


This will be an Everlasting Love

by kesmith



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: AU- Modern Setting, Angst, Bottom Arthur!, Bottom Merlin!, Curses, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hospitals, Kidnapping, M/M, Magic, Merthur - Freeform, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, POV Multiple, PTSD, Rape Recovery, Rescue Mission, Romance, Slash, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-08
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-28 15:42:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 207,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/676081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kesmith/pseuds/kesmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur Pendragon never really knew what he was looking for in a relationship but he knew he had a standard of what he was looking for. A rule that he set for himself a long time ago. And oh yes, Arthur had a type too and this type took him by storm in the form of Merlin Emrys.</p><p>Merlin Emrys, the wonder that he is has had some trouble in his past when it comes down to relationships. In their way of discovering what it all means to them they deal with their own insecurities, baggage from prior relationships, homophobic father's in denial, magic, kidnapping, trauma, curses, and so much more. And if they happen to endure, to survive it all, together, they are only made the stronger for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Merthur fic. I had this story in my mind for a while and decided to put it out there. Please take the time to review to let me know how I am doing. That is very important to me as it gives me the little push to do better and to keep writing. Also, giving kudos or subscribing is a wonderful gift too. 
> 
> I do not have anyone to beta this story. Any mistakes are solely my own.
> 
> I do not own Merlin but I loved the show and I loved the chemistry of the characters. With that being said please enjoy.

The Wedding

Morgana's wedding day was everything that she wanted it to be since she was 16 years old. Nothing was too good for daddy's little girl. The church was flourished with roses red and gold grown beautifully for this occasion and maintained years in advance. The bridesmaids gowns were themed in this same color and the tuxedos for the gentlemen were charcoal grey with Pendragon red ties and cumber-buns gold trimming. All tailor made for this occasion. The vows shared between Leon and Morgana were beautiful bringing full circle the five years of their relationship and culminating the lives that they were now about to embark upon as husband and wife. Arthur was normally not one to show his emotions but he felt the love in the room for these two and could only hope to wish them the best.

 

Arthur was not one to take pictures but as being the best man he had to play his part. He had not been part of the group in so long being busy running Pendragon Associates. He just started as CEO after uni a year ago and was basically on Uther's fast track leaving him little time for anything or _anyone_ else.

He missed the weekly gatherings with his friends on Sunday nights at the pub. Arthur began to believe Uther kept him busy to stop him from living his _'bi-curious'_ lifestyle choices. To Arthur it was not such a thing about being bi-curious, it was about being who he was, to Uther, Arthur had a _every_ choice in the matter. It was a discussion between them that became a moot point as neither of them budged in their thought processes. The bottom line was Arthur was gay. Not bi-curious but gay. And Uther terming it as _'_ _bi-curious'_ would never change that fact.

It was during one of the group pictures that he first saw him and Arthur knew he had to meet him as well because there were few if EVER to capture his focus that quickly. The guy was obviously part of the wedding party. He was wearing the colors, he was thin but you could tell underneath the clothing there was some muscle there, he was toned. He had the shiniest dark if not black thick curly hair cut short but looked styled in the 'just got shagged look'. His eyes were the deepest shade of blue that reminded him of the sky after the storm cleared and the rain settled right before you saw a rainbow. His skin was such a beautiful shade of pale and cream reminding him of Morgana. His ears were large but suited him. He could lick those ears. His nose was straight but fit him and those _cheekbones_ , they looked like sharp and meant to touch. His lips; oh there were his lips, so full, button shaped, and perfect to kiss. He looked like he could fall easily into a beautiful male model category and Arthur just had to meet him. The next thing he knew the picture was over, the beautiful man was gone, and Arthur was left unsatisfied.

The reception

Arthur searched for him and did not see him again until the reception. He caught Guinevere by the arm and pulled her to the side immediately to find out who he was, "Guinevere, who is that man over there, he was in the wedding party but I don't remember him?"

"Arthur, if you managed to come to one of our weekly pub nights you would know exactly who he is. His name is Merlin, Merlin Emrys. He has been part of our group since the second year of uni but you've been so busy with classes and your internship at Pendragon that I guess you never met him. Merlin is now a Psychology professor there but he still manages to come out to play." Gwen stated while showing her irritation. Arthur saw a little of Morgana channeling through. He shuttered inwardly at the thought.

"Is he seeing someone?" Arthur pressed on, not caring if he sounded to forward.

"Is who seeing someone?" Gwaine caught the tail end of the conversation.

"No one-- Arthur states (not wanting Gwaine's involvement) while at the same time Gwen states Merlin."

"Who wants to know about Merlin?" Lance joins in and now it seems like everyone wants to know.

"You know what never mind." Arthur stated, exasperated.

"Oh, come on Arthur, there are not many times if ever that you take an interest in someone. We are bound to be curious and we love Merlin too, you know. He is adorable, sweet, and is one of our closest friends." Gwen comments and then adds, "Also, if you want to know about so much about Merlin why don't you just go over there and ask him yourself, he is hardly going to bite."

Maybe that is what I am afraid of Arthur thinks to himself. "Maybe your right, I will just go over there an introduce myself, shall I?" He stated in the form of a question but got away from the gang before they could get anything more out of him or before they could get to Merlin.

* 

Merlin was standing at the bar with what looked like whiskey in his hands and his hips were swaying to the music. A slow song was playing.

"Do you like this song?" Arthur asked.

Merlin turned to look and seemed to let out a surprised yelp but replied smoothly, "Natalie Cole, what's not to love."

Arthur never told anyone but he had a thing for Natalie Cole. There were three songs of hers that signified what the perfect relationship and what true love should be like. He loved those songs so much that he pledged to himself should he ever find the one person -who fit those songs specifically - that he would marry that person, knowing that they were the one. Those three songs were, This will be (An Everlasting Love), Our Love, and I've got love on my mind. He knew the lyrics by heart and he never met anyone to fit into any of those songs let alone the three. He did not believe in love at first sight but he was slightly becoming a believer at the moment of something more.

"Would you like to dance? I'm Arthur by the way." Arthur stated.

"Arthur, as in Morgana's twin brother Arthur?" Merlin inquires.

"Yes, the one in the same. She will claim that she is older by fifteen minutes, but whose counting." Arthur replies with a twitch of his lips forming into a grin.

"Obviously Morgana is counting" Merlin adds but does allow the dance.

This will be (An Everlasting love) was still playing and though the music was a slightly faster tempo than a slow song Arthur and Merlin dancing slowly with Arthur's arms around Merlin's shoulders hands bracing Merlin's nape and Merlin's arms around Arthur's waist. The chemistry between the two, intoxicating, the two men had not even broken eye contact yet.

"I'm Merlin by the way. I do not think we have ever formally met. Of course I hear about you all the time from Morgana and the rest of the gang but I have never met you for myself. I am told that you are always so busy and I do not think you have ever made it to one of our weekly pub nights." Merlin stated, almost questioningly.

"I think that is all about to change, Merlin and you will see me at this weeks pub night. I think Morgana and Leon mentioned they were going before taking off for their honeymoon. They never miss a week. If you like we can meet up there and afterwards we can go out to see a film and then have dinner. (Arthur paused) There is just something about you Merlin." Arthur stated still not breaking eye contact.

"Okay, film and dinner sounds nice after the pub. Maybe I will get to unravel the mysteries known as Arthur Pendragon." Merlin states seductively.

"Merlin, if you can do that you would be able to find the keys to my heart. Though I would have to be honest and say that finding it is not an easy task." Arthur comments while pulling one of Merlin's hands to his chest.

 >>

"Whoah, Arthur seems like he is full on to getting Merlin doesn't he?" Morgana comments to Leon as Gwen walks up at the same time adding,

"He was asking about Merlin earlier but I have never seen Arthur so captivated by someone as he is at the moment with Merlin."

"Well, if there is anyone that can find that soft spot in the princess I would have to say that it would be Merlin." Gwaine adds as he puts his two cents in the conversation before taking a big gulp of the bottle of bourbon in his hands. _How he got his hands on a bottle no one knows._

"I just hope Merlin is ready for the kind of person Arthur is. He is sweet, he can be loving, but he is devoted to Uther through and through and with that comes the hard part. Arthur has never been in a real relationship for that very reason. (She looked at the group) Let's just keep an eye out. I do not wish to see either of them get hurt and Merlin is a special case. We all know this." Morgana states worriedly.

The gang seemed to agree with her and watched on as Merlin and Arthur continue to dance as the music changed.


	2. Merlin is Besotted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur was charming, he got his attention right away and Merlin did not think he would be able to get enough and this was just after one dance. Arthur asked him out, Merlin. This was something Merlin was not expecting. It took him a back because Merlin normally prepares himself for things, he was NOT prepared for Arthur Pendragon.

*** Merlin is Besotted ***

Merlin is besotted. He was beside himself with everything that had to do with Arthur Pendragon. Merlin can honestly say that he had never met anyone like Arthur. He was enchanted from the word go. Arthur Pendragon was everything that Merlin thought he never could have. It was so unattainable that Merlin would have never made the attempt on his own. I mean, let's face it, Arthur was handsome, he had gorgeous blonde hair, clear blue eyes, Romanesque features, and was fit, _very fit!_ He was not fit like Gwaine, but he had a body that was rock solid and Merlin had to ask himself, could that body quite possibly be his? And Arthur was charmer, he got Merlin's attention right away and Merlin did not think that he would ever be able to get enough of Arthur and this was just after their _first_ dance. Arthur asked him out, asked _him_ out, _Merlin_. Something that Merlin was not expecting. I mean, why would Arthur want someone like Merlin, right? It took him a back because Merlin normally had to prepare himself for such things (such things like the unexpected), and Merlin was clearly NOT prepared for Arthur Pendragon.

 

The night at the pub was no different. Arthur showed up in a snug fit pair of dark blue jeans and a blue plaid shirt over a white t shirt that made his eyes pop and his body made Merlin's eyes pop looking at it and his eyes did linger. Arthur was nothing but sweet. He treated the night at the pub as as much as a date as he did what followed afterward. He got up to get the drinks, sat by Merlin, and kept his arm possessively wrapped around Merlin's chair the entire time. He even smelled so good, and he wasn't even wearing any cologne. If the gang noticed, they didn't say anything about it but if the looks shown between Morgana, Leon, Lancelot, Gwen, Gwaine, Percival, Elena, and Elyan were anything to show for it, yes, they noticed. Though it could also be that Arthur had not been to a pub night in like EVER. This was Arthur's first appearance in years, he stopped coming shortly after he started at Pendragon Associates. And to them his reappearance was only prompted by Merlin.

 

*** The Official Date ***

 

The Opera House was showing the Phantom of the Opera and it was beautiful. Merlin was happy to know that he was not under dressed once he starting seeing the other people present. Merlin was wearing his black skinny jeans with a close fitting black button down and his black and white converses. It showed off his body and he knew it but he was fairly certain that it was not for an Opera. He was concerned but Arthur assured him that they would be fine and that no one would be kicking them out.

Afterward, instead of going to some high class restaurant like he was expecting considering Arthur's wealth, Arthur surprised him by taking him to one of the local seafood restaurants. Granted, everything there was caught and made that day, it was lovely and the food tasted great. The restaurant was called Catch and Merlin ordered the Butternut Squash Ravioli while Arthur ordered the Classic Fish and Chips. The wine they chose was from the Wine of the Month List Menetou Salon, Clos des Blanchais‟ Henry Pellé Loire, France, 2008. There was no need for appetizers as they just came from the pub with the gang. They got to talking, and they talked, and they talked some more, and they laughed. They laughed and they talked until it was time for the restaurant to close. They then decided to take a walk around the bay. The bay was beautiful at night. The water, the moon shining above just right, and the stars shining in the clear sky of night made everything perfect.

"If you could have one thing, one thing in the world, what would it be?" Arthur asks Merlin in a thoughtful tone.

"Well, that is hard to answer. You see I don't _need_ anything in particular. I'm happy with what I have. I worked hard for it. Being happy matters to me, it is not a possession that can be captured it just is. Like love, it just is. If I can have anything it would be to have that moment of happiness stored, captured, and sustained in time never to let the moment go. Because those moments of happiness are rare to be had. Do you understand that? Is it a little over the top?" Merlin inquired looking up thoughtfully through those thick black eyelashes of his showing the deep blueness of his eyes. It took Arthur's breath away.

Speaking as if losing oxygen by the second Arthur replied, "No, I get it and it not over the top. It sounds...right." Arthur adds before losing his nerve, "Now, if you are not opposed I plan to kiss you right here, right now. I have been wanting to since the moment I laid eyes on you and I simply cannot wait another minute more."

Merlin licked his lips and Arthur did not (could not) wait for a reply. He lightly kissed Merlin's lips tenderly, then he did it again, and again, he changed angle and then slid his tongue over Merlin's lips. Merlin sighed opening his mouth allowing Arthur entrance, and they kissed deeper and oh how they kissed deeper. Merlin has never experienced this kind of kissing before and neither had Arthur, they were basically devouring the others mouth as if seeking for crown jewels. They kissed like this for what felt like hours though it could have only been minutes before Merlin slowed the kiss down and bringing it back to slow kisses before breaking away completely commenting. "If we keep going like this I don't think I will be able to stop."

"Who says we have to stop?" Arthur replies attempting another kiss. Merlin uses his thumb to slide against Arthur's bottom lip and replies,

"I made myself a rule a long time ago, no sex on the first date. You will just have to wait Arthur Pendragon." Merlin stated trying to get his oxygen back and grinning all the way dimples showing.

Arthur's heart skipped a beat. "I'm a patient man Merlin when it counts, and you will soon find out just how patient I really can be." Arthur replied, his voice dropped to a husky tone that alluded to all sorts of innuendos.

Merlin felt himself harden some more in his jeans. He was already starting to with the kiss.

"When can I see you again?" Arthur asked.

"When do you want to?" Merlin responded breathlessly.

"I always want to see you, Merlin. I have no doubt in this. But how about Saturday night?" Arthur prompted.

"Saturday night is dinner with Morgana and Leon, aren't you going?" Merlin asked.

"I'm going now, we can meet up there and go back to my flat for a movie afters? Maybe continue some kissing?"Arthur inquired realizing just how out of the loop he had been with his friends but refusing to miss this opportunity with Merlin.

"Well, Arthur Pendragon, it sounds like you are you trying to get me alone with you. Like you are trying to have your wicked way with me." Merlin eyes twinkled while commenting and Arthur's cock twitched in response.

"Is it working?" He asked instead of saying what he was really thinking, he in fact did want to have his wicked way with Merlin.

"Maybe" Merlin answered.

"Then I like my plan already" Arthur replies, "Now how about you give me your number. I do not think that I can wait an entire week to hear from you."

They exchanged phone numbers sending quick text messages to save it in their contacts. Arthur then signaled for a cab once they get back to the main road. They shared the same cab and when it was time for Merlin's stop it was almost like they do not want to part.

"Call me when you get home? I want to make sure that you made it back safely." Merlin asks, though that is just an excuse to have Arthur call him.

Arthur nods as an okay (Knowing that it is an excuse but is only happy to oblige). He leaned in forward tilting his head to just the right angle and kissed Merlin in such a way that Merlin almost had second thoughts about his own rule. His own rule. _Damn his rule!_ He said good night quickly and hurried into his flat for a very cold shower waiting patiently for Arthur to call.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read and review


	3. If Merlin is Besotted than there are no words for Arthur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be sure to review whether good or bad. Your feedback is important and will determine if this story continues based on the readers. This is my first Merthur fic and I rather it done right but if not than not at all.

* * * If Merlin is Besotted than there were no words for Arthur * * *

If you thought you never saw Arthur smile like a kid that ate all of the cream before than you were right. Arthur never smiled like that before. Arthur was smiling at the office. Arthur, was smiling when when a waitress spilled coffee on him by accident at lunch, Arthur smiled when his PA mixed up his schedule, and smiled at his weekly dinner with Uther. It was the last that was the most shocking. No one had seen Arthur this happy before, or at least, not in recent memory. All week long spoke with Merlin either on the phone or by text. Merlin was the first name he thought of when he woke and the last name he thought of before he went to sleep. It was like destiny, like they connected somehow and he just did not know how or why? He couldn't fathom it, couldn't put a point to it. People talked about their soul mates. Arthur never considered it and _never_ had he thought it would ever apply to him.

* * * Dinner at Uther's * * *

Like every Friday night, dinner at Uther's was _not_ something that either Morgana or Arthur looked forward to. For Morgana, she got it a lot easier, she was married now. And she was _'daddy's little girl'_. The only question Uther had for her was how long before she and Leon produced his grandchildren. For Arthur, Arthur's case was entirely different. His repeated question was always how much longer would they be subjected to Arthur's lifestyle choices and when would he deem to be the time that he decided to grow up. This weekly repeated detour in conversation normally bothered Arthur, but for this evening. It normally did, but Arthur was so happy knowing that he would be seeing Merlin the next day that not even Uther managed to rattle his cages (Even though it did not mean that he would wish to be subjected to any sort of scrutiny where his private life is concerned). By for once Arthur enjoyed himself. The dinner was nice, the kitchen staff outdid themselves making steak Mignon, and for dessert Arthur got his favorite, Baked Alaska.

Dinner was actually going well and Arthur had it timed to make his exit until Morgana had to mess it all up with one series too many of questions. "So Arthur, I saw you were really friendly with Merlin at the wedding and then at the pub. You left together didn't you? Anything you wish to tell us about there? Is it anything serious yet?"

And just like that, the temperature in the room went down by at least 10 degrees. The hussy, Arthur thought to himself. Morgana no doubt was attempting to sway any thoughts of conversation away from her and Leon on grandchildren deciding that it was Arthur's turn to take the fall. The remorse that showed on Leon's face was all the answer Arthur needed to confirm that.

Arthur did the only thing that he could do, he answered honestly. "Well yes Morgana, Merlin and I did leave the pub together to take in a film and dinner. There isn't much else to say about it yet." Arthur stated in a tone that was clear to all who paid attention that he did not wish anything further. Though, apparently it was _not_ enough clear enough for Uther because the inquisition immediately followed.

"Merlin, I recall you speaking of him before Morgana, isn't he the psychology major friend of yours from uni?" Uther inquired thoughtfully.

"The one in the same, he is now a professor there. Merlin is truly a sweetheart." Morgana replied with a grin. Purely evil grin, Arthur thought.

"Hmm, well as Arthur stated he's only a friend which reminds me - Uther said swiftly before he pounced - Arthur a colleague of mine told me about his daughter, her name is Mithian. She needs a date to the Saves the Whales fundraiser on the 19th and I accepted the invitation on your behalf. I will have Catrina contact your PA with the details. Do make yourself available on that day." Uther stated with a tone that left no room for disagreement or discussion leaving Arthur with nothing to do but to accept.

"Well, as always this was lovely but I have some work to finish up at the office. I bid you all a good evening." Arthur knew his work would be his only escape as Uther would allow for this (work was always a priority). Morgana on the other hand,

"But Arthur we rarely get the chance to see you- Arthur cuts her off by saying - No worries Morgana, you and Leon are having your dinner party tomorrow night. I've already made plans to attend. Have a good evening." With that Arthur excused himself before anyone else could comment more. He couldn't stand to look at Morgana any further for the evening in fear that he may say something that he couldn't take back. With a thought that he may not have _wanted_ to take it back either.

Though the evening was disappointing as soon as Arthur thought about Merlin again all aspects of the dinner at Uther's was put aside. He knew what Morgana was doing, he was just tired of her always doing it at his expense. _No one_ , had it harder than him when it came to Uther, he didn't need any help to be treated any worse.

 

xxxxx

 

Arthur skipped the office (with no intention of going there anyway) and went straight home. The only thing he wanted to do right then was talk to Merlin and nothing else would do. Before Merlin could even say hello Arthur jumped in saying, "Hello you"

 

“ _Arthur, how are you doing. I thought you said you had dinner with your father and Morgana tonight?”_

“I did and I am happy to say that it is now over. How was your evening?” Arthur paused before responding.

“ _Boring, I spent it grading some papers. Its a lot better now that I am talking to you. I thought about you a lot today.” Merlin responded._

“Well that is good to know because I have not been able to get you off of my mind all week. I can't wait to have you all to myself. I know we have the dinner party but what do you say to us excusing ourselves a little early. I have had a rough evening and I could really do with having you to myself.” Arthur responded but his tone was clear in showing just how much he needed this.

“ _Normally I would say that it is not nice to ditch friends like that but I can hear something in your voice that says that you need it. How about we make our excuses after we have dessert. You know how Morgana is about people acting like their doing the Baptist and splitting (Morgana's words, not his). Though you may not know since you haven't been to one of Morgana's dinner parties in a while but let me tell you, its not pretty.” Merlin replied._

“How about I take your word for it. But after the dessert sounds fine. I'll let you go now that I got the fix I needed by hearing your voice. Sleep well, Merlin.”

“ _Good night, Arthur”_  
(End of conversation)

Neither Merlin nor Arthur had slept so well in a very long time.

  
  



	4. Dinner at Morgana and Leon's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, to those of you that have reviewed, subscribed, or have given kudos on this story. I really appreciate it. 
> 
> For those of you that have not yet, please review. I will not know what your thoughts are or what I need to improve on if you do not.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * * Dinner at Morgana and Leon's * * *

Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, and Elena were already present watching the footie match on the telly when Gwen and Lancelot arrived. Gwen immediately went into the kitchen to assist Morgana while Leon headed Lancelot over to the bar for a before dinner drink. Morgana beamed when she saw Gwen coming to help giving her a hug.

"Gwen, thank you so much for helping. I am trying to make this a special dinner it being my first official one as a wife and all. (Morgana said with a smile) For starters I made Asparagus and Cheese Muffins for the appetizer, then Battered fish and also a Beef Wellington, and for dessert I made Dutch Apple Pie and Yorkshire Curd Tart. I have been working on it since this morning so basically I need help setting up and picking out the wines for the evening." Morgana stated in a clearly exhausted tone. How Morgana does it while still looking like she came off of a runway in 9 inch heels, Gwen will never know.

"Morgana, if I knew you were making all of that I would have come over earlier. It sounds like you out did yourself, though I can't wait to dig my teeth into the food, I hope everything turned out right, not that I doubt your talents after all.." Gwen rambled on before Morgana interrupted her.

"Gwen, its alright. I really wanted to do this on my own you know. This is my first time having a dinner party as a married woman and Arthur is coming over as well. I can't remember how long its been since he's come over last for dinner and I wanted to do a little more. I think I may have gone too far at the dinner with Uther last night. I was so busy trying to deflect any attention coming my way that I really did not care about the attention going his way and now because of me Arthur is stuck taking some floozie out to some charity event that he would have never agreed to except to get the attention off of him and Merlin." Morgana managed, getting all that out in one breath, showing a clear sign of her distress.

"Morgana, what did you do?" Gwen demanded to know.

"Well, I knew that Uther was going to start pressuring Leon and I about having children and I knew the best way to deflect that would be to bring up someone in Arthur's love-life." Morgana paused hesitantly and it was enough time to interject.

"Morgana, you didn't mention Merlin did you? Well, did you?" Gwen pressed for an answer but Morgana's expression gave her all of the answer that she needed to know. "Morgana, you know that Arthur hasn't been in any relationships aside from his one ups here and there. This is the first time that Arthur has shown any interest in someone in a long time and he was drawn to Merlin. And you know that Merlin has not been involved with anyone else since Valiant and we all know how that turned out. Do you really think sicking Uther on them this early in their relationship will do either Arthur or Merlin any good?" Gwen was stern but she was also being sympathetic.

"I know Gwen, you are right. And don't worry, I've gotten the lectures already, Leon and I got into it last night about. Which is another reason why I went all out to make some of his favorites for dinner and dessert. Arthur did not deserve what I did and I do plan to apologize to him later. I presume his new found interest in attending our gatherings is to mostly due to Merlin?" Morgana said the last sentence thoughtfully.

"Does it really matter? Arthur's life was spiraling Morgana, you know that. He's what, 23 years old and working more and harder than some have worked in their entire lifetime. His life is about working and appeasing Uther. His life has always been about that, even at uni he was striving for that goal giving him no time for anything or anyone else. Is it not time for his life to be for him now, for once? (Gwen said in a fiery tone before her tone shifted to sounding fond) The look in his eyes when he looks at Merlin. It can only compare to the way Lance looks at me or the way that Leon looks at you or even Gwaine at Elena for that matter, though...don't tell him I said that. Gwaine looks to stay all macho you know and I don't think Gwaine and Elena are ready to let on that they like each other to us yet." Gwen sighs meaningfully.

Morgana smiled, “Too late for that.”

Gwen continued as though nothing was said, “The point is that it is time for you and Arthur to live your lives without fear of your father and without you both trying to duck, reflect, and cover at the others expense. You love Arthur and he loves you, your _twins_ for crying out loud, but if you keep doing this to him then the likelihood of seeing him more will narrow down so severely to the point that the only time you will be seeing him will be at the office in passing or in a mandatory meeting capacity. Is that what you want?" Gwen stated in her motherly way that she does when she knows that she is right and is trying to get her point across.

"No, that is not what I want. I want my brother back." Morgana stated tearing up. Gwen pulled Morgana into a hug and it was in that moment that the door bell rang signaling Arthur and Merlin's arrival.

 Gwaine was up from the coach first, immediately going to give Arthur a hug. "Hey there princess, long time no see." Gwaine commented, then turning to give Merlin a hug and a playful shove. Merlin grinned his hello.

"Gwaine, you have seen me twice, no three times this week technically. Once at the wedding, the pub, and now tonight." Arthur replied, attempting to brush off the hug.

"And that is the most that I have seen of you in the last three years which brings me back to my original comment long time no see. We miss you you know. Thought you forgot about us. Its not the same around here without you." Gwaine replied but in a soulful way making it obvious to all that he is not oblivious to the happenings around them.

"I know.” Arthur stated honestly, he turned to look at Merlin, eyes shining and Merlin held his gaze and smiled back, before Arthur broke it and turned back to Gwaine saying, “I plan to make some changes in that regard."

Gwaine caught the brief moment between Merlin and Arthur and smiled. He pulled them both together for another hug and stated, "Glad to hear it."

Arthur and Merlin were greeted with more hugs, friends lined up as in an assembly line, being pulled by Elena, Percival, Lancelot, Leon, Gwen, and finally Morgana. Everyone gave special attention to Arthur as they had not seen him in a long time and it was clear that they missed him dearly, with half of them having grown up with him and of course, who doesn't love to see Merlin. It was definitely a hug fest.

xxxxxx

Morgana home had a Victorian Style feel to it but was still decorated with modern finishes. The outside colors were black and white (Leon's idea) and the inside colors were deep burgundy with white trimmings (Morgana's idea) throughout the main rooms while each individual room had its own unique design and finish. This was the first time in a long time that Arthur has made it and with the exception of Merlin everything including his friends felt foreign to him.

Arthur knew that he should not be upset with Morgana but somehow he could not help but feel so. In her attempt (which was evident) of having Uther's focus displaced from her she brought Merlin before Uther's sights. She knows how Uther is in regards to Arthur and how overprotective he is, constantly looking to ensure his legacy. And it was now because of Morgana that he was stuck with a date with Mithian. Something he would have never chosen for himself and something he had not even mentioned to Merlin yet. Something he does not know is relevant to mention as they have only been dating a week. Who was he kidding, he felt like he knew Merlin his whole life and if Merlin felt even slightly the same way that Arthur felt than he would think of this thing with Mithian as a betrayal, especially, if he found out about it the wrong way.

"Arthur" Morgana called out hesitantly snapping Arthur's mind back to reality, "Would you mind giving your big sister a hand in the kitchen? There something I want to talk to you about and I can really use your help."

Morgana only threw in the big sister and the need for help when she really needed to speak with him. Broaching no need for a response good or bad Morgana automatically turned towards the kitchen expecting Arthur to follow. Once the door closed behind him Morgana turned to him teary eyed,

"Arthur, I wanted to apologize to you for last night. I know that it was wrong and then I saw the look on your face, I can't bare to see that look (It was the look of complete betrayal). I know what I did was wrong. Its just..just, _Uther_ (Morgana stated in frustration). You have always seem to be stronger one when it came to dealing with him but as we have gotten older I started to realize that.. maybe I misread that. Misread just how you.. you deal with things differently than I do -”

"Morgana,” Arthur attempted to interject not sure he liked where the conversation was heading but Morgana plowed on ignoring him,

"Let me finish Arthur. I realize that maybe I misread it because I realize now that you really don't deal with things, not as I thought you did I mean. I know I've always teased you, calling you 'emotionally stunted' when we were little and I realize that I did not see it when you withdrew from everyone. That was my fault for missing that. You started off working all of the time and then you got engrossed in your work. You then stopped attempting or making any effort to get involved in any relationships and I know that you have had offers (Morgana raised a hand to silence Arthur before he interrupted, his mouth was already open to interject). You followed in Uther's footsteps and took on all that was thrown at you including dating women that you were not in the least attracted to for a father who will never be grateful, will never truly understand, and will always say that something is lacking of you."

At this Arthur's blue gaze snapped up at Morgana's green. He grimaced and there was a flash of anger and realization that went across his features because it felt like he got punched in the gut. Morgana raised her hands to calm her brother as she knows his tendencies but continues on,

"He is my father too Arthur, but even I can see it and even I know when we are being manipulated to fulfill someones else's life desires and I think you see it too. I used to see happiness in you Arthur before uni and before the pressures of Uther became so heavy in your life. I heard Gwaine's comment about not seeing you in so long and I had to think about it and realized that he and I were in the same boat with the exception of our Friday night dinners with father. The dinners that both of us could do without and would do without if we had the choice actually.

(Morgana paused and then continued) I miss my little brother. I wanted you to know that, and I wanted to tell you that I am sorry for whatever part that I have played in you being so unhappy. I want to make amends for that and I want to be there for you now." Morgana finished eyes open and filled with tears. Her words true and sincere. Arthur could see that and could not help just as much as he knew that he had a similar expression on his own face. He reached out then and pulled her in a tight embrace.

"I can't stay mad at you, you know that" Arthur joked, but they both knew it was an apology, forgiveness, and an acceptance. "I know you did not mean to do it and I am sorry that I have been pushing everyone away. Sometimes it is just easier that way. I didn't even realize that I was missing anything at all..until..until I met Merlin actually." Arthur stated with a calm expression but a there his eyes reflected one that was bedazzled.

"I noticed that (Morgana states with a smile), I've never seen you look so captivated about anyone before, even Gwen noticed and said that. Merlin is sort of what you would call our 'Diamond of the Day' among our group. He's adorable, kind, and he is there for all of us whenever needed. He is already the named godfather to Gwen and Lance's children and they have not even had any yet if you know what I mean. (Morgana said fondly) But I think he could be good for you.. just .. make sure he is who you want to pursue. Merlin will give you his all, that we have no doubt but make sure this is what you want too. We love you both and do not wish to see either of you get hurt." Morgana added cautiously and strategically.

Arthur didn't seem to catch the warning but continued, "I have never met anyone else like him Morgana. We have only been seeing each other for a week and it feels like so much more. I don't think I can see myself hurting him. I can only see myself loving him.. and.. and that I did not think I would ever say about anyone, at least not in this early stage of my life. (Arthur chuckled more to himself) Merlin just seemed to come out of no where to me and now I realize it would not have been the case if I attended weekly pub nights, I could almost slap myself for not meeting him sooner (Arthur gave Morgana a look as to say _don't even try it_ ), but I am sorry for missing those evenings too." Arthur stated pulling his sister in for another embrace.

It was when Arthur was slyly attempting a way to end the conversation knowing full well that he found it difficult and uncomfortable to express his feelings that Gwaine and Percival chose that moment to burst into the kitchen wondering where the food was claiming they were starving. Morgana and Arthur made a quickly attempt to wipe any sign of tears and to get to work in setting up dinner thus ending any further embarrassment of expressing their _feelings_. A _Pendragon's_ never showed emotions in public.

xxxxxxxx

 

Morgana and Leon's first official dinner as husband and wife turned out to be a success. Everyone joked and shared stories at the dinner table. Merlin talked about his classes and some of his difficult students. He also talked about his mother Hunith and his best friend Will back at home. Gwaine talked about his favorite things, alcohol and women, though he shared some rather intense looks with Elena back and forth. Elena talked about how her horse farm business was going and how she has beginning to set up hours for lessons. Gwen and Lancelot talked about their plans for starting a family while Morgana and Leon talked about their honeymoon. Percival talked about his work on the police force and some of his case loads while Elyan talked about his decision to go back to school for his PHD. Elyan was studying Forensic medicine.

During dinner Arthur took moments to steal glances with Merlin, giving fond touches, and reaching out to hold his hand at the table, while Morgana and Gwen gave them approving loving looks like two mother hens letting their babies out on their own without their training wheels. Arthur practically rolled his eyes at that but appreciated the sentiment. Merlin looked up several times at Arthur, his eyes twinkling, smiling that smile with those dimples that made Arthur's heart skip a beat every time. And when Merlin licked his lips, well that just went straight to Arthur's cock. What was Merlin _doing_ to him? Arthur thought to himself. It was not like he was even attempting to be seductive he just.. _was_. Arthur had to resume conversations at the table because if he continued playing with Merlin he thought he may have to grab him and take him in to one of Morgana's rooms. And that would have been inappropriate. But a man can only endure but so much, he thought. Instead, Arthur continued to hold Merlin's hand without letting go throughout the night.

As planned, after dessert Merlin and Arthur gave hugs to the gang promising to be present to Sunday's pub night. Everyone, to Arthur's dismay, was relying on Merlin to ensure that Arthur was present. And before they left Arthur gave an extra hug to his sister exchanging fond looks that told the other that all was right and forgiven between them.

  
  



	5. Too intense for words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is where the rating has been earned. This is my first time writing a Merthur love scene. Please let me know, is it too much? Not enough? Or just right?
> 
> Thank you to everyone that has reviewed, left kudos, and subscribed to this story. Please continue to do so as this is the only way for me to know how I am really doing. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

The ride back to Arthur's flat was a quiet one. Both Merlin and Arthur deep in their own thought...or deep in their own nerves possibly. Arthur has never had another man over to his flat. Any one night stands were down in the motels. This was to ensure that Arthur's private life was not leaked to the press. With Arthur being CEO of Pendragon Associates and son of Uther Pendragon there was still a lot of public attention shown his way. This was another reason why Uther gave Arthur such a hard time about his sexuality. At this moment, Arthur couldn't seem to care. What he did care about was the way Merlin was sitting right next to him and how much he adored this man.

 

Arthur and Merlin decided to take a stroll first around the local park in Arthur's neighborhood first to walk of some of Morgana's dinner and some of those nerves before going into the flat. The park was deserted at the hour. The moon was full and the stars were shining. After they finished strolling hand in hand they sat under a great oak tree. Arthur's back pressed against while Merlin sat between Arthur's legs with his back to Arthur. Arthur currently had his arms wrapped around Merlin's midsection with his chin resting on Merlin's shoulder.

"You know, I had fun tonight but I had one problem throughout that whole dinner." Arthur whispers into Merlin's ear

Merlin shivers a little at that but inquires as to what

"I could not keep my eyes off you the entire time." Arthur presses his lips on Merlin's ear lobe and in a brief sweep of tongue presses towards the lower back of Merlin's ear to the soft tissue there. Merlin's thought processes were beginning to go south.

"That's funny, because I seem to have been having the same problem." Merlin says huskily but turns around to settle himself more on Arthur's lap then on the ground.

At that moment they look into the others eyes, the moonlight is shining just right to see something raw there. Open, and laid out. This time Merlin takes the advantage and leans towards Arthur and tenderly slides his lips over Arthur's. He then slides his tongue, he sucks on Arthur's bottom lip and then his top because giving more tender kisses. Arthur is becoming overwhelmed by the onslaught before Merlin's becomes more aggressive with the kiss and slides his tongue to demand entrance which Arthur eagerly gives. The only sounds heard are moans and tongues at war for dominance. Arthur in his beside himself and at that moment lifts Merlin up to gently lay him back down on the ground straddling him.

He begins to attack Merlin's neck, sucking, sweeping his tongue, and leaving bite trails before going back up from the tip of his neck to his collar bone to repeat the process. Merlin is moaning because it is happening so fast while Arthur is lifting up Merlin's shirt and laying kisses on his flat muscular stomach and sweeping his tongue to his nipples rotating while everything part of Merlin is moving for some more contact. He pulls Arthur up to him and delves for another kiss. The kisses are filthy and they only stop for oxygen at some points breathing through their noses to not stop at all. They keep going until it starts raining outside and they did not notice until their clothes started to soak.

 

They stare at each other for what feels like hours but have only been minutes before they break apart realizing they could catch their death in the rain if they stay out much longer. But they continue to stop at points along the way to Arthur's flat to kiss and to grope one another.

 

xxxxxx

 

Did Arthur say that he lived in the mansion? Merlin says to himself. No, Arthur did not say that he lived in a mansion, thank you very much. Suddenly Arthur seems way out of Merlin's league. Apparently the mansion even has a name Du Bois Manor. The home was willed to Arthur by is late mother Ygraine who died when Morgana and Arthur was five from Leukemia. He was able to receive his Ygraine's estate at the tender age of twenty-one. It seems that the home does not go to the first born which would be Morgana but to the first born male son which would be Arthur. Arthur shared that how things were deemed was a struggle between the two which had them resenting the other when they were younger until the understood that they were mad at the wrong people.

 

The home was beautiful but not lived in like Morgana and Leon's. The colors were all creams, no personality. Something he could not particularly relate with Arthur himself. This beautiful, sensitive, adoring man that has some how set his sights on Merlin. Though something seemed missing. Merlin did not know for certain but he intended to find out.

 

"So, nice place you have here.." Merlin says coolly but not wanting to be completely honest not knowing how Arthur would feel about his opinion.

 

"Merlin, you wound me. What I thought I could count on from you is your honesty. Arthur pauses. I know it is not me. This is the way the house was left to me and I never felt inspired to make any changes. I do not know if it was due to my lack of time or my lack of motivation. I just never got around to making any changes." Arthur states honestly

 

"I'm sorry, and your right. It is not you, I just did not want to say anything inappropriate about it is all." Merlin replies

 

"I want you to be a part of my life and if that means saying things that may not be appropriate at times so be it. Hey, Morgana does it all the time and so does Gwen and I still love them." Arthur breath hitches at the end of that sentence and of the implication, he starts to blush. Turning away quickly he is repeating to himself 'please don't catch that.' Merlin must seem to be able to take the hint and he does just that.

 

Arthur smoothly changes the conversation for his better.

 

"Hey, why don't you go ahead and take a shower while I get everything set up for the movie. I'll leave some clothes out for you and put your clothes in the dryer and then once you come out I'll just hop in for a quick one before we start. Sounds good?" Arthur inquires smoothly

Arthur really wants to get into that shower with Merlin but he wants this evening to be just right. It will not be by him assuming and it will not be without proper consent. He wants Merlin and he does not want a one-up with him. He wants something permanent and rushing into sex without the right motives is not showing any sort of permanence.

 

"Sounds good, lead the way." Merlin says brightly seeming impressed by the gesture

 

True to his word when Merlin stepped out of the shower there was a big sweat shirt and comfy sweat pants left out for him. It felt comfortable, it felt right, Merlin thought before exiting the bathroom.

xxxxxxx

 

They start off sitting in the living room watching Die Hard with a Vengeance first with Bruce Willis and then That Old Feeling second with Bette Mildler. At first they were seated at opposite ends of the sofa with popcorn in the middle. By the middle of the first movie they were seated snugly next to one another with Arthur's arm around Merlin's waist and Merlin's head resting on Arthur's shoulder.

 

By the middle of the second movie they were kissing with no doubts of where this night was going to end. Merlin pulled away slightly.

 

"Would you like to dance with me?" Arthur asks breathing a little heavy and trying to will himself back to normal.

 

Merlin looks adoringly at that responding to Arthur that he would. Arthur takes his time putting in his second favorite Natalie Cole song 'Our Love'

 

"You really do have a thing for Natalie Cole don't you? I remember the other song of hers that we danced to at Morgana and Leon's wedding" Merlin asks

 

"Actually I do, and I will tell you all about it soon enough." Arthur states in a shy way all of a sudden as he is turning down the lights and starting the song. He bows gallantly holding out his hand to Merlin dragging him to their pretend dance floor. They dance closely until the moments begin to catch up with them being in each others breathing space just as it did on the sofa.

 

It starts with one kiss, and then a second, and a third. Just like most of their kisses do. Arthur slides his tongue across Merlin's lower lip and tilts his head in a way that demands access. Merlin allows it. Merlin arms moved, one to Arthur's hair and one to his waist, Arthur groans into the kiss. Arthur pulls at Merlin's waist smashing their erections into each other as they begin to grind into the other. Their kissing with a passion that neither have felt before. Each kiss igniting fires and quenching thirst that they did not know was needed but knowing that the other would satisfy it. It becomes a tug of war with no one wanting to lose rutting against one another, squeezing, and pulling. Too many clothes. TOO MANY CLOTHES. It becomes too intense and dancing has long since ended.

 

Arthur is murmuring in the kiss and Merlin has to pull away slightly to comprehend the words.

 

"I want..I want" Arthur groans into the kiss

 

"Whatever you want, I'll give it to you Arthur, whatever you want." Merlin says breathlessly into the kiss.

 

"I want you." Arthur groans out.

 

Merlin lifts up to look into Arthur's eyes and sees the want, the lust, and the desire as it mirrors his own. "Don't you know by now that you have me, Arthur? He whispers on "You have me, you have me."

 

The kiss grows frantic and slowly clothes start to peel off as Arthur leads them to his bedroom. He gently lays Merlin on the bed as if he is going to worship him and worship him he certainly does. Kiss after loving kiss, thrust after powerful thrust. Arthur has never been so gentle with anyone. He makes love to Merlin as if his life depends on it. He holds him with so much care and warmth that each thrust feels like an electric shock to his system. So intense. He realizes that he loves this man but he is too scared to say it aloud. Too scared that saying it will ruin the moment and ruin this feeling that is strong in him. So strong in his heart.

 

Arthur does not realize that he is shaking until Merlin pulls him down into a gentle kiss. The kiss goes from gentle to filthy in a manner of moments and all of Arthur's thought processes go south to his cock again and he can't hold back any longer. It is like the a dam opens and his hips snap and he starts fucking in earnest. They rock together and moan crying out the others name and groping for purchase anywhere there hands can find a place. Arthur comes with a shout and Merlin follow after calling Arthur's name. They kiss dazedly clearly spent until they fall into an easy doze for the night.

 

They wake a few times during the evening repeating the process and if Arthur also finds himself a bit sore in the morning. Well, he does not see the problem with that.

 

* * * * The Morning After * * * *

 

Merlin wakes up to some very nice feelings and a very sweet mouth that is attacking his cock. As he opens his eyes he sees Arthur gazing at him while he's at it.

 

"I wondered if I was ever gonna wake you up." Arthur states while moving along kissing the juncture of Merlin's hip

 

"Keep doing what your doing and I might not ever want to get out of bed." Merlin replies through lidded eyes

 

"Whose to say that this was not my intention to begin with?" Arthur states huskily before moving back to Merlin's cock. He blows on it first and Merlin shudders.

 

He starts back again flicking his tongue from tip of Merlin's cock to the base. He slides back up and then takes Merlin in whole.

"Arthur, oh my, Arthur" Merlin is gasping and turning his head side to side through Arthur's ministrations.

 

"Ah, oh, Fuck!, Arthur!" Merlin practically squeaks as he feels fingers sliding in him. (When did he have time to grab the lube? Merlin wonders to himself)

 

Merlin is practically falling apart as Arthur is sucking his brains through his cock and is filling him with fingers. He can't even form words anymore. Leaning down and sweeping Arthur up and pulling him back down for a deep filthy kiss. Arthur goes back to fingering Merlin while continuing those kisses moving down to Merlin's jaw, his neck, and back up for more kisses. Then the condom, and in one full thrust he enters Merlin.

 

It feels even better than the night before.

 

"So tight, Merlin, so good." That is all that Arthur can get out because right now he cannot talk. The feelings are overwhelming him.

 

Merlin grabs Arthur's shoulders pulls him down and then wraps his legs around Arthur's waist pushing him in deeper and filling him more. Arthur shifts and in one swift move he hits that spot on each thrust and has Merlin a withering mess. One.. two.. three.. four.. five.. six... seven... more thrust and Arthur is coming still unable to speak. Words are not needed to express what he feels right now. It written all over his face and he sees it on Merlin's as well. He reaches grabs Merlin and tugs and with a flick of the wrist Merlin is coming too. Arthur flips and shifts them having laid himself on his back and pulling Merlin into his side and Merlin resting his head on Arthur's shoulder wrapping him arm over Arthur's chest. Arthur places a kiss on top of Merlin's forehead before passing out. Merlin, still shaking passes out a few seconds afterwards.

 

And just like the night before they wake up again to repeat the process. They wonder what took them so long.

 

"It was your rule, remember? No sex on the first date." Arthur states while gasping trying to get his oxygen back

 

"It is a good rule. Have you ever heard of Steve Harvey's book 'Think Like A Man?' He says there should be no sex for 90-days. I think I was actually quite generous thank you very much. And, before you start calling me a girl for thinking that way, those rules should apply to all." Merlin states laughing and trying to get oxygen himself

 

"Its a good rule." Arthur whispers before settling over Merlin slowly lightly kissing Merlin's brows, his eyelids, his cheekbones, the tip of his nose, and then his full lips.

 

"Definitely a good rule." Merlin agrees huskily before attacking Arthur's mouth again.


	6. Questions, thougts, Good News, and Concerns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a filler chapter but also the beginning of things to come. You will also see some more characters being introduced on the scene. As always, please read and review.
> 
> Thank you for those who have taken the time to review, give kudos, or subscribed to the story.
> 
> I hope that you enjoy the chapter.

* * * Dinner at Hunith's * * *

"So, Merls, its been a little too quiet on your front lately. You don't call, you don't text and you haven;t stopped by in a while. I would think that something is wrong but you don't look like it. I can only suspect that there is someone in your life and you are trying to keep it from us." Will states speculatively

 

"Will, though we all are concerned about Merlin's life we should not push unless there is something that he wants to tell us. Hunith admonishes

'Though if there were someone in his life I would think that he would tell his mother who I don't know, carried him for 10 months, changed his nappies, and has been with him through every ordeal in his life.' Hunith replies with a sound and expression that always makes Merlin feel guilty.

 

Freya giggles, Will has the grace to be embarrassed for his friend, and Merlin is turning read and looking sheepish. He stuffs some more of Hunith's butternut casserole in his mouth to give him some time before he responds.

 

"Alright, I have been seeing someone but it is nothing serious. I mean, it has the potential to be but we are still in the early stages." Merlin states not making direct contact with anyone

 

"Right," Freya states this time. "If it is nothing serious than why are you not looking at us. Also, I came by your place a couple of times for breakfast before work to find no one at home and Will is right. No of us have heard from you lately." Freya states mischievously

 

"Frey, you did not tell me about any of this. You knew I was wondering what was going on with Merls?" Will states sounding a little put off

 

"I also know how protective you get for your Merls. That is why I did some checking myself. Merlin is alright though. You have nothing really to worry about." Freya states in a tone of finality because she knows how Will could get where Merlin is concerned. Apparently the message was not received because Will continued

 

"Of course, I am protective of Merlin. You did not have to deal with the things that I have had to. You came in the picture during Uni. I have been there for Merlin since we were toddlers. Merls is a brother to me..." Will was going to continue before Merlin interjected

 

"Will, seriously I appreciate it. Mum and Freya, you too. I did not want to talk about this new thing (as he eyes Will) because we are still in a developmental stage so to speak. We have had some dates and Freya is right I have been with him a lot and some times I have spent the night."

 

Though to be fair, we also live on the opposites of town which is why I do not always travel back at night." Merlin concludes

 

"Name please?" Hunith, Will, and Freya say in unison and Merlin just glares at them

 

"Goodness, I am beginning to suspect this dinner was a set up to begin with." Merlin huffs a little put back

 

"Beginning to suspect, we are definitely losing our touch guys." Hunith states to Will and Freya while all laughing at Merlin

 

"His name is Arthur, Arthur Pendragon. He is twenty-four, graduated from uni the same year as me, and is the CEO of Pendragon Associates. I met him at Morgana and Leon's wedding and we have been seeing each other ever since." Merlin states calmly

 

There was a silence at the dinner table. Everyone knew that Morgana and Leon's wedding was two months ago which meant that Merlin had been seeing Arthur for this long as well without a word. This also meant that Merlin is more serious about this Arthur character than he is attempting to lead them to believe.

 

"What's wrong with him?" Will asks

 

"Nothing is wrong with him Will. In fact, he's perfect. I guess I just wanted to keep him to myself for a while." Merlin responds honestly

 

"Well we are happy for you son (Hunith states while sending a glare to Will) you will have to bring him by to meet us soon. You know we just worry about you sometimes living on your own as it is."

 

"I know, and I appreciate it, from all of you. I know that I may not say it enough at times but I do. You have been there for me through some difficult times and I do not know what I would have done with you." Merlin replies eyes darting about while gnawing at his bottom lip

 

They do not push too much with Merlin. They all know what difficult times he is speaking about and they know if they push too far that they will not be seeing him again anytime soon. The last time it was Hunith that pushed and no one saw Merlin for six months. She kept tabs on him through Morgana and Gwaine.

 

The dinner continued on happier notes as Will and Freya talked about there last vacation in the states. They went to New York and saw a good bit of tourist attractions from the Statue of Liberty, The Empire State Building, down to the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA). They all laughed and reminisced about the old days before sharing slices of apple pie and tea.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

* * * Merlin and Arthur * * *

 

"How was your day?" Merlin inquires of Arthur while they are working on dinner

 

"Hectic, I working on a difficult account right now and I also have to get things ready for a charity function in a few weeks. Father has been hounding me as usual which is why I have been getting off later these past few days. I'm sorry about that though. I miss spending the extra time with you." Arthur smiles at Merlin. The smile meeting his eyes while he's slices the vegetables to go into the beef stew.

 

"It's okay. I knew what I was getting into when I started dating a CEO. We can spend more time together on the weekend. When is this charity function?" Merlin asks

 

Not looking at Merlin as he responds, "The last Saturday of the month, but I will spend as much time as possible with you before and after." Arthur replies smoothly before moving towards Merlin leaning in and giving a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. He smiles but this time the smile does not meet his eyes. Merlin notices but dismisses it filing it away for another day.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

* * * Pub Night * * *

 

At the pub Merlin and Arthur come in hand and hand while the rest of the gang is already there. At the corner tables are put together and they find Morgana, Leon, Gwen, Lancelot, Percival, Elena, Elyan, and Gwaine. Upon seeing Merlin and Arthur everyone comes giving hugs and Gwaine goes to the bar to put in the orders. Beers for Gwaine, Percival, and Lancelot. Whiskey for Arthur, Leon, and Elyan, and Mojito drinks for the ladies as it is their flavor of the month drink. Except for Gwen stating that she wanted apple juice this time for some reason.

 

Gwaine announces to the gang that he and Elena are officially dating which everyone just looks at him as though saying "Duh," as they all knew that was coming.

 

"Gwen and I also have an announcement to make." Lancelot and Gwen stand this time

 

"We having a baby" Gwen states and the gang erupts giving hugs and congratulations as this is the first newborn addition to their little family

 

The gang starts talking about work, the soon to be addition for Lancelot and Gwen, Gwaine and Elena's relationship, and their lives in general.

 

When Merlin makes his way over to the bar he did not realize he was being followed by Morgana.

 

"Merlin, do you have a minute?"


	7. Difficult Conversations - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of you that have reviewed, subscribed, or have given kudos for this story.
> 
> I hope that you enjoy the chapter.

Merlin knew by looking at Morgana that:

1\. He was _not_ going to like this conversation

2\. There was _no way_ out of this discussion

3\. Morgana had a look of determination and a hint of something else that he has seen before in her eyes and right now he really just does not like it but knows her heart is in the right place.

 

He opens his mouth anyway in a half arse attempt to dodge but with one more look at Morgana decides against it. He allows himself to be maneuvered outside of the pub and around the corner.

 

After they make it around the corner Morgana begins,

"Merlin, Hunith ask me to speak with you." Morgana begins softly

"I don't know why, everything is fine. I am fine. I also just saw my mother not long ago." Merlin states quickly

"Merlin, her asking was only a confirmation for me to know that my intentions to want to speak with you were spot on as well." Morgana continues but Merlin cuts her off

  
"Confirmation, intentions, Morgana what are you on about..

"Have you told Arthur about Valiant yet?" Morgana states cutting right to the chase

Merlin flinches at that name. He pauses and then taking a defensive stance continues

"No, I haven't"

"Don't you think it is time? You and Arthur have been going out for a few months. The things you've been through.."

"I _don't_ want to talk about this Morgana.." Merlin taking a deep breath attempting to calm himself blurts out

"Merlin, you may not want to talk about this but you will have to talk about this. If not with me than with Arthur. In case you haven't noticed, my brother is practically in love with you. That sort of baggage that you are dealing with is not going to help.

"Morgana..

But Morgana continues because she knows that this is the only way to get a message through to Merlin whether he fails to speak with her for a few weeks or not she knows he needs to hear this.

"He is not perfect and he will say the wrong thing, he will do the wrong thing, and when you become angry or hurt he will not know what he has done to fix it." 

"Don't you think I have not considered this. I have (Merlin yells, eyes angry) I am stronger than before Morgana. I am not that weak man that allowed those things to happen to me and I will not allow it to interfere with my relationship with Arthur. He means too much to me."

Morgana listened but caught a key phrase in Merlin's rant

"Sweetheart, you blame yourself for this don't you?" Morgana whispers horrified by the revelation

"I do not.."

"You said, you allowed yourself, that you allowed those things to happen. Those things that Valiant did to you is not your fault Merlin. Surely, you know better.."

"What I know is that I allowed myself to fall in love with a man that abused me. (Merlin states in a tone that is unfeeling and devastatingly calm for the things that he is revealing) What I know is that I kept telling myself that he would change. I kept allowing myself to be convinced that he would change.

Each bruise," 

"Merlin..."

"Each broken bone.."

" _Merlin_.. Morgana yells to cut in because Merlin blaming himself again is not going to happen this time. "Merlin, was it your fault that Valiant had a history of abusive relationships that you knew nothing about? Was it your fault that he lied to you constantly, that he beat you so much that you felt you needed to hide it from your friends and isolate yourself from us, from your family? Merlin,

Morgana pauses because this hurts. It has hurt her as she was one of those people that tried to help her friend during parts of this ordeal. Her eyes are tearing up and she is getting angry. Not at Merlin, but at the situation.

"Is it your fault, that when you tried to leave he would threaten you to the harm of your love ones? Was it your fault that he raped you once you left him?" Morgana goes hoarse on that last sentence "Merlin, none of this is your fault. You fought back, you turned everything in your life around and you are stronger for it. You did not rebound into other relationships you put your life together. 

But it is still a major part of your life. Don't you think that Arthur deserves to know about that part?" Morgana states softly

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Arthur notices Morgana cornering Merlin and leading him out of the pub. He also begins to get the feeling that the gang is supposed to be keeping him busy somehow. He does what he thought was best and fakes going to the loo. They fail to understand that Pendragons can do stealthy and excellently. Growing up in a house with Uther and attempting to hide away from his inquisitions, his sudden interest, his lectures, or just to sneak out of the house. He and Morgana have mastered not being seen when they needed to. He sort of wishes that he did not overhear any of this conversation but also knows that if he and Merlin are going to survive this relationship they need to understand one another. They also need to have honesty, something that is bothering him right now every time he thinks about Mithian. He comes just in time to hear:

 

_"Don't you think I have not considered this. I have (Merlin yells, eyes angry) I am stronger than before Morgana. I am not that weak man that allowed those things to happen to me and I will not allow it to interfere with my relationship with Arthur. He means too much to me."_

_Morgana listened but caught a key phrase in Merlin's rant_

_"Sweetheart, you blame yourself for this don't you?" Morgana whispers horrified by her revelation_

_"I do not.."_

_"You said, you allowed yourself, that you allowed those things to happen. Those things that Valiant did to you is not your fault Merlin. Surely, you know better.."_

_"What I know is that I allowed myself to fall in love with a man that abused me. (Merlin states in a tone that is unfeeling and devastatingly calm for the things that he is revealing) What I know is that I kept telling myself that he would change. I kept allowed myself to be convinced that he would change._

_Each bruise,"_

_"Merlin..."_

_"Each broken bone.."_

_"Merlin.. Morgana yells to cut in because Merlin blaming himself again is not going to happen this time. "Merlin, was it your fault that Valiant had a history of abusive relationships that you knew nothing about? Was it your fault that he lied to you constantly, that he beat you so much that you felt you needed to hide it from your friends, from your family? Merlin,_

_Morgana pauses because this hurts. It has hurt her as she was one of those people that tried to help her friend during parts of this ordeal. Her eyes are tearing up and she is getting angry. Not at Merlin, but at the situation._

_"Is it your fault, that when you tried to leave he would threaten you to the harm of your love ones? Was it your fault that he raped you once you left him?" Morgana goes hoarse on that last sentence "Merlin, none of this is your fault. You fought back, you turned everything in your life around and you are stronger for it. You did not rebound into other relationships you put your life together._

_But it is still a major part of your life. Don't you think that Arthur deserves to know about that part?" Morgana states_

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"What if he does not want me?" Merlin questions

"Arthur is not like that Merlin.."

"What if he thinks of me as damaged goods, as weak, as someone not worthy of him?" Merlin is to tears and he is shaking

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Arthur is at a view where he can see, hear, and not be heard. He is looking on clearly devastated by the revelations. He wants to reach out and embrace Merlin. To tell him that everything is going to be alright. That he would never think any less of him. That he would never hurt him like that. He wants to take him home and to not let him go. Never wanting him to feel any pain again. He wants to rip this Valiant's head off. His emotions are warring with the other and he is not too sure which ones are going to win. What he does know is that he will not think any less of Merlin.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Merlin, Arthur is my brother. I know him and I know that he would love you just the same _no matter what_." Morgana states softly

Merlin is breaking down now as anytime the subject of Valiant comes up. He slides down to the ground crying and Morgana slides down with him holding him through it as she has done so many times before. 

 

Arthur unable to take anymore comes up to them and taps Morgana on the shoulder lightly. It startles her at but upon recognizing Arthur she smiles not surprised that her brother is out there and not surprised to see tear tracks in his eyes either. Her getting up alerts Merlin to Arthur's presence but he does not bolt allowing the trade off from Morgana to Arthur.

"I'll just go back inside. I'll tell the others that you both had to leave." (She stoops back down to Merlin once more and kisses him on the cheek) "Remember what I said Merlin and if you need someone to talk to, I am hear for you." Morgana whispers

Merlin nods to her in understanding. She then kisses Arthur on the cheek as well before excusing herself and going back to the pub. Merlin and Arthur stay curled up in an embrace for several minutes but it feels much longer than that before they attempt in conversation.

 

"I'm sorry." Merlin whispers into Arthur's shoulder

"You have nothing to apologize for." Arthur whispers back while kissing the Merlin's forehead

"I should have told you." Merlin states tears still falling from his eyes but slowing down now

"You should have, and you would have. I have no doubt." Pulling back to look Merlin in the eyes blue meeting blue. "I don't want you to ever feel like you cannot come and talk to me about something. I don't ever want you think that I will think any less of you or think that you are not good enough." Pulling Merlin back into his arms and speaking with conviction. "You will always be good enough for me."

"I don't know where to start." Merlin confides

"How about we go back to mine, shower, change, get a pint of that Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream you like so much, (Arthur pauses leaning down to give Merlin a kiss barely grazing his lips) curl up in bed and start at the beginning. Sounds like a plan we can agree with?"

"I can work with that." Merlin responds looking at Arthur with such a fondness that Arthur is not sure what to do with because this is not a night for that.

But talk they do and there are more tears but they end the evening stronger than before.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Difficult Conversations - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have taken the time to read, review, give kudos, and have subscribed to this story. It means so much.
> 
> Remember, reviews are like chocolate. Can't have enough of it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Arthur has never felt better. He is in his shower singing This will be (An Everlasting Love) and he realizes that this song fits perfectly with Merlin. He also remember the song 'Our Love' the song they danced to the night that they first made love and realizes that fit with Merlin too. 'Two out of three,' he states out loud.

He just spent the night with Merlin and their lovemaking his _never been better_. Not to mention their morning on the kitchen floor after breakfast. Merlin can be insatiable at times. It hits him then how Merlin is beginning to become essential in his life. It has only been a six months now but these six months have been the best six months that he has had in his twenty four years. After three months Arthur begged Merlin to move in with him. He has been asking each month since they started dating and Merlin had finally accepted.

Arthur reminisces about the night that Merlin told him about Valiant. The courage that it took for Merlin to open up to him and how much stronger they have become because of it. Merlin is one of the strongest men that Arthur has known and he loves his strength, his courage, and his tenacity to overcome. He just loves him.

The only problem with living together is your partner now has a better understanding of your whereabouts. Things that may have been hidden before may not be hidden so intricately now.

He should have none that it could not last forever before something or someone tried to interfere.

Uther has still been harassing him at every dinner about his and Merlin's relationship. Fortunately Morgana has been trying to help in an attempt to vindicate herself for what she did previously. Too bad she is not the heir to the throne as Uther puts it otherwise it may have helped.

 

_"Arthur, you have had your fun but now it is time for you to start think practically" Uther criticizes_

_"This is me, thinking practically father, I will not continue to go to these gatherings with Mithian. I am in a relationship whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. I have been for six months and I am going to do everything in my power to see that this relationship continues." Arthur is shaking at this point internally but continues_

_"Merlin **matters** to me. He has done nothing but treat me like one of the most important people in his life and spending this time with Mithian is not going to help matters if he finds out and begins to feel betrayed. We live together now and you know this. In fact, if it were not for the case that he does stay up on current events I am surprised that he has not already found out. I know what you are trying to do by continuing to accept these invitations on my behalf. You think that this will change me, change who I am in hopes of me breaking up with him and to be with her. It is not going to work. I am just realizing what a fool I have been trying to keep you happy at the cost of my own happiness."_

_"Arthur, you need to **tread** clearly son. I have tolerated this lifestyle choice for as long as I am going to but it will not continue much longer. Whatever royal oaks you need to sow, sow it quickly. Mithian has been patient and understanding and believe or not she is what is best for you. This.. Merlin.. is not._

_I do not know what I have done. Possibly if I spent more time with you this would not have happened. Maybe not have sent you to public schools or if you had went to Oxford as per our heritage anything. Maybe this would not have happened." Uther is practically seething but maintains his composure._

_"Father, you speak as if this is some type of disease. Like I can be cured. I am telling you that I cannot. This is not a disease, this is not a choice, it is who I am and if you cannot handle that I do not know what else to say at this point._

_But I will say this, spending all of this time with Mithian is wrong and I will not be able to continue doing this. Merlin means too much to me and now I am going to have to find a way to tell him about all of this and pray that he will understand my twisted family values because I tell you what, I do not think that I do." Arthur states fiercely before turning away and leaving the office._

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Merlin has never been happier. He knows that it sounds cliche' but it is true. He knows what it is like to have someone in his life that has betrayed him and makes him feel less of himself. Arthur makes him feel complete. He trusts him and trust is not so easy to be had where Merlin is concerned. This is what makes the news coming most difficult for him to take.

 

"Merlin, have you been following the news later?" Will questions at lunch.

 

They are in the uni cafeteria eating the turkey on rye sandwiches that are the lunch of the day. Freya is present as well. Will does not get the chance to visit often but they all make an attempt to meet up once a month no matter the distance as they stayed close throughout the years.

 

Merlin is starting to pick up on the edginess to Will's expression that sympathetic look that Freya is trying her best not to give but is clearly failing at.

 

"Will, you know how I feel out the news. It is always depressing. Life is depressing enough. Why do I have to sit there and watch or read the gossip columns and for what, they are normally lies anyway." Merlin states but by his friends expressions he is starting to get a little agitated because he has a feeling that he is missing something.

 

"The thing about not keeping up with information Merls is that sometimes you miss things that you should have been aware of all along." Will hesitates but states anyway

 

"If you have something to say Will just say it." Merlin is getting upset now and it is showing

 

Freya uses this time to interject.

 

"Merlin, how is Arthur?"

 

"He's fine, and what does Arthur has to do with what Will is trying and failing to tell me?" Merlin states tensely

 

"It is not his place to be saying anything." Freya states adamantly cutting Will off at the pass as she sees his mouth about to run off as usual.

 

"Just, do us a favor and ask Arthur about a woman that he has dealings with named Mithian." Freya presses gently

 

Everyone knows how Merlin can be and no one wishes to push him away. She is a little upset that she even has to be involved with this. Upset at Will for bringing it up and upset with Arthur for placing them in this predicament.

 

"Who is Mithian, why is it important that I mention her, and what does it have to do with Arthur?" Merlin inquires sternly getting more upset by the second

 

"Like Freya said Merls, ask the prat about that. It is not our place to say." Will finishes

 

Merlin _does not_ like that answer  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Merlin goes home early that day and does something that he has never done before. Though he moved in with Arthur he kept his old place since it was paid for. He is there now as he needs some time for himself. He still keeps things there as sort of a hide-a-way when he needs it. His sense of independence. Something he lost for a while with Valiant and though he trusts Arthur he never wishes to feel the way he did with Valiant again. Keeping his own place for the time being helps him with that. When he is ready he will let it go but now he is not so certain if that is a good idea.

 

He is there now searching Arthur on the internet. There are details regarding his uni days, awards, and merits. Pictures from childhood to now. Stories that feature his mother when she was alive and Uther. They are stories in detail about Morgana and her recent marriage to Leon and there are more stories regarding Arthur and his accomplishments as CEO of Pendragon Associates.

 

As he continues he sees stories regarding Mithian Bayard in relation to Arthur. Some titled, 'Next Power Couple?' while others hint at upcoming nuptials. Some even have quotes from Uther Pendragon stating that love is in the air for the two. As he reads on he finds out that Arthur has been seeing her regularly at different charity functions. The dates are in sync with the times that he and Arthur are not together.

 

At this time Merlin is getting pissed but is trying so hard to give Arthur the benefit of the doubt. "There has to be more to this." Merlin whispers to himself while pacing a whole practically on his carpet. He knows Arthur and even though the evidence is staring him right in the face he just cannot believe that Arthur would cheat on him but at the same time he has been fooled before with Valiant.

 

Merlin is stewing on this now. He takes a shower, changes, grabs a beer out of the fridge while contemplating what to do next. He and Arthur did not make plans for the evening but he thinks they need to talk but after he has calmed down. People make hasty decisions and say things that they cannot take back when they are angry.

 

He continues to think, remembering what he has read and understanding that Arthur has been going out with this woman pretty much for their entire relationship. It maybe at these 'so-called' functions but Arthur has never invited him to any of those functions. If it were not something that Arthur was trying to hide wouldn't he have mentioned it by now? If he were not ashamed of him would he not have taken him instead of taking this Mithian character? Is he not good enough? All of Merlin's doubts and insecurities or creeping into his thought processes and this is not good.

 

Merlin reaches out to the only person aside from Arthur that he knows would know anything about this and that would possibly give him a straight answer. He knows Leon would know as well but he works with Arthur also and would possibly cover for him. He thought about Gwen as well but was uncertain of what she may know. No, there is only one person.

 

"Morgana Pendragon" Morgana states over the phone

 

"Who is Mithian Bayard?" Merlin inquires

 

"Mer..Merlin, is that you?" Morgana stumbles

 

"Yes, Morgana, its me, who is Mithian Bayard?"

 

"Where did you here that name from Merlin?"

 

"It doesn't matter, I just spent hours going through the internet and looking up Arthur after spending lunch with an evasive Will and Freya. The internet has all of these pictures of Arthur with this Mithian bird like they are some couple. (Merlin pauses then with hurt clearly in his voice goes on) Morgana the dates go back to when Arthur and I first started dating.." Merlin is panicking on the phone

 

"Merlin, don't read anymore of that stuff, you know that it is not always as it seems. You have said so yourself. I'm surprised you even read anything online anyway you hate gossip." Morgana states trying to avoid the questions coming. (She is pissed at Arthur for letting this get so far and pissed at Uther for starting this in the first place)

 

"Don't try and change the subject Morgana. I know I hate reading these things but when your friends start hinting things and naming names you don't know in relation to your boyfriend and hinting that I am left in the dark there are not may alternatives left for me now is it?" Merlin states angrily.

 

"Merlin," Morgana states after a moment of silence, "Don't you think you should be having this discussion with Arthur?

 

"I am having this discussion with you. I am not ready to have this discussion with Arthur yet." Merlin states clearly exasperated

 

"Merlin, it is not my place to say.." Morgana whispers

 

"I am _so tired_ of hearing that from everyone.." Merlin yells

 

"Merlin, what I can say is that Arthur loves you Merlin, _and only you_. There are.. _things_.. in Arthur's life that can be complicated and think he has been trying to protect you from those things but he loves you Merlin. So much."

 

" _Loves me.. protects me._. (Merlin is crying now staggering through the words) If he _loved me_ he would have _told me_. You pushed me into telling Arthur about Valiant and so I did it. I have been an open book to him. Protect me, I am not some fragile piece of glass that needs protecting, Morgana. You know what, I can't do this right now.."

The line goes dead before Morgana can say anything else.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Arthur is finished up a meeting with Gwen, one of his best friends, Lance's wife, and his PA, and is getting ready for his next meeting within the hour when Morgana rushes in.

"Arthur, we _need_ to talk"

"Not now Morgana, I have a meeting within the hour with father to go over the projections for the King acquisition."

"Its about Merlin" Morgana states

Arthur takes a look at Morgana now. Her lips are trembling, her eyes look frantic, and she is fidgeting.

"Did something happen? Is he alright? What's the matter Morgana?"

"He knows about Mithian"

Arthur bolts from his seat and is in front of Morgana within seconds. There is an expression of fear in his eyes though the rest of his face is masked. His lips are frowned.

"What do you mean, he knows about Mithian?" He pauses and breathes out "Morgana, what does he know about Mithian?"

" _Everything_ "


	9. Difficult Conversations - Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have taken the time to read, review, give kudos, and have subscribed to this story. It means so much.
> 
> Remember, reviews are like chocolate. Can't have enough of it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.

  


* * *

* * *Arthur's POV * * *  
 __  
Even though it's been so long  
My love for you keeps going strong  
I remember the things that we used to do  
A kiss in the rain 'til the sun shine through  
I try to deny it but I'm still in love with you

 

Arthur was listening to the words of Natalie Cole's 'Miss You Like Crazy,' like he had for what seemed like the tenth time already that day. Drinking down another shot of whiskey hoping he could find some resolution at the bottom of the glass.

 

_I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy_  
Ever since you went away, every hour of every day  
I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy  
No matter what I say or do  
There's just no getting over you 

 

Merlin did not come home that night after he spoke with Morgana. Nor did he come home the night after that or the night after that. In fact, Merlin had not been home in a _week_. Arthur tried calling, leaving messages, leaving text messages, emails, and all to no avail. He had no idea where Merlin was. The only thing that he knew was that he fucked up the most important thing in his life.

 

_I can see the love shining in your eyes_  
And it comes as such a sweet surprise  
If seeing's believing it's worth the wait  
So hold me and tell me it's not too late  
We're so good together, we're starting forever now 

 

Arthur is replaying everything in his head now. He really has no idea why he kept anything from Merlin. Why did he lie, though technically he didn't necessarily lie but the omission of the truth can still be considered a lie right? It was not like he cared for Mithian in any special way. He did it to try to appease his father. A father that has never truly been accepting of him and his life choices. A father that would probably never accept Merlin. Does that make it right? No, it does not. It does not make it right if it has caused hurt to the man he loves. The man that means more to him than anything. But what good would it do if he can't even speak with Merlin? The thought of losing him without even having a chance to fight for him was killing Arthur.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

* * *Merlin's POV * * *

Merlin has never been so confused as he has been over the past week in all of his life. When Valiant hurt him he knew that Valiant did not love him. That he used him as a possession and treated him as an obsession. He knows that Arthur does not treat him this way nor does he care about him in a way that an obsessed man would. He knows that Arthur loves him and that is what is tearing him apart.

 

Merlin has not been to sleep in days. He has barely eaten and has only left his bedroom out of necessity. He has seen the messages and the emails but is at a loss of what to say. He knows that running away has always been his escape but it gives him the time that he needs to cope and to reconcile things to himself. He is not used to being in a relationship where he depends solely on someone as they would depend on him. He thought he was starting to get to that point where he truly did let someone in completely. Where he let Arthur in completely but then this happened.

 

"Maybe if I can get over my own insecurities I can lesson to reason where Arthur is concerned." Merlin mutters to himself. But why would he lie? Maybe he loves me but he is not in love with me? Maybe he wanted Mithian to hide that he was gay? Maybe he was ashamed of me? Why would he do this? Merlin growls to himself and turns over in his bed for another round of crying.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

* * * Queen Morgana? * * *

Meanwhile on the other side of town at Morgana and Leon's the group has come together to discuss two of their favorite people. Morgana likes to call these 'meetings' the 'Meeting of the Round Table.' They have not had many over the years and only in extreme situations. Morgana never thought it was a _coincidence_ that she, her family, and her friends had names based on Arthurian Legend. They all flocked to one another and they were close as if recognizing the other in some joint destiny. Leon and Morgana had a huge cellar where some would call a basement. In that spot she kept a round table for the occasion.

As this meeting was about Merlin and Arthur they would not be present and since Arthur would have been King if he were here she now gets to be Queen as the next in line to the throne and really, she _should be_ the rightful heir. This was Morgana's logic anyway. She still was _fifteen minutes older_ than her little brother.

"Alright, alright, we are all here now. Though I have to tell you that Elena and I were right in the middle of.."

  
"Gwaine," Elena cuts in blushing.

"Well we were. And what is so important that we had to rush over and that Merlin and Arthur could not be told about it?" Gwaine asked in his cheeky tone that he sometimes does

Gwen, Lancelot, Percival, Leon, and Elyan were already present. Gwen and Lancelot stopped to Starbucks before coming with every ones favorite order though Morgana could not help but wonder if a shot of whiskey would have gone down better for the occasion. As Gwaine and Elena took their seats Morgana went into the purpose of the meeting.

 

  
"What is so important Gwaine is that we have to find a way to snap Merlin and Arthur out of the slumbers long enough to get them communicating."

 

  
"I've seen Arthur at work and I have never seen him look more depressed." Gwen whispers sympathetically

 

  
"I have to agree. In our last meeting, Arthur kept going over the same thing not even paying attention to anything that we were discussing. It doesn't even look like he is sleeping properly." Leon stated

 

"Or eating" Gwen adds

  
"I've spoken to Freya and Gaius at uni as they work with Merlin and they stated that he is nothing but a pale, walking, zombie at the moment." Morgana sighs

"They need to talk with each other." Percival adds

"The problem is will they? We all know that Merlin does not like anything to do with confrontations" Elyan comments

"I spoke with Arthur and he has tried to reach out to Merlin but with no response. He does not even know where Merlin is." Gwaine sighs

"Unlike Arthur I have a good feeling of where Merlin is." Morgana responds eyes fixated on the table all of a sudden

Everyone looks here way.

"Morgana, if you know something, now is the time to say it." Gwen urges

"As you all know, Merlin and I have gotten pretty tight over the years. I have a good idea of how his mind thinks and though he may have moved in with Arthur I do not think he would have let go his own piece and security." Morgana states almost hesitantly

"You think he kept his place and did not sell it as we all thought." Gwen states pulling the pieces together

"It won't make a hill of a bean of a difference if they won't _communicate_ with the other." Gwaine adds

"Which is why we are all here." Morgana states with a determined look on her face

 

The gang came up with the idea to divide and conquer. Both Merlin and Arthur were in depressed states and would not do the other good if they did not get themselves together first. Morgana, Gwen, Elena, and Lancelot were off to Merlin's while Leon, Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan were off to Arthur's. They knew they could not do much aside from being an ear to listen to, a shoulder to cry on, and a mouth to put their two cents in. But mission Excalibur was no underway. Well, this is what Morgana named it anyway unbeknownst to her fellow comrades.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

* * * Arthur's Intervention * * *  
 __

_I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy  
Ever since you went away, every hour of every day  
I miss you like crazy, I miss you baby  
A love like ours will never end,  
Just touch me and we're there [again](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/n/natalie+cole/miss+you+like+crazy_20098203.html) _

 

Arthur was still drowning his sorrows in a bottle of whiskey and listening to Natalie Cole's 'Miss You Like Crazy' song  when the doorbell ranged.

 

"Go away." Arthur yelled. He knew it wasn't Merlin because had a key. Hell, even Morgana had a key. Which means. Which means so did Leon when Leon opened the door with Percival, Gwaine, and Elyan behind him. Arthur rolled his eyes, looked at them, used his remote to turn off the music, and went back to drinking but this time from the bottle. Gwaine came up to him then.

 

"As much as I condone a drink now and then and you know this, I think you may have had enough princess." Gwaine states gently while taking the bottle away from Arthur and going into the kitchen.

 

"How are you?" Leon's asks worriedly. They have never seen Arthur like this. He and Morgana both were two people that stayed in control and seeing Arthur like this hurt.

 

"I feel like hell" Arthur frowns wiping his eyes with a hand

 

"Still no word from Merlin?" Percival inquires gently

 

"No, its like he dropped off the face of the earth." Arthur chokes out

 

Gwaine returns from the kitchen with tea, two aspirin, and toast. Arthur takes it with a small smile and a quiet thanks.

 

"Arthur" Leon waits until Arthur looks up to him "We know that you are having a difficult time right now but we wanted to let you know that we are here for you and that you are not alone in this."

 

"Thank you, all of you, but this, this is my fault. I should not have kept this from Merlin. He has been through enough. Even though nothing happened between Mithian and me I can still see how he could think of it as a betrayal. The problem is we will never get to deal with it if he doesn't wish to speak with me.

 

"Well, I don't think you will have to worry about that for long." Gwaine states with a smirk

 

"What do you mean?" Arthur asks with hope after catching that smirk from Gwaine

 

"Let's just say that the girls and Lancelot are working on it." Leon answers with a smile and a shiver. He knows those girls can be down right evil when they want to be. He almost feels bad for Merlin and by the look on Arthur's face he could tell that Arthur was thinking the same thing.

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

* * * Merlin's Intervention * * *

 

Merlin showered, changed, and was now drinking some tea when there was a knock at the door. Looking through the peep hole he was able to see Morgana, Lancelot, Gwen, and Elaine at the door. He thought that maybe, if he were quiet enough they would think that he was not home but the continued knocking told him that that plan would would not work.

 

"Merlin, Merlin we know you are in there. Open the door." Morgana banged determined

 

No response

 

"Merlin, you know Morgana. She is not going away anytime soon. Do us all a favor _please_ and open up the door." Lancelot said. Everyone turned to glare at him.

 

"What?" The sound of locks being unlocked "It worked didn't it" Lancelot responded sheepishly. Lancelot sighed. He knew he should have sent Percival in his place. They wouldn't be mean to Percy, he's just a big teddy bear.

 

As everyone filed in they gave hugs to or pats on the shoulder to Merlin. Morgana grabbed him in a hug and kissed him on the cheek. She always thought that Merlin was so adorable and like the second brother that she never had.

 

"We missed you Merlin" Gwen stated wholeheartedly

 

"Yeah man, its been a while. Sorry we are here under these circumstances" Lancelot stated

 

"Sorry you got roped in under these circumstances, mate." Merlin stated sympathetically while Lancelot rolled his eyes and deliberately gestured to the ladies. Merlin giggled lightly.

 

"We did miss you, Merlin" Elena stated in her cheerful way. Everyone has to love her and could never be mad at her. She and Gwaine made the perfect couple.

 

Like always Morgana gets right to the point.

 

"Merlin don't you think its time that you spoke with Arthur?" Morgana inquires pointedly eyes expectant of a good answer

 

"I need...time" Merlin mutters out

 

"Sweetheart, its been a week. How much time do you need? Arthur's been beside himself..." Gwen states before she is cut off by Merlin.

 

"Arthur should have thought about that before he spent our entire relationship going out with Mithian" Merlin states angrily

 

"Merlin, its not like that. You know my family is posh. I've been to those functions with Arthur and Mithian and I can truly say that nothing was going on between the two..." Elena states trying to allow Merlin to see reason before she is cut off by Merlin.

 

"Nothing is going on? Well then if nothing is as you say _'going on'_ then why did he feel the need to keep it from me? Withholding information is just as much of a lie then lying to someone. He _lied_ to me?" Merlin states while shaking. He really thought he had it together but he can see that he still does not.

 

"Merlin, I see the way that Arthur looks at you and I have known him for years. He clearly only has eyes for you.." Lancelot states honestly before he is cut off again by guess who.. Merlin.

 

"If he only has eyes for me then why was he with someone else? What am I not good enough? Does he think that the circle that he is around will think I am not worthy of him? Does he not _love me_ enough? Does he think his father will disown him or something if I am part of his life? What?" Merlin yells. Tears flooding his eyes that he is refusing to shed at the moment

 

"What am I _supposed_ to think? No one has answers for that do you? I have been honest with Arthur. I moved in with him against my better judgment. I _trusted_ him. He stated that he had functions for work and I _trusted_ him. Yes, I thought about why he never invited me but I did not think it was the right time to bring it up, obviously I was _wrong_. If he truly loved as you say he does he would have told me and not allowed me to find out like this." Merlin stated exasperated and hurt

 

Morgana, Lancelot, Gwen, and Elena stood stunned by the words of their friend for a moment before Morgana came forward and embraced him.

 

"Merlin.." Merlin was pulling away and she knew he was about to shut down so she had to make sure that her words hit home at this point.

 

"Merlin, listen to me and listen good. Arthur _does love you_. When I told him that you knew about Mithian I have never seen him so distraught. So completely devastated and over the past week so _utterly_ hurt and alone. I know you know this but he has called you, left messages, left text, and emails. He has been waiting up every night praying that you would come home. Arthur does not know where you are at the moment." (Merlin looked shocked that he had not figured it out) "Well lets just say that maybe those lost fifteen minutes between our births may have lost some oxygen to his brain preventing him from figuring things out." (She tries to lighten the mood knowing that she only knew because she knows Merlin so well and of his insecurities not to mention why did Arthur not think to stake out Merlin's workplace?)

 

"Merlin, I know you think that Arthur has deceived you in some way by withholding the truth and I know that you are mad. You have _every_ right to be. But before you completely shut him out there are some things that you should know. Some things that I will tell you and some things that you really need to let Arthur tell you. Okay?" Merlin nods and allows Morgana to continue

 

"Merlin, I know you have heard all about the dynamic of Arthur and I and what the first born male entails in our family, right?" (Merlin nods again while the rest of the gang take a seat because they have heard this on multiple occasions from both Arthur and Morgana) "Our father places a lot of pressure on Arthur. Even more so than he places on me as I will not be the one to run the family dynasty no matter how hard I work." (Morgana states almost bitterly) "With that there are.. _expectations_ as one would say and a lot of pressures.

 

Arthur has had a lifetime dealing with those pressures and loves our father very much. He has stood his ground on certain things, you for one. When he did it the first time that was when I knew for sure that what he felt for you was the beginning of something genuine. Around the same time you started dating our father started pressuring Arthur about his lifestyle choices. I won't go too far into that because that is for Arthur to tell you. I just want you to know that Arthur has been under a lot of pressure. He has been going out with Mithian to more or less appease father and I can guarantee you that they are merely friends. I cannot say why he has continued it other than the pressures of father which I can say is enough. I cannot say why that information was withheld from you but know this for certain." (Morgana takes her hands and places them in Merlin's and looks him straight in the eyes) "Know that _he loves you_ , that he hates himself right now for lying to you, and there is _no one else_ that he wants in his life but you. In fact, between me and you, I think you are the longest relationship that he has ever had."

 

Merlin looked surprised by that but he also seemed to calm down and also looked more like himself in the moment.

 

"Promise me Merlin, that you will go to him and that you will hear him out. Openly and objectively." Morgana asks standing tall, shoulders straight and back, and chin out waiting for a response like this is a business deal that she cannot lose. Little does she know that stance intimidates Merlin.

 

"..I, I promise." Merlin replies softly

 

"That's all I need to hear. I expect for you to see Arthur no later than tomorrow evening." Morgana states losing the soft tone and leaving no room for argument or objection. Just like the Pendragon she is.

 

"Yes, mum." Merlin replies cheekily (Morgana taps him on the shoulder playfully)

 

With that they gave their hugs and taps and exit out the way the came feeling like Operation Excalibur was a success. At least that is what Morgana called it. She knew that the boys' task was a lot of easier and that they simply needed to check on Arthur and boost his confidence. Though he was hurt she knew that Merlin could put his heart back together again. Yes, it was Merlin that really needed the intervention here. That was why she split the group up as she did. Merlin needed to see reason from someone who knew Arthur best and there was no one who knew Arthur and his motives better than his big sister. Morgana smiled to herself for her sharp mind and wit and considered it all in a day's work.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like the Arthurian twist with Morgana as Queen for the moment? I wanted to lighten the mood from the angst and the sadness. Tell me what you think.
> 
> Next chapter is coming up soon and its all Merthur with the angst and all!
> 
> Remember to, review, review, review!


	10. Difficult Conversations - Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur finally get their moment of confrontation. How will they move past the barriers in their relationship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have taken the time to read, review, give kudos, and have subscribed to this story. It means so much.
> 
> Remember, reviews are like chocolate. Can't have enough of it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * * The Confrontation and.. Reconciliation? * * *   
  
  
Arthur waited the first night for Merlin to come home but he didn't. Arthur refused to take a drink because he wanted to be sober for his talk with Merlin. Morgana assured him that Merlin was okay, that he needed time, and that he promised he would be coming to speak with him. He's not sure of what she said and she was not that forthcoming with the information but if it would bring Merlin home he would be indebted to her. Maybe not for life but they could work something out. She was after all, the 'Evil Queen.'  
  
  
When Arthur heard the door open needless to say his heart started beating faster and his palms started sweating. He _missed_ Merlin so much. His heart _ached_ for him. He _loved_ him. There was no denying it. Merlin fit in every part of his life, his being. He could _not_ lose him. Even if he lost his father in this he realized that he could not lose Merlin. He was it for him. If they could work through this he made himself a promise that he would marry this man. Maybe not now, but very soon. Though he knew it all depended on this conversation and he was afraid like he has never been afraid of anything in his life.  
  
  
Merlin is at the door leaning against it watching Arthur from across the room. He body language seems closed off but his eyes seem hopeful in the light. His eyes never lie. Arthur knows this about Merlin. Merlin walks towards him slowly and Arthur meets him half of the way.  
  
  
"I am here" Merlin states not angrily but as a loss for words  
  
  
"Yes, I missed you." Arthur breathes out with all sincerity attempting to meet Merlin's eyes. Merlin shifts his eyes to somewhere over Arthur's shoulders.  
  
  
"I want to know why?" Merlin asks  
  
  
"Is there anything that you need to know why of in particular?" Arthur breathes out.   
  
  
This is important. Arthur can answer questions. He is good at that. But this has to be done right and he needs to be honest with Merlin and they need to clear the air tonight. He knows Merlin is a flight risk. He has already been warned by Morgana and by the rest of the gang. Hell he figured that out himself a week ago but he has to make this right.  
  
  
"Why did you tell me about Mithian? Was there something going on between you two? Were you cheating on me? Why was I not good enough for you? Why did you have me move in with you if you were with someone else during the whole time of our relationship? Why did I have to hear hints from other people and have to find out by myself?"   
  
  
Merlin voice continued to raise anxiously after each question. His eyes were filling up and Arthur so hated himself at this moment because he never wanted to be the reason behind Merlin crying and he sees the redness in his eyes now that they are standing closer to each other as clear as day.  
  
  
"I am going to answer your questions and I am going to answer what you didn't ask but I ask one thing of you as well." (He waits for a response from Merlin and Merlin gives him a nod to show him that he could continue) "I ask that you hear me out and that you do not leave until you have heard everything that I have to say. Are we agreed?"  
  
  
Merlin shifts a little side to side with that. Leaving is his defense mechanism. But he looks into Arthur's eyes and sees something there and then nods in agreement. Is was not a 'yes' but Arthur takes it anyway.  
  
  
"I had all intentions about telling you about Mithian while at the same time I did not want you to know about her. I just finished telling my father a week ago that I could not see her anymore because I _could not risk losing you_. I was a fool to be going out with her in the first place. Nothing happened. Physically or emotionally I swear to you. There was nothing between us other than friendship and if you don't believe you can ask her yourself."  
  
  
"In regards to thinking that you are not good enough for me. I am going to say this once and I want you to listen good because I do not want to _ever_ hear that comment come out of your mouth again. _You are and will always be good enough for me_ , more than enough for me even. I had no concept of what it meant to be truly in love until you came into my life and I know that we have not really said the words but _I do love you_ , Merlin. Not Mithian, not anyone else. You _matter_ to me and you are more than enough."   
  
  
Merlin looks at Arthur stunned and swallows hard. Arthur sees that and his stays still for a moment to make sure that Merlin digests that piece of information staring at him meeting his eyes dead on before continuing.  
  
  
"I wanted to you to move in with me because I am a selfish bastard and could not stand to be without you. I wanted you in my arms _every_ night. I wanted you to be the last person that I saw before I went to sleep and the first person that I saw when I woke up."  
  
  
"And while we are on the subject of that this week pretty much destroyed me. That _cannot_ happen again _Mer_ lin. You cannot just walk out when the going gets tough.." Arthur states angrily but is cut off by Merlin  
  
  
"I'm sorry, I was _hurt_ , and I didn't know what is else to do.." Merlin states searching Arthur's face but speaking with all honestly but Arthur cuts Merlin off this time.  
  
  
" _You stay, we fight_. You yell, you scream, _whatever it takes_ until we work it out. Even if we didn't work it out we owe to ourselves to try. You _do not_ run away and not return any of my calls or my messages. Hell, you could have been dead on the streets Merlin.." Arthur yells out some more.  
  
  
"Morgana knew where I was" Merlin whispers out  
  
  
"I don't give a fuck about Morgana, _Mer_ lin, this is about _you and me_. No one else. I did not know where you were. You are _my_ boyfriend. We have a problem, _we_ work it out." (Arthur's gesturing between the two of them at that) " _That_ is what you do when you are in a _relationship_. If I did something wrong it should be _me_ that you call and me that you talk to about it." Arthur spits out.   
  
  
He has to calm down, he does not want to push Merlin away but Merlin _has_ to understand this. Relationships are a two way street and if they are going to make it he has to get this and he _has_ to get this because they are _going to make it_. Arthur will _not_ settle for nothing less. He knows Merlin is the one for him.  
  
  
"I said I'm _sorry_. I was hurt, angry, and I felt _betrayed_. I didn't want to speak with you for fear that I was going to say the wrong thing. (Merlin yelled out, eyes pooling with water) I feared that what I read and heard snippets of was true and I did not know if I could take it. So if you think it hurt only _you_ that I was away than you were _wrong_. It hurt me too." Merlin whispering the last part taking a hand to his hair leaving it spiked in different directions. Arthur pressing the bridge of his nose in frustration.  
  
  
"I know it hurt Merlin but we would have gotten no where if we failed to sit in the same room together to talk. I _never_ wanted you to feel betrayed, angry, or hurt about anything that has to do with me." Arthur whispers  
  
  
"I never wanted you to hear about this let alone hear about this from someone else." Arthur states more to himself than to Merlin  
  
  
"Why not?" Merlin needs to know  
  
  
"Its more reasons of my own insecurities Merlin and my own fears." Arthur's gives a chance to look at Merlin and only sees openness in Merlin's eyes, the hope that he will continue in them.  
  
  
"I am sure that you have heard enough about the expectations of my life whether it be from me, Morgana, or the rest of the gang but there are some things that go deeper than that." Arthur murmurs  
  
  
"Go on." Merlin urges encouragingly.  
  
  
He believes Arthur now. He can see the sincerity in his eyes, in his body language, he can hear it in his voice but he needs to understand.  
  
  
"All my life, I grew up with.. _expectations_. I was never good enough. At least that it how I felt. I made the honor roll, and was told that I could have done better. Made captain of the footie team and was told that I could have tried different maneuvers or done something different, even if the team won. Was born _gay_..and told taught that it was a disease." Arthur swallowed hard after that closing his eyes and Merlin just wanted to hold him at the moment but urged Arthur to continue.  
  
  
"Morgana was the lucky one, she was born a girl, though I am very happy to be a man she did not have those same expectations. She was only expected to settle down with a nice man and bring grandchildren. I was expected to be _perfect_ and I am not perfect, not in the least." Arthur breathes out eyes pooling with water and jaw clenched.  
  
  
"Your perfect to me." Merlin whispers low but loud enough for Arthur to hear  
  
  
"And I am glad to hear that because your opinion should have been the only opinion that _mattered_ to me in that regard but I had a lifetime of expectations to live up to and I was _afraid_ that I would bring shame to my family, shame to my father. Everyone else in my life as accepted my choices years ago, my father still thinks that I am playing some game, soiling my royal oaks as he calls it." Arthur states that last sentence angrily  
  
  
"I should have realized that I will never be that person that my father wants me to be. Even if I did have a different lifestyle choice as he puts it, it would have never been enough. There would always be something else. My father set up those dates with Mithian and though I was angry about it and I fought him tough and nail I still accepted it and went with her. I am sorry for that. I know that was wrong and I should not have done that to you, to myself, or to Mithian." Arthur pauses, hands folding into fist and unfolding.  
  
  
"I told him last week that I could not do it again and that I could not keep it from you any longer. I told him that my feelings for you are real and that you mattered to me. Merlin, there is _no one_ else for me. I really hope you believe me when I say this because this is me hook, line, and sinker _in love_ with you. My heart is literally in your hands here." Arthur states staring Merlin in the eyes looking like he is trying to find the fountain of youth in them. Such love, such intensity. Merlin can't think of anything else to do but go to Arthur and pull him into an embrace.  
  
  
"I love you, too, Arthur" Merlin whispers in his ear while holding him and kisses his cheek.   
   
  
"You are my other half, Merlin. You are the half that makes me whole. _You complete me_." (pausing to kiss Merlin's forehead gently and wiping the tears that are beginning to fall from Merlin's eyes) "You complete me" (Arthur whispers). "You are _everything_ to me" (Arthur kisses Merlin's brows, his eyelids, his cheek bones and then his mouth whispering over and over again) "You are _everything_ to me." (Arthur was shaking when he was finished pulling Merlin in a tight embrace before pulling back and saying,  
  
  
"Your _mine_ " There was such a rawness in Arthur's voice when he said that. A possessiveness in Arthur's eyes, clear blue eyes, such a sureness in it. The love was unmistakeable and Merlin stood in shock and awe of this. Arthur did not give Merlin a chance to respond before he grabbed Merlin face towards his and pulled him into a claiming kiss. "Your _mine_ "  
  
  
The kiss went rough from there Arthur's tongue entering Merlin's mouth forcefully and grabbed Merlin by his legs then his buttocks and pulled him up to allow Merlin to wrap his legs around Arthur. Arthur slammed Merlin to the wall with enough power to hurt but somehow Merlin didn't seem to care.  
  
  
Merlin grabbed Arthur's shoulders and moaned into the kiss. Emotions were on high as the kiss continued. Tongues fighting for dominance until Merlin gave in and allowed Arthur to have his fill. Teeth were clashing and Arthur's tongue made full circle of Merlin's mouth until they needed air and then Arthur still didn't stop he went to Merlin's jaw and then his throat leaving trails and bite marks along the way and coming back up roughly kissing those spots to ease any pain away in the way that he knew turned Merlin on.  
  
  
It had been so long. So long, and Arthur was playing for keeps. He almost lost Merlin and he never intended on letting Merlin go again. He ripped Merlin's shirt open buttons flying across the floor and diving in devouring Merlin's collar bone and moving towards his chest  
  
  
"Arthur.." Merlin's gasps out  
  
  
"Arthur.." He finally gets to say with a little more strength "Bedroom" That was about all that Merlin could get out at the moment.  
  
  
Arthur does not put Merlin down. Where he gets the strength is a wonder but he holds firm of Merlin's waist while kissing those full lips again knocking things over along the way. They stop at a few more rough surfaces kissing passionately and groping for purchase where skin could be found before finally tumbling into the bedroom. Clothes comes off shortly afterwards, preparation is finished, and Arthur enters into Merlin with one swift thrust. Merlin cries out and Arthur does not stop. He's _claiming_ Merlin and his thrusting in and out swift and deep leaving Merlin a babbling mess. Merlin is grabbing the sheets and then the headboard in attempts to hold on tight.  
  
  
"Your _mine_ , _Mer_ lin. (Arthur states huskily and with such an intensity that Merlin cannot look away). "Your mine, there will never be another." (Thrust. Arthur wanted to cry, their bodies fit together so perfectly as if Merlin was made for him and him alone). "Your all I think about" (Thrust grabbing Merlin's hips, pulling his hands from the headboard, and lifting him up to go deeper. That's going to leave a mark). "All I care about" (Thrust)   
  
  
"Arthur" Merlin moans (Thrust)  
  
  
"You complete me, Merlin" (Thrust) " _You..complete..me_ " (Thrust)  
  
  
Merlin cries out again as he comes by the last words screaming Arthur's name. Arthur thrusts in a several more times roughly through Merlin's orgasmic state before he comes as well. He leans down again and pulls Merlin up in his lap claiming him again in another possessive kiss.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the fight?  
> Was their enough angst? Not enough?  
> Did you enjoy the moment where they reconciled?  
> This was my third love scene, was their enough emotions? Was the intimacy too much? Too little?
> 
> I would love to hear your thoughts. It inspires me to write more.


	11. Tearing Down Barriers and Mending Fences - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are still barriers that need to be torn down between them and fences that need to be mended. But Arthur is determined to set things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have taken the time to read, review, give kudos, and have subscribed to this story. It means so much.
> 
> Remember, reviews are like chocolate. Can't have enough of it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.

 

* * * Merlin makes Breakfast * * *

  
Arthur wakes up with the cheesiest smile on his face after thinking about his night spent with Merlin. They made up, Merlin is **_his_** , and he is never going to let him go. He can almost smack himself for what he did that almost split them up. That brought Merlin to the state that he was in. Never again. He slides his hands over the sheets because he notices a coolness beside him and discovers he is in bed _alone_. Arthur frowns at this. But then he gets a whiff of the smell of bacon, eggs, and cheese coming from the kitchen and can't help himself from smiling again.

  
  
Arthur decides to get up, shower, shave, and slide on some pajama bottoms before heading off to the kitchen. He comes to the kitchen and has to stop for a moment. Merlin is wearing one of his footie t-shirts, briefs, and that is _all_. Granted, Merlin is muscled but he is thin and Arthur is muscled and solid which means this t-shirt swallows Merlin whole. But it is the fact that Merlin is wearing _Arthur's shirt_ and Arthur is looking at those legs that were wrapped around him so firmly last night. Arthur's eyes travel up looking at Merlin pale skin, firm thighs, tight ass that fits perfectly in Arthur's hands. Arthur swallows. He continues to follow the trail fixing on Merlin's shoulders and how his t-shirt is sliding off of one of Merlin's shoulders and he sees his own markings there from last night. He wants to make more. Arthur licks his lips, staring at Merlin now like he is about to devour him but tries to hide it quickly but failing when Merlin notices him.

  
  
Merlin sees Arthur staring at him like he is a turkey on Thanksgiving Day ready to be devoured and instantly his mind goes to last night when Arthur so thoroughly fucked him in the mattress. He gulps at the reminder and the intensity in Arthur's eyes.

  
"Good Morning" Arthur grins

  
"Good Morning" Merlin responds all dimples. Arthur loves those dimples.

  
Merlin is setting up Arthur's plate at the table along with his tea and when Arthur sets down he pulls Merlin towards him setting him on his lap.

  
  
"To what do I owe the honor of having this magnificent breakfast and seeing you in my shirt this morning?" Arthur states leaning in to get a kiss that Merlin happily returns

  
  
"I wanted.. to make it up to you for the time we missed." Merlin replies sincerely

  
  
"Well I have to say it will have to take several times of last night to make up for half of what I felt in your absence this past week." Arthur fails to filter his mouth in time along with some of his bitterness and Merlin tenses. Arthur catches it and quickly redeems himself.

  
  
" _But_ I appreciate the gesture, it looks wonderful and you look _adorable_ in my shirt." Arthur pulls Merlin towards him again kissing him tenderly before sliding his tongue over Merlin's lips and using his teeth to grab and suck on Merlin's bottom lip. Arthur does not think that he will ever get enough of Merlin and he does not want to.

  
Merlin then takes some bacon and breaks a piece half for himself and feeds Arthur the other half. Arthur takes it in his mouth letting his tongue circle the bacon first before latching on to Merlin's fingers and sucking it eagerly. Merlin is having flashbacks of other times he and Arthur has been together now and of when Arthur has sucked other things so eagerly.

  
  
When Arthur lets go he takes a look at Merlin, a good look as he holds Merlin's gaze and feels the ease of his body and feels this is the time to broach a question that has been bothering him for the past week.

  
  
He places a hand to Merlin's chin in order to keep the eye contact and asks, "Mind if I ask something?"

  
  
"Go on, your going to ask anyway." Merlin responds cheekily with a grin

  
  
"Why do you still own your old place?"

  
  
Merlin flinches at the question and Arthur catches it happy that Merlin is in his lap so that he can catch these fleeting body gestures because the gestures are quick. Arthur knows that Merlin wears his heart on his sleeves, the emotions show in his body gestures and the rawness of what he feels are in those crystal blue eyes. It took him a while but he thinks he is finally getting to understand the enigma which is Merlin.

  
  
"I didn't really think about it but I guess I did have my reasons." Merlin answers doggedly

  
  
"Care to share?"

  
  
Arthur persists getting a better grip of Merlin's chin and using his other hand to pull Merlin's waist closer to him. He needs eye contact with Merlin. He also needs for Merlin to open up to him. There are still barriers that need to be torn down between them and fences that need to be mended.

  
  
"Its more about my past, Arthur, and not much to do with you" Merlin sighs

  
  
Merlin does not want Arthur to feel that the reasoning has anything to do with him and he knows that he does. He also is not too keen in sharing his reasoning but sees that he does not have a choice as Arthur seems to be creeping in every part of him and tearing down all of his walls slowly but surely. Though he would be lying to himself if he didn't feel the relief in having his refuge during the past week, an _escape_ , a place to go. It seems Arthur can sense this to.

  
  
"Your past, present, future, all of it is you, Merlin. Which means it has _everything_ to do with me. Look at me, _Mer_ lin. We are a part of each other now and it affects _us_ whether you want it to or not. Any doubts, fears, or troubles, we can deal with it _together_. I just want to know why and I want you to tell me, please." Arthur is still holding Merlin's gaze, blue meeting blue with such an intensity that Merlin only nod to respond. After using his fingers to move from stray hairs from Arthur face and giving him a lingering kiss on his forehead Merlin's answers,

  
"When Valiant and I were together I was very young at the time. It was between my senior year in high school and my freshman year in uni. That's one of the reasons why you lot didn't see me. I had to do a lot of make up work to catch up from all of the times that I was in the hospital or too hurt to attend class."

  
Merlin pauses biting his bottom lip and Arthur uses the hand wrapped around Merlin's waist to sooth his back sliding his fingers in a circular pattern on Merlin's lower back to encourage him. Arthur seething inside like he is everytime he thinks of what Valiant has done but puts it aside because it cannot interrupt this conversation with Merlin.

  
  
"Everything was in Valiant's name. I trusted him at the time and then later I feared him. I could not make any moves without him finding out and when we finally did split any savings I had was in our joint account and the lease to the flat that we shared was in his name."

  
  
Merlin pauses again but tears are starting to build up in his eyes. He feels so humiliated speaking of this. This is still a sore subject and no matter how many times he has to open up it still feels too new. Like some gaping whole in him that can never close properly.

  
  
Arthur does not want to stop Merlin because they need to get past the things that is holding them back. He sense that Merlin needs to heal. There are still things that Merlin has not reconciled himself with but Arthur is determined to set things right. Merlin's reaction to the whole thing with Mithian proved that to him. Instead of fighting for them he took flight. Instead of coming home, he went to his own place. His own place that is not supposed to be there anymore. There is a trust factor here, _a wall_ , and he has to see that Arthur _is not_ Valiant. If Merlin does not see it then what will stop him from doing this again if they have another fight no matter how significant or even insignificant for that matter? Arthur leans forward and gives Merlin a kiss gently on the lips but allows him to continue.

  
  
"I didn't have any place to go." (Merlin sobs but is holding back tears except for one traitorous one that escaped and Arthur used his thumb finger to wipe away) "I couldn't go home. We fought over Valiant so many times. I was fortunate for people like Leon, Morgana, Lancelot, Gwen, and Gwaine. Gwaine was such a big help. Between he and Morgana they got me set up in the dorms after spending plenty of nights in their guestrooms and helped me get into a work study program with Professor Gaius. I do not know what I would have done without them." Merlin tugs at his hair and closes his eyes a moment taking in a deep breath.

  
  
"I kept my place because I never wanted to feel that way again." (He turns more toward Arthur looking sharply in his eyes) "When I moved in with you I guess I subconsciously kept it for the same reason. I did not think about it really but I cannot lie and say that I was not glad that I still had it last week. I know that everyone says I run away from the painful things and I know that I do when the problem it hits too close to home. I guess that also falls back to my own insecurities because if I had only ran away sooner from Valiant my life would be a lot different right now." Merlin finishes biting his lip again.

  
  
Arthur has to run a hand through his own hair this time taking a deep breath before responding and praying that he gets his words right.

  
  
"Your life may have been a lot different right now but you would not have been the person that I fell in love with Merlin." (Arthur pulls Merlin closer to him again and continues) "Its those experiences that make you the wonderful that you are before me. Those _experiences_ do not define who you are, they help you to learn from it but not to be imprisoned by the things that hurt you in the past. _You are more than that_. Valiant is not, and not everyone is him. Never forget that." Arthur replies adamantly

 

  
"I am supposing you want me to sell the house?" Merlin whispers hands balled into fist and muscles tensed. Arthur notices.

  
  
  
"I am not going to tell you what to do Merlin. I think you and I both know what I want. I will leave that choice to you." Arthur replies pulling Merlin in a gentle kiss again before letting go and getting ready for work leaving Merlin to those last lingering thoughts.

  
  
Arthur decided to leave the discussion like that. As much as he would like for Merlin to sell his house and fully commit to their relationship the choice has to be Merlin's. If he pushes to dominate he would be no better than Valiant and Merlin has to see that Arthur is not Valiant. That Arthur loves him and would never let anything like Merlin has experienced happen to him again. Merlin has to let go. Arthur is just happy to see that Merlin now sees this answer himself. It is what he does with the answer now is the question. Arthur also realizes that pushing too hard might push Merlin away, with the patience he never thought he had he has decided to put the ball in Merlin's court. Now that one talk is complete Arthur has someone else that he needs to see.  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
* * * Barriers between Father and Son * * *

  
Arthur patiently waits for Uther to finish his meeting his personal assistant before entering into the office. He sees his father collecting papers at his desk and organizing everything in his normal Pendragon's must be perfect manner. Arthur prepares himself knowing he's dressed sharp in his royal blue Armani suit, he straightens his back, chin up and closes the door.

  
  
"Arthur, to what I owe this honor. I was not aware that we had an appointment until tomorrow." Uther asks good cautiously but the look in his eyes was saying something else but Arthur was prepared this time.

  
  
"Father, there are some things we need to talk about." Arthur states trying to maintain his composure. Father will attack at _any_ sign of weakness. Arthur had learned this lesson since he was seven when Arthur scolded him for his tears when he broke his ankle from falling out of his tree house.

  
  
"Yes, I assume we do. We missed you at the charity function for Mercia last night. I couldn't help but notice that the beautiful Mithian was escorted by..what's his name..Percival Kingston?" Uther knew exactly who Percival was and Arthur knew it. He was not playing this game.

  
  
"Yes, I had plans last night. Mithian is single. Percival is single, I am in a relationship with Merlin. It made perfect sense to me." Arthur replied with a slight grin that turned down at Uther's expression.

  
  
"You know very well why it does not make any sense Arthur.." Uther states angrily and Arthur cuts him off

  
  
"Father, we have _had_ this discussion and last I remember saying was that I made myself clear that I would not be attending anymore of these functions with Mithian Bayard. If you want me to attend so badly than my plus one will be with Merlin Emrys. There will be _no more_ exceptions to this rule any longer, father." Arthur states adamantly and with conviction and fierceness in his eyes.

  
  
"Arthur.." Uther attempts but Arthur cuts him off again

  
  
"No father, this is it. Do you know what I've been through over the past week? Not that you care.."

  
  
"Don't tell me I don't care.."

  
  
" _Not that you care,_ " (Arthur shouted) "But I have been through hell and back because I almost _lost_ Merlin over the shenanigans that I have allowed myself to go through with Mithian to _appease_ you. This is it. This is me father. I will _never_ marry a woman, no matter how pretty, no matter how rich, no matter how much you think I will do it out of duty, there will be _no one_ that I want to be with except for Merlin.

  
  
"Arthur, we have had this discussion.." Uther states clearly exasperated before Arthur cuts him off again.

  
  
"And obviously you were not listening so let me make this perfectly clear _father_ so that there will not be any more misunderstandings, shall I. I _will not_ be set up on any more dates. I _will not_ be marrying anyone of your business partners or trusted friends daughters and any ones daughter for that matter. And this is where it gets _crystal father_. If you continue to push me, continue to railroad me then I no longer want you in my life." Arthur is yelling and Uther is stunned.

 

"I love you, father. I really do. I tried my whole life to be the son that you wanted me to be. To do _everything_ that you asked but I can't do it anymore. _I fell in love_. To the best of men, to the best of me, and he treats me in a way that I have _never_ been treated before" (Arthur is looking like he is miles away now seeing pale skin, dark hair, and blue eyes) "He loves me and _I love him_ and I _will not_ fail him. If I am not enough for you as I am then I am sorry. There is nothing that I can do about it anymore. If you want me to resign, I will, but I refuse to play the pawn anymore in your little chess game called life." Arthur finishes and with that storms out of the office.

  
  
Uther rest his arms on his desk and places his hands on his face. Shocked and stunned. For one, Arthur has never spoke in such conviction regarding _anything_. He always stated what he wanted but did the opposite. He never really took a solid stand, Uther has _always_ done it for him. He thought that was what being a father was about.

  
  
Uther loves his children. He may not always have been present. He had a company to run, a legacy to pass down, but he always knew what happened in his children's lives. He knew about their relationships, when they began to have active sex lives, (that sent shivers down Uther's spine to think about. When did his children grow up?) he knew about their break ups, any broken bones, car accidents, grades, extra curricular activities. He knew the things his children didn't have a clue that he knew about. Now his son is speaking to him like he hates him when all he ever wanted was the best for him.

  
  
Uther also didn't miss the look in Arthur's eyes when he was speaking about this..Merlin. That faraway look reminded him of the way that he looked at his beloved Ygraine. Only if she were here now, she would know what to do. But one thing is for certain, he needs to meet this Merlin Emrys.

  
    
________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
* * * Father and Daughter * * *  
  


  
"Father you wanted to see me?"

  
Morgana strolls in to Uther's office with her Chanel dress suit, 6 inch heals, perfectly flawless, back straight, and chin out. The perfect Pendragon just like his son Uther thinks that just left his office in a rage not an hour before.

  
  
"Yes, dear, I wanted to ask you a few questions" Uther asks gently. He knows how Morgana feels about Merlin already but what he needs to know about is Merlin towards Arthur.

  
  
"What questions?" Morgana asks cautiously

  
  
Morgana is inquiring but inside she is shaking like a leaf because she does not know if the questions are pertaining to her or if it is pertaining to her little brother that is a mess in her office after his argument with father.

  
  
"What do you think of Mr. Emrys?"

  
  
"You mean, Merlin?"

  
  
"Yes, Morgana, you know exactly who I mean, now answer the question" Uther states slightly irritated

  
  
"I think that Merlin is a remarkable person, he is intelligent, kind, and will do anything for anybody. He is one of my best friends." Morgana responds truthfully

  
  
"Aside from the speech that you just presented tell me about him" Uther states cutting to the chase.

  
  
He appreciates what Morgana is trying to do but he needs some sincerity and though he knows Merlin is probably all of those things Morgana knows exactly where he is getting at.

  
  
"Merlin loves Arthur if that is where you are getting at father. He treats him with respect and demands it in return. He does not let Arthur get away with what other people would. He is adorable, handsome, and perfect for Arthur no matter what you think." Morgana spits out

  
  
Now that's my girl. Uther thought.

  
"I didn't ask for what you think I thought I was asking about Merlin but thank you for answering my question honestly. How do you think Arthur feels about him?"

  
  
Uther knows his own opinion but needs to have confirmation.

  
  
"I think that Arthur would hang the son and the moon on Merlin. He loves him, I have never seen Arthur like this about anyone. He has never been this happy. Despite what happened last week." Morgana answers truthfully again with uncertainty not knowing where Uther is going with this.

  
  
"Yes, he told me about that."

  
  
"Why do you want to know?" Morgana inquires

  
  
Morgana couldn't help but ask. Uther may know about their lives but he has never tried to pluck information about she or Arthur from the other. Unless they spilled themselves during a Friday dinner.

  
  
"There's a time that we hold the hand of our children and their is a time when we let them go and make decisions for themselves. When you become a parent you will understand and you will also find it quite difficult. Let's just say for now that I have had a slight change of heart." Uther states hesitantly and then continues,

  
  
"I need for you to do something for me Morgana and I need to ask you not to tell Arthur. I know that you are close but I am asking you not to tell him yet. But what I need from you right now is Merlin Emrys telephone number" Uther states and Morgana complies praying with all hope that Uther does not do something to destroy Merlin and Arthur's relationship.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. 
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> Uther and Merlin finally meet, the 'Knights of the Round Table' are on another assignment, and more Merthur coming your way. Merlin also makes a major decision. Can you guess what it is?
> 
> As always, please review.


	12. Tearing down Barriers and Mending Fences - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Uther finally meet, the 'knights are on assignment again, and Arthur's taking no moment with Merlin for granted. He's playing for keeps.
> 
>  
> 
> Please note, there is a one month time jump between chapter 11 and chapter 12.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have taken the time to read, review, give kudos, and have subscribed to this story. It means so much.
> 
> Remember, reviews are like chocolate. Can't have enough of it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.

One Month Later

  
  
* * * Merlin's lunch with Uther * * *

  
  
Merlin is shaking like a leaf at Kilgharrah's restaurant waiting for Uther Pendragon to come. He arrived thirty minutes early from uni dressed in his best suit to ensure that he would not be late. Merlin even made sure to tone down his unruly hair. He still remembers the cryptic call and conversation from Uther two weeks ago asking him to lunch and requesting that he did not tell Arthur is this meeting.

  
  
Merlin feels guilty about this because he has never lied to Arthur. He considers it a lie as they have established that omission of the truth is still a lie when it comes down to their relationship. The whole Mithian issue brought that all about. Merlin also can't help think that though Arthur never brought up the subject of his other home it is also another topic that some how stands between them. The topic is better titled under _'trust'_ and Merlin knows this and keeping this one secret about lunch makes him feel even more guilty than he already had been.

  
  
Despite that though Merlin has never been happier. He and Arthur are communicating better, they spend a great deal of time together and Arthur had even finally met his mother, Will, and Freya.

 

_"I like him Merlin, he is definitely a keeper." Hunith says smiling knowingly to Merlin_

  
  
Will and Freya were harder to win over Arthur thought. Will kept giving Arthur the eye like he was just waiting to pounce on him for hurting Merlin even though they already moved past their issues. It took two season passes to two of Will's favorite sports teams to win him over. Freya was a slightly different story. Arthur told him when everyone was in the kitchen and he was getting their coats that Freya cornered him against the wall and stated clear as day,

  
  
 _"Hurt again and I will kill you myself"_

 

Arthur was waiting for her to laugh it off or crack a smile but he said she never did. With fire in her eyes and a grin from the devil she stood before him. Arthur said it sent chills down his spine. To this day Arthur still talks about that encounter and it happened three and a half weeks ago. Merlin has feeling Arthur will still bringing it up a year from now.

  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
* * * In the corner of the restaurant * * *

  
  
Lancelot, Percival, and Gawain waiting for Leon, all on orders of Morgana are waiting for Uther's arrival. They have a clear shot of Merlin and from where they are seated they will have a good shot of Uther too. Morgana, though she trusts her father, well to an _extinct_ anyway, did not feel comfortable with him meeting with Merlin on his own.

  
  
Morgana knew Uther's intentions and she and Gwen sneaked into Uther's office after hours to check his date book to get to time, date, and place of the meeting. She then dispensed the boys to keep an eye on things to ensure that nothing got out of hand. She promised Uther that she would not tell Arthur. A Pendragon keeps their word. But she did not promise anything else. This is her protecting her best friend, her soon to be brother-in-law if she has anything to say about it, and her little brother. Thus dispensing the 'Knights of the Round Table' again on another mission, Aithusa, to ensure all is right.

  
  
"Is everything in place?" Leon inquires sneaking in stealthily

  
  
"All's in place mate, the whiskey is good here too, and you should see the menu." Gwaine replies with a grin

  
  
"Gwaine, this is _official_ 'Knights' business, we are not supposed to be drinking and you know it." Leon chastises

  
  
"Speaking from a man that's _whipped_ " Gwaine replies cheekily using the hand gesture of a whip

  
  
"Speaking from a man that still _wants_ to get some, thank you very much." Leon replies with a chuckle

  
  
"Let's not talk about getting some yet mates. Mithian and I are still in the early stages there is not any some to be had yet." Percival replies with a grin

  
  
"At least you still have a chance and the rest of you are getting some. Gwen blames me for everything right now. I haven't gotten any in weeks. Oh sorry there, Elyan." Lancelot adds than turns to Elyan sheepishly

  
  
"No matter, Lancelot. Right now, my sister is angry at all men equally unless they are gay like Merlin and Arthur. She still loves them." Elyan replies with a smile

  
  
"Hey, how much longer does she has anyway before she pops? Gwaine asks

  
  
"The doctor says it can be anytime now as the babies are fully developed but give or take or month or so" Lancelot answers

  
  
"Babies..when did it become babies? Your having twins?" says Gwaine

  
  
"Sorry for you, mate" Percival says sympathetically

  
  
"I'm looking forward to it" Lancelot responds honestly

  
  
"Did you change your mind about finding out the sex of the babies yet? Leon inquires

  
  
"No, we want to be surprised. Right now we are content in knowing that the babies, boy or girl are healthy." Lancelot replies

  
"I am glad that I don't have to worry about any of that anytime soon." Percival states with a giggle

  
  
Everyone looks his way with knowing smiles

  
  
"What?" Percival asks cautiously

  
  
"You so know that it is only a matter of time right?" Leon asks

  
  
"What is?" Percival asks slowly

  
  
"The way you like at Mithian, the way she looks at you, and if the girls especially Morgana has anything to say about you are going to be following right in our footsteps." Leon says

  
  
"The girls do not even know Mithian that well yet.." Percival pauses mid-sentence when everyone is staring at him again. "What don't I know?"

  
  
"The girls know Mithian very well now" Gwaine states

  
  
"They have been hanging together for the past month." Lancelot adds

  
  
"Movies, shopping trips, lunch dates.." Elyan picks up

  
  
"Let's face man, your one of us now." Leon finishes

  
  
Percival puts his head on the table

  
  
"Technically, I am still single" Elyan responds cheerily

  
  
Everyone stares at Elyan and if his skin was not a darker tone you would know that he is blushing.

  
  
"Please, we saw the way you were checking out Vivian and making sure that you were seated by her the last few times at pub night." Gwaine states with a huge grin

  
  
"Its only a matter of time" Leon adds

  
  
"Just face up to it man, its a losing battle." Lancelot states with a shrug and no one can disagree with him

  
  
Deciding in silent agreement the closure of that emasculating discussion the boys resume their stakeout.

   
  
The guys remain in their corner trying to keep from being seen while watching Merlin and waiting for Uther to come.

  
  
"Do you think that anything bad will happen?" Percival puts to the table

  
  
"I don't, I think Morgana is being extra cautious. You know what Merlin means to Arthur and we all saw how he handled it when he thought he lost him."

  
  
"I missed the intervention with Arthur but Merlin was destroyed." Lancelot states remembering his encounter

  
  
"I personally think that unless Uther is trying to scare Merlin or bribe him, everything will be okay." Leon replies to the table

  
  
The guys place their orders with the lovely waitress, drink their whiskey's under suggestion of Gwaine, and wait in anticipation for Uther's arrival.

  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

   
Two minutes left to time and Merlin is feeling like he is about to have a panic attack. He knows he does not suffer from these but he is nervous. He feels his heart beginning to race, his palms are sweaty, and he feels a little moisture on his forehead, as takes another sip of his water,

  
  
"Mr. Emrys"

  
  
..and Merlin feels like his heart has stopped for a moment and then resumed

  
  
"Mr..Mr. Pendragon"

  
  
Merlin wonders if he should stand to greet the man or remain seated. Fortunately Uther takes a seat saving Merlin from the humiliation of making the wrong choice. Uther is sharp, Merlin thinks and Merlin sees where Arthur and Morgana get some of their personalities from. He breeds confidence in one breath and fear in another. Uther wearing a suite that probably costs more than what Merlin makes in a year. He looks like he is in his fifties but holds it really well. His eyes look calm but calculating and Merlin thinks that Uther just maybe able to see through the heart of him. Its not a good feeling.

  
  
"Mr. Emrys, I would like to thank you for joining me hear today. I know it was a surprise to probably hear from me but I wanted to see for myself who has _enamored_ my son" Uther states coldly but not harshly as expected

  
  
"Please, call me Merlin, and yes it was a surprise but it is a pleasure to meet you, sir. Though I must say that I found it odd that you wanted me to keep this Arthur?" Merlin finishes almost as a question but fishing

  
  
"I did not see the need in including Arthur in my decision to meet you."

  
  
"I can't keep this from him" Merlin responds honestly

  
  
"Nor would I expect you to after today."

  
  
Uther and Merlin pause as the waitress comes to take their order. They place their orders along with choices of wines. Merlin wonders if he should get something stronger than wine but thinks better of it.

  
  
"How old are you, Merlin?"

  
  
"I am twenty-four, sir"

  
  
"And, I understand that you are a psychology professor at Cambridge from Morgana?"

  
  
"That is correct, sir, I have also just been promoted recently to head up the psychology department as well." Merlin responds

  
  
Uther seems surprised and a little impressed by that.

  
  
"What are your intentions for my son?" Uther gets straight to the point and is staring directly in Merlin's eyes, he looks away though because the waitress is back bringing their lunch and then returning with their wines of choice. Once she finishes Merlin responds,

  
  
"I love your son, sir. As far as my _intentions_ are concerned, I will be there as long as Arthur will have me." Merlin responds truthfully and with direct eye contact with Uther giving a soft smile to that.

  
  
Uther catches Merlin's expression and files it to think about later.

  
  
"What about children?"

  
  
Merlin almost chokes on his wine but Uther is still staring at Merlin and waiting for an answer.

  
  
"Its not something Arthur and I have talked about, sir." Merlin responds truthfully

  
  
Merlin is so nervous he feels like a fly caught in a spider-web but he knows this meeting is important. He is trying to respond as truthfully as possible. He also sees why Arthur and Morgana are so intimidated by this man.

  
  
"Though I cannot say that I would be against the idea, sir. You see, I am an only child, and I do love children. Two of my best friends have younger siblings that I love to death and I am already planning on spoiling my godchildren as soon as Lancelot and Gwen have them. If Arthur wants that, wants me, than I would want it with him." Merlin answers with a tremble in his voice, eyes glistening, and another small smile.

  
  
Uther files those expressions for later to think about as well but is dissecting Merlin's words and reading hidden meanings. They begin to eat at this point in silence. Uther thinks to himself that he cannot help but be impressed with this..Merlin Emrys. He is intelligent, direct, and he really does not look like he would be a pushover for his son. He can see what Arthur sees in him. Merlin is a handsome man, but he also has some feminine qualities as well in lips, bone structure, eye lashes, and his eyes are a very tranquil shade of blue. Though Merlin is very much a man, he can see both of these qualities wrapped up in one. Merlin may not have been the one Uther originally intended for his son, but maybe Merlin can be the one to make his son most happy. Arthur deserves that more than anything. Uther continues to eat in silence while further contemplating.

  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
* * * In the corner of the restaurant * * *

  
  
"Well?" Gwaine is looking at Lancelot.

  
  
They are seated in the corner where they have a good view but Lancelot is the closest in hearing range.

  
  
"The conversation has been nothing but polite. Uther, I actually think has been on his best behavior." Lancelot responds with surprise

  
  
"He is not..all that bad" Leon responds slowly

  
  
They all turn to Leon and Leon looks the other way. They know that Uther can be that bad indeed.

  
  
"Well, right now everything seems to be going okay. They are just eating right now in comfortable silence." Lancelot responds

  
  
"I've never seen Merlin's back so straight" Elyan responds

  
  
"Can you blame him? He must be nervous" Percival responds

  
  
"I know how he feels. Uther did similar to me but at a Friday night dinner when Morgana and I first started dating." Leon responds with a shiver at a vivid memory.

  
  
"You survived." Lancelot responds

  
  
"I _managed_ , I loved Morgana. I knew she was the one. Which is why I know that Merlin will manage because he loves Arthur." Leon responds with sincerity and confidence

  
  
The boys get quiet again as the conversation presumes at the other table

  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
"You mentioned that you were an only child. Tell me about your parents, what do they do?" Uther asks

  
  
"Well, I've never met my father, sir. It always just been me and my mum. She's a doctor at Hengist Hospital, sir. She is considering taking on the role of heading up the hospital but hasn't made her final decision yet." Merlin responds softly

  
  
"Sounds very admirable, and it seems like she's raised you well." Uther responds with a small smile of his own

  
  
"Thank you, sir. She did."

  
  
"I am glad to have taken the time to have met you today. I know you have probably heard the worse about me but my only desire is to see my children safe, happy, and provided for. It may seem that I am demanding but demanding is what has made my children the extraordinary children that they are today." Uther states truthfully and proudly

  
  
"I am close with both of them, sir, as you know."

  
  
"I do"

  
The remainder of the discussion is on an easier note discussing current events, the taste of the food, and the wine choices made. Despite Merlin's original fear of the meeting he thinks it may have possibly been a success. He thanks Uther for the lunch invitation again and excuses himself to go back to work.

  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
* * * In the corner of the restaurant * * *

  
  
"He's survived" Lancelot states with a huge grin turning back to their table

  
  
"I knew he would" Leon replied

  
  
"Gentlemen"

  
  
Everyone stills, jaws dropped, turning slowly for a moment and then looks up to see Uther Pendragon bearing down at them.  
  
"Leon, Mr. DaLuc, Mr. Orkney, Mr. Kingston, and Mr. Smith. I can only assume that Morgana would have sent you here."

  
  
"No..sir, we were just here for lunch" Leon responds slowly skin shade now ashen

  
  
"I find that really hard to believe and then your drinking on this stakeout as well. Some knights you are." Uther responds with light criticism

  
  
"Knights, sir?" Leon and Lancelot both say in unison

  
  
"Do you really think that I did not know about that, those are my children. There is little that Arthur and Morgana do that gets passed me. Yes, I know."  
  
They men seem shocked but more embarrassed by being caught.

  
  
"You see, if Arthur is King, and Morgana is Queen when he is not present, that would make me the original King. Meaning the game started with me first. Next time, do a better job at being stealthy. Good day gentlemen, I'll see you back at the office, Leon." Uther concludes

  
  
"Yes, sir" Leon responds but Uther has turned away by then. The boys could have sworn they heard the word ' _amateurs_.'

  
  
"Are you going to tell Morgana about this?" Elyan inquires

  
  
"About the lunch yes, about Uther busting us, _hell no_. I _want_ to sleep in my bed tonight and I advise all of you to keep it a secret too because I know my wife. _All of you_ will be sleeping on your coaches or guest bedrooms too if she finds out. And for you too (pointing to Percival and Elyan) I am sure that she would _no doubt_ find suitable punishments for you that would equal our pain" Leon responds and there is pure fear in his eyes.

  
  
The knights make a silent agreement to keep the conclusion of their stakeout a secret parting ways until they meet up again at pub night. Its not that these men are wimps, they are not by _any means_ and their women know this, its that they no when to pick a fight, when to not, and when they do not wish to have a fight at all. _This is one of those times._

  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
* * * Arthur and Merlin * * *

  
  
Arthur spoke to Merlin during the day and told Merlin to call him an hour before he was expected to be home. Merlin had to work later finishing up grading papers and meetings that were delayed due to his _extended_ lunch. To say that Merlin was surprised when he walked in the door was an understatement.

  
  
Merlin walks in to the lights being turned down low, candle lights throughout from the door to the dining area, and clearly leading to their bedroom. There is soft music playing, wine chilling on the dining room table, and dinner served with Arthur standing waiting with a shy smile. Yes, to say Merlin is just _surprised_ , yep, definitely an _understatement_. Merlin is in _awe_ , his breath caught in his throat with emotion, and his eyes are wandering at everything and returning to Arthur.

  
  
He slowly walks into the dining area, swallowing several times before asking,

  
  
"Why?" Merlin stutters out

  
  
"Why me? You can have anyone that you want, why me?" Merlin whispers but he is really asking and he is tearing up

  
  
Arthur comes closer, pulls Merlin in his arms, gently kisses Merlin's cheek, and responds simply by whispering in Merlin's ear,

  
  
"Because I love you."

  
  
Merlin shivers at that

  
  
"I love you too"

  
  
"I know" Arthur whispers sincerely

  
  
"So you made of all this?" Merlin pulls away, looking at the spread and eying Arthur with a side grin

  
  
"Of course" Arthur responds with a smile trying to avoid eye contact but Merlin gaze is so steady that Arthur cannot look away.

  
  
"Well, I may have had some help"

  
  
Merlin continues his silent interrogation and Arthur breaks

  
  
"Alright, _alright_ , Morgana, Gwen, Elena, and Mithian all helped. When Gwen and Morgana found out about my plans they said I would mess it all up. The next thing I knew they were all here. But it was my idea for the dinner, the the candles, the wine, and the surprises for later." Arthur states with a grin that Merlin can't help to smile brightly for.

  
  
"Surprises, what surprises?"  
  
"You will just have to wait until later to find out"

  
  
Arthur states in a way that is truly sexy and in the way that makes Merlin want to find out now but nods instead. He looks at the table to see salad, lasagna, croissant rolls, apple pie, and wine chilled. It sweet, and it makes Merlin's heart swell. Arthur leads Merlin to the closest seat to him. As they were sipping their wine Merlin thinks now is the time to tell Arthur about his lunch break,

  
  
"I had lunch with your father today" Merlin states

  
  
Arthur nearly chokes on his wine.

  
  
"You _did_..what?" Arthur breathed out slowly

  
  
"Your father called me a few days ago and asked me to meet with him for lunch. We decided on today" Merlin responds equally slowly looking at Arthur waiting for a reaction. The one he gets is not expected.

  
  
"Are you alright? Did he do anything, say anything.." Arthur drags out clearly looking at Merlin for any sign of negative emotions and giving him a once over all of a sudden possibly for signs of bruises or pain.

 

"Arthur, its fine, he was fine, I am alright." Merlin assures Arthur

  
Seeing that Arthur is not going to have a heart attack Merlin continues.

  
"I am positive, and if I wasn't the knights were hiding away in the corner like they were on some stakeout and I am sure they would have intervened if I weren't. Though, don't say anything about that. I don't want them to think they did not know what they were doing, oh, and I don't want them to get into trouble with the girls" Merlin states

  
  
Arthur chuckles at that.

  
  
"I guess that means Morgana knew about, but I won't mention it. So, why didn't you tell me you were going to have lunch with him?"

  
  
"He asked me not to, I am sorry about that. I told him today though that I could not keep it from you." Merlin states with a small smile responding honestly

  
  
"And what did you talk about?"

  
  
"You, my intentions for you to be precise"

  
  
"Intentions, and just what are your _intentions_ for me Merlin Emrys?" Arthur asks with a big smile but his eyes were showing several different emotions hinging a little on fear.

  
  
"I told him my intentions for you was to have you as long as you would have me." Merlin responds maintaining that eye contact with a sincere smile of his own showing off those dimples that Arthur loves so much.

  
  
Arthur closes his eyes for a moment taking a deep breath before responding,

  
  
"Well if that is your intention I am telling you now that I don't ever plan on letting you go."

  
  
"I thought you might say that" Merlin leans over to Arthur as Arthur leans over to him and lightly kisses him on the lips sliding ever so slightly and smiles at him eyes twinkling. Arthur's heart skips a beat.

  
  
They continue on eating moving on to dessert having a slice of apple pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. Merlin lets Arthur feed him his dessert. Arthur gives Merlin a kiss after each bite. Once their done Arthur excuses himself and asks Merlin for five minutes. When he pulls Merlin its for the second surprise of the evening. Merlin in shock but awed again turns to Arthur looking at him with all of the love in the world and Arthur wonders why he has never done this sooner.

  
  
Arthur has led Merlin into their bathroom where the bathtub is prepared. There are rose pedals surrounding the bathtub along with candles. The bathwater is also filled with scented rose pedals. The lights are dimmed. Its beautiful. Slowly Arthur begins to take Merlin's clothes off kissing Merlin as he sheds each layer of cloth first kissing his lips and then kissing the revealed skin. He then sheds his own clothes off and climbs in the bath first and then allows Merlin to slide in between his legs resting his back against Arthur's chest.

  
  
Arthur has bath oil that you use to massage while in the bath in his hands and he is coating his hands now to use it on Merlin.

  
  
"I love your skin" Arthur whispers in Merlin's ear huskily. Merlin leans into Arthur more with that

  
  
"It so soft, so creamy, I just want to kiss it, mark it, lick it, and touch it all of the time." Arthur slides him tongue on the soft spot behind Merlin's ear and Merlin feeling those chills down his spine again. Arthur can turn Merlin's world inside and out just by words like that and Merlin is turned on and giddy by it all at once and without a clue of what to do.

  
  
Arthur strong, calloused hands is starting the massage on Merlin's neck first kissing as he goes tenderly before moving to his shoulders massaging just right. Merlin can feel all tension leaving his body.

  
  
Arthur adds more oil on his hands before moving on massaging Merlin's collar bones and then his chest, while still giving kissing down Merlin's neck and shoulder.

  
  
"I can't get enough of you." Arthur whispers again

  
  
Merlin moans through the ministrations, arching into Arthur's touch, and is melting by the words, as Arthur is playing his body like Elton John can play his piano. Merlin can _never_ get enough of Arthur's hands. It should be a sin to have hands like that that can do _things_ like this to Merlin.

  
  
Arthur is sliding his hands over Merlin's nipples now massaging up and then down to his waist. As he grabs Merlin's waist he pulls Merlin flush into his erection grinding Merlin into him. As he slides up he is twisting Merlin's nipples with his hands all the while continuing his onslaught of kisses trailing from Merlin's neck, shoulders, and upper back. Merlin is beside himself. Its almost too much but yet its not near enough.

  
  
He turns closer setting sideways in Arthur's lap now for a kiss. The kiss is passionate, intense, and Merlin is telling Arthur all of the words that he will ever want to hear from Merlin in it. Merlin tongue is dominating and Arthur is allowing it as Merlin is kissing him right now with all of the love in the world. Merlin moves from Arthur's mouth to his jaw to below then kissing his Adam's apple and from there moving on to Arthur's neck. Arthur is moaning Merlin's name sliding his hands down pulling Merlin's waist to him more while one hand is moving to Merlin's cock.

  
  
Merlin kisses his way back up from Arthur's neck, jaw, and lips and at that moment Arthur grips on to Merlin's cock causing Merlin to gasp and moan in this kiss. Arthur and relentless on Merlin's cock twisting and pulling so right Merlin is now wrapped in Arthur's arms and thrusting into his hand. Merlin is unable to stay still and is saying things that Arthur cannot completely understand but is sure it can only mean more. A few seconds later and Merlin comes sagging into Arthur's chest. Arthur embraces Merlin tightly, tilts Merlin's head to give him and endearing kiss, and then makes his move to leave the bath telling Merlin to give him another five minutes before giving him his last surprise for the evening. He did not wait for his only release, that moment was purely for Merlin. Merlin wonders what other surprises Arthur could possibly have.

  
  
    
Merlin takes his time getting out of the bath tub, cleaning up, drying off, and putting on his bath robe. He drying his hair with a towel and walks in the bedroom and is surprised again with dimmed lights, Arthur's favorite (Natalie Cole's songs) playing in the background, candles surrounding the room (seriously, where did Arthur get all of these candles from?). On the bedside table he sees champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. Merlin thinks its the perfect aphrodisiac. He swallows and then turns to Arthur who is also in his bath robe.

  
  
"Can I have this dance?" Arthur asks with a hand extended for Merlin to take which Merlin takes without hesitation. They are looking at each enraptured in each other afraid of looking away for fear that they may miss something in this moment. They dance like this through two of Natalie Cole's songs, 'Our Love' and 'I've got Love on my Mind" before Arthur breaks the silence while still maintaining eye contact,

  
  
"Did I ever tell you why I liked these three songs?" Arthur looks at Merlin with all intensity and he knows the answer because he has never told why Merlin he listens to those three songs so much. Merlin shakes his head as a no anyways and Arthur continues,

  
  
"When I was a young man..." Arthur begins and is cut off by Merlin

  
  
"Arthur, your still a young man.." Merlin attempts to tell Arthur but is cut off by him

  
  
"Shut up, _Mer_ lin, I was getting somewhere with this" Arthur states playfully

  
  
 _"Prat_ "

  
 _"Idiot_ "

  
  
They both laugh but are still not breaking eye contact

  
  
 _"Annnyway,"_ (Arthur states sarcastically before continuing) "When I was younger. I was never much for thinking that I would find love. My focus was always work and I never thought I would ever find the right person. _Never_ thought I would recognize it when it would come. I got to a stage in my life where I thought that it would never happen because I was closed off from it" (Arthur pauses, still looking at Merlin (who is taking a deep breath) with a fire in his eyes, swallows, and then continues) "I always listened to soul music, R  & B, jazz, music like that be it new or old. That's when I started listening to Natalie Cole.

  
  
When I listened to her it always felt like she was singing from her heart and singing from experience. I listened to the words and the words had _meaning_." (Arthur pauses again tightening his jaw for a moment. Merlin kisses him tenderly on his lips and gestures from him to continue) "There were three songs of hers that had the most meaning to me though you know because I play those three songs all of the time. I said to myself that if I _ever_ found the one that fit those three songs I knew that person would be the one for me. It was what you could call it my way to recognize love when I saw it as I have been blinded by it for so long."

  
"When I met you at Morgana's wedding you were everything that I was looking for, I knew you were the one from the first dance, I fell in love with you slowly in my mind but my heart fell for you quickly. These songs also showed me in confirmation with my mind and my heart that under no certain terms am I ever to let you go."

  
  
Arthur's chest was heaving while Merlin looked like he stopped breathing. Arthur had to nudge him a little to make Merlin breathe out the breath he was unknowingly holding in. Merlin wakes up it seems and started kissing Arthur whispering in between the kisses,

  
  
"I love you, so much"

  
  
"Why don't you show me how much"

  
  
So Merlin did. He showed Arthur nice and slow all night long just how much he loved him and Arthur never felt so loved.  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
Merlin managed to come home early from work the next day. He was just too happy at the moment but he also needed to think. Arthur opened up so much to him over the past month or so. He trusts him where Merlin was still holding on to things in his past that he can't take back neither does he have any control of.

  
  
Merlin loves Arthur. Of this he knows for certain and Arthur is the one for him. Merlin did not think about having kids until his discussion with Uther but he could definitely see he and Arthur married with kids of the own in the future. It does not matter if they are adopted, those children would be their own.

  
  
He thought about the conversations he has had with Arthur of late and in the past and how patient Arthur has always been with him. How open, always allowing Merlin to make the choice for himself, the right choice. He trusts him. Now its time for Merlin to put his trust in Arthur. It is in a moment of clarity that Merlin makes a decision. He calls his realtor and advises that he would like to put the ball in motion to sell his house. Merlin never thought he'd see the day where someone could actually tear down his barriers and mend his fences so intricately. But Arthur has and now it is time for Merlin to put his trust in him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was a lot longer than normal for me but I could not see splitting it this time, though I thought about it.
> 
> Did you like the lunch, the knights, the romance. Reviews please.
> 
> Coming up in the next chapter:
> 
> Gwen and Lancelot have their babies, Arthur and Uther discuss certain matters further, and Arthur has yet another surprise for Merlin.


	13. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Father and son have a heart to heart, Gwen and Lancelot finally have their twins, and Merlin and Arthur have a discussion about future goals.
> 
>  
> 
> Please note, there is another one month time jump between chapters 12 and 13. We had to speed up time to deliver the babies and move forward Merlin and Arthur's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have taken the time to read, review, give kudos, and have subscribed to this story. It means so much.
> 
> Remember, reviews are like chocolate. Can't have enough of it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.

   


  


One Month Later

 

Pendragon Associates

 

* * * Morgana and Arthur * * *

 

After finishing up their meeting Morgana goes into the discussion that she really wanted to talk with her little brother about. They talked about everything else and surprisingly with the preparations of Gwen and Lancelot's babies and her own marriage this goes over her radar. She doesn't like it.

 

"I never really asked. How did it go that night with the dinner and the surprises for Merlin?" Morgana asked

 

"It was.. _perfect._ " Arthur replied cheeks turning a shade of pink thinking about just how well last night went and just how much Merlin showed Arthur he loved him.

 

"I _see_ " (Morgana replied after catching Arthur's expression) "You told Merlin about Natalie Cole didn't you?" Morgana asked with a big grin and now Arthur was beet red.

 

"How did you know?" Arthur asked astonished

 

"You've been walking on cloud nine the past month and you seem like you are about to burst with happiness. This is what you have always done with Merlin by the way but this time you really have this dreamy look like there is no doubts that Merlin is _the one_. Also, I don't think you would have kept that information from him." Morgana says with a grin and Arthur blushes

 

"I am happy but how did you know about Natalie Cole?"

 

"I read your diary when we were home from uni that year." Morgana responded and not the least bit guilty

 

"I don't keep a diary"

 

"Journal, diary, whatever. It was there. You told him didn't you?"

 

"Yes, I did. Though it not any of your business."

 

"Arthur, I am your big sister, everything is my business."

 

" _Fifteen_ minutes, Morgs, _fifteen_ minutes. Between you and father you act like you own me." Arthur stated exasperated

 

Morgana paused from that. She loves her brother and she knows that everything she has done is a result of just how much she loves him and is pig headed as their father is she is beginning to see that he does the same thing.

 

"No, we don't _own_ you Arthur, we _love_ you. We just want you to be happy." Morgana says with all honesty

 

"Maybe you, but father, he is a different story." Arthur states while moving over to his office window looking at the distance.

 

"I don't know, Arthur. I am beginning to think that he will come around. Slowly but surely."

 

"Hopefully before kingdom come"

 

_"Arthur"_

 

_"Morgana"_

 

They realize after their glaring match that they are at an impasse before Morgana changes the subject.

 

"So, did you propose yet?

 

"No, it was not the right time"

 

"How could it _not_ be the right time? The dinner, the bath, the bedroom. Everything was planned out perfectly. It was the best night to propose and don't think I don't know that you have a ring."

 

Arthur did give Morgana a look and this time she did have the good sense to look guilty but he did not even bother to comment on it this time.

 

"The evening was perfect but the _timing_ was not right."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Merlin still has his house you know." It was not a question it was statement.

 

"What does the house have to do with it?"

 

"The house has plenty to do with it, Morgana. It means that Merlin still has doubts about us and he is holding on to that house as an insurance policy just in case he has to go back there." Arthur states running his hands through his hair

 

"Did Merlin tell you this?"

 

"He didn't have to. He told me enough to draw the correct conclusion."

 

Morgana crosses over to the window and rests a hand on Arthur shoulders giving it a squeeze.

 

"You know that he loves you." Morgana states softly

 

"Of that, I have no doubt. These are just things that Merlin and I have to deal with." Arthur answers with a sigh

 

"No, it sounds like things that _Merlin_ has to deal with." Morgana responds with a knowing expression.

 

Morgana knows her brother and she knows Merlin like the back of her hand, of this she is sure. If there is anyone now that has to work on the next move it is Merlin. Arthur doesn't respond.

 

"He _will_ make the right choice" Is all Morgana says softly

 

"I know he will" Arthur responds equally softly pulling his sister into a hug.

 

"So, if he did sell the house would you have proposed that night?"

 

_"Without hesitation"_ Arthur responded without thought and adamantly

________________________________________________________________________________________________

A few hours later at Pendragon Associates

 

* * * Arthur and Uther * * *

 

"Father, you wanted to see me?"

 

"Yes, Arthur. Come in, have a seat."

 

Uther looks calm but like there are a lot of things on his mind but continues,

 

"I am pretty sure that you have an idea of why I wanted to see you. I have given you some time from our last discussion.."

 

Arthur sighs closes his eyes after cutting Uther off but continues,

 

"I am not changing my mind father.."

 

"I know"

 

Arthur looks astonished by that.

 

"You know"

 

"Yes, I know. I saw the look in your eyes and I saw a look of determination and resignation if you were not able to achieve what you wanted from our discussion. I met with Mr. Emrys as well."

 

"Yes, Merlin told me."

 

"He seems to be an intelligent young man."

 

"He is."

 

"What are your intentions for him Arthur?"

 

"My _intentions_?" Arthur does not quite know where this conversation is going but he plans to be honest.

 

"Your _intentions_. You were quite determined to not lose him. You threatened to tear yourself away from your family and resign from your position as CEO. I think it is a pretty clear question to know what my son's _intentions_ are to me if he is willing to take such drastic measures do you not.?" Uther is clear, direct, and looking Arthur in his eyes as if he is trying to find answers into Arthur's heart.

 

"I want to marry him." Arthur whispers

 

"Have you discussed this with him?"

 

"We haven't discussed the topic of marriage yet but I know how Merlin feels about me." Arthur states confidently

 

"What about a family?"

 

"What about _a family_?

 

Uther takes a deep breath because he loves his son and is only looking out for him. He clearly does not intend on pushing him away but he needs Arthur to think about these things too.

 

" _Children_ , Arthur. Do you _want_ to have children, _does Merlin_? If so, do you want to adopt? Have a surrogate? Have you _discussed_ these things?" Uther knows this answer from Merlin but he wants to hear it from Arthur.

 

"No, Merlin and I have not discussed these things yet."

 

"Don't you think you should?"

 

"Why are you asking me these things." (Arthur states exasperated pressing the bridge of his nose) "You didn't want me to have anything to do with Merlin and now your asking me about _marriage and children_ , what's changed?"

 

"What's changed is that my son is willing to throw everything he has for someone for the first time in his life and I want to know that he is _prepared_ for the choice." Uther raises his voice but he is being truthful.

 

Uther pauses and walks from behind his desk and leans in front of the desk where Arthur is seated before continuing,

 

"Arthur, I know that you think that I have been hard on you (Arthur rolls his eyes and almost says something but thinks better of it. Uther allows it but continues) and I know that you think that I have been attempting to control your life but I can honestly tell you that I did it out of love." (Uther pauses taking a deep breath but continues) 

 

 

"When I lost your mother I made a promise to her that I would protect you and Morgana, be there for you, with _everything_ that I had. I know I may not have been a completely present father but I _have_ been there for you both. I taught you, I made sure that you had, and I have given you everything that I had to make you both what you are today and I think I did a dam good job..." Arthur cuts Uther off on this by saying,

 

"Except for me being gay."

 

"I can admit that hurt Arthur. I have had to reconcile some things with myself too but after that stunt you pulled the last time and meeting with Mr. Emrys I can see that you too obviously do love each other. Sure I would have _preferred_ you being with Mithian, or a woman for that matter, but if you had to be with a man I would accept it to be with someone like him." Uther concludes with a whisper leaving Arthur stunned with a _'who are you and what have you done with my father'_ expression.

 

"What..what changed your mind?" Arthur asks in surprise

 

"As you know, we are in the business to read the expressions and meanings behind what people are trying to tell us most of the time and honestly, its was the way you both have this far away look in your eyes when you speak of the other. You remind me of how I looked at your mother and Merlin reminds me of how Ygraine looked at me. I can even show you some of those pictures sometimes. I have kept them hidden away, something I have cherished all of these years."

 

"I would like that" Arthur breathes out

 

"I asked both of you about your intentions because in order for a relationship to survive there must be a strong foundation. Love of course is the base, but a mutual understanding of ones wants and desires are equally important. If you think otherwise then you would be a fool to think so. Its the same questions that I asked Leon and Morgana. Nothing different. But I have seen marriages and relationships fall apart for far less. It is important to have these discussions done openly and honestly." Uther smiles briefly before continuing,

 

"I never completely tried to _control_ you Arthur. I tried to _steer_ you in the right direction. I never wanted you to close yourself off to the world or to love. You always had a light inside of you that reminded me of your mother. I never realized it was off until it lit again and I see now that I think about it that it came back on around the time you started seeing Merlin. I don't want to miss out on that part or any part of your life and I don't intend to. (Uther pauses taking a deep breath) I love you son." Uther finally says and draws Arthur in a tight hug. Arthur tenses first but relaxes in his father's embrace.

 

"I love you too, father"

 

They hug about five seconds longer before they pull back and straighten up. Pendragon's do not like to show weakness. Especially Uther and Arthur and Morgana have learned from him. Arthur leaves the office with a weight that he did not know he was feeling lifted off of him and feeling closer to his father than he has remembered in a long time.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

A few hours later

   
* * * The Babies are Coming * * *

 

In the birthing room

 

_"Awwwwwwwww  Fuuuuuuuuck"_ Gwen is yelling at the top of her lungs and Lancelot's hand that Gwen is squeezing is white and Morgana's arm that Gwen is holding is bruised.

 

**In the waiting room**

 

"How _long_ has she been screaming like that" Leon states as he hears Gwen, he's just coming into the hospital from work.

 

"Oh, I would say (Arthur is responding checking his watch) the past two hours. First there was the pain from all the _contractions_. You know that they wanted to do this natural you know, and now they are finally coming to the part of delivery and every few minutes or so where hear some sort of obscenity or means of profanity." Arthur finishes running a hand through his hair. Merlin is seated right beside him with his head in Arthur's lap. Arthur's other hand is running through Merlin's soft hair. Arthur is loving the feeling of his hands running through Merlin's hair.

 

They hear more screaming,

 

**In the birthing room**

 

"Gwen, honey. You need to calm down, it is almost time to push again..." Morgana states calmly though her arm is in pain before Gwen cuts her off yelling.

 

_"Morgana, you need to shut the fuck up. You don't know how this feels. Like someone trying to rip your pussy apart."_  


 

 

  
**In the waiting room**

 

In the waiting room the women tense. Elena, Mithian, and Vivian tense before Mithian states,

 

"Yep, that takes the baby desire from me for another 3 years or so." Percival relaxes as a reflex and Elena and Vivian agree with Mithian and worry about Gwen.

 

"It can't be that bad." Gwaine states before every one looks at him

 

"You have no clue how bad it can be Gwaine, for one, men _cannot_ take the amount of pain a woman can,," Elena states with a glare and that just starts another roll of discussions between every one in the waiting room.

 

**Back in the birthing room**

 

"Gwen, remember the breathing exercises..." Lancelot states before he is cut off and Gwen yells at him

 

_"This, this is all your fault Lancelot. Wanting to have babies. You do this to me again and I am going to chop your dick off and shove it down your throat."_ Gwen finishes and continues breathing

 

Lancelot pales and as Gwen squeezes Morgana's arm for the next push, Morgana falls to her knees in pain. She screams, and finally manages to pull herself away a little from Gwen's death grip.

 

**In the waiting room**

 

The men that are seated cross their legs and the men standing shiver slightly at Gwen's words.

 

"I don't get it. Gwen has always been so sweet." Percival states

 

"Deliveries can bring the worse out of you." A nurse with the name tag Nimueh says as she walks by to tend to another patient.

 

"Well I tell you, if Gwen takes those things away from Lancelot she will regret it too and not just him." Gwaine responds with a cheeky grin

 

Everyone agrees there

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Back to the Birthing room * * *

 

"Your doing fine Gwen, we got the first one out. The nurse is dealing with your son now. One more to go. I just need you to relax and start pushing again when I tell you to, okay?" Dr. Geraint states assuredly

 

"Yes, thank you doctor." Gwen states feeling a lot better and not realizing the torture she has put Lancelot and Morgana through. Not to mention the trauma of her friends in the waiting room that they had to hear it too. Being as sweet as pie again she reaches out for Lancelot, who is unsurprisingly a little scared wondering if the scary Gwen is going to resurface again.

 

"Lancelot"

 

"Yes, dear"

 

"We have a little boy"

 

"Yes, we do honey"

 

"I love you"

 

"I love you too" Lancelot replies giving Gwen a kiss on the forehead

 

Gwen and Lancelot's eyes catch then and Morgana feels the love in the room. All of them have glossy eyes when it is time to push again. This time Gwen is a little more determined and a lot more nicer.

 

Gwen turns to Morgana then and notices her bruising on her arm.

 

"Morgana, I can't believe I did that to you. I'm _so_ sorry." Gwen says tearfully holding Morgana's arm and touching the bruising

 

"Gwen, its alright. You know I'm tougher than that." Morgana states with all of the sincerity that she knew she didn't have at the moment. Those bruises hurt and judging by the look Gwen gives Morgana she knows it too. Fortunately the doctor interrupts before Gwen goes further.

 

"Gwen, Lance, Morgana, alright, Gwen its time for you to start pushing again. You did wonderful the last time and this is it. Just remember to push when I tell to and hold off until I tell you to push again. This is vital in case we have to do some repositioning okay?" Dr. Geraint states and confirms Gwen understands the process.

 

"Yes, doctor, I am ready. Let's get the last one out of me."

 

"Alright coaches (looking towards Lance and Morgana) let's do this."

 

"Alright, Gwen you did good, now remember the breathing and give a good push. Remember the bigger the push the quicker the baby comes out." Morgana states holding Gwen other hand with a big smile

 

"That's right love, you can do it." Lancelot says

 

Gwen screams to the top of her lungs but gives one strong push squeezing Lancelot and Morgana's hands. The pain is definitely visible on their faces.

 

"Maybe Merlin should come for this the next time." Morgana murmurs to herself

 

"What's was that, Morgana? Gwen asked trying to catch what she said

 

"I said, Merlin must be so excited. We are going to be godparents." Morgana stated with the biggest smile she could muster.

 

"You guys will be the perfect godparents" Lancelot says in all honesty

 

"Okay guys, sorry to interrupt. That was an excellent push Gwen. We got to a little to the shoulders. The baby is in perfect condition so far. So on my go I want you to give me one last big push, okay?"

 

"Yes, doctor" Gwen replies clearly exhausted

 

"Alright, Gwen, one more big push" Dr. Geraint says

 

There was ten minutes between the births of Gwen and Lancelot son and daughter. Twenty minutes later from that after the babies are given a clean bill of health the gang is allowed to enter into Gwen's new room.

 

"Awh, they are so _adorable_ " Elena states

 

"My _godchildren_ " Merlin coos

 

"Our _godchildren_ " Morgana adds holding Merlin's hands

 

"Do we have the names?" Elyan inquires after seeing his niece and nephew.

 

"We do, we named them after their godparents." Lancelot stated with a smile at Gwen

 

" _Merlin_ and _Morgana_ " Gwaine asks

 

"Well not Merlin and Morgana _exactly_ , may we present you all to, Myrdden Galahad and Morgause Sophia Du Lac. Get it, Myrdden is another name for Merlin and Morgause, Morg, for Morgana." Gwen concludes pretty pleased with the names.

 

"I'm for one ready to spoil them rotten." Merlin states with a big smile and Arthur's heart skips a beat. He knows that children is a discussion that he needs to have with Merlin but he feels better going into this discussion seeing how overjoyed Merlin is about being a godfather.

 

"There the first two babies to the group. I think _we are all_ going to spoil them rotten" Leon adds

 

Everyone gave their hugs and kisses to their friends and final rounds to the twins before clearing out to give the new mommy and daddy some alone time. Leon holding Morgana closely ready to take her harm and take care of her bruises.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

One Week Later

 

* * * Merlin and Arthur in the park * * *

 

Going to the park in the evening reminds Merlin of when he and Arthur first started dating. When they went to this same park around Arthur's, well now _their_ home. The stars are shining bright and the moon is full tonight. The pond that Merlin is sitting in front of is beautiful. He has a good view of everything by the big oak tree that he is leaning against while waiting for Arthur to come.

 

He can't help think about where his life was almost a year ago and where it is now. How _happy_ he is. Merlin never thought that he could be this happy. So much has happened in his life that some people _cannot_ come back from. He his family and friends have had a big part in bringing him back. He knows that Arthur has too. He knows that there is nothing that he will ever be able to repay them all for what they have done. But will try his best in any way that he can to do so. 

 

Someone comes up to Merlin from behind the tree and covers Merlin's eyes

 

"Guess who?" Arthur whispers

 

"Gwaine?"

 

"Hah hah, Very funny" Arthur laughs and pushes Merlin's shoulder slightly before pushing Merlin up further to sit behind him having Merlin's back to his chest like they did the first time they came to this park together.

 

"So, (Arthur nudges) what made you want me to meet you here straight from work when we have a perfectly good flat oh in this direction?" Arthur states with a grin pointing towards the direction of their home.

 

"I have a surprise for you." Merlin states turning in Arthur's arms with that big smile with dimples that Arthur loves so much.

 

"I love surprises"

 

"I know" Merlin states softly before giving Arthur an envelope

 

"What's this?" Arthur asks hesitantly

 

"Nothing bad, but I want you to see it."

 

Arthur opens the envelope and read other the paperwork briefly but it is enough to understand what it is.

 

"You sold your house?" Arthur states eyes lit in shock and something else Merlin could not put his finger on yet

 

"Yes"

 

"When?"

 

"Well I did some thinking about what we talked about and also about my past, where we are in the present, and where I want to be in the future." (Merlin pauses and looks at Arthur through his lashes and Arthur can't help but kiss Merlin tenderly on the lips but let's him continue) "I realized that maybe I was not actually letting go of the past as much as I may have liked to. I also realized that I was not welcoming my present and future the way that I should have either. About five weeks ago I called my realtor and told her that I wanted to put my house up for sale. Fortunately for me she knew a newly married couple that loved the area and fell in love with my home immediately. They had the right resources and credit, the paperwork was finalized, and the house is sold so... I hope you _really_ want me because you are going to have to _keep_ me now." Merlin finished looking in Arthur's eyes with all seriousness and a tinge of fear

 

"I have no plans of ever letting you go, Merlin." Arthur replies with the same level of seriousness in his eyes

 

"Good" Merlin breathes out before kissing Arthur in an exploratory kiss. Arthur breaks away mid kiss for a second to ask,

 

"Merlin, what do you think about having children?"

 

"You want to know this, _now_ Arthur?" Merlin whines

 

"Humor me" Arthur responds with a grin before leaning in and giving a chaste kiss to Merlin on the lips

 

"I love kids. I never really thought about it until my meeting with your father but to be honest its been on my mind a lot lately. It is something that I would want and something that I never thought I could have until now." Merlin replies honestly looking Arthur in the eyes before turning around and leaning back into Arthur's chest and continuing,

 

" _Why_ do you ask?"

 

"Its something father and I talked about and he thought that that it was something that we should have a clear understanding of as we continue in our relationship." Arthur replies hesitantly

 

" _Oh_ " Merlin replies softly

 

"He _had_ good intentions" Arthur states a little defensively

 

"I _know that_ Arthur. I am assuming that everything is alright with you both now?" Merlin asks leaning more into Arthur's chest and Arthur presses a kiss to the top of Merlin's head

 

"I think we have a way to go but we made a lot of progress. I think I understand him a little better and understand some of his reasons behind the things that he did. Even though I may not ever agree with all of it."

 

"As long as you get past it" Merlin replies twining his fingers between Arthur's as Arthur is wrapping his arms around Merlin's waist.

 

"I think he _likes_ you too." Arthur whispering in Merlin's ear and nibbling on Merlin's earlobe. Merlin rubs back a little more in Arthur's chest before replying

 

  
"Really?"

 

"Really, he said if I had to be with a man he would accept me being with you."

 

"That makes me feel a little better" Merlin responds softly

 

"I thought it might" Arthur responds leaning down to kiss Merlin's neck. Merlin about to twist around to kiss Arthur before Arthur goes into his next question,

 

"Did you ever think about getting married?" Arthur asked softly

 

"Your just asking _all_ of the personal questions tonight aren't you?" Merlin asks pushing against Arthur

 

"Hey, I'm just getting it out there. Some people never plan to marry while some people do. I just want to hear your stance on the topic." Arthur replies playfully and smoothly

 

"After Valiant, I thought I closed the thought of _ever_ wanting to depend on another in any way" (Arthur heart drops for a moment) "But that was some years ago now and I have healed. I have healed even more since I met you." (Merlin pauses and pushes off again turning around to see Arthur's eyes) "I found that I can be _quite_ open to that subject again." Merlin answers sincerely, lips twitching into a smirk and smiling at Arthur before asking,

 

"Now, is that enough serious discussions for tonight?"

 

"Yes, I would think so" Arthur replies hugging him tightly

 

"Good, because we have to go home and unpack everything from my house that is now safely in boxes at home."

 

"Unpack" Arthur gasps out

 

"Well, did you think everything would _unpack_ itself?" (Merlin states getting up and pulling Arthur up with him) "Mom, Freya, and Will helped me pack everything up because they knew that I wanted to surprise you. But now its me and you for the unpacking unless you want to call the gang." Merlin turns again to kiss Arthur's pouting lips before continuing,

 

"I had to save something for you."

 

"I bet you did." Arthur responds walking off with Merlin hand and hand on the way home having the cheesiest grin on his face. He couldn't be happier.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did find out what Arthur's surprise was for Merlin but he does not do in this chapter. We have one to two more chapters left before he does. Though I am seriously considering either having Arthur propose or having a jealous Arthur in the next chapter. What would you like to see?
> 
> As always, please review. There was a lot happening in this chapter. I would like to read your thoughts.


	14. Trouble in Paradise? - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur have a few good weeks of bliss before Arthur goes of town and Merlin takes a new colleague under his wings. How will this new colleague affect Merlin and Arthur's relationship? And just who is this mystery man?
> 
> Please note that there will also be a one month time jump between chapters 13 and 14. Though what has transpired leading up to that point will be explained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again, to all who have taken the time to read, review, give kudos, and have subscribed to this story. It means so much.
> 
> Remember, reviews are like chocolate. Can't have enough of it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.

One Month Later

 

* * * Changes * * *

  


Over the last four weeks a lot of things happened for for Merlin and Arthur. For weeks ago they did manage to do all of the unpacking of Merlin's possessions from his old home giving away things that were not need to local charities and keeping things that held memories or things that could be used for later. Arthur's home _finally_ had some personal touches. It looked _lived in_. Liked they _belonged_. It was truly a home. Pictures, additional pieces of furniture, decorative pieces that reflected not only Arthur but Merlin as well. For the couple life was moving at a pace of ease and they loved every moment of it.

Over the past two weeks work has been busy for both Merlin and Arthur. Arthur was called away on a business trip taking Uther's place in the States. He really did not wish to be away from Merlin but he did not have any other choice. This was important to the future of Pendragon Associates as stated by his father. Arthur did however request for Merlin to go with him but Merlin had to see to a new colleague of his in the Psychology department at Cambridge. They spoke on the phone daily and sometimes multiple times a day and they communicated through text messaging and Skype on their laptops. It almost reminded them of their dating days all over again.

 

  
Arthur managed to finish up his trip a few days earlier than planned to come home and surprise but Merlin but Arthur was the one surprised when he made back to their home at 8:00pm and Merlin was not there. He thought maybe it was pub night but realized the day was Wednesday and not Sunday. He knew that he and Merlin always went to Morgana and Leon's or Gwen and Lancelot's together. That was pretty much the custom for visiting all of their friends now-a-days. He also knew that Merlin did not say he had plans to meet up with Will or Freya or even his mum for that matter so it left Arthur to wonder where Merlin was as he knows that Merlin does not really travel about without him or without him knowing where he is. Getting just a little worried Arthur calls Merlin on his cell phone. Merlin answers on the forth ring.

 

  
"Arthur" 

"Hey love, where are you"

There was a pause and it sounded like Merlin covered his phone for a moment and muffled a message to someone. There was some background music and noise in the background. It sounded like Merlin was at a bar. But it got quiet before Merlin spoke again.

"I'm at the local pub, I wasn't expecting to hear from you so early."

_"Apparently"_ Arthur muttered to himself

"Excuse me" Merlin asked questionably

"Nothing"

"I've missed you"

"I've missed you too."

"Why did you ask where I was Arthur and how did you know I was not home?" Merlin asked after a beat but softly.

"Well, I asked because I finished up the trip early and I decided to take out the next flight and _surprise_ my boyfriend only to come home to find it empty. What are you doing at the pub, Merlin?"

"Well, I have a new colleague in my psychology department. I think I mentioned him to you. I've been showing him the ropes. We had late meetings and he asked me out for some drinks. I've been home alone so it gave me a chance to get to know one of my new professors better and not be bored at the same time. But now that I know that you are home I'll wrap up and be there in about fifteen, yeah?" Merlin said quickly but with sincerity in his voice.

Arthur on the other hand did not know what to think about this new _colleague_ and this new revelation that Merlin has decided to go out for drinks with this man. Though he does what he normally would when he has a load of questions and is unsure of how to ask it, he fakes it. With a big smile,

"Sounds great. I'll order some take away and take a shower. I see you in a bit."

"Great"

"And.. Merlin?"

"Yes, Arthur?"

"I love you" Arthur says softly

"I love you too, Arthur. I'll see you in fifteen."

 

Arthur knows that he _should not_ be jealous. Merlin has never given him a reason to be jealous. Merlin is dedicated to their relationship and loves him. Though that does not explain the gut feeling in his stomach that something could be wrong with this picture. Arthur looks through the menus and finds the menu for the Cajun restaurant that Merlin likes to eat from so much. After looking over his choices he places the order for himself and for Merlin ordering Merlin's favorites.

 

  
After Arthur places the order he heads for the shower. About five minutes in Arthur being so deep in thought he does not even notice Merlin sliding in until he feels arms wrap him from behind. Arthur smiles to himself and closes his eyes for a moment. Then he moves his arms to settle with Merlin's wrapped around his waist.

"Now this is why I came home early." Arthur says softly turning around in Merlin's arms.

"Sorry I wasn't here when you got home." Merlin searching Arthur's eyes obviously feeling a little guilty. Merlin never wishes to hurt anyone.

"S'alright. You can tell me about it later. Right, while we are waiting 45 minutes to an hour for dinner to arrive I just want these moments with you."

"Okay." Merlin smiles his response.

Merlin pulls his arms up to the nape of Arthur's hair keeping one hand there though using the other to trail down Arthur's body to settle on Arthur's hip. They hold gazes for at least thirty seconds before Merlin leans in tenderly for a kiss. He moves the hand from behind Arthur's head to rest on Arthur's jaw tugging Arthur's head closer as he kisses slowly and tenderly repeatingly to Arthur.

Arthur allows Merlin the control of the kiss as his hands begin to wander starting up at Merlin's cheeks, his chin, soft skin below his jaw, moving to his collarbones, chest, and to his nipples. Merlin's kisses are becoming more rapid now, more raw. He moves the hand on Arthur's chin back to Arthur's neck and pulls his head for a deeper kiss tilting it for a better angle and delves in when Arthur gasps into the kiss allowing Merlin's tongue access to his mouth. In between kisses Merlin is telling Arthur how much he misses him and how much he loves him.

Arthur lifts Merlin up and Merlin wraps his legs around Arthur's waist and moves his hands up Arthur's shoulders. Arthur moves Merlin against the shower walls and then with the shift takes the opportunity to take over the kiss. The kiss is filthy, rough, and _very_ possessive. While they are kissing, Arthur without even looking reaches for the lube and pours some on his hand while still pressing into Merlin and kisses him with as much love and passion than he can muster. Inserting one finger first Merlin ruts against the finger through the intrusion. Grabs on to Arthur even tighter pulling his chest on to him for even closer contact. Arthur inserts a second finger and Merlin breaks away from the kiss and starts kissing down Arthur's jaw moving from his jaw, to his neck, and then biting into Arthur's shoulders getting lost in the sensation fucking into Arthur's fingers. When Arthur inserts the third finger and hits that spot Merlin is begging Arthur for his pleasure. Arthur uses more lube rubs himself for a second. Its been a few weeks and he does not want to hurt Merlin because this is not going to be slow. There's been too much time apart and not enough of this in between. He intends to fuck Merlin nice and good and good and _that_ , Arthur certainly does.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

  
After their shower and their.... they wrapped in their bath robes because they know their night of lovemaking is far from over. Merlin is setting up the wine. The food has arrived and Arthur is setting up the dinner plates. It is not a romantic dinner so they decide to eat in the living area while watching the telly.

"So, tell me about this _colleague_ of yours" Arthur asks smoothly though the question has been on his mind since the moment he got off the phone with Merlin.

 

  
"Oh, he's new to the area. He had a bad break up with his boyfriend and decided to have a clean break. He interviewed at Cambridge about a month ago he stated and with the increase of the number of students majoring in psychology and the additional course loads of our students we had need of an additional professor. Gaius and I went over the applications again called him for a second interview and decided that he was the best person for the job." Merlin responded casually before continuing.

"I've sat in a few us his classes which is customary for a new professor and he is doing fairly well. As the head of the department I have to take the new professors under my wing and make sure that they are acclimated into our uni and into our practices. He seems to be fitting in pretty well."

Arthur takes all of that in and realizes that this still does not give him an answer as to why Merlin felt it was necessary to go out to the pub with the man. _And did he say the man was gay?_  


"I didn't know that you would normally take a colleague out for drinks." Arthur states hesitantly while looking Merlin in the eye and taking a sip of his wine.

Merlin decides to gulp down half the glass of his in that moment before responding.

"I normally wouldn't. But I told you he just came out of a bad break up and he is new to the area. He doesn't have any friends here so he asked me to go out with him for drinks." Merlin states trying to tone down the raise of his voice as he noticed it did rise in his response.

"Does he know about me?"

"Of course he knows about you. Why would I keep that from him?" Merlin responded irritated.

"No need to get mad _Mer_ lin. I just wondered what sort of man would ask another man out for drinks when he knows that man's boyfriend is out of town?" Arthur states jaw setting a little and blue eyes tensing.

"This can't be about him." Merlin says bring a raking a hand over his face.

"What's his name?"

After a pause Merlin and Merlin swallowing a few times he responds.

"His name is Mordred, Mordred Masters, and before you go jumping to the _wrong_ conclusions and before I forget to tell you, I invited him here to dinner on Saturday night to meet you."

"You _invited_ him here?"

Merlin's jaw set and he closed his eyes tightly almost like he was about to burst before responding.

"Yes, I _invited_ him here, to meet you. What is the matter with you anyway?"

"What's the _matter_ with me?! What's the matter with me is I come home after two weeks of being away to find my boyfriend out on what could be interpreted as a _date_ mind you with another man. What am I supposed to think, _Mer_ lin?!" Arthur responds angrily.

Arthur knows he _should not_ be this upset. Merlin has _never_ done anything that would cause him to be this angry but he _loves_ Merlin wholeheartedly and the thought of losing Merlin to someone makes his skin crawl. Arthur is beside himself. There is something about Merlin that can bring out the best in him and and sometimes the worst in him in equal measure.

 

  
"Your supposed to think that you can trust me!" Merlin yells rising to his feet. Arthur follows suit, dinner forgotten at the heat of this discussion.

"I do trust you, its _him_ that I am having little faith in at the moment." Arthur states tensely.

"If you _trust_ me then there would leave no room for doubt because that would mean that I would never do anything to hurt you!" Merlin yells again while pacing.

Arthur pacing as well and pressing the bridge of his nose clearly exasperated and uncertain of how to continue this conversation without making Merlin angrier. It doesn't work.

"Look Merlin" (Merlin's continuing to pace angrily) "Merlin, will you _stop_ and _listen_ to me please." (Arthur is pulling Merlin by the arms and drawing him closer pulling him into an embrace. Merlin is tense, very tense and Arthur's heart _aches_. After a few moments Merlin relaxes in his arms before saying, whispering in Arthur's ear,

"Arthur, I would _never_ do anything to intentionally hurt you. I am sorry if you are upset but I was truly being a friend. I need you to trust me, that's why I invited Mordred other to dinner on Saturday. He's a nice guy, I want you to meet him too. Who knows, you may even like him." Merlin finishes softly giving a gentle kiss to Arthur's neck.

Arthur clearly upset but knows a losing battle when he sees one especially without proof relents on his thoughts for a moment responding.

"I'm sorry too. I look forward to meeting him for dinner." Arthur replies pulling Merlin even tighter to him before putting a hand behind Merlin's head and drawing him in for a deep lingering kiss.

"I don't want to fight Arthur" Merlin says softly under his eyelashes that are so seductive Arthur's heart immediately skips a beat each Merlin does that. _"He's going to be the death of me."_ Arthur thinks to himself.

"I don't want to fight either (Kisses Merlin on each brow) _I_ (kiss on the one eyelid) _love_ (kiss on the other eyelid) _you_ (kiss on the tip of Merlin's nose) before attacking Merlin's lips again. Robes are being ripped away and Merlin gives out a yelp as Arthur's throws Merlin over his shoulder to carry him to their bedroom giving Merlin a tap on his pert bum for good measure and leading them for round two of their lovemaking.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Arthur has trouble sleeping that night. He turns over just to look at Merlin. He looks so peaceful, so content. He even sleeps with a small smile. Its _adorable_. Arthur's loves looking at Merlin shaggy hair that always looks like he just rolled out of bed, if only he could see those beautiful eyes it would make watching Merlin all the better. But for now he settle for how Merlin's long black eyelashes fans over Merlin's cheekbones. How Merlin's nose is the perfect size and shape for his face and though Merlin's ears may be considered a little large they are Arthur's and Arthur loves Merlin's ears regardless. _Oh_ , and Arthur can never forget Merlin's mouth. So soft, so _luscious_ , so perfectly made for kissing and so perfectly shaped to fit around Arthur's cock. That _mouth_ was made for pleasing Arthur.

Merlin has his neck bared just right in the pale moon light. His skin is _beautiful_. So soft, so smooth. Arthur just wants to eat Merlin up. He thinks about their argument but he still can't get this Mordred character out of his mind. He knows it could be silly but Arthur has made a career of trusting his gut instincts at right now his gut instincts is telling him that something is _wrong_. It could be jealousy or it could be something else. Arthur is not sure what to think as of yet but he knows something is definitely _wrong_.

 

  
He also knows he cannot go another round with Merlin about this. At least not yet. Goodness knows he was almost two minutes away from having to sleep in the guest bedroom as it was and Arthur does not wish to sleep anywhere that Merlin is not. Being out of town on business was torture enough.

Arthur sees Merlin stirring in his sleep and then watches Merlin's hand absently reaching out for him. Arthur's stomach flutters at that. Merlin stills in his direction opening his eyes half the way before questioning.

"Arthur, what are you doing up?"

Arthur pulls Merlin to him and runs a hand down Merlin's chest responding.

"I've been watching you sleep and telling myself that I am the luckiest man in the world."

Arthur states leaning in and gently kissing Merlin's chest and venturing downwards.

"What are you doing Arthur?" Merlin asks in between moans

"I'm about to take care of you good and proper, love." Arthur responds in a husky voice that makes Merlin's eyes go dark with lust though his fatigue is starting to win out.

"I'm tired, Arthur, we can have marathon sex all night long when you come home tomorrow night..."

Arthur cuts Merlin off with a filthy kiss before venturing downwards again saying seductively.

"You don't _have_ to do a thing, _Mer_ lin. All you need to do is _lay back_ (giving a tender kiss on the inner side of Merlin's thighs) for me, relax your beautiful self (giving a tender kiss on both sides of Merlin's hips), and come for me when I tell you to. Can you do that for me (giving a final tender kiss to the tip of Merlin's cock)?"

Arthur did not wait for an answer before engulfing Merlin whole bringing a shock to Merlin's system which was only the start. And with that Merlin came at least three more times that night. As the morning light burst through the openings of the curtains and Arthur stirred in waking. Arthur realized that the thoughts of his and Merlin's discussion never truly settled in his head. No, Arthur was still not satisfied with what was happening and he knew he wouldn't be until he found out more about this Mordred.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how did you like the chapter?
> 
> I only got one review for the last chapter which I am extremely grateful for receiving and after contemplation I decided to go with having a jealous Arthur. Though Mordred is not all that he is cracked up to be.
> 
> Let me know if you like this new addition and if there is something that you would like to see more of. Review please and tell me what you think. In fact, please review.


	15. Digging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred comes to dinner and Arthur still is not too happy about it. Is Arthur's suspicions warranted?
> 
> Tensions are high in the Pendragon - Emrys household.
> 
> Uther does some digging into Mordred's past. Just what will he discover?
> 
> Gwaine and Arthur has a conversation that will shed some light on things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I had to pause to think about the direction I was taking this story without losing the meaning of it all. I've got it now. I also needed some inspiration so I took the time to read some of the amazing stories many of you have posted. I think I am also going to re watch some of the Merlin episodes again too. Just to keep the inspiration going.
> 
> There will not be a time lapse in this chapter. Things are happening now and pieces are coming together. There will probably be another time lapse later but not for the next few chapters. Can you believe that we hit the 40,000 word mark?
> 
> Thank you again, to all who have taken the time to read, review, give kudos, and have subscribed to this story. It means so much.
> 
> Remember, reviews are like chocolate. Can't have enough of it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.

  
  
* * * Dinner with Mordred * * *

  
  
The thoughts of Merlin and Arthur's discussion regarding Mordred never truly settled in Arthur's head. Which is why three days later on a Saturday night they are in the situation that they are in now. Merlin on one side of the table while Arthur on the other. Mordred seated closest to Merlin's side on one side of the table while Leon and Morgana were seated on the other side of the table opposite. Arthur is no fool, _of course_ he was bringing reinforcements.

  
  
It was like a game of chess and Arthur had no intentions of losing. He intended to find out as much as possible about this Mordred character. Arthur also could not help but to notice the way that Mordred was looking at Merlin. He also could not help but to notice how oblivious his Merlin really is to Mordred's obvious advances. Morgana and Leon were not fooled.

  
  
So they sit at the dinner table sharing wine, roasted chicken, potatoes, and asparagus prepared by Merlin along with a Baked Alaska prepared by Morgana getting to know each other. _For Merlin's sake_.

  
  
"So, Mordred, Merlin tells us that you are new to the area." Morgana inquires with an inquisitive eye

  
  
"That is correct. I interviewed for Cambridge a few months ago now but when a position finally opened I jumped to it." Mordred replies with his best smile glancing to Merlin before answering. Arthur does not miss that and narrows his eyes while politely stabbing into his potatoes.

  
  
"I also heard that you went to Oxford. A very prestigious school I might add. Where did you go prior to that." Leon asks while taking a sip of wine.

  
  
"I went to Eton Academy actually." Mordred replies with a slight direction to Arthur and then to Merlin before looking directly to Leon.

  
  
"Eton, Merlin states that you are his age, which would mean that you went to Eton around the same time Leon and I did." Arthur states eyes narrowing some.

  
  
"That probably is the case, though I doubt our circles crossed." Mordred responded quickly and Morgana and Arthur's raised a brow.

  
  
Though it was Leon that went further.

  
  
"Well, even if our circles didn't cross there would be no way to miss Arthur. He was pretty much in charge of everything and was _Mr. Popularity_ as well. I am sure that you would have heard of him or had met him at least." Leon adds with a small smile.

  
  
"Possibly, but that was a long time ago. But I love being here in Camelot. I gotten to meet good friends like Merlin here (Mordred smiles his most charming smile in Merlin's direction. Arthur can barely manage not to roll his eyes) and I have found a wonderful position at Cambridge. The students are brilliant, I love the area, and I love what I do." Mordred responds.

  
  
"Where did you move from before coming to Camelot?" Morgana asks

  
  
"I traveled many places. I spent some time in Luxemburg, Essetir, and London. I also traveled to the states." Mordred replies still glancing at Merlin before giving responses.

  
  
"Merlin says that you moved here following a bad break up?" Arthur inquires

  
  
"Yes, Merlin is correct. I wanted a fresh start."

  
  
"Well, now that we have played a round of twenty questions, Arthur, why don't you give me a hand in the kitchen to get desert." Merlin says as a demand and not a request. Jaw set, eyes narrowed, and on the way to the kitchen. Arthur swallows and follows slowly.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
Merlin is pacing in the kitchen by the time Arthur opens and closes the door.

  
  
"Dinner going well." Arthur states softly feeling out the atmosphere.

  
  
Merlin turns towards Arthur and rolls his eyes before narrowing them again and responding.

  
  
"What the hell was that Arthur, the Spanish Inquisition?!" Merlin hisses

  
  
"I don't know what you mean, we were having a simple dinner and were simply making friendly conversation." Arthur replies in his most sincere tone. He and Merlin both know it does not go over well.

  
  
"That's bullshit and you know it! You were basically interrogating him. If I did not pull you in the kitchen who knows what would have been your next question, and don't think I don't know that Leon and Morgana are here for reinforcements." Merlin states raking his hands through his hair still pacing.

  
  
"Merlin, what do you expect. If someone new were to come in to my life and that person wanted to spend what seems to be a tremendous amount of time with me do you want me to think, _to believe_ , that you would be completely alright with it. Not a word, not one inkling of a thought in regards to it? Because you can lie to me right now but I would still know that it would not be true." Arthur states adamantly.

  
   
"I understand that you have questions. That is why I brought him over to dinner. But Mordred has been through a lot of rough patches as I have told you. He is a _friend_ and last I checked it was alright for us to have friends." Merlin states looking Arthur in his eyes.

  
  
"It is alright to have friends Merlin, but Mordred does not seem to look at you as someone he wants to be friends with. What do you expect me to think or do?!" Arthur responds.

  
  
"Mordred has not given me any reason to believe that he sees me any more than a friend. Until that day comes I will treat him as a friend, Arthur. I expect you to trust me and my judgment." Merlin replies after swallowing and taking a deep breath.

 

Arthur also takes a deep breath because he sees that this discussion is not going anywhere that he would like it to go and that Merlin is being stubborn. Arthur tries questioning Merlin using a different method.

  
  
"Have you ever heard that a man and a woman _can't_ be friends? That pretty much goes the same for two gay men you know?"

  
  
"Have you ever heard that they can and its been proven? As long as the people in question have control and do not see each other in that way?" Merlin replies.

  
  
"No, I haven't." Arthur replies stubbornly.

  
  
"Well you make an effort, for me? Please." Merlin pushes again searching Arthur out.

  
  
"For you." Is all Arthur has at the moment

  
  
"Thank you." Merlin replies before pulling Arthur in a quick embrace and leading them back into the dining room for desert.

  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
* * * Morgana's POV * * *

  
  
The desert did not go much better. Though Arthur tries to lay low knowing which way his bread was buttered. Morgana managed to let loose. She also knew exactly which way her little brother's bread was buttered too but she had to protect both Arthur and Merlin. She also had a feeling that there was something more to Mordred and based on Leon's responses as well. He agreed with her.

  
  
Morgana could see the tension between Merlin and Arthur. More so in her little brother. Arthur spent many years keeping his feelings inside and now because of Merlin it is finally coming to the surface. She likes this change in him and fears that something like this will hurt him. She sees his love for Merlin. It is clear for all to see and written on Arthur's face. She also knows that Merlin loves Arthur too but for some reason he wants to fight Arthur on this. Her eyes narrow because the only way to get around this is to find out more about this _Mordred_. Time to do some research. 

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
* * * Pendragon Associates * * *

  
* * * A Family Meeting * * *

  
Uther strolls in to Arthur's office while he is finishing up a meeting with Morgana and Leon with a few questions of his own.

  
  
"Arthur, who is Mordred Masters?"

  
  
"How do you know about him?" Arthur asks taken back.

  
  
"I am doing my normal six month investigation of Merlin is this Mordred person keeps popping up. I know you met him for dinner but what do you know of him?" Uther responds coolly.

  
  
"But wait, there not even engaged yet and you are having Merlin followed?" Morgana responds surprised.

  
  
"Wait, don't you think it is too much to be following Merlin around like this?" Leon asked shocked.

  
  
All three Pendragons turn to glare at Leon in unison stating, "Not in the least."

  
  
"Did you do this with me?" Leon inquires with a brow raised

  
  
Arthur and Uther roll their eyes turning away for Morgana to handle this. Morgana puts on her sweetest smile allowing it to reach her eyes and puts her hands on each side of Leon's face stating, "Yes, sweetheart, but there was no need to mention it. You passed with flying colors as I knew you would." Before giving Leon a sweet kiss and turning back to her father and little brother.

  
  
"In answer to your question father, yes, I met Mordred but something is not right with him. He also went to Eton with me and I don't even remember him." Arthur states.

  
  
"That's not uncommon Arthur you were very popular in school. You could not have possibly met everyone." Uther responded.

  
  
"Maybe we should ask Gwaine." Leon responds suddenly. "Where Arthur was Mr. Popularity, Gwaine was the people person of the school. He knew everybody."

  
  
"Good idea, we can have Gwaine come over tonight to take a look at the pictures. I am assuming you have some right father?" Morgana inquires expectantly. Uther nods in admittangly in response.

  
  
"What concerns me the most is that Mordred's history is sketchy. Otherwise I would not have even brought it to your attention. My PI has been digging but there are a lot of things missing in Mordred's records spanning from his youth. I also see that he has had an attachment to Merlin. It seems that they have been spending quite a lot of time together lately." Uther states hesitantly while managing accusingly at the same time.

  
  
Arthur pinches the bridge to his nose and takes a deep breath before responding to the information.

  
  
"I trust Merlin, father. Though I can agree and say that I do not trust Mordred..."

 

  
Morgana cuts in saying,

  
  
"I agree with that too."

  
  
"Do you think that we can do further research on Mordred, dig deeper into his youth, family history, his last boyfriend that he claimed to have a bad break up with, financial records, anything along those lines?" Arthur asks his father.

  
  
"I don't see why not. I'll get my PI right on it." Uther responds confidently.

  
  
"Would it not be easier to ask Merlin to stay away from him?" Uther inquires.

  
  
" _Merlin_ , Merlin, will do quite the opposite." Morgana states rolling her eyes.

  
  
"I agree. The more I push, the more angry he gets. He keeps telling me to trust him and does not understand that it is not him that I do not trust." (Arthur pauses then and looks to Morgana for enlightenment as the all knowledge where Merlin is concerned) " _Why_ does he do that?"

  
  
"Its another part of his defense mechanisms that he has built up over the years. Merlin has had someone controlling his life for years remember. Someone basically beating him into submission. Someone controlling, _jealous_ , and possessive in all turns. It took a lot for Merlin to get his life back and to make his own choices. It is hard for him to relinquish that, though I see that he has been doing it for you. This is just bringing some things back to him again and its his way of fighting it off." Morgana says assuredly.

  
  
"I saw that in Merlin's records. He has come a long way. Not many people can bounce back from what he has." Uther comments sincerely.

  
  
"Do you really think Merlin will take it well with all of this digging into his life as well as his friend's?" Leon gently questions again.

  
  
All three Pendragons look to Leon again before saying in unison, _"It is necessary."_

  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
* * * Leon's POV * * *

  
  
With that Leon decides to make his exit back to his office. There is one thing about those Pendragons, they may fight with each other but when one feels threatened or is under attack they all band together like a fist capable of dealing a fatal blow to the one that gets in their way. Leon almost feels bad for Mordred, almost, because he has no idea what he is getting himself into. But then again, neither do they.

  
  
Leon may not like the way that his family goes about getting information or keeping tabs on people but he has learned a lot from them and also knows that they are not doing this to invade ones privacy but to protect themselves. The Pendragon family has businesses all over the world on top of their main one. Uther has left his children enough to not have to work through several lifetimes. He kept his promise to his late wife. Though Arthur may be the heir of the dynasty Morgana will still have full support and to top it off, Morgana and Arthur will never let the other fall. Is Leon upset that his family delves into ones personal and private life whenever they feel the need? Yes. Is it something to destroy a marriage over after a five year relationship and ruin a friendship with the man that is considered to be one of his closest friends? No. For this, Leon learns to leave well enough alone.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Arthur talks to Gwaine * * *

  
  
Arthur comes home late from work. The tension is still there between Merlin and Arthur from the other night. Arthur really is unable to shake the feeling that something is wrong. Maybe he should leave well enough alone? Is it really enough to interfere with a relationship that has been going on for a little over a year now? This is the longest relationship that Arthur has ever had. _Merlin is the one._ There is no doubt to that, _no question_ , no inkling of a thought, nothing. Merlin is the one. Arthur _will be damned_ if he lets anyone take Merlin away from him.

  
  
Arthur's phone starts to vibrate in his pocket. He sees _'Princess'_ listed and knows the call is from Gwaine. Gwaine is the only person he has _ever_ allowed to call him that name. It can be because of their brief relationship during their discovery days at Eton. Though those discovery days were hot and wonderful for them both it helped them to see that Arthur was indeed bi-curious at the time and Gwaine was indeed straight. Though he did not mind slipping over to the bi-curious side for Arthur since they were in an all boys school. That relationship was kept on the down low. Not even _Uther_ knew about it and that is saying something. But it managed to keep their relationship close without scrutiny or mark to their records from anyone while they discovered who they were. _For that_ , he may joke about it or push a fit but he will _always_ allow Gwaine to call him _'Princess.'_

  
  
"Gwaine?"

  
  
"Hey, Princess. How are things? How is Merlin?"

  
  
"Things are fine. Merlin is fine. (Pause) It could be better at the moment." Arthur sighs

  
  
"So I've heard. Did you take a really good look at Mordred when you met him or were you just seeing red from jealousy?"

  
  
 _"Gwaine?"_

  
  
"No really, because I looked at the picture Arthur and I _recognized_ him."

  
  
That stumps Arthur. It is true though, Arthur was Mr. Popularity and Gwaine was the people person. Both were very popular. Gwaine also remembers a face where Arthur only does if that face means something to him or is someone he has to be mindful of for the future. 

  
  
"Where did you recognize him from Gwaine?" Arthur asked suddenly alert while taking a seat on the sofa.

  
  
"He's from Eton. Though he did not go about that name, I am _certain_ of it. The name Cornelius Sigan keeps standing out for him. He may have changed his name over the years."

  
  
"Why would he do that and why don't I remember him?"

  
  
"I don't know Arthur (Gwaine calling Arthur by his name and not Princess means he is about to get serious which makes Arthur even more tense and alert) but get this. Mordred or Cornelius whatever his name is has to have _known you_. If he says he doesn't he's lying. He used to follow you around like a love sick puppy in Eton like you were the quench for his thirst. You never paid much attention to him because you never gave him the time of day. There is no way that a boy can follow someone around for years and not recognize him now. You don't look much different Arthur." Gwaine continues,

  
  
"I also think the name changing is another reason why your dad is having a hard time finding out enough information about Mordred or whatever his name is. If he really is going by different names your dad will have to change his way of digging too. People don't change their names completely unless they have something to hide."

  
  
Arthur rakes his hands over his face for a moment with his phone pressed to his ear. He knew something was off about Mordred but this information is sending off warning bells that he is not sure what to do with yet. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes tightly before responding,

  
  
"Gwaine, what do you think this has to do with Merlin?" Arthur is vulnerable when asking this question and Gwaine takes a moment before responding truthfully.

  
  
"I'm not sure, Arthur. It may have nothing to do with him. It could be a complete coincidence and a coincidence that he has come across you after all these years too."

  
  
"Do you really believe that?"

  
  
 _"Honestly,_ I maybe able to take one coincidence but not two. My advice, _if you so choose to take it Princess_ (Gwaine states playfully and Arthur has to chuckle lightly because Gwaine does not like to stay in a serious conversation for long. But Gwaine has a way of pulling Arthur out of these depressed moments) is to maybe take Merlin away for about a week or so. That should give your dad and Morgs just enough time to do more research on this Mordred fellow. Something... _something_ just does not _sit right_ with me here and I am starting to get a bad feeling."

  
  
That stumps Arthur again. He knows that Pendragons are not very trusting people to heart at first because there is so much to gain from them but once you have gained their trust they are best people in the world. Arthur works around people daily deciphering moods, body language, and tones of individuals to determine what one is thinking or whether they are trustworthy or not. Arthur gets bad feelings more so than most and is usually right with those feelings. Gwaine is a people person, and always has been. He also has the same talent as Arthur but being a people person gives him more experience and insight. If _Gwaine_ has a bad feeling. That feeling is _warranted_. Though there is something else that Gwaine is not saying.

  
  
"You think he can be dangerous?" Arthur inquires hesitantly.

  
  
"Arthur, I don't know what to think but someone with two names, acting like he does not know you, and is all over Merlin. _I don't like it!_ I know we are all a little overprotective when it comes to Merlin after all that he has been through but in this moment. Whether Merlin _likes it or not_ , I am inclined to want to keep some distance between the two. That is at least until we find out more." Gwaine continues after taking a deep breath.

  
  
"Morgana told me how Merlin has been acting towards you when the subject of Mordred comes up and that is textbook Merlin. I know this because the only other person that spent enough time with Merlin through his ordeal with the exception of Morgana is me. _So no_ , I wouldn't want to push him away if I were you but I would want to _take him away_. At least until you found out more. Give your dad a week or so. _And Arthur_ , I also think you need to talk to Merlin about this."

  
  
"Gwaine, he flips out every time time I try to share any of my concerns. He thinks it is because I don't trust him."

  
  
"Is it _true_?"

  
  
"No." ( Arthur answers too quickly before continuing) "I am jealous. _I will admit it,_ but I do trust Merlin. I just don't trust Mordred."

 

  
"Well, with all of this digging, I am going to tell you that _Merlin_ is not going to take that as a sign of _trust._ He has been manipulated enough in his life and he is going to take that as a sign of you not trusting him, _especially_ if he finds out about another way. Merlin will not be as understanding as Leon."

  
  
"I know." Arthur replies though clearly frustrated. Gwaine senses Arthur's frustration and continues softly,

  
  
"He does not have to know everything Arthur. But I would give him enough to placate him and I would _certainly_ tell him what you have found out regarding Mordred. Whether you tell him what you have now or once you get the full details from your dad later, because, _Arthur_ , I think you are only scratching the surface on this one." Gwaine finishes.

  
  
"I know. This has not been sitting well with me and I have had a bad feeling for weeks. Mordred was around Merlin for the weeks I was away and he is around him now. I'll take your advice, Gwaine. I'll clear my schedule and get Merlin to clear his. Maybe we can go away for a few weeks if possible. That should give father plenty of time and give me time to break some of this to Merlin as well. I have a feeling I might have to go in increments unless he forces it out of me. He has way of doing that you know?" Arthur finishes with a chuckle.

  
  
"That's because our Merlin has you wrapped around his little finger, Princess. Dare I say, whipped?" Gwaine says with a grin. Happy to end the discussion on happier notes.

  
  
"I _never_ thought I would agree, but I would probably give or do anything for Merlin, all he would have to do is ask, and _yes_ , _whipped_ I am. I am proud to say it, and you better not tell anyone." Arthur laughs. He knows he can trust Gwaine, they have kept each others secrets for this long.

  
  
"You know your secrets are safe with me, Princess."

  
  
"I know."

  
  
"Now get off this phone and go back with your man and I will get off mine and be with my woman shall we? Give Merlin my love."

  
  
"Sounds good, and I will. Give Elena my love too, and _Gwaine_?"

  
  
"Yes, _Princess_?"

  
  
"Thank you."

  
  
"You welcome, talk to you later."

  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
Arthur rakes his hands through his hair. His jaw tenses and his heart is speeding up just a little. Things are not adding up. Well it is adding up but not in the way that Arthur wants it to, and just how is he supposed to explain this to Merlin? Arthur feels like confronting Mordred but decides that he should wait until he gets more information. He does not want to alert him and dig himself any deeper with Merlin. This will be an argument. Arthur has no doubt. It will just determine if it will be EPIC or small. Arthur really hopes it will be small but Merlin does have a thing for the dramatic.

  
  
Arthur decides to get Morgana to make the arrangements for a romantic getaway for he and Merlin. She is quicker at putting those things together than Arthur is. She can have everything planned out while Arthur and Merlin are clearing their schedules. Merlin will have to find one of the retired professors to teach in his absence but that will not be much of a problem. Merlin has told him this before.

  
  
Arthur takes a quick shower trying to spray the tension away from his body before he climbs into the bed and spoons into Merlin wrapping an arm around Merlin's torso, taking a good smell of him, and gently kissing Merlin at the top of his head, his cheek, and his neck, before settling in. On reflex, Merlin automatically pulls Arthur closer. Arthur closes his eyes and allows sleep to take him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for taking that extra time to review last time. It means a lot and gives me the inspiration to try and do even better in my storytelling. Please take the time and tell me how I am doing, give suggestions, or just review.
> 
> Next up:
> 
> Merlin and Arthur on their vacation, the argument (should it be EPIC?), Arthur has a surprise for Merlin. Whether he goes through with it or not we will have to wait and see.
> 
> Meanwhile at home, the gang and Uther will be doing more research into finding out who Mordred is or isn't possibly?


	16. The Shit is about to Hit the Fan!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur are enjoying their romantic getaway having the time of their lives while the gang back home is finding out some rather disturbing news about Mordred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again, to all who have taken the time to read, review, give kudos, and have subscribed to this story. It means so much.
> 
> Remember, reviews are like chocolate. Can't have enough of it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * * Merlin and Arthur on Holiday * * *

  
  
Getting the time off and everything situated was fairly easy for Merlin and Arthur. Merlin was absolutely right, he was able to get a retired professor to fill in for him for two weeks. While Merlin took care of that all Arthur had to do was inform Uther of his plans and intentions and Uther was on board with Arthur's decision _without_ questioning. It surprised Arthur of how supportive Uther has been throughout all of this and it gladdened his heart to know that he and his father were getting along better and that he is putting such an effort in accepting Arthur for who he is, _without_ attempting to change him. He has also been saying nice things about Merlin as well. Maybe something good has come out of this situation.

  
  
  
Arthur also knew he made the right decision in having Morgana choose the location spot of his and Merlin's holiday vacation getaway. _Not only_ did she reserve something private and remote for them, she chose from one of the world's _10 most secluded beaches_. Without knowing Arthur's full intentions of this retreat she still managed to get something that Arthur would definitely choose for himself and Merlin. You couldn't get much better than this vacation spot.  
  


# Holbox Island, Yucatan Peninsula

 

Holbox (hol-bosh) is part of the Yum Balam ecological reserve, separated from land by the Yalahua Lagoon. It is beautiful. The 26-mile-long island boasts many secluded fine white-sand beaches peppered with beautiful seashells. The Gulf of Mexico's jade green waters are calm and swimmer-friendly. Though you can't expect nightclubs or WI-fi in this part of Cancun. Or cars, for that matter, as everyone travels in golf-cart buggies. From Cancun airport you can take a taxi to Chiquila, about two hours away, to catch a ferry; or hire a water taxi _on the spot_ to take you to Isla Holbox, 14 km (nine miles) away. Total travel time from Cancun is about three hours. There's a rustic airport on Holbox for private planes. The spot was perfect, secluded, and very, _very romantic_. It was just what Merlin and Arthur needed at this stage of their relationship.

  
  
This is a place where you can truly get away from it all and that is what Arthur wanted to do with Merlin. They _needed_ this and most importantly, there was no _Mordred_ to fuck things up for them. That was the icing on the cake. On the first week Arthur and Merlin decided to take on the sites of Cancun before going to their beach front property. They took in one of the lavish hotels to see the sites of Cancun, to enjoy the restaurants and to take to the clubs. Neither Arthur nor Merlin had been to Cancun before so this was a wonderful experience for them both to have now. 

 

  
While they spent the evenings at the night clubs and their lavish hotel they spent their days touring around the historical city and taking in the sites. They managed to visit the Plaza Isla taking in the huge shopping mall to bring back souvenirs for their friends and family. They then went to Tulum Avenue to take in some of the ruins. Fortunately, for them Merlin knew a little Spanish, enough of it anyways, as they found that they would have been in a pretty pickle if he did not. Most of the people did not know English in this area. The place was stunning and the view to the Caribbean Sea was phenomenal. They even managed to get to see the _Mayan ruins_. Merlin was all over the place and Arthur's heart _melted_ every time feeding off of Merlin's excitement for what they have seen and what was still yet to come.

 

  
During their first week they also managed to take to the Cancun Country Club, the Wet'n Wild Cancun Amusement Park, and the Interactive Aquarium. Arthur was thinking this would be the perfect spot for their honeymoon. _Yes_ , Arthur was thinking this far out. How could he not when he was at one of the most romantic places in the world. Cancun was not only one of the top vacation and honeymoon spots of 2012 but the secluded beach they were headed to next was one of the top 10 secluded areas in the world. This was a _win win_ on all counts.  
 

  
  
When they went to their little Island on the second week they discovered that not only had Morgana reserved everything, she had the kitchen stocked, hired a mini group of staff, and had all preparations set for them. She not only did this but she also reserved the island _period_. Completely paid for and no one else was allowed entrance on to it, it was extremely private. You could lay _naked_ on the beach without fear that anyone would walk up on you. Arthur had _plenty intentions_ to do just that. It seemed unrealistic and it was definitely unheard of now-a-days but apparently, money was no object for this expenditure. Where sister's are given, Morgana is the best, Arthur thought. If it could happen, Morgana would make it happen for them. And she did.

  
  
"Morgana did all of this _for us_."

  
  
Merlin asked while looking around their beach front property that they would be staying in for a week. He was amazed to see a sea so blue while yet so green, _pure,_ he did not know water looked that way anymore as most waters look dirty with pollution but somehow this island managed to preserve its beauty. The sand was white, it was remarkable, it was captivating.

  
  
"Yes, Arthur breathed out taking in some of the same things Merlin was, she did all of this for us. Remind me to do some extra special for her birthday as a thank you."

 

"I will." Merlin replied in awe

 

  
"Do you want to get some rest first, or do you want to go to the beach?" Arthur asked "Or, are you hungry?"

  
  
"I am all of the above. Why don't we take a basket and go down to the beach. We can carry towels and some blankets. The sun is just right and we can lay under the palm trees. It will protect us if we fall asleep." Merlin responds turning sideways to look at Arthur.

  
  
"Sounds good. Give me a moment to inform the staff of what we need and I'll get some wine and then we can head out." Arthur says and he wonders why he feels so nervous. He feels like a kid all of a sudden, an excited kid.

  
  
"Okay." Merlin responds as he reaches for Arthur first and gives a gentle kiss while playing with Arthur's bottom lip."

  
  
" _Umm_ , don't start something that you can't finish Mr. Emrys." Arthur states as he pulls Merlin closer to him flush into his chest.

  
  
"Who says I can't _finish_ it?" Merlin replies as he wraps his arms up Arthur's neck and pulls him even closer for a full on passionate kiss. Arthur moans into the kiss but reluctantly pulls back.

  
  
"This is counterproductive, let's get everything together first. We can resume all of this on the beach, yeah?"

  
  
"Now who's talking about not finishing what they started?" Merlin says huskily while palming Arthur's erection. Arthur closes his eyes for a moment to get a grip.

  
  
"Don't worry, we will _finish_ it, and I keep my word."

  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  


* * * On the Beach * * *

  
Laying out on the beach Arthur and Merlin looked in _awe_ of their surroundings. They grilled some of their fruits and were currently feeding each other slowly while drinking their wine and sitting on one of their blankets. Some of the exotic fruits they brought along were:

  
  
Papaya, Chocolate Sapote, Mexican Cherimoya, Apple Bananas, Sweet Lemons, Sweet Avocados, and _Mangos to die for!_

  
  
"You know, some people consider these exotic fruits as aphrodisiacs." Arthur comments in his most savory sexy voice as he is feeding Merlin a piece of a sweet lemon. The juice dribbles down Merlin's mouth to his chin and Arthur leans in to lick it off with his tongue. Merlin shivers.

  
  
"There is something that you failed to consider my friend." Merlin responds

  
  
"And what's that?"

  
  
"I don't need an aphrodisiac. _You_ , you, are my aphrodisiac." Merlin responds before climbing into Arthur's lap.

  
  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
* * * Back Home * * *

  
  
* * * Pendragon Associates * * *

  
  
  
Uther strolls into Morgana's office. Morgana looks up from her paperwork, taking in Uther's stance and demeanor inquires,

  
  
"Any more word on Mordred father."

  
  
"Yes, I found out some most disturbing news."

  
  
"On Mordred, or on his alias Cornelius as Gwaine stated?"

  
  
"Mordred not only goes by that name, and Cornelius Sigan, he also goes by a _Cenred Master_ s as well."

  
  
"What does this all even mean?" Morgana asked confused.

  
  
"It _means_ that Mordred is not at all who he says he is. By putting all his names together and doing the research my Investigators have found out that Mordred has had a history of _Schizophrenia_. Not only himself but he comes from a family line of it. Mordred has also had a history of family abuse and a history of being abusive in his prior relationships. The man that Mordred claims he had a bad break up with was in a coma. He was not expected to live." Uther is pacing in the office as he is responding.

  
  
Morgana looked stunned by this revelation and for the first time _ever_ , speechless. She took a moment to compose herself before asking,

  
  
"Not expected to live, was in a coma. Does that mean that he is living now, has he died or did he make it?"

  
  
"He survived surprisingly considering his injuries, one of my Investigators are searching for him now. Apparently, he went into hiding shortly after he came to in order to ensure his own safety from Mordred. It is like he _vanished_ into thin air."

  
  
"That's not surprising, I would do the same if I were involved with someone like Mordred." Morgana stated while feeling a chill run down her spine.

  
  
"I am glad that you will never have to experience being in a relationship with someone like Mordred. I doubt his boyfriend knew what he was getting into either. It took a lot to get this information and Mordred being under so many different aliases made it nearly impossible to even get this far. Pausing, Uther asks, have you heard from Arthur yet?"

  
  
"Yes, twice. Though it is difficult for Arthur to talk without Merlin catching on. He wants to make the best of the vacation first before he starts telling Merlin about what is going on. In case he _flips a gasket_. Arthur's words not mine."

  
  
"Well, I fear that he will not be able to put this off much longer. From what I can tell from what we have dug up so far, Mordred is extremely dangerous, and if he has set his sights set on Merlin that means that Merlin is in danger as well which also places Arthur in danger. I also have my PI looking up any outstanding warrants or anything showing that Mordred or any of his aliases are wanted for that matter for anything and everything. Maybe we can have this cleaned up before Merlin and Arthur returns."

  
  
"Nothing would make Arthur happier if that could be possible. His gut has been telling him that something was wrong with Mordred for weeks now, and he and Gwaine both suspected that Mordred was possibly a danger. Now we know for certain."

  
  
"Well, Arthur has always had good instincts. In the meantime, I have someone following Mordred. Apparently, he has been trying to find out where Arthur has taken Merlin. He's been doing it discreetly however, attempting to pry it from Freya and Will, but he has tried none the less."

  
  
"It will be difficult to find Merlin and Arthur because I reserved some very private locations for them. Unless he has resources that we are unaware of."

  
  
"We will just have to keep an eye out."

 

Both Pendragons stood puzzled in their thoughts.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

  
* * * Back in Cancun * * *

 

  
"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" Merlin whispers in Arthur's ear while he is pulling Arthur's t-shirt off and over his head. Arthur trembles.

  
  
"You tell me every morning, every night, and yet somehow, I never tire of hearing it." Arthur replies seriously staring into Merlin's eyes. He in turn lifts Merlin's shirt off of his head continuing, "I don't think I will _ever_ tire of hearing it."

  
  
Merlin kisses Arthur deeply and pushes forward to allow Arthur to lay down while he straddles Arthur and continues to kiss him tenderly to passionately. Clothes continue to shed and hands continue to explore. Merlin breaks free from the kiss and then begins his way down exploring beginning from Arthur's jawline, to his neck, to his collar bones, and further.

  
  
"I _love_ your body, Arthur. I _love_ everything about it."

  
  
Arthur thinks this is good because Merlin seems to _know_ his body very well and can play it like a fiddle. Merlin continues,

  
  
"I _love_ the way it is so responsive to me. Every time I touch a spot it feels like you automatically sway in that direction."

  
  
Merlin continues going down sucking on Arthur's nipples, getting it good and hard before rotating them.

  
  
"I _love_ the way your body can't get enough of me. You want me now don't you?"

  
  
"Yes" Arthur responds softly in a daze in all that is Merlin.

  
  
"Do you want me to fuck you, Arthur?" Just like that Arthur is twice as hard than he already was.

  
  
"Yes." Arthur says in a moan.

  
  
Merlin continues on his journey kissing Arthur's hips, rotating sides again, before going to Arthur's erection. He puts some of the lube that he stored away for just this purpose in his hand.

  
  
"I am going to set you right up, love. I am going to fuck you _good and proper_. Would you like that, love?"

  
  
"Yes." Arthur is responding but he does not know how.

  
  
While he is trying to think Merlin takes a lick of the tip of Arthur's cock tasting the pre-come there. Arthur shutters. Merlin then takes another lick. Like Arthur's dick is an ice cream _on a stick_ and licks him from the tip to the base repeatedly. Going over the veins.

  
  
"I _love_ your cock Arthur. Its the perfect size. Just right. Like it was _made just for me_. Like you were _made just for me_." Arthur's glad that Merlin did not ask any questions this time because he was not sure if he could respond to answer them.

  
  
Merlin begins to mouth Arthur's balls now and Arthur's becoming even more and more undone. Merlin goes back up to Arthur's cock and takes him in whole. Merlin hand is going behind Arthur's balls circling around his hole and Arthur is thrusting up automatically. Merlin steadies Arthur's hips. He's started to bob his head and he is humming, its doing strange _things_ to Arthur and just when he thought it couldn't get any better he starts to feel fingers. _Fingers_. He feels the penetration, the light burn, and, oh, _aw_ , fuck, Merlin hits that spot that makes Arthur sees stars. He does not know what to feel as his cock is being worshiped and his hole is being fucked by Merlin's fingers.

  
  
" _Mer..Mer.. Mer_ lin, I need you now." Arthur stutters out breathlessly.

  
  
"You need me to do _what_ , Arthur?" Merlin whispers huskily and oh fuck, Merlin is _playing_ with him.

  
  
"I need you, in me, now, Merlin."

  
  
"What's the _magic words_. Arthur?"

  
  
"Oh, _fuck._ "

  
  
"That's not a magic word, Arthur."

  
  
"Ah, fuck me." Arthur states desperately aroused and slightly aggravated.

  
  
"That's what I am trying to do, Arthur." Merlin states cheekily.

  
  
"Merlin, will you please, in me,... I... need.. you... _now_."

  
  
With one full swoop Merlin enters Arthur leaving Arthur breathless. It took just a second for fingers to be removed and Merlin's cock to replace it and for Merlin's mouth to release Arthur's cock with a filthy pop." No matter how many times Merlin fucks Arthur he never ceases to feel so utterly _aroused_. Arthur has _never_ felt so shattered then at that moment when Merlin finally takes him. Merlin gives Arthur a moment to adjust before he begins to thrust starting slowly. He reaches down while thrusting and gives Arthur the dirtiest mouthwatering kiss. Mapping out Arthur's mouth with Merlin's tongue. Merlin's tongue finds every dip, every corner, crevice, every nook and cranny of Arthur's mouth, just like Merlin's cock is deep inside of Arthur's body doing _things_ to Arthur. Merlin's mouth is doing _things_ to Arthur. Its _double the trouble and double the temptation_.

 

  
  
When Merlin pulls back slightly to take a look at Arthur he realizes that Arthur is silently crying. He immediately stops. He does not pull out but Arthur has his undivided attention.

 

  
"Arthur, what is it? Are you hurt? Is something wrong? Tell me." Merlin is asking feeling Arthur forehead, cheeks, and chest. Anything to tell him what is going on.

  
  
"I just, I love you, _so much_." Arthur voice is breaking and it makes Merlin's heart hurt because it is so raw, so open, and _so Arthur_.

  
  
"I know that, Arthur. I love you too." Merlin says cautiously because he doesn't know what is going on. He has seen Arthur cry before but is _rare_ and far and few in between. "Tell me, what is wrong?"

  
  
"I don't... _ever want to...lose you_." Arthur's heart is racing and he seems breathless.

  
  
"Arthur calm down, breathe, breathe for me, okay. Take a deep breath and release. Can you do that for me a few times please?" Merlin asks calmly palming Arthur's cheeks. Arthur nods in response and begins his breathing while his heart begins to return to a normal pace.

  
  
"Arthur, you are _never_ going to lose me. I love you too much, okay. You are never going to lose me."

  
  
 _"Promise me."_

  
  
"What?"

  
  
"Promise me that you will not leave me." Arthur knows that that may be pushing it but he is _scared_ for some reason, he has been for weeks now, and he needs some reassurance from Merlin to tell him that he is not going to go anywhere.

  
  
Merlin looks Arthur dead in the eyes, almost admiringly, _adoringly,_ there are several thoughts that go through his mind in this moment but love weighs it out before he responds,

  
  
"I promise."

  
  
Arthur pulls Merlin back down towards him for another kiss and this time it is Arthur that is mapping Merlin's mouth with his tongue. Merlin's thrusting has resumed and he has shifted in his angle and is hitting that spot in Arthur over and over. Merlin does not want this to end so as he is jacking Arthur off he is also grabbing the base when he feels Arthur's cock is ready to prevent him from coming. Arthur has no words in response. He is utterly undone. Arthur is _shattered_. He is coming apart at the seams and all he can think about is _Merlin, Merlin, Merlin._   Merlin pulls out and turns Arthur to his side, positions Arthur's legs perfectly and in one full move again is back in Arthur fucking him in earnest. He has one hand on Arthur's shoulder and one on Arthur's hip and he is alternating, hitting Arthur's spot on every other thrust. Arthur is thrusting back and thrusting forwards not sure of where to go between Merlin fucking him and pulling him off at the same time.

  
  
When Arthur attempts to go to his own cock to help the process along for him to come, Merlin taps Arthur's hand away saying,

  
  
"Nah, nah, nah, I will be taking care of that when your really ready." Arthur is speechless. Merlin knows that Arthur needs this and he is _going to give it to him_.

  
  
With that Merlin continues to fuck Arthur. He uses the hand that was on Arthur's cock to rotate twisting Arthur's nipples. He is licking Arthur's spine and going up to bite into Arthur's shoulders. He continues to alternate hitting that spot in Arthur before he takes Arthur's cock in hand again. As he takes Arthur's cock in hand he then begins to hit dead on to that spot jacking Arthur off filthily. Arthur is making incoherent sounds and Merlin is just fucking him like this is the last time they are going to fuck again. It feels _soo good_ Arthur thinks. No one has _ever_ fucked him like this before. Only Merlin. After several more thrusts Merlin begins to come, he flicks his wrist just right on Arthur's cock and he is coming too. Arthur is hoarse, too hoarse to make another sound.

  
  
Merlin uses the last bits of his energy that he has to pull a towel to clean him and Arthur off. He then takes a blanket and places it over them and pulls Arthur closer to him. Arthur rests his head on Merlin's chest and wraps his arms around him. He needs to continue to feel Merlin. Merlin kisses the top of Arthur's head and forehead before saying,

  
  
"I really do love you, Arthur. _Never_ doubt that." Merlin says with such an intensity that it leaves _no room_ for doubt.

  
  
"I love you too, Merlin."

  
  
All energy spent. Merlin and Arthur drift off on the white sand beach.

  
   
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  


* * * Back home * * *

 

* * * Pendragon Associates * * *

  
  
Gwaine, Percival, Lancelot, and Leon were in Morgana's office discussing the situation regarding Merlin, Arthur, and Mordred before Uther came strolling in again for the second time that day.

  
  
"Morgana, I need you to get Arthur on the phone, _now_." Uther demands.

  
  
"That might be difficult father. He only keeps his phone on during certain intervals of the day. I am not expecting him to turn it back on until later this evening."

  
  
Uther is pacing and if there is a look on his face, the look is _fear_. Everyone in the room is tense looking between Morgana and Uther while trying to figure out _what the hell happened_.

  
  
"Find a way, I don't care how. There has got to be other ways. The place they are staying at is sure to have a phone. I don't care if Merlin finds out, this is important." Uther states almost at a yell.

  
  
"Father, what is it? What happened?" Morgana inquires hesitantly

  
  
"It was a few hours since the PI I had following Mordred checked in. I had one of the others on the team retrace his steps to check on him and found.."

  
  
"Found what, father?"

  
  
"He was _murdered_."

  
  
"What, how?" Gwaine interjected in then.

  
  
"Apparently, someone was hiding in the back seat. When he got in the car he didn't stand much of a chance. His throat was slit ear to ear." Uther mouths out disgusted.

  
  
 _"Oh. my. God!"_ Morgana states while immediately sitting in her chair. Leon goes to Morgana to attend to her. Though its not like she fainted or anything.

  
  
"We need to get in touch with Arthur, now." Uther states thunderously while slamming a hand down on Morgana's desk making every one in the room jump.

  
  
"You think he could be headed over to where Merlin and Arthur are don't you." Lancelot looking dead at Uther states, _its not a question._

  
  
"I think he is planning something and I think there lives are in the danger. There is a difference between sending an ex into a coma and _brutally murdering someone_. I don't want to take any chances." Uther responds after rolling his eyes.

  
  
Morgana is already on the phone now trying to contact Arthur on his mobile but is unsuccessful. She has it on redial and is continuing to try and get through. She also got her secretary on it to see if they could find a number for Merlin and Arthur's location.

 

"What are you going to tell them when you speak with them?" Leon asks

  
  
"I'm going to tell them what we know, but not about the murder yet, I don't want them to make careless mistakes or have them freak out. But I am going to tell them enough to have their backsides on a plane and back home. They are not safe where they are right now. They are out in the open with no protection. The PI had information about the direction Merlin and Arthur were taking on their holiday. It would not take much to track down a Pendragon if need be. There are not many of us." Uther responds rubbing his chin.

  
  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
* * * Back in Cancun * * *

  
  
Arthur's phone is on vibrate and is vibrating in his jeans pocket a little ways from him. Merlin and Arthur are still cuddled in each others arms tightly, fully sated, and sleeping away _completely unawares_ of the happenings going on around them.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The information found for the Cancun vacation spot was found here:  
> http://www.forbes.com/2008/12/09/travel-secluded-beaches-forbeslife-cz_pl_1209travel.html
> 
> I did Google searches to look up the exotic fruits and other tourist attractions in Cancun. There was a lot of research done in this chapter. As it will be in the next few chapters as we learn more about Mordred and his Schizophrenia.
> 
> I know this ends with a cliffhanger but I promise you it is necessary. There are a lot of things yet to come and with that cliffhangers will more than likely be a must.
> 
> So tell me, how did you like the chapter? Did you like the vacation spot? Did you like the Merthur moments? Did you like the twist on Mordred's character? As you can see there was not much room for the argument in this chapter but I am sure that you can also see the writing is on the wall. Merlin, has been kept in the dark for far too long.
> 
> I want to hear from you, it helps me do better and inspires me to go that extra mile. So without further ado please, review, review, review.


	17. Actions Have Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur return back from their trip to find out what has been happening at home in their absence.
> 
> Arthur has to tell Merlin the truth about what he has been doing behind his back. How will Merlin respond to these revelations?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again, to all who have taken the time to read, review, give kudos, and have subscribed to this story. It means so much.
> 
> Remember, reviews are like chocolate. Can't have enough of it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.

 

* * * Cancun * * *

  
  
There was a light breeze that flowed across the beach waking Merlin up first and in his movement in turn woke Arthur up as well. The sun was setting for the evening and Merlin and Arthur continued to look in awe at the beautiful surroundings before them. The sky looked just as pure as the sea. There was going to be a full moon that night and with the stars already beginning to show itself shining brightly the whole area was peaceful, serene. The temperature was just right that you could almost sleep out there during the night, though a bed what definitely be the object of choice for Merlin and Arthur.

  
  
Merlin turns over to Arthur straddling him playfully and leaning in for gentle kisses. He lifts up afterwards just enough to maintain eye contact.

  
"Thank you." Merlin states with all of the love he can muster in those two words.

  
  
Arthur is staring at Merlin, mesmerized, but manages to get a grip to respond.

  
  
"You welcome, but what am I saying, you welcome for?" Arthur replies slight grin curling on the left side of his mouth.

  
   
"You know, for bringing me here. This vacation, _everything_ , this is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me."

  
  
"Well, get use to it Emrys, I plan on taking you many more places and spoiling you for the rest of my days." Arthur responds contently, _meaning every word_.

  
  
"I think I would like that."

  
  
"I thought you might." Arthur responds by flipping Merlin over on his back laughing slightly when Merlin goes over giving a manly yelp sound. He rests his arms by Merlin's head but his body is settled on top of Merlin from head to feet, they stare at each other, looking captured and lost in one anothers eyes. Their eyes tell each other,

  
  
_"I love you."_

  
  
_"I love you too."_

  
  
Arthur leans in before claiming Merlin's mouth in a series of possessive kisses. Merlin can feel himself becoming aroused, his cock stirring and filling, his mind almost lost in the kisses and the sensation until he remembers that they were _supposed_ to be heading back inside.

  
  
"If you don't stop we will never make it back in." Merlin states like he really _does_ want Arthur to stop.

  
  
"Oh, we will make it in. What's another hour going to hurt?"

  
  
"Whatever you say but I refuse to fall asleep out here overnight when there is a nice, big, warm bed just waiting for us on the inside."

  
  
"Deal"

  
  
"Deal"

  
  
And the deal was sealed between them.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  


 

* * * Back Home * * *  
 

 

* * * Pendragon Associates * * *

  
  
Morgana has not left her office from the time she arrived that morning. She knows she could go home but she is more than worried about Merlin and Arthur. She does not feel as though she should leave until she has heard from Arthur and knows that they are okay. She just finished her Thai meal as Uther Pendragon pays yet a third visit to her office for the day.

  
  
"Have you heard from them yet" Uther asked, already pacing again before receiving an answer.

  
  
"No, not yet." Morgana was almost afraid to respond but it was the truth.

  
  
" _Dammit_ , why is he not answering his phone calls! I raised you both better than this."

  
  
"Father, this vacation was meant for Merlin and Arthur to have some quiet time, not just to get away from all of this. I told you that Arthur turns his phone on during certain intervals of the day, though he normally would have it on by now. Morgana paused closing her eyes tightly before responding, I am sure that they are okay."

  
  
"They need to be on a plane and on the way home but they cannot get the message unless Arthur _answers_ his bloody phone. Have you tried Merlin's phone yet?"

  
  
"No, Merlin's phone is a last resort. Merlin will instantly know something is wrong and Arthur wants to be the one to discuss these things with him first. Otherwise there is a chance Merlin will feel betrayed by all of this." Morgana replies pinching the bridge of her nose and getting up walking to her office window.

  
  
"Well at least he would be alive." Uther responds to that sharply.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
* * * Back in Cancun * * *

  
  
Slowly but surely Merlin and Arthur began to get dressed, they gathered their basket along with the blankets and towels, and headed back into their little private abode. Not minutes after they entered Arthur's phone began to buzz in his pocket. Arthur did not want to answer it, he did not wish to ruin the moment but when he looked at his phone he saw over a dozen missed calls from Morgana, four from Leon, six from Gwaine, two from his father, and even one from Lancelot. That rung several alarm bells. It was Morgana calling him again now.

  
  
"Morgana, what is it? I am actually kind of busy here." Arthur whispered angrily trying not to get Merlin's attention as he was returning things to the kitchen.

  
  
"Son, we need you and Merlin to get back on the next plane home as soon as possible!" Uther ordered.

  
  
"Father, what's going on?" Arthur responded clearly stumped and now recognizing that he was on speaker.

 

  
"Arthur, we found out some more things about Mordred. He has had a history of abuse and being abusive to others along with being diagnosed with Schizophrenia. We do not think it is safe for you there anymore. We also have reason to believe that your lives can be in danger. You need to come home." Morgana stated.

  
  
"Merlin and I just got here, how am I supposed to explain this to him?! And how do you know that we are not safe? We are in a remote location, Morgana you have to seen to that. And what reasons do you have to believe this?"

  
  
"Arthur those are things that are better left to be discussed once you and Merlin are back. Being where you are does not mean that you are _safe_ Arthur. You are in a remote location, but _without_ protection, that makes you a target, an _easy_ target. We need you to come home." Morgana responds in answer.

  
  
Arthur paused, he was practically whispering on the phone to not bring his conversation to Merlin's attention. He sees him in the kitchen and sighs wondering how is he going to explain this to him in a way that does not sound like he is controlling or that he did not trust Merlin in the first place. And as much as he would like to argue about returning home early he knows that there _must_ be something serious going on if he is being asked to cut his holiday short. Maybe not necessarily from Morgana's standpoint but from his father's would he take the suggestion more seriously. He sounded deeply concerned. More concerned than he has heard from him in a long time. Turning back around while gazing out the window at the clear blue night sky he continues his conversation.

 

  
" _Fine_ , Morgana, work on the flight arrangements for me and call me back with the details as soon as you get it. But at least give us tonight. I have to talk to Merlin, he does not know what is going on and I need the time first to talk to him before we go springing all of this on him once we get home."

  
  
"Alright, but I will get you the earliest flight out as possible in the morning. We can deal with Merlin better once we are all here in one place." Morgana replied sincerely

 

Arthur did not even bother to reply before hanging up, clearly too frustrated to say anymore. He rested his forehead on the windowsill and took three deep breaths.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
"What do you need to talk to me about Arthur?" Merlin asked tensely and Arthur startled turned away from the window quickly staring back at Merlin guilt written all over his handsome face. Arthur doesn't respond right away, he gestures for Merlin to sit on the couch.

  
  
"I _think_ , I think I'll stand, thank you." Merlin replies eyes narrowing clearly suspecting something.

  
  
That raises alarms to Arthur because a standing Merlin during heated discussions can sometimes constitute a flight risk. He knows they have worked out a lot of those issues but this conversation will be on a totally different level.

  
  
"Alright, you mind if I have a drink?"

  
  
Merlin closes his eyes and grimaces before responding, feeling like the bottom is about to fall out for something that is completely beyond his control.

  
  
"By all means, go right ahead." Merlin responds wearily.

  
  
Arthur _knows_ he is being chicken by delaying the inevitable but he loves Merlin so much it _hurts_ , he getting panic attacks at the _thought_ of losing him, he can't lose Merlin and yet he is about to tell him something that some people leave their spouses over. Yes, Arthur _definitely_ needs a drink, maybe two, or three for that matter. Though drinking does not solve the problem, only numbs it temporarily Arthur resolves to himself while pouring himself some Whiskey. Temporary is better that nothing at all Arthur supposes.

  
  
"Arthur?" Merlin breathes out, concerned, worried, and _frustrated_.

  
  
"Merlin, we are going to have to leave to go home in the morning. Cut..cut our trip short."

  
  
"Okay." Merlin replies, clearly wondering why Arthur seems worried about telling him _that._ "That's fine. We didn't really unpack yet anyway so we can be packed out and ready at a moments notice."

  
  
"Good"

  
  
"Arthur, what else is there. I can tell something else is bothering you. It is written all over your face."

  
  
And there Arthur takes a deep breath and another. Man up Pendragon, Arthur is thinking to himself. Arthur has never felt afraid of losing anything in his life. His heart feels like it is beating on overdrive, his palms are sweating, and he feels his mouth is going dry. He is _completely_ out of his element here and at a loss of how to have this conversation. He knows Merlin will not react well and if he does that this _will not_ be the end of the conversation on the matter. Leon was easy, Arthur thought. All Morgana had to do was bat her eyelashes, tell Leon to jump, and he would just say _'How high, my love."_ Merlin loves him but Merlin is most definitely _not_ Leon. Gwaine was right, he should not have kept this information from Merlin.

  
  
"We have reason to believe that your life maybe in danger." Arthur starts off thinking this may be the best way to enter the conversation.

  
  
"Why do you have reason to _believe_ that?"

  
  
"Mordred."

  
  
"What about, Mordred?"

  
  
"We have been doing some investigating..."

  
  
Arthur continued only to be immediately cut off on that word.

  
  
" _Investigating?_ Investigating _Mordred_. Why the hell would you be doing that?" Merlin only yelled the question but his voice returned to normal mid-sentence.

  
  
"Because he has been the one that has been spending a good deal of time with you lately." Arthur answers but immediately realizes his mistake and immediately tenses.

  
  
"Who I have been spending my _time_ with lately? _Investigating_ Mordred? How do you know who I have spending time with lately, Arthur?" Merlin questions hastily.

  
  
"Because my father has been having you followed." Arthur said this sentence in a very barely audible tone.

  
  
"Excuse me, I did not get all of what you said."

  
  
"My father has been having you followed." Arthur answers but keeps his eyes downcast.

  
  
"What the fuck would he being doing that for, Arthur?! Why is he following me? Has he also been investigating me like he is doing with Mordred now?!" And that is a question that Arthur _did not_ want to answer because he knows what will come in response.

  
  
"He investigates everyone who is close to us for a period of time. He began to follow you when it was noted of the time you were spending with Mordred." Arthur responds, he is shaking internally and he feels his limbs are numb.

  
  
"Did you _know_ about this?"

  
  
"I know that it is normal that he does this. He did it to Leon when he and Morgana got serious."

  
  
"When you found out about it though, you didn't call him off though, did you Arthur?" Merlin questions suspiciously as if he is mentally connecting the dots.

  
  
"No, I did not call it off because there were too many red flags that went off where Mordred was concerned and we needed to make sure that you were safe with him. Though my father is finished investigating you otherwise."

  
  
"Nice to know, that." Merlin snapped.

  
  
"Merlin.."

  
  
"What red flags are we talking about here, parking tickets, misdemeanor charges, juvenile history, or something else petty for that matter?" Merlin questioned snidely.

  
  
"A history of mental illness and abusive behavior in relationships along with the the fact that Mordred goes under more than one alias which was basically prevented us at first from finding out his full background information."

  
  
"Yeah, because one _wants_ to have their full background information handed over for public knowledge because their _friend_ has a possessive boyfriend and family that can't _mind their own business_." Merlin replied sharply.

  
  
"Merlin, that's not fair. You know that my family has a lot on the line and while I don't necessarily condone my father's methods one hundred percent of the time, I understand his stance..."

  
  
"You understand his _stance_. You understand his stance on not _trusting_ people, of not _accepting_ people at face value, to trust them until proven untrustworthy?" Merlin cut Arthur off and ranted.

  
  
"I understand his stance on protecting his family. He only continued the in depth research on Mordred after he spoke to me about it first."

  
  
"And that makes this okay, Arthur? That makes _us_ , okay?"

  
  
"Trust in people goes both ways Merlin. If you trust me than you know that I would never do anything that would put you in jeopardy or would hurt you in any way."

  
  
"Quite lot of good you did there isn't it, _that?"_

  
  
"This was not meant to hurt you, Merlin."

  
  
"Oh, and if I failed to pass even one of your father's test, what would have happened then, huh? Would you have questioned me like some common criminal? (Merlin pauses and then after a deep breath asks) Would you have _broken up_ with me?"

  
  
"No." Arthur answered too quickly.

  
  
"I don't believe you, and now I guess we will never know the truth anyway because I _passed_ your so called test afterall!" Merlin snapped and Arthur sighed to himself and swallowed hard. Merlin continued.

  
  
"So, as you said, we need to leave early right. I'll just getting myself together. But know this Arthur Pendragon, this conversation is not over, not even by a long shot."

  
  
Merlin finished and stomped off. It was all that Merlin could do instead of storming out of their little abode and leaving Arthur by himself. He needs to calm down though because if he continued this line of conversation it would have been just that because at the moment there was nothing that Arthur could say that would have been able to justify his actions. Whether some of the information found was warranted or not. To Merlin, Arthur had _no right._

  
  
Arthur watched Merlin stomp off from him and heard doors slamming more than once. He can only assumed that Merlin gathered his things and went into the guest room for the night. He knows this fight is not over. He also knows that Merlin is right in a lot of what he said. Merlin just has a way of dissecting information quickly to get into the heart of the matter. It must be that damn _psychology_ degree! No matter how Arthur attempts to shed light on this Merlin will feel like it was done all in some ploy to find fault in him, to not _trust_ him. Arthur knows it is not all about him, that most of this resistance is due to Merlin's past relationship with Valiant, but it does not make this any easier. Gazing out the window and looking out at the night sky Arthur thinks as beautiful as the weather is at the moment Arthur, has never felt so cold. Arthur slid down the wall by the window to the floor and covered his head in his hands frustrated by it all.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
When people say that it will all be better in the morning. _They lied_. Things _are not_ always better in the morning and Arthur Pendragon has first hand experience of this fact. Merlin still has not spoken to him since they had that dreadful argument the night before. All of his replies are short and sharp and he has avoided being in the same room with Arthur it seems to the best of his capability. If Arthur attempts to talk to him Merlin, immediately leaves. Arthur thinks it could have been worse. Merlin could have pulled a runner on him like before. He may have to be thankful for the small things.

  
  
Though Merlin was not conversing with Arthur he did manage to have himself packed and ready to go when the driver arrived to take them back to the mainland. Merlin remained quiet on the drive, in the airport, and on the plan ride back. It was a lonely flight back. Merlin gave the phrase _'cold shoulder'_ a brand new meaning and Arthur was not liking it one bit. Arthur knew this was his fault this time though. He is really at Merlin's mercy and can only hope that Merlin will not stay mad for long or will at the least, stop this temper tantrum long enough for them to discuss the matter further.  Arthur however was wrong if he thought that Merlin would do that.

  
  
No Merlin still did not come around after the flight, nor did he come around in front of Morgana and Leon when they were picked up at the airport, nor did he come around at home.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
Morgana had a worried expression on her face when her and Leon picked Merlin and Arthur up from the airport. Leon drove while Morgana and Arthur did the talking seeing as Merlin was not one for conversation at the moment.

  
  
"What else have you learned from the last time we spoke about Mordred? When you mentioned a history of abuse and family abuse as well. Not to mention the aliases but what else did he pick up that would make him want Merlin and I to return home so quickly?"

  
  
"One of the investigators who was charged to follow Mordred was found murdered, Arthur."

  
  
"That doesn't necessarily mean it was Mordred, Morgana."

  
  
"I _know_ that Arthur." Morgana snapped. "The problem is he was following Mordred and he was found in his car where someone obviously was waiting for him in his back seat. Arthur, his throat was _slashed_ from ear to ear."

  
  
Arthur was shocked by that and he felt Merlin stiffen even though they were not sitting closely. Merlin was not speaking but he was listening.

  
  
"Where is Mordred now?" Arthur questions.

  
  
"That's another thing Arthur, no one has seen Mordred since this has happened. He has not even reported to work since then. It is liked he has completely disappeared. We have been trying to track places he would go to due to his history we do have and we are trying to find his ex-boyfriend who came to from his coma but has also made himself miraculously disappear as well. Though no one can really blame him. We have everyone on this, Arthur. I can assure you." Morgana replies pushing a hand through her hair out of habit when stressed.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
They make it back to Merlin and Arthur's home and Merlin immediately jumps out of the car ignoring Arthur, Morgana, and Leon's expressions and Morgana's protest, and carries his things inside. They follow him in and he continues to ignore them. He instead grabs his car keys from the hook where he and Arthur keep the keys for the vehicles and home.

  
  
"Merlin where are you going?" Morgana questions.

  
  
Merlin does not respond while gathering a heavier jacket in preparation for a colder climate. Colder in more ways than one.

  
  
"Merlin, _please_ it is not safe." Arthur says pleadingly.

  
  
"I am going to the university. Don't worry so much Arthur." Merlin bites out for spite wanting to hurt Arthur. "I am not _running_ away. You guys said Mordred is gone. Well I am in charge of the psychology department, it is my responsibility to make sure that everything is alright. Now that I am back, I am just going to pop in for a few hours. I need to get out of here." Merlin is talking in circles but it is obvious to all that he is still extremely pissed off.

  
  
"Merlin.."

  
  
"This is not up for option, Arthur. Like so many other of my choices you have freely _taken away_." Merlin says coldly, looking at Arthur, jaw set and eyes closed off. Nothing like the Merlin that Arthur knows so well. Merlin is _hurt_.

  
  
Merlin did not stick around any further for a reply. He gathered his things and slammed the door on the way out.

  
  
"Well, that went splendidly didn't it, my dear little brother?"

  
  
If looks could kill, Morgana would be nothing but ashes at the bottom of Arthur's wood floor.

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not 100% pleased with this chapter. Not even close. I struggled with it because there is so much going on in my head and I've been seeing ahead and not at the chapter in question that I needed to be working on. I am almost done with the next chapter because I know where I want this to go but this chapter is the bridge that brings both chapters together. I hope you understand that. I know that I can tend to ramble on at times. How do you think I did on this chapter? I would like to hear from you and read your comments.
> 
> Next up:
> 
> Mordred makes another appearance and there will be another twist in his character that will shock us all.


	18. Some things are out of our control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur take separate moments to reflect on their issues.
> 
> Arthur and Morgana have a heart-to-heart talk on love, life, and trust.
> 
> Mordred finally makes a move and we finally learn a little bit more about his character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all that have taken the time to review, give kudos, and/or subscribe to this story. It means a lot. I check my email frequently and the comments received truly inspire me to go that extra mile in this fic.
> 
>  
> 
> After reading, please take a moment to share your thoughts. Good or bad, inspiring or not. I would like to know what you think. There is no such thing as too many reviews. Just too little.

 

* * * Arthur and Morgana Have a Heart to Heart * * *

 

_"Merlin.."_

  
  
_"This is not up for option, Arthur. Like so many other of my choices you have freely taken away." Merlin says coldly, looking at Arthur, jaw set and eyes closed off. Nothing like the Merlin that Arthur knows so well. Merlin is hurt._

  
  
_Merlin did not stick around any further for a reply. He gathered his things and slammed the door on the way out._

  
  
_"Well, that went splendidly didn't it dear little brother?"_

  
  
_If looks could kill, Morgana would be nothing but ashes at the bottom of Arthur's wood floor._

  
  
  
"Arthur, you are not going to let Merlin just leave like this are you?" Morgana asks.

 

Arthur stands there in a daze for a moment recalling the last part of his conversation with Merlin before he walked out the door before turning and responding to Morgana's question.

  
  
"What do you expect me to do, you _heard_ him, he doesn't want me to stop him."

  
  
"And your just going to listen to him knowing that this Mordred person is out there?"

  
  
"Morgana, what am I supposed to do, did you not see the look of betrayal on his face directed to me just now..." Arthur glares in Morgana's direction.

  
  
"Arthur it does not matter right now what Merlin thinks, his life could be on the line..."

  
  
Morgana stops short with a jump when a lamp is thrown across the room shattering against the nearest wall. Arthur is flushed red and his hands are shaking as he responds.

  
  
"Do you not think that I _know_ that, Morgana. That I don't know that Merlin's life is on the line. That I don't know that he feels like I don't trust him and feels like I have taken his choices away from him. He is not even _thinking_ about Mordred right now. Don't you see that. All he is thinking about clearly is the way that I hurt him. You were not there last night when I had to tell him what was going on or when he refused to speak with me after telling me exactly how he felt. You were not there for the plane ride, and you certainly did not understand the look on his face just now or you would not be questioning me like this." Arthur states clearly exasperated and aggravated in equal measure before continuing.

  
  
"I know that his life is in danger and I do not plan on leaving him unattended to or unprotected but I refuse to make him feel like I am imprisoning him by forcing him to stay here against his will when it is clear that he does not even want to be in the same room with me or to even look at me right now." Arthur finishes sounding almost hoarse from tears that are threatening to come that he is clearly holding back with all of his strength.

  
  
Morgana finds her eyes watering while responding. "Arthur, I'm sorry, I really am, I am just concerned and worried, about both of you."

  
  
"I know, but right now I need to get on the line with Will and Freya who will either be at the University or somewhere close by to keep track of Merlin and then I am going to get on the line with Gwaine and Percival to see if they can keep watch and protect Merlin just in case something happens. They will have to be incognito right now though because at the moment Merlin feels everything that I am doing is as a direct mistrust of him."

  
  
"I don't believe that Arthur."

  
  
"Morgana, _please_ "

  
  
"Arthur, you may have to try and see things through Merlin's point of view..."

  
  
Arthur cuts Morgana off mid-sentence. "And you don't think I have?"

  
  
Morgana continues as though Arthur did not respond. "I think sometimes Uther raised us to see things differently. Even though our private lives were never private with him. We are not on the side of having our backgrounds checked and our every step being watched. Though I _still believe_ it is necessary, I think it can be thought quite differently if I was the object of that same attention." Morgana continues while Arthur allows it.

  
  
"We have to remember, where Merlin has been, and what he has been through. I think that is the factor that we are missing here. Leon did not like the idea of having his background checked or that he was followed. I heard about it all again that same evening after the meeting we had with father, I am guessing you figured he would never say anything about it, didn't you?"

  
  
"The thought crossed my mind."

 

  
"Mine too." Morgana attempts a smile but it came out as a grimace. "The point is he felt like I did not trust him enough from what I already saw of him, that I did not trust the person that he was at the time, if I had to dig into his past all the same. He questioned my motives and what I would have done if I did find something. Though he did not harp on it, thank all that is holy on that one. We can move past it now because it was so long ago, but I can't imagine the discussion if it came out the way you had to do it now. I can see it a little from Merlin's point of view is all."

  
  
Arthur takes a deep breath before responding. "And you think I haven't considered that? I have. But there is little that I can do about it right now then to attempt to salvage what is left and to pick up the pieces. Merlin would have never even have heard about any of this if there wasn't a red flag where Mordred was concerned."

  
  
"And does that make it better."

  
  
"No, but at the same time, if we did not have this measure in place we would never have discovered that Mordred was a danger in the first place. There are both positives and negatives to this Morgana. Both sides equally warranted. The problem is Merlin rarely attempts to see it from my side."

  
  
"Does that not sound childish. Merlin may have some faults but you are not innocent in this and neither was I when father researched Leon's history. We all have a problem where trust is concerned. Merlin is just the first person who has truly pointed it out to you before and had it actually mean something to you." Morgana responds a little irritated by her brother's answers and thought processes.

  
  
"I get it Morgana. I really do. But now is not the time for this discussion. I can't even process what you are attempting to tell me until I know that Merlin is alright and until I know that Mordred is no longer a threat."

  
  
"Fine. What do you want me to do in the meantime?"

  
  
"I need you to stay on top of those investigators with father. We need to find out where Mordred is or where he could be. Check his bank records, credit card history, telephone records, etc. We also need to find out more about this ex-boyfriend, what exactly did Mordred do to him, and we need to find him fast. I have a bad feeling about this."

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
* * * Merlin's POV * * *

  
  
Merlin has never been so frustrated and angry in his life. Granted, there have been times but knowing that he is so upset with the man he loves in is taking the cake. How could Arthur _not understand_ his feelings. After _everything_ he has been through. All that he had to gain back after he lost it. Valiant stripped it all from him before. His control over his own life, his _thoughts_ , he controlled his fears for _years_ , he took all feelings of trust away. He had _nothing_. It took years to repair and here Arthur thinks it is quite alright to just take it all away again.

  
  
Merlin understands that there is more to this. That Mordred is more to this but still. If Mordred never played a part would Arthur had even been truthful with him? This is not the first time that Arthur has withheld information from him for his own good, as Arthur would seem to think, or his own protection. What else is he hiding from him? Its these questions that is making Merlin so angry and the thoughts that if you love someone you would be truthful with them, honest with them.

  
  
What if Merlin did not pass those tests? Would Arthur had broken up with him? Arthur answered 'no' too easily for Merlin. Would Arthur's father had made Arthur break up with him. Though Arthur claims he has control over his own life it seems his father still has the control. Who is he in this relationship with anyway?

  
  
Merlin, in his anger and his frustration does not notice a car following him three cars down the roadway.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
 

* * * Arthur's POV * * *

  
  
Arthur is numb. He is numb and is completely at a loss of what to do with himself. He managed to get Gwaine and Percival to monitor Merlin's whereabouts and to protect him and he even managed to get in contact with Will and Freya and after a long strenuous conversations with them they both agreed that they would keep an eye out on Merlin. But they _refused_ to spy on him.

  
  
Arthur _understands_ everything that Merlin told him and after processing the words from Morgana with his basically eidetic memory he sees her point of view as well. He never had any intentions of making Merlin feel like he did not trust him. Sometimes he questions every action that he has made in his relationship with Merlin but one thing he _could not_ say was that he did not trust Merlin or that he did not _love_ him. He only questions his actions to ensure that he is doing the right thing by him.

  
  
Yes, he should have thought about Merlin's feelings early on and he did when he made that decision to keep digging but for fear of the consequences he did not tell Merlin what he was doing. One thing he knows for certain without being told, _actions do have consequences and repercussions_. And the results are devastating. In attempting to see this through Merlin's point of view Arthur realizes that maybe he should have been honest with Merlin regarding his own insecurities. His jealously of Mordred was beginning to spin a mind of its own. But every time he thought of the background check and Mordred he was beginning to think that he and Merlin would have to be at an impasse on the issue. Without that knowledge he would have never known that Merlin could possibly be in danger. He would rather have Merlin angry at him than not have Merlin at all. He would rather Merlin leave him if that were the case while leaving would still mean he would be _alive_. Sometimes in a relationship someone has to make the hard choices, and Arthur was willing to stand by this one.

  
Arthur only hopes that Merlin would have more faith in him, more faith in this relationship with him to know that Arthur's motives were indeed true and that there is nothing to fear with him. Arthur decides to clean up and go to work instead of wallowing in self-pity while staying at home.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  


* * * Several Hours Later * * *  


* * * Pendragon Associates * * *

 

Arthur's phone ring, seeing Percival's number on his caller id he immediately answers the call.

  
  
"Percival."

  
  
"Yeah, Arthur we have a problem."

  
  
"What is it? What happened?" Arthur's phone becomes immediately strained.

  
  
"We tried to do everything that we could do." Percival sounds more than frantic on the phone. Which is out of character for him.

  
  
"Percival, what are you talking about, what happened?"

  
  
Gwaine grabs the phone from Percival then not that he is any better at this, but he thinks he maybe able to hold it together a little more while delivering the news.

  
  
"Princess?"

  
  
"Gwaine, what the fuck is going on?!"

  
  
"Arthur, calm down."

  
  
And there goes all of Arthur's alarm bells because he certainly cannot calm down and he immediately rises up from his seat at his desk.

  
  
"Tell.me.what.is.going.on." Arthur states very slowly and coldly.

  
  
"Its Merlin.."

  
  
"I gathered that, what happened?!"

  
  
"Everything was fine, really. Merlin was in meetings. Even Will and Freya were looking after him."

  
  
"I know this Gwaine!"

  
  
"It all happened so fast. Merlin went to his car, some delivery truck pulled up at the same time and blocked his path to us, when the truck drove away Merlin's car was still there but he was gone. We caught another car speeding away. Percival got the license plate number GAH696. We're running it right now."

  
  
There was no response.

  
  
"Arthur?"

  
  
No response

  
  
"Arthur?"

  
  
No response

  
  
"Arthur _talk_ to me."

  
  
Arthur responds clinically, clearly detached and void in tone.

  
  
"Was there anything left at the scene, any signs of struggle, anything that could have been dropped? Was it Mordred?"

  
  
Gwaine pauses, "There is blood on the car door and on the ground." Gwaine can hear Arthur swallow. "We have to look further to see if he was hit by the door or if there could have been an object involved. Merlin's keys are still in the car door, it happened pretty fast from when Merlin attempted to get into his vehicle to... " "But Arthur, it.... it.. was Mordred."

 

All Gwaine could hear for a moment on the other line was a slew of curses. Some of which he did not know was in the Princess' vocabulary.

  
  
"Find out the about the car and what you can and call back me." Arthur did not wait for a reply before hanging up. He eyes stared into nothing for a moment before he cried in a rage clearing this off his desk in a mad haze before going into his office restroom. He looked into the mirror and did not like what he saw. In his continued rage he boxed the glass in. The glass as sturdy and expensive as it was cracked but did not shatter as Arthur's felt like it was doing inside.

  
  
"Get it together." Arthur repeated to himself. "Stay strong, you have to stay strong for Merlin." Arthur kept repeating that to himself as he washed the blood off his hand seeing it go down the drain, clearly surprised nothing was broken in his hand, he washed his face of the tears that fell and was attempting to fall again. He came out of his bathroom just in time to see Morgana coming into his office and taking to the scene of destruction that was there before her.

  
  
She immediately ran to Arthur grabbing him in a tight embrace.

  
  
"Gwaine called me."

  
  
"We have to find him, Morgana." Arthur stated not liking how his voice faltered.

  
  
_"We will."_

 

_"I can't lose him."_

  
  
_"You won't, we'll find him."_

  
  
Taking in Arthur's hand and the blood that started bleeding again it seemed and the fact that Arthur did not notice it. Morgana continues.

  
  
"Come on, let's go get this cleaned up. You will be no help to Merlin like this." She walks back into Arthur's bathroom to get another towel to wrap around Arthur's hand to stop the blood from dripping everywhere. "Let's get you to the office doctor on staff."

  
  
"Okay." Arthur responds void of emotion.

  
  
"I'll also get someone from janitorial to straighten things back up in here for you."

  
  
"Okay." Arthur responds again, void of emotion, numb.  
  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
   
* * * Unknown Location * * *

  
  
Merlin slowly stirred from his unconscious state. His head felt like someone hit him with a hammer. The pain was sharp and stabbing from the back of his head to the front of it. His eyes felt like shard pieces of glass was in it but he knows this is not the case. His head feels soaked but not a soaking from water, he smells dried and wet blood. _A lot of it_ , and expects it is coming from him. Merlin struggles to open his eyes but they are too heavy. He tries to move his limbs but his arms are confined behind his back and his legs feel so numb. So weak. Just those little actions take all of the energy he has left. Before he loses consciousness again he hears someone yelling his name, attempting to revive him.

  
  
This will be to avail, Merlin thinks, if he is unable to revive himself yet. Clearly no one else will able to. Merlin then thinks of Arthur, he _has_ to think of Arthur. Arthur is the only light in this whole situation. The only person that can give him that extra inch, the will that he needs to survive this. If he survives this. The only thing that tarnishes the feeling is knowing that the last time he spoke with Arthur they had an argument. What is that saying, "Be careful of the words you say to someone as it might be your last?" What if that _was_ the last conversation he had with Arthur? And it was wasted in an argument. A fight of wills. It seems so stupid now! Though so important at the time. It feels like it was so long ago. How long has he been out for? Merlin wonders. He can't imagine that it was more than a few hours but who knows, it could be days for all that he can tell. He tries to stir again, he feels some feeling in his toes as he attempts to move them in his shoes. He tries for his eyes again being careful not to look to the direction of what seems like a lamp beside him while at the same time being careful not to stir his attacker too much.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
* * * Pendragon Associates * * *

  
  
Uther Pendragon strolls into Arthur's office where it is clear that Morgana is still consoling him. He also sees Arthur's personal assistant Guinevere DuLac keeping a watchful eye over him as well. This has been a trying day for them all.

  
  
"We have word on the location of Mordred's ex-boyfriend." Uther states calmly as all eyes go in his direction. "His name is Tristan Owens and he has hidden himself away in one of the smaller parts of Essitir under an assumed name. It took a lot of digging but my investigators were able to meet him and question him."

  
  
That gets a rise out of Arthur and he immediately gets up to question his father. "Does he have any idea where Mordred could have taken Merlin?"

  
  
"He does, but there are some other things that you need to know before going out there, Arthur."

  
  
Arthur is clearly not listening, already getting his jacket together, his phone, and any other miscellaneous supplies he needs for the journey.

  
  
"Arthur?"

  
  
"Father, Merlin has been gone for several hours now. Anything could have happened to him. Does this, Tristan...this place is he sure? How does he know for sure?"

  
  
Morgana then adds following as following Arthur's thoughts. "And what are the other things that Arthur needs to know?"

  
  
"Also, what about the license plate, were we able to trace a name and address to the vehicle?" Gwen adds as well.

  
  
Uther, with a memory like Arthur's was able to attempt to answer all of their questions. Though he did not like the answers himself.

  
  
"Tristan.. Tristan knows for sure because he was taken to the same location. Its a location that is owned by Mordred's family. Apparently Mordred was able to get him out in time. He got him far away where he could be taken to get help before he fell into his coma..."

  
  
"I'm confused. If Mordred did this, how did he take him away? Even with schizophrenia, multiple personalities, _whatever_ , I did not think it worked like that." Morgana stated as she is trying to recall things in her mind.

  
  
"It doesn't." Was Uther's only response.

  
  
"What does that mean?!" Arthur and Gwen asked in unison.

  
  
"It means, and this is coming from Tristan. He kept rambling on and on about some curse. About Mordred not having any control of these personalities when they came forth. He stated that when Mordred came back to him and found him in such a state that it gave him the will to fight it off longer before changing again to get him away."

  
  
The room was quiet, everyone at a loss of what to say until after moments of silence Arthur finally speaks while putting things together in his head. "From what you are saying, Mordred does not have any control over what happens when these personalities takeover. Tristan did not use Schizophrenia but a curse as the term of what Mordred has though it could be one in the same. And that it could be anyone of those personalities interchanging with Merlin right now." Arthur states in such a dead calm that it is eery.

  
  
"That is right. Though Tristan stated clearly that it was a curse. Even though Mordred's family history shows Schizophrenia as a diagnosis. He said Mordred managed to explain it to him as he was getting him away. He also stated that Mordred told him never to find him again, to go faraway from him for his own safety. That is why he disappeared when he came too..."

  
  
Morgana cuts Uther off then with more questions. "Curse, as in _magic?_ What did Mordred tell him. Is it enough for us to go on to get to Merlin. Do we have people looking for this location?"

  
  
"We do, and the curse was based on magic, apparently magic is real. At least it was but the curse is still in effect today. A lot of the information is irrelevant to what you need to know but know this, from the sounds of it. It would have been better if he were not even born." (Even Uther hates to say that about another human being but cannot help but think it) "His life was cursed before he was a thought. The personalities were also spawned from the curse as a result of a dreadful deed done by one of Mordred's ancestors hundreds of years ago, possibly thousands. The curse falls to the son of the direct lineage of this ancestor on his twenty-fifth birthday. As you know, Mordred is now twenty-five. He celebrated his birthday about five months ago. From the sounds of it Mordred tried to do everything in his power to change fate but it wasn't enough. He was already with this Tristan and they were fighting it together until the other personalities were able to overpower Mordred's will. Tristan stated." Uther tells clearly out of his depth in this one barely comprehending it himself.

  
  
"So they fought it because there is still some good in him?" Gwen questions.

  
  
"There is, but the bad is clearly overriding the good. Hence, sending Tristan away." Uther responds.

  
  
"The location?" Morgana questions.

  
  
"Its about two hours away. We have to get going." (Uther coming back to the present in his thoughts) "We have to get going, Arthur's right. There isn't much time."

  
  
That comment felt like a knife being plunged into the depth of Arthur's heart. Because to Arthur, Merlin is _everything_ that is good to him in this world and he can't imagine a day without him by his side. Morgana's senses Arthur's distress and agrees with their father.

  
  
"Yes, we need to get going. I will phone Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Lancelot, and Elyan. You have the coordinates I presume?"

  
  
"Yes." Uther replies handing over the information to Morgana. She gets on the phone immediately while hurrying to her office to gather her things. Gwen begins to gather her things as well and Arthur starts in an attempt to stop her but the look that Gwen gives him as in sensing his words stops him immediately having him raise his hands in surrender. She gives him a hug whispering in his ear that they will always be there for each other and that they will get through this.

  
  
With the boys in route and everyone in tow they all leave to go in hopes to find Merlin and find him alive. Though Arthur believes with everything that he has that if Merlin were not, he would know.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter also took a little longer because there were so many pieces of the puzzle that needed to be fitted together. 
> 
> Next up:
> 
> The tags will be edited to reflect the events that will occur within the next chapter or two.
> 
> Arthur and the gang are on a race to save Merlin's life. Will they get there in time? And if they do, what will they find?
> 
> Mordred tells Merlin the story of his life.


	19. A Race Against Time - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang are on the way to way to save Merlin. What will they learn along the way?
> 
> Mordred tells Merlin the story of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tags are being edited to reflect rape. Though this chapter will not reference it in detail, there is still some talk about the subject. And there was some talk earlier in the story in relation to Valiant as well. 
> 
> Thank you to all that have taken the time to review, give Kudos, and to subscribe to this story. These things mean a lot. Hearing from you when you review allows me to know how I am doing by this story and inspires me to do better. 
> 
> The kudos allows me to know that you are enjoying this story as well and that I am doing a good job. This goes the same with the subscriptions. I thank you all for taking the time out to allow me to know how I am doing with this story.

  
* * * Unknown Location * * *

  
  
Mordred, Mordred's voice, that was the voice of the person who kept trying to revive him. Arthur was right. Though if he makes it out of this alive he does not know if he would tell Arthur that. It would make him think that he could continue to be the possessive, jealous, arrogant, prat that he is. But Merlin also knows as much as he says this he knows that Arthur is the most loving, caring, sensitive, gentle, selfless individual that he knows. And yes, he's _still_ a prat. But Arthur is _Merlin's prat_ and he knows it. Merlin's sighs at the thought of everything that is Arthur, of everything that makes him love Arthur so. Because all of those things combined makes the man that he is come together in that unique package that Merlin could not live without even if he tried to. Merlin wants to smile but the gesture hurts his face too much.

  
  
"Merlin"

  
  
No response, just the slightest facial twitch in the corner of Merlin's mouth prompts Mordred to continue.

  
  
"Merlin, I am so sorry."

  
  
Merlin attempts to use his voice but it comes out as raspy. He manages to ask the question that he been stuck in the back of his mind since he came back into a conscious state.

  
  
_"Why?"_

  
  
"It wasn't me, Merlin."

  
  
"What are you on about? I _saw_ you." Merlin whispers

  
  
"It was not me, please Merlin. You have to let me explain. We haven't much time."

  
  
Merlin's jaw set, he suffered through the pain and feels better at the movement. He does not know what Mordred can explain to him that will make this all better. Mordred is talking to him like they are still friends. _Friends_. Well friends don't do this to their friends.

  
  
"Merlin, please, I need you to try to open your eyes. _To move._ We haven't much time. I have a lot to tell you an not enough time. I don't know how long I can hold them off. _Please_ Merlin." Mordred sounds terrified for him.

  
  
Merlin attempts to move more now. He can barely move but at least he still has his mobility in his joints. The damage to his head is another thing. He will have to go to the hospital. If he makes it out of this. Slowly, against his better judgment Merlin opens his eyes. It hurts but he can still see. Mordred looks relieved by the action.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  
* * * Leaving Pendragon Associates * * *

  
  
Uther, Arthur, Morgana, and Gwen leave Pendragon Associates to an unknown location somewhere in Essitir. With Uther driving he continues to answer the questions asked by the others previously back at the office.

  
  
"In regards to the license plate tag that was captured after the abduction, the vehicle was stolen. As far as what was done to Tristan the hospital records show that he was treated for multiple lacerations, head trauma, shock, broken bones mainly in the ribs, wrist, and he had a broken leg."

  
  
"Oh my, God." Gwen breathed out shocked. Hands clinched to her chest.

  
  
"And he was able to survive all of that, no wonder he was in a coma." Morgana equally shocked stated.

  
  
"But you said that Mordred was able to get him out? To get away." Arthur questioned. Not wanting to think about the injuries, afraid that he may find Merlin in the same situation once they get there.

  
  
"Yes." Uther responded. "Apparently, Mordred was able to fight by will alone to stay himself long enough to help Tristan escape. Tristan succumbed to the coma not long afterwards but he was in an out of consciousness long enough to know that Mordred did not want him to come after him again. That he feared for Tristan's life if they were to come in contact with one another again." Uther takes a long breathe and shifts a little in his seat. Arthur immediately picks up on the movement.

  
  
"Father, is something else that you haven't _told_ us?"

  
  
"I don't want to worry you, Arthur not now. There is still too much and I need you to have the right mindset before going into this situation. You don't have to worry about everything now."

  
  
"Father, if there is something else you haven't told us we need to know about it. _Arthur_ , needs to know about it." Morgana interjects.

  
  
Uther still does not reply.

  
  
"Father." Arthur states calmly. "I need to know, _please_."

  
  
"In addition to everything else that Tristan suffered and was treated for he was also treated for being a rape victim." Uther replied in a detached tone.

  
  
There was silence for the next several minutes of the journey.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________   
  


* * * In Route * * *

  
  
"Any more word from Morgana?" Gwaine looked to Leon's direction.

  
  
They all managed to meet up with the coordinates that were sent out. It was a depressing journey. Lancelot and Elyan were with Uther's investigators at the time when they were questioning Tristan. They paused in conversation to take a much needed break and to fuel up for the journey to the unknown location on the map. Unknown as the town or place has not been a reference spot in a long time as no one has lived in that part of the land since, well no one knows.

  
  
"Nothing new." Leon waited before everyone else was able to load and buckle up before saying more. "Apparently, Mordred has Merlin held up in that unknown location on the map. And based on what Lancelot and Elyan has shared I'm inclined to agree with them.

  
  
"Why is it considered unknown, there has to be some name for it?" Percival questioned.

  
  
"Apparently no one has lived there in over hundreds of years. Nothing grows there, no vegetation, no animal life, the territory is literally dead. Like something very intense happened there and the land cried out in revenge somehow." Lancelot replied in an eery tone while contemplating his own thoughts.

  
  
"You mean like the curse Tristan told us about." Elyan answers the part that Lancelot wanted to forget.

  
  
Lancelot grimaces but responds, "Like the curse."

  
  
"What _exactly_ , is this curse?" Gwaine catching the feeling from the two that this was not a discussion that they wanted to enter questioned anyway.

  
  
"Tristan and Mordred did a lot of research to see if there was a way to change fate basically for Mordred. Mordred knew the information that was passed down but he was trying to find out more by the source..." Lancelot began before Elyan jumped in. It was downright scary how they were jumping into each others thoughts on this one.

  
  
"A descendant from Mordred's line did a crime in the same location we are going to. A great wrong. Though I have to say that there was more to that..." Elyan in the middle of commenting before Lancelot jumped back in again.

  
  
"I'll say. This it it. He was involved with one of the village girls. He did not know that she was intended to marry a nobleman. And apparently she did not feel the need to tell him. They fell in love. When caught the village burned her at the stake because they did not want to suffer the wrath from her being one of them. When he discovered what was happening it was too late.." Lancelot paused before Elyan continued. Percival, Leon, and Gwaine didn't care who told the story as long as they _got_ the story.

  
  
"The townspeople attempted to go after him but he was in such a rage of fury that he attacked them and slaughtered a good chunk of them before the remaining group that attacked him scurried away..."

  
  
"What does that have to do with a curse?" Leon asks.

  
  
"We're getting to that, Elyan, what was his name again?" Lancelot turns to Elyan.

  
  
"Kanen, Kanen Masterson." Elyan answered after contemplation.

  
  
"Right, _Kanen_. Okay, while Kanen killed many in this town. He happened to kill the husband of a witch, though some would call her a gypsy. In her grief, she cursed Kanen to a lifetime of torture. That's where the curse comes in."

  
  
"Okay, though I am intrigued by all of this, and I definitely want to resume this conversation later, we're getting close and we need to prepare. Is there anything that Tristan said that will help us once we get there? What exactly happened to him?" Leon questions and as much as he does not want to admit it this even to himself, he is a little spooked by the story that he just heard. There is a difference between hearing a story and knowing something is very real.

  
  
"He said that the cabin there has a cellar. That is where he was kept. The cellar was closed off from the outside somehow and made inaccessible. The only way in to the cellar is from the inside and the only way out once in the cellar is by some keypad sequence of codes. The only people to know the codes are Mordred, Cenred, and Cornelius, which all three though different are all technically one in the same..." Lancelot responds but could not continue as Gwaine interrupts to question.

  
  
"What do you _mean_ different but _technically_ one in the same. How can they all be one in the same when they each have three different personalities?" Gwaine asks but he is basically questioning aloud because he is confused.

  
  
"The curse brings about the things that were most in Kanen's heart. Lust and Hatred. Kanen also had a gentle spirit. Those actions sparked the curse and those actions birthed the personalities." Elyan answered.

  
  
"I still don't understand. I am getting it but, never mind. (Percival shakes the thoughts away) "What did.. let's just leave it at Mordred for a minute. What did Mordred do to Tristan?" Percival questioned. All of the men seem out of sorts while mentally preparing during the drive. This isn't something that they thought they would ever have to go against.

  
  
"Tristan had multiple wounds, lacerations, broken bones, he had a concussion. He was also raped.." Lancelot answered before being cut off by Gwaine.

  
  
" _Fuck_ , we have to get there in time! Arthur, Merlin, _Merlin_ for that matter. I cannot even _think_ what he is going through right now!"

  
  
There was silence for a little while as they journeyed keeping their own thoughts and fears to themselves.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  

  
* * * Unknown location * * *

  
  
"Merlin, we don't have much time. I can only hope that the others will get to you on time before I lose control again. I know that they will not give up before they find you" Mordred states speaking in a perfectly calm tone as he attempts to keep his emotions reeled in.

  
  
"I don't understand." Merlin breathes out confused. "Why can't you just let me go?"

  
  
"If I attempt to let you go they _will know_. I tried to keep you out of my mind Merlin and they _still knew_. Tried not to have feelings for you beyond friendship."

  
  
"Mordred, we are _only_ friends."

  
  
"It doesn't mean that I didn't want more, Merlin!" Mordred yelled but brought his voice back down quickly. "It doesn't _mean_ that I did not feel anything for you, and it means that they picked up on it. Its the only reason to explain for why we are here." Mordred finished in a completely defeated tone.

  
  
"I still don't understand."

  
  
"Your not going to fully understand unless you allow me to explain. The only thing that I ask if that you try your best to let me get this all out. You need to be prepared in case I can't hold on. This is important Merlin!"

  
  
Merlin is _terrified_. And for good reason. He stares at Mordred for a few moments though it feels like minutes before he responds in the form of a nod in approval.

  
  
"Do you remember when I told you that I came here as a result over a bad break up? I said I wanted to start off fresh?"

  
  
"Yes."

  
  
"Well, that is partially true. I came here after I basically almost killed my boyfriend. (Merlin sucks in a breath) It was not _intentional_. Not by _me_ anyways. (Mordred swallows hard) I loved him. I _still_ do. I sent him away to protect him from me and I came to Camelot to give myself a new start. To get away as best as I could. To _try_ and live my life in peace. To try and keep myself calm and centered. To fight away the others." Mordred seems to be looking at a space somewhere above Merlin's shoulder but his eyes seem to have a void in them. Merlin is able to feel the hurt radiating from Mordred. Mordred takes a deep breath before continuing.

  
  
"The only way for you to understand is if I start at the beginning, yeah?"

  
  
"Okay."

  
  
"It started with my great, great, I don't even know how greats grandfather. He was twenty-five years old at the time. He had a forbidden romance with the future wife of a noblewoman. Merlin, you have to understand, in those days it is not like our generation where people cheat, lie, and steal all the time and they still have some level of respect. Those days were about honor, chivalry, and nobility. That was how one measured a man and even a woman to some degree. Kanen, was his name. He did not know that she was betrothed. They fell in love _anyway_. They were going to run away together. Until they were caught. She was beaten and dragged out in mockery in the middle of the town to be killed before all. _Burned_ at the stake."

  
  
"Kanen was subdued, he was also beaten and knocked out. By the time he came to he was too late to save her." (Mordred continued, eyes icy cold, with a faraway look) "When he came to he tried all he could do. Like I said, it was too late. The townspeople turned on him next as if to give him the same fate. He fought, he subdued weapons, he used swords and rifles. He attacked in his rage and killed as many that came at him until the others fled in fear. In his state he did not know that someone was coming behind him until it was too late." Mordred swallows hard before taking a deep breath and continuing.

  
  
"She, she was also in a rage from what she saw. Shocked. She saw her husband dead before her and immobilized Kanen. She, she was a witch Merlin. Though some would call her a gypsy. They seem similar to me but I know that they are different. She told Kanen that he had evil in his heart if he did the things that he did and that he and his descendants would pay for the deed that was done. That they would never forget it. That the curse would fall to the oldest male linked to him in each generation until there were no more. That the curse would act in the same year that he was in now and at the age of her husband. He was twenty-five at the time and the curse was born in him that same year. This is where we are Merlin. This, this cabin. This cabin was built in the same town and in the same place that the curse was born in." Mordred closes his eyes hard and takes a deep breath.

  
  
Merlin, at a loss of what to do. Not to sure to comfort Mordred or to hate him for putting him in this situation questions.

  
  
"What does this curse _do_?"

  
  
"He was cursed to live with multiple personalities based on the desires of his heart. Lust, hatred/rage, and a gentle heart. She left the gentleness because she stated that she still saw some good in him. The oldest male of his direct lineage, once he reaches the age of 25 on his birthday would activate the curse in him. Not knowing Kanen was also twenty-five at the time the gypsy stated that the age was the age her husband was taken away from her. This illness is meant to drive a man mad, to do the ultimate crimes of the mind and driving one to the brink of insanity. A pain _worse_ than death."

  
  
"I tried to fight it. I had awareness of the curse, Tristan helped me with the research. When it started, I didn't know what was happening at first. I would find myself in remote locations, sometimes bloodied, sometimes reaking of sex, and sometimes I would find myself in bed with someone I didn't know. I learned about the curse but I never really believed it, though I couldn't ignore the history. I could not help but prepare myself. When my father died young, I understand why now. We were estranged so I did not learn as much from him though I doubt he would have been able to tell me, to prepare me for all of this anyway. I majored in psychology to learn more about the human mind. I consulted gypsies, soothsayers, you name it. There is no reverse."

  
  
Merlin was beginning to see that there may not be a way out for him. If what Mordred is telling him is true and he _knew_ in his heart that it was it was only a matter of time before these, _other_ personalities were made known to him. Merlin shivered by that thought alone.

  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  

  
 * * * In Route * * *

  
  
"How much longer?" Arthur questioned.

  
  
"Probably an hour and fifteen minutes give or take, if the coordinates are correct." Uther answers.

  
  
"I just got a text from Gwaine. They are about the same distance away." Morgana states.

  
  
 _"Dammit!"_ Arthur yells hitting the dashboard while making three other people flinch. "We have to get there in time."

  
  
"Arthur, we are all trying to get there as fast as we can." Morgana states while lightly touching Arthur's shoulder. "But you Arthur. You have to keep it together, for Merlin's sake. We also need to be prepared for what we are getting ourselves into."

  
  
"Morgana's right, Arthur. I know this is taking a lot of you but you are going to have to be strong. No matter how Mordred seems, this is a man that can become extremely dangerous and at a moments notice. It wouldn't due not to remember that." Uther advises calmly.

  
  
"Are we to involve the police?" Arthur questioned but deep down already knows the answer.

  
  
"We will involve them when the matter is settled. Though depending on the situation there may be a need for medical staff." Uther replies solemnly knowing how Arthur will take the last part.

  
  
Arthur takes a deep breath. He is falling apart inside. It seems that all Arthur can think about now is that argument that he and Merlin had and then when he is not thinking about that he thinks about the time they made love in Cancun on the beach. Arthur feels like he is being torn apart and has no idea how to bring himself back together again without Merlin there, _by his side_.  He can't _lose_ him! Damn Mordred for what he has done! He _wants_ to hate Mordred, he _wants_ to pity him, but the fact of the matter is he has no emotions for Mordred at all right now. Mordred has Merlin and Merlin is all that Arthur is caring about at the moment. What will he do if something happens to him? Arthur does not think that he could go on.

  
  
Arthur has no idea what they will find when they get to Merlin. Merlin could be.., Arthur doesn't even want to think of Merlin being dead, of being raped, or beaten to the brink of death. Merlin, so beautiful, so giving, so full of love even through the things he has been through. Merlin does not deserve any of this. Arthur wishes he had telepathy to reach out in his mind and tell Merlin to be strong, to tell him how much he is loved, and to tell him to not give up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like this chapter? Tell me what you think!
> 
> Next up:
> 
> Mordred continues to share his story with Merlin. 
> 
> The gang continues to race against the clock in hopes to get to Merlin in time. What will they find?
> 
> Things go from bad to worse for Merlin.
> 
> Please review, tell me how I am doing! Thank you in advance.


	20. A Race Against Time - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred finishes his story and prepares Merlin for the worse. The gang is still in route and there is a whole rush of emotions going on all around. The one question that continues to linger for them all. Will they get there in time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I have been late with this update. I try my best to give myself no more than three days between updates but on Sunday I started feeling really ill. I suffer from rheumatoid arthritis which means I deal with pain constantly so I assumed it was more pain and just dealt with it. I was in and out of consciousness for most of it though and by the end I was not able to even swallow my own saliva without pain. When I was not able to tell the day from the night my family intervened and I was in the emergency room last night. They gave me a shot and medication. The most common thought was tonsillitis which is could be as I have also dealt with strep and mono for what feels like my entire life and RA seems to magnify any sign of pain to make it worse. With that being said, I could not concentrate on reading or writing long enough to do anything. And the one thing that I did not want to do was just type out anything and call it a chapter. Not to mention this is an important chapter. Each time I attempted anything I feel asleep. I just started back during the early morning hours. So please forgive me for being late with this update. I hope you enjoy the chapter.
> 
> And as always, thank you to all that have taken the time to give reviews, give kudos, and/or subscribed to this story. It means more than you could ever know to me. And it gives me the encouragement to work harder each time and to attempt to think without limits.

 

* * * In Route * * *  
  
  
"How much longer do we have?" Arthur asked almost out of habit. He was going numb _again_.

  
"15 minutes before the last time that you asked Arthur. We have another hour left to go. I am going as fast as I can." Uther responded irritatingly though he knew that Arthur was acting out of fear and frustration.  
  
  
Arthur closed his eyes and tried to think about better things. He remembered the morning after his romantic evening of _s_ _ur_ _prises_ for Merlin. He remembered how Merlin woke up first the next morning and kissed him gently into wakefulness and how Merlin made love to him with a joy that could only show Arthur how much he loved him. It was even more than _words_ could ever show. It made Arthur's heart _ache_ to think about it, while yet at the same time, brought him comfort of seeing that spark in Merlin's eyes. That light, that passion, that look that Merlin only reserved for him.

  
Arthur thought about another time too when Merlin was trying to make a Chicken Parmesan dish and somehow managed to burn it. Arthur teased Merlin endlessly and Merlin turned the sprayer on in the sink and turned it full-blast, cold-water and all in Arthur's direction. Arthur gave a manly shriek in full shock before lunging himself at Merlin. He tickled Merlin until Merlin had tears falling freely from his eyes and Arthur made Merlin _beg_ for forgiveness. After he did Arthur then made Merlin beg him for _mercy_ as he fucked him without mercy on the kitchen floor.

  
Arthur felt his eyes stinging with the beginning of an onslaught of tears that were sure to come. The question was not if but when? The answer in Arthur's mind was _not now_. He had to hold it together. He had to be strong for Merlin. There was nothing more important to him at this moment than that. He felt such a surge of protectiveness for Merlin. Arthur always knew that Merlin was the one, had known for a long time now, but after these events he never thought with such a tenacity how much he wanted to make that official anyway that he could. By marking Merlin, by marrying him, by fucking him even harder, by keeping him at home safe and sound, by...he didn't even know how. All he knew is that he wanted Merlin safe, sound, protected, and _his_ and that was all there was to it.  
  
  
Arthur _barely_ heard the other bits of conversation in the background but he tried to pay attention in an effort to not to think about anything negative like _Mordred_.  
  
  
"Gwen, you know you didn't have to come, we would have understood." Morgana said assuredly.  
  
  
"You would have understood, I know. But we have been friends forever. All of us. And Merlin is one of the sweetest men that I know. He the godfather of my children for God's sake. I have to be there for him and for Arthur." (Gwen voice goes low and Arthur tenses for a moment pretending not to listen) "Besides, we don't know what we are going to find. And if what everyone is suspecting is the case it may be best to have more women on board if you know what I mean." Gwen eyes glisten but she sounds determined.

  
Arthur's heart tightened with the thought, even the _hint_ of Merlin being raped. Merlin is _his_. He could not imagine, not even fathom it, the thought of Merlin being raped. Merlin has been through enough. He doesn't deserve this. _Any o_ _f it!_ Why did it have to be him?! Why does this happen to him when all he does is give his best to other people? Morgana most have sensed his inner turmoil because her response headed towards a change of subject. Sometimes he didn't like their twin vibes but today was not one of those days.

  
"I know. I really hope it doesn't come to that though." Morgana tone sounds thick before she attempts to move on to a lighter subject. "So, who did you rope into taking care of my godchildren this evening?"

  
"I did most certainly not rope. My children are angels did you not know?" (Gwen says with the complete tone of a mixture of innocence and insult, that only she can pull off) "Besides, Elena found out the update of what was going on and sacrificed herself to stay behind. She knew that we all could not be there and she figured I would be more suitable to help in this situation. Given some of the _past_ events." Gwen's voice got softer and lower at the last sentence but it was not enough for Arthur not to hear and despite the amount of fight he had in him to prevent himself from crying he still felt a traitorous tear fall from his face. He wiped it away furiously and willed himself to not allow any more to fall.

  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

  
* * * Morgana's POV * * *

 

Morgana was at a loss. For the first time in _ever_ , she did not know what to say to Arthur to make it all _better_. She could feel his emotions radiating off of him. She could see the tenseness in his shoulders and she could see from his profile that he was willing himself not to cry. Not many people would be able to pick that out. In fact, she doesn't think anybody else could with the exception of herself and Merlin. Herself because she has known Arthur all of her life and they are twins, and not just any twins, they are _close_ twins. And Merlin, because Merlin makes it his _business_ to know someone that cares about inside and out and he _loves_ Arthur. He would have made it his business to know Arthur's moods, his gestures, his tentative reactions, and his body language just so he could call Arthur on his shit and just so he wouldn't be caught in the dark. Merlin _did not lik_ _e secrets_. Arthur could be a walking secret at times, a closed book, and Merlin would make it his business to open it, unlock the door to it, and throw away the key. Though Arthur had no problem opening himself up like a book for Merlin. There were no surgical scissors, no torture of any kind, and no form of hypnotism required for that. Even when Arthur wanted to hold back, when Merlin called him on it, he could not hold back or hide anything from Merlin. He loved him too much to hold back when Merlin called him on anything and deep down Morgana knew that Arthur _feared_ that he would lose him if he did so.

  
 _M_ _agic._ Morgana always heard about magic growing up and also being a big Arthurian Legend buff. Not to mention the coincidence of their names. Morgana never thought it was a coincidence and she is thinking it even _less and less_ now knowing that magic is real. It seems like everything that was a story that they heard about when they were children was practically coming to life now. Will they have to deal with magic too once they get to Merlin? Will they have to deal with Gwen's fears of Merlin being raped? Oh, she really hopes that Merlin will not be raped. That they can get to him on time. She remembers finding Merlin all too well. A broken shell of the lighthearted, sparkling eyed, pale-face, adorable creature, that he once was. It took a collective effort, a _long_ collective effort to get Merlin to half of that person that he once was. It took _Arthur_ to do the rest.

  
Merlin is a lot stronger than he used to be. A lot more determined. Morgana does not want to see that broken look on Merlin's face again but if she does she vows that she will be there for him and for Arthur. As she knows that everyone else will do the same too.

  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"How much longer do we have before we arrive, Father?" Arthur asked again and Uther sighed thinking this is going to be even a longer ride then the two hours that it actually takes to get to this unknown location.

  
"45 minutes left, Arthur."  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
* * * Unknown Location * * *  
  
  
"Merlin, when I told you there wasn't a lot of time. I _meant_ it. Sometimes the change can be by my emotions, by my _weaknesses_ , or things I may not be able to deal with. I need to prepare you for that. I know that Arthur has been checking my background and no doubt has an idea of where you are right now. I can only hope that he can get to you in time."

  
Merlin cringed. This is _crazy on top of a whole other level of crazy_! Except for Mordred _isn't_ crazy, _not really_ , but is some freak nature of circumstance that doesn't have anything to do with him. Cursed for actions that occurred long before he was even thought of coming into being. _It wasn't fair!_

  
"Is there some way to break the curse?" Merlin asks preparing himself for the worse only to find out there are far worse things.

  
"I _tried_...I tried hard and I was diligent. I studied it, consulted witches, tarot readers, soothsayers, what have you. All _elements_ that made the curse would have to come together just as the original." Mordred looks like the weight of the world is upon his shoulders and Merlin guesses that _it is_. Mordred continues.

  
"This is the location, the source of where the spell took place. That is why nothing grows here. You haven't seen the surroundings and you don't want to. It is dreary and very _depressing_ , almost ghostly. The grass is brown and in many spots there is no grass at all. The water source that goes through the town has back channeled. They call it a phenomenon. But I know now that it is the curse. It is so creepy around here that no one dares to investigate why things are the way that they are. Or they have investigated and out of fear and belief have left this place the way it is. This location is an element of the spell as well. The land cries out in rebellion for the great wrong that was done. The curse of my family line is a strong curse. The _darkest of magic_ was used I am told. To curse someone that far in the future, not just one individual, but several carrying to the same tortured spirits goes in the complete opposite of nature. It went _against_ the laws of magic itself."

  
Merlin feels a chill going down his spine. He can't help it because even though Mordred is being nice to him, all he can see is he is here against his will, and is basically waiting for these other personalities to make an appearance. Merlin's a sitting duck!

  
Merlin, continues as he focuses on helping to keep Mordred's emotions reeled in. "There are _laws_ , for magic?"

  
"There are laws for just about everything, Merlin. An accountability level for all to follow. Magic running a muck would not be good for anyone. Imagine would it would be like if someone set a forest ablaze with no fireman in sight to come along to put it out. The fire would continue to grow uncontrollably until it devours everything within its reach. Magic can do similar if left unchecked. Nature and the Gods itself would _demand_ recompense. In fact they already are, the earth here, this place, you can feel it. Feel it your bones that something is _not right_. When I did the research for the curse I learned that that the Gods stripped away the gypsy's power for casting that spell. Her descendants were no longer born with magic either as a result. A balance had to be restored but it would still not be enough for all that was done that day and the days thereafter." Mordred continues with another faraway look.

  
"I am born with latent magic as the curse is a part of me, but I also have to have a witch. A witch of the same blood line that cursed my family. You see, all elements of the spell have to be brought together again in order to reverse it. A balance again being taken into accountability. I also couldn't help think about it when hearing about the gypsy being stripped of her magic that it was also another part of the balance as my family line was not born with magic in the first place so I have been told. The laws of magic was at it again."

  
"Accountability, it leaves you no chance to redeem yourself, Mordred." Merlin reponds testily hating this _defeated_ Mordred and wanting to see the fight in him return but continues. "Do you know who the witch was?"

  
"I was able to find the name. Madeline Hengist, Though the last of her descendants died out over fifty years ago. There is no one remaining to break the curse even if they had magic. There are other witches out there but the curse is so strong it can only be reversed by the same dark magic used. The laws of magic will accept nothing less for the damage inflicted upon the land. There is no reversal now. The curse itself is also stronger now as I am the last male to have been born in my direct family line. As I have no children and am not planning on having any the curse will _die with me_."

  
" _Mordred_ \--"

  
"I've considered committing suicide, you know. _Had in fact even_ , but it never _works_. Apparently the magic inside me protects me from using that as a measure. I have to die naturally like any other man. Its the ultimate punishment to ensure that the curse lives out and that each descendant feels the true wrath for the past deeds done. Nothing _unnatural_ can kill me from what I have read and have been told. I might feel the pain but I will also heal leaving the doctor's to wonder of the miracle later. If it is an _attempt_ on my part something always seems to get in the way, or Cornelius or Cenred takeover as some _preventive measure_ that I am not aware of."  
  
   
________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
* * * In Route * * *

  
"Do we have a plan on what we are going to do once we get there?" Percival asks hesitantly.

  
"I have a plan, we get in, take that son of a bitch out, and take Merlin wherever he needs to be taken to make sure that he is alright." Gwaine says with a coldness that brings chills to the others.

  
"I don't think the intention is to _kill_ Mordred..." Leon states before he is cut off by Gwaine.

  
"And why the fuck not! We can't _save him_. He may come at Merlin again for all that we know. How can we risk that?!"

  
"Because we don't know that for certain and Mordred is not evil. He is as much of a victim as Merlin is if not even more.."

  
"Bullshit..." Gwaine cuts in again. He is pissed off, angry, and hurt.

  
"Gwaine..." Lancelot cuts in but is also cut off by Gwaine.

  
"Don't Gwaine me, I am only saying the things that you all are _thinking_ and don't have the balls to say! What's to stop him from doing this again or from doing this to _some_ _body else?!"_

  
No one could answer that question. Not _honestly_ and that brought about another round of silence.

  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
* * * Gwaine's POV * * *  
  
  
Gwaine remembers like it was yesterday dealing with Merlin after he was raped by Valiant. If it wasn't Morgana taken care of him he _v_ _olunte_ _ered_. If it wasn't him it was Gwen. He felt drawn to Merlin for some reason. Protective of him even. Merlin had been through so much and he was one of the sweetest guys that Gwaine had ever met. He felt happy for Merlin when Merlin and Arthur's paths crossed. He was a little weary at first knowing how far Merlin had come and how closed off Arthur could be.

  
Arthur could also be one of the sweetest guys that one could ever meet too but he _personally_ closed himself off so that people would not know that side of himself. He didn't _want_ to get hurt. He also did not want to get into it with his father which was another battle altogether, though Uther seemed to be coming around. Gwaine thinks, if anyone could make that happen it would definitely be Merlin.

  
But when you see Merlin and Arthur together. When you see them look at one another, look at them touch the other. Its electric, its like _magic._ And not that clusterfuck magic that they're talking about now. But the storybook magic of _love and happ_ _ily ever_ _afters_. That kind of love and no one deserves it more than Merlin and Arthur for everything that they have been through. Gwaine's heart tightens, his stomach clinches, and he has a fierce desire to punch something but he holds it in. He has to stay strong. He doesn't know what they are going to find.  


_____________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
* * * Unknown Location * * *  
  
  
"Arthur says you have Schizophrenia, that's what is on record for you." Merlin comments.

  
"That has been on record for a while. Most of my family had lived in denial of this curse, though the proof was there for all to see. The names, the deaths, this _place_. It all leads back to this place. This cabin was built in the same place where the curse took place and it all leads back here for the same reason. We're drawn to it. Though I notice it only leads back when there are feelings involved. (Mordred pauses and takes a deep breath before continuing) I am so sorry I have done this to you Merlin. I never wanted to see you hurt, I should have stayed away from you but I was drawn to you anyway." Mordred tells Merlin, his expression is deep and his body movements show trembling for a moment.

  
"I'm sorry too. And even though you are doing this I still feel for you, this is not a life that you asked for. Not a life that you would have chosen for yourself. Nor a life that you _des_ _erve_ to have! I always thought that my life was so difficult, I've been through things that many can only fathom but it pales in comparison to you." Merlin responds truthfully.

  
Merlin had been attempting to break free from the ropes tied behind his back secretly. He managed to unhook the pocket knife looped around his belt buckle but concealed in his back pocket. He always kept it with him for protection. A little safety net that he never let go of after Valiant. Now he is glad that he hadn't. He is sticking himself too but he does not care. He is trying to break free. Shredding the ropes piece by piece and praying that Mordred does not notice.  
  
  
"I don't know how I brought you here Merlin but I know that I cannot let you leave. I am not strong enough and I cannot tell you which personality will come out next though by the way I feel about you I think it could be Cenred. But if it is a sense of self preservation, Cornelius is stronger than all of us, _he will surface_. I have tried to be stronger but I am not strong enough to fight off the others indefinitely. They have been part of the curse since its conception. They are a lot stronger than I could ever be. I can only try to hold them off for as long as I can." Mordred states and it is obvious that he is _scared_ _for Merlin, scared of what will come, scared of what he cannot control, and scared of what he may see when he comes back to again._

  
Merlin is frightened. Frightened more so than he has ever been in his entire life! And given that he has been with Valiant, that is saying something! It sounds like he is in a race against time and its a race that he is sure to lose from what he is gathering from Mordred. Mordred only hopes that they will get here in time. He is not sure of it, _not even close!_ And Mordred has been growing more distant and has been trembling more by the second. If there is anything that signifies _change_ Merlin thinks this must be it but he doesn't know what to expect and Mordred said he phases out meaning he doesn't know either.

  
The only thing that Merlin can think about at this moment is Arthur. If he ever gets out of this situation. If somehow the Gods see fit to let that happen he is _never letting that man go_. He loves Arthur with _everything_ inside of him. You never really know how much you love someone until things slip from your reach. Merlin just hopes that he will be strong enough, _tough enough_ to deal with the things that are doomed to come next. He knows himself, he _knows_ he shuts himself off, and not always voluntarily. He can only hope to find his way back if the road gets to rough. He could only hope that Arthur won't _give up on him!_

  
He looks up just in time to see another change in Mordred, the distance is still there but instead of the trembling Mordred is shaking violently. Merlin is able to tell that Mordred is still trying to fight it. That he is _willing himself_ to fight it but it does not look like a battle that Mordred is going to win. Mordred is weeping now, he's scared and not for himself but for _Merlin_. He tries to move away from Merlin as far as possible. He starts pulling his hair to keep himself in control and Merlin can see the chunks in Mordred's hands. Mordred screams to the top of his lungs before collapsing on the floor. And in that instant, a few heartbeats later that feels like hours but is only seconds Mordred gets up and by the look on Mordred's face he knows that it is not him. Merlin only guesses but he knows in his heart that he is right.

  
"Hello _Cedric_." Merlin says resignedly

  
Cedric eyes Merlin then, raking Merlin's body over up and down with his eyes. His eyes are full of lust. He licks his lips like Merlin is going to be his favorite lollipop that he plans to lick over and over again before he replies. "Hello _Merlin_."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you enjoy this chapter? I want to here from you! Tell me what you think!
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> The time is up, the gang finds the cabin, they also find things that they do not want to find and the possibility of things they feared they would find. But even in the darkness, can there be a saving grace?
> 
> I edited the tags, I am new at that since this is my first story here. If I am missing some things please feel free to tell me.


	21. A Race Against Time - Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go from bad to worse for Merlin.  
> The gang makes plans for what to do once they arrive.  
> The gang also questions whether or not to kill Mordred?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should not have spoken too soon. I am still not even close to 100% and I feel like crap again. To be honest, I thought I was doing better though. I was so easily deceived.
> 
> I am sorry for the delay but this was another important chapter and I had to do it right. Well, as right as I could do it anyway.
> 
> Thank you to all that have taken the time to review, give kudos, and to subscribe to this story. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. It means a lot. It also inspires me to do better and to work a little harder. And to proofread a whole lot more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
_* * * Unknown Location * * *_   
  
  
_He looks up just in time to see another change in Mordred, the distance is still there but instead of the trembling Mordred is shaking violently. Merlin can tell that Mordred is still trying to fight it. That he is willing himself to fight it but it does not look like a battle that Mordred is going to win. Mordred is weeping now, he's scared and not for himself but for Merlin. He tries to move away from Merlin as far as possible. He starts pulling his hair to keep himself in control and Merlin can see the chunks in Mordred's hands. Mordred screams to the top of his lungs collapsing on the floor. And in that instant, a few heartbeats later Mordred gets up and by the look on Mordred's face he knows that it is not him. Merlin only guesses but he knows in his heart that he is right._

_  
"Hello_ Cedric _." Merlin says resignedly_

_  
Cedric eyes Merlin then, raking Merlin's body over up and down with his eyes. His eyes are full of lust. He licks his lips like Merlin is going to be his favorite lollipop that he plans to lick over and over again before he replies. "Hello_ Merlin _."_  
  
  
Cenred continues to eye Merlin thoughtfully taking him all in. Like a lion who has just found his prey.

  
"You know, I could see you in Mordred's thoughts. He is quite right Merlin, you are very beautiful. All lean lines, beautiful skin, _succulent,_ if I can say so for myself. I can see _exactly_ what he sees, and _exactly_ what he wanted." Cenred licks his lips and continues.

  
"Did you know that your Arthur knew Mordred?" He saw that Merlin got a rise out of that comment and liking it, he let it sink in for a moment before continuing. "That's right. When Mordred turned twenty-five we got full access to his memories and as a lad he and Arthur went to the same school. He followed your Arthur around like a little love sick puppy, that he did. Too bad your Arthur was too full of himself to notice anything. Mordred knew who Arthur was all along but by then he was already falling for you. And your Arthur, I am sure that he knows all about Mordred by now too. He's been researching our history after all. Did he not bother to tell you that he knew Mordred all along?" It wasn't even a question. It seemed as if Cenred was able to read Merlin by his body language alone.

  
Merlin swallowed hard. He could think a lot about what is being said but he couldn't process it at the moment. Because at the same time Merlin could also see the intent behind Cenred's words. He knows that Cenred is trying to get him to break. He will not allow himself to be a pawn in this game of chess. He will not allow himself to be used to someones sole satisfaction. He is much, much stronger than that.

  
Cenred continues to look at Merlin thoughtfully. It is all a mind-game for him. Merlin sees it clearly now. This side of Mordred is cool and calculating. This is how he tends to his _prey_. How he seeks them out, how he breaks them. Cenred breaks his prey down psychologically and bends them to his will. He thrives for it like a fresh adrenaline rush. To know that he can get inside the mind of someone, to know that he is able to war with it, to toy with it. That is where it all begins, and it does _things_ for Cenred. The mind is also the only defense before one gets to the heart of the matter. The mind protects the heart. Cenred want to break Merlin. It is not the intimacy, not really, though, that is a nice big part of it. No, its to know that he can get to the most closed off parts of an individual and strip it bare. That is what Cenred wants. It is so much worse than the rape of his victims itself. Its so much more cruel, punishing, and unrelenting.

  
"I take it by your silence that your Arthur never told you that he knew Mordred." It wasn't a question and Cenred was loving it. Merlin looked away from him. "I thought being in love meant there were no secrets involved. If he really loved you he would have told you those things wouldn't you agree. He would have told you about Mordred." Again, it wasn't a question.

  
"Arthur _loves_ me." Merlin hissed out but shuts his mouth just as quickly as the words came out realizing he was rising to the bait. Cenred's instant reply proved it when he mocked Merlin in laughter at the comment.

  
"It begs to be seen." Cenred continues as he slowly advances over to Merlin.

  
"Now there are things that I intend to do to you Merlin. _(Involvement, another way to break the barriers of the mind)_ Things that are not going to make your Arthur very happy. _(Conflicting thoughts)_ But for Mordred's sake and mine, frankly I don't care. The poor boy has deprived himself for long enough. _(Compassion)_ Always trying to be good, always thinking of others. Hurting himself because he could not fathom hurting someone else. _(Sympathy)_ Its a pity actually. But me, I'm the part of Mordred that doesn't have to hold myself to such regard, such standard. I'll make it good for you though Merlin, I have hundreds of years of experience for crying out loud. I'll make it really good for you, and I promise (Cenred sneers) its going to hurt, a lot."

  
"Please, you don't have to do this." Merlin says in desperation.

  
"Oh but I do, you see. Its what I want. Its all I ever wanted. And with you, Merlin, ever since I saw you in Mordred's mind I knew that I had to have you. Mordred was too scared, too pathetic, to make the attempt. All because he knew you were with Arthur. Never in his life has he taken what he wanted.."

  
Merlin caught the slight omission for what it was. "It was you. You took me." It wasn't a question.

  
"Yes, it was me. I had to have you, Merlin. I wanted to know what it would feel like to have you scream beneath me. To feel your body next to mine with my cock sheathed in you. To taste your blood. I wanted to know what it was that made men go crazy over you. I _craved_ it like a dying man craves for water after being deprived of it for seven days. It was all that I could think about."

  
Merlin knew that look in Cenred's eyes. He knew that look really well. It was the same look that Valiant gave him before he raped him. Apparently they all have the same look. Cold, twisted, anger, and of lust. Merlin's mind felt like it was going in a million directions and not liking the conclusions that were being drawn. _Arthur was not going to get to him in time! No one would!_ No matter how much Mordred tried to stall the inevitable, this was still going to happen and there wasn't a dam thing that Merlin could do about it.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
* * * In Route * * *

  
Arthur continued to think about the good times that he and Merlin shared together. If he didn't he knew he would fall apart. Arthur did not want to dwell on the arguments or the moments when he thought he was going to lose him. He did not want to think about what they may find once they reached Merlin. What he really wanted to do was bash Mordred's head in. But the fact of the matter was that Mordred was a victim of circumstance. A victim of a curse that had nothing to do with him. Though in the end, does that really make a difference? How can you deal with someone for doing a heinous crime when it was not their fault? What could they possibly do once they get there? Subdue Mordred? _Kill him?_ Could he sleep at night knowing that he killed an innocent man? For Merlin, yes he could!

  
"How much longer, Father?" Arthur asked this time more determined than before.

  
"Thirty minutes, Arthur."

  
"Do we have a plan for once we get there?" Morgana asked.

  
"We have to search around the perimeter first. See if there are any openings. We don't want to be seen. If we give Mordred any opening we leave Merlin at risk and that is not going to happen. We also know that Mordred will be unpredictable depending on what form he takes. According to Tristan, Merlin will be kept in a cellar below the cabin. If we cannot find an opening from the outside we will have to come in from the inside. We will search for any openings through windows as well." Arthur replied stoically. Making plans and strategies came in easily for Arthur. He never had to think about it, he just knew and everyone else knew too. Arthur made plans and everything else fell into place. It was like he was born to do this.

  
"Are we going to kill him?" Dear, sweet, innocent Gwen, asked the question that was in the back of every ones mind.

  
"We have tranquilizers to use but if it comes down to it. If that's what it takes to save Merlin then we will kill Mordred without hesitation, if we must. I am not going to risk anyone else for him." Arthur said with such a fierce determination that it broached no room for argument. Mordred would be considered _collateral damage_. Though someone had to try and it seemed that Morgana would be _that person_.

  
"Its not his fault, Arthur."

  
"Is it Merlin's?" Arthur snapped back and for once Morgana shut her mouth in silence.

  
"We know its not Merlin's fault Arthur and you know that is not what Morgana meant. But we have to try our best to save Mordred if we can.." Gwen trailed off when she caught the look in Arthur's eyes. It was stormy and almost downright _murderous_. At the shock of Gwen's expression Arthur turned away. They all continued in silence. The tension thick enough to cut a knife through it.  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 * * * Unknown Location * * *

 

 Cenred reaches Merlin now after what felt like an hour but could only be minutes. Slowly, Cenred lays down directly on top of him from head to feet and inhales Merlin's scent like he is smelling his favorite brand of cologne. Merlin attempts to turn away but Cenred catches Merlin's face. He grabs his chin tightly, almost too tightly, enough to bruise, and Merlin winces.

  
"You smell ravishing, Merlin. And your lips." Cenred says as he flicks his tongue across Merlin's lips. "Your lips, they are so plump. Almost like a woman's. I just want to taste it. They taste so good" As Merlin gasps Cenred takes it as his opportunity to plunge into Merlin's mouth. Merlin tries to push himself away but Cenred's hold is too strong. Cenred continues to devour Merlin's mouth, his tongue, his teeth. Its forceful and painful at the same time.

  
Cenred moves downward piece by piece moving along to Merlin's jaw as Merlin begins to plead for Cenred to stop. Cenred ignores him as he kisses Merlin's jawline and uses his tongue to lick every part of it going back and forth from jawline, to neck, to Merlin's collar bone. He advises Merlin to shut up if he knows what's good for him and continues his onslaught.

  
"Beautiful, just beautiful." Cenred whispers as he bites down hard on Merlin's neck and licks away the blood. Cenred is making hungry sounds like biting Merlin is supplementing for food somehow.

  
"Please, please. Please stop." Merlin continues to plead. His voice is hoarse. Tears are falling down the corners of his eyes and he is in so much pain.

  
"I told you to shut up." Cenred replies in a menacing tone and bites down hard on Merlin's shoulder drawing more blood and a high pitch cry out of Merlin. "Don't make me have to hurt you, Merlin. I have no problem doing so." Cenred states as he tears Merlin's shirt open and begins to kiss down Merlin's chest biting, licking, drawing more blood as he goes. "So good."

  
Merlin feels like he is going out of his mind. He is frightened, he is terrified, and he feels like he would rather die than to become a victim once again to this. The tears continue to shed and he is going silent as Cenred requested. He is going numb, focusing only on the pain but closing off from the rest. If he can focus on the pain then he can keep his mind from what is actually happening in between. The fact that Cenred is taking pleasure in his body. The fact that he is about to be raped, _again._ What has he done in his life to deserve this? _It has to be his fault!_ Somehow the God's have deemed it fit that Merlin most suffer somehow. _This just cannot be random!_ He comes back from his inner turmoil just around the time that he feels Cenred opening up his trousers. Rather, in time for Cenred to be ripping open his trousers.

  
Merlin continues to attempt to break free with his knife. That's the only thing that is moving in him aside from the shedding of his tears and the fear of his mind. The rest of Merlin seems to be frozen in shock. He can feel himself shutting down and closing himself off, not from the event, but from it all. Its what Merlin does in traumatic situations when he can't possibly run away. He is closing himself off and is not sure if he is going to be able to come back around this time. The only beacon of hope Merlin can see in his head right now is Arthur. _"Arthur, if you only knew how much I love you. If I could tell you how much one more time."_

  
Merlin did not realize that he said the last part out loud until he felt a ringing in his ear from being smacked hard in his temple by Cenred.

  
"I told you to shut up. Your Arthur will not be of any use to you right now." Cenred yelled out as he engulfed Merlin's cock in his mouth.  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

   
 

* * * In Route * * *

 

 "How much longer?" Elyan questioned.

  
"Another fifteen minutes based on the coordinates. Arthur wants us to take a look around but other than that he wants us to stay put until they get there. We have to search the perimeter first to see if we can find an entrance from the outside. If we can't then we will enter from different vantage points if possible." Leon responded.

  
"Are we involving the police?" Percival asked but somehow knowing the answer.

  
"Only afterwards, we need to keep this at a low profile. If the press gets wind of this it will be a fields day. All they have to hear is the name Pendragon." Leon responds.

  
"Any word on what we are going to do about Mordred once we get there?" Lancelot asks the question that is still on all of their minds.

  
"We will kill him if we have no other choice. Arthur wants to save him first. But if he becomes a danger to us, himself, or Merlin, if we can't save Merlin without killing him than we will do what needs to be done." Leon answers honestly while yet being detached at the same time, distant.

  
Everyone is silent for a while. They know they will do what needs to be done. They may not have killed a man before but they would if it was for one of their own, and Merlin _is_ one of their own. They would go through the depths of hell for one of their own. No place would be too high, too far or too wide. They were born for this and they would ban together for this common cause to bring one of their own back home. Rest assured they would do it or they would die trying.  
  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
* * * Unknown Location * * *  
  
  
Merlin could feel Cenred's dirty hands all over his body and he felt dirty by the sheer presence of it. He could hear the grunts and the moans coming from Cenred mouth as he devoured him while all Merlin could do was lay there, paralyzed by it all aside from trying to break himself free. Merlin's sickened and horrified by the way that his body is betraying him by being stimulated by this. He hates himself even more, he hates Mordred at this moment, and hates everything about this situation. Finally, he finally manages to cut the last strand from the ropes that have imprisoned him. Cenred does not seem to notice and Merlin takes this as his opportunity to pick up the lamp by the nightstand. He takes it and with all of his might slams it into the temple of Cenred's head. Cenred passes out on top of him and he struggles to move him because Cenred is heavy. Once he does manage to move Merlin tries to right his clothing to no avail. The clothes seem to be destroyed and there is blood all over him from the bite marks and the blood flow.

  
Merlin sits up and begins to look around the room in hopes to find an exit. He sees a closed off opening of which one can only assume would lead to the outside but is not a way to leave now. He tries to look around for other exits and only sees one other as Mordred explained. Merlin's heart clinches as he does not know the combination. And to top it off Merlin is seeing double, his vision is blurred from the hits in his head and he can barely stand on his own two feet.

  
Cenred is coming to again and with a grin he rubs in. "Don't bother Precious, the door is locked and only those who know the combination will be able to unlock it from the inside and we are in the middle of no where. Didn't Mordred tell you about that. Tut, tut, tut, tah." Merlin had a look of pure horror. Cenred laughed. " _Aww,_ maybe poor Mordred didn't care for you as much as he thought he did to give you the combination. _Poor Merlin._ At least he gave the last one a fighting chance. He was strong enough to take him away."

  
They have a stare down before Cenred lunges after Merlin. They struggle on the floor and Merlin attempts to use his knife but Cenred overpowers him. Merlin is too weak to fight and Cenred is too strong for him. As Cenred hold him in a choke hold he says one thing as Merlin's world goes into complete and utter darkness.

  
"We haven't been formally introduced. My name is _Cornelius._ "  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Outside of Unknown Location * * *

 

 Arthur, Morgana, Gwen, and Uther have just pulled up. Gwaine, Percival, Leon, and Elyan join them. Leon pulls Morgana into a hug and gives her a fierce kiss. Lancelot pulls Gwen, looks her over, and pulls her into a strong embrace. Arthur looks like he lost his best friend and everyone understands why.

  
"We searched around the parameter but there are no entrances aside from the front door. The windows are boarded up and the part where there was an entrance to the cellar has been closed off just as Tristan stated. We won't be able to get into those other openings without being detected first." Leon advises.

  
"Well then there is no other way in than the front door. Is everyone suited up? Do you have your weapons? Remember, the goal is to take control of the situation and subdue, not to kill. Killing is our final resort but do not hesitate if you don't have another option. Mordred is still considered to be dangerous." Arthur questions and orders.

  
Everyone double-checks their weapons and nodded in acceptance of the orders given.

  
"Okay, Leon, Lancelot, Percival, on me we are going to enter in. When we give the go ahead once its clear then Gwaine and Elyan will enter. Father I want you to stay with the girls to make sure that they are safe..."

  
"Arthur!" Morgana immediately interjects but is cut off by Uther.

  
"Fine, but be careful, son." Uther replies squeezing Arthur's shoulders as he turns and glares at Morgana willing her to shut up, surprisingly, she does.

  
"Morgana, once we have the situation contained we will need you, Gwen, and Father to get to Merlin. We cannot afford all of us to go in and we still need someone to stand guard in the meantime. This leaves you three outside until its all clear and we can rotate you out. This is not a good situation as it is. We have no idea what Mordred has for weapons or what he has done to Merlin." Arthur pauses taking a good look at the group. "Now, are we ready?" Arthur questions and looks to all for a response. "Then let's go.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not get any other way around Merlin without it being believable. But we know if anyone can pull through this, its Merlin, right?
> 
> How did you like this chapter? Tell me what you think? Do you think Mordred should die? I want to hear from you!!
> 
> Please review, thank you in advance.


	22. Secret Passages and Magic Mirrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does the gang hold up against Cornelius? How do they deal with what has happened to Merlin? The confrontation between Arthur and Mordred/Cornelius has arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all that have taken the time to review, subscribe, and/or to give Kudos to this story. It means so much you may never really know. Each time I see an email letting me know someone has left a review or has given a Kudos, it makes my day. It also helps to inspire me more when putting these chapters together. Some changes may have never come into fruition without a review.

* * * Inside Unknown Location * * *

 

 

Cornelius bounds and gags Merlin once more to the bed removing the knife from Merlin and putting it well out of his reach. This time also bounding Merlin legs to the end sides of the bed post. He should have done that in the beginning Cornelius thought.   


 

"It would have been so nice to torture and maim that pretty face, but what's the pleasure of it if you are sleeping. Cenred _always_ gets to have all of the fun." Cornelius muses aloud to himself.  


 

Cornelius takes a moment to appreciate his handiwork when he hears noises above him. Realizing that someone has entered he grabs a few necessities. A couple of knives, a few guns, a taser set in touch-stun mode, a cloth with some chlorophyll. The cloth, the taser, or the combination of both are easier, Cornelius thinks. He does not like the quick kill. He takes pleasure in torturing his victims and hearing them scream. _The louder, the better._ If he knocks them out first he can always come back to them later and the fun for him can really begin.   


 

Cornelius took another look at Merlin to make sure that his ropes were tight enough and that his gag would hold before making his way out of the cellar using the combination to exit. What few did not know about the cabin is that it was built during the times where there were hidden secret passage ways. There were several ways to look around the cabin and several ways to come to the surface once leaving the cellar without anyone being known the wiser.   


 

Cornelius used one of the secret passage ways to look through a glass, the glass was two-sided. He had several throughout the cabin. Created by an old witch to look like mirrors to a stranger while one could see what was going on through the other side. There were secret passage ways through the panels of the walls. The mirrors hung in front of those secret passage ways. No one would suspect a thing. They would be checking rooms while Cornelius would be picking the intruders off one by one. It was ingenious, Cornelius thought, if he could say so himself. It was one of the things that he put in place and ordered when he had control. It was done so many years ago and since it was done and ordered by him the owner of their body knew known the wiser. 

 

It was always one of the reasons why Cornelius was the stronger of the three. He _protected_ them, whether the owner of their body wanted him too or not. Whenever the owner was in danger, Cornelius would take over. Just like he did when Cenred was injured. Its an automatic line of defense, and seeing that they have intruders on the property Cornelius sees he has phased in just in the nick of time. Cornelius also sees who the intruders are. Looking through he sees how the group of four splits up. This makes it easy pickings for him Cornelius thinks. He hears them speaking and hears their plans, apparently there are others waiting to be called in. He just has to make sure that doesn't happen Cornelius thinks to himself.

 

The first person Cornelius goes after is a tall, scruffy man with a beard. He remembers him from Mordred's dinner with Merlin, _Leon_. Cornelius knows they are either looking for Mordred or looking for the entrance to the cellar but waits until Leon is preoccupied and not facing the mirror. He exits quick and uses a pressure point on Leon that temporarily dropped him down in pain by clamping down between the shoulder and the collarbone. As Leon drops from the pain he uses the cloth and chlorophyll on him. Once that is done, he drags Leon back behind the secret passage way and locks him in one of the rooms after tying him up and gagging him. This room is not seen upon entering the cabin and the element of surprise worked in Cornelius' favor. Cornelius pats himself on the back metaphorically for learning the pressure points in the body, it was one of the best things that he learned in the past. Looking at Leon he knows he would not have been easy to fight off in Mordred's body.

 

The big muscled man with arms and legs like a tree trunk looked like he would be more difficult, Cornelius thinks to himself. He remembers him when Cenred captured Merlin. Apparently he was _supposed_ to be one of Merlin's protectors. Some protector, Cornelius jokes to himself. If even _Cenred_ managed to capture Merlin they probably weren't doing such a good job. Cornelius waits until Percival is in just the right spot in one of the sitting rooms with his back turned before he lunges at him with the taser. He uses enough voltage to put down a horse because he refuses to underestimate this man's strength. He drops to his knees and Cornelius uses the cloth on him. He is struggling and Cornelius feels the punches that winded him in his ribs but manages to take him down anyway. The big guy continued to fight it off but no one can fight the effects of chlorophyll for long before passing out.   


 

"Will _any_ of these men prove to be a real challenge?" Cornelius wonders aloud as he drags Percival's body into the secret passageway and ties him up, gagging him as well. Cornelius knows down deep that they would have been a challenge if he had not had so many years more experience than they did at this. But still, it would have been fun.

 

The darker tanned Latino looking man seemed to be a little more difficult to put down. He sensed Cornelius before he could get his arms around him in a choke-hold. They struggle on the floor. Cornelius takes a punch in the jaw and another in the stomach but Cornelius has his own target goals in mind and pain is something that he likes. He can dish it just as much as he can take it. _Though_ _still_ _._ The darker man is a lot stronger than he looks. But he was not suspecting Cornelius to use a taser on him and that does it. Cornelius looks down at the other man and kicks him hard in the ribs a few times for good measure. A little disgusted that he had to fight more than he has had to thus far. He then drags the other man into the secret passage way tying him up and ganging him as well. Cornelius rubs his jaw and checks for bleeding before continuing. He already knows there will be bruises and swelling in the morning _if not_ sooner.  


 

_________________________________________________________________________________________  


    


Cornelius gets to Arthur just before he finds the hidden passageway that would lead to the entrance way to the cellar. That's if he could find it. Cornelius decides that he does not want to knock Arthur out the way he did the others. He wants to break him, to break that neatly polished demeanor, to _hurt_ him the way he would hurt the most, by his own loss of control of not knowing. He knows Merlin is Arthur's weakness and he intends to use that weakness to the fullest. Walking up behind him casually he begins.

 

 "I wasn't aware that Mordred was expecting visitors?" Cornelius uses his most friendly tone.

 

Arthur _tenses_ , every muscle in his body frozen for a moment from that voice. Normally one does not manage to sneak up on Arthur so easily. But he is distracted and he knows it. Merlin being the only one really in his thoughts. Instead of answering the question Arthur decides to ask another one. "What have you done with Merlin?"   


 

" _Me_ , I haven't had much of a chance to do anything with Merlin but introduce myself. Cenred saw to that." Cornelius replies with a crooked grin.

 

"Cornelius, I presume?"

 

"Pleased to meet your acquaintance Arthur Pendragon."

 

"You can make this the easy way or you make this the hard way but either way, we are leaving here with Merlin." Arthur states unflinching and with a fierce determination in his voice and coldness in his eyes.

 

"I don't see a _we_ , Arthur. I think..I think your friends have otherwise been detained." Cornelius muses with a knowing smirk.

 

"What have you done with them?"

 

"Don't worry, they are all alive... _for now._ "

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 * * * Outside Unknown Location * * *

    


"Somethings _wrong_." Gwaine says suddenly.

 

"What makes you think that?" Morgana questions.

 

"Its too quiet and its taking too long for the second group of us to be called in." Uther concludes.

 

"My thoughts exactly." Gwaine agrees.

 

"It could be that it is taking a little longer to find where Mordred is holding Merlin." Gwen supplies.

 

"No, I agree with Gwaine and Uther. I am getting a bad feeling about this." Elyan replies.

 

"Well, Mordred's other personalities have been around a lot longer. They know a thing or two about self preservation."

 

"Give it five more minutes and if we still haven't received any word from them we will send you and Elyan in." Uther orders looking at Gwaine. "Be careful. This cabin looks old and depending on when it was built there could be some booby traps that can be set inside to you unawares. I wouldn't put anything past this Mordred or his _other_ personalities."

 

"Booby traps, you mean like fucking trap doors and shit? For crying out loud are we ever going to catch a fucking break with all of this." Gwaine states agitated rubbing his face in his hands, and scratching his beard by sheer frustration of it all.

 

"Older houses have hidden compartments. It already has a cellar set up as a booby trap, why not another room or passageway?" Uther responds.

 

"Do you think now would be a good time to call the police?" Gwen questions thinking about Leon, Lancelot, Percival, Merlin, and Arthur inside.

 

"Not yet, we still do not know what is going on inside." Uther responds. "We have to have faith that the boys have the situation under control. Two more minutes." Uther concludes confidently.  


 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________  


 

* * * Inside Unknown Location * * *

    


Merlin stirs. His eyelids hurt to even flutter open. The pain in his head is even more blinding and excruciating than before. He's feeling numb and a little confused. Merlin actually feels like he is going to die. He almost _wants_ to die. He fights even with the pain to open his eyes. He winces and winces some more when he tries to turn his head to look around the room. But using the little senses he has he can tell that he is alone. "Maybe he left me to die." Merlin thinks to himself. "If only I could be so lucky." The pain is extreme in his head. It is like a blinding migraine even though the rest of him feels numbed.   


 

He hears noises above faintly but does not know where those noises are coming from or if it is in any benefit to him. It is probably Mordred, Merlin thinks. If Arthur hasn't made it yet the he probably is not coming. Merlin is delirious and is losing hope really fast.

 

It would have been nice to see Arthur one more time. And _oh,_ my mom, Will, Freya, the gang. After everything they have done for me they will be devastated. Arthur will blame himself, Merlin supposes, though he does not blame Arthur himself. Not for this. He just knows the kind of man that he has and he knows that Arthur will find a way to blame himself for what happens.

 

Merlin loses consciousness again as darkness closes in.  


 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 * * * The Confrontation * * *         


    


"It took you a while to get here. One would think that you really don't love your precious Merlin at all." Cornelius comments in his attempt to rile Arthur.

 

"You don't know _anything_ about me." Arthur bites back.

 

"On the contrary, I know a lot about you Arthur Pendragon. I know that you did not give our Mordred the time of day growing up. I know that you are a rich git that has his entire life mapped out for him. I know that you have a whole ton of insecurities if you were so overly possessive of Merlin's _friendship_ with Mordred. Its not like your Merlin would have given Mordred a try. Though, thanks to Cenred that's all been fixed now." Cornelius ends with a manic grin.

 

Arthur is fighting not to let the bile rise in his throat at that statement and attempts to restrain his anger. That means Cenred has attacked Merlin and he is spending time with this ass instead of getting to Merlin to break him free. He knows he has to play his cards right. Cornelius is a sick, twisted, bastard and he has already managed to subdue Leon, Lancelot, and Percival. That means that he is also a lot stronger than he looks, anda lot crazier. Arthur knows if too much time has past they will send in the next group for back up. It was not stated but he knows it won't take them long to realize something is wrong. No, he has to bide his time.   


 

Arthur is unable to imagine what Merlin must be going through right now. He probably thinks he is being abandoned. Arthur can only pray that Merlin does not give up hope. Arthur wants Merlin and he wants Merlin _now_. He needs for Merlin to know how much he loves him. He needs to hold Merlin, to _touch_ him, to know that he is there. He needs to know that Merlin is okay. He is missing Merlin like a physical pain and the gaping whole of pain only hurts more the longer they are separated. He could _kill_ Mordred right now, Arthur thinks. Whether this is his fault or not. Its his fault for Merlin being here. But he has to bide his time. Let this, _Cornelius_ , think that he is in control of this situation.

 

"And what about you Cornelius? You are not in control. You only manage to come out and play when Mordred is not in control." Arthur replies.  


 

It must have been the wrong response because three seconds later Arthur finds himself staring down the barrel of a gun. Arthur doesn't even with flinch. He refuses to let Cornelius think that he is intimidated by any means.

 

"I have more control than you think, Arthur Pendragon. You only know what you have heard. Do not presume that you know anything about me. You will find yourself lacking." Cornelius sneers.

 

Arthur sees a flash in the mirror and notices that Gwaine and Elyan have arrived. He does not turn, he does not stare, he does not flinch. It is only through the corner of his eyes that he sees any movement at all but he knows the system that he set up and he knows that they will not deviate from that, _much_.

 

"Tell them to come out." Cornelius says knowingly.

 

"I don't know what you are talking about." Arthur responds and not knowing how Cornelius could have known about Gwaine and Elyan.

 

"Do not play me for the fool Arthur Pendragon. I have lived for centuries and I am a creature of magic. I sense the presence of them. Tell them to come out or I will kill you."

 

"You will kill me anyway."

 

"Tell them to come out, or I will kill your Merlin slowly and all too painfully. He will pray for death to come and I will make him wait a long time before he sees it." Cornelius says, he tone is dark and Arthur has no doubt that he means what he is saying.

 

Arthur pauses for a moment before signaling for Gwaine and Elyan to surface. They do so begrudgingly.   


 

"That's a good lad." Cornelius says. He reaches for rope for both Gwaine and Elyan. "Get their weapons from them and bring it to me."

 

Slowly, Arthur moves to Gwaine and Elyan and takes their guns away from them. If he was not instructed to search them for anything else, well he is not going to offer it. He gives the guns to Mordred after taking the safety off of it.

 

"Now, take the rope and tie their hands in front of them so that I can see them."   


 

Arthur is able to feel the rage bouncing off of Gwaine. No need to ask him if he is alright. He takes the rope to begin to tie them up.

 

"Be sure to make it nice and tight now." Cornelius adds.

 

Arthur ties Gwaine first to protect him from doing something stupid and then moves on the Elyan to do the same thing.

 

"Your not going to get away with all of this." Arthur says to Cornelius.

 

"On the contrary, I think I already have."

 

"Someone will find out. They will know that we are missing."

 

"And by the time that they do you will be dead or will be praying for death with me long gone."

 

There is a stir from behind the wall, Cornelius gets distracted for a fraction of a second and in that fraction it allows for Arthur to charge after him sphering him into the floor. A punch by Cornelius into Arthur's face. A punch by Arthur into Cornelius' stomach, his ribs, his jaw. They struggle, rolling onto the floor some more. Cornelius reaches for his taser but Arthur, a little quicker bangs Cornelius' hand on the floor repeatedly until he drops it. They struggle some more. Arthur uses the handle of the gun and slams it into Cornelius' temple. He punches Cornelius a few more times for good measure to make sure that he is out.   


 

Arthur is shaking. He knows how to fight. Nothing but the best of _everything_ for a Pendragon. Arthur has had teachings in boxing and the martial arts. He may not have used those teachings in years, but he still knows enough to defend himself. He stares at Cornelius a little longer to make sure that he doesn't move before getting up. Arthur feels the pain immediately but suppresses it. He has bigger problems at the moment.

 

"Nice fighting there, Princess" Gwaine praises as Elyan says in agreement. "I'll say."

 

"I've been known to hold my own. But enough of that. Let's get you both untied. We have to look for the rest of the guys and we have to signal the rest in to get to Merlin." Arthur responds. He is still not smiling and he is still detached. Gwaine thinks there isn't much to smile about at the moment too. He agrees with Arthur's assessment of the situation.

 

"I'll go get the Uther and the rest." Elyan offers.

 

"I'll go checking the rooms for the others." Gwaine responds. "Princess, you keep an eye out on this one and be sure to take his toys away. Can't have him surprising us now can we."   


 

Arthur nods in agreement and begins searching Cornelius for weapons. He finds guns, a cloth that almost makes him pass out with one whiff, and a few knives. He pockets the guns and puts away the rest in the kitchen, further away from Cornelius. He then uses some of the rope that was set aside for Gwaine and Elyan and begins to tie Cornelius hands in front of him similar to how he was instructed to tie Gwaine and Elyan but tighter.

 

"There is no one around, Arthur." Gwaine states entering into the room.

 

Arthur raises a brow at that but begins to put somethings together. "There was some type of noise behind the wall that distracted Cornelius. That's what gave me the opportunity to get the jump on him." Arthur runs a hand through his head thinking some more.

 

"Your father stated that some of these old cabins were built differently, that some may have booby traps, or hidden passageways." Gwaine responds but it is clear that he is thinking too because he is looking a little more closely around the room.  


 

"Well, if there are any hidden passageways or booby traps they have to be behind the walls. Everything seems out in the open. The cellar should be too, but aside from that closed off opening on the outside I don't see anything." Arthur muses.

 

They take their time searching around the room. Moving furniture, pressing on the door frames, and tapping and tugging on walls.   


 

"What is the same common denominator in each of the rooms that you have been in?" Arthur questions, more for confirmation than anything.

 

"The furniture, the mirrors?" Gwaine answers in the form of a question.

 

"The _mirrors_." Arthur walks over to the mirror in the living room and tugs in it. It does not come down when he attempts to bring it down to look behind it. He pushes on the mirror and the wall opens up.

 

"Well, I'll be damned." Gwaine whispers.

 

They both leave the wall open just in case its a trap and walking through. They look back again through the other side of the glass and realize that they are able to see through it to the living room.

 

"So that's how he got the drop on us so quickly." Arthur says quietly.

 

"I'll say, he would know that we were coming as soon as we entered in. It took the element of surprise away as soon as we got here." Gwaine replies.

 

They start walking down the narrow hallway when Gwaine advises. "Remember about the cellar. We can come in but the locks are meant to lock the person from coming out. We need to be careful when we enter into these rooms. Who knows if that goes the same for the rest of this place."

 

"Right." Arthur is glad for Gwaine's presence. His mind is all over the place and it only manages to settle on Merlin. They can hear the others coming in but he knows they left the wall open and they will have to go through them first before entering further.

 

Arthur reaches the first door and pushes it inwards. They find Lancelot passed out facing the wall.   


 

"Shit!' Gwaine curses before walking over to Lancelot, Arthur following behind but making sure that the door does not close on them first by putting a chair in front of it.

 

"Lancelot, Lancelot!" Gwaine calls out, shaking his shoulders slightly.

 

"Be careful, Gwaine. We don't know what Cornelius did to them and we don't want to jar anything if he has a concussion or any type or spinal injuries." Arthur advises while looking around the dark room. The only light coming in is from the hallway until he reaches for the light overhead. He pulls the string to cut on the light for them to see.

 

Lancelot begins to stir and grunts as he moves turning on his stomach. Gwaine removes the restraints at the same time.

 

"Finally." Lancelot gasps out.

 

"Are you okay?" Arthur asks.

 

"Yeah, he got the jump on me. I tried to fight him off but he's a strong motherfucker. He must of got me in my ribs too because it hurts like hell. I'm a little sore too, he _tased_ me." Lancelot finishes.

 

"Do you think you can move?"Arthur questions while at the same time he hears his father calling for him. "Arthur."

 

"I think so." Lancelot responds.

 

"In here." Arthur calls out.

 

"Gwaine, we need to split up. Take them and start searching in the other direction for the cellar. I'll take Lancelot and we'll go free the others. I have to hurry back to Cornelius soon too just in case he wakes up." Arthur orders.

 

Gwaine and Lancelot raise a brow. Gwaine is a little surprised that Arthur would not want to be on the side to look for Merlin but almost immediately understands. Arthur's afraid of what they may find. And since the Princess has always had a hard time expressing himself when he is vulnerable Gwaine leaves this one alone.

 

"Alright, we'll meet you on the other side." Gwaine responds smoothly before giving Lancelot a one-arm hung careful not to hurt his ribs and leaves the room.

 

Arthur knows the look that he got from Gwaine and knows Gwaine is right. Gwaine does not have to comment because they have known each other long enough to know the others thoughts at times and Arthur knows his thoughts are _clearly_ written all over his face. He is scared. He is scared, he does not know what happened to Merlin. He only knows the twisted comment from Cornelius. He can only imagine the shape Merlin is in right now and he is too afraid to find out for himself. He thinks he might break apart if he does. He is holding on by a thread as it is and he does not know how much more he can take.

 

"Alright, Arthur?" Lancelot asks worriedly.

 

"I'm fine. As fine as I am going to be right now. Let's go look for the others." Arthur responds patting Lancelot on the shoulder. He _cannot,_ absolutely, _cannot_ discuss his feelings right now.  


 

They continue on in search of freeing the others.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

"How's he holding up?" Morgana questions anxiously as Gwaine walks up to them.

 

"He's holding on by a thread. He'll be better once we find Merlin." Gwaine responds with a small smile trying for reassurance and failing quickly.   


 

"We don't know how fine but at least he will be at peace knowing that Merlin is with him when we get to him. What's the plan and what is this area?" Elyan questions.

 

"Secret passageways, just like Uther warned us about. Cornelius got the drop on the guys this way too and we were set up for a trap when we got here." Gwaine responds.

 

"Trap, how are they? Lancelot?" Gwen immediately questions while Morgana is questioning about Leon.

 

"I was with Arthur when we got to Lancelot. He's sore and bruised but he will be okay." Gwaine responds while Gwen takes a deep breath. "Arthur and Lancelot are looking for Leon and Percival now while we are instructed to look for Merlin." Gwaine finishes.

 

Gwaine tells them all about the mirrors and the hidden rooms behind the walls. He also advises for them not to close any of the doors to ensure that they are not locked in to any given room. They search the rooms along the corridor until they reach the last one on the end. They know that this has to be the one. Gwaine takes a deep breath and he can hear the inhaling and exhaling around him knowing that they are doing the same. They open the door and Gwen is the first to say what all of them have on their mind immediately upon seeing Merlin.

 

_"Oh, my God."_   


 

They slowly walk towards him. Merlin's clothes is clearly torn. He is bound and gagged. He is bloodied from his head downwards. He has caked up blood on his head and his hair looks to be matted in the blood. Its Morgana that wakes up first and its Uther that begins barking orders and instructing them to take the restraints off and to check for any immediate problems that require attention. It is Gwaine that falls to Merlin's side holding his hand and whispering to him with the sound of tears in his throat. It is Gwen that busies herself in the room looking for clothes or anything to cover Merlin up with to prevent Arthur from seeing him like this. It is Elyan that wants to tear the heart out of Mordred for what he has done. The emotions are on high and the gang knows that this is not something that they will be forgetting for a very, _very_ long time.

 

"Merlin?" Gwaine chokes out trying to get a stir out of him, something. But Merlin isn't moving.

 

Morgana moves to the other side of him too after they removed the restraints to check for vitals. Merlin's heart is beating but slowly.

 

"He's still alive." Morgana whispers.

 

The group lets out a breath they did not know they were holding until now.

 

"We need to get him out of here." Gwaine comments.

 

"I'll go check on the others." Elyan excuses himself. It hurts to see Merlin this way.

 

"He's lost so much blood." Gwen comments softly as she returns to that side of the room. She managed to find some spare clothes, assumed it was Mordred's but it will do for Merlin right now. They have to cover Merlin up. "Do you think he was?" Gwen questions at a whisper unable to finish the sentence while both Gwaine and Morgana flinch.   


 

"His clothing, including his pants have been torn off at some point." Gwaine replies reluctantly. 

 

"Shouldn't we be trying to wake him up? He has a head wound." Gwen questions thoughtfully.

 

"I _have been_ trying, he's not stirring." Gwaine responds frustratingly.

 

"I've been tugging on him too. I don't know how long he's been out for but it looks like he could have a concussion." Morgana responds.

 

_"Could have?_ Have you seen the same amount of blood on his head that I am looking at?" Gwaine responds.

 

"We've all seen it but arguing about it is not going to fix things." Morgana replies testily.

 

"Guys, I think all of our emotions are running on high right now, we need to calm down and think about what will be best for Merlin." Gwen responds taking over as the voice of reason in the group.

 

Uther walks back into the room pocketing his phone. Morgana did not even notice him walking out of the room with everything going on. "Father, who did you call, the police?"

 

"Not yet on the police. I have a friend that owns a private ambulance company. They are nearly an hour away but they are on their way for Merlin to take him to one of the best trauma hospitals in the area. He will need immediate medical attention I presume before we can take him back to Camelot." Uther replies. Morgana has tears in her eyes when she responds saying thank you. Uther nods his welcome.

 

The gang uses the moment to begin to change Merlin's clothes carefully, afraid they may be hurting him while attempting to wake him up at the same time. Its a painful process for them as Merlin continues to be out cold but they work together anyway in hopes that Arthur does not see him this way.  


 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Elyan follows the way around the other side of the corridor and sees the gang in the living room on the other side of the wall. Looking at Lancelot, Percival, and Leon it is clear that they have had better days but they seem to be alright. In pain, but alright just the same. He almost wishes there was something to distract them. Anything to avoid the questions that he is sure that he is about to be asked. He walks in quietly but Arthur sees him immediately. He looks _broken_. And now after seeing Merlin he cannot help but to wonder how Arthur is going to deal with this.

 

"Did you..did you find him?" Arthur questions hesitantly.

 

"Yes, we did." Elyan responds softly.

 

"How is he?"

 

"Unconscious at the moment but everyone is checking on him now." Elyan responds in a quiet tone.   


 

"He hasn't woken up yet?" Lancelot questions.

 

"No. Gwaine and Morgana have been trying but he hasn't stirred yet."

 

"Can you tell what is wrong?"

 

"Too much blood loss to tell." Elyan responds again praying for an end to the questions when Arthur makes a noise down deep inside of him that somehow they can all hear. "Its best not to speculate, we are checking on him now." Elyan finishes in his attempt to reassure the others. By the look on Arthur's face says it didn't work.

 

Arthur's frozen, numb, unable to think. He can see a bloodied Merlin in his head. He can see him lying there bloodied and bruised and he knows that there is not a damned thing that he can do about it. If he could take some of the pain, if he could take some of the hurt, if he could do something, he _would_ do it. He would do it in a heartbeat. Arthur's so wrapped up in his thoughts that he does not notice that a gun is going off around him until he hears someone hit the floor. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you enjoy this chapter? Please review. I'll never know unless you tell me.
> 
> Up Next:
> 
> Who got shot?  
> A surprise twist is coming.  
> Arthur finally sees Merlin.


	23. The Gods will have their Recompense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will there be a solution for Mordred?  
> How does the gang handle seeing Merlin?  
> How does Arthur cope?  
> Arthur and Merlin have a much needed discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all that have taken the time to review, subscribe, and/or to give Kudos to this story. It means so much you may never really know. Each time I see an email letting me know someone has left a review or has given a Kudos, it makes my day. It also helps to inspire me more when putting these chapters together. Some changes may have never come into fruition without a review.

  


  


  
_Arthur's frozen,_ numb _, unable to think. He can see a bloodied Merlin in his head. He can see him lying there bloodied and bruised and he knows that there is not a damned thing that he can do about it. If he could take some of the pain, if he could take some of the hurt, if he could do something, he would do it. He would do it in a heartbeat. Arthur's so wrapped up in his thoughts that he does not notice that a gun is going off around him until he hears someone hit the floor._

__

 

__Arthur turns around just in time to see Cornelius hitting the floor, a knife a few feet away from him. He turns around the opposite direction to see Percival putting his gun away.

"Is he..?" Arthur trying to get the words out, voice hesitant. Percival understanding anyway answers.

"No, it was a tranquilizer. He'll be out for a little while." Percival said almost apologetically. "Let's check him again to make sure that he has nothing else on him.

"I.. I checked him." Arthur stated, voice clearly not himself.

"You've got a lot on your mind Arthur, he could have hidden it anywhere. It could have been easy to miss." Leon says reassuringly.

Though they all knew it. Arthur was not right at that moment. He was grieving and all of the events leading up to now were starting to build up, overwhelming him, leaving him shattered and even more broken than before. They know he won't be entirely better until they know that Merlin will be alright. Its Percival that goes towards Cornelius to check for more weapons. They find a small gun in his boot and another small knife under his shirt. No one mentions anything, they all know there will be no words of soothing here until this is over, and over for good.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

"He's starting to move." Morgana states anxiously.

"Merlin, Merlin..its Gwaine. Merlin, can you hear me." Gwaine says calmly.

Merlin fingers starts to twitch just a little and his eyes are moving slightly below his eyelids. They breathe a little better because they are finally seeing a response.

Merlin moves his lips and a few seconds later he speaks. "My.. head..it..hurts." Merlin says in a whisper.

Gwaine swallows hard, taking in a deep breath. He is angry, pissed, hurt, and all of the above seeing his friend like this. "Don't worry Merlin, the ambulance is on its way. We're taking you to the hospital. Just.. just.. hang in there."

Merlin's lips begin to move so more. He finally manages to get out. "Ar.. Ar.. Arthur."

"He's okay, Merlin. He's with the guys, they are taking care of Mordred as we speak." Morgana says gently, lightly touching Merlin's cheek, eyes glistening with tears being held in check.

"He.. he can't die." Merlin stutters out and tears do run from Merlin's eyes.

"Arthur's fine, Merlin. Really he is." Gwaine says reassuringly holding on to Merlin's hand.

"No.. Mordred.. he _can't_ die." Merlin breathes out, it is clear he is struggling to get the words out.

Uther, alarmed by what Merlin said comes closer. "What do you mean when you say that he _can't_ die?"

Merlin attempts to turn his head towards Uther and winces from the pain. "The.. the.. _curse_. He.. he said that (Merlin swallows) he.. said that.. he can only.. die.. die a natural death."

"I bet he could die if we took his head off or he went through a round of bullets. I don't believe him. I don't believe one word." Gwaine says angrily.

Merlin flinches by Gwaine's response before speaking. "He.. he.. said. he's tried. To take.. to take his own life."

Gwen sighs out loud in response to that. She has no love loss in this situation, but to hear that someone tried to take their own life due to circumstances not of their own. As a mother, it _hurt_. She remembers that she had a water bottle in her purse and pulls it out to give to Merlin. Morgana reaches for it and Gwaine carefully helps Merlin up just enough responding to his gasps of pain to allow Morgana to give him something to drink. He takes down little but it is better than nothing.

"So your saying that according to Mordred, nothing he has tried has worked, right?" Gwaine summarizes.

Merlin gives a tiny nod, very mindful of his injuries. Morgana sees it and steps in to not agitate Merlin.

"Merlin, can you. can you tell us what hurts so that we can prepare the paramedics once they arrive?" Morgana asks gently. She knows what she really wants to know but she is too afraid to ask. She also knows that Merlin's needs medical attention and absolutely the fuck _now_ he needs it!

"My..my..head."

"Anywhere else?"

"I can't feel. I can't feel much. I feel.. I feel numb, just stabbing pains. Every.. every so often. I think I've been out for a while."

"Merlin" Morgana says gently and Gwaine goes stiff almost knowing what Morgana was going to ask. It was the same question he had but was all too afraid to ask. "Merlin, _did he_?"

Merlin tenses, squeezes his eyes shut, flinched in pain, before nodding in answer to the unspoken question. He was expecting that question. He was just happy that Arthur was not in the room at the time when he had to answer it. He preferred to get it over with before he was. He did not have the heart to tell Arthur about this. On some level Merlin wonders if Arthur will ever look at him the same again.

"Oh, Merlin." Gwen says in a whisper, tears falling freely at that.

Gwaine covers his eyes for a moment squeezing, clearly holding back his emotions. He'd rather punch a wall or punch Mordred but he does not want Merlin worried at the moment.

Uther looks like he doesn't know what to do with himself but he is a cross between anger and pure sympathy of the situation.

The tears Morgana was keeping in check finally began to fall. She could only think of Merlin, and then of _Arthur_. No one should have to go through _this_. She gently holds on to one of Merlin's hands, rubs his palm moving up to his wrist. She leans over and gives Merlin a gentle kiss on the cheek before saying. "Its going to be alright, Merlin. It will."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 Leon walks over to Arthur slowly. He is almost afraid of what to say. He would have gone crazy by now if this was Morgana. It would have torn him apart. He honestly does not know how Arthur is coping. Even though he looks like he could fall apart at any moment he is still at least trying. Leon does not know how he is making it but still there is something else that Arthur is not saying. And that something else is what is worrying him. Arthur has had ample opportunity to go and see Merlin but he still has not attempted to go in that direction. Something is up.

"Arthur." Leon stops suddenly as Arthur is clearly startled by his approach. _Jumpy,_ Leon thinks. "Arthur, why don't you go on ahead and check on Merlin. See.. see for yourself that he is okay." Leon finishes hesitantly.

Arthur freezes by the words but manages to respond. "I'll check on him as soon as we have this situation under control."

Knowing _this_ situation is really not the situation Arthur is talking about he presses. "We have this situation under control Arthur. Why don't you go and check..."

"I can't!" Arthur almost shouts but controls himself quickly. Looking away from Leon to avoid contact.

Leon get's it now. "Arthur look at me." Arthur continues to look away. "Arthur. Arthur, I said _look_ at me." Arthur slowly looks towards Leon looking above his shoulder level. Leon accepts it and continues. "This.. this is not your fault Arthur."

Arthur looks away immediately.

"Listen Arthur. You had no way of knowing any of this would happen. No way! Merlin." (Arthur flinches) "Merlin would not blame you for any of this. This is not your fault."

"I should have been there." Arthur says slowly and quietly.

"You didn't know, Arthur."

_"I should have known!_ I should have never let him leave! I shouldn't have kept information from him." Everything was rolling from Arthur then. It was clear some of these thoughts were lingering on his mind for quite a while now.

"Arthur, Merlin is as strong-willed as they come. Morgana told me about that argument and there would have been no stopping him from leaving."

Leon remembered that conversation all too well with Morgana. But the only thing Leon thought about after it was that Merlin was exactly the kind of person that Arthur needed and that he could see why Arthur fell in love with him so completely in the first place. Arthur would never choose someone that would bow down to everything thing that he said and did. Arthur wasn't _wired_ that way. He wasn't _raised_ that way. Leon also knew this from personal experience from being with Morgana. She would never choose anyone she could completely run over either. Both Arthur and Morgana wanted a challenge. Leon was that for Morgana even though he may let her get away with things at times and Merlin was that for Arthur. Whether Arthur wants to ever admit that or not, Leon knows that this was one of the things that attracted him to Merlin and kept him interested in him.

"It doesn't matter. I should have _done_ something." Arthur continued unconvinced.

Leon takes a deep breath before responding.

"What would Merlin say?"

Arthur shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. He swallows hard, eyes stinging with tears that are left unshed. "It doesn't matter."

" _Like hell!_ Like hell, it _matters_ Arthur. He is going to need you. And he is going to need _all_ of you to get through this nightmare!" (Arthur takes a deep breath) "He's going to need you to _help_ him Arthur, and you can't be if your blaming yourself." Leon says softly.

"I know."

Leon looks at Arthur and knows that it is enough for now. Arthur heard him, that is good enough. But he is not going to be okay until he sees Merlin.

"Give yourself a few minutes, yeah?" Leon says squeezing Arthur's shoulder gently.

Arthur nods. "Yeah, alright." Before walking away to go to the kitchen.

Lancelot walks up to Leon then asking quietly. "Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

"When are we calling the police?" Gwen looks to Uther for an answer. Uther turns slightly in her direction before answering.

"After the paramedics leave with Merlin. We can't afford too many people being here at the same time. It will only draw attention. I wouldn't be surprised that this doesn't in the end." Uther answers calmly.

"And what do you think they are going to do with Mordred?"

"I don't know." Uther answers honestly.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Merlin was torn between frustration, heartbreak, and weariness. _**Frustration**_ because he was placed in a situation _again_ where his choice was taken away from him. **_Heartbreak_ ** because he did not know what Arthur would do once he found out Merlin was raped. _**Weariness** , _because it took everything out of him to tell the people he loved what happened to him. _Why_ did this happen to him? What will Arthur do? Arthur was a possessive, even jealous at times, what will he think when he finds out what has happened? Will things ever be the same between them? Hell, will he ever be the same again? This is the first time in Merlin's life where he actually did not have a clue of what to do. He was one hundred percent at a loss. And _worse_ , there was no one to blame for this but himself. He couldn't blame Mordred, he was a victim of circumstance. He couldn't blame Arthur, what he do but love him. No, there was no one else.

Merlin saw the long looks sent his way from Morgana, Gwaine, Gwen, and even Uther. He doesn't want their pity. He doesn't think he can handle pity at the moment. He doesn't know what he can handle. He just wants to stop feeling dirty. To stop feeling pain. He wants to stop feeling like the victim for once in his life.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

"I'm.. I'm going to check on the others." Gwaine says, his voice is trembling and there is a look in his eye that is not quite right. Merlin squeezes his hand and Gwaine turns to him. They share a look. "I'm alright Merlin. I promise. I'm just going to check on the others." Gwaine tries to give his best smile that didn't quite meets his eyes. Hell, it wasn't even close.

Merlin continues to look at Gwaine but after a few more seconds he lets his eyes release him. Gwaine will do what Gwaine will do anyway and at this moment, it does not seem that he will relent.

Gwaine turns to Morgana. "Look out for him, yeah."

Gwaine and Morgana share a completely _different_ look brown eyes meeting grey, that couldn't mean anything more than, **_go get that bastard_** , she nods and replies. "You know I will."

Gwaine turns again to look at Merlin, then to Morgana once, glances at the others and leaves the room.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Gwaine walks into the room just in time to see Cornelius' attempt to get up while the guys have their backs turned and leaps  on him immediately. He did not need another reason to attack Cornelius, his reason was lying in bed in a cellar beaten, broken, bloodied, and _raped_. The guys barely caught Gwaine's entrance into the room before he is pummeling Cornelius. Boxing him with closed fists without pulling any punches back boxing Cornelius in the face repeatedly, his stomach, and kicking him with all of his pent up rage and emotions as the Percival, Leon, and Lancelot work together managing pull him off.

"Gwaine" Percival is trying to calm him down.

"No!" Gwaine shots.

"Gwaine, calm down." Leon tries.

"No, I will _not_ calm down! You haven't _seen_ what this bastard has done to Merlin! Its _his_ fault. I don't care if he is Cornelius, Cenred, or Mordred himself. He deserves to die.

A sharp intake of breath is heard in the room and everyone turns to hear Arthur returning back from the kitchen. Apparent to all that he heard everything that Gwaine just said.

"Well, he's out cold again, and I doubt he will be moving right away, yeah." Elyan says in a calming tone trying to keep the peace.

"Merlin says he can't die." Gwaine manages to get out in his frustration.

_"What?"_ Arthur tone is hoarse. With a sigh a relief inside to know that Merlin is awake and a shudder of pain to know that he is hurting.

"Merlin said that Mordred told him that the curse prevents him from dying an unnatural death."

"That explains his quick recovery time." Lancelot says. "I knew I got some punches on him but it did nothing to him." The guys nod in agreement.

"He deserves to die!" Gwaine says, nostrils flaring in anger.

"No, he _doesn't_ "

Says someone from behind the group. Everyone turned to see a young blonde headed woman. She was beautiful. Clear, radiant skin with a glow to it, vibrant blonde hair cascading her shoulders, and jeweled green eyes. She barely wore any makeup, light green eyeshadow to offset her eyes and a jubilee colored red lipstick.

"Who are you?" Uther asked coldly as he walks into the room.

"My name is Isolda Denison and I was sent here."

"By whom."

"I don't know specifically. I have visions. I have had visions for quite some time, but over the past several months, I have had visions of him (pointing to Mordred), of this place, and of this event. I was sent to save him."

"You are a seer" Gwaine observes still breathing a little heavily from his attack on Cornelius. Everyone turns to look at him. "What, I've read the Arthurian Legends." He says in that way he does as if _that_ answers all questions of his knowledge.

Isolda looks at Gwaine almost respectably and in acknowledgement responds. "Yes, I am."

"Tie him up more. He keeps getting up." Arthur orders.

"Don't hurt him!" Isolda says in retort.

"Look lady, I don't know who you are and right now I frankly don't give a dam. It is because of this man that my boyfriend is downstairs in some cellar in a state that I have no idea of yet. This man, you hear me. I don't _care_ if it was Mordred, or Cenred, or this Cornelius because technically, they are all the same people." Arthur states and his tone is cold and dangerous.

"Technically, they are not one in the same. That is why I am here." Isolda responds equally as cold.

"We were told that there was no way to save him." Arthur responds clearly agitated.

"There would have been no reason not to believe it as I am understanding that I am the last remaining ancestor to the line of Madeline Hengist, the gypsy that cursed this young man's ancestral line to a lifetime of punishment. My grandmother was given away for adoption. The records were sealed. She died a few years ago but she was connected to the line as am I."

"Are you saying that there is a way to fix him?" Leon, asks the question that is on all of their minds.

"I have been sent because Mordred is different from the others. He has redeemed his family line through his sacrifices that he has made and has attempted to make. He is indeed _good_. I have been sent to reverse the curse."

"By whom." Gwaine questions.

"I would assume by the Gods themselves by the way they have condemned this land. I may not have had my magic long but I can feel the rejection of the land here and the cries of the tormented. I can feel the dark magic stirring inside of Mordred. It was meant to bring about a horrible fate. If Mordred dies it will in no way change the effect of the earth itself, no fulfillment of the balance. The curse is still in effect until it is reversed. It can only be broken if the curse itself is broken and that can only be broken if he is free to live without the curse residing as a source inside of him. If you have done your research of this area you will know that all of the events that have occurred to to this land did not happen at once. It happened over time and will continue to happen, it will keep spreading until there is nowhere else for it to spread."

"Just, just what are you saying?" Arthur questions.

"I am saying that a curse of this magnitude has the potential of changing your world as you know it _forever_. It should have never been done to begin with." Isolda answers in a bleak tone.

"I am no expert on anything magic related but do you even know what cursed was used?" Uther questions.

"The spell is in my head. I don't know how, I don't even know how I found this place. But I do know that I am supposed to be hear and that I am supposed to help him. Something else lead me here. Please, we need to keep him bound properly to prevent him from breaking free and attacking but not to harm him. The other personalities are the same ones from the time of the curse's conception, they will no doubt attempt to fight the reversal of the curse itself as it brings an end to their existence. If we bind him I will render him then in a deep state of unconsciousness that will block their interference until the spell is complete while protecting you as well."

"How do we know that this isn't some trick, to make us believe that you are helping Mordred only to release him?" Arthur questions suspiciously.

"Because this isn't some trick. I was awoken to my magic months ago. I saw with my seers powers for a few years before that but when I felt my magic, I saw Mordred. I didn't know who he was but I felt something dark about him. It _scared_ me. My late grandmother did the research of our family history in her time when she found out she was adopted. She searched until she found that she, my mother, and I were the only ones left. But my mom died in a plane crash. I received the sight shortly after her death. The magic came to me on my twenty-fifth birthday, the same day that the curse began for Mordred. Do you think it is a coincidence that everything including our birth dates fall into place? I think not! Now please, we don't have a lot of time. There is a full moon tonight and a spell this dark and of this magnitude can only be potent enough during a full moon or we will have to wait. I am guessing that none of us want to do that do we?" No one responded to that. Isolda takes a deep breath before continuing. "Look, I know that you all still and will have questions for me and I will answer them to the best of my capability but we have to work together now or there will be no end to this for anyone."

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

While the others began to work with Isolda to put things together in preparation of the spell along with securing Cornelius, Arthur took this as his opportunity to go see Merlin. He felt like it was the longest walk of his life. What would he say? What would he do? This was all his fault? _All of it!_ What if there relationship is not strong enough to survive everything that has happened? What if they could not overcome? Relationships have failed for half of the things that they have been through. Can they survive this too? All of the questions continued to go through Arthur's mind as he made it to the cellar.

The first thing that Arthur noticed was when Morgana's eyes lifted up to stare back at his almost sensing his presence. The hurt in those eyes were like a stab in the gut to Arthur. He never wanted to see that look in his sister's eyes ever again. The pain that was present there. The next person he noticed was Gwen and upon listening closely he was able to hear the quiet sobs coming from her. Finally, he dared to lower his sights to look at Merlin in the bed. His clothes were changed but there was no hiding the bruises and the blood that was clearly beneath the surface, that was _still visible_. So much..blood. Arthur's breath was caught in his throat, he almost forgot how to breathe. Time stood still for a few minutes. It could have been hours because he lost all focus of everything but was in that bed beaten and battered. All focus of anything else that wasn't Merlin. One foot moving on automatic one foot at a time on shaky and trembling legs did Arthur make it to Merlin's bedside.

It looked like Merlin was sleeping at first but almost like Morgana he must have sensed Arthur's presence because he forcefully opened his eyes turning ever so slightly to lock on to Arthur's. They held. The brokenness in Merlin's expression completely shattered all of Arthur's thoughts. The _pain_ there, the _despair_ , along with something else that Arthur couldn't name that would go along with Merlin's expressions before it was masked into something else for _Arthur's sake_ to spare him the pain. _Typical_ Merlin.

Arthur didn't notice Morgana and Gwen's eye contact, he didn't notice their mutual silent decision to give him and Merlin time alone, he barely registered when they leaned in to kiss Merlin, and he certainly did not notice when they left the room. Arthur's eyes never left Merlin's and Merlin's never left Arthur's. Blue meeting blue holding for what felt like ages until Merlin took the moment to call Arthur's name.

_"Arthur."_

Arthur broke contact in that instance and he felt like he was able to breathe again. He felt he lungs loosen and the pressure constricting his heart began to ease. All from hearing that voice, Merlin's voice calling his name. Tears started to shed like a dam that had a cracked and finally had enough of the water pressure that needed a release.

"Merlin." Arthur sobbed. Through watery eyes he looked at Merlin, really _looked_ at him. Merlin was in such much pain and it looked like he was trying to hold it altogether to not worry anyone. It was so like Merlin to keep everything bottled up. Arthur may not have been around Merlin as long as everyone else had but he has taken the time to study him. How can he not, he loves him. Merlin means _everything_ to him. Arthur may not have had a PHD on everything that made up the essence of Merlin but he was coming pretty darn close, and he was still learning. He wanted to _continue_ learning. Arthur didn't know that his heart was capable of loving someone as much as he loves Merlin, that his heart could expand to love even more until this very moment.

"Merlin." Arthur repeats, voice hoarse with tears and emotions that have been bottled up. " _I_.. I .. am _so sorry._ " Arthur manages to get out. Arthur doesn't know how he managed to sit down, or when he managed to reach out to take one of Merlin's hands intertwining them but he knows he is apologizing like a song. It is Merlin that tugs him closer to speak clearly and plainly.

"Arthur.." Merlin struggles take a deep breath but manages it barely before trying again. " _Arthur,_ look at me.. please."

Arthur, ashamed at that moment after a few seconds lifts his eyes casting them on Merlin's. How can Merlin look at him like _that?_ With such adoration and love when he is in so much pain. When it is _Arthur's fault_. His thoughts are cut off as Merlin continues.

Merlin, _immediatel_ _y_ sensing the reason behind Arthur's distress cuts to the heart of the matter. "Arthur, _this_ , none of this. None of this is your fault."

"Merlin.. _please_." Arthur begged, not wanting to be off the hook.

"Arthur, no. Did you _ask_ Mordred to take interest in me?! Did you _ask_ him to become infatuated with me?! Did you _ask_ him to abduct me?! Did you _ask_ him to attack me, _to_.." Merlin's cuts himself off at that taking a deep breath because he can't even say that part of what happened out loud, not to himself and definitely not to Arthur, _not yet_.

Arthur understood exactly what Merlin did not want to say and it _hurt_. It hurts because it feels like this has been taken away from them. Their openness when those words really mattered, when it needed to be said. Leaving a gaping hole of something else starting with the letter **m** and ending with the letter **y** spelling the word **_misery_**.

Merlin takes possibly the little strength he has and pulls Arthur closer to him. Arthur moves knowing what Merlin is attempting to do because he is afraid Merlin may hurt himself. He can almost feel Merlin's pain in his movements. Lightly, ever so lightly Arthur leans in to Merlin foreheads barely touching.

"There was _nothing_ that you could have done, Arthur."

"I love you, _so much_. I have _never_ loved anyone as much as I love you Merlin. _I can't_.. I can't _lose you_." Arthur whispers to Merlin.

"I know.. I know you do and you will _never_ lose me, Arthur." Wincing a little in the motion but having to do it anyway Merlin reaches out and places his hands on both sides of Arthur's face to take a _good look_ at him sharing things with Arthur that words could never express before continuing. "I love you too. And look, you.. you found me."

Looking at Merlin with such _raw_ emotion, such _devotion_ , he responds. "I will _always_ find you." Arthur said with such a fierceness that Merlin couldn't doubt him if he tried because he knew what Arthur was saying was not only just for him but for Arthur as well. It was a _vow_.

_"I know.. I know._ _"_ Merlin responds as Arthur leans in slowly to kiss his cheek.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was this chapter?
> 
> Do you like the solution for Mordred or would you have preferred he died? 
> 
> Did you enjoy the moment between Merlin and Arthur? That took the longest for me. This chapter was completed with everything except for that moment. I wanted that moment to be just right. How did I do? Was it too much, too little?
> 
> How about Isolda's appearance, the scenes with the gang, the reactions in the room with Merlin? How did I do? I want to hear from you!


	24. The Recovery Process Begins - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang deals with Mordred while Arthur deals with Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with this chapter. I waited for as long as I could for enough responses and then I got a little discouraged along the way due to the lack of it. 
> 
> I know some of you were unhappy with my decision not to kill Mordred. I am assuming this from some comments and the lack of comments received in chapter 23. Though after consideration and the posting of the chapter 24 alternate ending I have decided to allow Mordred to live as written in chapter 23.
> 
> My reasoning is based on a few things. For one, Merlin needs closure. Death is a means of finality but only for the one that has died and not for those who are left behind. Mordred's dying would not solve the problem and Mordred also deserved a chance to redeem himself. The story may not be based on him but he is part of the stumbling block that has been placed before Merlin and Arthur on their journey. All other stumbling blocks had an end, this one should too.   
> And as the author, I did what I thought was right.
> 
> With that being said, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

  


_"How do we know that this isn't some trick, to make us believe that you are helping Mordred only to release him?" Arthur questions suspiciously._

_"Because this isn't some trick. I was awoken to my magic months ago. I saw with my seers powers for a few years before that but when I felt my magic, I saw Mordred. I didn't know who he was but I felt something dark about him. It scared me. My late grandmother did the research of our family history in her time when she found out she was adopted. She searched until she found that she, my mother, and I were the only ones left. But my mom died in a plane crash. I received the sight shortly after her death. The magic came to me on my twenty-fifth birthday, the same day that the curse began for Mordred. Do you think it is a coincidence that everything including our birth dates fall into place? I think not! Now please, we don't have a lot of time. There is a full moon tonight and a spell this dark and of this magnitude can only be potent enough during a full moon or we will have to wait. I am guessing that none of us want to do that do we?" No one responded to that. Isolda takes a deep breath before continuing. "Look, I know that you all still and will have questions for me and I will answer them to the best of my capability but we have to work together now or there will be no end to this for anyone."_

**

 

"Do you need anything special for this spell?" Morgana asked.

 

 

"Not necessarily, all of the elements are here to my understanding. I have brought incense and candles with me but as far as what is needed we have everything else in place as it was when the spell originated. We may not have the original people but we are of their blood." Isolda answers confidently.

 

 

"I do ask if we could wait until the ambulance comes to pick up Merlin and Arthur. They should be here in a few more minutes. The less people knowing what is really happening, the better." Uther orders.

 

 

"That is fine."

 

 

"Do you _really_ think that Arthur won't want to stay for this?" Leon asked.

 

 

"I don't think that is such a good idea." Uther responds as if he is still thinking of the idea.

 

 

"I think that Arthur will want to be wherever Merlin is." Gwen responds though it seemed she was a little doubtful too given the situation.

 

 

"He _would_ , but he would also want some closure." Gwaine replied knowingly.

 

 

"We will just have to give him both then." (Uther mutters to himself aloud) "Morgana and I will stay behind.. (Uther turned to Morgana knowing she was about to object but held up a hand) .. Morgana and I will stay behind with you all and once the spell has been reversed we will follow Merlin and Arthur to the hospital. We'll take Gwen with us Lance. (Lance nodded gratefully) I'll put in a call for another ambulance to come to take Mordred from here to the hospital where he will be treated and evaluated fully. We will go from there. Once the ambulance comes for Mordred we can all meet up at the hospital. (Uther still thinking turns to Isolda) You can come along with us as well, in case you are needed further."

 

 

"I can do that to check in on Mordred and to answer any additional questions if you have it before I head back home." Isolda replies.

 

 

"We _will_ talk. For now I am going to check on Merlin and Arthur and tell Arthur what we have planned." Uther said as he turned in the direction of the cellar.

 

 

"He won't like it." Morgana stated almost defiantly.

 

 

Uther stands still for a moment and turns toward Morgana. "He won't have to like it, he just has to do it. His top priority should be to Merlin. We'll take care of the rest." Uther countered and continued in the direction of the cellar.

 

 

Uther understands full well what Arthur is going through. Uther has suffered personal losses in his life too. But one thing he knows for certain is that Arthur would _never_ forgive himself if something happened to Merlin and he was not there because he wanted to have control over a situation that he could have left to someone else. Arthur would never admit it now but he will see reason later, maybe when he is older to understand that sometimes decisions that are made do not always sound like the best but they are with good reason. Sometimes the hard choices are not always the popular ones. And when in doubt, that's where you are fortunate to have a parent to step in to make that choice. A parents dream is the hope that one day their children will appreciate the efforts and the sacrifices that were made on their behalf. Hopefully they will, Uther thinks to himself.

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

_"There was_ nothing _that you could have done, Arthur."_

 

_"I love you,_ so much _. I have_ never _loved anyone as much as I love you Merlin._ I can't _.. I can't_ lose you _." Arthur whispers to Merlin._

 

_"I know.. I know you do and you will never lose me, Arthur." Wincing a little in the motion but having to do it anyway Merlin reaches out and places his hands on both sides of Arthur's face to take a_ good look _at him sharing things with Arthur that words could never express before continuing. "I love you too. And look, you.. you found me."_

 

_Looking at Merlin with such_ raw _emotion, such_ devotion, _he responds. "I will_ always _find you." Arthur said with such a fierceness that Merlin couldn't doubt him if he tried because he knew what Arthur was saying was not only just for him but for Arthur as well. It was a_ vow.

 

 

"I know.. I know." _Merlin responds as Arthur leans in slowly to kiss his cheek._

** 

Arthur takes a moment just to breathe in Merlin's scent, to find _him_. He closes his eyes and brushes his nose against Merlin's cheek after he leans back from the kiss.

 

 

"How are you feeling?" Arthur asks Merlin wearily.

 

 

"Do you want me to lie or do you want the truth?"

 

 

"I need to know the truth."

 

 

Merlin looks at Arthur with tears pooling slightly holding in the corners of his eyes as he responds. "I feel like a mack truck has run over me and someone hit me with a hammer in the back of my head."

 

 

Arthur clinches his jaw to hold back the emotions that he is struggling to contain. He has Merlin in front of him. In his arms. He has to be strong for him. Instead, he leans in again lightly resting his forehead against Merlin to block out his expression and continues.

 

 

(Arthur takes a deep breath) "We're going to make sure that you are alright. The paramedics are on the way."

 

 

"I'm _tired_ Arthur." Merlin whispers out, exhausted. Almost like he was waiting for Arthur all this time before he went back to sleep.

 

 

"I know you are but I need you to stay awake, Merlin. I need you to stay awake for me. If your head is hurting that bad you more than likely have a concussion. I need you to focus on me. Can you do that?" Arthur pulls back to look in Merlin's eyes. 

 

 

"Yes."

 

 

"Good." Arthur kisses Merlin very lightly on the lips, barely touching. He stiffens slightly when he feels the tension from Merlin in the action. It is a quick motion, a reflex, from Merlin that would be barely noticeable if it were anyone but Arthur holding him. Arthur swallows because he knows why Merlin did it and it makes him hate this situation even more. He has a feeling that Merlin has also picked up on his motions as well when he starts to speak again.

 

 

"Arthur.." Merlin calls out hesitantly

 

 

Arthur leans back up to look at Merlin after masking his expression of hurt. Though Arthur is looking at Merlin like he is the only person in the world right now. "Yes."

 

 

"..Th..There is something that I need to tell you." Merlin says hesitantly like he really does not want to be saying anything at all regarding what he needs to say.

 

 

Arthur could feel the tension in the room like a rippled wave and understood perfectly where the conversation was leading. But looking at Merlin, his state emotionally and physically decided that conversation should wait for another time.

 

 

"Whatever it is, its obvious it is bothering you. We'll talk about it later. After we get you to the hospital to make sure that you are okay." (Arthur pauses) "You've been through a lot Merlin, you need to keep up your strength. Whatever you have to say will be okay. We'll.. we'll make it through _together_." Arthur says softly as he leans in a lightly brushes his lips with Merlin's once more. This time Merlin did not show any tension in the motion. Arthur _smiles_ inside.

 

 

It was at that moment for some reason Merlin realized that Arthur _knew_ , and if he did not know for sure he certainly guessed it. And it absolutely terrified him because now he was even more afraid to have this conversation. Though Arthur was right, Merlin does not even think he is strong enough to handle that conversation.

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Arthur heard footsteps behind him and turned around to see his father coming towards him. He called Arthur's name quietly at the same time that Arthur noticed it was him."

 

 

"Arthur." Uther called out softly.

 

 

Arthur leans in to Merlin for a brief moment again just to tell him that he will be right back. Gives him another gentle kiss before getting up and walking over to Uther. Uther looked away from the picture of them, it seemed too private of a moment.

 

 

"Father?"

 

 

"How is he, Arthur?"

 

 

Arthur looked back to Merlin for a moment to ensure that he wasn't listening before turning back to Uther. "He is a lot stronger than I think any of us can give him credit for but I also think he is holding it all in for our benefit. Physically, I think he will be fine once we get him to the hospital after a few days, _mentally and emotionally_... I am worried about that the most." Arthur says running a hand through his hair and pacing slightly in their small circle.

 

 

"He will be fine, Arthur, because he has you." Uther says assuredly.

 

 

"The hell of a lot of good its done for him-" Arthur snapped.

 

 

Uther immediately cuts off Arthur. "Enough, Arthur! I refuse to have you blame yourself for any of this. Now we have everything taken care of on our end. Isolda is gathering the few items needed for the spell. As soon as you leave with Merlin she will be able to cast it."

 

 

"What will we do with Mordred then?"

 

 

"We will have him evaluated to see if he is stable. It will do us no good to have him arrested for something he had no control over but we will not let him out and about if he is unstable."

 

 

"I can't _think_ about him right now. I don't think I can ever forgive him no matter whose fault this was."

 

 

Uther paused before responding, "Maybe, but right now you have Merlin to think about-"

 

 

"I don't think I can leave without seeing this through-"

 

 

"You _can_ and you _will_. There is nothing else you can do right now that has not been done already. Let me and your sister handle this. Merlin needs you right now and its not like you need to be present for the spell." (Uther softens his tone) "You can't do it all, Arthur. You are not responsible for everything that happens."

 

 

Arthur knows his father is right. He feels responsible for this though, he can't help it. He needs to know that Mordred is no longer a threat and he does need to be there with Merlin, that is his top priority. 

 

 

"Text me with updates?" Arthur responds quietly and Uther knows he's got him.

 

 

"I will. You do the same to keep us informed of Merlin's progress."

 

 

"Alright." Arthur responds.

 

 

"Arthur." Morgana calls out as she walks into the room. "How are you both?"

 

 

"I am fine, its Merlin everyone should be worried about."

 

 

Morgana had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at the comment and Uther turned the other way. Arthur is most definitely _not fine!_ But they will play along, _for now._

 

 

"Is he still awake?"

 

 

"He struggling to stay awake but he is."

 

 

"I came down here to tell you that the paramedics have arrived. I informed them of Merlin's condition, Father did as well apparently so they will be prepared to treat him properly. They also called ahead to the hospital to have everything prepared. I asked them to hold off a second just to let you know what was happening first." Morgana finished keeping a watchful eye on Arthur throughout this. Knowing that she will have to help pick up the pieces later.

 

 

"Thank you, you can send them down now."

 

 

Arthur and Morgana were both startled for a moment when Uther pulled them both into an awkward hug kissing them both on the top of their heads like the children that they are, _to him anyways._ "It is going to be alright. We will pull through this together, as a family, like we always do." 

 

 

They each had to do their awkward turns after that to make sure that their eyes were not wet, but the moisture was definitely there. They nodded in agreement with the other before going there separate ways. Nothing else could be said in that moment without falling apart.

 

 

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Everything went a little faster after that. The technicians came in and gently looked over Merlin first to ensure there was no damage to his spine and neck before moving him. With that not being the case they were able to lift him gently on to the stretcher with Arthur trailing close holding Merlin's hand the entire time and the paramedic had to pull it away to look over Merlin again.

 

 

As they were being lead out Arthur took a moment to take in Mordred's bloodied form from the beating he received from Gwaine, still tied to the chair and unconscious. He looked around to his friends, he looked to his father and sister once more for reassurance, and received gentle hugs from both Morgana and Gwen. Morgana and Gwen also leaned in to kiss Merlin on the cheek. Gwaine squeezed his hand telling Merlin to hang in there. With that they were being lead to the ambulance.

 

 

Morgana had to wonder where did these paramedics people come from because they took in the scene while yet not actually taking in the scene. A man beaten and raped in a cellar, another beaten and bound in the sitting room with a crowd of people and no questions. She wondered where her father found them and decided that she really didn't care as long as everything was going to be alright.

 

 

After they watched the ambulance pull off in unison they then turned back to Isolda for the task at hand.

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

With everyone looking to Isolda she understood that she could begin but she knew there were certain instructions that needed to be given to them first.

 

 

"Before we start, I need to tell you all that this spell will require silence from each of you. As much as possible. I cannot break my concentration once started. This is powerful magic, and though it is from my family line I do not have much experience in this area. If you feel you are unable to be quiet I would ask for you to leave the room now." Isolda warned. _No one budged._

 

 

"Very well, be advised when using dark magic there are times when things will change during the spell. It could be from me, from Mordred, or the atmosphere around us. I am not sure but I have read about the usage of dark magic before. If this occurs I would ask that you not interfere until the spell is complete. Are we all in agreement before I proceed?" Isolda looked around the room receiving nods from each one present. "Then we will begin."

 

 

With a simple spell the candles and the incense lit and burned automatically and there was a different feeling in the atmosphere. A current. It sent chills down the spine. Morgana shivered and Leon wrapped his arms around her. As she looked around she noticed that everyone else was looking uneasy for the moment too.

 

 

They watched as Isolda stepped before Mordred and started to chant:

 

 

_In the name of the Gods and all ye Spirits_  
In the name of Kernunnos and the light and the dark  
And the Gods of the Netherworld, Here my call and plea  


_With all elements present and magic verse_  
I call to you to turn around this wicked curse.  
As these words of mine are spoken  
Let this evil spell be broken.

 

_No harm may come from the cancellation of this spell. No further power shall it have.  
This is my will - so it is - so let it be._

 

  


The others watched on as the atmosphere became even more dense in the room. As Isolda continued to repeat the spell they noticed some of the changes she mentioned might occur. The candle flames begin to burn higher than before. After the spell was read three times Mordred's eyes open wide and they burned gold. On the forth chant they felt a tremor, not high on magnitude, but enough to be considered a minor earthquake tremor. On the fifth chant it sounded like the skies fell out as the rain began to pour with the sounds of thunder and the visions of lightning. It had not rained in this location for hundreds of years.

 

 

After the fifth chant they heard Isolda say, "It is finished."

 

 

It took a moment for everyone in the room to gather their wits about them. It was clear that all present were a little shakened, though they would probably never admit that. It was still raining outside and it was still thundering and lightning.

 

 

"How do you know that it is finished?" Uther questioned.

 

 

"The atmosphere feels different than before. The land feels more at peace and I do not sense the darkness of it as I did when I first arrived." Isolda responded after a moment.

 

 

"Is he going to wake up soon?" Leon asked looking towards Mordred.

 

 

"No, the spell has taken a lot out of him. His body is also going to have to adjust to the changes. I am not certain how long he will be out for but it could be a while." Isolda responds.

 

 

"Good, that will give us time to get him where he needs to be." Uther comments, already on his phone preparing the next group of paramedics for arrival.

 

 

"Will he remember?" Morgana asked.

 

 

"I am not sure, we will find out once he awakes, but I would think that he would."

 

 

"Its a horrible thing to remember." Gwen states.

 

 

"It is, but it would serve as a reminder if he does. A reminder of the past, a reminder of the present, and a reminder of the redemption that was given." Isolda says as she looked on at Mordred.

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________  


 

When they arrived to the hospital everything moved fast for Merlin and Arthur. Apparently Morgana was right, they were completely prepared. Doctors were on standby, along with nurses, and their was also a therapist present. Father thought of everything, Arthur thought to himself. They even had a private suite reserved in the furthest wing of the hospital. Arthur assumed this is where they kept the important people, it paid to be a Pendragon in these circumstances.

 

 

He was able to stay with Merlin at first until he was pulled away for testing. Now Arthur is alone in Merlin's room with his thoughts. Thoughts can be dangerous. Arthur continued to pace back and forth wondering what was going to happen next. He received the text stating that the spell was broken and that Mordred was still unconscious. One thing is complete. Arthur still did not know how he felt about that. He can't think about it as long as his thoughts remained on Merlin.

 

 

How is he going to deal with this? How are they going to deal with this? This is new territory for Arthur. The one thing that Arthur does understand is that they will not be able to do it unless they do it together. He _loves_ Merlin, no question. He is going to have to be supportive, and he is going to have to learn patience. Arthur almost rolls his eyes at his own thoughts. Patience was definitely, _not_ his virtue. Though he knows he will have to try. He has Morgana, Gwen, the gang, and even his father to support him and Merlin.

 

 

Arthur never thought that his father would be part of the equation but it seemed that this crisis has brought their family together. It made them stronger. That gives Arthur the extra strength and courage needed to fight this coming battle, because there is no doubt about it, _this is_ a coming battle. Arthur was so deep in thought he barely noticed the doctor coming in the room.

 

 

  
"Arthur Pendragon?" The doctor asked for confirmation. He was a tall older man. Heavy set with a beard.

 

 

"Yes."

 

 

  
"It is nice to meet you, though I am sorry its under these circumstances. I am a friend of your father's, My name is Dr. Monmouth and I will be overseeing Merlin's treatment and progress here."

 

 

"How is he?"

 

 

  
"I'm not going to lie to you, Mr. Pendragon, Mr. Emrys has a long road ahead of him. He has lost a lot of blood, he has a major concussion, and he is being treated for rape." (Arthur winced) "Now that is the short version." (Arthur wonders if this doctor has any bedside manners at all but nods allowing him to continue). "We took him for an EKG and a head CT scan, both were conclusive of the head trauma. He has been taken now for an MRI scan of the brain. We need to check for any internal bleeding as well any additional swelling of the brain and brain activity. When Mr. Emrys was brought in we were already told that he was in and out of consciousness for quite some time. This was also confirmed by Mr. Emrys himself. He also suffered from a seizure shortly after his admittance before he was taken in for the head CT scan-"

 

 

"Is he alright?"

 

 

"He has been sedated. The MRI will be able to tell us more. We were able to stabilize him and stop any visible bleeding, it does not look like he has any broken bones but he does show signs of shock, and muscle weakness on both his right and left sides. This may become a problem when it is time for him to start walking again. There also seems to be some swelling of the brain that could be the reason for this as well. We will know more once the MRI is complete and we run more test."

 

 

Arthur runs a hand through his hair and attempts to breathe in deep a few times before asking. "And the rape treatment?" Arthur does not know how he managed asking that question but feels he needs to know everything just in case Merlin sees the need to protect him from it later.

 

 

  
"We have taken test for STDs but have not received the results back yet. We have also treated him and made him.. more comfortable. Though, the head trauma is the top priority at the moment along with checking for any internal bleeding." The doctor paused, Arthur picked up on it.

 

 

"What is it, doctor?

 

 

  
"It may be nothing."

 

 

"It may something." Arthur responded quickly.

 

 

"When we questioned Mr. Emrys about the events to treat him better he barely mentioned anything about the rape. If we had not known he may have let it go. Be prepared in knowing that this is a sensitive issue for him. I think his shock is more centered there than anywhere else. I am keeping the therapist on hand to speak with him after we have the test results back and have treated him for the head trauma and any other injuries."

 

 

  
"I sensed similar." Arthur responded more to himself than to the doctor.

 

 

"The next 24 to 48 hours is going to be critical for Mr. Emrys. We will learn more once the MRI comes back along with the other test results. I will keep you posted of any changes in the meantime as well and as soon as the MRI and the other test are complete I will have the nurses bring him up to his room." The doctor finished in a softer tone.

 

 

  
"Thank you, doctor."

 

 

The doctor nodded and left the room leaving Arthur alone to his thoughts once more and Arthur couldn't help it. For the first time in all this mess he slid down the wall of the hospital room and broke down and truly cried the tears he has been attempting to hold back all along.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:
> 
>  
> 
> Merlin's full treatment and remaining diagnosis is in.  
> How will everyone cope with what has happened?   
> Merlin and Arthur begin to talk about the unmentioned subjects.
> 
>  
> 
> Show some love and leave a review, subscribe if you haven't, or leave a kudos. It means more to me than you could possibly know.


	25. The Recovery Process Begins - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's diagnosis is in and he goes for surgery, Arthur tries to keep it together, Morgana attempts to take charge, and Uther is being parental.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note, I edited the summary to the story. Let me know what you think. If the prior summary was better I will change it back. I edited more to match the story content itself.

  
Conclusion of chapter 24

_"The next 24 to 48 hours is going to be critical for Mr. Emrys. We will learn more once the MRI comes back along with the other test results. I will keep you posted of_ any _changes in the meantime as well and as soon as the MRI and the other test are complete I will have the nurses bring him up to his room." The doctor finished in a softer tone._

_"Thank you, doctor."_

_The doctor nodded and left the room leaving Arthur alone to his thoughts once more and Arthur couldn't help it. For the first time in all this mess he slid down the wall of the hospital room and broke down and truly cried the tears he has been attempting to hold back all along._

**

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Chapter 25  

 

* * * The Hospital * * *

  

The tears did not stop for a long time. Though it felt like hours it could have only been like several minutes before Arthur had the feeling that he was almost cried out. There was so much that had happened in such a little bit of time. Their trip, _their argument_ , their argument back at the flat, the abduction, the confrontation with Mordred, finding Merlin, and now _this_. _When_.. when will there be peace in all of this? Arthur rubbed his eyes with the bulbs of his palms and sighed. No one should have to go through this! He would not wish any of this upon his worse enemy and he could wish some things. Those who say what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger lied. They have not dealt with some of things he is dealing with now. Life should not be this difficult!

  

How are they going to get through this? Arthur pulled his hair hard and clinched his fists opening and closing it shut repeatedly. They will _find_ a way. His only prayer is that Merlin does not push away from him. They can do anything together but _separate_... Arthur could not complete the thought. 

  

Arthur felt a buzzing from his pocket and on reflex he pulled it out. His phone was flashing, a call from Morgana. Sighing he answers.

 

 "Morgana."

  

"How are you?"

 

 "I am fine, its Merlin you should be worried about."

  

"I am worried about the _both_ of you and your lying if you telling me you are fine. I can _feel_ it."

  

"Not the twin jibe thing _again_.."

  

"Its not a jibe you _know_ it isn't. We could always sense when the other was in pain. That _never_ changed ever since we were children."

  

" _Morgana_ -"

  

" _Arthur_ , don't.. _don't_ push me away. Don't shut down. You are going to need to hold it together for Merlin and you will not be able to if you close yourself off. _He will see through it_ and it will not help _either of you_."

 

 Arthur moved the phone away for a second and sighed. He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes. He pulled the phone back.

  

"Fine." Arthur responded in an almost exasperated tone. That's was all that she got but Morgana _smiled,_ it was so bright like she was handed over the bloody keys to the kingdom. Arthur could almost _sense_ her feelings through the phone and knew that he was done for. It made him shudder. If you gave Morgana an inch she would _definitely_ take a mile.

  

"How is Merlin?"

  

Arthur closed his eyes again and swallowed before responding. "He has a major concussion, he's in shock, ... he has had a seizure since he was brought in here." (He heard Morgana's gasp of breath) "There.. there is some swelling of the brain, but they do not know how bad it is yet until he's done with the test being ran. He.. the doctor also said that he seems like he is in denial about the rape." Arthur finished and Morgana sighed. She can hear it in Arthur's voice, the pain. She knew he was not _alright_.

  

"Is he in the room yet?"

  

"No, they are still running test."

  

"We'll talk more once we get there. We are pretty much done here. Father has done everything, Mordred is on the way to the hospital, and we are all going to take shifts with you while some of us can get some rest-"

  

" _Morgana_ -"

 

 "No, Arthur, that is _not_ a request. Father and I are _worried_ about you. You cannot help Merlin if you don't help yourself _too_. We will talk more once we get there but for now, know that I love you and that we will get through this.

 

 Arthur clinched his jaw tight trying to keep his emotions at bay. "We will talk further soon. I.. I love you too." Arthur hung up before saying anything further. He could not promise that he would leave Merlin's side. In fact, he did not think it was possible. He had been without Merlin for long enough now not knowing if he was dead or alive. He felt that if he did not look at Merlin hard enough, if he did not touch him enough, if they did not kiss enough, that Merlin might just _disappear_. It was such a thing that he could not possibly endure. It went beyond all limits of comprehension and he _knew_ that he would not be able to survive it.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  

 

* * * Unknown Location * * *

  

* * * Morgana's POV * * *

 

 Morgana needed a few more moments to herself before rejoining the others. She stood looking to the nights sky from the back of the cabin. The sky looked clear, radiant, it looked at _peace_. The stars were bright and the moon hung full. It looked like the craters shaped into a face. She never really took the time to imagine its beauty before, its _splendor_ , but her thoughts were drifting in different directions. She thought about everything that had transpired over the last few days, she thought about the past, and like Arthur, for the first time in a long time she finally _cried_. It almost felt too much. Merlin, Arthur, everyone. Its a little overwhelming. Though there is one thing that she knows for certain. If Merlin and Arthur can pull through this they will be able to pull through _anything_ , and she _knows_ beyond a shadow of a doubt that they can pull through this.

 

 She knows this with such a fierceness that she feels it inside of her gut and deep down in her bones. And when they have a doubt, which no doubt they will, _she will be there to remind them_. They _will_ make it through this, _together_. Arthur may _think_ he can hold it together and Merlin may _think_ he can deny things and push people away but that is not going to happen this time. Not if she has anything to say about it! They will _all_ get through this. They have suffered _enough_!

 

 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  

* * * Unknown Location * * *

  

After careful deliberation between Uther and Leon it was determined that it would be better for Uther to check on Morgana. The deciding factors were that they did not know what mood Morgana would be in and that she would not take her brooding mood out on the man who _helped conceive her_ into being. With that being said, Uther cautiously made his way out to the back of the cabin to check on his daughter. She was holding onto to herself, arms wrapped around her chest like she was trying to hold it all together. Just like she did when she was little and struggling with something difficult. But there was also the clinch of her chin and the look in her eyes that showed her determination. It was something that both she and Arthur did when they would set their minds on something. The look that meant business. That look that showed resolution and it was absolute. It always made him proud because it reminded him of Ygraine, they got those features and gestures from her.

 

 Sighing to himself he approached and wrapped one arm around Morgana's shoulders drawing her to him. She leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder.

  

"How are you holding up?" Uther said softly.

 

 "I'm fine, its not me -"

 

 "You sound like Arthur.." Morgana was going to push away but Uther held on tight. "The same rules that apply to him apply to you too you know. _No one_ is alone in all of this. We will work this out _together_ and as a family. He is going to need you but you are going to have to be whole yourself to help him -"

  

"I'm fine -"

  

" _Really?_ Because you did not look fine a few moments ago. You looked like you were barely holding it together but you were resigning yourself to -"

  

" _I_ am stronger than I look."

  

"Yes, yes you are, but you are _not_ invincible. You, _your brother_ , you are both extremely strong. I have raised some very intelligent, strong-willed, and all around _extraordinary_ children. I know your strengths and I _know_ your weaknesses. This is going to be hard on all of us but we will get through this, that I can assure you. But from here on out everyone needs to start being more open with the other and that _includes_ you. We all have tendencies to push others away when we are hurt."

  

"Including you?" Morgana asks, but they both _know_ it is not really a question. 

  

Uther looked for a moment, almost hesitant as if making a decision to show strength or weakness and then something clicked where his decision was made. "Yes, _including_ me." And just like that the moment was over and Uther was changing the conversation to something more comfortable for a Pendragon. "Everything is settled inside now, Mordred is being taken to the hospital and the car is ready for us. Leon is coming along with us too. Morgana nodded in response to that as they walked towards the front of the cabin.

 

Uther continued. "Lancelot and Gwaine are coming to the hospital while Percival and Elyan signs everyone into the hotel that I reserved while we are here. They are also going to rest up some. Isolda will be riding back with them but will come to the hospital later to check on Mordred's progress. We will stop in to the hospital and _hopefully_ pry Arthur away for a while." (Morgana rolled her eyes at that) Uther seeing that sighed in acknowledgement and some agreement. "Yes, I know the likelihood is slim but we will attempt it first. If he refuses I will arrange for a bed to be brought up to Merlin's room. It is big enough to my understanding to fit inside the room with Merlin." Morgana was listening, yes she was, but she still couldn't get what was said out of her head.

  

Morgana was still shocked from earlier. She never truly recovered from her father's previous comments to know what to say about it or how to process it. Their father _never_ talked to them like that before, never _complimented_ them like that before. She only wished Arthur were here with her to hear it. As it stands now he may not believe it for truth. She wished she had it recorded to playback, she was not sure whether she would be privileged enough to hear it again.

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 * * * The Hospital * * *

 

  
Somewhere in between the mist of all of the chaos Arthur managed to doze off while resting in a slumped position on the wall. The sound of Merlin's hospital room door opening made him stir and sit up straighter. Then he immediately got up at the sight of Dr. Monmouth. 

  
  
"Is there any new word, doctor? How is Merlin? Have the test results come in?"  Arthur asked, it was almost timid.

  
  
The doctor took one close look at Arthur, he looked like he was about to fall apart. He asked a question instead. "Mr. Pendragon, is there anyone else with you?"

  
  
"No, not yet. My father and my sister are on the way." 

  
  
Dr. Monmouth nodded before responding, "Would you like to wait for them to arrive to hear the results for support?"  
  


  
Pride and aggravation won off because Arthur clinched his jaw so tight it could have popped and he scowled at the doctor before responding, "Dr., I am more than capable of hearing whatever it is that you have to say. If you need to repeat the news to them when they arrive that is fine, _but for now_ , I want to know what the fuck is going on with my boyfriend."

  
  
The doctor looked stunned. "Mr. Pendragon, I did not by any means think you were incapable of hearing, I was only-"

  
  
Arthur sighed and quickly interjected, "I know what you meant, I'm sorry. There is a... (Arthur took a deep breath) "Please, just tell me what is going on with Merlin?"

  
  
The doctor nodded but looked at Arthur sympathetically before responding.   
  


  
"We received the results from the MRI and it is conclusive that Mr. Emrys is suffering from Severe Brain Trauma. That explains the seizure since he has been admitted and the numbness throughout his body along with the muscle weakness along his right and left sides. It is also conclusive that there is swelling in his brain and bleeding. (Arthur on impulse found the nearest chair in the room and sat down. He ran his hand over his face and rubbed the back of his neck while listening) The other injuries sustained were minor and shall heal naturally over the next few days. Those mainly came from the bite marks that we found on his body and the forced entry. (Arthur flinched and the doctor paused). We will have to do emergency surgery for the bleeding and to relieve some of the pressure from the brain. Again, as I mentioned before, the next 24 to 48 hours will be critical."

  
  
Arthur couldn't address anything that was being said, not right now. If he did he would fall apart and he could not and _would not_ fall apart in the presence of this doctor. He needed to process everything that was happening. "Can I see him before the surgery?"  
  


  
"Give us a few minutes, he is still being prepped now that he is back in emergency. We will have a nurse come and get you."

  
  
Numbed and shocked, but gathering his wits about him Arthur asks. "Did the other test come back as well for the STDs?"  
  


  
The doctor smiles at that. At least there maybe something on the lines of positive he could present he thinks before clearing his throat and continuing. "Yes, those results have come back in and have come back as negative. I think Mr. Emrys will be relieved to hear that news when he comes to."

  
  
Arthur sighs in relief himself. "Yes, he will, thank you doctor."  
  


  
The doctor nods advising that Arthur will be kept posted of any progress and leaves.  
  


  
Arthur only had a second to process the information before he heard the click clacking of high heeled shoes coming his way. He knew that sound from anywhere and without a doubt knew it was coming from his big sister. He chuckled to himself. He would never admit it, least of all to her due to her smugness at times, but he _needed_ her support right now. It only took another five seconds before dark hair was in his view and he was able to see the cavalry that she brought with her in his father, Gwen, and Leon.

  
  
After seeing the entrance the next thing he feels is Morgana slamming into him and pulling him up for a big gripping hug. He embraces her tightly and takes a deep breath of her perfume, he doesn't know which brand, just knows this is _Morgana_ and that he _needed_ this. They hold on tightly for a good thirty seconds before letting go. Arthur leaning and giving her a kiss on the cheek which was returned by Morgana. He was then pulled into another hug by Gwen, received a slap on the shoulder by Leon, and then a warm one armed hug _by his father_. _Another hug_ , Arthur thinks and then he looks towards Morgana seeing her smiling and nodding in the same look of surprise as he. They are clearly thinking the same thing but Arthur revels in it and holds on just a few seconds longer before letting go.

  
  
"How is he Arthur?" Morgana asked gently.  
  


  
Arthur swallows and blinks a few times before responding, in a tone that is a little detached. "The doctor came in a few moments ago to say that Merlin is suffering from Severe Brain Trauma and...  and that there is some swelling and bleeding of the... of the brain. (Morgana covers her mouth in horror and Arthur can hear Gwen gasping and Leon intake of breath) He had a seizure shortly after he came in. (Arthur takes a deep breath himself before continuing) His body is weak on both sides, the doctor is talking about physical therapy. (In a rush Arthur continues eyes watering but expression masked) He says that the next 24 to 48 hours will be critical. They are prepping him in for surgery now. They are going to let me see him first though before they take him in."  
  


  
Not sure whether that is everything and to allow a moment to process things Uther decides to do some checking himself. "I'm just going to go and check in with the doctor to see if there were any updates." He squeezes Arthur's shoulder. "I'll be right back, we need to talk about what to do next." Arthur nods, its automatic.

  
  
"Arthur, how are you holding up?" Gwen asked.  
  


  
Arthur attempts a smile for Gwen, its a travesty and he knows it but it is all that he's got. "I'm doing fine, Gwen. Thank you."  
  


  
Morgana rolled her eyes without even bothering to hide from Arthur. "Arthur have you had a chance to eat, freshen up at all while Merlin's been gone? You've been here for a few hours now." She asked tenderly.  
  


  
"I managed to doze off when we first arrived."

  
  
"What about food Arthur, have you eaten?" Gwen presses.

  
  
"I haven't thought about food." Arthur answered honestly.  
  


  
"Its alright. How about I go on a coffee run and also pick up some stuff for breakfast. Gwaine and Lancelot are on the way too. I think we are all hungry." Leon responds in his normal calm tone. This actually appeases Arthur because now it is not all about him and its about everyone else too. Not so much _woe is Arthur_.

  
  
"That sounds good, sweetheart." Morgana agrees tiptoeing up to give Leon a chaste kiss in response.

  
  
"Yes, thank you, Leon." Arthur says gruffly. 

  
  
Sensing Arthur and Morgana need some family time Gwen says. "I'll go with you Leon. I could do with the fresh air and you will probably need a hand with everything."  
  


  
"That's an excellent idea Gwen, I am sure that Leon would appreciate that." Morgana said with a big smile, its almost wicked.

  
  
Arthur almost rolled his eyes because that comment was as transparent as Morgana's expression when it was said, and it all plainly states _'set up'._

  
  
"Yes, thank you, Gwen." Leon agrees.

  
  
Though as always, Arthur, _being the gentleman that he is_ accepts another hug from Gwen and another shove from Leon before they leave like the traitors that they are. He closes his eyes and walks over to the window and begins to count 1, 2, 3, 4, and on _five_...  
  


  
"Ar -"

  
  
Arthur cutting off her off at the pass quick. "Morgana, _please,_ whatever it is you are about to say I don't think I can take it right now. I just need.. I need to process this. Without the lectures."

  
  
"Tough." Morgana responds stubbornly.

  
  
"What?" Arthur responds turning around.  
  


  
"I said, _tough_. You are not going to push me away and you are not going to wallow in self pity because I know what process means for you Arthur." Morgana responds.

  
  
"I _am not_ -"  
  


  
"Yes, _yes you are._   Arthur, in order to be there for Merlin you need to allow us to be here for you. That means listening and taking into consideration what we have to say. That means no pushing us away! This has been going on for a few days and look at yourself, you practically falling apart. What do you think will happen will happen if we don't intervene before you really begin to.. to _process_ as you say what is happening around you?"

  
  
Arthur raises up a hand in frustration and clinches it before letting it go and running it through his hair pulling tightly. Fortunately for both of them Arthur did not get a chance to answer that question. Knowing Arthur, Morgana may not have liked the response he was about to give considering how he is feeling right now.

  
  
A nurse hesitantly hovering in the door frame calls out to Arthur. "Mr. Pendragon, they are ready for you to see Mr. Emrys before he is taken into surgery." She says nervously, clearly noticing that she has interrupted something.

  
  
Arthur presses the bridge of nose and takes a deep breath before responding. "Thank you." He turns to look to Morgana. "And, _thank you_ , we'll talk when I get back."

  
  
Morgana's eyes tear up at that. "I'll be hear when you return." She pulls him in again for a quick hug before pulling back allowing him to leave.  
  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
  
Where they go, Arthur is uncertain. He knows he has gone down corridors and has taken the elevator. He sees the turns and sees the buttons pressed but it is like he is looking through different eyes and a different body because he is not there for the journey. It does give him a few moments to process some things though. Morgana may not feel that he needs it but Arthur does. Processing and putting things together is how he copes. He thinks about what the doctor said on the way and then thinks about what he is not saying. Arthur knows the doctor thought he was falling apart but Arthur also knows a few things about brain injuries at the level that the doctor was speaking of. Brain injuries that severe can be fatal. Merlin could die from this, he has already suffered seizures. He has bleeding and swelling of the brain. Thank God they made it to the hospital when they did. It would have been better if they got there earlier though. And this is where Morgana is going because Arthur's next thought was he didn't get there soon enough. Arthur swallows hard at that thought.  
  


  
He tries to think on a more positive note. The test results show that Merlin is negative for any sexually transmitted diseases. That is something that plagues the minds of victims for a while when they are raped. At least that is one less thing for Merlin to have to worry about. But then Arthur began to think that not all diseases show up positive immediately. Some show up over time like HIV. And then his thoughts plummet again because now he thinks they should test Mordred to really be on the safe side to assure Merlin that he is in the clear. Those thoughts open up another door that Arthur does not wish to have opened. Arthur sighs and attempts to think of something, anything else to take his mind off of the directions that its going.

  
  
He began to think about the first time he and Merlin met, their first dance, their first date, the first time they kissed, and the first time they made.. (Arthur shakes his head to clear his mind). Fortunately by the time he is through they make it to the surgery prepping room where he is allowed to see Merlin. The room is small, the walls painted white and plain. There are no windows, no additional life aside from Merlin's and now his and the nurse that led him into the room.

  
  
"I'll give you a few minutes, Mr. Pendragon." She says and touches his shoulder in a motherly way. She was old enough to be his mother, and that opened up another door of thought that Arthur needed closed right now.

  
  
"Thank you." 

  
  
Merlin looked so pale and _so small_. Arthur never really realized how small Merlin was. We have to fatten him up he resolves. He looked so still all hooked up to the machines, eyes closed where Arthur was unable to see those big beautiful blue eyes. Arthur walks slowly towards Merlin. He looks over Merlin face and leans in to give a gentle kiss to those lips that he loves to smother and gives gentle kisses to each cheek before sitting down and taking Merlin's hand in his.  
  


  
Looking over Merlin once more Arthur begins. "I wanted to see you before they took you in for your surgery. Not because I am here to say good-bye, no, not for that. But because I wanted to tell you that I love you and that _I know_ that you are going to pull through this. (Tears start to fall and Arthur continues a little hoarse) I was just thinking about the times we have shared together on the way in here and now I am thinking about the times that we are going _to keep sharing together_. There was never anyone else for me Merlin that can do the things that you do to me. (Deep breath) There was never anyone who could completely take me apart and put me back together again like you do and I love.. (Swallow) I love you _so damn much_. I don't think I will be able to sleep properly without you being in my arms. (Arthur wipes his eyes. He doesn't notice Uther waiting for him in the doorway but he continues) You.. _you are the biggest part of me_ and I need you Merlin so I am telling you that you will pull through this. You will pull through this and then we will deal with everything else together. (Arthur kisses Merlin's hand) Everything is going to be alright Merlin."  
  


  
Arthur kisses Merlin's hand again and then rises up to kiss his forehead and then his lips one more time. "I love you." He wipes his face with the back of his hand one more time to attempt to remove the tears before turning around with a start when noticing his father. Its too late to hide any more of his pain, Uther sees it clearly. But Uther surprises him, making it easy by tugging him forward in a hug and they walk out together.  
  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
The next few hours were long and painful. When Uther and Arthur arrived back to Merlin's hospital room and was pulled again into hugs from Morgana and Gwen now that she and Leon arrived back with the food. Arthur was also happy to see Gwaine and Lancelot now in tow. It made him happy to see all of the couples together but sad that his love was not with him at the moment. Uther managed to get enough chairs brought into the room allowing everyone to sit down together to eat and drink their coffees. The food was nothing special, bagels with cream cheese, doughnuts, and some pig in the blanket sandwiches. It wasn't the best but the food it hit the spot and the coffees quenched the thirst.  
  


  
Conversations were murmured between few and tensions were a little high as they waited to hear news of Merlin's progress. Gwen and Morgana went to the gift shop to purchase balloons, cards, and flowers to decorate Merlin's room as if he was planning on staying there for a while. The guys put on the tube to watch the game while Uther went back and forth out of the room. Arthur guessed it was to see if there was any news. Arthur answered questions minutely, he was there but like before, he wasn't. Everyone could tell. Gwaine tried to make a fool out of himself by falling and busting his ass on purpose on some banana peel that Arthur doesn't even know how it came to being on the floor and sighed when he realized that he couldn't even get a sincere smile out of his friend.  
  


  
After so many looks in his direction Arthur decides to tell everyone that he needs some fresh air. They looked pleased with that. Little did they know that Arthur went down a corridor and started pacing back and forth there. Arthur being such a startling handsome man, the nurses already took kindly to him and began to worry. Not shortly after Uther finds Arthur and Arthur finds himself being lead back to the room.

  
  
After what seems like forever of everyone trying to distract Arthur finally Dr. Monmouth comes into the room with another doctor. Arthur practically jumps to his feet and heads toward the doctors for answers.  
  


  
"I see you brought the cavalry this time." Dr Monmouth says politely.  
  


  
Arthur nods. "Yes, they finally arrived. How is Merlin?"

  
  
"Well first let me introduce to you Dr. Hector Young, he assisted me in the surgery for Mr. Emrys considering the delicateness of the procedure." Everyone nods to him while Arthur is still looking for news. "First off, we were able to stop the bleeding on the brain. (There was some happy sighs in the background though Arthur really wasn't focused on it) We were also able to reduce some of the swelling -"

  
  
Arthur immediately jumps in then. "Some of the swelling, not all?"  
  


  
"Mr. Pendragon, Mr. Emrys suffered some massive blows to the head. (There was some silence then in the background) It is crucial for some of the swelling to go down naturally but we have reduced it and stopped the bleeding. We also removed some of the excess drainage that could have caused problems leading to damage later. As it stands now we have to observe his progress in order to see what will go down naturally. The surgery was to stop the immediate threats and to ensure as best that we could that nothing else could result from the brain trauma."

  
  
"How long will it take for him to wake up?"  
  


  
"It may be a few hours or it may be tomorrow or the day after. His body has been through a lot and it is important that he has the time to heal properly. The remaining swelling should continue to go down and we will be observing him around the clock for any changes good or bad to aid in his recovery."

  
  
"When will he be brought up to his room?"

  
  
"He is in the process of being removed from the surgery room and we will set up this room as we would an ICU room. Which brings me to my next thing. Due to Merlin's condition we would ask that you keep the number of people in the room to no more than two at a time while Mr. Emrys is in this state of ICU status keeping visits to no more than 30 minutes to an hour long -"  
  


  
Arthur moves to object but Dr. Monmouth raises a hand. "We understand Mr. Pendragon that you would like to be present and as long as you do not cause detriment to the patient you will be allowed but we cannot allow the room to be overcrowded. Mr. Emrys is not out of the woods yet and it is crucial that he has his rest in a stress free environment. As I mentioned before, the next 24 to 48 hours is critical."  
  


  
Arthur didn't hear anything else, couldn't see anything else, and he did not even realize he was trembling and that his heart was racing. The next thing he saw was total darkness.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Merlin and Arthur were supposed to have that talk in this chapter but I researched severe brain injuries, the treatments, and the recovery process, and based on what happened to Merlin the treatment process written in this chapter, the chapters to come, and the last follows through with that. Don't worry, they will have that talk very soon. I am hoping in the next chapter. 
> 
> Not giving away too many spoilers for the next chapter because a lot will be happening but I will give you one.  
> Up next:
> 
> Merlin gets a surprise while he sleeps and Morgana without ever knowing will receive the answer to the theory that she has had all along in this story. Can you guess what it is?
> 
> Show some love and leave a review, subscribe if you haven't, or leave a kudos. It means more to me than you could possibly know.


	26. A Time to Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is comforted by Morgana.  
> The gang comes together to watch over Arthur and Merlin.  
> Merlin has an encounter of a different kind.  
> Uther takes charge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter. I apologize in advance for anyone who does not like long chapters. I wanted to get past the point of Merlin being in a coma and I followed the research for treatment accordingly. I also wanted Merlin to have an experience that you will read about in the chapter. It is a pivotal moment and answers questions that may have lingered on in the back of your minds during the story as well. There are also some comical moments among the gang. They needed some of those moments.

  


_  
Arthur didn't hear anything else, couldn't see anything else, and he did not even realize he was trembling and that his heart was racing. The next thing he saw was total darkness._

* *

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Chapter 26

 

Arthur blinks and moves around a little wondering why he was on a bed, he looks around a little more and realizes that he is still in Merlin's hospital room. He begins to take in his surroundings and as he gains focus he notices his pale, dark haired, beautiful big sister scowling at him. He almost flinches, its a natural reaction to that scowl, and then, remembering what was happening in the first place asks as he slid into a sitting position.

 

 

"How is Merlin?"

 

 

"Arthur -"

 

 

Stubbornly Arthur cuts Morgana off asking again. _"How is Merlin?"  
_

 

"He's the same, sleeping."

 

 

How long have I been out?"

 

 

Morgana clearly is upset with his questions but answers. "About an hour, maybe two."

 

 

"What happened?"

 

 

"What _happened_? What _happened_ Arthur is you fainted. The doctors said you fainted due to exhaustion and shock and that your body shut down in retaliation."

 

 

Arthur shook his head as though he was trying to recall the events. "Fainted."

 

 

" _Fainted,_ like the little _princess_ that Gwaine always says that you are little brother."

 

 

"I did not!' Arthur replied indignantly.

 

 

"Tell that to Leon, you _swooned_ into him on your way down to the floor. Lucky for you he caught your fall. Otherwise we probably would be having you treated for a concussion and you would be admitted and not just camping out here for Merlin's sake." Morgana replied with a chuckle.

 

 

Arthur sighed when he noticed Morgana's expression changing and took a deep breath at that and waited for the onslaught.

 

 

"When is the last time you slept Arthur?"

 

 

"Morgana, you were right there with me. You know what we had to deal with over the past few days -"

 

 

"That is not my question and you know it. And you are right, I _was_ right there with you and I also know _you_ so I ask again, _when_ was the last time that you _slept?_ "

 

 

Arthur sliding further from his sitting position on the bed places his feet to the floor to face Morgana and accepts the cup of water she hands to him before responding truthfully. "I haven't slept properly since the day of fight between Merlin and me." He looked away from her expression that was full of sympathy.

 

 

_"Arthur -"_

 

 

"I can't.. I _can't_ sleep properly when he is mad at me. I can't sleep properly without him being near."

 

 

"And when was the last time you ate?"

 

 

"We just had breakfast Morgana -"

 

 

_"Arthur -"_

 

 

"Where did this bed come from?"

 

 

"Father, he arranged for it early on but only as a back up plan if you refused to leave the hospital instead of coming back to the hotel. You passing out gave us that answer." Morgana responded before attempting again.

 

 

"Arthur -"

 

 

_"Morgana -"_ Arthur calls out her name waspishly. _  
_

 

"Answer the _question_ , _Arthur_." Morgana says in the same tone as Arthur.

 

 

_Damn_ , she's like a _bloody_ hound dog with a bone Arthur thought, before answering. " _Fine_ , I don't remember, we had a lot going on."

 

 

"Arthur..." Morgana had several emotions flicker across her face (amused and fond seemed to win out) before saying . "My loving, _adorable_ , idiot, (Arthur attempting to object but Morgana continued on as if there were no attempt at all) sweet little brother of mine. You are so adorable and I love you to pieces but you need to take care of yourself."

 

 

Arthur was clearly embarrassed by her comments and flushed. But she did not let it stop her and continued.

 

 

"Merlin loves you and you love him but sometimes I think you are the idiot that you call him -"

 

 

"Morgana -" Arthur says in shock as Morgana cuts him off.

 

 

"No, listen. You both have this hero complex thing going on where you need to save the other and your both too stubborn for your own good. If you do not take care of yourself you will be no good to Merlin regardless. I have watched you these past few days dear brother of mine and yes, we have been through hell but I have watched you try and keep it together and you have. I admire your strength and your ability to do so but there comes a time when you need to let go. You keep walls up so high sometimes I wonder how Merlin even managed to climb over it - (Arthur attempted to cut in again but Morgana raises a hand) I _know_ you love him. Its clear for all to see. But you need to know when to let people in to help you and not wait until you have fallen apart to do so. Now here's the deal -"

 

__

_"Morgana -"_

 

 

 

"Hey, you would do the same thing for me if I were in a rut, yeah?" (Arthur didn't even bother because he couldn't disagree) "Now little brother, either you are going to listen to me or I am going to get father and you _know_ that you would rather have me than him. He may be on this _'perfect dad'_ nice track but we both know that he can still crack a whip just like he use to with the proper motivation and you _'daddy's_ golden boy' is definitely what he would consider _proper motivation_."

 

 

Arthur chuckles on that because he knows she is right. " _You_ are going to get a kick out of this aren't you?"

 

 

"And you _know_ this." Morgana replies jokingly clearly amused by the turn of events.

 

 

"I will _allow it_ but when enough is enough I need for you to allow it too."

 

 

Morgana looks happily at Arthur like he has just given her the keys to the pearly gates and the choir is singing hallelujah and says in response and quickly at that. "It a deal!" And they both shake on it like the Pendragons that they are.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Shortly after Morgana left the room to join the others in the waiting room for a moment. The whole gang was present after finding out what happened to Arthur and the results of Merlin's surgery.

 

 

"How are they?" Uther asked first.

 

 

"Merlin is still the same. Arthur, Arthur is resting. He basically passed out from exhaustion and probably from everything that has happened over the past few days. He could use a few more meals too." Morgana responded truthfully but not going into too much detail for Arthur's privacy and also not to worry anyone or their father more.

 

 

"He has been through a get deal and I think he spent the most time dealing with Cornelius and he was taunting Arthur every step of the way, and then seeing Merlin, knowing what happened -" Lancelot stated before Gwaine added more.

 

 

"Knowing what happened and now being here. Not to mention Merlin and Arthur were fighting before all of this happened." Everyone turned at that but Morgana added more.

 

 

"They were but they made up." Morgana stated.

 

 

"But the fight was probably the cause of the lack of sleep along with everything else I would presume. I for one know when Gwen is upset with me I am unable to sleep properly." Lancelot added.

 

 

"Are you saying that I am _responsible_ for your lack of sleep?" Gwen asked raising an eyebrow.

 

 

" _Of course not_ , love. I am only trying to help them understand reasons from Arthur's perspective." Kissing her gently on the lips.

 

 

Morgana rolls her eyes and mouths _'suck up'_ to the group. There's giggles all around.

 

 

"Has anyone called Merlin's mom?" Gwen asked.

 

 

Gwaine smiles and responds. "I did, I've been keeping her posted from the time we got to the hospital. I have to admit I was a little shady on the details of what happened. I didn't want to worry her.. I think some things Merlin will want to tell her on his own but I told her that if anything goes wrong now she would be the first person I would call. I also told her that princess hasn't left his side. She was comforted from that."

 

 

Everyone took a moment to process that bit of information before continuing.

 

 

"And you really think Arthur's _sleeping_?" Percival asked looking at Morgana.

 

 

"Resting yes, _sleeping_ , not so much. I don't think Arthur will really be able to sleep until he knows for sure that Merlin is out of the woods as the doctor said. I left him alone to give him some time to himself. He needs to rest and he needs his mind to catch up with the events that have transpired."

 

 

Uther caught Morgana by the arm and showed her his phone advising he had some phone calls to make. No doubt he was checking in with the office considering all Pendragons are held up and not able to make an appearance.

 

 

"Well, speaking of the turn of events. Lance and I thought we should go shopping for clothing since we don't know how long we will be here. I figured you Gwen and Morgana should come along to choose clothing for yourselves." Elyan states.

  

 

"Well I can't come. I need to stay here with Arthur, but Gwen knows my size and what I like -"

  

 

"Designer, top of the line" Percival states knowingly with a smirk.

  

 

"Chic, but sassy" Elyan adds with a smile.

  

 

"Borderline -" Gwaine says with a grin before getting cut off.

  

 

"Don't you finish that sentence" Morgana quickly interjects.

  

 

"Trash" Gwaine finishes with a huge grin.

 

  

"Scandalous" Lancelot adds.

 

  

"I do not wear trash!" Morgana responds clearly amused and shocked.

 

  

"He's joking." Leon says with a twinge of a smile.

 

  

"No, he's not."  Elyan and Percival say in unison before another round of giggles started.

 

  

"I'll have you know I wear the top of the line clothing." Morgana replied indignantly but with a smile.

 

  

"Playboy attempted to get you to pose -" Gwaine retorts.

  

 

Morgana was speechless. Everyone laughed hard. They laughed but they needed it, it was refreshing.

  

 

"Just joking, well, not about Playboy" Gwaine added once the laughing began to die down.

 

  

"Hey, you didn't say anything about Arthur. They wanted him to do Playgirl." Morgana replied not wanting to take that sitting down so to speak.

 

  

"The _Princess_ has got a get a jail free card for the next year." Gwaine replied clearly amused.

  

 

"What about me, I'm his sister. I have to be here too." Morgana responded in just.

  

 

"6 months." Gwen responds.

  

 

"3" Elyan throws in.

  

 

"1" Gwaine concludes and holds a hand up before Morgana can respond. "The Princess is manageable. You, are the evil snow queen, you cannot be allowed free reign for long." Morgana opened her mouth like she had a few choice words on the ready and closed it in shock. That set off another round of laughs.

  

 

"And besides, I noticed that you did not disagree with scandalous. With that being said, we're out." Gwen, sweet little innocent Gwen responded.

 

 

 "Ha ha" Morgana said with a smile.

 

Just before everyone was about to move out in their different directions they heard a commotion at the nurses' station and then they saw Merlin's doctor coming down the hall in a rush with other nurses, techs, and a cart.

 

   
The gang took a second to look amongst themselves, a second to look at Merlin's door, and a second to look at the nurses' station before deciding the nurses' station was the better way to go.

 

 

Morgana, as representative it seems began to make the inquiry. "What's going on?"

 

 

The nurse, Glenda it seemed by the name on her tag responded. "It seems Mr. Emrys is suffering from another seizure and from our readings he is beginning to go into cardiac arrest."

 

 

"What. we did know he was at risk for a cardiac arrest." Morgana responded almost snappishly before Gwen touched her arm to calm her down.

 

 

"There is always a risk for that when being treated for brain trauma and seizures and this is not Mr. Emrys' first seizure." Glenda responded calmly. "The doctor is working on him now but as soon as he is finished he will come out to update you."

 

 

Knowing a dismissal when they saw one the gang walked quietly back over to the waiting room area only to be met a few seconds later by Arthur. Morgana and Gwen rush up to him to console him. Arthur accepts it eagerly.

 

 

Morgana moves a loose strand of hair from Arthur's face tugging it behind his ear before asking gently. "Arthur, what happened?"

 

 

"I just dozed off for a minute." Arthur starts and swallowed.

 

 

"It's alright, your entitled to do so. What happened?"

 

 

"I started hearing sounds coming from Merlin. It was more movement. His eyes were open though but his body was jerking, his arms and legs. I panicked and buzzed the nurses but they probably have a way of tracking everything anyway because everyone barged in and told me to get out." (Arthur closes his eyes and takes a deep breath) "They brought in a crash cart!"

 

 

"Its going to be alright Arthur. The nurse said that Merlin was going into cardiac arrest from the seizure but they are working on him now. That's probably why they brought in a crash cart." Morgana replied and that got Arthur to immediately begin to pace.

 

 

Uther came around the corner and Morgana left Arthur to Gwen for a moment to brief him on the turn of events. Even Gwen looked like she was out of her element on this one. Every time things started to look like it was getting better something else came up.

 

 

"I could really use a stiff drink." Gwaine stated to the floor.

 

 

"Its two o'clock in the afternoon." Lancelot responded.

 

 

"And you must of been somewhere else while the rest of us have been going through hell!" Gwaine snaps.

 

 

"Point taken. We can stop somewhere when we manage to leave for shopping." Lancelot responds while sliding his fingers through his hair.

 

 

"We past a pub coming in this direction." Percival added before Elyan responded. "Sounds perfect."

 

 

As soon as Dr. Monmouth came out of Merlin's room everyone ran towards him to find out what was going on. Arthur leading the gang this time.

 

 

"Dr., How is he?"

 

 

"Mr. Pendragon, as you know Mr. Emrys suffered from another seizure. Due to the brain trauma, and the seizure combined I think there was too much stress and it brought about the cardiac arrest. We managed to resuscitate Mr. Emrys but he has slipped into another coma." (Arthur was going to say something but the doctor continued). "I won't lie to you, this _is_ serious but at the same time I don't want to worry you unnecessarily. Over 80% of cardiac arrest patients normally slip into a coma once resuscitated. It is the bodies way again to protect itself from the stress. And though it was not induced this time I think Mr. Emrys needs it, especially after having another seizure of this magnitude. We will continue to keep an eye on him and heavily as he is still under ICU status."

 

 

Arthur who was looking into the distance for a moment asks. "Is it alright for me to go back to him now?"

 

 

"Yes, just remember what we said previously, no stress. And remember no more than two people at a time per visit limiting to 30 minutes each.

 

 

Arthur nods before saying thank you and heading back into the room not looking at anyone in particular. Arthur slides into the seat beside Merlin and holds his hand. He doesn't say anything but that he loves him, doesn't know anything else to say. He holds Merlin's hand, lays his other hand on Merlin's chest to hear his heartbeat and lightly lays his head on Merlin's shoulder. Its an awkward position but it gives Arthur some peace in the moment because he can _see_ Merlin, _hear_ his heartbeat, and _feel_ him knowing that he is _real_. With that comfort Arthur finally manages to fall asleep with Merlin right beside him. 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Merlin's encounter of Another Kind * * *

 

 

Merlin drifted, he did not feel like he was in his body anymore. He drifted and drifted until he found himself in another time, and another place. He recognized this place. _Avalon._ As he turned he was confronted by someone he knew but not now.. "Kilgharrah."

 

 

"Hello, young warlock."

 

 

"Where am I?"

 

 

"You are asleep young warlock. In a coma, you were at a point where your mind could transcend time and space. This is how I was able to reach out to you."

 

 

"Am I going to die?"

 

 

"No. I brought you here to talk to you and to heal your mind. You have been through a lot of things in this time young warlock, and in this life you have no visible magic to guide you or to heal you. But this life has also been to teach lessons to you and to build your relationship with the Once and Future King.."

 

 

"Arthur"

 

 

"Yes. The time of the Once and Future King is coming soon young warlock and Albion will be needing him and you once more. He cannot be what he is needed to be if you are not truly yourself. I brought you here to heal your mind. Not your emotions or anything physical, you will need the experiences in times to come. But you will not be broken by them. You are my kin, now, and forever. I will always be there to guide you."

 

 

"I don't understand." Though Merlin thinks he does.

 

 

"You will not understand everything Merlin because you do not have your past memories in this life. You will in the next. In this life, you have been given the opportunity." Kilgharrah states seriously before continuing.

 

 

"It is innate in you young warlock to push people away, to suffer and bear things on your own. To solve your own problems. Do not do this now. You must rely on the Once and Future King as he has done to you. You must lean on each other, trust one another. It was with that in mind that you were brought together like this. The battle in your next life will be bigger than you and Arthur have ever encountered. Trust will play as a major factor in order to overcome the challenges along the way. There can be _no secrets_ between the two of you, _no resistance_ , only _trust_."

 

 

Merlin nodded in understanding. "Will we be together in this next life?"

 

 

 

"That I cannot tell you. As you remember, it is not always best to tell of ones destiny so early or to speak of prophecies so far in advance. You tend to either walk away from it or do too much to control it which can sometimes be even worse. What I can tell you is that Arthur will always know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is something special about you that he must know. You will always be drawn to one another. You are intricately linked and made to compliment the other. Whether it be as friends or lovers." (Kilgharrah looks at Merlin knowingly. Merlin flushed) "That is up to you to decide. Destiny does not force you, it is by choice that you are lead and in those choices you are lead to fulfill those destinies that have defined you from the beginning of time." Kilgharrah replies before continuing.

 

 

"I cannot tell you any more young warlock and you will not remember this conversation. But you will have peace and healing of your mind, and you will have comfort in these words in part when times are dark. That was the promise made of the Triple Goddess when I petitioned her for this meeting. And in the next life, when it is time, all will be brought before you again."

 

 

"How come no one else remembers?"

 

 

"Merlin, it was always your magic that started the cycle. Once you remembered then the rest began to receive their memories. And since you have not maintained yours in this lifetime neither will they?"

 

 

"But some suspect?"

 

 

"The witch Morgana may suspect through her link with magic as a seer but she will only ever suspect. She will never truly know in this life. It has always started with you."

 

 

"Okay.. okay, what do I do now?"

 

 

" _You live_. You live, you _heal_ , and take in everything that life has given to you as a rare and precious gift. Though you went through some difficult times Merlin, think of it as your vacation." (Merlin looked at Kilgharrah like he had grown two heads for a moment but allowed him to continue). "There will be no worrying about saving Albion in this lifetime. _Enjoy it_ , with Arthur. It is meant to bring you closer and to another level of understanding."

 

 

"I am not sure -"

 

 

"And you never will be." Kilgharrah sighed, because Merlin never truly comprehended everything that he told him but at least he will not remember this conversation in full and at least he is _not_ able to command him in this life time.

 

 

 

"And Mordred?"

 

 

"And Mordred. Just like the witch the druid boy does not remember the past."

 

 

"But he was here."

 

 

"Yes, he is, and just like in every lifetime he was destined to be a foe to the Once and Future King."

 

 

"But he did not target Arthur in this lifetime."

 

 

"No, he did not. But he targeted Arthur in the one way that would be worse than death itself."

 

 

Merlin swallowed deeply closing his eyes before whispering. "Through _me_."

 

 

"That's right young warlock. To attack you, to attack you mind, leaves Arthur _vulnerable_. You will need to be vigilant and remember from the past. Just like in every lifetime you have given mercy to Mordred and it has never worked in your favor."

 

 

"Does that mean he will attack again?"

 

 

"He will have peace for the remainder of this lifetime. He was born into a line that should not have been. For that the balance needs to be restored and for that he shall live out the rest of these days without fear and worry."

 

 

"Its a wonder. When I am not to remember you speak plainly to me without riddles."

 

 

"It will all come back to you in due time. For now, it is for comfort when times are at its worse and it no doubt will be in the future."

 

 

"But you will be there?"

 

 

"You will never be without a guide, Merlin." Merlin noticed that Kilgharrah did not promise but he thought it wise to leave it there.

 

 

"Now in this place you do have access to your magic to work with mine. I need you to relax and open your mind allowing me to have access to it to heal it."

 

 

Merlin a little uncertain nods. Takes a few deep breaths before clearing his mind. He watches the Great Dragon take a few deep breaths as well and before he send out a mist Merlin closes his eyes. He feels the mist cover over him. He sees images and feels pain in his mind but also feels a feeling of rightness, of cleansing. He sees the images of Valiant, sees the rapes of both Valiant and Mordred. The abuses of the past and the tortures of the present. In this place he is also taken further back in time. To a time of castles, to a time of war, to tortures by Morgana, to a time where he had to watch Arthur die in his arms. He feels the healing continue. It continues through the pain of keeping his secret and of losing so many to the cause of protecting his magic. He feels it through the grief of having to kill to protect. He feels it from not feeling like he did what was best for Morgana. He feels it all to his core. All of tension, all of the worries, coming together and vanishing. Once the mist recedes Merlin feels slightly dizzy and sees a familiar glaze over his eyes knowing in that moment that it is burning gold before it becomes clear again. He feels free, his mind feels free.

 

 

"Take this gift and treasure it young warlock. It is rare for it to be given and it is only given when the price of it not being given is too great."

 

 

"And Arthur?"

 

 

"Arthur has never had a need for one as you have protected him from having to make the choices that may have turned others to madness in the past just as you have shielded him from what you have been going through now. Your body kept failing because you kept resisting. Your mind has to deal with grief in order for it to heal. You cannot suppress your feelings. Now that your mind is healed you will find that your body will be easier to heal as well. But do not forget, though your mind maybe healed, you are not healed emotionally. You will have to deal with the same things emotionally. And your mind can become corrupted again if not taken care of properly."

 

 

"Thank you, Kilgharrah." Merlin replied, stunned in the moment.

 

 

"Until next time, young warlock."

 

 

The dragon watched as Merlin disappeared from Avalon once more. He feels better seeing him go knowing that the warlocks mind will be healed from not only this lifetime but previously too. The mind is a breeding ground for terrible horrors if not controlled. Leaving you susceptible to unimaginable things. Without peace of the mind there cannot be peace of the body or of the spirit. He knows that Merlin can handle emotions but with too much damage of the mind would not do well for the battle to come next. Especially knowing that Merlin would have the burden of all of his memories in the next life. And knowing that Merlin would not have survived it along with what was coming and without him, there would be no Albion.

 

 

Merlin did not have a chance to say anything else before he began to drift again. Not knowing that as he drifted his memory of his encounter and of his past life was being stripped away. The only thing intact was that his mind was now healed. The feeling of freedom in his mind was something new to Merlin. Something he has never had the luxury of having in any of his lifetimes. He has always felt a prisoner in his own mind. He feels at peace now as he connects back with his own body. He stirs a little in his sleep feels a presence around him and can only think knowingly that it is Arthur. He feels Arthur's hand in his and squeezes it. Arthur in sleep unconsciously squeezes it back as they continue to sleep.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

The gang took turns on intervals checking in on Merlin and Arthur. Lancelot kept his promise while shopping with Elyan, Percival, and Gwaine when they made it to the local pub and had more than enough stiff drinks. Gwen decided to stay behind for support. After the fifth check almost three hours later they saw Dr. Monmouth making his rounds and then going in to see Merlin. They waited patiently to be able to speak with him as soon as he came out before they pounced on him. Morgana the ringleader as before.

 

 

"Dr., are there any changes to Merlin's condition?"

 

 

"I did a check on Mr. Emrys' vitals and it seems to be getting back to normal. He also seems to have fallen into sleep and out of his coma. This is a positive sign. We will continue to watch over him and we will also run more test tomorrow on his brain to see if there was any further damage from the seizure but so far he seems to be following the normal stages of treatment. The test tomorrow will show if his brain has endured any further harm or if it has healed any from the surgery. We will continue to observe him on our end as well."

 

 

"Will he be waking up soon, doctor?" Gwen asked this time.

 

 

"There's no reason why he wouldn't. His vitals are stable and normal. Give him a little time but I think you may see him wake up within the next few hours." Dr. Monmouth responded encouragingly.

 

 

"Thank you, doctor." Uther responded this time.

 

 

"Always a pleasure, Uther." Dr. Monmouth replied before continuing on his rotations. 

 

 

Everyone looked to the other for a minute. It was obvious that none of them have gotten any rest. Uther then decided to put things to rights.

 

 

"Okay, we have heard what the doctor said. Merlin seems to be doing as best as he can for right now so there no need for everyone to remain here. (Uther raised a hand at the sounds of objections coming his way to stop it in its tracks and _stop it_ , he did. No one questioned Uther Pendragon, not when he was in his mode of authority). "No one will do Merlin or Arthur any good if we have to find beds for you when you collapse from exhaustion and hunger. We will take shifts and if there are any changes depending on the level we will send text messages through our phones." (Looking at Morgana, Uther turned to Leon)."Leon, take her back to the hotel and keep her there until the morning. She after Arthur has not taken any breaks." (Morgana was about to say something but a look from Uther made her think better of it. Leon was amused of how easily Uther and sometimes Arthur could shut Morgana's mouth).

 

 

 

Uther then looked to the remaining group beginning to bark out more orders. "Percival, Elyan, and Gwaine. You will take first watch. I will see if I can get another room for you guys to sit in close by. You can then walk over periodically to check on Merlin and Arthur sending out texts to us with updates. I will also arrange for beds and food to be delivered." They nodded in agreement with that plan.

 

 

"In the morning the next watch will go to Morgana, Gwen, Leon, and Lancelot. We will make the same arrangements. No one will come in between these times unless there is an emergency. _Do I make myself clear?_ " Uther's face was firm and calm as he looked at the group eying them all. They nodded in agreement though some did begrudgingly. "If there is an emergency you may still come and you still have access to Arthur by phone and to those who are on watch duty." Uther added as though it were a comfort. He waived a hand, it was a dismissal and those who needed to leave took it.

 

 

 

Uther turned back to Percival, Elyan, and Gwaine. "I will see about getting those accommodations for you all. Stay put for now." And with that Uther was off.

 

 

They watched Uther walk down the corridor and turned the corner with a new level of respect before Elyan was bold enough to say. "Remind me _never_ to cross that man."

 

 

"Oh, I don't know." Gwaine stated. "I don't think a reminder will be necessary when it comes down to him."

 

 

Percival said nothing because he was in complete agreement with both Elyan and Gwaine.

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Merlin started to stir again but this time Arthur was more alert to Merlin's movements. Slowly rising up Arthur took a good look at Merlin. Some of his color looked like it was returning to his cheeks. He gripped Merlin's hand a little more but felt Merlin's reflex in holding it too.

 

 

"Merlin." Arthur said quietly.

 

 

He continued to watch as he saw the balls of Merlin's eyes moving below his eyelids and long black lashing continuing to shield those blues.

 

 

"Merlin, if you can hear me squeeze my hand again."

 

 

Arthur almost laughed in response when he felt another familiar squeeze.

 

 

"Good, good love. Merlin... Merlin, can you try and open your eyes for me please?"

 

 

Merlin stirred a little more before Arthur was able to see those dark lashes flutter open making room to those blues that he absolutely loved to see. Arthur pulled Merlin's hand to his mouth and kissed it.

 

 

Merlin, voice rough from disuse called out, "Arthur." It was the sweetest sound in the world to Arthur.

 

 

"Hold on a second, let me get you some water. Then you can tell me how you are feeling." Arthur replied softly while feeling giddy inside. A relief from the days of dread. He put a straw in the cup of ice water asked if Merlin felt alright to sit up and raised the bed by the remote a little to put Merlin in a better position to drink his water without choking. He then helped Merlin drink by holding the cup and angling the straw to Merlin's lips. Once Arthur removed the cup Merlin began to speak.

 

 

"How long have I been out?"

 

 

"You have been out for almost two days." Arthur responded while running his hand through Merlin's hair. Merlin leaned into the touch.

 

 

"What did the doctor's say?" There was a little look of uncertainty in Merlin's eyes that went away as soon as it came but Arthur had a feeling he knew what was bothering Merlin.

 

 

"Dr. Monmouth said that you had a severe brain trauma, you suffered from quite a few seizures while here by the way." (Merlin nodded as Arthur continued) "They treated you for the damage done while you were abused (Arthur said that part calmly) and they ran test to show as negative for any STDs". (This was the part) "I also had them run test on Mordred too to check and his results came back as negative too."  
(Merlin flinched, it was so tiny that you may have missed it unless you were Arthur). Arthur knew that Merlin was having a difficult time telling him about the rape and that it would have been an avoided topic later. He was giving Merlin an out by discreetly admitting to having the knowledge of the occurrence. He knows it needs to be discussed and thought this would be the best way of bringing the topic to the forefront.

 

 

"I'm sorry." Merlin said like he really had anything to be sorry for.

 

 

Arthur leaned over and gave a chaste kiss to Merlin's lips and held his hand tighter before saying. " _Don't_ , don't ever apologize to me for that again." (Merlin's lips were moving but he couldn't get any words out before Arthur continued). "There was nothing that you could have done about that and I really hope that you have not been going out of your mind inside worrying about me when the only thing that I can think about is _you_?" That turned into a question and Merlin had to close his eyes. Arthur already knew the answer but continued,

 

 

"Oh no you don't. Look at me, Merlin." Merlin opened his eyes again towards Arthur. "I have waited days to see these eyes come back to me. There is nothing about what happened in that place that begs for an apology do you understand me?"

 

 

Tears started to brim around Merlin's eyes as he nodded and Arthur allowed it. Merlin needed to heal and he needed to know that Arthur would be there for him no matter what. And Arthur _vowed_ to himself that he would be.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like the Kilgharrah moment? How was the rest of the chapter?
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> Merlin's treatment schedule and time frame for recovery are in.  
> Arthur and Merlin continue to overcome some of the things that may have been holding them back and begins to deal with the trauma of what happened.  
> What becomes of Mordred?  
> Possible visit from Hunith?
> 
>  
> 
> Show some love and leave a review, subscribe if you haven't, or leave a kudos. It means more to me than you could possibly know.


	27. A Time for Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's test results are in.  
> Merlin and Arthur have a major disagreement.  
> Mordred returns, Morgana meddles (Leon steps in), and things are not always what they seem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in this chapter. I had another Rheumatoid Arthritis episode that put me out of commission for a few weeks along with severe migraines making it difficult to concentrate as I am sure you can imagine if you know anyone with that or have experienced it yourself. Once I felt better I had to get back into the swing of things again. My token of apology to you guys is this gift of a very long chapter. My longest one to date. I hope you like it and accept it. Its a turning point while also a filler but it is necessary to take everyone to the next level. We are about 75% of the way through on this story. And I want to make the ending counts. If you have any ideas I would like to hear it as soon as possible. Thank you for sticking with me through this. And as always, kudos, reviews, bookmarks, and subscriptions are greatly appreciated. It gives me that extra push while I am writing.

  
  


_"Oh no you don't. Look at me, Merlin." Merlin opened his eyes again towards Arthur. "I have waited days to see these eyes come back to me. There is nothing about what happened in that place that begs for an apology do you understand me?"_

_Tears started to brim around Merlin's eyes as he nodded and Arthur allowed it. Merlin needed to heal and he needed to know that Arthur would be there for him no matter what. And Arthur vowed to himself that he would be._

 

_**_

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

* * * Chapter 27 * * *

The next morning was beautiful to Arthur. He woke up feeling a bit more refreshed than he had in a long time. The sun was shining, the sky was a deep blue, and there was even a light rainbow that displayed brightly after the rain from the night before. The birds were chirping outside the hospital window and Arthur couldn't help but to hum while taking his shower in the bathroom. Things were _finally_ beginning to look up.

 

It felt like some sort of turning point to see Merlin open his eyes the night before. To know that he was feeling better enough to do so. Arthur didn't know that he could ever feel so happy about that. He rushed through his shower and rushed through washing his hair. He shaved quickly, dried off, and through on his red t-shirt and stonewashed jeans. He had to check on Merlin just to make sure that he was still there. He couldn't shake the fear before in his dream the night before that he would wake up and Merlin would not be there or that he disappeared somehow.

 

When he came out he noticed Merlin's eyes were open and he was staring right back at him. Arthur's heart skipped a beat, it felt good. Arthur walked slowly over to Merlin watching Merlin swallow hard in the appreciation of him. It made Arthur feel good to know that Merlin still appreciated him after all this time together, especially after everything that they have been through.

 

Dropping his toiletries on his bed he slipped into the seat beside Merlin and leaned into him sweeping their lips together in a gentle kiss."

 

"Good morning you."

 

"Good morning to you to." Merlin replied reaching out for one of Arthur's hand and kissing into the soft skin of his wrist. It did _things_ to Arthur.

 

Arthur swallowed before asking, "Are you feeling better this morning?"

 

Merlin nodded before responding. "Not feeling any real pain this morning."

 

"That is better. I know the doctor has you scheduled for more test today. Hopefully we will get to hear some good news."

 

Arthur and Merlin did not get a chance to say much else before the room door was opening and Gwaine came in seeing Merlin awake and immediately coming to his side of Merlin's bed with a big smile on his face. Relief evident in his expression.

  
"Merlin!" Gwaine practically yelled in excitement. "You made it back to the land of the living I see."

  
"I did," Merlin nodded. "Its early, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm on duty."  
  
"Duty?" Arthur interjected raising a brow.  
  
"Your father can be a scary man, Arthur. Though I imagine that you already knew that." (Arthur could only shrug on that one) "He sent Morgana home last night and arranged a duty schedule for us all. He even got us set up in rooms and brought up food and refreshments. So yes, I'm on duty. My shift is almost over though."  
  
"Your father's still here?" Merlin asked looking at Arthur.  
  
"My father has hardly left. I think you maybe part of the family when this is through." Arthur nudged Merlin with a smile but he meant that statement on so many different levels and he willed it in himself to be true.  
  
"Is there anything else that I missed?" Merlin questioned with a small grin.  
  
"Your mother sends her love." Gwaine says in all earnestness. "I tried to keep her calm by giving her updates but I swear, if you did not wake up I doubt I would have been able to hold her back much longer. She may still come. I just didn't want her to have to find out everything by means of the doctors." (Gwaine gave Merlin a significant look that Arthur did not miss) "I figured somethings should be left to be told by you."  
  
Merlin swallowed and his eyes watered in appreciation of Gwaine. "Thank you, Gwaine. I appreciate everything that you have done, really."

 

"Anything for you Merlin. Now we just got to get you out of this whole in the wall hospital." Gwaine responded but they all knew that the hospital was top of the line. Nothing less for a Pendragon or for someone a Pendragon cared about. Merlin was getting the best sort of treatment possible, _and then some_.  
  
Arthur could be jealous of Gwaine relationship with Merlin's if he did not already know that Gwaine would never try anything with Merlin and that he was hopelessly in love with Elena. Not to mention Gwaine loves Arthur too much to hurt him in that way. They had been friends forever and getting involved with the others partner would never be done. It was _sacrilege_.

 

Arthur, Gwaine, and Merlin were in the middle of their conversation when they heard loud noises from the corridor.  
  
"I know he is awake, I want to see him." Mordred said loudly. Apparently this conversation was going on for a while but just got louder along the way.  
  
"I'm sorry, I tried to stop him but he refused. He said that he needed to see Merlin." Arthur recognized that voice as the voice of Isolda.  
  
"After what you did, do you really think that we are going to let you within ten feet of Merlin?" Morgana's voice was unquestionable at an elevated level.  
  
"I need to see him. I need to talk with him and I am not leaving until I do." Mordred stated in a more determined tone.  
  
Arthur does not know how he made it from Merlin's bedside to the door but before he could contemplate it he was already voicing in a tone that was even colder for him. "You will see him over my cold, dead body." Everyone stilled in that moment.  
  
"Please, I have to speak with him. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I remember everything that happened and I need to talk to Merlin."  
  
"I said no."  
  
"Arthur." Arthur startled for a moment at the sound of Merlin's voice.  
  
He turned in the door way towards Merlin, Morgana on his heels.  
  
"Arthur, I want to see Mordred."  
  
"Merlin, I don't think that is a good idea." Arthur stated, shock evident in his expression.

 

Gwaine was agreeing with Arthur but to Merlin the discussion was between him and Arthur only. There was nothing Gwaine could say to detour Merlin's thoughts at the moment, he was in stubborn mode.  
  
"There are things that Mordred and I need to talk about, Arthur. We are going to have to talk if we are all going to get passed this." Merlin insisted. Arthur thinks that he and Merlin have not even had the discussions that they need to in order to _'get passed this'_ and is a little surprised that Merlin wishes to have talks with Mordred instead.  
  
"You are only recovering now, Merlin. You suffered through several seizures, cardiac arrest, and the doctor said no stress, I don't think -"  
  
"We need to talk and he wants to speak with me." Merlin says cutting Arthur off mid-sentence.  
  
"Merlin, you just woke up, I don't think -"  
  
Something snapped in Merlin as he cut Arthur off again in mid-sentence. "It doesn't really matter what you think right now does it? This has nothing to do with you!" Merlin snapped and Arthur stepped back as if he were just slapped. Morgana narrowed her eyes and gave Merlin a look that clearly told Merlin that they would be having a separate discussion about this later.  
  
Arthur was resigned, he could not even look at Merlin in that moment to say anything else. The hurt was evident on his face before he masked it and stated, "Alright, fine." Arthur walked out of the room asking Gwaine and Leon to keep an eye out to make sure that Merlin was okay with Mordred. Leaving Merlin without interference from him to speak with Mordred in peace.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Merlin and Mordred * * *

 

Mordred took a good look at Merlin as he came to sit by his bedside in Merlin's room. It was as if he was reliving everything that transpired between them in his mind for a moment and the bruises on Merlin's pale skin along with all of the machines clearly did not help. It was as if the guilt and the pain never left Mordred's features from their last encounter. Merlin was feeling sort of the same.

 

"Merlin, how are you doing? I've heard bits and pieces from Uther's visits from his talks with Isolda when he comes in to check on my progress but I needed to see you myself. To see for myself, and to apologize for everything that I have put you through."

 

Merlin took a deep breath and swallowed hard taking in those words from Mordred. He did not think there would ever be words that would help him to be able to deal with the situation that fate placed them in. But he knew that he needed some form of closure. It was something that Arthur would never understand and it was also something that Merlin doubted that he would ever be able to explain. Not properly anyway.

 

Mordred took something from him, it may not have been intentional but it was done none the less. It was the same thing that Valiant took but at another level. His choices were stripped from him and he felt unmanned somehow. Merlin knew that he took some of his frustration out on Arthur but could only pray that Arthur would find it in his heart to forgive him for that. But in this moment, he needed to speak with Mordred. He needed to have this moment to heal as best as he could or he would never be any good for anyone, let alone Arthur. It would probably be the only form of closure possible and he had to take it while the opportunity presented itself. The Gods know he has not had many opportunities for it, he never received it from Valiant after all. Merlin swallowed hard again, looking at Mordred at plowed on.

 

"I'm fine. I just woke up not long ago, though I heard that there were a lot of complications but I am fine now." Merlin managed in a whisper that came out loud in the quiet room with the exception of all of the monitors.

 

"I am really sorry for you being put in the middle of all of this Merlin. What I did to you was incomprehensible. I would have understood if you never wanted to speak with me again but I had to try, I had to see for myself that you were okay and I needed to plead for your forgiveness." Mordred said earnest and full of emotion.

 

"It wasn't you, Mordred-"

 

"It may not have been me, but I was responsible none the less. It was a curse passed down my lineage and like any inheritance those who receive it are responsible for it. I take the blame all the same. I remember what happened. If I had not fixated on you in the first place there would not have been anything Cenred would have done." Merlin flinched and tensed when Mordred attempted to reach for his hand to comfort him. Mordred withdrew slowly.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * The Gang Looking out for their own * * *

 

"How are they doing in there?" Morgana was looking at Gwaine. The gang was a few feet behind her. Everyone was back at the hospital again against Uther's edict. Shift change be damned. A visit from Mordred constituted as an emergency after everything that they all went through. And besides, Uther was scheduled to be on conference calls all day back at the hotel and what Uther didn't know would not hurt him. Gwaine was leaning into the doorway of Arthur and Merlin's room, it was slightly ajar, and enough for him to hear through if things were to get out of hand.

 

"There just talking, no arguing it seems. It sounded like Mordred was asking for forgiveness." Gwaine answered in a whisper though loud enough for the gang to hear.

 

"Oh, Gwaine, while I am thinking about it make sure that you contact Elena today." Gwen said hastily.

 

"I speak with Elena three times a day, Gwen. Once in the morning, then in the afternoon, and last in the evening."

 

They all looked shocked by that revelation. But it was Percival that spoke. "Someone is whipped."

 

"Someone knows what to do when they are in a relationship." Gwaine replied unperturbed and unashamed. "Why, what happened?" Gwaine said looking back to Gwen.

 

"Myridden had a tumble and she had to take him to the A&E to get stitches. She was pretty upset, you know how she gets and she is blaming herself." Gwen said but she was clearly worried. The gang knew not to worry about Myridden because if Gwen was really concerned about his health at the moment she would have been rambling on like she does when she is nervous. Myridden, they silently and unanimously decided was okay. Which led back to her concerns about Elena.

 

"I'll call her once we make sure that Merlin is okay. How's Myridden?" Gwaine responded but still questioned about Myridden.

 

"Just a few stitches, Mithian was at the A&E and worked on him which helped. Its always good to have a doctor in the family you know." Gwen answered but you could tell that she was thinking about her children. But she could not help to give a stab in Percival's direction about Mithian. It really was good to have a doctor in the family. And as far as the kids went, everyone knew that the twins were in the best of hands with Elena. Lancelot and Gwen knew this first and foremost, the only thing for them was that they missed their children and wanted to go home. Though they did not complain, _everyone_ wanted to go home at this point. And again, the twins were in perfect hands. Elena loved them as if they were her own, she called it practice for the future. Gwaine would just duck his head slyly in response. Percival smiled at Gwen's comment being reminded of his girlfriend this time, clearly missing her too.

 

"Well, keep me posted on my godchildren." Morgana replied quickly before saying without missing a beat on their previous conversation, "And as far as forgiveness is concerned, Mordred does not deserve it after everything that he's done," Morgana stated angrily.

 

"Morgana, it wasn't him. You know it just as much as Merlin does." Gwen admonished, last discussion gone and focused again on what is before them.

 

"I know, but this is frustrating and it is not fair. Its not fair to Merlin and its not fair to my brother." Morgana began to pace and Leon attempted to comfort her before being brushed away. She had her phone out next attempting to reach Arthur. It _was not_ her first attempt. "Why won't he answer my calls? Damn it!"

 

"He hasn't answered mine either." Lancelot stated.

 

"Nor mine." Percival agreed.

 

"I tried when I went to the cafeteria, no such luck." Elyan stated.

 

"I tried twice already too." Gwaine whispered holding his phone in his hand while looking back at them.

 

"If he doesn't want to talk he will not answer. We all know Arthur when he wants to be alone and when he is in a mood." Leon stated in a comforting tone.

 

"The problem is he may want to be alone but he does not _need_ to be alone." Morgana responded and no one could disagree with her comment.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Merlin and Mordred cont'd* * *

 

"There is nothing that anyone of us can do to change what has happened. What is done is done. I think I forgave you a long time ago, there are...other things that I have to deal with now. But I do appreciate you coming, I needed it, I know that. It may not give me everything but it gives me something to work towards." Merlin knew his thoughts were jumbled but it was the best he could do. He continued on. "What are you going to do now?"

 

"Tristan is coming to get me in a few days. The doctor's have released me after they and Isolda did a thorough evaluation of me both mentally and physically at Uther's request. I was treated for the bruises received at the cabin and was given a clear mental bill of health. I have agreed to seeing a therapist for however long needed to help me to make peace with myself from the past, again something else that Uther said was taken care of. Though I think it is more for your benefit than for mine." Mordred paused before continuing. "Its going to be a long hard road but they are confident that it will be okay. Uther was actually the one who contacted Tristan. Apparently he wanted to be informed of everything after they told him why they needed information on me. When he found out the curse was lifted he volunteered to come."

 

Merlin smiled at that, it was one of his first genuine smile he had since all of this happened. "Well good for you. You deserve all of the happiness in the world after everything you went through.

 

"So do you Merlin, so do you." Mordred said smiling right back. "I would like to bring Tristan here to meet you before we leave."

 

"Where are you going?"

 

"Tristan found a job in Glastonbury and leased a flat with enough room for us both. I spoke to him. He did not promise anything between us but he wants to help me get on my feet again, and I can still teach."

 

"He sounds like a good guy."

 

"He's one of the best."

 

"Well it will be an honor to meet him then when he comes for you."

 

They share a moment between them, silent words of forgiveness and some of acceptance. They will both have to deal with things from this point and not just between themselves. Healing is not an overnight process, sometimes it never happens at all, but there is a determination there and a silent agreement to try.

 

"I am going to let you rest now before one of your lot out there decides that visiting hours are over for me." Mordred says with another gentle smile.

 

Merlin smiles back. "Thank you for coming."

 

"Thank you for allowing me to, I see you in a few days."

 

And with a small nod from Merlin he leaves.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Arthur needs a moment * * *

  
After Arthur left Merlin's and his room he kept walking until he found himself making several turns through the corridors, to the elevators, and to the streets. _"It doesn't really matter what you think right now does it?"_ That comment kept playing over and over in Arthur's head. He did not know why Merlin's comment was bothering so but it definitely did. Merlin had said some hurtful things in the past, but this final thing seemed to bring Arthur to a new low. He had been trying to hold it together (another street), trying to stay strong, but at the moment Arthur felt like he is just about to reach his breaking point. It hurt to the point where it felt like it burned him on the inside.

  
He kept walking until he found himself at a nearby pub. The first glass of whiskey went down with a burn. It was smooth and it was clearly what Arthur needed at the moment. The next two glasses went down just as smooth. Arthur must have been there for a few hours because there was a change in the bartender and some of the patrons from before seemed to have moved on. Arthur shut his phone off shortly after leaving the hospital not wanting to be disturbed from his thoughts.  
  
"You know, I saw you from across the bar there looking so lonely and depressed. I was going to leave you alone but you look too beautiful to look that way and be alone. Can I buy you another drink?" The guy asked. Arthur turned his head to his right to now notice that the seat was no longer vacant. The man was tall, probably a few inches taller than Arthur. He had dark brown hair, fairly tanned like Lancelot, gorgeous green eyes, hair untamed (a little like Merlin), and he looked very fit, almost like Gwaine. He _was_ beautiful. Just not the person that Arthur preferred to be looking at right now, but in his current state of everything that has happened over the last few weeks. And Arthur was at a low.  
  
"Why not?" It was a question. More to Arthur than to the gentleman before him, but the man just smiled at Arthur and took the vacant seat. And Arthur could not help but smile in return.  
  
The man waved a hand to the bartender, "Another round for me and another of what he's having for him." The bartender nodded and began his preparation in preparing their drinks.  
  
The man turned to Arthur saying, "I'm Gavin." He moves to shake Arthur's hand and Arthur reciprocates.  
  
"I'm Arthur." Though Arthur thinks his face is pretty recognizable considering most people know who he is from the paper, the television, and the internet. Though Gavin didn't seem to be put off nor was he looking at him like he is someone other than another person whom he has just met. Though he noticed that Gavin did not use his last name and did not attempt to get Arthur's either.  
  
"So, Arthur, what is a gorgeous man like yourself doing in a bar like this looking like you lost your best friend?"  
  
Arthur says, unbidden, "I feel like I've lost my best friend."  
  
The conversation flowed from there and Arthur did notice when his whiskey was changed to water later but they continued to talk. Gavin seemed to be a nice man, he wasn't much older than Arthur, and he worked as a detective at the local police department. Gavin did make some suggestive comments but Arthur managed to steer the conversation into safer directions. He didn't know Arthur from Adam but he listened and stayed with him excusing himself one time to go to the loo. Arthur never felt comfortable about telling everything about himself but he was able to open up a little more and felt good knowing that he would probably never see this man again. Gavin opened up too, he spoke us his marriage, his daughter, and a later divorce. He also spoke about his new found sexuality choices. He told Arthur, "If you were not so obviously in love with someone else I would grab hold onto you and would probably never let you go."  
  
Arthur thinks he may have let him. Gavin seemed to be the perfect bloke, in every way, except for the fact that he was not Merlin. Arthur knew it before but he knows it even more now. There will never be anyone but Merlin for him, no matter what happens. If it ends between them Arthur knows he would be done. Arthur's thoughts began to drift again as the sun was on its way down for the evening the tab was settled and Gavin and Arthur found themselves parting ways.  
  
"It was really nice to meet you, Arthur. I hope that everything works out for you and yours."  
  
"I hope so too."  
  
"And if it does not." Gavin slipped his card into Arthur's jacket and pulled him close. He just hopes that it won't one day come back to bite him in the arse. Gavin leaned in slowly giving Arthur ample time to pull away. Arthur blames it on his fatigue, the alcohol, and clear depression to not recognize what happens next. The kiss was light, then chaste, then tender, with a little slide of tongue and then it was over. Though their hands remained at their sides by the end of the kiss Arthur was giving into it too and it was at that point that Gavin slowly ended it with a small grin. "Goodbye, Arthur." Gavin smiled one last time before walking out.  
  
Arthur was stunned, shocked, and still. For what seemed like quite some time. He didn't cheat, he knows that he didn't, but the possibility was there. It could have happened. What is he even doing here?! He turned around just in time but wishes he could turn back around because he finds Morgana glaring at him from the doorway.  
  
Arthur flinches and tenses, readying himself for the onslaught. He walked tiredly over to his sister. "How long have you been there?"  
  
"Long enough."  
  
"What no condemnation? No telling me what an idiot I am? No asking me how could I be so stupid? No telling me that I could have blown the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life? No telling me that -"  
  
"I don't think I have to, I think you said enough for the both of us. You are clearly going to beat yourself up over it and that is enough for me" Morgana said with a small smirk. Though she knows her brother more than most and knows that Arthur has never cheated in any of his relationships, he is not made that way, and she knows without a shadow of a doubt that he loves Merlin. Now a _drunk Arthur._...that could possibly be another story if his inhibitions were indeed down and he was as hurt as he was when he left the hospital. She decided to file that away for a different discussion at another time if necessary.  
  
"Well that's just great." Arthur responded sarcastically.  
  
"Isn't just."  
  
"How did you find me?"  
  
"Well, after you failed to answer my I don't know _tenth_ call, I had Gwen run a trace on your phone. It lead me here." (Though Morgana averted her eyes with that answer and Arthur raised a brow because he and Morgana were always about eye contact unless they were lying. He let it go though and allowed her to continue). "Little did I know what I was going to find. I thought I'd find you half drunk off your arse."  
  
"I was on my way there until Gavin showed up."  
  
"Gavin is his name then."  
  
 _"Morgana!"_ Arthur hissed.

 

Morgana raised her hands in surrender saying, "Never mind."

 

Arthur trying to discreetly change the subject and to get much needed answers continued, "How is Merlin?"

 

"While you were making out with Mr. Hottie in there?" Morgana stated not missing a beat and going right back on topic.  
  
"I was not..." Arthur trailed off when he saw Morgana raise a brow. "Fine, but it wasn't like that."  
  
"I was there long enough to know that but what if it wasn't me? Who happens to know you. What if it was someone else? You have to be more careful Arthur!"  
  
"It wasn't meant to happen. I needed to get away and ended up there."

 

"I could see by the look on your face that you needed to get away before you said something that you didn't want to say. But in answer to your question Merlin is doing better. Shortly after Mordred left the technicians took Merlin down for more testing. The doctor returned shortly after to inform us that the swelling on Merlin's brain seems to be stabilized now which decreases the chances of another cardiac arrest greatly. They said they will watch him closely for another twenty four hours for any further seizures but after that they would like to see him going to physical therapy. His responses are good so they are confident that he should not have trouble. But if he does they agreed at Uther's behest that he could do physical therapy at home. And also agreed that if Merlin continues to be stabilized that he would be able to go home or at the least be able to continue treatment at one of our hospitals back at Camelot. Preferably a Pendragon donated one, of course."

 

Arthur pondered on that for a moment, satisfied that some things were progressing well. But of course Morgana could not take silence for long.

 

And that was when Morgana broke it. "Merlin didn't mean it you know? What he said to you, he didn't mean it. He's dealing with a lot of things but I know he would never mean to hurt you like that."  


  
Arthur shoulders straightened for a moment and his jaw clinched. It was different this time, Morgana knew that he was fighting back the hurt. "I know. I just feel like.. I feel like he is going to push me away. Like.. like, I am going to end up losing him somehow."  
  
Morgana felt for her brother then, he doesn't confide these types of feelings and when he does, it _means_ something. And it means that he has been feeling this way a lot longer than she knew. She wrapped an arm around his and leaned her head into his shoulder which Arthur returned by kissing the top of her head before saying, " _Don't let him_. You fight and you _don't give up_. Remember what father always use to say, _'What a Pendragon wants, a Pendragon gets.'_ We'll you've got the man Arthur, you just have to keep him and I know that you love Merlin and I know that he loves you. Remember that, and don't give up!"  
  
Morgana looked up to see a tear falling down her little brother's cheek and that almost _broke_ her. She may have to take some more time to speak with Merlin again if this keeps up.  
  
Arthur seeming lost in his thoughts murmured more to himself, Morgana thought as they continued walking. "I'm afraid that its not going to be as easy as it might seem to be."

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Morgana and Arthur * * *

 

Morgana decided that Arthur needed to go back to the hotel with her to shower and rest before they went back to the hospital. Surprisingly she even had clothes for him to wear, apparently she kept some of his clothes in her hotel room in case an intervention was necessary she informed him. Morgana then decided to order room service to ensure that Arthur ate properly. And when she was finished Arthur was refreshed, fed, and _definitely_ waiting for Morgana's seal of approval to go back to the hospital and to get away from his sister. Unfortunately, by the time they got back Merlin was already asleep. Arthur got a chance to catch up with the gang for a little while, concerns were going all around for him, and though he did not feel like socializing the glare from Morgana made him stay for a while anyway.

 

Gwen and Lancelot talked about how Myridden fell down some steps outside and how Elena had to take him to the local A&E. They stated that he needed to get a few stitches but other than that he was fine. It sounded like Elena was more shaken up than he was.

 

Percival was talking about asking Mithian to move in with him. He said that events have allowed him to see things from a new perspective and he did not want to take their time together for granted. Gwen smiled at that thinking her comment may have had a play in that decision.

 

Gwaine talked about missing Elena but how he did not miss her horrible cooking. He said he was happy to live close by to Gwen and Lancelot's place to invade their refrigerator during his hunger emergencies.

 

After further discussions and murmuring within the group and after enough time was spent, deemed by Morgana, Arthur was ushered back into his and Merlin's room to prepare to rest for the evening. She sat by his side for a moment, her face more serious than he had seen in a while but he knew she was about to say something that was directed towards him.

 

"Its going to be alright, Arthur."

 

"You can't possibly know that." Arthur replied, the hurt visible.

 

"I know that you and Merlin are in love with each other. And I know that even though you guys are not seeing eye to eye at the moment that you both have what it takes to work it out. I also know that Merlin 9 times out of 10 did not mean to speak to you like that." She smiled at her brother and leaned down to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Enough of my big sister talk for the night, we will speak again tomorrow. Get some rest, good night, Arthur."

 

"Good Night, Morgana."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Arthur's POV * * *

 

Arthur was confused. Arthur was hurt. Arthur was confused and hurt along with many of bouts of emotions and did not understand where it was coming from. Arthur knew that his feelings for Merlin can be overwhelming. He has never loved as strongly nor has he fallen so hard for anyone else before in his life. Merlin was it for him.

 

Arthur's mind veered off to in the direction of Morgana. This is the closest they have been in years. For the first time he thinks that she is actually looking out for him, for _him_ , without any ulterior motives. That means more to Arthur than he could possibly say out loud. He has never been one in this competition to be the better child. He didn't _have_ to be. The expectations for Arthur were ten bars higher than the expectations for Morgana. He couldn't hang out late with his friends, he could not take the easy courses at school, and he could not do the things that he wanted to do and get away with it. It always felt like a set up for failure and sometimes Arthur thought that it would be better to have the lesser expectations. Now that he is an adult, Arthur was not so sure. With the exception of having his choice in partners, and the fear of failure, Arthur did not think he turned out so bad. Well, of course there were still imperfections here and there but no one is perfect, not even a Pendragon.

 

But Morgana, he always detected some level of jealousy there. In their family life with Uther, as children, as adults, and at work. There was always some level of competition that he was not aware of. He never knew when the race started and he wondered if they ever made it to the finish line. Seeing Morgana now, the way that she is there for him and not trying to store ammunition for later allows Arthur to get some of that relationship with his sister that he thought was lost a long time ago. It made Arthur feel good in the middle of all of the pain. He was definitely going to buy her and Leon and all expense vacation package to somewhere exotic as soon as this was all over.

 

And that brings him back to the problem at hand. Arthur knows that he should be angry to some extent, but he does not know why he is so hurt. Anger, that's understandable, and even some measure of hurt. But after some further thought in the matter Arthur realized what the real problem was. Arthur was afraid that Merlin was going to push him away and that he would eventually leave him. It was in the background all of the time and piece by piece some of Merlin's actions in their relationship has brought that fear to the forefront of Arthur's mind and that incident with Mordred brought all of Arthur's fears forward.

 

Arthur knows that Merlin is going through a terrible ordeal and that some of the things that he says and does will be as a result of that but it does not set aside the feeling that he is about to lose Merlin. That's the part that keeps Arthur in limbo. Arthur thought back to the pub earlier and his meeting with Gavin. He is not too whipped to appreciate and Gavin was especially beautiful. He thought that it would have been easy to have him if he wanted but realized that it would never be. Not because he was not good enough, but because Gavin was not Merlin. And finally Arthur came to the conclusion that he was not going to wallow in this little depression mode that he was in. He realized that it would not help him figure out where he stood with Merlin and it would not help Merlin get better. What Arthur needed most at the moment was time to put things in perspective. It was too bad that time at this point was as rare as finding an a needle in a haystack.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Shortly after Mordred left * * *

 

 _Morgana walked into Merlin's room with fire in her eyes. Merlin swallowed hard knowing that there was going to be no way out of this discussion._ 'Can't somebody cut him a break? He's the injured party here!'

 

_"Morgana, I know alright."_

_"You know Merlin, tell me what exactly do you know? Because right now I don't know anything."_

_"I know that I messed up! I know that I was wrong when I said those things to Arthur."_

_"Well if you knew that why did you say it? Do you know that Arthur has never left your side through this whole ordeal? Do you know that he passed out from exhaustion and from not eating worrying about you?" Merlin flinched visibly and Morgana deflated,_ some. _But continued on course._

_"Merlin, I know that you are going through a rough ordeal right now, we all do. But if you want Arthur to be there when this is all said and done don't push him away."_

_"Of course I want him to be there." Merlin snapped and rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands._

_"Then tell me what the hell is going on?! When you and my brother first got together I was worried that he was going to hurt you and I worked to protect you from that hurt. I thought that him not being involved in relationships and being emotionally stunted at times would push him away from you. But you have done something to him that I have not seen before from any of his past relationships and he loves you dearly. So much that I am more afraid that you will be the one to hurt him now."_

_"I did not mean to hurt him." Merlin murmured out loud._

_"Then tell me what happened?"_

_"Its not something I can talk about Morgana! Not yet, at least. I needed to talk to Mordred because I needed some form of closure from what happened. I know it is not a_ fix it all _for the situation but I needed to make peace with him for some reason."_

 

_Morgana could not disagree so much on that but there were still other things to consider. "Merlin, have you ever thought about going to a therapist?"_

_Merlin shuts his eyes before responding. "I am not_ crazy _, Morgana!"_

_"I never said that you were. But Merlin, make no mistake, if you continue down this path you started on you_ will _start to push people away. You could lose Arthur, your job, your friends, and even your family."_

_"Morgana, -"_

_"Merlin, I am not saying any of this to hurt you. I am saying it because I care for you and you know it. You had support through Valiant yeah, but not from the professional sort. Now you are dealing with another person who assaulted you that you know. You went through some traumatic episodes, your body almost shut down. You need to speak with someone, someone who can work with you on how to let go of some of those emotions you've got bottled up inside of you. Someone who can help you to move past it without pushing the people who love you away."_

_Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose and swallowed hard before replying but again was cut off by Morgana. "Morgana, -"_

_"Merlin, I cannot possibly imagine everything that you are going through but I really do not want to see you throw it all away by not getting the help that you need. I can't force you to get help but I do want you to promise me that you will think about. If not for yourself, than do it for Arthur. I know that you love him."_

_Morgana got him there and she knew it, yes he does love Arthur. The emotions of everything that happened were starting to overwhelm him, choking him, and his eyes were beginning to water. The best that he could give Morgana was a strong nod._

_"Thank you." Morgana said pleased, and leaned down giving Merlin a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Now get some rest, yeah? We need to hurry and get you close to 100% again so that we can get the hell out of this place. I would like to sleep in my own bed again and take out my frustrations on those new excruciatingly annoying interns."_

 

_"Poor interns."_

_"What doesn't kill them can only make them stronger, Merlin._

 

Merlin took that for what it was worth. Morgana was attempting to lighten the discussion and smooth away the emotional part of it. Pendragons were not a fan of emotions. Though Morgana had changed somewhat over the years due to circumstances and marriage, so had Arthur but the bottom line was still there, Pendragons did not do emotions very well. Merlin had always known this but with Arthur it seemed, _different_. Though the gang and Morgana clearly state that the difference is Merlin's presence in his life. _"You ground him, Merlin"_ Morgana told him before. Whatever the reason, Arthur loved Merlin regardless. And Merlin couldn't help but to be overjoyed that Arthur saw him as the person to share himself with. To love him, _Merlin_ , of Ealdor with all of his excess baggage to boot. Sighing heavily Merlin realized just how much he needed to fix this. He could not lose Arthur!

 

_Merlin could say or do nothing more than laugh at Morgana's comments, but he needed it. He reached over to Morgana and grabbed on of her hands, squeezing it before saying, "Thank you." And Merlin meant it._

_Morgana's eyes got a little glossy but she shut them tight for a second to blink them away before squeezing his hands in turn and responding, "Anytime." She leaned down one more time to give him a kiss on the cheek before leaving with a slight turn to give a smile which Merlin returned.  
_

 

  


_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Merlin and Arthur * * *

 

Merlin stirred from his restless sleep. He could not get the conversation that he had with Morgana out of his mind nor could he get passed the words he said to Arthur earlier. And along with that after Mordred's visit he was getting flashbacks of the rape. What he really needed right now was to be held, to know that everything would be all right, but how could it be? Morgana was right, he was pushing people away.

 

Merlin lifted up on his elbow to see if Arthur was in the room. Relieved to see him there even though he was only able to see Arthur's back turned to his direction Merlin called out, "Arthur? Arthur, are you awake?" Merlin knew that they needed to talk, knew that he had to apologize for his actions earlier. He just hoped that Arthur would listen. Seeing Arthur with his back and shoulders so stiff pretty much told Merlin everything that he needed to know. Arthur was awake. But he did not respond. Merlin tried again, "Arthur... Arthur" Again no response. Merlin did not know what to do with that. He did not think that he could handle any kind of rejection from Arthur at the moment but at the same time, he knew it would be deserved.

 

Arthur was barely trying to hold it together when he came into the room. He slid into the bed, taking off his shoes but not bothering to change anything else. He saw to Merlin first and saw that he was sleeping lightly but did not attempt to wake him up. He realized that he was a lot more hurt than he thought. No, he did not go through all of the things that Merlin had but he loves Merlin dearly. And what was that saying? If you love someone when they hurt so do you? Arthur may not have been assaulted but he feels Merlin's pain. He had to sit by and watch Merlin go through so much, the rape, the trauma, the cardiac arrest, the seizures. He was there every step of the way and what happens at the first offense? He's told that his concerns are no longer relevant.

 

Arthur heard when Merlin first started calling out to him but he just could not move, his arms were wrapped around himself and his hands were tightened as a fist. His hands were tightened so much that it felt like his hands were numb. Each call to him hurt even more and then it _started_. Merlin started crying, it wasn't loud but it was there and Arthur knew it. And it felt like his heart was aching and it wasn't so long after that Arthur started crying too. But Arthur didn't move, not so much of a muscle and he did not make a sound. His tears quietly fell down his face as he heard Merlin and shortly after without knowing that he was actually doing it Arthur left his bed. He walked over slowly to Merlin and quietly and lifted his blanket to climb into bed with him. Merlin startled but came back quickly.

 

"Arthur, I am so sorry. I am so, so, sorry." Merlin said, tears still falling from his eyes, lips trembling.

 

"Ssh, Merlin." Arthur stated as he slid into the bed. Merlin immediately curling into him and holding on tight. Arthur kissing the top of his head. "Its going to be alright, Merlin."

 

"No, no, its not. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to push you away. I can't..I can't lose you." Merlin said almost like he was drowning in it all.

 

"You will not lose me. I am here."

 

"You left."

 

"I left to give you some time." Merlin leaned up to look at Arthur then and looked at Arthur, hard, because it seemed they both knew that that was not the correct answer."

 

Arthur turned a little sheepish for a moment at being out on that before responding again, a little more honestly this time. "Okay, I did leave to give you some time. But I also left because I was hurt and angry, and I did not want to say anything that I could not take back later."

 

"Like I did."

 

"No, no Merlin -"

 

"Arthur, you cannot make excuses for me. I was wrong, regardless of what I am going through it was not right to do that to you. I need you."

 

"I need you too."

 

"Let us promise ourselves something right now. And this is going to be difficult for me because I am the last one to open up to what I am going through. But lets promise to think through our actions and lets promise if something is bothering us that we will talk about it. Even if we have to make the other to have to listen. Deal?" Merlin knew that this step would be the most difficult for him but after seeing the way Arthur faked sleeping to avoid him he thought it was something that they both needed to work on now.

 

Arthur looked like he wanted to say more but in the end he replied, "Deal."

 

Merlin took a deep breath and was going to continue but got immediately cut off at the pass by Arthur.

 

"Sleep now, we can discuss everything else in the morning."

 

"But -"

 

"No buts, you need to get better. We need to get you better in order to get out of this place. I don't think I can take another 48 hours of this place. We can do the physical therapy crap at home and anything else that is needed to get you better."

 

"You sound like Morgana."

 

"You wound me, Merlin."

 

"I love you, Arthur." Merlin got serious then, holding Arthur's gaze intensely and trying to pour out everything he was feeling into it.

 

Arthur pulled Merlin in, as much as he could without disrupting any remaining cords surrounding Merlin and leaned in angling his face just enough to kiss Merlin gently, chastely, before leaning again and using his tongue over Merlin's lips. He pulled back, and Merlin gasped obviously wanting more while Arthur was obviously trying to take it slow. Arthur looked back into Merlin's eyes with a fierceness, with emotions that overwhelmed Merlin to the core because they were strong and those emotions were directed at him. Arthur's feelings for him. Arthur replied softly, hoarsely, "I love you, too." And Arthur continued saying it over and over again while lightly giving kisses to Merlin's mouth, his cheeks, his eye brows, and forehead. It felt like jolts to Merlin's system that he needed all along. Soon after exhaustion and their emotional highs took over they fell asleep curled into each other.

 

Merlin knew that he could not do without Arthur in his life and he knew that Arthur thought the same way about him. He felt it now, and he feels it more and more every time Arthur says those words to him or every time Arthur kisses him. Merlin also knows that he has to get rid of that feeling that he is not good enough for Arthur, the feeling that he is damaged goods. Yes, Merlin thinks he has made a decision. No, he knows that he has. He went to sleep with happier thoughts on his mind for the first time since he got abducted.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

* * * Questions Answered * * *

 

Morgana had just finished sneaking a peek in on Arthur and Merlin. She knows that their problems will not go away overnight but it looked like they were making progress if they were sleeping in the same bed. She wasn't going to push but she really did want Merlin to go to therapy. She was there through the mess with Valiant and she knew just how hard it was for Merlin and seeing everything that has happened with Mordred she knows that it is not only bringing back bad memories for Merlin but now he has new ones to add to it too.

 

Morgana also knows that Merlin never really deals with his problems. He suppresses his problems and runs away when it gets to be too much. It was fine to some degree before but it is not now. Not now that he was in a relationship. A relationship with her brother no less. She was lost in her thoughts as she walked along the corridors of the hospital before she made it to another lounge area away from the group to make a call.

 

_"Hello, Morgana?"_

 

"Hey you, I just wanted to call to say thank you for today. I don't know what would have happened if you were not present."

 

_"It's fine, really. He looked lost and sad and I saw the way the rest of the people were looking at him like prime rib compared to chicken and thought that I needed to intervene somehow."_

 

"You could have done more that that." He knew what she meant.

_"I would never have done that. I was surprised that he didn't recognize me from uni though. We had some of the same classes."_

 

"He wasn't focused on meeting people at uni. He was focused on work and maintaining the highest grades possible to please our father."

_"Understandable to some degree but still a surprise. I was just glad to be there and after that I made it to the loo to call you."_

 

"Well I will not forget it."

 

_"Make it a special Christmas present this year?"_

 

"Done. How's Beckah doing and Victoria?"

_"Beckah is doing fine, she been pretty busy with her career after the divorce but we get on for the sake of Victoria. Now Victoria, she is just an angel. She grown a lot since the last time you saw her Morgana. She looks just like Beckah too."_

 

"She sounds precious."

_"Better than precious, she means the world to me. Well what about you and Leon? When are you two going to get some buns in the oven?"_

 

"Only time will tell. We are not opposed to the idea, its just we haven't actually initiated trying for children."

 

"I get it. Its something to think about.""

 

"I'll say." Morgana replied pressing the bridge of her nose.

_"But when you are both ready for it, Morgana, there is no greater joy."_

 

Morgana closed her eyes and took a deep breath at that. It is not that she doesn't want children, she is afraid of having them. Bringing them into her world of cold and emotionally stunted people is what she used to say. But now she seems conflicted. She is starting to see changes in her family that is starting to give her a new hope that she did not think possible before. It was always a fear for her, one she had not even shared with Leon. But she was pretty sure that Arthur could see it and reserved some of those same fears too. He had a way to seeing to the heart of the matter. Especially if it has nothing to do with him, _men_.

 

"I can imagine." Morgana replied doggedly taking a deep breath. "We'll thank you again for helping Arthur today."

 

_"Anytime, he's a good man. If he wasn't taken I would of him snagged him up in a heartbeat."_

 

"He is a sweetheart but he is my little brother so please don't talk like that."

 

 _"I'm just saying."_ Gavin replied with a chuckle.

 

"Gavin."

 

_"Fine."_

 

"And the meaning of the kiss?"

 

 _"Just giving him something to remember me by."_ Though it was clear in his voice that Gavin had a smile on his face. _  
_

"He's with _Merlin,_ Gavin."

_"One can hope."_

 

"Hope is for horses."

 

 _"You never know. I did not plan to interfere, but if there ever was an opportunity, a_ real _opportunity, I don't think I would let it pass me by. Only a fool would."_

 

Morgana decided to let it go. She knows Gavin and she knows the meaning behind a real opportunity and that would only mean in a case where Merlin and Arthur would have broken up. She could not argue with that.

 

"Thank you again, and tell Victoria and Beckah hello for me. Give Victoria hugs and kisses for me."

_"Will do."  
_

 

"Goodbye, Gavin."

_"Goodbye, Morgana."_

 

Arthur may have not known Gavin but Morgana did. They hung around the same circle in uni. Gavin even spent time with the gang during pub nights. He only separated shortly before they all left uni because of his problems with Beckah and his having a baby at home. Beckah and Gavin were married quickly during their time at uni. They spent every waking moment together it seemed but after they graduated the problems started and shortly after that Gavin admitted to being gay. It was not an easy break up especially with a child involved but they pulled it together. Morgana thinks it was mainly because they were friends first. She knows a lot of this for a fact because she was good friends with both Gavin and Beckah at a time.

 

Beckah didn't stay in touch, but Gavin did. Morgana and Leon still sent Christmas cards and presents to Gavin and Victoria and received some in return. They sometimes managed to meet up at what they called their Annual Gang Pub Night. That Arthur did not recognize Gavin is sure proof that his life was wrapped around the company and the company alone. Everyone else would have recognized him off of the bat. It worked out in their favor though. Who knows what Arthur could have gotten up to if Gavin had not been present for a drink after work and made that phone call to Morgana. She didn't even want to think about it.

 

One thing was for certain, they all were going to have a long road ahead of them. Morgana sighed deeply to turn around only to be startled by Leon.

 

Morgana clutching her chest said. "Leon, you startled me."

 

"I only startle you when you have something to hard. So out with it."

 

"I don't know what you are talking about." Morgana said in her best surprised face and tone.

 

"Morgana, we agreed to no interfering in Arthur's life. I heard you talking to Gavin and by the bits and pieces of the conversation that I heard and the fact that Gavin does talk loud on the phone I get the impression that is exactly what you have done."

 

"No, that's not true. And I have kept my promise." Morgana flushed a little by the look of exasperation on Leon's face. "Well, okay, I have kept it to the best that I could under these circumstances. Arthur did agree for my help you see."

 

Leon continued to stare Morgana down to her next reply, it worked every time.

 

"Well fine, he did not know about Gavin but that had nothing to do with me and its not my fault that Arthur didn't recognize him. We all went to uni together for crying out loud."

 

Leon continued to stare but not as intense before.

 

"I get it Leon. But if Gavin was not there today who knows what could have happened."

 

"I get it too sweetheart but the reason why we made that agreement was because you were miserable without Arthur in your life and you did not want to push him away anymore."

 

"I know, and I am trying. And this is the closest we have been in a long time. But I don't want him to feel manipulated right now because he wasn't, though Arthur in his current state may not feel that way. I just think it would be better not to mention it until much later."

 

"Secrets have a way of coming out whether you want them to or not."

 

"Well, hopefully we can prolong the outcome. It was not meant to do any harm to Arthur and I am sure that he will see that after his mind is free of the stress that he is under."

 

Leon nodded at that before responding, "That stress that he is under might be around for a long time."

 

"Then I will have to rethink my tactics." Morgana responded, exhaustion taking its effect on her.

 

"I am sure that you will. But for now, let's get back to the hotel its getting late." Leon responding while sliding his arm around Morgana. She leaned into him in response rather easily resting her head on his shoulder as they walked on."

 

Leon heard a lot more of the conversation between Gavin and Morgana than he led on to. He also noticed Morgana's body language when they got on the topic of having children. He knows that this is a discussion that he and Morgana need to have but they can put it off for a little while longer due to the happenings around them. But, not too much longer. Leon has always imagined having children with Morgana. It makes his chest ache with happiness just thinking about it. Yes, this was _definitely_ a topic that was still open to discussion.

 

But for today, _today_ , its still about Arthur and Merlin. And with that, Leon pulled his wife closer to him, kissed her forehead, and took her back to the hotel.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like this chapter? How did you like Gavin's involvement with Arthur and Gavin's sideline story? I would like to hear from you! It makes a big difference and sometimes influences what happens next in the story itself.
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> Merlin makes a major decision. How will it affect his relationship with Arthur?  
> The gang, Merlin, and Arthur prepare to go back home.  
> There's more, but I decided to keep the rest a secret.
> 
> As always, kudos, reviews, bookmarks, and subscriptions are like giving presents on Christmas. You can't have enough of it.


	28. Needing help does not make you weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur have another disagreement.  
> Merlin attempts to decline the option for therapy.  
> Merlin has flashbacks of the past, and he and Uther have a talk.  
> Gwaine also attempts to comfort Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another long chapter but it covers a lot. If I haven't responded to your reviews yet from the previous chapter please give me a few minutes and you should be receiving it shortly.
> 
> This chapter took a lot of research, I hope you enjoy the read. And as always thank you for the reviews, kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions. It means more than you know. And in some cases helps me to make decisions as to where to take the story next.

  
_Merlin knew that he could not do without Arthur in his life and he knew that Arthur thought the same way about him. He felt it now, and he feels it more and more every time Arthur says those words to him or every time Arthur kisses him. Merlin also knows that he has to get rid of that feeling that he is not good enough for Arthur, the feeling that he is damaged goods. Yes, Merlin thinks he has made a decision. No, he knows that he has. He went to sleep with happier thoughts on his mind for the first time since he got abducted._  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 28

  
  
Arthur awakes suddenly this next morning after being startled by a knock on the door first, meeting the floor second, and looking back at the bed to find the most beautiful shade of blue eyes looking back at him. It would have been funny if the floor didn't hurt.  
  
"Arthur?"  
  
"Mr. Pendragon?"  
  
Arthur looked at both Merlin and Dr. Monmouth and gave a small grin before stretching and picking himself off of the floor. He thinks he will have some bruises but at least nothing is broken. That has got to be a plus.  
  
"I'm okay, really. The door startled me and the bed was not that big. But really, I'm fine."  
  
Arthur really doesn't know the hospital's policy for sharing beds but he is pretty certain that he is not allowed to share one with Merlin. Though Dr. Monmouth may look embarrassed at the moment he does not look as if he is about to scold them on their behavior. _"Guess being a Pendragon really pays off in cases like this."_ Arthur thinks to himself.  
  
There seemed to be silence for a few seconds with everyone trying to think their way out of the awkward moment until Arthur finally took the plunge. "Is everything alright doctor?"  
  
"Oh..er..yes?" Yes, Dr. Monmouth was embarrassed and clearly did disagree with Arthur and Merlin being in the same bed but could not say anything about it. "I wanted to check in on Mr. Emrys this morning. How are you feeling?"  
  
Merlin was a little tired of hearing that question thrown at him but smiled anyway. "I'm feeling a lot better actually. My head is anyway. I still feel the stiffness but I understand that is what the physical therapy is partly for?"  
  
"Yes, that is correct, and while we are on the subject of physical therapy I am happy to inform that this starts today. In fact, lets just say that this day is going to be a busy one for you.-"  
  
"That's good progress right?" Arthur interjected.  
  
"Very good progress indeed." Dr. Monmouth agreed. "In addition to the physical therapy you are also scheduled for a visit by our crisis therapist. Her name is Dr. Constance O'Malley, she is one of the best in her field and she has been called in to conduct your psychological evaluation. It will be based on her findings to determine whether additional therapy will be necessary after you are released, she may also require an additional session before you are released as well-"  
  
"I do not want to have a psychological evaluation to determine my state of mind telling me I need additional help or that something is wrong with me. I've been coping just fine. Thank you for the offer Dr. Monmouth but its not necessary." Merlin was quick to cut in an interject. Arthur completely disagreed with that last sentence but Dr. Monmouth continued from there.  
  
"We understand that this has been a difficult time for you Mr. Emrys but having the psychological evaluation is actually more for your benefit than for anyone else-"  
  
"I appreciate the offer but I would like to decline it at this time."  
  
"Merlin, it may be something that you want to reconsider, after everything-" Arthur attempted to say this time before Merlin cut him off as well.  
  
"I said _no_ , Arthur." Arthur was not sure what to say this time because again Merlin was not accepting or wanting to listen to his input. And after yesterday he was uncertain of the best way to approach the situation. He had thought that he and Merlin had made some sort of breakthrough, _apparently not_. Fortunately for him it was Dr. Monmouth that said something this time.  
  
"Mr. Emrys, I understand that the evaluation may seem like something that may not be helpful or of use to you but it is our hospital policy that is in place in accordance of the law that if someone is physically abused in the nature that you have been sexually than a psychological evaluation is mandatory upon release. We have allowed many adjustments due to certain _privileges_ (Arthur knew those _privileges_ were _Pendragon privileges_ ) but there are certain rules that cannot be broken and the evaluation is one of those."  
  
"And I am not able to refuse this evaluation at all?"  
  
"Refusing the evaluation may delay your release."  
  
"It sounds like you have given me no choice in the matter. It doesn't mean I have to say anything to her once she arrives."  
  
Dr. Monmouth hesitates for a moment, glances towards Arthur, and then looks back at Merlin again before responding gently. "Mr. Emrys, it is certainly your choice whether or not you choose to accept the help of a therapist but I highly recommend that you _do_ accept the help. You may not realize it but a person that goes through what you have been through needs to have a way to deal with the emotions that may be pent up inside. You may not see it now but-"  
  
"Thank you doctor for your concerns, I will take it under advisement. Is there anything else." Merlin replies coolly after interrupting the doctor yet again." His jaw tight and eyes focused straight ahead.  
  
Dr. Monmouth hesitates again before responding, "No, that pretty much covers it. The physical therapist should be arriving shortly after your breakfast and after that the Dr. O'Malley will arrive for the evaluation."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Dr. Monmouth doesn't say much else, he looks at Merlin one more time sympathetically before looking at Arthur, and with a nod to Arthur he leaves the room.  
  
Arthur runs a hand in his hair for a moment, takes a deep breath before attempting to say anything. "Merlin,-"  
  
"Arthur, if you don't mind I need some time alone for a while."  
  
That _gutted_ Arthur. It was almost worse than what happened the previous day. He closed his eyes again before opening them and tried for a smile, _it failed_ , before turning to Merlin to speak. "I'll give you some time. I'll just check on our lot for a bit. It sounds you have a busy day ahead."  
  
Merlin respond to that and he doesn't give Arthur direct eye contact, purposely averting his gaze. He _does_ manage to touch Arthur hand, pressing their hands together for a moment before telling him thank you.  
  
Arthur takes it as his dismissal before putting his shoes and preparing to leave the room.  
  
"Arthur." Merlin calls out as Arthur makes it across the room and reaches the door.  
  
Arthur stops, hand on the doorknob of their room, heart beating fast, to turn around trying again with another smile that doesn't quite meet his eyes. "Yes, Merlin?"  
  
Merlin does look Arthur in the eyes this time but his eyes while at the same time looking at him, withdrawn, manages to say, "Thank you."  
  
Arthur nods and this time leaves the room.  
  
Merlin looks at Arthur's retreating form and he looks at the now closed door and he is _afraid_ , so afraid, that he is going to lose him. But to speak about the things that happened, to open up when he is trying to move on..like pulling stitches from a gun wound barely healed...Merlin thinks it may just bury him. That..that it may be it for him. He runs a hand through his hair and tugs at it until it hurts, eyes watering. There are so many things that come to mind, Merlin considers his nightmares about it when he sleeps. He thinks about what he sees during different intervals of the day when he is alone, and sometimes when he closes his eyes.   
  
Yes, Merlin _knows_ that he needs to speak with someone. The problem is he doesn't know _how_. And on top of that Merlin is afraid that he will never be that person that Arthur fell in love with originally ever again. That is the part that scares him most of all. Merlin knows how to pretend, he's pretended so well after Valiant of course, but Arthur knows him and knows him well. Can he pretend now again with him? Merlin wraps his arms around himself like a security blanket and tries to pull himself together afraid of what the day may bring.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Arthur does not know what to do. There is no manual for how to deal with Merlin in this situation. Sure there are books, self helps, and counselors but it is not the same. Every situation is different for each person and this is a whole new avenue for him. He wants to be there for Merlin. Arthur is a man of action not a man that sits on the sidelines and watch how things fall apart before his very eyes. When things need fixing that is what Arthur does, he fixes it. Arthur struggles with himself as he walks into the waiting room and sits down. For the first time it doesn't seem like anyone is there yet. And Arthur thinks it maybe for the best that no one is, at least no one will see him falling apart at the seams. How can he help Merlin if Merlin does not want to be helped himself?  
  
Arthur wants to cry, he really wants to cry, but he doesn't. He knows that crying is not going to fix anything this time, he almost wishes Morgana was here but he is afraid of what she might say. Afraid she won't have anything _to say_. Is he pushing Merlin too far? Is he doing the right thing? Should he have left when Merlin asked him for space? Should he have fought more with Merlin when discussing a need for a therapist? Because Arthur is definitely thinking that Merlin does need a therapist now. Something has to give and soon. Yes, it hasn't been long since the ordeal with Mordred but is this typical behavior after a rape or are there other things to consider. How is Merlin's situation different from everyone else's? Arthur mind was coming up with all sorts of questions before it got interrupted.  
  
"Princess, you look like hell!" Gwaine stated, and Arthur realized that it wasn't a joke because for the first time in his life he probably does.  
  
"Why thanks for that Gwaine."  
  
"Anytime. Will sure you would probably still get the People sexiest man alive ranking again with that rolled out of bed look but, yeah. You look like you have seen much better days."  
   
Arthur knew that was meant to cheer him up and doesn't take the bait. "What are you on duty?"  
  
"Just got off, was on my way to check on you and Merlin actually."  
  
"Merlin wants to be alone for a while."  
  
Gwaine gave Arthur a knowing look before responding. "Well then, my next stop was going to be to the hotel for a change a clothes. Took a shower in our room already." Gwaine was talking as he walked over to Arthur practically scooping him up by the shoulders. "How about you come on back with me for a while. You can freshen up. I am sure Morgana's got some clothes for you, and then I was thinking about a nice stiff drink." Gwaine concluded while tugging Arthur along.  
  
Arthur turned to Gwaine eying him tiredly, "You really think drinks solve everything don't you Gwaine?"  
  
Gwaine looks at Arthur with all of the seriousness he can muster before responding again, "Its the next best thing to sex Arthur."  
  
Arthur laughed that time. It was the first sincere laugh that he actually had and felt in a while. "I wouldn't go that far."  
  
"I would, take it from a man that's had plenty of sex and plenty of drinks." Gwaine continued as they walked on. "So, why did Merlin wish to be alone and why were moping out in the lounge by your lonesome?"  
  
"He had a visit from Dr. Monmouth this morning."  
  
"And,"  
  
"He heard something that he particularly did not like,"  
  
"Drowning here man.."  
  
"Dr. Monmouth is setting him up for physical therapy-"  
  
"That does not sound like a problem."  
  
"And a psychological evaluation."  
  
Gwaine raises a brow, "That sounds like a problem."  
  
"Why does that sound like a problem."  
  
Gwaine paused for a moment before rubbing his beard. The elevators opened allowing him and Arthur to enter and he pressed the button for the lobby before responding. "Merlin has been through a lot Arthur."  
  
"I know he has Gwaine."  
  
"No I mean, he's _been through a lot_." Gwaine raises a hand for a moment to forestall Arthur before he interrupts again. "Merlin is the type of person that survives. He moves and moves and bottles things up as it happens and keeps moving. Merlin is _not_ the person that will tell every single thing that happens to him along the way but he manages to keep on moving regardless."  
  
"What are you trying to say, Gwaine." Arthur snapped.  
  
Gwaine ignores the snap and answers. "What I am trying to say is that Merlin is the king of suppressing his emotions, Arthur. You were not there when Valiant was around. We were. I spent lots of time with Merlin. So did Morgana and Gwen and the rest of our lot helped when they could. Merlin did not go to therapy _nor_ did he want to. Merlin was a wreck at first but he picked himself up and kept _moving._ Did he talk about the abusive relationship that he was in with that bastard? _No._ Did he talk about the rape? Only for us to know what happened through the signs displayed and his withdrawal and only when we confronted him. Did he talk about the abuse? Only when the bruises and the hospital visits gave it away." (Arthur gasped at that, almost clinching his fists - angry, and wishing he could beat the hell out of Valiant for what he put Merlin through. Wishing he could beat the hell out of someone for the pieces that he is picking up now).  
  
"So you are saying that Merlin is going to continue this way and refuse to get help?"  
  
"I am saying that its going to take a lot to get him to admit that he _needs_ that help, at least out loud. He is going to have to think there is no other choice, that he may lose something important, or something may have to happen to put things into perspective for him." Gwaine pauses again as the elevator door opens and they walk through the lobby and out the hospital door before getting into a rental SUV. He stays quiet until he and Arthur are both buckled up and has turned the key into the ignition. "You also have to take into consideration that it is different this time, Arthur."  
  
"How is it different?"  
  
"He has you."  
  
"Fat lot of good its doing for him right now. He doesn't want me there."  
  
"He wants you there, Arthur."  
  
"He keeps pushing me away!"  
  
"He is _hurting_ Arthur. Merlin has never been one to control his emotions like this and I can imagine its on a high. And he probably feels like he has no control. That's why he suppresses them, to keep himself in check. To protect those around him and to protect himself. To keep himself from the hurt and from not falling apart on the inside. But my point is it is different this time. He has you and you treat him like he is special and the rarest of things. You love him and we all can see it." (Arthur smiled at that and Gwaine gave a wry grin back, they don't do emotions often and Gwaine knows when and when not to allow it. That is where him and Gwaine are so much alike). "Our lot might call that being whipped, but I call it being in love. And I happen to know a secret."  
  
Arthur looked at his friend with another smile, another _sincere_ smile. "And what might that secret be?"  
  
"That Merlin loves you too. And he may be going through his own emotional hell right now. It may seem like he is pushing you away. It may even seem like he is going to pull a runner like he used to do so often before you and before you two got serious but the bottom line is, he loves you. And I think that keeping you is going to play a factor in his decision making process this time."  
  
"Okay, Dr. Phil, (Gwaine laughs at that) what do _I_ do in the meantime. How can I be there when he keeps pushing me away, refuses to hear me out, and does not take my input?"  
  
Gwaine pauses again, taking his time to answer. "You allow him the time that he needs when he needs it and hold on to him tight when your there. You support him, let him know that you love him, listen for clues, and encourage him to make the right choice without telling him what to do. Merlin is not one that takes kindly to being pushed, _at least_ , not when it comes to this. Not so early on anyway."  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Merlin kept his eyes closed alone in his thoughts and his own demons. The last few days flashing back, the last few years coming forward, and the events of the past few weeks even closer. It still feels like yesterday that he was bound and gagged in that cabin with Mordred being introduced to his counterparts Cenred and Cornelius. It still feels like yesterday that he was beaten and raped and thought he was going to die. Not knowing if he would ever see Arthur, his friends, or his family again. He flashes back again to another situation.  
  
 _"You think someone else well want you. No one else is_ ever _going to want you. Who would. Your pathetic Merlin, you are too pale, you're too skinny, you're too ugly, and you'll never amount to nothing. You're lucky I take pity on you to keep you. The only thing you will ever be good for is sucking my cock. You got that Merlin? That's it!"_  
  
Merlin remembered Valiant's hateful words as if he said it yesterday too. When he tried to break down Merlin's confidence, he succeeded then. He remembers their first fight, they had plenty and he remembers the first time Valiant hit him too, just like yesterday. It was the night Valiant came home drunk, he just lot another job. The fight was over something...oh yes, he wanted to go to Gwen's birthday party. It was his first invite.  
  
 _"Who are you going to meet out there Merlin?"  
  
"No one, the gang is going to be there and they want to meet you-"  
  
"And when did you become friends with these people all of a sudden."  
  
"I told you I met Gwen during my sociology seminar and we became friends from there. Then I met Morgana and Gwaine, and from there the rest of the lot."  
  
"And whose this _Gwaine _, you're going to meet him aren't you?"  
  
"No! No Valiant, he has a girlfriend-"  
  
"Your lying, Merlin."  
  
"I'm not-"  
  
"Your not going."  
  
"I am too, I already told her I would be there and I bought her a present and everything. What's the matter with you?"  
  
Valiant grabbed Merlin by the neck cutting off his oxygen while Merlin tried to fight back. Unable to fight him off, with Valiant being significantly bigger than Merlin he was slammed against the wall and _hard _, Merlin's feet was not even on the ground while Valiant's hand was still wrapped around Merlin's neck. "I said you are not going, you will not leave this flat. Do you hear me?"  
  
Merlin was terrified. He couldn't move, the slam to the wall had him seeing spots and he was frozen in fear. He barely could speak due to Valiant's hold on his neck but he managed to nod, barely, and croaked, "O..Kay."  
  
Valiant released Merlin quickly. Merlin was so shaky he did not land on his feet immediately falling on the floor. "Good, now get out of my sight you fucking whore. And I better not here about this group of yours again."_  
  
Merlin remembered that the hits kept going from there. Yes, that moment definitely felt like yesterday. Merlin touched his neck as if the swelling and bruises from that night was still there. He thought about the blood on the wall of their old flat, _his blood_ , that took time to be cleaned since the walls were white. He thought about the splitting lump that was on the back of his head and the spots in his vision that took a few hours to clear. Merlin was so deep in his thoughts that he practically jumped out of his skin when the room door opened.  
  
"Sorry to startle you Merlin. I knocked several times but I knew someone was in and I wanted to check in on you and see if Arthur was alright. I have been on a lot of conference calls over the past few days."   
  
Merlin was still reeling from his flashbacks and Uther was looking at Merlin like he had some sort of mental affliction for the moment. This was not good Merlin thought.  
  
"I am fine actually. Arthur stepped out for a bit, he should be back soon."  
  
"Do you know where he went? I think his phone may be off and I checked the hospital cafeteria and the lounge area but there was no sign of him."  
  
Merlin blinked at that. He didn't expect Arthur to leave altogether, he just needed some time alone to himself. "No..he didn't tell me he was leaving the hospital."  
  
"Is everything alright, Merlin?"  
  
Merlin was really tired of people asking him that question but he knew he couldn't be rude to Uther after everything he has done for him. "I'm fine, really." Merlin attempted a smile. The look on Uther's face showed his attempt failed.  
  
"So, I hear you have a busy day ahead of you." Uther stated, watching Merlin carefully.  
  
"I do?" Merlin responded in the form of a question.  
  
"That's what Dr. Monmouth said when I checked on your progress this morning. He said you have you first round of physical therapy today. I'm sure you're ready to get back on your feet again."  
  
"I'll say. I feel like I've been stuck here while everyone else comes and goes as they please. I would love to just get out of here for a while or better to go home."  
  
"I can imagine." Uther says gently before going to bigger topics. "He also told me that you have your first psychological evaluation today as well."  
  
Merlin tensed at that wishing he was anywhere than where he was in the room with Uther. "Yes."  
  
"He said that you said no to the evaluation at first until he told you it was mandatory."  
  
Merlin looked at Uther then. But he did not see any signs of disappointment, judgement, or outrage. In fact, Uther's face was expressionless though his eyes showed concern. Sort of like Arthur does when he does not want you to know what he is thinking or feeling. Merlin thinks it must be a Pendragon thing because Morgana does it too. "I did."  
  
"Is there any reason why?"  
  
"I don't need therapy, I can handle things fine on my own. Like I always have." Merlin knew he was lying to himself but he was trying to hold on to last shred of dignity that he had.  
  
Uther seemed to know that too. That's why what he said next threw Merlin for a loop. "You know, I went to therapy before."  
  
"You did."  
  
"I did, it was not like your situation but when my Ygraine died a huge part of me died too and I still had Morgana and Arthur to raise not to mention a company to run. It nearly destroyed me and I had no avenue to share my grief. My friends at the time though they were good, could never understand what I was going through. There was never anyone to open up to and I was dying inside little by little and it was affecting Morgana and Arthur, especially Arthur the most. He looked like her you know."  
  
"I know."  
  
"It was a constant reminder and I think in some ways where it should have brought me closer to him it pushed me further away. I placed and still place a lot of expectations on him, for him to be perfect, just like his mother was."  
  
"He is perfect."  
  
Uther smiled at that. "Yes..yes he is, both he and Morgana are for that matter. Though they both have their own flaws, we all do. My point is there are going to be things in this life that happen to us that are beyond our control and there will be times where we will need help from others. We have our friends, we have our family, but if we want to keep them the way that we love them we might want to reach out for help when the help is offered. Is does not make us weak to ask for help. It only makes us weak to know that we need help and to refuse it knowingly anyway."  
  
"Why are you telling me this?" Merlin asked tearing up again.  
  
Uther sighed before rubbing his forehead. "Because Arthur adores you and I watched him almost fall apart during this whole mess. And I have also come to know you, we may not have spoken much aside from our outing but I have heard a lot about you from your friends and they all care for you. You have a good heart and a good head on your shoulders, and I would hate to say you lose part of yourself through what you've been through because you refuse to get the help that you need. You don't deserve that and neither does Arthur." Merlin swallowed hard at that.  
  
Neither Uther nor Merlin got the opportunity to say anything else before there was a brief knock on the door and the door opened to reveal a man in green scrubs, a scruffy beard, a big smile, and a clipboard.  
  
"Mr. Emrys?"  
  
"That's me." Merlin replied, already exhausted from the days events and the day hadn't even started yet.  
  
"My name is Ian, and I'll be assisting you with your physical therapy this morning."  
  
"Sounds fun."  
  
"No promises on fun, but the sooner we can get you out of this bed, the better it will be for you."  
  
"Merlin, I'll just go ahead and leave you to it." Uther gave Merlin a fixed look. "Think about what I said, Merlin."  
  
"I will, thank you."  
  
Uther nodded in response before leaving the room.  
  
"Alright Mr. Emrys, we know with the test that we have ran so far that the parts of your anatomy that has be least responsive has been your legs is that correct?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"When you first arrived you also complained about numbness in your arms and fingers. At least that was in the report. So with the swelling being relieved from your brain some of that went away for you. You will see that some of the problems with your legs is probably from disuse. You also have to keep in mind that the process may be a little longer due to the seizures and the cardiac arrest so don't rush while we are up. Take your time and follow my lead. We will work together to get you out of this bed and we will walk for as long as you can with me helping to support you for this first time. Keep in mind that the first round as physical therapy in this case is more for assessment purposes to give us an idea of what needs to be done and for how long. Afterwards we will go down to the PT room to work on some muscular exercises. It won't run as long as a normal therapy time but it will give something to work with. This will also help your physical therapist when you get back home okay?"  
  
"Yeah, the going home part sounds better."  
  
"Never had a patient that didn't say otherwise."  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Just as Gwaine said, Morgana did have even more clothes for him. Apparently she went shopping, _again_. She took one look at him when she opened the door to her room and pulled him into a tight embrace. She didn't seem to ask many questions, apparently she knew the answers already. She threw him into the shower just like the day before, ordered him room service, and made sure that he ate. While he was eating she pulled Gwaine to the side and apparently they were having a hushed conversation, though he heard his and Merlin's name a few times. Arthur found he didn't seem to care. His thoughts kept straying to Merlin and what he could do to fix this for him while knowing that he doesn't think things can be fixed the same way again.   
  
Everyone's phones received an incoming message, well, except for Arthur. It seemed he forgot to turn his phone back on the since the other night. But they message received was clear, they were being summoned. No one said anything as they gathered their things together, when they were about to leave the room Arthur turned around facing Gwaine and Morgana, it was Morgana that spoke.  
  
"Everything is going to be fine, Arthur. We know that Merlin is feeling well and that he is recovering so it can't be that kind of an emergency. It's just father needing to speak with all of us. Don't worry." Morgana smiled then but her smile like his didn't reach her eyes. Instead it seemed to be placed with the worry she was discouraging him against. She pulled him again in an embrace and led the way out of the room then, followed by Gwaine and a lost Arthur in her wake.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
It didn't take long for everyone to make it back to the hospital. They were all waiting in the lounge for Uther's arrival. It didn't take long and Arthur was the first one to jump in with questions.  
  
"Father, did something happen with Merlin while we were gone?"  
  
Uther smiled at Arthur then and squeezed his shoulder. "No, Merlin's fine son, he is in physical therapy right now. That is not the reason why I called you all." Uther took a look around to make sure that everyone was present before gesturing with his hand to the direction of the next corridor and saying, "Follow me."  
  
Arthur opened his mouth clearly wanting to ask more questions but thought better of it and followed his father, Morgana and the rest of the gang following closely behind. Uther led them through two more corridors that took them into a big conference room. The walls, like most of the hospital were white along with the baseboards. The wood conference table and chairs were made of mahogany wood. There was also a big glass window that allowed a good view of the city, and huge green potted plants were placed on the floor and some on the ceiling. There was a refrigerator in the conference room and counter space for coffee and food. The room was probably used for administrative purposes as it also had a projector, and a lap top as well. And at the head of the table sat a young women. She had red curly hair held in a tight bun, jade colored eyes, a button nose, thin lips yet lick able, and was very shapely. She had tits that was almost strategically aligning her breast jacket that even made Arthur look twice. Just not enough to break him out of his rut because it was only a few seconds later after taking his seat before he had questions..  
  
"Father, what is this about?"  
  
"Arthur, I would like you all to meet Dr. Constance O'Malley, she is going to be Merlin's therapist while he is here." The Dr. gave a smile as she glanced around the room."  
  
"Is something wrong with Merlin?" Arthur now directing his question to the Dr. O'Malley, worry evident in his expression this time.  
  
"I have yet to see Mr. Emrys. I am scheduled to meet with him next but I find it crucial in situations like these to speak with the friends and family of my patients, especially if the treatment may not be ongoing to prepare you of what to expect. You are all close friends of his am I correct?"  
  
Everyone nodded except for Arthur, "He's my boyfriend."  
  
Dr. O'Malley nodded before responding, "I see, well it may be a difficult road for all of you, it may be weeks or it maybe months, depending on Mr. Emrys. The purpose of this meeting again is to go over what to expect generally in these cases and to help you to cope while going through it. Mr. Emrys will have a long road ahead of him and how he deals with everything, how he responds to you, will make the difference in how things go from here."  
  
With every ones attention Dr. O'Malley continued on.  
  
"It is important to know when dealing with Mr. Emrys that he will have some very intense emotions, especially so soon after the rape. It can begin days or weeks after the rape and can decrease after two to six months. There may also be instances where he shows signs of low self-respect and sexual dysfunction."  
  
Arthur doesn't say anything about that, sex seems to be the least of what is on his mind at the moment.  
  
"You will see different defense mechanisms displaying itself when speaking with him. It can range from denial, suppression, (Arthur glanced towards Gwaine then) and dissociation. When suppressing feelings one tends to block out the strong emotions as a means of escape of painful feelings, it normally will last for a short time but can be exhausting psychologically."  
  
Dr. O'Malley looked around the room, seeing there were no questions yet continued on.   
  
"Denial and putting the worst parts of the assault out of the memory to avoid immediate distress is another thing to look for. While dissociation is another. Dissociation provides a feeling of ' _leaving_ one's body, this makes the trauma harder to remember, especially where the details are concerned."  
  
She paused again briefly before continuing.  
  
"These defense mechanisms may affect Mr. Emrys' ability to talk to you regarding his feelings in the matter of the abuse itself. He may also begin to avoid certain thoughts and feelings altogether. Though it may seem to help him the avoidance itself may cause other problems such as anxiety and depression. It may also begin to disrupt his work life and private life if he refuses to seek out help."  
  
The room got even quieter at that. But Arthur asked the question that was probably on everyone else's mind.  
  
"How can we help him get through this?"  
  
"By remembering that the recovery process depends largely on the reactions of family, friends, and other professionals. By remembering that it is important for Mr. Emrys to talk about the assault and when he does without being interrupted, questioned as a person, and that the trauma is not minimized and explained away. Mr. Emrys should not feel like he is at fault for what has occurred. You should remember that Mr. Emrys will on some level blame himself partly or fully already. He will have doubts of his own behavior and possible thoughts that he could have handled things differently to avoid this from happening to him.  
  
"Then why is he pushing us away from helping him?" Arthur asked while pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.  
  
"I am understanding this is not the first time that Mr. Emrys has been through this is that correct?"  
  
She watched their faces receiving her confirmation before continuing.  
  
"That is probably why he is declining the evaluation and the option for therapy at this time."  
  
"Why though? Wouldn't it help?" Lancelot asked this time leaning forward in his chair.  
  
"Yes, it would help but..you see, if Mr. Emrys addresses this rape then he will have to address the other one too in order to get past this."  
  
"Isn't that a good thing?" Percival asked.  
  
"It is a good thing but it may not _feel_ like a good thing to Mr. Emrys. You are talking about suppression that has been buried deep, once opened it will feel like a dam has cracked and collapsed in him. It will prove to be quite therapeutic in the long run but it will not feel like it as it is happening."  
  
No one commented after that.  
  
Dr. O'Malley sighed before continuing, "Look, I understand that this is going to be difficult for you all, especially you Mr. Pendragon." (Dr. O'Malley looking at Arthur before proceeding) I am not saying that you are to tip toe around Mr. Emrys or cater to his whims and I am asking you not to because it would more than likely backfire. What I am asking you to do is keep all of these things in mind in your interactions with him. And while keeping these things in mind please remember that each case is different. Do not follow my words word for word like a manual, adjust it and yourself as needed to help Mr. Emrys when the times get difficult as I am sure that they will. I wish I had more time to speak with you all but I must head on to see Mr. Emrys now. Mr. Pendragon has my contact information if you need to speak with me further or if you have any questions along the way."  
  
And with that Dr. O'Malley said her goodbyes and headed off to see Merlin. And boy did everyone want to be a fly on the wall for that meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how did you like the chapter? The Merlin and Arthur moment, the flashbacks, Uther and Merlin, Gwaine and Arthur, the doctor and so forth? I would like to hear from you.
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> The assessment comes back from Merlin's first physical therapy appointment.  
> Merlin and Dr. O'Malley meet.  
> Merlin and Arthur share a picnic and begin sorting through things.  
> The gang decides it is time for a strong drink.  
> And yes, there's more. I had more for this chapter but it was getting too long and each part of it was important in some way. 
> 
> Thank you in advance for reviewing, giving kudos, bookmarks, and for subscribing.


	29. Arthur decides its time to change tactics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin goes for physical therapy and has his psychological evaluation, despite his best efforts of avoiding the evaluation.  
> The gang decides its time for a pub night, minus Merlin and Arthur.  
> Merlin continues to push Arthur away and Arthur decides to change tactics.  
> Merlin and Arthur go on a picnic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another long chapter but it too covers a lot. If I haven't responded to your reviews yet from the previous chapter please give me a few minutes and you should be receiving it shortly. I would have responded sooner but this was not a good week in the pain department.
> 
> This chapter also took a lot of research, I hope you enjoy the read. And as always thank you for the reviews, kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions. It means more than you know. And in some cases helps me to make decisions as to where to take the story next.

 

 

 

 

_Dr. O'Malley sighed before continuing, "Look, I understand that this is going to be difficult for you all, especially you Mr. Pendragon." (Dr. O'Malley looking at Arthur before proceeding) I am not saying that you are to tip toe around Mr. Emrys or cater to his whims and I am asking you not to because it would more than likely backfire. What I am asking you to do is keep all of these things in mind in your interactions with him. And while keeping these things in mind please remember that each case is different. Do not follow my words word for word like a manual, adjust it and yourself as needed to help Mr. Emrys when the times get difficult as I am sure that they will. I wish I had more time to speak with you all but I must head on to see Mr. Emrys now. Mr. Pendragon has my contact information if you need to speak with me further or if you have any questions along the way."_

_And with that Dr. O'Malley said her goodbyes and headed off to see Merlin. And boy did everyone want to be a fly on the wall for that meeting._

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 29

Merlin had one thought after returning from physical therapy, fifteen minutes after eating his lunch, and that thought was that physical therapy was a bitch. Merlin should have known, in fact the technician gave him an idea of what to expect but the pamphlet said that in the first visit there would be a series of test and discussions. Which Merlin soon found out was not necessary seeing that he was in the hospital and all of his records were transferred to the viewing of the physical therapist that happily made use of it. He did however undergo an examination to evaluate his strengths, flexibility, balance, coordination, and posture. An evaluation that he hopes to never experience again. And considering that Merlin had not been able to walk for a little over a week, suffered a major brain trauma, endured a cardiac arrest, and several seizures, one could see how this could be a bit of a strain. Which in turn only left him in a pissed off mood and definitely not ready for the next visitor that came to his door. And remembering that he did not have a choice in the matter made Merlin that more upset than he had been to begin with.

After a brief knock on the door it was opened. The door opened to a beautiful lady with red hair and jewel colored green eyes. Merlin may be gay but he could still appreciate good looks when he saw it. And yes, Merlin also looked twice at the tits. He wondered if she dressed like that on purpose to keep his attention. It would have been successful if he wasn't gay and taken.

"Mr. Emrys?"

"Yes." Merlin said tightly.

"Hello, my name is Dr. O'Malley. I've been called in to conduct your psychological evaluation today."

"You know that I did decline that evaluation correct?"

"I do. As you also know that it is mandatory and contingent upon your release is that correct?"

"Yes."

The doctor kept a close watch in observing Merlin through their interaction attempting to hear the things that Merlin would not say aloud and focusing on his body language, tone, and mannerism. In viewing that she decided to change tactics getting the impression from what she heard that she probably had one good chance to get through to the man or to leave an impression and that she needed to take full advantage of the opportunity.

"Merlin, is it alright for me to call you by your first name?"

Merlin, surprised, responded, "Yes, that will be fine."

"Thank you." Dr. O'Malley took a seat at Merlin's bedside before continuing. "Merlin, I know that you feel that you do not need this evaluation and believe it or not there are dozens of people that I deal with that would agree with you. The problem is that it normally backfires for them somewhere down the line. (The doctor paused for a moment allowing that to settle in before continuing). It normally backfires because it is used more as a defense mechanism to block out the real issues and those real issues tend to manifest spectacularly at a later date when it comes to a point that those issues realize that they had in fact not been resolved, just ignored."

Merlin swallowed hard at that comment but was still not in the mood to just give in just because everyone seems to think that this is what is best for him. The doctor was clearly focusing on him and possibly reading his mind because the next thing she said followed along the lines of those thoughts.

"Now Merlin, the purpose of this evaluation is to decide whether or not there is a need for additional counseling for you. It is not meant to force you into accepting more but it is meant to help you in your path to recovery. The evaluation will be based on a normal post traumatic stress disorder evaluation, which is required when a patient endures what you experienced. Once we complete it we will discuss the scoring and then I would like to go over some of the things that are more of warning signs for help if you choose not to discuss the rape (Merlin flinched and the Dr. noticed) with myself or someone else. I am not here to pressure you Merlin, only to see you well. This session should run for about an hour and please, when answering the questions for the evaluation I would ask that you answer the questions truthfully as a yes or a no. If you want to expound from the answer please feel free to do so. But in order to evaluate you appropriately I am going to need your complete cooperation. After we are finished if you still do not want additional therapy I will leave you behind with nothing but my card and telephone number. Do we have ourselves a deal?"

Dr. O'Malley asked with her hand out to shake in order to confirm or reject the deal. Merlin found himself agreeing to it because it was the best offer he had knowing that he could decline further treatment at the end without ridicule or coercion.

Merlin gripped and shook Dr. O'Malley's hand in response, "Deal."

"Good, well as I stated we will start off with a series of questions. They are to be answered as a yes or no but feel free elaborate on your answers if you choose. Based on your scoring it will determine if you are suffering from or are a candidate for having a post traumatic stress disorder. Please note that there is nothing wrong with this nor is it uncommon. People are treated for this overcoming it everyday. But most do have to have treatment for this condition. (The doctor studied Merlin some more but it seemed like he was focused on something above her shoulder almost determined not to allow the words to sink in). Shall we get started?"

Merlin nodded as a response. It was going to be a long session.

"Merlin, have you experienced or witnessed an event in your past that was any or all of extremely scary, horrifying, assaulting, and/or life-threatening?"

"Yes."

"Do you have recurrent and distressing memories of the event, even when you try not to think about it?"

"Yes."

"Are you having recurrent dreams of parts or all of the trauma?"

Merlin frowned before responding, "Yes."

"Do you sometimes feel like you are experiencing some part, parts and/or all of the traumatic event over again?"

"Yes." It came out in a whisper.

"Do you sometimes find yourself feeling traumatized or very frightened about something and cannot associate any memories with the feeling?"

"Yes." Merlin knew that all of this had not in fact been about Mordred. That some of this was about Valiant. He understood but somehow everything was coming together on its own into something else entirely. As it there was some whole inside of him bleeding through with no way to patch it up. He was afraid if he told someone that it would never patch up only to get bigger. He couldn't, not now. Not when he was just barely holding everything together by a thread.

"Are you making efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings or talking about the trauma?"

Merlin ran a hand through his hair, tugging hard. "Yes." Merlin wanted to lie, he really, really did. But something deep down inside made him go against it, as if he needed to know what could and would be revealed. As if he would finally have a way out of the mess inside of his head.

"Do you avoid certain places, people, events and/or situations because they trigger (or might trigger) thoughts of the trauma?"

"I haven't-"

"Please answer yes or no first Merlin."

Merlin paused, "Yes." And that was not about Mordred. At least not yet anyway.

"Are you unable to recall important aspects of the trauma?"

"No."

"Do you feel detached or estranged from yourself and/or others?"

Merlin took a deep breath before answering, "Yes."

"Are you experiencing problems with falling or staying asleep?"

"Sometimes."

"Once again, please answer yes or no first Merlin."

"Yes."

"Are you having trouble concentrating, being irritable or jumpy?"

"Yes."

"When you think about the future, do you get a sense that it will be shortened for some unknown reason?"

"Yes."

"That was the last question Merlin."

"Well, how did I do?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

Merlin's jaw tightened. "Why don't you enlighten me."

"The assessment does show that you are suffering from a post traumatic stress disorder, Merlin. As I said earlier, I am not going to push. But I would still like to go over with you some of the warning signs that you need to be aware of."

Merlin laughed darkly at that. "If I failed your test than why do I have to be aware of it."

"Because I don't want those warning signs to become a reality for you."

"Fine."

"One of the biggest warning signs is self-blame. Many rape victims (Merlin tensed and the doctor noticed) tend to blame themselves first. They tend to think if they had done something differently, said something differently, anything, the outcome could have been different. Other warning signs can be anywhere from a lack of motivation to seek care, lack of empathy, self-harm, anger or aggression." The doctor paused for a minute to allow that to sink in. "Another warning sign is suicide."

Merlin ran his palms over his eyes, "I am not suicidal."

"Merlin, do you really think that the people that commit suicide start off being suicidal?"

"Yes...no. But that is not me."

"That is good to know but I am sure some of those same people said the same thing. When problems go on for so long without being addressed it tends to manifests in other ways. As it continued unfettered it takes over until it becomes an even bigger problem. If it continues to be ignored it will find a way to the forefront. That is where the problems begin. This is where the isolation starts, the blaming starts, the continuing of pushing people away starts, the problems at work, the problems at home, the problems with ones social life. It all comes to the forefront. And no, not everyone is suicidal but everyone can be subjected to the feelings that become of it if it lingers on for a extensive period of time without dealing with it Merlin."

The doctor waited for another moment before continuing on in the same calm tone, "Some of the minor signs that can become major is depression, suffering from eating disorders, dealing with poor self-esteem, dissociative and anxiety disorders, chronic pain, sexualized behavior, and substance abuse.

"Is there anything else that I need to know? Anything else you wish to tell me?" Merlin asked, tired and drained in his expression and speech.

"Off the record I do."

"By all means please share."

"Merlin, things happen in our lives that take time to heal. Some things can be healed naturally without any outside interference whatsoever while other things require more time. And there are other things require seeking help. It doesn't make you weak or any less capable. It means that you know when to recognize a battle that cannot be beaten by sheer will alone, and that makes you stronger and in some cases, dare I say, wise. Do not lose yourself to this. You have a wonderful support system in your friends and a man that adores that looks positively yummy-"

"He's mine."

"Is he? He seemed a little lost to me when I saw him."

"He has had a lot to deal with." Merlin replied but the comment did seem to hit the right spot because it hurt.

"And so do you."

"We are supposed to be a team."

"Well, if you don't lose sight of that and those friends of yours you will be one step ahead. Now, I am going to leave you with my card. It has all of my office contact information and on the back of my card you have my cell number. Call me if you need to talk or if you decided in favor of getting the therapy at a later date. I have contacts but I know that Uther will have some in mind for you as well if you decide to go ahead with therapy. If you just need someone to talk to give me a call.

Merlin nodded and the doctor left shortly afterwards following through with her deal. Merlin could only respect that.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Merlin understood that he was going to be evaluated but that did not turn out like he expected it to. It wasn't like he was feeling dissected. That was more of what he was expecting to endure during the evaluation. It was personal, just not as personal as he thought it would be. But the more and more Merlin thought about it he could not relent in his mind to accept the counseling. Something kept holding him back and he could not see a way through it to change his course. Merlin groaned feeling drained, feeling so tired of it all. What did he do to keep deserving this? Who did he wrong? What did he say? Could he have done anything differently? How could he make this all go away. His mind drifted off to another place and it brought him back to the cabin this time. This time instead of thoughts of Valiant there were thoughts of Cenred, of Mordred.

  
_Cenred reaches Merlin now after what felt like an hour but could only be minutes. Slowly, Cenred lays down directly on top of him from head to feet and inhales Merlin's scent like he is smelling his favorite brand of cologne. Merlin attempts to turn away but Cenred catches Merlin's face. He grabs his chin tightly, almost too tightly, enough to bruise, and Merlin winces._

_"You smell ravishing, Merlin. And your lips." Cenred says as he flicks his tongue across Merlin's lips. "Your lips, they are so plump. Almost like a woman's. I just want to taste it. They taste so good" As Merlin gasps Cenred takes it as his opportunity to plunge into Merlin's mouth. Merlin tries to push himself away but Cenred's hold is too strong. Cenred continues to devour Merlin's mouth, his tongue, his teeth. Its forceful and painful at the same time._

 "Merlin.."

Cenred moves downward piece by piece moving along to Merlin's jaw as Merlin begins to plead for Cenred to stop. Cenred ignores him as he kisses Merlin's jawline and uses his tongue to lick every part of it going back and forth from jawline, to neck, to Merlin's collar bone. He advises Merlin to shut up if he knows what's good for him and continues his onslaught.

"Merlin?"

 "Beautiful, just beautiful." Cenred whispers as he bites down hard on Merlin's neck and licks away the blood. Cenred is making hungry sounds like biting Merlin is supplementing for food somehow.

"Merlin..."

"Please, please. Please stop." Merlin continues to plead. His voice is hoarse. Tears are falling down the corners of his eyes and he is in so much pain.

_"Merlin!"_ Merlin sat up in a jolt, startled with the expression of a deer in a hunter's sight. His face was broken out in a sweat and he looked, _terrified_. He tensed even more when he noticed his shoulders were covered with someone else's hands thinking he was alone but was startled again to find out that he was not. Arthur got closer in Merlin's line of sight. "Merlin, its me. Its going to be alright. Everything is going to be alright." Merlin immediately calmed down but he did not relax. Arthur didn't say anything else, instead he sat at Merlin bedside an held him in an awkward embrace. Merlin was trembling. And Arthur just kept on whispering, "Its going to be alright." They rocked back in forth in the embrace for several minutes before Merlin finally calmed down. Arthur could tell because Merlin stopped trembling and his breathing seemed to even out. He sat back a little to look at Merlin, "Do you want to talk about it?"

  
Merlin teared up at that but shook his head. "No." Unbidden, the memories started replaying in Merlin's mind.

"Merlin, -"

"Arthur, I know I keep asking you this and I am so sorry but could you please... just give me some time alone."

It was the last thing that Arthur wanted to do. "Merlin, -"

"Arthur, please." Merlin raised his voice and was rocking back and forth on his own now running his hand through his hair. He started to shake again. Arthur never felt so distressed, so hurt to point where the pain was beginning to be a physical pain as of late that never seemed to go away and every time Merlin sent him away it got worse. But he couldn't do anything this time, this was about Merlin. He would have to find another way.

"Alright." Though Arthur tried to hide it his voice could not hide the hurt. Merlin felt like he died a little inside by hearing it. He rocked some more trying not to acknowledge it and trying not to acknowledge that Arthur didn't kiss him this time before pulling away. And just like the last time Merlin sent Arthur away Merlin called out to him.

"Arthur?" Merlin could tell that it took a lot for Arthur to turn around this time.

"Yes." Arthur said softly.

Eyes teary, Merlin could only say the one thing that seemed to have lost its meaning. "I am so sorry."

Arthur tried for a smile, it failed like so many smiles as of late. "Its alright Merlin. I'll be back in a little while. Get some rest." Arthur didn't wait for a response this time heading for the door. Merlin slid back down on the bed, turned on his side, and cried, still trembling and still frightened by his own memories.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Arthur walked out of the room and kept walking. He could see in the lounge that the lot was there but he didn't think that he had it in him this time to deal with them. This was something that he had to deal with on his own. At least this was what Arthur thought. Apparently fate had something different in store for him because his big sister seemed to have him on radar as of late and must have spotted him leaving the room. What other excuse could be for her calling him now.

"Arthur?"

Arthur attempted to keep going hoping she thought he was too wrapped up to notice her. He was wrong.

"Arthur Pendragon, don't you attempt to hide away from me!"

Why did he try again? Arthur paused and turned around. Morgana didn't even attempt to chase him in her six inch heels. She just waited patiently hands on her hips for Arthur to walk back to her, which he did.

"Yes, Morgana." Arthur responded trying to sound rude but his hurt seemed to overshadow that plan.

"How are you holding up?"

Arthur ran a hand through his hair in his attempt to pull himself together before responding. "I'm fine, everything is fine."

"You never could lie to me, Arthur."

"I am not lying."

"You are not telling the truth either."

"What do you want me to say?"

Morgana did not respond to that, instead she changed the subject deciding on to return to that part of their conversation later.

"How is he doing?"

"How in the hell am I supposed to know he never tells me anything?" It works every time, Morgana thought.

"Give him some time, Arthur."

"That's all I have been giving him."

"Its going be alright." Morgana said pulling Arthur in for a hug.

"I know, well, I don't know but I am trying. Maybe it is this place." That comment seemed to snap something in Arthur for some reason. Morgana sensed some spark of recognition in Arthur but couldn't place or see what he just discovered.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, maybe it is time to change tactics."

"I am not following."

Arthur wrapped an arm around Morgana's shoulders and started steering her down the direction of the corridor to the elevators. "Time to take a walk big sister." And with that Morgana knew that Arthur had a plan. And one thing Morgana's knew of Arthur's plans, they tended to work. She smirked as they walked on.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**A few hours later...**

Merlin looked up to the door when it opened seeing it was Arthur but this time he noticed a wheelchair in tow. Merlin's stubbornness was setting in, like he just wanted to wallow in his own self-pity.

"Arthur, I thought I asked for some time alone."

"You did, and I gave it to you. And now, I would like to spend some time with my boyfriend."

Merlin couldn't help but smile at that, a little, and seeing Merlin smile Arthur couldn't help but smile right back.

Merlin gestured towards the wheelchair. "And what are you planning on doing with that?"

"Its a surprise."

"Arthur -"

"Merlin, its a surprise and no ifs, ands, or buts, you are coming with me."

"And I suppose that I have no choice in the matter?"

Arthur looked a little hesitant, a little sheepish, and shook his head. "Not this time, no. This time, I am in charge and I say that I am taking my boyfriend out of here for a little while. I spoke with Dr. Monmouth and Dr. O'Malley and they both thought it would do you some good to get some fresh air and to get you away from this room."

"And you don't plan on telling where this away is?"

"Nope, no planning on telling you at all. This is a surprise and this is about you and me. No doctors, no lot, no hospital room, just you and me. Like we promised we would be, together."

Merlin looked at Arthur again, the nervousness surrounding Arthur almost rocked Merlin to the core because he knows that he is partly the cause of it. He knows he has been pushing Arthur away from him, be it unconsciously on some level but the fact remains that he has. To this point where his overconfident boyfriend now seems to have doubts about himself, and also how Merlin feels about him. Merlin is not sure if he can help in the stage that he is in, but he knows that he should try, at least for Arthur's sake. "Okay, fine, then help me up and lead the way then."

Arthur smiled at that, both corners of his mouth rising up into a real genuine smile. Like his world would have cracked if Merlin rejected him but relief of Merlin's acceptance showed through and through. Arthur was so very gentle when helping Merlin up from the bed, when helping Merlin slide on his shoes and then into his jacket, and also when helping Merlin get into the wheelchair. He was so very gentle when he gave Merlin a soft kiss on his temple and when he squeezed his hand. And the calmness in Arthur's demeanor seemed to calm Merlin down as well as they went through the corridors to the elevator. Merlin had no idea what Arthur had planned but it reminded him of some of their dates and the flutter in his stomach was brought back along with the same level of nervousness that was evident during those dates. The wanting things to work out nervousness. The good thing about it is that for the moment, Merlin did not have to think about all of the things that took this feeling away from him. Because at this moment, it was just about Merlin and Arthur.

Arthur placed gentle hand on Merlin's shoulder, kissed the top of his head, and strolled forward with Merlin in tow in his wheelchair as they left the elevator and through the hospital lobby taking the back way. The sun was setting for the evening but it still looked like there was probably a good thirty minutes left before it was completely dark. The sky was a very clear blue but you could see the moon in the process of making its ascent and the very beginning of the twinkling of the stars beginning to shine. It wasn't cold, nor was it hot, there was just gentle breezes that came about as they strolled through the walk way outside of the hospital. Arthur and Merlin seemed lost in their own thoughts as both remained silent just strolling past, Merlin in his chair. This part, clearly still connected to the hospital looked like a park of sorts, a big park. Other hospital patients were hanging about, some with visitors and family, and some by themselves reading or just meditating looking at their surroundings.  Arthur waived at some of them that he recognized which told Merlin that they were in the hospital a lot longer than they probably should have if Arthur recognized so many.

They strolled a little ways further down the walkway before Arthur veered off towards the grass and headed to what appeared to be a huge pond. As they continued past some trees they came upon a clearing. And by a huge tree Merlin gasped in surprise. It looked like Arthur had set up some sort of picnic for them. There was a huge red blanket laid out on the ground (Pendragon red), and on that blanket there was wine being chilled in a bucket, candles surrounding parts of the outskirts of the blanket for lighting, and a basket set beside and Merlin could only think that it was filled with a bunch of nicknacks of sorts. There was another red blanket set aside to it seemed to cover up with.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Finally, come to papa." Gwaine said with absolute glee as he grabbed his whiskey from the waitress. He gave her a wide grin and a wink, the waitress blushed heavily, and Morgana and Gwen rolled their eyes. It was to be expected every time they took their gentlemen friends, Gwen's brother, and their husbands out. They were like a walking lot of ice candy that women everywhere wanted to get their paws on. It was a good thing that Arthur wasn't there. That blond hair blue eyes look with his physique, both women and men go crazy for it almost every time. Morgana respects the fact that Arthur never allowed his good looks to go to his head. Though in places like this, one would allow it if it were to provide a discount in the exchange. "I've been waiting on this drink since I rescued the Princess from the hospital this morning." Gwaine said looking at this drink longingly before taking a sip.

"Really Gwaine? This morning. Don't you think that was a little early to have a drink?" Gwen stated.

"There is no such thing as a time to drink. I don't see why people put a time stamp on when a man is allowed to have his drink. I think the only reason why there is a time is to give the excuse because some people can't hold their liquor and if they drink too early in the day they will be walking around drunk. I say drink when you want to. And if insecure, make your own dam time stamp."

"Oddly enough, Gwaine's logic actually made sense there." Lancelot said looking confused and shocked at the same time.

Gwen turned to him and brushed his cheek with the back of her hand. "I think we need to hurry home if Gwaine's logic is beginning to make sense."

"Oi!" Gwaine exclaimed and everyone started laughing.

"So, why did you have to rescue the princess from the hospital?" Elyan asked.

"Merlin told Arthur that he needed some time alone and Arthur looked like he needed some time to pull himself together. The best plan for me was to talk to him, get him together, and to carry him out for a good drink. It was going good too except for Uther summoned us back before we could get to the drinks." Gwaine said swinging his hair to the side. A lady at the next table turned in his direction when he did. Gwen saw sitting the closest to Gwaine and mouthed, "He's taken," to the girl, the girl immediately turned back to her friends. Everyone else missed the exchange.

Morgana raised a brow, "And you really think that you talked my little brother out his mood and cheered him up?" Challenge in the question.

Gwaine raised a brow back, "Of course, the Princess loves me, in fact, I'm putting dibs down for best man right now." Pointing a finger down to the wood of the table.

Morgana raised up from her seat. "Like hell you are. If anyone deserves being the best man its me." (Getting looks from other patrons as well of some of the gang, Leon included, but in his case there was no surprise). "I've seen them through from the beginning to now and have the sleepless nights to prove it."

To the surprise of everyone it was Percival who said something next. "Now now, no need to fight. Someone has to give Merlin away." And everyone laughed again, argument forgotten. At least for now.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

15 minutes earlier.....

Merlin turned around in astonishment to Arthur, "How? when?"

Arthur just smiled at Merlin. "I thought about it earlier, there has been so much that has happened and I thought that we needed something... Something for us but without everyone and everything else around us. It was my thought, but I had a little help from the girls to put everything together. So while I went to get you after choosing a spot and partly setting up, they did the rest and we timed it enough for them to be gone by the time that I came back with you."

"And what's in the basket?"

"Oh.." Arthur placed one of Merlin's arms over his shoulder picking him up from his wheelchair (even though he did not need to since Merlin could have walked the short distance) and carried him over to the blanket and placed him down with care, back to the tree. "Oh, some chocolate covered strawberries that I know that you like, some tea sandwiches, sausage rolls, custard tarts, and some other tasty treats." Arthur said softly as he placed the other blanket over Merlin almost protecting him from any chill from the waters of the pond or anything surrounding.

Merlin didn't know what to say for a moment. He was in a foul mood from everything over the past few days and especially from the physical therapy and the 'psychological evaluation' but he could not be angry now when Arthur was being, well....Arthur. This was his Arthur through in through, throughout their whole relationship. And this sweet, gentle, loving, caring man still seemed to actually love him. Merlin didn't understand how or why really. And to be honest he really didn't because on the inside he felt like he was a complete mess. His mind was thinking about the past, thinking about what happened to him, and it hit him fully then. Morgana's was right, he was pushing people away. And yet, Arthur kept coming back and not seeming to be giving up even through Merlin's treatment. Not that Merlin wanted him to. Not that Merlin would ever want him to but why would he want to stay? Valiant always told him that he was worthless, that he was ugly, granted Arthur has always called him gorgeous and beautiful but still. Why?

"Penny for your thoughts?" Merlin was jolted back to reality by Arthur's question. Arthur was clearly watching him as he warred with his own mind and his eyes were intently fixated on Merlin's own. Merlin hadn't even noticed that Arthur had already unloaded everything from the picnic basket and had a chocolate covered strawberry in his hand with intentions it seemed to feed him with.

"I was just..just wondering what I did to deserve you in another life." It was true. Merlin was thinking about this partly.

"You do something everyday that makes me love you more, even if you don't notice it, and even when you are not present. I think of you sometimes and the thoughts of you make me love you more." Arthur sounded so genuine that Merlin shivered by the response. It was hard to believe yet it felt so real.

"Are you cold?" Arthur asked while wrapping Merlin up even more in the blanket almost protectively.

"I am fine."

"Here, take a bite." Arthur said as he lifted the chocolate covered strawberry up to Merlin's mouth.

"Umm"

"Good is it?"

"Very." Merlin responded still chewing.

"Wait, you've got some..." Arthur was pointing to a sliver of chocolate that managed to get over from the corner of Merlin's mouth. Arthur, though it seemed hesitantly leaned in closer to Merlin and licked that portion of chocolate that was over the corner of Merlin's mouth. Merlin gasped in the touch. Though Merlin and Arthur have spent an inordinate amount of time together as of late, Merlin was reminded that they haven't really touched, at least not intimately like that. A few gentle kisses here and some hugs but that gesture felt very intimate from what he and Arthur have shared as of late. Merlin filed those thoughts for later and enjoyed the moment because maybe that was just his own insecurities talking.

They continued on sharing chocolate covered strawberries before moving on to tea sandwiches and then the sausage rolls, and finally the custard tarts. Arthur poured the wine and they had it contentedly while leaning their backs on the huge tree trunk which actually accommodated them both.

"So, don't tell me that the hospital actually had some premiere chef laying about to prepare all of these treats?" Merlin asked casually.

"No, we called the local deli and placed an order this afternoon and Gwen and Morgana picked it up later on while I was looking for a good spot round about here. We got the other things from the local shops and prepared everything from there." Arthur replied turning slightly to look at Merlin.

"Its a nice spot. Its beautiful actually, it reminds me of-"

"The park around our flat."

"Yes" Merlin responded turning slightly to look at Arthur. Memories obviously going both of their minds of the things that they did at that park. Merlin blushed and Arthur grinned.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Time is caught up.....

"Any new word as for when Merlin is going to be released?" Gwen asked looking at Morgana.

"Arthur said that he spoke to Dr. Monmouth and was advised if everything worked out that Merlin could be released as early as tomorrow afternoon." (The gang visibly relaxed)

"And what are they basing everything on." Lancelot asked while taking a sip of his whiskey.

"The psychological evaluation was the last thing to my understanding. Merlin will be able to continue the physical therapy at home. Though the hospital does want to have one more session with him before he is released. Father has already set it up for someone to come by to Arthur and Merlin's once a week for the next 8 weeks based on the physical therapy schedule set. They said that it may not require 8 visits but as of now that is what has been set. Merlin declined further counseling so there is nothing scheduled for that." Morgana answered though by her expression there was more on his mind.

"He's still refusing counseling?" Percival asked.

"I don't understand why." Elyan added.

"You know Merlin, stubborn as a mule when it is something he is against." Gwaine replied.

"But this isn't something that will hurt him. This is something that he needs." Gwen responded.

"Tell that to Merlin, he is not listening to any of us at the moment." Morgana said with a frown.

"Not even Arthur?" Elyan asked.

"Especially not Arthur?" Morgana replied, slightly agitated.

"That's why he was walking around like somebody kicked his puppy. Well, if he had one." Gwaine said downing the rest of his drink before flagging the bartender for another round. The gang just looked at him, amused.

"Well let's hope the alone time out from the four walls of their hospital room will help." Lancelot stated.

"That is what Arthur is hoping for." Gwen replied.

"He just wants Merlin to let him in." Morgana said softly. Everyone could see how this was affecting her, Leon frowned before saying.

"Alright, you lot. We came to drink and think happy thoughts. I say for tonight, we let Merlin and Arthur take care of Merlin and Arthur and we drink, talk about positive things, and enjoy. Who knows when we will get the chance next."

No one could disagree with that after everything that happened to them in such a short time. It made them realize that every moment was precious. They continued to drink, they laughed, and they made the best of a not so good situation. Merlin and Arthur not too far from their minds, all wondering silently what the hell was happening at that park?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"How was it for you today?" Arthur asked running a hand through his hair. He didn't want to ruin the moment but every time he tried to speak with Merlin previously he had gotten no where and if Merlin was in a better mood now he had to try. There had to be some form of communication between them unless they will get to a point where they won't know what to say, almost where they are right now.

"Honestly?" Merlin asked raising an eyebrow.

"Honestly."

"Physical therapy was horrid for one. I mean it could be worse but it was more painful than I thought it would be. I guess the damage from everything was a lot worse than I thought because my muscles were not agreeing with me for a while. Everyone around was nice though, supportive. But still I am not looking forward to the next session."

"And the evaluation."

"You know I didn't want the evaluation, Arthur."

"I know, but did it help any?" Arthur asked hesitantly.

"Arthur, I don't need a therapist to tell me things that I already know." Merlin responded irritatingly.

"No, you don't. But therapists are there to help-"

"Arthur-" Arthur raised a hand, pleading for a moment to Merlin to allow him the time to speak. Merlin allowed it.

"Merlin, I get it. I know that you don't want to speak with anyone. That you feel like you can handle it all on your own and that you feel no one else can understand what you are going through. And I am not going to push (Merlin turned away but Arthur pushed on), but I want you to know that I am here for you. And I want you to consider the options that are available for you. I am not going to tell you what to do but I don't want you to shut me out-"

"I am not shutting you out, Arthur." Merlin responded, almost defensive but knowing the truth inside. Arthur didn't fight it, though they both knew the truth. He tried another tactic instead yet still meaning every word.

"I know, but sometimes...sometimes, it feels that way. (Merlin turned back to Arthur at that) And maybe its me, but everything is happening and I am feeling so lost and I want to just be able to help..." Merlin reached over to Arthur at that moment pulling him and hugging him tightly. "I just want to help." Arthur whispered in Merlin's ear while hugging him back.

Arthur's voice was hoarse when he whispered that last sentence and Merlin's eyes started glistening in tears. Continuing to hug Arthur tightly he said, "I'm sorry."

"You've done nothing wrong." Arthur said trying to move back to look at Merlin but this time Merlin seemed stronger because he held Arthur in place and just kissed his temple.

"No, I haven't, maybe not intentionally but I have been doing something. And I know I have been lashing out at you and it hasn't been fair."

"You are going through a lot-"

"I have, but it doesn't make it right to lash out at you because you are the closest to me."

"Its okay." Arthur said weakly, this time managing to move a little out of the hold to look at Merlin. Tears were beginning to stream down Merlin's eyes and Arthur's heart felt like it was going to break him because it was not his intention to push Merlin too far. He just wanted to talk to him. To get to a place where they could open up again and to begin healing the way they needed to. He didn't think that he could stand to see Merlin in any more pain right now.

"Hey..hey." Arthur said gently as he started wiping some of the tears from Merlin's eyes. Not realizing that he started to cry too. "Its going to be alright."

Merlin shook his head, "No, no its not."

Arthur lifted Merlin's chin steering his face to his direction and looked directly into Merlin eyes, no mask and clear intention, "Yes, it is. It is going to be alright. We are going to be alright. We just have to work together and we can get through this Merlin."

Merlin looked like he was at the beginning of falling apart as he asked, "How can you be so sure?"

Arthur ran a hand over his face now finding it wet. "Because we have each other. And as long as we do, as long as we do everything that we can to fight we can get through this. But we have to want it Merlin. We have to want it and we have to be willing to fight for it. We have to talk when something is wrong, we have to be willing to work together and sometimes we have to do things that may not be comfortable for us." Arthur said the last part very softly because he knew that Merlin would understand what he meant and by Merlin's response he knew he was right.

Merlin swallowed, hard. "You mean therapy." It wasn't a question.

Arthur was scared for this moment. He never really feared anything (with the exception of his relationship with Merlin and how much love he could have for one person) but for some reason he felt this next step was important. Merlin had gone through so much and Arthur was afraid thinking if Merlin did not have an avenue to let things go that it would eventually destroy him. In that moment it was not even about their relationship as much as it was about Merlin himself. He loved him so much that Merlin's well being came first. "Yes."

Merlin tore away from their embrace and from Arthur's hand on his chin. He leaned back heavily on the tree trunk looking at the pond. It was definitely dark out now but the candles were burning brightly and the moon was shining bright high in the sky reflecting enough light. Merlin sighed. "You think I should have it."

"It not about what I think."

"It is."

Arthur was surprised at that because as of late Merlin has been telling him that everything was his own decision and he was struggling to accept that despite what he was saying but it touched something deep to know that Merlin still wanted that part of Arthur again. Arthur wasn't sure of what to say at the moment so he remained silent and in that silence Merlin continued.

"I know what I said before with Mordred and with Dr. Monmouth this morning. Granted I did need to speak with Mordred and he is coming back soon with Tristan to meet me (Arthur swallowed by that comment but said nothing) but I needed some sort of closure. And it seemed that Mordred needed it too. I don't know if he found it (Merlin was still looking at the water in the pond), I don't know if I found it. But I needed it. Though I was wrong by saying that it had nothing to do with you. Maybe not by what I meant by how it was said." Merlin closed his eyes for a moment and ran a hand over his forehead and then to the back of his neck before dropping it on his lap and continuing. "I have been so angry lately". (Arthur stirred and Merlin turned to him almost thinking what Arthur thought and responding assuredly) "Not at you, Arthur. I have been angry with things in general. Things beyond my control. I started having dreams again, and my mind sometimes plays things that have happened. My god, I even thought about Valiant and what that bastard did to me." (Tears started falling down Arthur's eyes again and he took a hand and placed it in the hand Merlin laid on his lap. Merlin accepted the gesture interlocking their fingers). Merlin hesitated before continuing, voice trembling. "My mind keeps taking me back to the cabin and what..what happened there. (Arthur was instantly alert because this is something that Merlin has not talked about). I keep playing in my mind if I could have done anything different. If I had listened to you when you said to stay away from him. If I just didn't take the time to be nice or if I could have fought harder once he took me to that place. If I could have been strong enough."

It tore Arthur apart to hear those words, it rocked him to the core. Arthur physically turned Merlin around to him to see him face to face. "Merlin, there was nothing that you could have done differently. No part of this that was your fault. There would have been no scenario that you could have played to make it different now-"

"But it keeps happening to me!" Merlin yelled suddenly furious. "It keeps happening to me! I must be doing something, I must be in order to draw these people into my life."

"You did nothing, Merlin." Arthur said fiercely. This was one thing that Arthur was sure of and he would be damned if he allowed Merlin to feel guilty about this. Not this!

"How can you be so sure Arthur, you weren't there."

"How can I be..how can I be so sure. Because I know you Merlin that's why! And you may be nice and you may be caring but it does not give anyone the right to do what they did. That was done out of their own sicknesses and there was nothing that you could have done to prevent it. You did not invite it, Merlin. Never think that."

"I don't know what to do."

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to stop feeling like this. I want my life back! I want to have some control over it, some form of normalcy in it. And I don't want to lose you. I am so afraid.... (Merlin rubbed his eyes and swallowed hard) I am so afraid that I am going to lose you."

Arthur placed both of his hands on Merlin's face and it seemed Arthur was shaking because Merlin could feel it as if he were too and maybe he was. "Now you listen to me and listen good you idiot. Because this part I am only going to say this once. You are not going to lose me, not unless you push me away and say you don't want me anymore. And you will have to tell me and you are going to have to have a very good reason because I am stubborn and will not listen to anything less. (Merlin would have been chuckling if he weren't sobbing) I am not going anywhere. I am too much in love with you to ever just walk away. We will make it through this together but you are were also right in saying that there are some things that you have to do. There are some steps and decisions that you have to make on your own Merlin. Some choices that you have to make and you will have to decide how much you want this. If you really want this and what you are willing to do to have this and to keep it. And I am not just meaning me, though I hope I am play a major part (Arthur said it lightly but Merlin felt the emotions in that), I also mean everything else too. There is so much more to you, Merlin. There is a light in you Merlin, it drew me to you on day one and has never led me astray. Your heart is pure and has remained that way after everything that you have gone through and I don't want to see it tainted and I don't want that light to go out. Not now, not ever. You are everything that is beautiful and wonderful in this world to me and I so want you to see that. I want you to fight for this, Merlin and I don't want to see you give up."

Merlin sat there, stunned by Arthur's words and at a loss for his own. He didn't realize that he was holding his breath until Arthur finished and he gasped out. He reached his hands and placed it over Arthur's wrapping his hands over them and pulling it down settling on his lap but not letting go. He looked at Arthur, looked in his eyes intently holding his gaze before saying, "Okay."

"Okay?" It came out as a question, Arthur was confused.

"Okay, I'll do it."

"What are you going to do?" Arthur grinned slightly playing oblivious.

"Don't be a prat Arthur, I'll do the therapy."

"Are you sure?"

"Do you want me to change my mind?"

"No!" Arthur almost shouted, Merlin chuckled eyes still teary just like Arthur's. "No, but I want to make sure that you are doing this for you. And not just because I am asking you to."

"I am doing this for me but I am also doing this for us. For me, because I need to get my life back. For you, because there is no one else that I want to share it with."

"But-"

"I know what you mean, Arthur. I want to get me back on track, I want to get better. And that will be my first priority but I know that I will find the strength to do that in you. Not as a crutch, but as my support and my help."

Arthur smiled at that and this time leaned in closely and kissed Merlin's cheek lightly.

Merlin smiled, "You can do better than that," replied cheekily.

Arthur looked serious then full of determination and Merlin shivered. "Yes....yes, I can.

And Arthur did.. until he couldn't any longer leaving them both gasping for air.

"You are always up for a challenge aren't you?" Merlin said after he got his breath back.

"Always, never passed a good one up yet." Arthur responded before leaning in and kissing Merlin again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you enjoy the chapter? What did you like most or least about it? Did you enjoy the most needed talk between Merlin and Arthur? I would like to hear from you.
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> The gang finally prepares to go home and this time they make it.  
> Merlin is still having flashbacks.  
> Arthur doesn't walk away this time when Merlin is asking him to. How will Merlin respond?  
> And there is more. But I have to leave some things for suspense purposes.
> 
> Please remember that kudos, subscribers, bookmarks, and reviews are like having hot chocolate on a cold winter day.


	30. Guess who is coming to dinner?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is finally released from the hospital and comes home to a surprise.  
> Arthur and Merlin have to adjust to being back in their home environment.  
> Arthur has to adjust to Merlin's mood swings.  
> Arthur and Merlin have a small dinner party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another long chapter. But it is an important one. I hope you enjoy the read. And as always thank you for the reviews, kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions. It means more than you know. And in some cases helps me to make decisions as to where to take the story next.

**Chapter 30**  
  
On the second and last day of physical therapy at the hospital Merlin was no more away from the thought that the second session of physical therapy sucked just like the first one. Merlin spent the time in therapy learning how to _'exercise'_ and _'strengthen'_ his muscles. Considering the fact that Merlin always thought of himself as skinny and without many muscles to begin with, this was pure torture. The training that was assigned to him for development and muscle strengthening was called resistance training. Apparently, it was not assigned only because of his muscle weaknesses only but also to help him mentally as well. The resistance training centered on improving and reducing three points: stress, recovery (rest), and repeated stress. This was in addition to building Merlin's muscular strength back up again which in turn would strengthen Merlin's legs again preventing any further weakness from what he endured through the brain trauma, cardiac arrest, and multiple seizures.   
  
The resistance training focused on basic muscle-conditional exercises such as push-ups, leg lifts, and other common exercises that Merlin wouldn't have been caught dead doing before. He also had to exercise with rubber tubing and stretchable bands. (Something else Merlin would not have chosen to do himself). But what Merlin found the worse was the weight training. Which consisted of using free weights (dumbbells) and other use of weight lifting equipment that Merlin rarely used or had thought of using. It was _torture_ and apparently what Merlin would have to be doing for the next 8 sessions once he returned home again if what the physical therapist said was true. Merlin knew he wasn't in bad shape, he ran a lot and walked constantly before all of this foregoing the use of his car often, he knew he had some muscle tone, he just was not _Arthur_ or Gwaine, Lance, or even Percival for that matter _. 'One of them had to look normal', Merlin thought to himself on many an occasion._ But _really_ , how much torture can one person endure through all of this? There should be a white flag to raise when the limits were stretched to its maximum. I mean, really?  
  
Merlin was drained, tired, relieved, and happy all in one go when he was returned back to his room in preparation for his release from the prison of a hospital in question. Drained and tired from the physical therapy session and relieved and happy knowing that he would be leaving to go home in a few hours. He walked in to the room with the help of a technician to see Arthur turning quickly towards the door. And upon seeing him he watched Arthur give a few hushed words over the phone, stuff same phone back into his pocket, and watched Arthur turn around again to give him his undivided attention with a sheepish expression on his face. And Merlin recognized Arthur's expression for what it was, Arthur was up to something. And whether that something was good or not would remain to be seen.  
  
"Who was that on the phone?" Merlin asked curiously.  
  
"That was a surprise." Arthur responded with a sly smile.  
  
"A _surprise_..."  
  
"Yes, a surprise that you will find out about soon enough."  Arthur responded in a tone that said, _and I am not going to tell you about it until I am ready to._ Which meant to Merlin that he really wasn't going to give any more information.  
  
"Okay." Merlin said raising a brow but leaving it at that.  
  
"So.." Arthur started, happy to see that Merlin was letting his unasked questions go but waited until the technician left before conveniently changing the subject. "Are we ready to go home?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know. Am I ready to go home to let's see: to eat our own food, use our own shower, sleep in our own bed, to get back to work, and to have you to myself again. Then I would have to say that yes, I am ready to go home." Merlin said longingly as if he could see all of those things happening while he was speaking.  
  
"All of that sounded good with the exception of one thing." Arthur said.  
  
"Which _one thing_?" Merlin asked raising a brow.  
  
"Youcan'tgobacktoworkforthreemoreweeks." Arthur said all at once and quickly making it into one word.  
  
"Ah, Arthur. Please say that again and say it slower for me this time. Remember me?" (Merlin pointed to himself) "Trauma patient, recovering from cardiac arrest and multiple seizures here. Slow down for the patient why don't you and try it again."  
  
"I said.. you can't go back to work for three more weeks." Arthur repeated in a whisper.  
  
Merlin thought he heard that. "Come again, Arthur."  
  
"I said.. you can't go back to work for three more weeks." Arthur spoke up this time but ended with a sigh.  
  
"That's what I thought you said. The question now is _, why?!_ " Merlin shouted.  
  
"Because Gaius said so. Apparently father and Gaius have been talking, they used to be good friends long ago by the way, best friends if what Gaius says is true. But anyway they have been talking and it was agreed upon that you should take some more time off. Gaius thinks that if you were in the hospital as long as you have been that it must have been very serious. I don't think father gave Gaius the details as to what happened based on the comments Gaius made. I think he does know about the brain trauma, the cardiac arrest and the seizures, but anything else I think he was leaving up to you."  
  
"So is everyone else." Merlin said dryly and grimaced while Arthur eyed him in sympathy. "But three weeks, why so long?"  
  
"They figured it will give you time to get settled back in to some of your old routines again. They also thought the physical therapy time in between what be helpful before you started back at the campus. And at least you would have had some counseling sessions under your belt as well." Arthur said encouragingly but as a small reminder.  
  
"I just want to go home." Merlin said running a hand through his mop of a head of hair.  
  
"Good because Dr. Monmouth stopped in during you're physical therapy session and informed me that your paperwork has been taken care of, arrangements for therapy sessions with Dr. Catrina Jonas has been set up starting Monday of next week, and that everything for your physical therapy sessions are in place. Apparently my father has been very busy because he is the one that worked with Dr. O'Malley to find the best reputable counselor in the area, the best physical therapist for home visits, and took the time to work with your physical therapist here asking questions about what equipment would be needed. He even got everything set up for your sessions in one of our spare rooms. Don't even ask me how he got a key to the flat because I have no answers for you." Arthur concluded shaking his head and chuckling.  
  
"That was nice of him."  
  
"Yeah, I think he is taking a real liking to you. It may have taken over a year and some months but I have to say progress has been made."  
  
"We spoke the other day."  
  
"When was that?"  
  
"On the morning that I asked to be alone, he came in looking for you."  
  
Arthur's eyes narrowed for a moment before asking, "Did you have a nice conversation?"  
  
Merlin caught the look in Arthur's eyes before giving him a gentle shove on the arm. "Stop being so overprotective, it was fine Arthur. He was just looking for you and since you weren't here he spent some time talking to me."  
  
"About?" Arthur immediately tensed.  
  
"Well, he just finished speaking with Dr. Monmouth so he knew of my plans to decline the psychological evaluation. He talked to me about a time that he did counseling."  
  
" _My_ father did counseling? He never mentioned it before." Arthur said almost astonished with a slight tone of jealousy. Merlin ignored the jealousy part filing it away for the moment.  
  
"It was personal to him and you and Morgana were really young at the time. It was probably not a subject that he wanted to bring up. He was just talking to me about it because it was a subject that he thought I would be able to relate to. And I am sure that he was hoping to sway my decision about continuing therapy on some level."  
  
"Sounds goood." Arthur said extending the word good.  
  
"Something wrong?"  
  
"No, I am just wondering who is the man parading as my father and what happened to mine."  
  
"Arthur-"  
  
"No really, Merlin, you were out cold most of the time but father has been really, _really_ nice. He has done most of the hands on work, he has given me and Morgana hugs. _Hugs_ Merlin! We haven't received hugs since we probably five (the unsaid, since their mother died was clear). We get _gestures_ , Merlin, slaps on the shoulder, tops we get a kiss on the forehead in major situations, but _hugs_. We have had more hugs and close moments in the past few weeks than we have gotten in almost our entire lives. And he has been spending a lot of time with us lately too. Its just all _new_ to me. It doesn't even seem real." Arthur said pressing the bridge of his nose, lips thinning.  
  
"New.." Merlin said with a half-grin almost ignoring Arthur's obvious frustration.  
  
"Yes, _new_.." Arthur replied looking at Merlin a little irritated.  
  
"Arthur, you have to have adjusted to some of the changes by now. A lot has happened, it makes you think about things differently. It makes you put things into perspective, see things in a brand new light. It happens to the best of us and could have very well have happened to your father. Not to mention that its been a few weeks. You have had a few weeks to adjust.  
  
"And I had an entire childhood and part of adulthood to adjust to what he was before that." Arthur snapped before almost immediately sighing not wanting to snap at Merlin. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."  
  
"Its alright, Arthur. And I understand, just... give your father a chance, yeah."  
  
Arthur tried for a smile before responding, "I will."  
  
Merlin had a faraway expression on his face all of a sudden like a thought just occurred in the mist of their discussion.  
  
"What?" Arthur said brow raised.  
  
"Its probably nothing." Merlin said shaking his head.  
  
"Well it could be something if you are thinking about it. What is it?" Arthur replied placing his hand on Merlin's neck raising it to the soft spot under Merlin's chin. _Now who can say no to that?_  
  
"I was just thinking. You said that your father and Gaius use to be best friends. Gaius, before he came to Cambridge use to be a counselor. I wonder if Uther was one of his patients?"  
  
Merlin and Arthur looked at one another, looked away, and looked at one another again before saying, "Nah." They thought again looking at one another before saying, "Nah," again and dismissing the thought altogether.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Well, as it turned out Gaius was indeed Uther's counselor once upon a time. Apparently they grew up together and Gaius even worked at Pendragon way back when as one of Uther's chief advisers which helped pay Gaius' way through uni before working at Cambridge. Small world. Merlin and Arthur also found out that Gaius' wife Alice and Arthur's mother Ygraine were also good friends in the past. It seemed that time and careers were the only thing that caused them to drift apart over the years.  
  
"How come I didn't know any of this before? You've never mentioned of any of this before." Arthur asked almost with a pout like a sulking child.  
  
Merlin gave a half smile, he thought Arthur looked adorable. Arthur must have realized his expression because it was gone a half a second later returning to his usual mask. Merlin saw right through it.  
  
"There's a lot I haven't told you or your sister Arthur. I am a lot older than you are and things as they become not relevant to your immediate needs tend to go to the wayside." Uther sighed by seeing the resigned look in Arthur's expression that Arthur thought he covered too. He couldn't help it. It was a lame excuse. Uther continued, "Look Arthur, I know that we haven't always seen eye-to-eye and that I may not have always allowed you to get to know me and sometimes fought you on your judgements..." Uther grimaced at himself for a second. "Let me rephrase. I know I may not have taught you how to fish or to ride a bike or taken you on those father and son trips growing up, but I would like to take the time for us now to get to know each other better. There is so much that we both haven't said and I would like for us to get past it."  
  
Arthur swallowed thickly. "I would like that too father. I would like that too" Arthur repeated the second time more to himself meaning every word.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________  
   
  
"How's the twins?" Morgana asked Gwen as she put her phone away. Morgana joining Gwen in the hospital waiting area waiting for the rest of the gang to arrive. Bags packed, loaded, and ready to go.  
  
"They are doing fine Elena assured me, just missing their mommy and daddy. I am sure that she is tired of hearing from us too. According to her when I haven't checked in then Lance has, and when Lance or I haven't then Gwaine is calling. Though not for the same reason mind. He wouldn't need to be checking on my children. Though I think you never know about he and Elena having some of their own soon."  
  
Morgana smiled at that, almost sadly. "You never know what the future may hold."  
  
"Have you checked on Arthur and Merlin yet today?"  
  
Morgana shook her head, "No, I peeked in but not enough to register to them that they had company. They were talking a little like they use to and I think they needed that. A little bit of normalcy in all of this mess. Maybe last night did some good for them."  
  
"I hope so, I hate to see Arthur looking so distraught and I can't imagine what Merlin must be going through." Gwen said while biting her bottom lip almost nervously.  
  
"Well, father did tell me this morning that he spoke with Arthur and that Merlin has agreed to see a counselor. His first appointment will be next Monday I if I remember correctly."  
  
"Thank God. I was really worried about that. Merlin went through so much the last time and he didn't go through any counseling. And he may have said that he was fine and he was over it but I think we all know better than to believe that. And frankly, I don't know how he would have been able to deal with it this time trying his usual methods and running away would not cut it with Arthur. I think we both know that."  
  
Morgana pressed the bridge of her nose and used a hand to push some of the hair from her face before responding. "No, I don't think Merlin's usual methods would have worked this time either. And you are right, as understanding as Arthur can be and we know that he can be where Merlin is concerned I don't think he could sit idly by and do nothing while Merlin took that route. Arthur is a man of action it would destroy him piece by piece if he watched Merlin go down a path of self-destruction or even self-pity without being able to pull him back from it. It would either break them up or tear them apart over time."  
  
"As much as we would like to take control we will have to allow them to make their own choices in the end otherwise they may resent us for our involvement if it doesn't work out right." Gwen said hesitantly and knowingly.  
  
"I know, I have been involved but not to the point of force or telling them what to do." (Gwen raised a brow and Morgana winced inwardly, slightly guilty). "Okay, well not to the point of overstepping. We are talking about my baby brother here. And I know it was only fifteen minutes difference but I take those fifteen minutes seriously." (Gwen laughed out loud and Morgana smiled). "And Arthur agreed to allow the input and he said he would tell me when it was enough, granted he was in a state at the moment but still, he said it. And _Merlin_ , well, who cannot help Merlin. _Its Merlin!_ I already considered him family long before he and Arthur ever thought about becoming a couple. And you know if Arthur did not want me to help he would have dam well told me so like he has done so many of times before in the past. But its different this time, Merlin _makes_ him different. Just like Arthur makes Merlin different, they are like two sides of the same coin or something."  
  
Gwen grabbed Morgana's hands that were moving in a rapid motion like she would never do in a court case as it shows a sign of nervousness, or in Pendragon language, _weakness_. Gwen thought that Arthur and Morgana both had a standard of rules and regulations set upon themselves first by their father and then of their own due to the influence of said father that were at times clearly unattainable. No matter how hard they attempted to reach for it they would find themselves at a crossroad where the goal would end up being untouchable leaving them with a complex that continued to eat them up never going away as more rules and regulations continued to be added to it. It was sad to her because life should never be that way. And no child should ever have to fall under such pressure. Though Gwen hopes deep down inside after seeing the changes in Uther that he will be able to right those wrongs done in the process of trying to create and mold perfect children. She just hopes the scars aren't too deep. And she couldn't be more happy that they both found something in Merlin and in Leon. Arthur and Morgana needed people in their lives that could center them while making them feel the love that they felt they were missing (though neither Arthur nor Morgana would ever admit to that, at least not out loud) for such a major part of their lives.  
  
"I know, Morgana. Its alright. You _can_ be there and there is nothing wrong with that. Its the major decisions that you need to watch out for. The ones where it can fall back on you if it all goes to hell. Just remember to listen first and give advice second and it will all be alright." Morgana nodded in understanding. Gwen smiled and released Morgana's hands back.  
  
"Now, what about you?" Gwen asked Morgana.  
  
Morgana's eyes snapped up. "What do you mean, what about me?"  
  
"What about you? You have been so wrapped up in Merlin and Arthur or Arthur and Merlin as of late that I haven't really heard about you. I know there were some things going on with you before all of this happened. Any word on the baby front yet?"  
  
Morgana's face went expressionless for a moment with a look that marked her as a Pendragon through and through, though her eyes were showing a different story and Gwen zeroed in on that. "There hasn't been any changes and with everything that has been going on we haven't had the time to really discuss it."  
  
"And the time loss is because of you being busy fussing over Merlin and Arthur." Gwen replied knowingly.  
  
"I don't know Gwen. I know that Leon wants to have children and a part of me does too. But I can't think about it right now. There are too many things that are up in the air and I know that stress over it will not help either." That was a sad excuse even to Morgana's own ears. Gwen's expression told Morgana that she seemed to have allowed the lame excuse though as only a true friend would. Though Morgana was not stupid enough to think that the discussion would end at that, she knew her friend and knew her will enough to know that they will be discussing this again and very soon. She was just grateful for the reprieve.  
  
"You are right, but Morgana. When thinking about this be sure to bring Leon into it too, okay?" Gwen said squeezing Morgana's shoulder.  
  
Morgana nodded, "I will."  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
It was like no one had to tell anyone twice when Merlin was finally released to leave the hospital. Merlin was wheeled out of the hospital in a wheelchair based on hospital policy and was loaded into Uther's vehicle with Arthur and Leon, who sat in the back seat with Merlin and Morgana who sat in the front. Arthur and Merlin sat closest together. The rest of the gang broke up appropriately to go to their respective homes making plans to see their loved ones, check in at work, or in Gwaine's place to make it to the pub for a few drinks to give Elena time to get back home from Gwen and Lancelot's.  
  
The journey home didn't take too long on the traffic less roads and Arthur for one was very happy for that because Merlin looked exhausted.  
  
"Are you feeling alright?" Arthur asked, concerned, on the journey home.  
  
"Yes, I'm doing fine. I could probably use a nap when we get home though."  
  
"Then we will make sure that you get one. I want you nice and rested before dinner."  
  
"Is there something special about dinner that I need to be aware of?"  
  
"Of course there's something special, Merlin." Morgana said from the front seat. Arthur tensed and Merlin felt it along with the way that Arthur went stiff all of a sudden. "Leon and I are coming over for dinner." With that Arthur released a breath that he did not realize he was holding and Merlin gave a sideline glance towards Arthur wondering what the hell was going on.  
  
"And that's all that is going to happen. No rabbit out of a hat, no special occasion that I could possibly have forgotten about right. Cuz you know, pointing to himself, I just came out of the hospital here." Merlin said.  
  
"Relax Merlin," Leon cut in this time, "You did not forget anything, we are just going to enjoy ourselves this evening having a lovely meal and a few nice bottles of wine to go along with it. Just like we use to is all." Merlin allowed the comment this time and Arthur seemed to be relieved by that. Though Merlin did not know why.  
  
"Well fine then. I guess I better get some rest for real then after a nice long hot shower. I want to get the hospital smell from the hospital off of me as soon as possible." Merlin responded.  
  
"You smell fine, Merlin. But I can understand. Dinner will be around sixish which will give you plenty of time to clean up and rest up." Arthur said while tugging Merlin closer to him."  
  
"Mr. Pendragon?" Merlin looked towards Uther and Uther looked from his rear view mirror while driving.  
  
"Call me Uther, Merlin, and yes."  
  
"Are you not coming to dinner as well?"  
  
"There was a collective inhalation of breath in the car from three of them (Arthur, Morgana, and Leon being the three) The three knowing that Uther has _**never**_ come to theirs for any meal unless it was an extreme special occasion or if it were completely _unavoidable_. The three knowing that this was be a big step. It was a one thing that Uther was there for them at the hospital but it was completely another thing for Uther being there on the home front and not in his comfortable zone of the weekly Friday night dinners where Arthur and Morgana were both on display. It meant that Uther really was making an effort to change. And on top of that it was Merlin extending the invitation.  
  
Of course Merlin was oblivious to the happenings around him on this one count Arthur thought.  
  
Uther looked from Merlin to Arthur glancing his way from the rear view window. "I don't know if I was invited Merlin."  
  
Merlin reached over to grab Arthur's hand in a comforting gesture ( _maybe not so oblivious_ , Arthur thought), "Well, consider yourself invited if you would like to come."  
  
It was another tense five seconds before Uther responded, "Well then, I would love to." And the three collective inhalation of breaths finally gasped out internally with the other two knowing none the wiser.  
  
"Good." Merlin muttered more to himself.  
  
And for the rest of the journey everyone was silent and in their own thoughts. Well some, Merlin was enjoying the scenery, Uther was concentrating on driving, and as far as the other three were concerned. _Well,_ let's just say that the other three were still slowly coming out of their shock.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
There was nothing like coming home after being gone for what felt like and actually was almost two weeks. It was a refreshing feeling coming back home.  
  
"Do you need anything before we head out, Arthur?" Morgana asked.  
  
"No, but don't forget you and Leon are responsible for the wine tonight?" Arthur responded.  
  
"How about, I take care of the wine for the evening Arthur?" Uther said, as a question.  
  
Arthur swallowed in surprise, "That would be lovely, father." Arthur smiled before turning to Morgana, "That does not get you off of the hook. That just means that you are now responsible for dessert." Morgana rolled her eyes and snorted before responding,  
  
"Fine, but I am not promising that it will be home made. We hardly have enough time as it is and you will probably want me to come back early enough to help you put the dinner together."  
  
"And your point is?" Arthur responded teasingly.  
  
"Don't get me started little brother."  
  
"We'll just head on now if we are all going to get home, rest, and settled before returning back here. And I am sure that Merlin wants the rest that he talked about on the way." Leon stated as the keeper of the peace.  
  
"Yes, Merlin would definitely like that well deserved shower and rest before dinner as he said before." Merlin said talking in the third person.  
  
It wasn't long after that before hugs were given and Arthur and Merlin were left alone. Arthur was resting himself head and all against the door after he closed it. Merlin walked over to him and leaned into him, no pressure. Lightly brushing chest to chest and forehead to forehead.  
  
"Are you alright?" Merlin asked softly.  
  
Arthur smirked before brushing his lips over Merlin's, "I'm fine. Do you need any help getting situated?"  
  
Merlin grinning flirtatiously, "You can help me in the shower?"  
  
Arthur turned slightly averting his eyes, "Maybe next time." He brushed his lips over Merlin's again but this time with the slide of his tongue before adding, "I'll start putting our stuff away and getting everything situated for dinner. Besides, you need your rest." And Arthur kissed Merlin one more time and steered him to the direction of the bedroom before heading off to the kitchen leaving Merlin wondering _'what in the_ hell _just happened!'_  
  
And while Merlin was thinking that Arthur was thinking that he and Merlin should not rush back so quickly into a physical relationship without giving Merlin enough time to deal with what had happened to him. He was not sure how to tell Merlin considering how quickly Merlin became agitated as of late and he feared Merlin's reaction but knew that it was the best decision just the same. Merlin hadn't been very open about his feelings or about what happened to him only giving small morsels of bits and pieces and he just finally agreed to therapy. Arthur would feel more comfortable with a few therapy sessions under Merlin's belt first. He just hoped that Merlin would feel the same (or that they could avoid the topic for a little while). Just the thought of it made Arthur rub his temples in fear of the starting migraine building. Arthur could only hope that his father would supply enough wine (strong enough wine) for the evening to take the edge off some of his fears.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________  
  
By the time Leon and Morgana returned Arthur had already put his and Merlin's things away, showered, changed into casual wear (button down black shirt, sleeves rolled to the elbows, and dark blue jeans), and had started the preparations for dinner. Arthur had already started the Potted shrimps with pickled cucumbers and the Roast sirloin with Yorkshire pudding. He was in the process of prepping the Rosemary roasted potatoes when Leon and Morgana showed, Sussex pond pudding (lemon sponge cake) for dessert in hand.  
  
While Arthur continued cooking Morgana worked behind him double-checking, taste testing, and cleaning up along the way. Arthur could say that he was 100% grateful for their household and cleaning staff. Knowing that they were the ones that discarded all of the old foods and replenished supplies by going shopping before they returned. Arthur may have been rich, but he preferred to cook for himself and did most of his basic cleaning. The cleaning and housekeeping staff only did work on the monthly basis, fixating on the deep cleaning and ensuring that the manor continued to remain up and running accordingly. Morgana and Leon did the same thing with their Victorian home. This of course, _was not_ a trait that they learned from their father whose home was fully equipped with a live in staff that did _everything_. Arthur and Merlin cleaned their own bathrooms, kitchen, scrubbed floors, did their own laundry, and cooked as necessary not relying on the cleaning and housekeeping staff for the most part. But at times like this, one could only be grateful which reminded Arthur that they needed a bonus in their next paychecks.  
  
Thirty minutes later Merlin emerged from his and Arthur's room dressed in a deep blue shirt, button down that matched his eyes and black jeans. He looked _gorgeous_ , Arthur thought. Though Arthur also thought that Merlin lost a lot of weight. He filed that thought for later thinking that he would have to make sure that he fed Merlin more. Morgana immediately dropped what she was doing and embraced Merlin in a tight hug leading him into the living room with Leon to watch the footie game on the telly. No one wanted to pressure Merlin to be on his feet too long -and knowing that he was still recovering- they allowed for Merlin to call the shots deciding if he could stand up for longer or not on his own without any pressure from them.  
  
Ten minutes after that the doorbell ranged. Arthur opened to see his father with three bottles of wine in hand. He called earlier to get a sure head count and Arthur then told him about Merlin's surprise guest. Uther then insisted that he would go to pick her up from Will and Freya's, having spoken to this _said_ guest a couple of times already over the past few weeks. Uther discreetly said,  
  
"And look who I ran into on the way here." Saying it loud enough for all to hear.  
  
Arthur reached out a hand to shake Hunith's but she knocked it out of the way and pulled Arthur in for a tight hug. He was shocked at first, not used to being pulled in for a hug from a parental figure but he relaxed after a few seconds.  
  
"Arthur, it is so nice to finally meet you."  
  
"The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Emrys."  
  
Hunith shook her head at that, "No, please, call me Hunith."  
  
And Arthur thought that Hunith was beautiful, but in a wholesome way. She had pale skin like Merlin but just not _as_ pale. She had big deep brown eyes instead of his blue but you could see the same laughter in her eyes and if you looked close enough, you could see the borderline mischief through it just as you could see it in Merlin's. She had such a bright smile and though she had to be middle-aged she looked like she carried it well. And Arthur knew that time had not been good to her but she managed to take care of herself anyway. In the time of Arthur's quick assessment Merlin realized just who was at the door. Though by then Hunith was already in the living area.  
  
"Mum?" Merlin called out.  
  
Merlin and Hunith swiftly met up with the other in the middle of the living room, Hunith pulling Merlin into a hug a leaning up to give him a kiss on the cheek, "My dear, sweet boy."  
  
"I didn't know that you were coming." Merlin said turning a side glance to Arthur narrowing his eyes. Arthur ignored it knowing that Merlin was still happy to see his mum, _surprise or not._  
  
"It was supposed to be a surprise pumpkin."  
 _  
"Mum."_  
  
"Sorry, its been a while and I missed you my boy."  
  
They embraced for a few minutes but Arthur could tell by the straightness of Merlin's posture that he was holding himself back some. Just like he had been doing with everyone else as of late. He only hoped that this visit with Hunith would help Merlin to open up more.  
  
During the hugging and while everyone was distracted Morgana yanked Arthur into the kitchen forcefully.  
  
 _"Morgana?! -"_  
  
"Shut up, _Arthur_ , and just listen. In case the conversation gets too tense at the dinner table as I think it probably will I did some research."  
  
" _Research?_ What the hell does research have to do with the dinner table and conversation?"  
  
Morgana popped Arthur on the side of the head. "Research has everything to do with it. I took the time earlier to look up safe family dinner conversations. The conversation choices are good ones and they are designed to not offend anyone while at the same time it is designed to open the floor to discussion which makes for a more peaceful dinner environment. I already had Leon read over it on the way. Now take a few minutes and memorize a few topics to use if the dinner conversations become tense. Leon and I will help you too. You can thank me later."  
  
It wasn't long after the first course before they started using the family dinner conversation topics...  
   
Morgana even went so far as to use a wheel of fortune wheel and stand. The object of the dinner game was for each person to get a turn by spinning the wheel and the wheel would land on a different dinner discussion question. The one that landed on the question would answer the the question and the questions ranged from: Time traveling, who would you be if you were allowed to choose one person in history and why, naming five things you would take on a deserted island, to using discoveries, and using the one sense of choice if you had no other alternative.  
This was the most popular of the family dinner discussion topics because the wheel made the discussions interactive which excited everyone. Even _Uther_ smiled a lot during this activity.  
  
They discussed many more things from:

 _ **1.  What was the best part of your day?**_ (Morgana said breakfast, but she really meant waking up next to Leon). 

 

_**2.  If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?** (Merlin said Jerusalem because he wanted to visit some of the holy cities). Arthur made a mental note of that to file for later._

_**3.  If you could be a famous person for a week, who would you be and why?**_ (Arthur said he wouldn't mind being King Arthur because he had his surname. He also said that in the same token he would have preferred not to as King Arthur's life was sad and filled with betrayal).

 

 _ **4.  If you could have any superpower, which would you choose?**_ (Uther said he would not mind being telepathic. He said that he would love to have the gift as it would help him in the courtroom and it also would have done wonders while he raised Arthur and Morgana). Said Arthur and Morgana rolled their eyes at that last comment.

 

 _ **5.  If you had one wish (and you can’t wish for more wishes), what would you wish for and why?**_ (Hunith said that she could not wish for anything more because what she has had good or bad has made her who she is today). _Who could say anything against that?_

 

 _ **6.  If you could eat just one food everyday for a month and nothing else, what would it be?**_ (And Leon being a steak man answered honestly and said steak).

 

 _ **7.  What is your biggest fear?**_ (Morgana said snakes but she thinks that she and Arthur would be in agreement to say their father. And now that she thinks about it even more she thinks they would agree that their biggest fear is being bad parents. She keeps that last part to herself leaving it only at the snakes).

 

_**8.  What is one way you helped another person today?** (Morgana got the short straw twice here and answered that she helped Arthur with dinner)._

 

 _ **9.  If you could trade places with your parents for a day, what would you do differently?**_ (Arthur was quiet at first but he answered without looking at anyone in particular, "If I had a chance to do that I would tell my child that I loved them and I was proud of them more often.") It was quiet for a good ten seconds after that before Morgana made everyone draw straws again teary eyed herself.

 

 _ **10.  If you could have one dream come true, what would it be?**_ (Uther said it would have been to have more time with Arthur and Morgana's mother). It got quiet again for another ten seconds before Morgana made everyone draw straws, and this time Morgana needed a napkin to wipe her eyes. _Very discreetly of course._

 

_**11.  If you could pick your own name, what would it be?** (Merlin said Chad or Michael and when questioned why he responded, "Who would want to really be named after a famous warlock? Especially if you did not know if he was real or not. Its a child's worst nightmare!") Arthur responded that it was no different with his name and then Uther added the same until Morgana spoke, "Let's face it. We all have Arthurian Legend names." And that started another round of discussions going from Folklore to, Arthur being hunted by Morgana, and to Merlin being stuck in a tree._

 

 _ **12.  If you could be animal, what would you be and why?**_ (Merlin said that despite hating his name he still liked the time of magic and would have preferred being a dragon if he had to choose an animal. He said there was just an air of mystery about them).

 

 _ **13.  Which character in a book best describes you and why?**_ (Hunith said that she always felt like Cinderella. Not because us her meeting her prince but because she always dreamed big as a child and kept her head in the clouds).

 

 _ **14.  If you could see your future, where will you be in ten years?**_ (Leon responded that he would like it just the way it was now but with a few kids added to the equation). Uther toasted to that, while Leon and Morgana avoided direct eye contact for the next half-hour. Arthur sensed the tension and decided to file his thoughts on the topic for later to discuss with Morgana when the time was right.

 

 _ **15.  If you could be a famous person for a week, who would you be and why?**_ (Leon said Brad Pitt before he met Angelina Jolie because he seemed would have liked to know how one could live the life of the rich and famous through him. Not to mention how all of the women use to drape over him). Morgana, Hunith, and Merlin rolled their eyes at that.

 

They drew short straws to determine who would answer what question. And it was fun. They had so much fun and they discussed so much. If only it was really what they _wanted_ to discuss at all. Too bad it wasn't. But the dinner was _fun_! And before they knew it, almost three hours had past, their bellies were filled from food, dessert had been eaten, and they went through almost three bottles of wine. Arthur and Morgana could safely say that the evening was a success and she made sure to store those conversation topic sheets away for a rainy day. Morgana had thirty-five more questions to go. She could only thank God that she did not have to use it. And Arthur made a reminder to himself to buy something very extravagant for Morgana's Christmas present for the year.

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Morgana was in the kitchen cleaning up dinner dishes thinking that she was home free, this is where Hunith cornered her in the kitchen demanding answers. _Of course_ , Hunith didn't attack instantly. Her attacks were always strategically and well planned out. Morgana guessed it had to be having Merlin for a son, but once Hunith made a strike at a target she knew how to make an impact.

 

"So, how is Merlin?" Hunith asked nonchalantly.

 

"He's doing much better." Morgana answered in the same tone, "The doctor's were very pleased with his progress."

 

"Yes, Gwaine kept me informed of Merlin's treatments but in some regards he was very vague and any time I did speak with Merlin after he regained consciousness he always evaded any topic in detail of his prognosis." Hunith responded eying Morgana carefully.

 

"Well, you know Merlin. He will talk when he is ready to talk." Morgana replied tensing inwardly.

 

"I do know Merlin, which I why I know that he probably will not be talking at all and I am worried for him." Hunith responded running on hand over the back of her neck.

 

"You don't have to worry Hunith, Merlin will be alright."

 

"I hope so, I am just thankful that Arthur insisted that I stay a few days here to spend time with Merlin. He thought that it would be good for him."

 

"It will be."

 

"I am also thankful for each of you. I don't know Arthur as well yet though I intend to, but you and Gwaine, you were both such good friends to Merlin when he needed you the most and I don't think I will ever be able to really repay you for that."

 

Morgana smiled, "You never will have to. We all love Merlin very much."

 

"And I can also see that you brother loves him very much too."

 

Morgana smiled wider before responding, "That he does."

 

"I just hope that Merlin will not shut me out." Hunith said as her thoughts began to wander.

 

"I cannot speak for Merlin but all I can say is give him some time. I can't make promises because he hasn't exactly been forthcoming with information but I think that time and patience may end up being the key here."

 

Hunith wrapped an arm around Morgana's in response before saying, "And what about you?"

 

Morgana tensed in response, "What about me?"

 

"You could cut the tension with a knife in the room when Leon talked about children." Hunith said sharp eyes looking at Morgana.

 

"Its a tough topic for us right now."

 

"You don't want to have children?"

 

"At one point I didn't and then I did, and now I am just scared. I just knew that I never wanted my children to go through what Arthur and I did."

 

"You don't have to repeat the cycle Morgana."

 

"And for me to not repeat it meant to not make an attempt at all. I just started thinking differently again. I just want to wait a few years."

 

"And Leon doesn't?"

 

"Leon and I dated for over five years before we got married and we have been married over a year, so no, he doesn't want to wait."

 

"Maybe if you talked with him-"

 

"Oh we've talked, and we've argued, its a never ending discussion point." Morgana huffed, took a deep breath, and brought back her composure (Hunith always had a way to get her to share her thoughts), "It will be alright, Hunith. Like Merlin, I think we just need some time."

 

"Well I am here for you if you need me."

 

"I know."

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Despite all of the tension at first the evening turned out to be a successful one. The meal, the company, the entertainment, the wine, the laughs from the dinner conversation games and topics, everything went much smoother than Arthur thought it would and it wasn't long before the party was breaking up. Now, what Merlin did not know was that Hunith cleared her schedule to spend the next four days with him. Arthur thought he should be nervous about that even though it was his idea but now he could only hope that Merlin makes the most out of the time with his mother. Arthur losing his mother early in life knows what a value it is to have one and he knows that Merlin is going through a lot. He can only hope that Merlin will lean on his mother for support but knows from what he has learned from the gang that Merlin pushes Hunith away too. Only time will be able to tell the outcome of this attempt.  
  
The evening dwindled down and Arthur, Merlin, and Hunith sat in the living room to watch Fast Girls with Bradley James, Merlin had seen it a while ago when out with Will and Freya and wanted to see it again. It turned out they all loved it and they loved it even more with popcorn and beer. Arthur left the company of Hunith and Merlin a few hours in, his sly attempt to allow Hunith and Merlin some time on their own with no interference from him. Arthur headed to shower, changed into his sleep pants, and headed to bed. He was out like a light by the time Merlin turned in for the night.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Even though Arthur was the first to go to sleep the night before apparently everyone else decided it was a good day to wake up early because Arthur found himself in bed, _alone_ , when he woke up for the day. At least he saw evidence that Merlin was there. Arthur headed to the bathroom, showered, shaved, brushed his teeth, fixed his hair, slid on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and headed towards the smell of bacon, eggs, and coffee downstairs. Hunith and Merlin were talking about Merlin's upcoming physical therapy visit that would be occurring within the next couple of days. They must have been in their own worlds because they did not notice him until he made it into the kitchen. Arthur found it a little odd being in the kitchen with Hunith in the area where he fucked her son and _had been fucked_ on the kitchen floor, over the chair, and on the table before. He had to shake his head for a second to get the images out of it.  
  
"Good Morning." Arthur stated with a smile. Merlin startled but Hunith beamed at Arthur.  
  
"Good Morning, Arthur. Did you sleep well last night?"  
  
"Yes, I did. I trust that you enjoyed the guest room that we set up for you."  
  
"Yes I did, it was lovely and thank you Arthur."  
  
"No, thank you, I've been wanting to meet you for some time now but due to schedules and happenings it seemed that we never got around to it aside from a random phone conversation here or there. I am just happy that we can have some time now."  
  
Hunith smiled at Arthur. She knew that this boy would be good for her son. She just hopes that Merlin can get his stuff together and not mess it up. She also hopes that Merlin will accept her support. The problem with her son is _not_ that he is not a good man, he _is_ one of the best. She just knows that her son has a hard time dealing with things when things get tough. It ends with him pushing people away or him going on a long termed break. Most relationships cannot endure that kind of escape. Of course, Merlin had not been in a good stable relationship like he is now with Arthur. She just hopes they can make it through the long haul because she thinks there is a lot more going on than she is being informed of and if it was up to Merlin it would _stay that way_.  
  
"Well come on, Merlin get Arthur a cup of coffee or tea?" Hunith said turning her gesture into a question not knowing what he preferred.  
  
"Coffee will be fine this morning, I have a long day ahead."  
  
"You are going to work?" Merlin asked quickly.  
  
Arthur turned to Merlin, responding, "Yes, father, Morgana, and I took a lot of time off and now that we are back we are going to tackle anything immediately pending, and in my case reassign any thing that I can of the things that are not immediately pending, and we are going to look-"  
  
"You don't have to reassign anything for me." Merlin snapped.  
  
 _"Merlin."_ Hunith admonished. Merlin rolled his eyes slightly.  
  
"I didn't.." Merlin breathed out. "I didn't _mean_ it like that. What I meant is that you have taken a lot of time off and I don't want to to be responsible for you being behind."  
  
Arthur attempted a smile, "You are not, and I am not doing anything that I don't want to do. I am still going to work but will be reducing my workload for a little while. At least until you go back to work. If you don't need me I can still increase my hours but I wanted to make the preparations for the cases where you did need me."  
  
Hunith cut in a little surprised by Merlin's attitude, "Its a wonderful thought Arthur. Very thoughtful of you." And that time Merlin really did roll his eyes.  
  
They did manage to have a semi peaceful conversation at the breakfast table. Hunith and Merlin discussing taking in the sites, going to the museum, and heading into town for lunch. Merlin knew he was not supposed to overdue it, Arthur only hoped that he did not try to persuade Hunith to take more time out than he was actually allowed. Which later after breakfast Arthur found himself discussing with Hunith at length and though she did not know everything, (it was still clear by her expression that Merlin did not tell her anything about what happened to him when Arthur left them alone the night before), she was willing to take in the tips to ensure that Merlin would have a speedy recovery. While getting ready for work Arthur couldn't help but be thankful for the reprieve. He only hoped that Hunith would not have to suffer dealing with any back handed snippy comments from Merlin since he wouldn't be there for it to be directed to. Arthur quickly put that out of his mind focusing on getting ready for work, he could not afford to not have his head in the game after being off for so long. Uther may be changing but that does not mean that he tolerates stupidity any more than he did before. Pendragon and Associates runs a tight ship and in keeping up with it Arthur has always known he needed to stay focused.  
  
Merlin walked Arthur to the door, Arthur turning to him, leaning in for kiss saying, "I'll call you later." Before his lips even touch Merlin's the dark haired man responds, "You don't have to."  
  
Arthur goes for the kiss this time, its chaste, "I know that I don't have to but I am going to anyway."  
  
"Well don't go through the trouble. If I need anything I will call you." _And just like that,_ Arthur's focus went away.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
And Arthur was right, there were plenty of cases that were waiting for them upon their return to Pendragon. Sure Uther managed to reassign plenty of cases in their absence but for the higher profiled cases, the clients only wanted a Pendragon to represent them. Pendragon's main areas of practice were: Banking and Finance, Capital markets, Corporate  & M&A, Real Estate, Litigation & Dispute resolution, and Tax, pensions and employment. They also handled other cases focusing on Corporate Embezzlement or other White Collar crimes. Normally they would each focus one particular area but since they were behind they would all have to work together. The smaller cases seemed to have been divided amongst some of the other attorneys and junior staff but Arthur was right, there was a lot of work to be done. Work to be done, research to be done, communications to be sent out, progress to be made, people to meet, and work loads to be adjusted. Though Arthur knew not to be overly concerned now that they all were back he couldn't help but feel some of the pressure anyway. Arthur hated being behind. He hated not feeling in control. One thing was for sure, it was going to be a long day.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
It took Hunith about midday before she began to see the patterns of Merlin's mood swings. He startled quickly, he was standoffish, almost rude at times (well mainly to Arthur if his two phone calls earlier were anything to go by), and the spark in his eyes would die out just as quickly as they would set in. She attempted many times to speak with Merlin about why he was hospitalized. Merlin told her basically the same thing that Gwaine did, he must have made Gwaine write it down. Apparently someone that Arthur went to school with, someone that Merlin became friends with attacked him. Though Merlin downplayed it, Gwaine sounded more serious in his assessment. And so did Arthur on the few calls that she had with him. Not to mention the thought of how long Merlin was admitted in the hospital, it had to of been serious to be admitted for well over a week. According to Gwaine, Merlin took some heavy blows to the back of the head, he suffered bruising on his body from the impact of the abuse, he suffered brain trauma from the blows on the head, cardiac arrest, had several seizures, and was being treated for post traumatic stress disorder. The only reason why she did not show up to the hospital was because she knew that he was in good hands with Arthur, Morgana, and Gwaine. And because she kept in constant contact and was assured that a visit was not necessary. Now in thinking of what was said, the only thing missing from Gwaine's assessment was the details of how it all happened. Listening to Merlin he got a slap on the back of the head, suffered seizures, and is going to physical therapy to ensure there is no lasting problems and is going to see a counselor because it is routine for those who suffer from PTSD.  
  
Now Hunith Emrys is no fool. She may have grown up in the country and she may not have had higher education but she knows when she is being lied to and her son is definitely lying to her. But that is not what is standing out the most. In looking at Merlin he seems haunted, he took three showers already that day, he was very alert (though to be fair Merlin normally was), he was minimizing her concerns, he kept going blank like he was having flashbacks of some sort and would startle when she tried to get his attention, and he carried himself like he didn't seem to be attached to his own body.  
  
When they returned from lunch Merlin said he was tired and wanted to take a nap. Hunith did not stop him, her mind was all over the place with her thoughts. Thoughts that she hadn't thought about in a while. As Hunith pondered on this she thought about other times that she saw Merlin like that and her conclusion was something that she never wanted to think about again. Something she never thought she would have to deal with again. And she hoped she was wrong, oh she hoped she was wrong, Hunith thought while wringing her fingers nervously and straightening up. "I have to be wrong," Hunith whispered to herself. There was one thing for sure, she could sit around guessing or she could reach out to the one person who she knew what give her the right answers. Hunith took a deep breath, she never backed away from a challenge before and she didn't intend to now.  
  
"Arthur Pendragon."  
  
"Arthur?"  
  
"Hunith?" Arthur tried to raise his phone volume, "Hunith, are you there?"  
  
Hunith sighed and took a deep breath before asking the question that has been bothering for the better part of the day. "He was raped wasn't he?" She blurted it out. There was no other way she could have asked that question in her mind.  
   
Arthur froze. This was not how he wanted to have this conversation. In fact, _he did not want to have this conversation at all_ , this was Merlin's conversation to have, _not his_. Not to mention he did not know how Merlin would react to finding out it was Arthur that told. Arthur was pretty sure that Merlin would find a way to blame all of this on him as an excuse to be angry with him. It seemed Merlin needed a punching back lately and Arthur seemed to have fit the bill. His silence must have taken too long because Hunith continued,  
  
"You not answering is giving me all of the answers that I needed to know."  
  
The line was dead silent, Hunith almost thought the line was disconnected before Arthur spoke again. "Hunith," Arthur said in a distressed tone, "I'm sorry, we wanted to tell you. But we couldn't step out beyond Merlin's wishes." _And he barely wanted us to know,_ Arthur added to himself.  
  
Hunith swallowed hard and forced down the tears, "Its alright Arthur. It was up to Merlin to tell me."  
  
Arthur squeezed his eyes shut wanting to bang his head on his desk, "I'm sure that on some level he wanted to."  
  
Hunith nodded though there was not anyone around to nod to, the tears streaming down her face. "I would like to hope so, but we both know that it is not true. (Hunith took a deep breath) Look Arthur I am going to get dinner together while Merlin is taking his nap. Are you going to be late this evening."  
  
"No Morgana and I managed to sort out the workload, I should be home around 5:30ish?"  
  
"Sounds good." Hunith said struggling to hold it together and Arthur knew the feeling, though he could not imagine feeling it for ones own child.  
  
"Are you going to be alright, Hunith?"  
  
"I am a strong woman, Arthur. I have seen things many could only fathom to see and have experienced things that many may not have been able to survive, I will be fine."  
  
"But if you need anything."  
  
Hunith had to smile in between the tears, "I know Arthur, now get to work before for your 5:30ish turns into 6:30ish."  
  
"Yes, mam." Arthur paused before saying, "Good bye, Hunith."  
  
"Good bye, Arthur."  
  
______________________________________________________________________  
  
By 2pm, Arthur and Morgana were exhausted and slouched on Arthur's coach in his office. Arthur's feet were propped on his coffee table while Morgana's feet were propped on Arthur's lap (both had their shoes off), they had Curry food between them, and they looked worse for wear. Leon decided to grab his food continuing to work through any lunch and Uther decided that a strong drink would do much better than lunch at all. It was..one of those days. And on top of that Arthur was still wrestling with thoughts of Merlin and the shock of Hunith figuring out one of the major pieces of the puzzle.  
  
"So, Hunith knows?" Morgana asked raising an eyebrow.  
  
Arthur nodded in affirmation, "Hunith knows. She called asking but it was more like a statement. She said that my silence was answer enough for her."  
  
Morgana took a big sip of her Ice tea wishing it was a strong drink before replying, "Well, that's not surprising."  
  
"You would have been surprised if you were on the on the other end of the phone call."  
  
Morgana shook her head, "I'm not saying that. Hunith is a sharp, observant woman. And Merlin is her son, it would not have taken long to pick up on the signs."  
  
"And the signs, were they that obvious? I thought everyone said that Merlin was good at hiding."  
  
"He isn't when you know what to look for." Morgana shrugged and sat up a little but she still refused to move her feet. "You see we were all out of our depths with Valiant. Merlin didn't want any form of help then and he was withdrawing into himself. Hunith was at a loss and so was Gwaine and I. Gwen helped a good bit and so did the rest of our lot but it was mainly Gwaine and I that spent the most time with Merlin during this stage, oh, and Will and Freya too. Hunith relied on all of us too as her eyes and ears when she wasn't around. That's how we all made it through the last time and even though we did we all knew that Merlin hid from us what he didn't want us to see." Morgana paused to take another drink of ice tea. "Since we didn't have an idea on how to really help Merlin we sought out help ourselves from support groups and counselors. They taught us about the signs and what to look for. It would not have taken Hunith long once she began to focus on Merlin."  
  
Arthur thinned his lips a little, contemplating his thoughts, "And you, you have seen those signs?"  
  
Morgana nodded, "Yes, that is was why I was one of the first this time to advise Merlin on therapy. And don't down yourself (Morgana said using her toe to nudge Arthur's leg) if that is what you are thinking. You seem to be doing fairly well overall being able to read _Merlinish_ even without a support group. Did she say anything else?"  
  
Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose, "No, but she sounded like she was barely holding it together on the line."  
  
Yes, Morgana really wished that she had a strong drink but was too lazy to move her feet from Arthur's lap to go to his liquor cabinet for the whiskey that she knew was there. Even moving her toe had hurt. "Knowing Hunith, she probably is, barely holding it together that is."  
  
______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
 **A few hours later...**  
  
Hunith walked up to Merlin and Arthur's room and peaked in. She took a good long look at her son and even in sleep he was not at peace. She wondered if she failed Merlin somehow but chastised herself because it was nothing that she could do. She wondered if she could have done a better job of making Merlin more vocal with his thoughts as a child but she only had to think back to how outspoken both Merlin and Will were coming up. Hell, she practically gave him a big brother by taking on Will. No, Merlin _was_ outspoken. And it only made her angry because the only person responsible for this was that dam _Valiant_ , he did this to her baby. He was the one who made Merlin so broken to the point that he closed himself off. And Merlin _is_ beautiful. A person like Merlin should never be closed off, he should always be open for all of the world to see. Hunith was leaning on the wall looking at Merlin but she found that she couldn't stay in the room any longer. Not without wanting to take control over this situation and the last time she did that Merlin pushed her away for six months.  
  
Hunith understand very well the fear that she now recognized as she thought back to the look in Arthur's eyes when he was focused on Merlin. Now she understood it for what it was. The look of fear that he might lose Merlin, the look of fear of not knowing what to do, the look of fear of saying and doing the wrong thing. And when Hunith focused enough she realized that the same look wasn't far from Morgana's face either. Which was odd considering Morgana knew how to handle these situations. Which now told Hunith that this situation was even worse than she started to guess. She shook her head before leaving the room. She really did not know how long she stood there, leaning on the wall, watching Merlin and reflecting on her own thoughts. When she looked at the hallway clock she realized that she was lost in her thoughts for a few hours already.  
  
She went downstairs and started making preparations for dinner.  
  
She remembered Arthur mentioning that he liked mussels the other night and she knew that Merlin did too which made the dinner choice fairly easy. Hunith remembered a new recipe that she tried out for Will and Freya the month before last, spaghetti with mussels and tomato sauce. Will loved it having enough for two people and Freya took some back for lunch the next day. She was pretty sure that it would be good enough for Merlin and Arthur.  
  
Hunith started prepping washing the mussels removing any beards. She allowed to sit in cold water to remove any grit. Her mind continued to wander during the preparation. Not getting past how she would be able to get Merlin to open up without pushing him away.  
  
After the ten minutes she put the mussels in a lidded pan to steam before moving on to the next part of the preparation. She started to saute the vegetables until soft adding olive oil, onions, garlic, red chili peppers, and chopped tomatoes.  
  
She sighed while she waited on the spaghetti. _How could she fix this?_ The only thing different this time was the therapy, Hunith thought to herself. That was their only hope. And she will have to be supportive and at times forceful whether Merlin liked it or not. She'd rather him pull away and get better than to coddle him and allow him to destroy himself. The thought of losing Merlin again almost tore Hunith apart.  
  
Hunith hands were slippery and she was not focused on what she was doing. She reached for one of the jars of spaghetti sauce and it slipped right out of her hand and onto the floor. The jar busted open and the contents splattered and was on the white cabinets as well, and all Hunith could see from the red was the thought of her baby being beaten, battered, and bloody somewhere and her not having any knowledge about it until it was too late. She started scrubbing the cabinets furiously, chin tight enough she thought it would pop, and teeth clinched tight enough she thought it might crack. She scrubbed and scrubbed while her mind played scenario after scenario in it. She was so worked up that she did not realize she left a wet patch on the floor until she slipped and fell. Fortunately for her she did not sprain or break anything, at least she didn't sprain or break anything that was visible. It was at that moment Hunith finally let it go. And she cried, and sobbed, and cried some more. She wrapped her arms around herself rocking back and forth trying to hold herself together and she cried. She must have been on the floor for a good half and hour before she pulled herself together again.  
  
Hunith _refused_ to allow this to keep her down. She went to the sink, splashed water on her face, wiped it with a towel, and started cleaning the rest of the tomato sauce up. She then went upstairs to change and to throw her now stained clothes in the washer. Arthur would be home soon she thought to herself, and from what she gathered he could really use the support in helping her son. She had to be strong for them. Hunith finished cooking the spaghetti with mussels and tomato sauce along with herb crusted flat bread and asparagus to go with the meal. She chilled a bottle of red wine and completed a Fresh Berry Pavlova (with strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, meringue, and whip cream) for dessert. Anything to keep herself together while her thoughts continued to linger on Merlin and what to do next.  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you enjoy this chapter? I would like to hear from you. How was Hunith? The dinner discussion topics? What about the tension between Merlin and Arthur or even Leon and Morgana for that matter? And what about Uther? All thoughts are appreciated on any highpoint or low point of the chapter.
> 
> I did not get to the therapy or the argument in this chapter but as you can see it is leading up to it. The therapy (counseling) will begin in the next chapter. Along with some more of Hunith and some more Merthur moments, though those moments may not be as happy as we would like it to be. It all depends on that therapy session. Also, more physical therapy will be coming Merlin's way too.
> 
> And again, thank you for the reviews, kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions. I love them all!


	31. Waiting for the Inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All I can say in this chapter is please don't be mad at Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. There was actually a lot of research required and I kept going and going and by the time I was finished I actually wrote about 25,000 words. And I didn't want to stop while I was having my good days without a lot of pain. So expect more chapters coming your way within the next few days because I am just editing and writing more chapters right now.
> 
> I will also review this one later again too. I just didn't want to leave you all without an update.

  
_Hunith_ refused _to allow this to keep her down. She went to the sink, splashed water on her face, wiped it with a towel, and started cleaning the rest of the tomato sauce up. She then went upstairs to change and to throw her now stained clothes in the washer. Arthur would be home soon she thought to herself, and from what she gathered he could really use the support in helping her son. She had to be strong for them. Hunith finished cooking the spaghetti with mussels and tomato sauce along with herb crusted flat bread and asparagus to go with the meal. She chilled a bottle of red wine and completed a Fresh Berry Pavlova (with strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, meringue, and whip cream) for dessert. Anything to keep herself together while her thoughts continued to linger on Merlin and what to do next._  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Chapter 31  
  
And just like the night before, the dinner conversation was just as tense, just as _stilted_. Morgana's family dinner conversation topics idea was starting to look better and better. And Arthur thought that he could have really used having Morgana's presence at the dinner table again, but _somehow_ , somehow Arthur couldn't help but have the feeling that Morgana was having problems of her own tonight if the tension between her and Leon the other night was any indication to go by. And Arthur also couldn't help having the feeling that Hunith had not broached the discussion topic of rape amongst other things with Merlin as of yet. _Yes_ , yes, the good times just keep getting better and better. And with that the coming sense of dread, the sense of _knowing_ something you don't want to know and wanting to do just about anything to escape it before it occurs.  
  
But just like death and taxes (something you can't choose the time-frame for and something that can lead to a lot of pain, stress, and tension along the way), its inevitable. Its as inevitable as a Hurricane when given a direction and the course is set. Its as inevitable as it is for smoke to develop before a fire, and as sure as the formation of clouds before the rain. All things equal on the damage that can be caused along the way and all things that can't be avoided once on a sure path, and like the coming since of dread (and knowing), all had the potential to reach the level explosive epic proportions. But no one wants to admit that they see it coming. Instead everyone wants to ignore the fact that the tension is there and everyone wants it to go away. And because of this it waits...  
  
Its like a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode and like the game last night it was just the distraction needed - not to slow down the timer - but to temper it. Temper it for what was to come – while - all the while the bomb itself continued to tick until the final seconds hit the number zero.  


It was a like a tea kettle on a stove that boiled water over until the water burned out for being on for so long causing the unattended lid to shoot off because no one managed to take the kettle off the burner on time or turn the burner off, remove the kettle, or add more cold water. And all the while you could see the steam shooting through the kettle before it reached that inevitable boiling and later evaporation point.

 

It was like the calm before the coming storm. Where the animals are quiet and the earth is still, holding their breath in wait, doom upon the horizon with no where to go. At least they had the game as a substitute the other night, tonight, there was no such luck.  


One thing about being at the hospital was that they were able to hide. They were able to hide behind their doubts, worries, and fears because they were all too busy focusing on Merlin's health. Sure they were walking on egg shells before but they did not have to address any of those said issues that were lurking in the dark beneath the surface and behind the scenes. Now that they were back home there was nothing to hide behind, no barriers between them and no one to blame it on. It was all out there, out in the open, and laid bare for all to see.  


So they all decided without saying to tread lightly at the dinner table...

Merlin and Hunith talked about their day visiting the V&A museum and then The Regent Park, which was also adjacent to the London Zoo. They also talked about having lunch at Poppies, which serves the best fish and chips. They tried to extend the days events for as long as they could. _It didn't last long._  
  
Arthur talked about work and the maneuvering of caseloads that he, Uther, and Morgana had to work through due to their absences. He talked about what to expect in the coming weeks and about some of the cases that he would have to take on. Arthur also told Hunith and Merlin about one of their big cases dealing with corporate embezzlement and how it could have the potential to be the next Enron gone bad if no one intercedes to fix things soon. He went on discussing how the board of directors decided to call in the experts. And yes, Arthur knew that is contribution to the discussion was boring, but it was also safer to discuss.  
  
So, with the dinner conversation being stilted, based on how one spent their day and work, needless to say, dinner was a quiet affair. And the whiskey went down very smoothly for Arthur as a nightcap.  


**___________________________________________________________________________________________________**  
  
  
Despite it all, Hunith was a godsend for Arthur. She stayed with Merlin while Arthur was at work. She was there for Merlin's physical therapy sessions and she was able to watch out for him. Hunith made sure that Merlin ate his meals, whether he was hungry or not. She, as Merlin's mother was also able to read Merlin a lot better and was able to detect things that Arthur had not noticed even though he was watching Merlin like a hawk. For instance, he never realized Merlin was taking as many showers as he had been. Like he couldn't get any cleaner than he already was.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Hunith was able to stay a few more days longer than scheduled. But it was on the third day that she managed to confront Merlin out back in the garden. 

  
"Merlin," Hunith took Merlin's hands in hers and looked him directly in his eyes, "I know what happened to you."  
  
Merlin attempted to dismiss the coming thought immediately, "I don't know what your talking about mum."  
  
Hunith shook her head, determined to get it out. "Merlin, I know that you were raped." Hunith did not know how to sugarcoat it and she doubted that Merlin would want her to either. That's the way they were with each other.  
  
Merlin eyes snapped to hers after looking away, first thought, "Arthur told you," like he was betrayed. Like his partner - boyfriend - did not have the right to show his concern to someone else.  
  
"No, it wasn't Arthur. Arthur confirmed it and he didn't want to do that. It was the signs, it was clear as day and a mother knows these things. No matter how much her child attempts to hide it behind her back."  
  
Merlin shook his head but had the presence of mind to look almost guilty. He wanted to get up though but thought better of it knowing that his mother would not leave him alone in this moment or that she would follow him, "I don't want to talk about it mum."  
  
Hunith's eyes started watering but she held it in, " I know, but I wanted you to know that I know and I am here for you when you need to talk about it-"  
  
"I won't... _want_...to talk about it, mum."  
  
"But if you do-"  
  
"I _won't_."  
  
Hunith paused before continuing because this was Merlin being stubborn, "I understand that you are starting therapy on Monday." It wasn't a question.  
  
Merlin shifted in his seat beside Hunith, uncomfortable, "Yes."  
  
Hunith took one of her hands to place under Merlin's chin and turned his face to focus on hers, "I want you to take full advantage of this therapy, Merlin. You need it, not just for this time but for all of it."  
  
"Mum-" Merlin attempted to speak but Hunith cut him off, he attempted to move his face (needed to move), but Hunith's grip was strong.  
  
"No, Merlin you must listen to me. You have been through so much and all I want is for you to get through this without fear and without worry. You deserve to have a normal life without the traumas of the past catching up with you. You deserve some normalcy in your life. I know that you never got over what happened between you and Valiant (Merlin flinched), I know Merlin (Hunith's jaw was set). And now you are dealing with this new obstacle. I don't know all of the details but Merlin, if you don't get past this it will crush you. And you have so much potential for more. I wanted to push you that last time, to move past everything, to move on. To take some of the burdens that you didn't deserve to be carrying but I was so afraid that I would push you away. (Hunith paused) I fear I did not do all that I could have to help. I am not going to make those same mistakes this time. I will be here for you, whether you want me to be or not-"  
  
"Mum-" Merlin tried again, attempting to dislodge himself from Hunith's grip, it held firm. Merlin's jaw clinched.  
  
"I will be here for you, Merlin. Even if you try to push me away again."  
  
Merlin didn't want to describe what happened to his mother, he couldn't bear to see her devastated expression again. Once in a lifetime was enough and he filled that quota with Valiant. A mother should never have to deal with a child's turmoil. Not like this. She deserved better, Merlin thought.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________  
   
  
Arthur saw Hunith and Merlin in the garden but did not interrupt. He could only assume what their discussion was going to be about and it was not his place to interfere between a mother and her son, boyfriend - partner? - lover, _or not_. It was a conversation that they need to have, that Merlin needed to have, though Arthur was pretty sure that it was a one-sided conversation given how the past conversations were with Merlin on the topic in question. In regards to the rape or anything bordering the topic, Merlin was a _closed_ book. And bits and pieces were all that you were going to get, the summary of the book, the preface, the outline, no story itself.  
  
So Arthur waited. He went to his bar and made himself a whiskey, no ice, just a nice shot glass of whiskey. It burned going down, Arthur loved it. By the time Arthur finished his third shot glass the conversation seemed to be over. He watched how Hunith had to grip Merlin to keep him focused on her, to listen to what she had to say. And he watched as she held him in her arms after they finished speaking. It was at that moment that he sat down in his living room, sat on his settee, and turned on the telly. He wasn't really watching anything and would not be able to say what was on if asked. The colors on the screen and the talking all seemed to run together. It was just noise to him as he waited for the inevitable to happen. Whether it be an argument, crying, more withdrawals, depression, or acceptance. Arthur waited.  
  
It must have been about twenty minutes later or so before the screen door opened. Arthur turned to the sound to see Hunith coming inside, her eyes red. He stood up immediately. Hunith came to him and smiled. It wasn't her best smile, but she got an A for effort. She leaned in and gave Arthur a hug that he didn't realize that he needed until he received it.  
  
She attempted a smile again before saying, "Go to him, Arthur. He needs you."  
  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Arthur stood there, frozen in time for a moment. He watched Hunith go upstairs to turn in for the night and he watched the screen door as if he had the power to open it by sheer will and will alone. Arthur did not know how long he stood there watching the screen door. It could have been seconds, it could have minutes, it could have been hours, though he doubted it was that long. The only thing he did not doubt was that he was utterly and completely out of his element of understanding what to do or say at a time like this. Merlin was - _is_ \- the most important thing to him and yet he did not know how to make it all better. _How could he make it all better?_ It was that thought that prompted Arthur's legs to move of its own accord. It was that thought that allowed for Arthur's arms to move to open the screen - glass - door that led out into the garden. It was with that thought that he made it over quietly to sit down in the spot that Hunith vacated previously beside Merlin. It was with that thought that gave Arthur the strength to deal with what happened next.  
  
"I'm not going to ask you how are you holding up." Arthur started, Merlin stared straight ahead like there was some beacon of light that captivated him.  
  
"I know that you are tired of answering that question." Arthur paused taking in Merlin's lost expression before continuing. "I am not even going to begin to imagine how hard all of this must be for you so I won't." Merlin blinked, Arthur continued.  
  
"But we promised each other that we were going to get through this together and that means through the good times and the bad times-"  
  
"Arthur-" Merlin started but Arthur was on a roll.  
  
"And that means that I am not going to allow you to wallow or to go down any road of self-pity or blame. That means that we can lean on each other Merlin -"  
  
"Arthur please --, would you please just give me some...time-"  
  
"I am not going to leave you alone, Merlin-"  
  
"Please --."  
  
"No, I've done it long enough. If you want me to stop talking then I will do that, for now. But I am not going to leave you alone, not again. I will stand by your side as we go through this together. You can lean on me, Merlin."  
  
Merlin shook his head and tears came to his eyes, yes he knows Arthur is there for him, but he also knows that he is not himself at the moment to be the boyfriend that Arthur would want to be around.  
  
Arthur watches as Merlin starts to shake, to tremble, his eyes are watering but there is a battle waging on in him not to cry. Arthur refuses to go because it has not benefited neither he or Merlin when he walked away to appease Merlin before. In fact, it only made things more tense than they were before. No, he needs to try. Hesitantly, Arthur raises an arm to wrap around Merlin's waist and draws him in shifting his hand then up Merlin's back and angling him to lean on Arthur, to manipulate Merlin's body to press against his, and to navigate to allow for Merlin's head to rest on Arthur's shoulder. He turns in a way then to wrap both arms around Merlin to allow for Merlin to have solid contact. Each step strategically done not to be forceful to Merlin, and giving him a choice. The shaking and trembling turn into sobs and Arthur's dry shirt becomes wet as Merlin cries. The sobbing is almost silent but Arthur could feel it coming out of Merlin as much as he can hear it. Arthur didn't know how long they sat like that but they did until the sobbing stopped.  
  
Arthur wasn't prepared for what happened next...  
  
Maybe he didn't have the strength to deal with _everything_ that happened next like he was attempting to make himself believe...  
  
There felt like a sudden change to Merlin as he shifted to face Arthur. "Arthur?' Merlin called out in a whisper.  
  
"Yes." Arthur responded immediately.  
  
"I need you right now."  
  
"You have me, Merlin, you know that."  
  
Merlin shook his head, "No, I need you right now. I need to know that you are here. I need--" in one swift move Merlin went from leaning on Arthur side to straddling Arthur's legs. "I need you." Merlin moved his hips to give a hint in a gesture that should be illegal, but in all fairness to Merlin, Arthur got the message. He just didn't know what to do with that message.  
  
"Merlin.." Arthur started hesitantly, reluctant, before Merlin continued.  
  
"You don't.. you don't want it?" Merlin asked, rejected, confused, and hurt.  
  
"Its not that, Merlin-"  
  
"Than what is it?!" Merlin asked while kissing and nibbling up and down Arthur's neck. Though his tone sounding anxious.  
  
"Merlin, no," Arthur was attempting to lean back. To give some space between them, "let's not do this now."  
  
Merlin shook his head, "Please." Merlin asked eyes watering, "Please Arthur, I need you. Please let me have this." And really, Merlin should not have to beg for this.  
  
"Merlin-"  
  
Merlin continued, determined, but his tone was still anxious. "Arthur, I need to forget, forget it all. Please-"  
  
"Merlin-" Arthur sounded like he was all but begging Merlin to reconsider.  
  
But Merlin did not let up. "Arthur, I am begging you."  
  
Arthur was still unsure, hesitant, and in that moment of indecision, Merlin took advantage. "Please Arthur, if you love me you will let me have this." And that broke Arthur because how could Merlin doubt his love for him?  
  
Arthur's throat tightened and when he spoke next he was hoarse. "We don't have anything out here." Arthur tried another way to put off the inevitable, knowing that he could not say no when Merlin begged him the way that he had, despite his own reservations.  
  
Merlin placed both hands on each side of Arthur's face and looked him in the eyes. "Please Arthur. I need you. The doctor's have already cleared me and you haven't been with anyone ..else. Please."  
  
Arthur shook his head, grasping for straws in the wind mentally, "I have nothing to prepare you with. I don't want to hurt you." And Arthur meant that in more ways than one.  
  
Merlin gripped the sides of Arthur's face a bit more firmer, "I don't need anything, I just need you. Please, help me.. help me to forget. Please...let me.." And as Merlin was speaking he was palming Arthur's crotch and making a short way of opening Arthur's trousers, pulling down his zip, and reaching for his cock. A second later Merlin was divesting himself of his own jeans and boxers. Shoes and socks forgotten.  
  
Arthur couldn't say anything...  
  
It wasn't making love, it wasn't even sex. In fact Arthur didn't even know what it was. There was nothing romantic about it because it seemed that all that Merlin wanted from him was his cock and that was what he got. There was Arthur, still clothed. The only bit of flesh protruding was his cock showing through from his unbuttoned trousers and zipped down fly. Though it could be missed with Merlin riding him. No, there was nothing romantic about this at all. Merlin cried out from the pain of the intrusion in his unprepared hole. There was a wetness and Arthur knew it was not from any pre-come. Arthur tried to slow it down, to bring it to a stop, but Merlin was insistent on feeling every bit of it, even the parts that hurt. And that hurt Arthur more than anything because Merlin was using him as a substitution for what happened to him. It wasn't a sign of moving forward or even a sign of healing. It was just a sign of deflecting immediate grief of crisis, to avoid. And everything that he had heard of so far. And Merlin didn't even kiss him, almost disassociating himself from the intimacy of the act itself. The only thing that made Arthur feel a part of it - at all - was the fact that Merlin was calling his name but he might as well have been calling Mordred's or Valiant's because this was _angry sex_ and in some ways Arthur felt violated. It felt wrong, everything about it felt wrong.  
  
Arthur didn't come, _couldn't_ , it felt wrong, and his mind was too mixed up to get any satisfaction out of it. But Merlin did. And while he did he cried and sobbed. Arthur could do nothing but hold him wondering "what the fuck is happening between them." And as Merlin continued to cry and sob he started whispering his apologies to Arthur, over and over again. Like he came to himself and realized his mistake. Arthur couldn't find it in himself to tell him to _stop_ , to say that it was _okay_ , because it _wasn't_. He just held him and Merlin cried until he fell asleep in Arthur's arms. And after several long minutes later, Arthur did the only thing that he could do. He dressed Merlin in his clothes, he carried him up to their room and placed him in their bed stripping him of his shoes, socks, shirt, and jeans left him in his boxers. He then took a very, very long, hot, steaming shower, put on his pajama bottoms, and slid into the far side of the bed. And _wept_ silently. Feeling alone and completely lost as for what to do to make this all right again.  
  
Arthur was out of the bed at 6am before Merlin woke up the next morning. He went for a long run to stretch his muscles and to get his mindset together. He had to be strong for Merlin, no matter what. It was either a decision to stick it out or to walk away, and Arthur didn't think that he was strong enough to walk away from Merlin. He returned, took another long shower and slid into a pair of dark blue jeans and a white t-shirt. Merlin was awake by then. And when they did have a moment alone after breakfast while sorting out their clothing out for the day – both Arthur and Merlin were happy – that the happenings of the night before did not become a topic for discussion. Arthur wasn't sure how he could address it even if it had. It was as if it never happened. All for the fact that _it did_. Arthur thought it was tense before but now it felt like a rubber band was at its last strand before it popped into unrepairable balances before the rubber needed to be recycled again to make more. Could their relationship be recycled? Could it go back to the way it was? Was it meant to? Arthur didn't know anymore, and it scared the hell out of him.  
 ****  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  


Hunith sensed that something else had happened between Merlin and Arthur than what had already transpired after she went to bed the night before. She was hoping there would have been some progress after she spoke with Merlin and left them to be alone to talk. She watched them both like a hawk. She made them bacon, fried eggs with mushroom, croissants, and sausages for breakfast. She made tea for herself and coffee for Arthur and Merlin. She watched as they barely touched the other at the table or even in passing in the kitchen and she frowned on their attempt of stunted conversation based on what their plans were for the day noticing that no personal topics were broached. There was no doubt in Hunith's mind that the attempt of conversation made so far was probably for her benefit and her benefit alone. She didn't know what transpired but it wasn't looking good and she couldn't bear for things to fall apart between them. The love between them was evident but so was the _hurt_. The hurt was so strong it seemed like it brought about a physical presence that even she could feel, though the presence itself was invisible. And Hunith feared that the hurt would overrule the love if an intervention did not take place and very soon, because despite the fact of what is said, love _does not_ always conquer all, but it _does_ cover a multitude.  
  
She watched quietly as they ate breakfast and as everyone dispersed to start the day and then she came up with a plan that would help benefit both Merlin and Arthur. It was about midday while Merlin was taking his nap that she reached to Arthur while he was at Pendragon and Associates.  
  
"Arthur Pendragon."  
  
"Arthur, this is Hunith."  
  
Arthur picked his phone off of speaker and brought his hand phone to his ear, "Hunith, is everything alright? Is there something wrong with Merlin?" Arthur asked worriedly, and with good reason. Hunith didn't call him at work unless it was something of importance.  
  
"Merlin is fine Arthur. I am calling to speak with you."  
  
"Okay, how can I help you, Hunith?"  
  
"Do you have time to leave work for a while? I need you to meet me somewhere." Hunith asked vaguely.  
  
Arthur frowned, looked at his watch and then referred to his schedule. "I have a few hours in the clear. I was just sorting out paperwork and I can get Morgana to cover for me in my absence."  
  
"Good. How soon can you leave?"  
  
"Depending on the address, I'll say in about fifteen minutes."  
  
"Excellent, can you meet me at this address?" Hunith provided Arthur with an address that he was not familiar with. "Say in about a half hour?"  
  
"Okay--, that should be fine... are you sure that everything is alright, and that Merlin is okay?"  
  
"Everything is fine Arthur, or well its as fine as its going to be for now. Just meet me at that address okay?"  
  
"Alright--, I'll see you soon."  
  
"Goodbye, Arthur." Hunith ended the call leaving Arthur holding his phone in his hand wondering what the fuck was that.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
It was twenty five minutes later that Arthur made it to the address in question in the city districts. The address led him to a red brick building with black trimming. The building was not fancy and there were no signs or advertisements to show exactly what it was used for. It could have been a house as easily as it was for business purposes. Hunith must have seen him through the window because she met him outside.  
  
"Arthur."  
  
"Hunith, where's Merlin?"  
  
"He is still at home, resting. I left him a note."  
  
Arthur looked confused and was feeling just a little agitated. He hoped those expressions were not showing up on his face but based on Hunith's answering expressions it seemed that his hopes were washed.  
  
"I'm sorry for calling you away from work but I wanted to bring you to a place that was recommended to me a long time ago when Merlin went through a similar situation. And you know what situation that was. I know that I was evasive on the phone but I didn't know how you would have responded and I think that this is important for both you and for Merlin."  
  
Arthur closed his eyes, tightly, and pressed his lips together in a thin line before responding. "What is this place then? A crisis center?"  
  
"Its a place that houses support groups for rape victims. Support for friends, family, and loved ones. I took Morgana, Gwaine, Will, and Freya here with me before too during the time of Valiant (Arthur flinched). Merlin has a way of detaching himself from strenuous situations and blocking everyone away from him when hurt. It was the only way to deal with him, to help him, and to understand frankly what he could have possibly been going through." Hunith paused before continuing, "Arthur, I don't know the details of what transpired in this rape as I did with Valiant but from what I've seen, the repercussions seem to be far worse." (Arthur didn't say anything, he couldn't). "I think its brought back some of the past traumas and now its like he's dealing with both events at the same time and on some level it is tearing him apart. I'm hoping that the therapy will help piece those events together to allow Merlin to move past it all. He's strong enough to do so but he is going to need help, from all sources." Hunith focused on Arthur now, not judging, but searching for something. _She found it._ Hunith paused for a few moments longer to make sure that Arthur was getting the importance of what she was saying before she continued. "Merlin loves you Arthur, I can see it as plain day. It is as sure that the sun in the sky and the moon the lights in the darkness. And I can see how very much you love him. You adore one another. And even in the mist of Merlin's turmoil I can't miss the way he looks at you when you are not looking at him or the way that he talks about you when he is in the middle of a story. His love is still shining through it all. But I can also see the strain that is going on between you two. The hurt and the pain. And though you very noble efforts of covering it up are there, there is no way that the pain and tension can hide itself." Hunith took Arthur's hands in hers. "Merlin will get past this Arthur, he is strong, and he has you, something he did not have before, but once he does I would like him to still have you once its all said and done."  
  
Arthur felt encouraged by Hunith's words. He was indeed feeling alone and like he was fighting a losing battle. He would have normally fought about seeking help from any source, it wasn't a Pendragon thing to do. Or so he thought. But now after hearing that Uther went to counseling and that Morgana seeked help when needed he is seeing through different eyes that it only makes you weak when you don't utilize all of the sources that surround you in a time of need. And this is a time of need.  
  
Hunith led Arthur into the red brick building and introduced him to a young woman named Melissa. Apparently she was a rape survivor and is now volunteering her time to be at the Rape Crisis Center for to help victims, friends, family, and loved ones of rape. She must have worked there long because Hunith said that she was there when she needed help with Merlin during the times of Valiant. Who knew years later there would be times of Mordred to deal with too? Melissa spoke with Arthur about what the center did and what programs they had available from just support, hot-lines, single counseling, and group counseling. She also provided pamphlets and videos from loved ones, spouses, and partners, who dealt with some of the same things that Arthur was going through now. Arthur wanted to cry. He wasn't one to cry but over the past year it seemed like he never cried this much in his life. Never had anything to cry over so much in his life, no, not until Merlin.  
  
In the end, Arthur signed up for the group counseling (to attend once a week). He needed to know how people dealt with this who had experienced some of what he is going through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please share your thoughts on this chapter.


	32. Hunith calls in Reinforcements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunith calls in reinforcements.  
> Merlin gets another surprise visitor.  
> Merlin faces up to some truths.  
> Arthur tries to deal with his circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews and Kudos are like candy. You can never have enough.

  
_Hunith led Arthur into the red brick building and introduced him to a young woman named Melissa. Apparently she was a rape survivor and is now volunteering her time to be at the Rape Crisis Center for to help victims, friends, family, and loved ones of rape. She must have worked there long because Hunith said that she was there when she needed help with Merlin during the times of Valiant. Who knew years later there would be times of Mordred to deal with too? Melissa spoke with Arthur about what the center did and what programs they had available from just support, hot-lines, single counseling, and group counseling. She also provided pamphlets and videos from loved ones, spouses, and partners, who dealt with some of the same things that Arthur was going through now. Arthur wanted to cry. He wasn't one to cry but over the past year it seemed like he never cried this much in his life. Never had anything to cry over so much in his life, no, not until Merlin._  
  
In the end, Arthur signed up for the group counseling (to attend once a week). He needed to know how people dealt with this who had experienced some of what he is going through.  
  
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"So, Mum calls, sounding all weird and possibly crying.." Will starts off as soon as Merlin opens the door to the manor after ringing the doorbell possibly ten times and banging on the door like there was no tomorrow until Merlin answers it and barges right on in without even waiting for an invite. _As if he would stay out if he didn't get one anyway._ "And tells me that I need to come by and check up on _you._ And you know what that told me." (Will leaned in pulling Merlin in for a hug and ran a hand through Merlin's hair in the middle of his speech) "Something the fuck is wrong with you it told me and that she needed to call in the big guns by calling in your big brother from another mother. And I wondered _what the hell._ When I spoke to Merlin last week when he was at the hospital he told me that everything was fine and not to worry. And now I'm beginning to think, that fucking git lied to me because something _is wrong_ – more wrong than we've be told - if I got a phone call like that. So I'm here _now_ , wanting to know what the fuck is going on with you and I am not leaving here without an answer. And what I mean by an explanation is that I'm not leaving here without the truth. So I'm just going to go to the fridge over there in the kitchen, pull about a beer, because I know Pendragon Jr has to have something in there with all of that money he has to throw around and I'm going to make myself a nice sandwich giving you plenty of time to come up with a story to tell me. Right? Right.  
  
Merlin stood, flabbergasted. Merlin tugged at his hair as his skin went pale and watched Will with his jaw practically on the floor as Will stormed into the kitchen.  
  
And in less than five minutes, Will made fast work of finding the kitchen and making himself at home in Merlin and Arthur's kitchen like he owned the place. And Will took his time preparing a ham, turkey, and cheese sandwich dressed with lettuce, onions, pickles, tomatoes, and a basil spread. He even took the time to clean up after he was finished. He then set about searching the fridge of some ale and came out with two Burton Bridge Ale bottles. And twenty minutes later he was looking at Merlin like he was prepared to go to battle to save the village people.  
  
And that's how Will got the story out of Merlin because Will can be a steamroller over Merlin when he needed to be (and he does not know the meaning of the word 'no') and Merlin thanks the gods because Will did not use his powers for evil, only when he deemed it to be necessary. Because when he did, it was _always_ effective. Even when Merlin didn't _want it to be._ Its something about being a little brother in all ways but blood and knowing that said brother practically all of his life.  
  
So that was why one hour later Merlin found himself in the living room on the settee with a sandwich and a beer because when Will went into 'big brother' mode he really went into big brother mode taking everything to the extreme. And with that, he made sure that Merlin ate and took care of himself. It also meant that Will wouldn't leave unless he felt his part or all of the job was done. And Merlin found himself explaining everything that happened over the past few weeks. From the abduction, Mordred and the curse, who Mordred was, the rape, and the hospital experience along with his treatments. Well maybe not everything, he couldn't discuss the moments of torture that he buried in himself by blacking out. And he could not express how he felt about those things yet but for the first time he at least said what happened to someone.  
  
Will decided not to press to much on telling Merlin what to do or how to handle his experience. He'd been around Hunith enough to know that was probably not why she called in the first place. And judging by the tone of Hunith's voice on the phone, what she did say, what she did _not_ say, and Merlin's experience. Will got the impression that Merlin wasn't sharing anything. And Will only saw confirmation in that judging how clinically detached Merlin was in discussing the rape and how he would suddenly show a burst of emotion in one moment and go into a void the next. Will came to the conclusion that Merlin hadn't talked to anyone about the rape at all. Will pondered that some more but also concluded that if Hunith wanted him to do anything more than she should have said so or been more specific (Will could always get Merlin to talk- though he could never tell how (he didn't know) - he just couldn't talk him into doing something he didn't want to do in conclusion of that talk and on some level he didn't want to) before moving on to other details.  
  
"You didn't want to press charges?" Will asked for the third time during their talk. This time getting up picking up the two empty beer bottles before going into the kitchen throwing the empty bottles away and grabbing two more and returning giving Merlin more than enough time to think about his thoughts on the matter.  
  
"It wasn't him, Will. It was like, well not like... it was someone else completely taking over him and doing what they saw as best. It took a witch to break the curse." Merlin replied shaking his head. Will observed Merlin as he spoke and answered questions noticing that Merlin was keeping a tight check on his feelings in the entire matter. (But Will also knew from counseling that he was not allowed to push Merlin. Merlin had to take those steps on his own).  
  
Will nodded, a little beside himself. _He wanted to push those steps._  
  
"You don't seem all that shocked or bothered about magic and curses." Merlin said as he continued to nibble on his sandwich.  
  
Will turned to Merlin, "Oh, I'm shocked. I just remembered all that support group shit Hunith dragged us to before and rule number one was we were to listen and not interrupt when you were willing to talk."  


Merlin didn't know what to say to that. 

  
"You were tortured, Merlin." Will said, eyes turning glossy.  
  
"I know." Merlin's eyes mirroring Will's own.  
  
"You almost died, Merlin. And not just out there but in the hospital too."  
  
"I know, Will." Merlin repeated. It was hard to comfort someone else when you couldn't comfort yourself.  
  
Will didn't force Merlin to go into his 'feelings' knowing that Merlin probably still didn't understand what those said feels were at this point. He knew that Merlin blocked things out and had probably not even processed some of the same events that he mentioned. So Will, working through his own shock, tried to be supportive instead, (following the tips to support family and loved ones that survived rape as best as possible) knowing that Merlin would begin with his therapy on Monday and praying that the therapy would be the missing piece that Merlin needed to get better.  
  
"I want to be angry at some people right now and you will have to excuse me on that one because I really do. I want to fuck some people up but I don't know where to start. I want to be able to reverse time to prevent this from happening. I want to have been there to protect you like it used to be.” Will paused, ran a hand through his hair, and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down. “And I also want to thank Arthur for looking out for you. I never thought I'd see the day when I would say that." Will muttered that last part almost to himself before continuing. (Merlin didn't know whether to frown or chuckle at that last part). "I'll be honest, I didn't like him so much after that Mithian thing but I think he's proven how much he loves you." Maybe it had to do with the fact that Will didn't sugar coat things. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Will encouraged Merlin to talk. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Will did not baby him or make him to feel like some sort of science project, or that he wasn't afraid of Merlin's tantrums. Or maybe it was just _Will_ , but Merlin started to feel just a little better after talking to him.  
  
Whatever the case, when Hunith really needed something from Merlin. When it counted, she always went to Will and there must have been a reason for that.  


But on the subject of Arthur, guilt hit Merlin hard.  
  
"I practically attacked him last night Will." Merlin whispered, wringing his hands together.  
  
"Yeah, that you did." Will agreed, but couldn't help but think that he would love to have Freya attack him for some good angry sex. Its the best part of make up sex, Will thought reflecting on his and Freya's last make up sex moment.  
  
"Will! Can you stop thinking about your sex life and help me reflect on mine? And can you be a little bit more supportive here and not so quick to agree." Merlin pushed Will hard on the shoulder (like the little spoiled brat brother that he can be) bringing Will back to the present. They knew each other way too well.  
  
After the image of Will and Freya fucking in the back seat of their Bentley on the side of the highway after leaving her parents house fighting -and they made up – unbidden, came to mind and left. Will shook his head to respond, "What, you wanted me to lie? No, you don't, otherwise you wouldn't have told me."  
  
"Fine," Merlin couldn't disagree there, "What do I do?"  
  
"I think on some level you knew he wouldn't turn you down anyway. Like you are quite aware of your hold on him."  
  
"I wasn't trying to take advantage of him like that, Will." Merlin replied running a hand through his hair in pure frustration.  
  
"I'm not saying that you were. I'm saying that you have the ability to do so though. At least that's what I've gathered by all this. I guess you will just have to turn that bad experience around into a good one." Will sighed, really not wanting to talk about gay sex with his best mate and brother, but it was _Merlin_ , and so there they were doing exactly that. "He knows what you've been going through, Merlin. I'm pretty sure that he also knows that you weren't yourself."  
  
"But I don't want him to feel like I can't be intimate with him. Will, you don't know, I could sense it, even in our kisses as I got to the point for more, I can sense his hesitation. And when I asked for it last night, he flatly turned it down."  
  
"Well, in that regard you should have respected those wishes but its a little too late for that.” (Merlin frowned but Will continued) “But did you ever think that his hesitance has less to do with him and more to do with you?"  
  
"Well, shouldn't I have say so in the matter of my own sex life with my own boyfriend to determine when I am ready to have sex again?"  
  
Will hesitated and nodded, "To some extent yes, but you are in a relationship Merlin. And not with those tossers you had before, a real grown up relationship and relationships are about making those decisions together. If you disagree with a decision its something you should talk about and not guilt someone into it." Will finished and took a long gulp of his beer. And yes, Will could also be incredibly honest at times Merlin thought _. But didn't he ask for that?_  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
When Arthur made it back to Pendragon it wasn't a surprise to him to hear high heeled shoes clanking in the background behind knowing the sound of those feet for the sound that it was, Morgana. He was slightly tempted to slam the door in her face when he opened his office door but knew there would be consequences and repercussions for those actions and he was not sure that he was prepared for what the consequences and repercussions would be. He chose to glare at her instead.  
  
"Morgana."  
  
"Oh, don't be such a sour puss, I just wanted to check up on you. You said you were meeting Hunith."  
  
"I did."  
  
"And?"  
  
Arthur made it to his desk and Morgana sat on the other side of it sitting down in her pencil three piece suit with a skirt that was a little too short for the office environment. Arthur slung the brochures and the tapes on his desk. Morgana's reaction did not show surprise.  
  
Arthur assessed her, "You knew?"  
  
"No, I didn't know. But I got the impression that Hunith liked you and I knew that if she did she would make sure that both of you were taken care of."  
  
"You can be almost prescient at times, almost." Arthur responded adjusting his tie.  
  
"So can you."  
  
Arthur didn't know if he agreed with that but didn't respond. He said instead, "I signed up for group counseling." He waited to see what Morgana's reaction would be, not sure of what it would be.  
  
Morgana smiled, "Well good for you. I know that I pushed for Merlin to go to therapy but I think it is just as important for loved ones to know what they are up against too."  
  
"Why didn't you say anything before. I didn't even know that you went." Arthur was a little hurt by that. It showed.  
  
"I didn't know how you would have responded. And as far as me going, you know that its not something that our family does. Its almost frowned upon. I just wanted to help Merlin and was at a loss, it was the only option that I had but I never did a broadcast of it." (Arthur nodded) "What we learned did help though and I don't think I would have been as supportive if I didn't get the help when I did."  
  
"So you are for the group counseling?" Arthur asked like he needed some confirmation.  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
"Good."  
  
Morgana smiled again, rose out of her seat, and smoothed down her suit before walking over to Arthur's side of the desk and giving him a hug and a kiss on the forehead. "Everything is going to work out. I won't say it will be easy because that would be a lie but I believe in you two, it will work out." Morgana leaned up, tender moment gone. "Oh, and don't forget, we have an emergency pub night tomorrow night. Apparently there are at least three announcements to be made and you know the rule on that."  
  
Arthur rolled his eyes, "Can't I go back on hiatus for pub nights again?"  
  
Morgana rolled her eyes back in response, "Nope, and I already called Merlin and he accepted."  
  
"Traitor!"  
  
"You love me anyway."  
  
Arthur scowled at Morgana, "Your supposed to be _my_ sister."  
  
"And I am, and I am doing this for your best interest. You need to get out. This will be good for all of us. A good relaxing atmosphere and fun among friends. We all need that."   
  
Arthur couldn't disagree on that, "Fine."  
  
Morgana said nothing else because she was out of his office before Arthur got the word 'fine' out. She loved to have the final say.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Arthur couldn't focus on work for the rest of the day. He tried. He looked through projections, struggled through some conference calls, and worked on speeches that needed to be written for the upcoming International Conference and for the trip to New York. It was undecided whether he or Uther would be the one going to represent Pendragon but either way Arthur was the one who wrote the speeches. Uther decided long ago that Arthur wrote the better speeches between the two of them.  
  
Arthur couldn't help but look through the pamphlets of the does and don't to help loved ones that have been raped. In some ways he was happy to know that he was doing some of the things already.  
  
He has apologized profusely, he always tells Merlin that it wasn't his fault, and he always offers to listen if Merlin wants to talk.  
  
In others ways he also sees where he could have done better. Like the other night. He sees that he shouldn't have assumed the time line for when Merlin wanted to be touched again. Apparently rape victims respond differently when it comes to this. And some want - need- to be touched. And Merlin was practically begging for this and Arthur wanted to push him away. Arthur felt angry with himself while still feeling torn by how he felt as he went through the mix of emotions at the time.  
  
Arthur doesn't think he pities Merlin though maybe Merlin may think that he is being pitied with everyone walking on egg shells around him. And then there was a big 'Don't' on trying to solve all problems for a rape victim. The pamphlet was clear in stating that the victim has had their control taken away from them and to try to avoid doing that again. Arthur bristled at that because in some ways he has been taking control. Trying to make things easier for Merlin and trying to solve all problems and most of the time without consulting Merlin at all. Merlin's whole recovery process has been planned out and Merlin has not actually made any decisions regarding it at all with the exception of the Psychotherapy and he had people pushing him to do that as well. Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. There was also a big 'Don't' on demanding to know every detail of the rape or abuse and he knows that though he hasn't demanded, Merlin knows that Arthur wants to know. And Arthur really does want to know. That was another big point to all of this.  
  
Arthur read further to read that he was considered a secondary survivor and though he knew this, it was good to have it confirmed when the pamphlet stated that he would also be affected. It also explained why his own emotions were going haywire and why last night effected him the way that it had. Arthur sees now why he reacted as he had internally, though the feelings were still there, he should not have thought of sex with Merlin as being so degrading. In thinking all of these things Arthur saw that Hunith did put him in the right direction because it was advised to consider seeking therapy but not the same therapist as your loved one (another thing that Hunith thought of). It stated to aim to be supportive but not overbearing. Something Arthur thought he failed at on some level. And the one thing he knew he failed at was the tip of not being afraid of the silence. Because he was and reading this only confirms that.  
  
The pamphlets even referenced flashbacks and panic attacks. Things that Merlin does not talk about but Arthur sees that he is living through. Those are the times when Merlin really wants to be alone. Arthur was glad to read that there were some things that he could do for Merlin like:  
  
Remind Merlin of where he is during a panic attack. Advise him to take deep breaths and possibly discuss medication as a type of treatment with his psychotherapist. It also advised something else that was on Arthur's mind. It advised that he should volunteer to accompany Merlin to his first session with his therapist. It was something that Arthur wanted to do. But not something that Arthur thought Merlin _would_ _want_ him to do.  
  
For the flashbacks there were a lot more tips from looking out for triggers, reminding the victim (Merlin) that what he saw was the past and that he was safe. Turning on soft lights, and so forth. But the one tip that Arthur took to heart was to get to know what works or doesn't work for Merlin. Because he was not a case study. His experience like any other victim was unique and the same techniques may or may not apply to him. He learned that pushing Merlin to talk about it could also be triggering these flashbacks to the forefront. And though this did not had to be told to Arthur, it said that emotions felt during the rape or abuse may be present now. Apparently, patience was the key.   
  
The pamphlets alone explained a lot and Arthur began to think that, maybe, that group therapy thing was something necessary after all.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  


Dinner was a lot – less – tense at the table this evening Hunith thought to herself. And she had to admit she outdid herself. For starters Hunith made couscous-stuffed peppers, for the main course she whipped together a Teriyaki salmon stir-fry with wasabi sauce, and for dessert, a rhubarb and blood orange crumble. Of course she prepped half of the menu the day before (and Arthur and Merlin's kitchen was like a grocery store), but who needed to know that.

She saw a difference in Merlin at the dinner table. She saw a little of his shine and some of his charms. He even helped her prepare the dessert and was a lot more attentive to Arthur than she has seen since she arrived. He was looking at Arthur like he was searching for something, almost asking for something but was afraid to ask. She decided to file those thoughts for later because it could be nothing, but then again, it could be something.

Hunith noticed that Arthur didn't share that he went to the crisis center with her but maybe that was something that would be discussed later. She also noticed that Merlin did not disclose that Will came over either. Like Arthur would be jealous or something. She rolled her eyes internally and felt like knocking one or both of them over the heads or better yet, knock their heads together. Maybe some sense could be knocked into it. Communication was going to be key in all of this. 

She knows the recovery process can be different for each victim and in some ways this was worse for Merlin but in other ways she can see him overcoming this quicker. But its going to depend on if he opens up. And that... that was always the hardest thing for Merlin.

But Hunith decided to have a little hope after thinking about the short discussion she and Merlin had after dinner when Merlin came into the kitchen and helped her with the dishes while she was still tidying up. It was after they were done that he leaned in and gave her a big hug.

 __  
"Mum."  
  
"Yes, dear."  
  
  


“ _I just – wanted – to thank you, for everything." For always being there, for supporting, for being my mum, for knowing to send Will, for coming, for not giving up on me, for not letting me give up on myself, for seeing the things that I can't see, for everything._  
  
"Your welcome.” Hunith ran a hand through Merlin's hair. "Don't worry about the rest of this (waving a hand at the remaining things that needed to be tidied in the kitchen), I'll take care of it. Why don't you focus a little on repairing whatever rift there is between you and Arthur."  
  
Merlin just looked at her, surprised, “There's nothing going on between Arthur and I.” Merlin paused and looked at his mother, considering, “Has someone told you anything?”

“ _Maybe that's the problem.” Hunith replied knowingly to Merlin's first sentence. And they both knew that she was not talking about sex. In fact, Hunith still shivers to this day every time she remembers talking to Merlin about the birds and the bees. His questions were too much on target. And then when he came out she had to start it up all again. Thank god Will was there to fill in the blanks for Merlin. Hunith shook her head minutely at the thought, and shuddered internally before continuing "No one had to say anything, its there, like a physical barrier. Go and fix it." Hunith shooed Merlin away._

 _Merlin whole demeanor changed all of a sudden, he stood up straighter, squared his shoulders, and raised his chin, before responding, “You know what, I think I will.” Merlin half - smiled and kissed Hunith on the cheek, told her good night, and headed to his bedroom. Hunith almost felt sorry for Arthur, almost, she doesn't think Arthur has anything idea of what a determined Merlin can do yet. She guesses he will soon for out by the look in Merlin's eyes._  
  
No matter what Merlin ever goes through Hunith always knows that if there is a problem that Merlin may have caused, something that is important to him, something that needs correcting, she can always rely on him to fix it. Its always been that simple. But she wouldn't encourage him if she didn't have the feeling that it was bothering Merlin too and that it was the right thing to do.  
  
  


 _Hunith_ got herself a glass of wine, grabbed some crisps, called Will to tell him thank you, and turned in for the night. Trying to make it out of dodge before there were things heard or seen that she couldn't unhear or unsee later if the look in Merlin's eyes told her anything.

__________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please share your thoughts on the chapter. 
> 
> Coming up Next:
> 
> Merlin tries to make some things right.  
> Pub Night and Lots of Announcements.


	33. The Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin attempts to make things right.  
> The gang meets up for mandatory pub night. Lots of announcements go around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always reread a chapter after I reply to a comment the first time and I realized that I posted the unedited version for the last chapter. I saved it in two forms, I most have been really tired last night when I posted. Needless to say, I went ahead and posted the corrected version for the chapter. You don't have to reread it but it does have a lot more to it. I always add more when I edit and my editing moments is also to add more of the feelings and thoughts to the chapter as well. My apologies for posting the wrong one though. And I did like the original post too. Its just when I reread I immediately knew that something was missing. Sorry for the inconvenience there. But this chapter is posted with the right version. And I posted early as an apology.

_No matter what Merlin ever goes through Hunith always knows that if there is a problem that Merlin may have caused, something that is important to him, something that needs correcting, she can always rely on him to fix it. Its always been that simple. But she wouldn't encourage him if she didn't have the feeling that it was bothering Merlin too and that it was the right thing to do.  
_

_Hunith got herself a glass of wine, grabbed some crisps, called Will to tell him thank you, and turned in for the night. Trying to make it out of dodge before there were things heard or seen that she couldn't unhear or unsee later if the look in Merlin's eyes told her anything._

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Chapter 32

 

Arthur was so exhausted his body ached. His mind, his emotions, have been so twisted over the past few weeks, and at war with the other just over the past few days alone, leaving him in a state of utter confusion. He shook his head to himself as he walked to his and Merlin's bedroom and started stripping along the way to go to the shower. Merlin was different tonight. The thought made Arthur smile. He couldn't quite place it but Merlin seemed.... more at ease with being in his own skin this time. He even ate a little more without attempting to deceive them at the dinner table by spreading his food around in his plate and just taking in bits and pieces to appease them. And he actually _looked_ like he rested. Yes, there was a definitely a difference, Arthur thought as he rubbed a hand over his brow. Arthur then remembered what happened the night before and immediately shuddered in himself. It wasn't something Arthur thought he would be getting over anytime soon. And then unbidden, Arthur thought back to the conversation that he had with the rape survivor at the Rape Crisis Center.

“ _When is a safe time-frame to wait before being intimate again with your lover after a rape?” Arthur asked timidly. He was happy that Hunith gave him a few minutes alone to speak with Melissa. This was not a discussion he wanted to have in his boyfriend's – partner's - mother's presence._

 _Melissa looked thoughtful at first and looked at Arthur, really looked at him, searching for something at first before responding,“It depends on the rape, the circumstances, the damage done, the doctor's recommendations, but most importantly, it depends on_ the survivor _.” Melissa stated, and then shared some of her personal thoughts and feelings. Melissa went on to tell Arthur that though she couldn't speak for all since every situation was different she herself, did not wait long in between acts before being intimate with her husband again. She went on to say that with her spouse she needed to know that sex was not something that should be feared. That she needed to be reminded of that, and needed to feel safe again._

Arthur thought back to Merlin, and uninvited, the words from Merlin the night before came back along with the image of pain in Merlin's eyes.

_"Arthur, I need to forget, forget it all. Please-"_

Arthur didn't know what to think as he turned on the spray in the shower, mixing in the hot and cold water together to the right temperature. Arthur thought it was best to set a time-frame (Arthur always was one who would set goals), it had nothing to do with the fact that Merlin was with someone else – or maybe it _did_ on some level – but it did have everything to do with Merlin having some time to process what had happened to him. To heal. Arthur thought it was for the best. Arthur clinched his jaw and bit down on his bottom lip, hard. While Arthur was trying to get Merlin to process his thoughts Merlin was just trying to forget, to seek comfort. Arthur went into the shower and allowed the water to run down his face. The pressure from the spray was stinging, yet surprisingly comforting. Arthur allowed the water to run down his hair and he could feel the pressure even on his back and the tight knots there. It was a joint decision to make, but it still didn't take away the feelings Arthur got from it while it happened.

Arthur heard when the bathroom door open. And it only took a second later before the shower door was opened. Arthur froze.

Merlin was naked, and he looked extremely nervous. He shifted his weight from foot to foot for a minute ducking his head and raising it again before asking, pointing to the shower with Arthur in it, “Can I?” _And even after everything how could Arthur turn Merlin down? It was an unfathomable impossibility. Never could happen, not on any day. Arthur wouldn't even know how to part his lips to do it, not when Merlin looked like that._ Arthur's mouth was speaking before he thought of a reply, “Yes.” His body was moving without consent as he moved a little to allow room though their shower was supposed to be big enough for four people, _not that Arthur tested that out to know._

Merlin maintained eye contact as he reached for the cloth and lathered it, “Can I?” Merlin repeated. Arthur just stood there, dumbfounded, but found himself once again complying. Arthur didn't know why he was reacting this way. Why he felt so out of place for in the moment. When he shouldn't be. But when Merlin touched Arthur on his chest Arthur gasped letting out a breath that he unknowingly withheld.

"I'm... I'm sorry about last night.. I know that you have been hearing that a lot lately so I am not going to go on and on about it right now. Instead... I just decided that I wanted to take this moment to tell you just how much you mean to me. Can you give me that?” Merlin whispered.

“Merlin.” Arthur didn't know why he called Merlin's name. He just did.

“Please.” Merlin spoke low, it was seductive. And Arthur found himself saying yes.

Merlin was still running the cloth on Arthur's chest, running it through the hair there, the muscle.

Merlin leaned in and gave Arthur a tender kiss on his lips before nibbling on Arthur's bottom lip. 

 

He leaned in again and kissed each corner of Arthur's mouth before sliding their lips together and then running of tongue over Arthur's mouth. When Arthur opened his mouth to allow Merlin to play Merlin tasted Arthur's tongue dueling for about five seconds before pulling away. Arthur chased it but missed.

 

Merlin was walking around Arthur slowly while Arthur waited in anticipation. Merlin put his arms around Arthur from behind and rested his chest to Arthur's back and sucked on the nape of Arthur's throat. Just lip and tongue, no teeth, only suction.

 

He whispered in Arthur's ear, “I needed to feel you. I needed to make sure that you were real. That you were still mine.” Arthur shivered.

 

What Arthur didn't know is Merlin needed this. He needed this moment not just to make things right for Arthur but to make things right for himself. And _yes_ , Merlin was nervous as hell, but if there was anyone that could push him there, to make this right, it was Arthur. So Merlin talked his way through, meant every word, and gave into every desire that he every felt for the blonde hair, blue eyed, god-like, beautiful man that stood before him.

 

Merlin walked about around to face Arthur leaning in forehead to forehead, nose to nose, eyelashes to eyelashes. It was an innocent gesture, but it felt indecent.

 

Merlin walked around again and leaned in on Arthur's side from the back and began to nibble Arthur's ear, sucking the lobe, and sucking the soft spot on the back of Arthur's ear. “I wanted to feel you inside me. To remind myself that I belong to you and to you only.” Arthur moaned and Merlin felt Arthur shiver.

 

Merlin walked around to Arthur's front again and gave Arthur a gentle kiss again, before deepening the kiss and he didn't wait for permission for Arthur's tongue this time as he plunged into Arthur's mouth getting full access and the kiss was filthy and Merlin explored Arthur's mouth like he was searching for gold and it was the last area on earth to check.

 

“I love the way you taste.” Merlin continued the onslaught. And Arthur's eyes rolled back.

 

And Arthur didn't know if he could get any more turned on than he already had. He felt like he could come from Merlin's words and touches alone. _And his cock was untouched!_ And he knows what Merlin is doing, knows that they need this. Arthur decided to let him.

 

When Merlin looks in Arthur eyes, seeing them dark, pupils dilated, _hungry,_ Merlin leans in to say with a coy smile. "I love it when you look at me like that. It drives me crazy and makes me feel like I'm the most important person in your world. Like I matter.” (This was very important to Merlin because he never felt like he mattered in a relationship before and he still found it unreal on so many levels that Arthur would ever truly want him. Now, especially - after everything). Arthur looked like he wanted to reach to touch but kept his hands down. Merlin was going to make Arthur give in, challenge _accepted, Merlin thought,_ while Arthur thought he wanted _Merlin_ to feel like he was in control. Merlin continued.

 

Merlin walked slowly back to Arthur's front again and licked his lips, ducking his head slightly allowing his long dark eyelashes to sweep his face (wet from the water), before opening them half way so that that the blues of his eyes could mix with it. Arthur shuddered, and felt very, _very,_ hungry all of a sudden and it had nothing to do with food. _Just what was Merlin trying to do to him?_ And he knew Merlin was doing this on purpose. Arthur thought that the only thing Merlin was actually missing here was the fact that seduction was not necessary for him. And that was because Merlin was already a walking, talking, sex on legs before he even made an effort. _How did Merlin not know that? Arthur thinks he does._ Arthur couldn't talk, could barely move. Fortunately for them both, Merlin could, and he ran his arms up the length of Arthur's whispering, “Your arms make me feel safe.” Merlin continued slowly up to Arthur's shoulders, and to Arthur's neck running his hands in Arthur's hair slowly as he plunged back into Arthur's mouth again for a deep, long, sensual kiss. “I love touching you.” He kisses down Arthur's neck, moving side to side to kiss and nip Arthur's collarbones before alternating nibbling and rubbing Arthur's nipples with his thumbs.

 

“I never want to fear your touch.” Merlin reached out to take Arthur's withheld hands and placing them around his waist. "I love the feel of your hands on my skin.” Merlin kissed Arthur's right cheek. “I love the way that you touch me.” Merlin kissed Arthur's left cheek. “I think about you all the time and that need for you has never strayed.” Merlin swiped a tongue along Arthur's jaw and Arthur swallowed, hard. “I wanted to be reminded of it, how I want you all the time.” Merlin gave Arthur another tender kiss on the lips.

Merlin got out all of the words that he had been struggling to tell Arthur all along. He can visibly see the tension deflating in Arthur's body. And realizes on some level that Arthur needed to hear those words too. He watches on as Arthur's shoulders relax from its stiffened position. But he doesn't stop, not now when he is so close to bringing Arthur to the breaking point. 

 

Arthur's knees were starting to give out and Merlin catching that, walked Arthur back to the shower wall. No, Merlin did not stop but continued kissing, and sucking on Arthur's nipples. 

 

“Fuck, Merlin.” Arthur said, hoarse. “Merlin..I can't.”

 

Merlin didn't stop, only saying in reply, “Yes, yes you can, Arthur.” And kept going. Arthur banged his head to the shower wall and put his fist in his mouth as Merlin continued to advance sucking and tonguing Arthur's naval before moving down to the holy grail, Arthur's cock.

 

“Oh gods.” Arthur whispered with his fist still in his mouth. “Fuck me!” Arthur's cock was hard, so hard, leaking heavily, and it was so very hard for Arthur to stay in control. 

 

“Merlin looked up to Arthur, a picture of innocence. He winked at Arthur. (Merlin winked) And Arthur almost came right there. Merlin voice went deep, seductive.“We can get there too.” 

 

Arthur banged his head back again on the wall and repeated, “Fuck me!” And just what was Merlin trying to do to him and how was he supposed to respond to that?

 

And Arthur's mind was on sensual overload because every part of his body was like a live wire from the tip of his toes to the top of his head, _everything,_ felt like it was tingling. The only thing that he could think about was Merlin and Merlin refused to let up. This was nothing like the other night, this was simply about full on pleasure with all of the foreplay attached to it. Arthur didn't remember having foreplay like this before. And this Arthur thought for the first time in a while was all Merlin, Arthur didn't doubt it. 

 

Arthur braced himself on the shower wall and held on tight.

 

Merlin maintained eye contact with Arthur as he licked all around the head of Arthur's cock. He maintained eye contact as he licked up and down Arthur's cock while spit slid from the corner of his mouth, he maintained contact as he took Arthur's cock in whole.

 

Arthur could not break eye contact with Merlin. Not when Merlin was doing _things_ to him like this, and not when he was looking at Arthur like _that_. Like he loved him and like he could hang the sun and the moon on Arthur's will alone. And Arthur's insides felt like he was on fire, his skin felt electric, and Arthur thought he was beginning to see stars and spots, and he didn't even come yet. Merlin was hitting all of Arthur's sweet spots - and spots he didn't even know was sweet - all at once and Arthur did not know if he could control himself anymore. Didn't know if he _wanted to._

 

Merlin continued, he watched on as Arthur's mind kept doing its internal processing, knowing that Arthur was fighting against himself. Merlin needed Arthur to _let go_. It was just as important to Arthur as it was for Merlin. Something was there, and it needed to be removed, unrestrained, and Merlin was going to fix it.

 

Merlin lifted off of Arthur's cock and he could see Arthur's disapproval in the decision - even though he tried so hard to mask it - but Merlin fisted Arthur cock, using his wrist to turn it, to torture it. Merlin smiled at Arthur before taking in Arthur's balls, alternating....

 

And Merlin thought that yes, he may be still a lot broken, but Mordred and Valiant couldn't steal this from him any longer. They couldn't have this...

 

And then he did the thing that _always_ made Arthur lose control. In one swift movement, he started finger fucking Arthur at the same time that he took Arthur's cock back into his mouth.

 

“Awh, nngh! Fuck, Merlin!” Arthur very nearly did slide down the shower wall, fortunately, Merlin had one firm hand on Arthur's hip in anticipation of the action because Arthur was trying really hard to restrain himself but his body was involuntarily fucking in both directions not knowing what it wanted more between Merlin's fingers and Merlin's mouth. “MerlinMerlinMerlinMerlin.” Arthur continued chanting Merlin's name like a prayer with his head going from side to side, finally sliding his hands in Merlin's hair. And Merlin did not relent. He bobbed his head up and down on Arthur's cock, gave full pressure, sucked it like a suction, and hummed. 

 

And Arthur had to remember Hunith was in the house before he almost screamed. It was already bad enough he was making the noises that he was making. So instead, Arthur kept rotating from, “Oh my God!” to “Fuck me!” and “Shit, Merlin!”

 

Merlin wanted this, not just for Arthur but for himself too. He needed to feel all of Arthur, needed to take the sting a way. Maybe there was a such thing as - sexual healing -. Merlin continued on feasting on Arthur's cock and scissoring Arthur's hole. He then started straight finger fucking Arthur again but making sure to hit Arthur's prostate every other time. He never lost sight of Arthur and Arthur never lost sight of him.

 

Merlin was sure that he looked a wreck but Arthur looked _done for._ Between the shower water and Arthur's hands Arthur's hair was in all directions. Arthur's eyes seemed wide in shock but dominated by lust. But Merlin couldn't miss the love shining through either. Arthur had hickeys (courtesy of Merlin) on his neck, his chest, and his stomach. Merlin is sure if he turned Arthur around that he would find hickeys on Arthur's back as well. Arthur's chest was rising and falling quickly, his breath – completely - out of control, he looked adorable, beautiful, and _sexy as hell_. And simply put, he belonged to Merlin.

 

And two minutes later Merlin found himself drinking down all of Arthur's come, not leaving one bit to waste, and continuing to suck on until Arthur waved him off from the sensitivity of it. (Arthur was shattered). But Merlin didn't stop finger fucking Arthur though - nor did Arthur stop fucking back into those said three fingers -, and Merlin didn't stop licking around the area between the soft spot of Arthur's skin surrounding his cock and inner thigh. And Merlin didn't even know that his making those delicious sucking noises and humming sounds was driving Arthur crazy until Arthur tugged him up.

 

In fact Merlin didn't get a chance to think about it at all because the force that Arthur tugged him up with did not allow for Merlin to have time to think or react for that matter. Merlin found himself banged against the shower wall before either he or Arthur could think about it. Arthur came back to himself when he realized what he was did, but it was a very near thing.

 

When Arthur slammed Merlin against the shower tiles he immediately deflated and attempted to apologize. The fear was evident in Arthur's eyes when he fumbled in giving an apology before Merlin interrupted him.

 

“Arthur..Arthur stop!” Merlin used a hand to turn Arthur's chin to him to make Arthur look him in the eyes. “I don't want you to apologize for something that you _think_ may possibly bother me. If it does, I'll tell you so. I don't – want - you to hold back. I just want you.” Merlin nipped at Arthur's bottom lip, Arthur nipped back, his body immediately betraying him. “And I can't get better if I don't know what I need to work on and I won't know that if everyone is mollycoddling me.”

 

“Sorry” Arthur choked out, coming from his high, confused, and just a little bit lost.

 

Merlin smiled at Arthur and ran his tongue over Arthur's jaw, Arthur gasped out. “No more apologies, not in this.”

 

And Merlin captured Arthur's lips again for a kiss of the ages and this time, _this time_ , Arthur _finally_ lost control. 

  
  


They may not have made love when they got into to bed but...

They continued to kiss slowly, deeply, and in some ways painfully. They continued to slide and slide over each other, erections rubbing together slowly and skillfully, they continued to run their hands where ever skin could be found, and when they didn't do that they joined their hands together and continued to kiss only stopping when air was necessary. They rolled on the bed and Merlin felt free. Arthur touched Merlin and Merlin didn't think he could love him anymore. And they continued to rub up against the other, continued to _come_. And when they were finished...

They did sleep cuddled together.

And they did wake up still in each others arms. And for the first time since they got back, wrapped in Arthur's arms, for the first time in weeks, Merlin felt _at home_.

They still looked as in love as they were from the first time they were together in Arthur's bed. And as Merlin and Arthur locked gazes Merlin couldn't help but think once again, yep at home.

And for Merlin and Arthur – that was considered progress made, _for now._

  
  


* * * Pub Night * * *

Everyone arrived at the pub at or around 8pm. Morgana and Leon were the first to arrive followed by Gwen and Lancelot, Percival and Mithian, Merlin and Arthur, Gwaine and Elena, and lastly Elyan and Vivian.

And though no one could miss all the hickies that were displayed on Arthur's neck, no one said a word. Though Arthur couldn't miss the sideways glances that were sent his way when they thought he didn't know the wiser. And frankly, Arthur didn't care, he felt, _owned_.

With everyone practically starving they placed their orders. Gwaine ordered the Corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, and onions saute'ed. Elena ordered the Steak meat, mushrooms, and gravy in a flaky pie crust, served with chips. Percival ordered the Shredded corned beef with sauerkraut and thousand island dressing on rye with chips while Mithian had the Shredded chicken, carrots, onions, peas, and gravy in a flaky pie crust, served with chips. For Elyan, he ordered the Ground beef and vegetables covered with mashed potatoes and cheese, served with chips and for Vivian, the Ground beef, shredded turnips, and potatoes in a flaky pie crust, served with chips. Lance wanted to try the Toasted bread smothered in Newcastle Brown Ale cheese sauce, served with chips while Gwen being famished ordered the Scottish pork bangers served with Mashed potatoes. Leon ordered 2 Scottish pork rolls served on a bed on mashed potatoes and Deep fried potatoes served with malt vinegar. While Morgana had, like Vivian, ordered the Ground beef, shredded turnips, and potatoes in a flaky pie crust, served with chips. And Merlin and Arthur were being more traditional in ordering, ordering the Fried spicy chicken wings and drumsticks served with celery and British style potato wedges served with spicy beer cheese. The table was silent at first while everyone ate their fill.  
  
And for dessert, everyone ordered the Strawberry English Trifle, it was a house favorite. And the drinks kept a coming. Unbeknownst to everyone but Gwen and Lance, Gwen was drinking sparkling water.  
  
And though they were trying to be discreet about it all. Merlin and Arthur's tension was there for all to see, but marginally better than before. And Morgana didn't fail to notice, along with the hickies, the several aborted attempts from Arthur to take Merlin's hand before Merlin took Arthur's hand in his own, twining their fingers together. And that despite the tension, that Merlin and Arthur both positively glowed, she counted that as progress. But all and all, the gang attempted to compensate for any awkwardness by making their own several announcements in a prologue of more happier times to come.  
  
"So,” Morgana cleared her throat before continuing, “We have a night of good news ahead of us. Who's going to go first?" Morgana inquired while watching everyone. She knew some of the announcements but not all of them. She only knew that the quota of three was made which prompted a mandatory pub night for celebration as agreed amongst them all in their uni time years ago. It was a pledge as a group that they would always be there for the other outside of their normal weekly pub nights. Hence, this meeting being held on a Friday instead of a Sunday. Even Uther understood the importance of mandatory pub night as it trumped his normal Friday night Pendragon dinner at the mansion. It was one of the only things Uther allowed to trump his Friday night dinners, that and the exception of being out of town, critically ill, or having an 'accidental' injury.  
 ****  
(First Announcement)  
  
  


“Well--" Mithian started and then looked to Percival shyly taking his hand.  
  
Percival smiled at Mithian, "Mithian and I have decided to move in together." he finished for her. "We found a beautiful flat not far from you two actually (pointing to Arthur and Merlin), and broke our leases to our current ones. We are set to move in by the end of the month. And yes, we will be needing every ones help for the move." Percival added with a smile leaving no room for argument with the helping part.  
  
"Free whiskey?" Gwaine questioned.  
  
"Free food?" Lance added.  
  
"Barbecue?" Leon raised a brow.  
  
"Free alcohol and a barbecue, how does that sound?" Percival asked smiling at his friends.  
  
"Deal." Everyone said in unison.  
  
"Congratulations you two, its about time." Morgana said, genuinely, "Who's next?" As everyone downed their drinks in hand in conclusion of the first announcement before getting another round in preparation of the second. They always had fresh drinks on hand for every new announcement because they never knew how good, how bad, or how shocking the news was going to be. _It was always better to be safe than sorry._  
  
 **(Second Announcement)**  
  
Elena was practically beaming and Gwaine started smiling and Morgana and Gwen sat straighter in their chairs in automatic response. It was Gwen that said, "Is it?"  
  
Elena started nodding with a big grin on her face and she took Gwaine's hand in hers before saying, "Gwaine asked me to marry him!"  
  
The men of the group were shocked, Gwaine was settling down.  
  
The women shrieked, immediately saying, "Details now!"  
  
Elena looked to Gwaine, she was bubbling at the surface and it was clear that she really wanted to be the one to give the details. Gwaine just smiled at her and with a hand gesture that said, 'by all means,' and Elena was off.  
  
"Shortly after you guys returned from your trip and I got back home from Lance and Gwen's (looking to Lance and Gwen for a second) I went home to see that Gwaine was packing up for us. He said that he had a surprise for me and to help him pack up for the next three days and to pack for the cold.” (Elena took a sip of her drink pausing for dramatic effect) “Well, naturally I asked about the horse farm and who was going to tend to everything while we were going to be gone and Gwaine just said that he made all of the calls already. He was being very evasive and he even refused to tell me where we were going at first. In fact he didn't tell me until we were in the air. When we joined the mile high club!” (And that was not for the guys' benefit because they cringed while the women 'awed') “He told me to get my rest because my surprise was going to happen shortly after our flight landed. (Elena was bouncing in her chair, Gwaine just continued to smile, just loving Elena's energy)  
  
“So, as soon as we landed Gwaine had arranged for a driver to meet us and to take us to the first place that Gwaine took me on our first official date as a couple.” (Elena almost shrieked and paused again for dramatic effort) “He took me to The Wollman Ice Skating Rink at the Northern side of Central Park in New York!”  
  
Gwaine interjected needing to add something, "Ice skating is Elena's second favorite past time with the exception of horse riding." _Oh, and sex, Gwaine thought silently but did not add._  
  
The ladies of the table started awing while the men thought that was good points in Gwaine's favor. Gwaine just nudged Elena to continue.  
  
"We got there just before midnight and apparently Gwaine had this planned because the skating rink itself was closed off as private for just the two of us. About five minutes after we started skating Gwaine pulls me to the center of the rink. And then a band starts playing, 'Marry You' by Bruno Mars. You know the song.” (The women at the table all nodded) I almost started to go into shock from that alone but then Gwaine does one better and gets down on one knee right there in the center of the rink!" Elena did shriek.  
  
"She almost fell in shock so I had to pull her down on that one knee." Gwaine added as the couple looked into the others' eyes.  
  
"But you caught me," Elena whispered and gave a private smile to Gwaine before continuing. "Gwaine pulled out a purple velvet box, flips it open, and says.." (Elena took another sip of her drink right in the middle of her sentence for the continued suspense. It was obvious this meant the world to her and Gwaine' shining eyes showed that he was feeling the same). "I think its more than high time that I made an honest woman out of you, my lady. Tell me that you want to marry me too." Elena paused again and said, "So, with that said,” (Elena tosses herself forward and raises her hand with the engagement ring for all to see). "Gwaine and I are engaged!" Elena concluded loudly. And the pub, not just the table, erupts. Because everyone knew and loved Gwaine. And if Gwaine found someone to settle down with that meant Elena must be pretty damned special. There was congratulations and cheers' going all around and even Jerry the bartender gave a round of drinks to everyone in the pub - on the house - in celebration of Gwaine and Elena's engagement.  
  
And of course the women wanted to see Elena's ring and Elena had no problem showing the bling of her 2.36ctw Natural Cushion Cut Halo Pave Engagement Ring, shaped like a Princess Diamond, with small Round cut diamonds outlining the main diamond and cascading the sides. The ring itself was 18 karat white gold band three rings fused into one. _It was gorgeous._ And it prompted everyone to think that Gwaine must have had this move planned for some time. It was much too thought out while at the same time spontaneous.  
  
"So when I spoke with you two days ago, you were--" Morgana had to ask.  
  
"In New York." Gwaine supplied.  
  
Everyone had two rounds of drinks in the celebration and conclusion of the second announcement before moving on to the third wondering what could top that.  
  
They didn't have to wait long...  
  
 ****  
(Third and Final Announcement.. Well, so they thought.)  
  
  
"Congratulations, is there any more good news to go around while we are here celebrating?" Morgana inquired cheerfully.  
  
  
Gwen was so lost in the moment of everyone else's happiness that she could not help but share her and Lance's own news. "Hold up! We've got one more announcement to add to the list. Guess what everyone, (Gwen grabs Lance's hand), Lance and I are having another baby!" Gwen said proudly. And Leon turned and glowered at Morgana. Of course he would never embarrass her by saying his thoughts out loud or by storming away. No, not Leon, but if looks could _kill_? Let's just say that Morgana would be incinerated on the floor somewhere or would have disappeared altogether from her demise. Morgana took ten seconds (while everyone was shouting merrily unbeknownst to anything happening around them) to close her eyes. Morgana _loves_ Gwen, she really, _really_ does. Gwen was _perfect_. The _perfect_ wife, the _perfect_ friend, the _perfect_ mother, just _perfect in just about everything_. Gwen could _literally_ do no wrong. She even had a chance with _Arthur_ in the beginning of their uni days. Though that went to shit and fast when they found out Arthur's sexual preference choice (after he owned up to it himself - _and then -_ made it known to them), but still, she _did_. And if Arthur wasn't gay, well let's just say that Morgana was pretty sure that Gwen would have been a Pendragon instead of a Da Luc (Merlin would _never_ have been able to stand a chance, Not if Gwen wanted something bad enough). But even in Gwen's perfectness sometimes, _sometimes_ , Gwen could be the type of person that Morgana would really, _really_ love to hate. Did that make her evil? _Or just human?_ Gwen knew full well what was going on between her and Leon and she picked this time, _now_ (and Morgana was pretty sure Gwen just found out) to share her news? Could you rub the salt in the wound anymore? No, (Morgana shook her head internally). Morgana was better than this, she's a Pendragon dammit! She _will_ pick herself up (she thought to herself), she _will_ put on her biggest smile, and she _will_ celebrate like this is the best thing since the invention of cotton candy. She is better than this and this is still Gwen and Lance's special moment. And they are still two of her best friends.

 

Morgana stood up - the gang no wiser of Morgana's internal dilemma - Morgana called for refills all around (now noticing that Gwen was drinking water) before saying, "Everyone grab a glass." Morgana beams proudly at her friends. Once again averting Leon's eyes. "Congratulations to Gwen and Lance." and everyone raised their glasses saying, "Here, here!" It was going to be another cold night in bed alone, Morgana thought to herself while drinking her wine.  
  
Arthur was tempted to advise Lance to have Gwen get to work on shutting down her factory after this child is born. Especially after the hell Gwen put him through during the pregnancy and the delivery of the twins. He kept his thoughts to himself. He knew Gwen could be vengeful and could possibly attempt to shut down 'his' factory. Arthur felt the sudden urge to adjust his cock in his pants just thinking about it. Arthur quickly dismissed the thought from his mind. There were some things that Lance would just have to learn on his own, _the hard way._ Maybe after he's had half of the Brady Bunch.  
  
  


Arthur got up and gave the happy couple big hugs congratulating them. On his way back to his seat he squeezed Morgana's shoulder - almost painfully - while yet, discreetly. She looked up to him to see he was raising an eyebrow coolly (it was a half raise). She just shook her head, _it was a twitch (it meant not now)_. His eyes narrowed slightly with an expression that basically said that they would be talking later, Morgana blinked ( _it meant fine)_. And Arthur gave her the tiniest nod before returning back to his seat. The whole exchange occurred in less than five seconds. It was a gesture that no one would be the wiser of but meant everything to Morgana and Arthur as it was their language when they were in sync with the other. It also made Morgana painfully aware that hers and Leon's problems were becoming more recognizable for others to see. It made her feel like a failure as a wife and as a woman. But to be fair to herself, she and Arthur could always sense the others pain when it got to the breaking point. And in that same token this only means that she _is_ getting to the breaking point which is bad news for her. Morgana sighed inwardly, there was nothing that she could do about it now. This was Gwen and Lance's moment after all. No, nothing that she could do at all but pretend that everything was just _peachy_. So to continue with the charade, Morgana tipped her glass to her lips and swallowed the then half full glass of wine in one gulp before calling for yet another refill but not before she switched her drink request to whiskey. And gave her friends big hugs in celebration of their news.  
  


**(Forth and Final Announcement)**  


Elyan felt like his news didn't even hold a candle to everyone else' news (And though the gang kept their thoughts to themselves, neither did they) but he said it anyway. Though Elyan began to think that those type of special announcements should have another equally special night to be made at. "I made my decision to study Forensic medicine at the doctorate level to go for my PHD." He had more to say but didn't think it was as important now. Vivian squeezed his knee under the table and smiled at him.  
  
And the gang did the only thing they could do. They got up, gave praises, and had another drink in full celebration, because that's what friends are for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like this chapter? The Merthur moment and the mandatory pub night? I want to here from you?
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> Merlin's first official therapy session.
> 
> Reviews and Kudos are my friends.


	34. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Hunith have an important conversation.  
> Merlin goes to his first psychotherapy session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not entirely pleased with this chapter. It feels like there is something missing so I am really interested in knowing what you think. With that said, please read, enjoy, and share your thoughts in the form of a review in the end. Thank you.

With the week behind him Merlin now finds himself on his way to his first official psychotherapy appointment set for the next 8-weeks. Though they did say that it could be shorter or longer depending on Merlin's own progress. Merlin and Arthur decided that it may be best for both of them to appear for the first visit. Deep down, Merlin wanted to go alone, but he realized that he had been hurting Arthur a lot lately and he knew that this first visit meant something to him. Merlin could see it in his eyes. Just like he could see the hurt in those same eyes every time Merlin snapped at him, withdrew from him, or wanted to be alone. And just as he saw those things he also knows that Arthur doesn't want him to. And therefore Merlin wants to try. Merlin also knows that Arthur decided to go to group therapy. Though it was not something that Arthur mentioned to him. He learned that little tidbit from his mother on Sunday, the last day of her visit before she returned home.

  
 _"He loves you, Merlin." Hunith smiled proudly at her son._  
  
Merlin looked to his mother and something wells up inside him. "I know."  
  
"It reminds me of the love that you're father and I had for each _other."_  
  
 _"I love him too."_  
  
 _"I know that you do, my boy." Merlin thinks he will be 40 and his mother will still call him 'my boy.'_  
  
 _Hunith and Merlin were at the park not far from the manor. The same park that Arthur took Merlin to on their first real date. Though he could not think about some of the things he and Arthur did on their first official date, not with his mother sitting right beside him. Hunith and Merlin were sitting on the bench feeding the ducks small pieces of bread. The day was beautiful and the sky still spun a rainbow from the nights rain. The clouds were white like cotton candy as well just as the sky beheld its blue and in the mist of that, a flock of birds were passing overhead. Fortunately for them there were no droppings falling as the birds past by. There were an awful lot of birds that did pass by. Merlin looked ahead to the ducks before asking, almost hesitantly._  
  
 _"Do you think we will make it?" Something that was obviously bothering him._  
  
 _Hunith looked at her son. Looked at how his shoulders were drooped and his head was bowed down, how his heart was heavy. She took his left hand in hers and slid their fingers together before responding. "I think you can make it through anything if you are willing to work hard for it, and if you keep yourself open to the other. I think communication is a big key and sometimes sacrifice will be necessary in deciding whats more important. Once you do that your love will find a way to do the rest." And Hunith truly believed that._  
  
 _Merlin looked like he was struggling for the words, visibly shaking his head. He looked so innocent to Hunith, almost, too innocent in this light. "But after everything I've been through..." Merlin could not finish the words._  
  
 _"You are wondering if he will want to stick it out, if he can, if you are worth it, or if you will push him away?" Hunith knew this, not only because Merlin is her son but also because rape survivors ask the same questions in one way or another when they are in a relationship or are contemplating one. And she sensed that was a lingering problem for her son._  
  
 _Merlin nodded, head still down._  
  
 _Hunith gently dropped Merlin's left hand to place her arm around his shoulder, squeezing it before continuing. "I think you know how much Arthur loves you. I think your heart has already given you that answer but that you are afraid because it is something new, and something that you have never had before in a relationship. And at the risk of angering you I am going to say this anyway." Hunith paused before continuing, "I think that you allowed Valiant to make you feel for so long that you were worthless that some of those doubts and feelings are still lingering just below the surface and those same feelings make you doubt Arthur's loyalty and love to you on some level which forces you to push him away. It's a fear mechanism." (And Hunith counted it as progress since Merlin did not flinch this time at the mention of Valiant's name). "But I only needed to spend ten minutes with Arthur to know that he is not Valiant and that he only wants what is best for you. He loves you dearly, Merlin. I think he will be there for the long haul. It is what you do next that determines if he stays." Hunith pulled Merlin's head to her and gave him a kiss on the forehead before continuing. "I can also see that he is arrogant and has a tendency to control but I think that is partially due to the way he was raised after seeing his family. Morgana has the same tendency and now that I've met Uther, I can see where they both got it from. " Hunith chuckles and Merlin nods slowly in agreement. He could not disagree on that part. "But just as much as he is controlling I also see how he is trying so hard to let you take control on your recovery. It's a struggle for him but I think he will do just about anything for you. And on top of that he adores you. It's written all over his face. Even behind the Pendragon mask that he likes to hide behind."_  
  
 _"I know, it's how I feel about him too."_  
  
 _"What really confirmed that last part for me was his decision to take part in group therapy for secondary survivors." Hunith paused on that, wanting to make sure that Merlin understood the importance of her statement._  
  
 _He did._  
  
 _Merlin pulled back and looked at Hunith, eyes wide. "He did what?" And she knew he heard her just fine but repeated herself._  
  
 _"Arthur signed up to take part in group therapy for secondary survivors. He also spent time talking with a survivor and getting as much information as possible to be of better support to you."_  
  
 _"But he was being supportive."_  
  
 _"Perhaps... perhaps his was - is -, but therapy for secondary survivors are not only to provide support for the survivor but support for the secondary survivor, the loved ones, the partners or spouses. It may not have happened to him Merlin but I can imagine that he feels ripped apart too on another level and it probably breaks him to see you hurt. He is trying to find a way to be more supportive of you but he also needed to put himself in a position where he could have that support too while you are finding your way back. He could not rely on you for that while you are recovering. That is what love is Merlin. To be able to recognize what you have control over from what you do not, and when to put the needs of others before yourself. To be able to understand that you want and need that person above all else, and that even in the bad times you know that you are willing to stick it through. But even in the mist of all that, everyone, including Arthur Pendragon needs support. Because if you realize it or not, you rely on him, Merlin, and you lean on him, especially now, and if he has no strength to support you or himself, then tell me how exactly do you expect to get past this together?"_  
  
That conversation had been going through a replay in Merlin's mind for the rest of that night and into the new day. It was probably one of the most important conversations that he had with his mother and the first real conversation that Merlin allowed in full contribution to his love life. And Merlin knows he only allowed it because he really wants it to work with Arthur, because it means something, and because he does not want to do anything more than he already has to fuck it up. And this is why Arthur is walking into Merlin's first day of psychotherapy with him.  
  
In addition to that, somehow knowing that Arthur was going to attend secondary survivor group therapy gave Merlin the encouragement he needed to give his own therapy the full effort. It gave him something worth fighting for. Not that Arthur was not already but when you begin to lose your way sometimes you need a little more incentive to give you the strength to move forward.  
  
The office was all white. It had many windows and even one bay window in the center. The office itself was very spacious. There were several bookshelves and there was even a set up for a wide screen telly and a dvd player, why Merlin did not know. The were several big potted plants, a few cactus', and a bonsai plant. The bonsai was on Dr. Jonas' desk. There was also a huge conference room table on the far end wall of the office with six chairs. Merlin thought it was possibly for conferences with the families of the patients. And of course there was a huge black leather coach by the large window. But what surprised Merlin the most was that Dr. Jonas' chair that was placed by the coach happened to be a recliner, a nice – big - roomy recliner. Merlin did not think doctor's should be that comfortable. They may not be able to pay attention to his problems. Arthur looked surprised by that too but did not say anything. There was an end table placed by the recliner with a phone and a recording device. There was also a small notebook, a few pencils, and a pen on the end table as well.

  
“You may have a seat Mr. Emrys, Mr. Pendragon.” The assistant said. “Dr. Jonas shall be with you within a few minutes.” The assistant introduced herself, Merlin did not retain her name. Kara or something, who cares, he thought. They sat on the coach waiting.

  
Merlin was chewing on his bottom lip as though it was candy and he kept bouncing his leg. The leg right beside Arthur. It took two minutes before Arthur stopped it. And another minute before Arthur ran his thumb over Merlin's bottom lip to get him to stop chewing. Thankfully, Dr. Jonas chose that moment to come in otherwise Arthur would have been at a loss.

  
Dr. Jonas was not much shorter than Merlin, she looked like she just got a tan, she had long black hair styled in a Bohemian bun with some flyaway strands giving it a playful, while yet a professional look. Dr. Jonas was also thin but very pretty. Not Merlin's type of course, and much too old if it was. Though she really should not frown like she did when she walked into the office, frowning, Merlin decided, made Dr. Jonas look like a troll. Merlin also saw photos on Dr. Jonas' desk with two children and one looked like her husband if she was married.

  
Dr. Jonas was wearing a black tropical wool one button piece jacket with a matching tropical wool flare black pencil skirt. She wore a cranberry colored silk button down blouse underneath her jacket and cranberry colored Jackie Pearlized Bead and Rhinetone Slingback sandals to match the ensemble. And dammit, Merlin groaned internally, he must have been spending way too much time with Morgana over the years if he could name woman shoes like that. And the suit, shit, was an Ann Taylor original. (Merlin was not even going to ask Arthur, he was Mr. GQ himself and one of the world's most eligible bachelors, well, he was one - that- but that is beside the point, of course he would know). Arthur titled his head to the side, one corner of his mouth turning up into a smile, eyes slightly widening, inquiring. Merlin just shook his head with the expression; nope, nothing to see here. Oh, and yes, Merlin saw the wedding ring on Dr. Jonas ring finger now.

  
They rose again to introduce themselves.

  
“Mr. Emrys and Mr. Pendragon, it is a pleasure to meet you both.” Dr. Jonas said with a bright smile. Merlin suspected that bright smile came from that load of money that the Pendragon's were paying her for short notice therapy sessions and Merlin was pretty certain the sky was the limit for a cure. Like a cure was needed. Arthur denied it every time Merlin brought the subject up. But in any case, all his treatments (surgeries and all) was paid for in full.

  
“Dr. Jonas, the pleasure is ours.” Arthur replied, extended his hand to shake, and gave his golden boy award winning smile that made all the women and gay men everywhere drooled over, Dr. Jonas was no exception (married or not). She smiled even brighter in response and her eyelashes fluttered, and on top of that, she blushed. Merlin groaned internally and rolled his eyes because, really, he is mine, Merlin thought to himself. Maybe she should go for Pendragon, Senior.

  
And Merlin realized that his mind must have been going 90 miles an hour because he had not stopped rattling on in his head since the night before. Which meant, he was nervous.

  
“Arthur's right, the pleasure is all ours, and please call me Merlin. Even my students call me Professor Merlin for the most part.”

  
“Well then, Merlin it is.” Dr. Jonas said while directing her attention back to Merlin and shaking his hand. “Please, have a seat. Did Kara offer you both anything to drink? Would you like some coffee, tea, or water?”

  
Merlin looked to Arthur while Arthur responded, “We're fine, thank you very much though.”

  
“And Merlin, do you mind if I use a recording device for our sessions. It helps me when treating my patients and I prefer it, though I still do take notes. I always ask my patients' permission before using the device.”

  
“I have no objections. Everything is still confidential based on the rules of the rights form that I signed off on correct.” Merlin agreed and then confirmed.

  
“That is correct.” Dr. Jonas replied, small smile, professional.

  
“Then it is fine.”

  
Dr. Jonas turned on the recording device, grabbed her notepad and pen from beside her recliner that she was sitting on in front of them, and began to ask, “So, Merlin, you said that you are a professor, are you working right now?”

Merlin sat up straighter, “No, I have been off since the incident and have been given a few more weeks leave to recover. I will be returning to work in two weeks.”

  
Dr. Jonas nodded before continuing, “Now just to prepare you. This first session is our introductory session. It has already been determined that you have a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. There are so many categories that the disorder falls under and this first session is meant for you to relax just as you are doing right now. I want you to relax, and to answer the questions that I need to ask honestly. I have your paperwork from the hospital, and separate notes along with the assessment from Dr. O'Malley, but it is equally important that now, after very near a month from the incident that I see where you stand. It is very important that we select the correct treatment path for you because that will be the path that we will be on for the next several weeks. Not to mention the fact that we need to determine if medication is necessary. Understand?”

  
“That's fine.” Merlin replied, hesitantly. He turned to look at Arthur but his emotions were closed off on his face to see what he thought. Merlin knows that Arthur did not intend to speak during this session. Merlin knows that is also hard for Arthur. But he could not think to process that any further before Dr. Jonas went on to her next question.

  
Dr. Jonas smiled briefly again before continuing, “Have you been having trouble sleeping?”

  
“I have been sleeping.”

  
“How many hours would you say a night?”

  
Merlin took a little longer than intended to answer, “About three to six hours.”

  
“So, you are having some trouble sleeping?” Dr. Jonas added to her notes.

  
“Is there a reason for your trouble sleeping. Is three to six hours normal for you.”

  
Merlin eyes started to close off internally. Going into detach mode before he continued, “I have nightmares.” He could answer questions, Merlin thought. Just do not ask me to share my feelings.

  
“Regular nightmares or nightmares of the incident?”

  
Merlin cleared his throat before answering, “Nightmares of the incident.”

  
Dr. Jonas continued to add notes before continuing, “Have you been having trouble eating?”

  
“I eat.” And Merlin could feel Arthur's eye on him. “Some.” He responded. Feeling chastised and not knowing why.

  
“Do you have an appetite or are you just eating because you know that it is necessary to?”

  
“It is more out of necessity.” Merlin responded shifting a tad on the couch.

  
Dr. Jonas was looking through Merlin's chart and then sat it down on the edge of her recliner. Merlin and Arthur noticed she did not put her feet up yet. “According to your hospital records and Dr. O'Malley's note, you have not spoken with anyone in regards to the rape (Merlin tensed and Arthur felt it) is that correct?”

  
“It... it was correct at the time.” Arthur turned, he wanted to turn his whole body around but instead, he turned his head slightly to hear Merlin's answer.

  
“Did you talk about it with a friend or a loved one?”

  
Merlin smiled slightly, it then turned into a small frown when he remembered he did not tell Arthur that he spoke to Will. “It was my best mate Will, though you can consider him both. We talked last week.” Merlin replied in a soft voice.

  
Arthur did not know whether to be angry or not. He was there the entire time for Merlin and Merlin did nothing but send him away and Will, Will just walks on the scene and Merlin tells everything. What the hell! What does that say for him? Arthur's says silently to himself in his mind, small voice.

  
However, Dr. Jonas did seem very pleased that Merlin made the first step in the road of recovery by talking about it and she commented that it was always a good idea to use your support tree. She went on about how each person has something else that he may be able to hold on to or something like that. Arthur was not listening. The only thing that brought him back was a reminder from one pamphlet that said:

**  
You cannot and should not be the sole level of support for the victim.**

  
Apparently, Merlin did not feel like he could come to him about everything. Arthur thought to himself only to think again screaming to himself two seconds later 'what the fuck is wrong with you?' This is not about you, this is about Merlin! Arthur groaned internally and tried to listen.

  
Dr. Jonas sat back a little further in her recliner, took a sip of tea, crossed her legs at her ankles and then asked, “And what is your short-term goals, Merlin? Where would you like to be in your development within the next two to three months?”

  
Merlin without thought or knowingly to himself shifted a little closer to Arthur, swallowed – hard – before responding, “I want to stop flinching every time someone says something to remind me.” Merlin paused before continuing, “I want to stop having flashbacks and nightmares. And I do not want the littlest things to trigger unwanted memories.” Merlin took a deep breath. “I do not want to jump when someone touches me. And I want to stop feeling irritable and agitated.”

  
Arthur's heart went out for Merlin because though he could imagine that was some of the things that Merlin was going through, it was a whole other thing to know for sure by hearing it directly from Merlin.

  
Dr. Jonas paused this time. And you could tell that she was about to change gears, and both Arthur and Merlin looked at her in a way of knowing that they were _not_ going to like the direction the conversation was about to go to. She ignored them of course, she was doing her job after all. “Merlin, I understand from the records I have here, that this is not the first time that you were raped is that correct?”

  
And Merlin did flinch this time and Arthur wanted to reach out for him but he could not. This was supposed to be about Merlin and not about Arthur. But he could see that Merlin was in the process of completely detaching himself to answer her questions. It was not like he could tell Dr. Jonas to go away, right? “That is correct.” Merlin whispered.

  
Dr. Jonas studied Merlin's body movements and how he responded, took some notes, and then continued. “And I see that there is a history of physical abuse is that correct?”

  
“Yes.”

  
And Arthur did jump in here.

  
“Is it necessary to ask all these questions on the first appointment.

  
Dr. Jonas just looked at Arthur like he was a gnat that she wanted to swat at first before responding, “Yes, Mr. Pendragon it is necessary. As you can see we are not going into any details as of yet but it is important that I get to know Merlin to clinically diagnose him properly. Following the wrong treatment path could cause Merlin to regress. And that is something that we would not want to do is that correct?”

  
And just for a moment Dr. Jonas reminded Merlin of Morgana but all he had to do was think of a troll and that thought went away.

  
Arthur glared at Dr. Jonas before smoothing his expression out and responding, “That is correct.”

  
“Good.” Dr. Jonas said, though you could tell that she wanted to be smug, she thought better of it. That might have to do with all that money she was being paid.

  
“Is there a history of physical or mental abuse in your family?”

  
“No... not that I know of.” Merlin responded softly.

  
Dr. Jonas paused for a moment before inquiring, “Merlin if you would like to take a break before we go any further that would be more than alright.”

  
Merlin shook his head and looked at Dr. Jonas, Merlin head had drooped practically in his shoulders several questions ago. “No, I want to get this over with.”

  
Dr. Jonas nodded before continuing, “In light of there being more than one incident, what are your long term goals. “Where would you like to be in let's say two to three years from now?”

  
Merlin did sit up straighter then and his expression became more determined. His eyes even darkened. “I would like to have moved passed both experiences along with the abuse. I want...” Merlin swallowed hard. “I want to be normal without everyone having to worry about me all the time. Without everyone having to worry that I am about to fall apart at every given second treating me with kid gloves, or attempting to make decisions for me behind my back because they do not think I can do that myself.”

  
Arthur felt guilty there. He knows that some of that was for him.

  
Dr. Jonas then handed Merlin a brown notebook with charts and blank pages inside of it. It looked like some sort of planner.

  
“Over the next eight weeks that we are scheduled for I would like you to record you're eating habits. I would you to record what you eat or what you've been given and if you are eating it all. And when you do not eat your portions or even half of it I would also like for you to take note of your state of mind. And how you are feeling during your meal times, whether it is good or bad, and what possibly caused it.

  
She hands him a black notebook now with the same things that were in the brown notebook.

  
“This is to record your sleep patterns, nightmares, and flashbacks over the next eight weeks. It is also to record when something triggers any of those flashbacks or weird feelings that you said you have been having. You are to bring these notebooks to each session for us to review. As the weeks go on there may be additional homework assignments or as you improve you may see a reduction.”

  
Dr. Jonas continued, “Did any of these things decrease or increase where your food and sleep are concerned after you spoke to your friend – Will?” Dr. Jonas had to refer to her notepad for Will's name.

  
Merlin bit his bottom lip before responding, “My mum said that I was eating more. She stayed with us last week. She also said that I seemed happier.”

  
Dr. Jonas added more notes to her notepad before responding, "I have another assignment for you in conjunction to what I have given you so brace yourself.” And Merlin did. “I would like for you to work on preparing yourself to share your story.” Merlin tensed. “I am not going to force you to do this and I will not pressure you to do this. But naturally this is part of your therapy with me, but, I want you to know that studies show that sharing with those who support you help you to improve mentally, physically, and emotionally much faster than keeping everything in yourself or with me for that matter. And since everyone is involved in the process it will also help to reduce some of the trigger points if your loved ones have some idea of what not to do as each person reacts differently to being raped. Also, keep in mind, discussing it is actually very healing not just for yourself but for your loved ones too.” Dr. Jonas paused before continuing. “The assignment is not for you to tell everyone you know or even all your friends in family. That is completely up to you. But give yourself once a month to share your story with a loved one. The decision has to be all yours Merlin. Only you can truly decide how much she want this.”

  
Merlin did not say anything. Dr. Jonas continued, “You can start small if you like with either Mr. Pendragon or your mum.”

  
Merlin's mouth was opening and closing for a few moments and no words were coming out until they were, “I do not know how?”

  
“How did you discuss it with – Will?”

  
“I do not know, I just did!” Merlin snapped and regretted it. “Will has always had a way of getting things out of me. It must be magic or something.” And magic was not a word that Merlin thought he would be uttering.

  
“If you would like, if this is something you want to do, Merlin. We can arrange the sessions here where you can tell whomever you want to reach out to in this regard. And I can be here for you when it gets difficult to speak on it.”

  


“Can we – not – talk about it for now?” Merlin used his palms to scrub his eyes and groaned. “I understand that it is necessary and I am not saying no. But can we put it off for a few sessions.”

  
“We can. And in the meantime, just think about it, try it out. You do not have to say everything at once either Merlin. Just what makes you feel comfortable. And as you do it, make sure you record it so that we can keep track of the flashbacks, nightmares, and trigger points and its patterns.”

  
Dr. Jonas reviewed her notes before continuing, “I want to wait another week before I go into thinking about prescribing you anything but based on our session, past history, the questionnaire submitted on your arrival, your hospital records, your psychological evaluation, and Dr. O'Malley's findings it looks like you have a Complex post-traumatic stress disorder. I know it sounds long but it basically means you have a multiple interrelated post traumatic stress disorder. This may occur in cases where there is a history of physical and emotional abuse. It can also occur in cases where there is domestic violence, trauma, and torture. It is not something that is life threatening if you do not allow it and it is completely treatable and in cases, reversible.” Dr. Jonas paused again before referring to her notes. “I would like for you to begin eating correctly and sleeping properly again without the use of prescriptions. This goes the same for prescribing medication for panic and anxiety attacks for the flashbacks, nightmares and trigger points. We will see if the sessions along with your assignments will improve those things but if it does not we will revisit the medication discussion. Some people do need it during treatment and even after therapy ends.” Dr. Jonas referred to her notes again before saying, “I will also provide you with information to review on Complex post-traumatic stress disorders with ways to learn more about how to live it.” Dr. Jonas paused, “I see you've brought Mr. Pendragon along for the first session, will you be bringing him along on more?”

  


Arthur did not say anything because that was a question for Merlin. He had hopes, he would reschedule anything under the sun if it meant for him to be able to help. To know.

  


Merlin paused, “Can I say yes... that I would like that for now?” Merlin did not look at Arthur. “Its not. it's not that I do not want him to be... but if it gets too difficult...” Merlin stopped and turned to Arthur, squirming in his seat.

  


And Arthur just looked at Merlin, they held each others gazes for at least 60 seconds before Arthur placed a hand and Merlin's and said, “We can do it together. If that's what you want.”

  


And Merlin has equal reasons for wanting Arthur to be there and for not wanting Arthur to be there but what does it for him is the look in Arthur's eyes. The look of love, devotion, and a hint of fear, and Merlin knows this look well because he feels it too. It makes him speak hastily in his response.

  


And Merlin squeezed Arthur's hand back - knowing - he could not guarantee it but that he would try and responded, “Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you enjoy the chapter? I need to hear from you?
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> More therapy sessions  
> Merlin duty?
> 
> and much, much, more.
> 
> And remember, reviews and kudos are my friends.


	35. Everyone has a Dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Morgana have a brother/sister moment.  
> Merlin's has some surprise visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I very much apologize for the delay in this. At first I wasn't feeling well, then I needed the motivation, and then I got really into the paper legends. My apologies for that. I will try to update this again within the next few days.

_Dr. Jonas reviewed her notes before continuing, “I want to wait another week before I go into thinking about prescribing you anything but based on our session, past history, the questionnaire submitted on your arrival, your hospital records, your psychological evaluation, and Dr. O'Malley's findings it looks like you have a Complex post-traumatic stress disorder. I know it sounds long but it basically means you have a multiple interrelated post traumatic stress disorder. This may occur in cases where there is a history of physical and emotional abuse. It can also occur in cases where there is domestic violence, trauma, and torture. It is not something that is life threatening if you do not allow it and it is completely treatable and in cases, reversible.” Dr. Jonas paused again before referring to her notes. “I would like for you to begin eating correctly and sleeping properly again without the use of prescriptions. This goes the same for prescribing medication for panic and anxiety attacks for the flashbacks, nightmares and trigger points. We will see if the sessions along with your assignments will improve those things but if it does not we will revisit the medication discussion. Some people do need it during treatment and even after therapy ends.” Dr. Jonas referred to her notes again before saying, “I will also provide you with information to review on Complex post-traumatic stress disorders with ways to learn more about how to live it.” Dr. Jonas paused, “I see you've brought Mr. Pendragon along for the first session, will you be bringing him along on more?”_

**Chapter 35**

  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Arthur's Dilemma_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Arthur rubbed his eyes heavily while thinking of the words to put together for Uther's speech. For some reason his thoughts were not coming together today. There were so many things that he had to think about and worry about in almost equal measure. There were also things that he could be happy about too. Arthur noticed some changes in Merlin after the first psychotherapy session. Merlin, though still clearly dealing with the things that have happened to him seems – dare Arthur say it – _happier_. Arthur doesn't really know if it was all to do with that session though or if it was more to do with the visit from Hunith. Arthur would love to think it also had to do with them making love in the shower and in the bed. Arthur shakes his head internally, it had to be more than that or a combination of all of it, including the night at the pub with his friends. 

 

Arthur and Merlin may not have had full on sex as of late but they have being doing almost everything in between. Arthur realizes and understands it for what it is. Merlin wants to erase every bad memory replacing it with the good. And who better to replace it with than the person you love right? And if Arthur was honest with himself he would realize that he needed it too and just as much as Merlin does. He needed to erase every invisible hand mark, every invisible kiss, every invisible grope, every invisible bruise, touch, and intimate scene that touched his lover. Be it from Valiant or from Mordred. If he were honest with himself he would realize that he didn't want any evidence of anyone else left on Merlin's body. Merlin was/is _his,_ he wanted everything erased. And if sex at 1:00 in the morning or 4:00 in the afternoon needed to happen to accomplish it, well, Arthur would be more than happy to oblige. And when it is time for full on intimacy again, both he and Merlin would be ready for it. Would be prepared for it.

 

There were still other things on his mind as well. Arthur has his own first group therapy appointment tomorrow. Arthur cringed at the thought of just thinking about it. Arthur knows that he has never been one to open up about his feelings, his doubts, his worries, or his fears. Arthur didn't think it would ever be possible for him before Merlin came into his life and even then, it wasn't easy to break down his internal walls that were built up for so long over time. And Arthur was good at hiding those walls that he doubted that Merlin even realized it was there, how high those walls were, until he bounded through it. Arthur sighed. And bounded through it Merlin did. But still, speaking in front of a group was another matter entirely. But speaking to a group, speaking to a group would be even worse than being forced to talk by Morgana or even Gwaine for that matter. These people were complete strangers, complete strangers who were going to know his inner most deepest darkest feelings, thoughts, and maybe even secrets. Feelings and secrets that he hadn't even told Merlin himself for fear that it might send Merlin packing. Or make him feel inadequate in some way. Arthur rubbed his head and sighed, he realized a second too late when he looked up that Morgana was there watching him intensely. And then he realized that he didn't like what he saw one bit.

 

Make up does wonders for females but on pale skin it doesn't quite cover up dark circles well or eyes that clearly looked like they shedded tears some time recently. Make up doesn't cover worry, doubts, or fears. Make up doesn't make Morgana look like she is happy even if she tried her 100% best and Arthur knows that she had. She is a Pendragon for crying out loud and they try their best to cover up any traces of weakness and emotions. Even if they are literally falling apart inside.

 

Arthur just stared at Morgana for about two more minutes. She didn't say anything either until Arthur broke the silence with one request.

 

“Clear you're calendar for an hour. We're going to lunch.” And Morgana nodded and walked away.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_A Moment Between Siblings_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Arthur took Morgana to The Fresh Basil Delicatessen, a locally owned delicatessen in the area. Their counters were constantly stocked with home cooked meats, pats, pies, fresh salads, cakes, and marinated olives all day long. But its the artisan cheese counters that drags people in by the numbers. The counter offered a hand-picked selection of over 60 varieties. The Eaterie itself was a sit-in cafe area that provided a homely atmosphere that people love to come for. Whether it was for a cup of coffee, a piece of cake, or the Fresh Basils Deli Tapas Boards, whatever the fancy, it was one of the best delicatessens around. Even though Uther would never be caught dead in a delicatessen Arthur and Morgana loved it there and they frequently chose the place for their lunches, _if_ they had time for a lunch that is. 

 

Arthur watched her carefully knowing he wasn't going to get much of an opportunity to get her to open up. For as much as Morgana likes to have everyone else open up about their feelings around her, Morgana herself, would be considered a Fort Knox to break through. Arthur may hold back his emotions but his twin sister tended to hold back everything else. Stubbornly trying to be strong for things that she actually needed help with. Arthur realized that their father did them a huge injustice in this area because in some ways he raised two emotionally crippled children, and Arthur is beginning to wonder if they will ever heal from the damage completely.

 

They were led to their table and when asked for something to drink Arthur thought it might be best to have alcohol to take the edge off and after observing his sister and her of response in ordering two tumblers of whiskey, he couldn't help but think that she agreed. They were greeted by the waiter next, Arthur couldn't help but think he was cute. Morgana gave him an eye. Arthur didn't know why. Browsing didn't mean you had to try on or purchase the merchandise. He responded by giving a slight shrug and Morgana rolled her eyes in response. It was enough to get her to be more open and Arthur saw it as the opening that it was.

 

Arthur was careful in his approach though. They placed their orders first. Arthur ordered the Ploughman's Lunch. It was a mixed platter of ham, cheese, pork pie, grapes, apples, pickles, sweet Balsamic onions and a chunky wedge of bread – simple and filling. Morgana ordered the Derbyshire Cheese Board and a Greek Salad. The Cheese Board was basically a selection of fine Derbyshire cheeses, served with crackers, grapes, celery and chutney. They were silent for a while, Arthur was about half-way through his meal before Morgana made attempt for conversation.

 

“How is Merlin?” Morgana asked, taking a sip of her whiskey. It was a good diversion tactic.

 

“He's doing fine, scratch that, he is better than expected.”

 

“How was his psychotherapy appointment? I wanted to call but I thought the first appointment would have been stressful enough and I knew you took the time off to be there.”

 

“The session was… different,” Arthur stated, clearly not wanting to go into detail but continued. “It was harder on him at first because there were a lot of questions, and not just from the recent stuff-”

 

Morgana cut in but you could tell it was from nervousness and not by any intentional means. “So they are going to go all the way back. To Valiant.”

 

“They may even try to go back farther than that. Dr. Jonas was also asking about past family history.” Arthur stated while taking a bite at one of his pickles. Arthur knew exactly what Morgana was trying to do – deflect – but he went along knowing this allowed him an even bigger opening. Out of the two of them, Arthur had more patience.

 

Morgana finished chewing some of her Greek salad before responding, “Merlin doesn't have a family history of violence. When we went to the crisis center for support the first time and Hunith revealed that.”

 

“Merlin said that he didn't know for sure. He probably never really thought about it much himself.” 

 

Morgana nodded, Arthur continued.

 

“The doctor also wants him to start keeping track of his eating, sleeping, and any type of emotional dreams or triggers. She gave him charted logs and everything. She said it was like homework, I couldn't help but agree. It looked rather tedious.”

 

“It is a lot harder that it sounds that's for sure. And it also goes by an honor system. If Merlin doesn't want to share that information he won't.” Morgana responded while taking a bite of her cheese.

 

“Well, I think the best route is for all of us to remain supportive and hope for the best. And I will try to help Merlin keep track of the charts. For now, he is allowing me to accompany him to his sessions.”

 

That got a rise out of Morgana as she widened her eyes. “Really, I didn't think Merlin would go for that. It might be difficult for him to talk with you around.”

 

“I think he's trying Morgana. He has had a hard time telling me anything about what happened to him at that cabin with Mordred. Let alone any past experiences with Valiant. But if it is too much for him with my presence, if he doesn't want me there, I won't go.” Arthur's mouth twitched on that. But he understood that the bottom line was that he needed to respect Merlin's wishes. At least in this regard.

 

That got another rise out of Morgana as she leaned in closer in her seat. “Really, my little brother, Arthur Pendragon will stay away - no questions asked - if Merlin says so?” Morgana raised a challenging brow while waiting for a response.

 

Arthur glared. So much for having the complete upper hand.

 

Arthur wanted to retaliate, he really did. But no, Arthur was going to be the mature twin, today.

 

“If he says no then I will have to go along with -” Arthur took a sip of his whiskey and waved over to the waiter for a refill.

 

“Isn't it a little early to have more.” Morgana commented.

 

Arthur continued as if uninterrupted. “I will have to go along with it. It's not about me in this regard. As much as I would like to be there those sessions they are for Merlin. For his betterment.” And Arthur meant that sincerely. He would like nothing more than to be there for Merlin. If not just to know how to handle himself better around Merlin. To understand these so called 'triggers.' But if Merlin didn't feel comfortable in Arthur's presence than Arthur would have to understand. Right? Arthur ran a hand through his hair. Because, fuck, he didn't really know. All he knew is that he would respect Merlin's wishes.

 

And Arthur knew for certain that something must be wrong with his sister because she would have never missed an opportunity to jump on him in the middle of an internal dilemma. 

 

Arthur saw the moment for what is was, a full opportunity, and ceased it. 

 

“So, how's Leon?” Arthur asked while while taking a bite of his pork pie, watching carefully.”

 

“Leon... Leon's fine.” Morgana replied while eying her food.

 

“I only asked because he seemed a little tense at the pub the other night.”

 

Morgana pulled a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “People can have a bad night Arthur.”

 

“And I would normally agree, but Leon also seemed tense at the dinner party -”

 

“Arthur.”

 

“Morgana.”

 

They glared at each other.

 

“What do you want me to say.” Morgana asked, eyes wide. A clear sign of distress if Arthur saw one. 

 

He did tread very carefully in his response.

 

“Morgana, Leon has been acting weird for quite some time. I haven't had a chance to address anything before because of everything going on with Merlin and you're efforts of taking care of me but it was there.” Arthur watched as Morgana averted her eyes but continued. “Leon was tense at the dinner party when the discussion of children came up.” Morgana's eyes snapped to his but Arthur continued. “Leon looked outright angry before he composed himself at the pub when Gwen and Lance announced their pregnancy and on top of that, Leon came into work missing a sock this morning. And I might not have said anything to this last part but I have also seen him wearing socks that weren't matching either and his beard is growing out a little more than you would have allowed. Not to mention he kept giving me the Gibson brief over and over when I asked for the Thompson brief. Poor Gwen, she had to go and get it herself just to give Leon enough time to get his head together. So pardon me when I ask again, how is Leon?”

 

Morgana frowned, and Arthur knew he had her there.

 

Morgana forced her eyes closed tightly, and took a deep breath before responding, “Leon has been staying at a hotel since the night at the pub.”

 

“What, but... but how?”

 

“We've been fighting a lot lately Arthur.”

 

“Yes, people fight Morgana. Merlin and I fight but what could be so....” Arthur drifted off, pausing as the realization set though, before adding, “You've been fighting about having children.” Arthur concluded. It wasn't a question.

 

Morgana nodded. “Yes.”

 

“Doesn't Leon want to have children?” Arthur asked before catching Morgana's tired and resigned expression before she averted her eyes. “Don't you?”

 

Morgana swallowed, hard. “Do you remember when we were younger? How we always thought we were going to be horrible parents because we had no real parental structure to follow?”

 

It wasn't good memories when they use to think like that. But Arthur nodded. “I remember.”

 

“I guess... I guess I needed more time. More time to get use to the idea, and then more time to get scared again it seems.” Morgana eyes glistened as she took a long sip of her whiskey.

 

“Why would be scared Morgana?” Arthur reached over the table to take one of Morgana's hands in his. “I know I always tease you, calling you the wicked witch and all, but I don't think I know anyone that would be a better mother Morgana.”

 

Morgana sucked in a breath. “But Arthur, how can you say that, you know how we've been raised. You were there! What makes you think I won't be a horrible mother?”

 

“First of all, look at how you harass me. You never give me a break, you never completely allow me to fall apart and you are always there for me. Whether I want you to or not I might add. Look at what you've been for Merlin. You signed up for support counseling before just to be a better friend. And look at how you are with our lot. Not to mention being the one of the godparent's to the twins who you practically spoil rotten I might add again. Morgana, if anyone could be a mother and be a good one it would be you. I know we use to think we couldn't do it, but I think that applied more before we met the ones that we were supposed to spend our lives with. Because whatever else you might think, Leon will not allow you to fail. Rely on that. If he wants this with you that means he believes in you, maybe he's just a bit frustrated because he wants you to believe in yourself too.”

 

Morgana did shed a few tears then before grabbing a napkin. It was done quickly and may have been missed to the untrained eye but shed a few tears she did. She dried her eyes before putting the napkin down. She then overturned their hands putting both of her hands in Arthur's one before asking, “Since when did you become so wise?”

 

Arthur smiled fondly before responding, “I don't know, you see I have this big sister that is always telling me to think about my actions and to think before I speak. You see she was born fifteen minutes earlier than me, she never lets me live that down, and she has been a big inspiration to me. I couldn't have asked for a better sister.” And Morgana had to get up then feeling some of her pressure relieved. She practically pulled Arthur up and hugged him. She knew Arthur meant every word and knew that Arthur never would have said it out loud unless he felt she needed to hear it. And in this case, she did.

 

And there they were hugging in front of their table. Morgana leaned into to whisper in Arthur's ear. “Thank you.”

 

Arthur kissed Morgana's temple before responding, “Anytime. I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

“Don't let it go on so long next time. I know I've been busy but I don't ever want you to think I won't be there for you just as much as you have been there for me. I don't ever want to lose that between us. Especially since we are just getting that back.” Arthur meant it. This is the closest he been with his sister in recent years. It was just sad that it took tragedy to bring them so close again, for them both to understand what was most important in life. For them both to understand that family was most important. Arthur felt Morgana nodding in agreement.

 

And Morgana most have been nervous because her next question was, “What do I do now?”

 

Arthur hugged her tighter before responding, “I would say that it is time you talk to Leon don't you think?”

 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Merlin's Dilemma_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

 

Merlin wanted to throw his eating log in the trash. Better yet, he wanted to stomp on it, rip the pages out, stomp on it again, burn it, and then take the ashes and throw it in the trash. Who in the hell has time to keep up with these things?! Merlin closed his eyes tightly and attempted to focus. It is not so much that he doesn't have time. Merlin isn't working right now. He has a few weeks left but still, who wants to keep track? And on top of that, Merlin knows that he doesn't have an appetite. He is trying his best for Arthur's sake and he did a good job faking it while his mother stayed, he even had some good moments for eating -- but still. Merlin's appetite has not been the same in quite some time. Merlin ran a hand through his hair, spikes going in odd directions. He will just have to write something down -- make something up if needed. That's all there is to it. Merlin nodded to himself. He doesn't want to be put on any extra medication and he doesn't want Arthur to have to worry about him. Arthur has enough problems on his own without having to worry about Merlin. And on top of that, he doesn't want to lose that spark of hope that he sees when he is looking in Arthur's eyes. He doesn't want Arthur to stop taking him to bed. Merlin started pacing the living room floor. They still haven't had full on sex yet, not since that time that he practically forced Arthur into it. Granted, it hasn't been long -- but still. Merlin would like a better memory of it. 

 

No, Merlin couldn't let on to Arthur that he was having any problems eating. He had to show improvement. He definitely could not let on the regularity of some of his flashbacks. The sooner Arthur thought he was doing better, the better they both would be. Merlin was in the middle of his own rant when the doorbell ranged. And continued to ring. 

 

“Coming.” Merlin yelled out on the way to the door from where he was seated on the coach in the living room. Merlin wondered why did people feel the need to continuously ring the door bell or knock. One knock, one ring, that would suffice. If he didn't answer – well – they just get the message. Merlin almost felt bad for yanking the door hard enough to startle Percy, well almost, he was the one to ring the doorbell repeatedly. There must have been a memo, ring the doorbell repeatedly otherwise Merlin will not answer the door.

 

“Hey, Percy was up?” Closing the door behind him. “Can I get you anything to drink. Tea, coffee, water?”

 

“No, actually, I need you to get your coat. Your coming with me.”

 

And that was why Merlin was now having a continuation of this conversation in the middle of the furniture store.

 

“Percival, don't you think you should be taking Mithian along to do the shopping with you for a dining room set?” Merlin whines.

Percival shrugs his shoulders before responding, “Mithian is working double-shifts over the next few weeks at the hospital. That way she will be able to have the time off for the move. I told her that I would take care of it. She was concerned about that until I told her that I was going to get you to come with me. Once she found that piece of information out she was fine with it.” Merlin wanted to stick his fingers down his throat and barf. Really! 

“Despite the stereotype, being gay does not mean I am an expert at these things, Percival.”

“It's not about you being gay, Merlin.” Percival sighed, clearly this has been an ongoing conversation that he and Merlin has had -- _several times_.

“Then I don't see why you need me when you could have went to Morgana or Elena first.”

“You helped Elena pick out her wedding dress.” And yes, for some reason Elena did show up on Merlin's doorstep with a wide selection of magazines and patterns claiming that she was in desperate need of help. Like Merlin held all of the answers to her existence in the palm of his hand, right. Merlin, remembers that conversation very well.

  
  


“ _What about Morgana?”_

“ _She's too busy at work. She said to ask you, that you would know what she would agree to. And that you had a natural gift for it.”_

“ _Elena, just because I'm gay it doesn't make me a fashion designer, and it doesn't mean that I have an automatic gift to find you the perfect wedding dress.” Merlin said, purely exasperated. He knew it wasn't all about him being gay, but still, could everyone give him a break?_

_Elena looked at Merlin, expression clear, plain, and knowing, she waited, and two minutes later, “Fine, let me see the catalogs.” Merlin sighed (no one does this to Arthur he thought to himself while giving in) and took the catalogs._

_Merlin cringed, and hated the fact that he was not allowed to go back to work early._

“ _No, Merlin, you will take the time as prescribed. And you will go through your therapy and your counseling sessions for these first few weeks before you return to work and that's an end to it.” Gaius demanded, frustrated, since this was the fifth time that he had said this to Merlin in a matter of a week._

_Elena had a bag full of catalogs and then they discuss wedding dresses, and wedding designers, Merlin goes over the most popular styles for wedding dresses (he helped pick out Morgana's wedding dress after all), and tells Elena which one would be a better fit. Elena then makes the calls telling Merlin, “If you weren't a man I would have you as my maid of honor, but just the same, Gwaine has special plans for you so its a win win.” She leans in and gives Merlin a big kiss on the cheek. “You are the best, Merlin. I will never be able to thank you enough.”_

“Yes, Percy.” Merlin groaned.

“And you did choose the hairstyle for Gwen when she wanted her hair cut in a layered look, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Morgana takes you shopping with her all of the time.”

Merlin groaned, “And.”

“No, ands Merlin, it means you know what your doing and I don't. So you are helping alright. Got it? Good, now let's go.” Percy finishes while tugging Merlin's arm and leading him to the dining area furniture.

And despite Merlin's protest he did manage to help Percy find the perfect dining room table set and the perfect entertainment system for Percy and Mithian's new flat. Merlin thought he really needed to start hiding his skills if he wanted people to leave him alone.

Back at home, it took Merlin ten minutes to think something may be in the works with all of the frequent visits from his friends and that something smelled a hell of a lot like Arthur. Merlin thought while clinching his jaw, it was time for he and Arthur to have a little talk. But before he got a chance to go to his phone the doorbell ranged again. Who could it be now?! Merlin thought to himself. Groaning Merlin walked to answer the door only to be surprised by who it was...

“Mordred...”

  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you enjoy this chapter? I would like to read your thoughts!
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> Merlin duty goes into effect.  
> Arthur goes to group therapy.  
> Merlin has more flashbacks.
> 
> And as always, kudos and reviews are appreciated. And so are subscriptions and bookmarks. It is how I know what you think about this story. Thank you in advance for any.


	36. Two Steps Forward - Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther returns back to work.  
> Mordred's visit and the aftermath of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot even apologize enough for the delay of this chapter. There has been a lot of stuff going on and on top of it I dealt with a lot of migraines, which makes it difficult to focus at times. I already completed the next chapter, and am working on the one after that, this should help with quicker postings. Again, I apologize for the delay in this. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

**Chapter 35**

_Back at home, it took Merlin ten minutes to think something may be in the works with all of the frequent visits from his friends and that something smelled a hell of a lot like Arthur. Merlin thought while clinching his jaw, it was time for he and Arthur to have a little talk. But before he got a chance to go to his phone the doorbell ranged again. Who could it be now?! Merlin thought to himself. Groaning Merlin walked to answer the door only to be surprised by who it was..._

“ _Mordred.”_

  
  


**Chapter 36**

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Pendragon and Associates_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

  
  


Arthur and Morgana made it back to Arthur's office in giggles, with flushed cheeks, from the alcohol consumption only to run into none other than their father standing by Arthur's windows, looking out below at the town before him as if gazing over his kingdom. Startled, Arthur and Morgana in unison call out, “Father?” Uther turns around slowly to take in his children. Apparently, Uther was able to detect that something was off right away, his eyes narrowed slightly.

  
  


“Arthur, Morgana, there you are. You're assistants said you'd been gone for a few hours. Must I remind you both that you are responsible for setting the example here. You cannot be seen running amok, one day this will be all yours and the examples set are what people will expect to follow. I'm pretty sure that this example is not one that you care to see repeated.”

  
  


“No, father,” Arthur and Morgana responded, again in unison before turning to each other again in another round of giggles.

  
  


Uther took a long, hard, look at his children before asking, “What the hell is going on with you two?” Uther took a closer look at them before narrowing his eyes even further, “Have you two been drinking?”

  
  


Arthur and Morgana immediately straighten up – shoulders back and chins raised – before Arthur responds, “We, may have had a whiskey at lunch.”

  
  


“ _A_ whiskey he says.” Uther tuts. “I only ask because it looks like you had a little more than _a_ whiskey.”

  
  


“Father, I thought you weren't coming back in for another few days. Are you sure that you are feeling better?” Morgana asked, feigning concern – _anything_ to change the subject.

  
  


“Don't patronize me Morgana, the doctor said I was fine and that I could return to work. But that's not the problem here. What are you two doing drinking in the middle of the day while we have a company to run?” Uther was in the middle of his tirade when he stopped and took a closer look at Morgana. No doubt he was seeing the same thing that Arthur saw before he took Morgana out to lunch to get her relaxed, giving her those same _'said'_ whiskeys, that they were being lectured for drinking right now. “Morgana, are you alright?”

  
  


Morgana immediately tensed, not wanting to have this discussion with Arthur earlier and definitely not wanting to have this discussion with her father _now_. Arthur was overbearing enough -- when he wanted to be. With the changes their father had made, there was no telling how he would react if he knew what was really going on with her. “Of course father, I'm doing great.” Morgana barely contained rolling her eyes when she heard Arthur snort, howbeit quietly.

  
  


“You look like you haven't slept in a month.” Uther responded, setting his attention firmly on Morgana.

  
  


“Word to the wise father, when you get your groove back and get out there again, never – and I repeat never – say that to a woman ever again.”

  
  


“You know that there will never be another but your mother for me.” Uther responded fondly.

  
  


“Doesn't mean that you can't have the pleasures of having someone else.” Morgana responded equally as fond. She and Arthur both know that there father has not so much as looked at another woman like someone that he could get to know further since their mother passed, but it didn't mean that they thought that he shouldn't. They knew quite well that there father was lonely and Morgana and Arthur have been caught up in their own lives to a point where they haven't been around their father as much. It would do him a world of good to find someone – whether a lover or a friend, or both – to be with. 

  
  


“And I don't think this is a conversation that I would like to have with my children.” Uther responded firmly.

  
  


“Come on father. Morgana has a point. We have been watching you for some time now and it wouldn't hurt you to get out there again.--”

  
  


“Arthur!”

  
  


“Father, you know that we are only looking out for you.” Arthur replied with a soft tone. 

  
  


Uther sighed. This would have been the perfect time for Uther to show his cold side, if he weren't actively trying to change.

“I know, but I can assure you both that I'm fine and if I so have a want for anything more than that I will take your thoughts into consideration. Until then I would ask that you let me be.”

  
  


Morgana and Arthur nodded in agreement. Morgana thought that this was good enough to get Uther to change this thought processes. By Uther's changing expression, she was incorrect.

  
  


“Now, back to what I was saying before we went off topic. Are you doing okay Morgana?”

  
  


Morgana straightened out her shoulders and raised her chin before responding, “I'm fine, father, just a little bit tired.”

  
  


“Would you like for me to arrange for Leon to take you home? I don't want you struggling to work when you clearly are in need of rest?” Uther replied.

  
  


“I am fine to -”

“The sending you home part is a non-negotiable request Morgana. You represent this company as a Pendragon and I am your father. You will go home and rest.” Uther demanded with a tone that left no room for argument or cross-examination.

  
  


Morgana sighed. “Fine, but Arthur will take me home. I want to stop at his and Merlin's first. For some reason I have this nagging feeling and I just want to make sure that he is alright.”

  
  


Arthur's head whipped around so fast it was comical. “What? What weird feeling?”

  
  


“Don't worry, Arthur.” Morgana responded, squeezing his shoulder, “I doubt that anything is wrong but I just wanted to check on Merlin. I've missed him is probably all.” Morgana said in a tone that was not at all assuring.

  
  


“Fine.” Uther said, “but as soon as you are finished I want you to go home and get some rest and don't come back to the office until the dark lines are gone from your face. Am I clear?” 

  
  


“Crystal.” Morgana responded. Not at all happy.

  
  


“And take the company car. Have one of the drivers take you both. And have another driver take Arthur's car back to the manor. The two drivers can ride back together.”

  
  


“Arthur, I can drive just fine -”

  
  


“Not from where I am standing, now go.” Uther waived a hand dismissively at them in.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Unexpected Visitor_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

  
  


“Merlin, it's good to see you. I dropped by the campus to see you and ran into Professor Myror. He said that you were given a few weeks off.”

  
  


Merlin tensed, and Mordred was able to pick up on it.

  
  


“No worries Merlin, it doesn't seem like anyone knows why you are gone. Maybe Gaius perhaps, but I am sure he wouldn't say anything.

  
  


Merlin let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding in.

  
  


Mordred hesitated before asking, “Do you mind if I come in?”

  
  


Merlin, who had been quiet so far during the exchange just move back from the door to allow Mordred entrance.

  
  


“Thank you,” Mordred stated, “I know that I was supposed to get back to you before you left the hospital but things have been, a bit hectic for me. Well, for Tristan that is. He has been settling in to his new job while I have been looking for one. We managed to find a two bedroom flat, and Tristan managed to get an accounting job at a local law firm. Not as big as what he is used to but the pay and the hours are really good. I've been putting in resume's at the uni's in the area as well and I have some interviews lines up.”

  
  


Merlin nodded.

  
  


“I'm sorry Merlin, is this too much? If you feel you need space just let me know. I want to make things right with you but not if it puts you in a bad place. That was never my intention-”

  
  


Merlin was shaking his head before he responded, “No Mordred, it's quite alright. You said that you were coming back so that I could meet Tristan. I was just thrown for a loop there with you at the door.”

  
  


“I should have called first.”

  
  


“I said it was fine Mordred, don't worry about it.”

  
  


“Alright.”

 

“Would you like something to drink? Tea, coffee, a beer, whiskey?” Merlin could have rattled on forever with the selection in his and Arthur's grocery store of a kitchen. He stopped at whiskey.

  
  


“A beer would be great.”

  
  


“Good, why don't you take a seat in the living room and I see what I can grab. Would you like a sandwich as well?”

  
  


“No,” Mordred was taking in Merlin weird attitude, “A beer will be just fine.”

  
  


“Okay, have a seat, I'll be back in a minute.”

  
  


Merlin went to the kitchen so fast it felt like his head spun. He grabbed the counter and took in several long breaths. He went to the kitchen sink, ran the water, and then washed his face before grabbing a towel – careless of excess water flying everywhere. Merlin didn't know why he was freaking out. Why his heart was racing, it was only Mordred. Merlin said to himself. And he is not the same person that he was before Merlin rationalized. But something was not right and before Merlin could get control over it – _unbidden_ – memories, of their time together at the cabin started flooding into being. Merlin remembered waking up at the cabin tied to the bedpost, remembered the words of Cenred. Remembered just how much Cenred wanted him and just how much Cenred wanted his body. It was vivid, like it was happening all over again. He remembered Cenred tearing off his clothes, biting him, and marking him. And remembered the filthy things that were said to him. He remembered the fighting back and he remembered the pain that was excruciating, to the point that he blacked out. He remembered Cenred's transition to Cornelius too. It all felt so real, like Merlin was going through everything all over again. Merlin felt trapped all of a sudden in his own memories. Words in Mordred's voice repeating in Merlin's head... (“No way out! No way out! No way out! No way out!) And then Merlin yelled.

  
  


“Merlin!” Mordred yelled from the other side of the living room before running into the kitchen to see what was wrong. He found Merlin curled in a fetal position on the floor. Drenched in sweat with tears falling from his eyes. He was sobbing. “Merlin.” Mordred called out to Merlin hesitantly. Merlin didn't respond. Mordred tried to get closer. Attempted to reach out again. But Merlin got into a kneeling position and pushed himself back so far that he almost smashed his head into the corner of the cabinet.

  
  


“No, don't _touch me_ please.” Merlin said – begged – hoarsely.

  
  


“Merlin, I would never hurt you. Remember, it wasn't me. Let me help you.” Mordred attempted again to reach out to Merlin but Merlin screamed and shouted no. Merlin moved himself to the other end of the kitchen in a rapid motion. He made himself as small as he could get in the corner. Knees raised up to his chin. Arms wrapped around his legs, head down. Merlin was shaking. No, he was having trouble breathing. 

  
  


“ _Please_.” Merlin whispered. “Please don't hurt me.”

  
  


“Merlin, I would never hurt you. Please. I won't touch you, but do you think you can move. I don't want you to stay on the floor.”

  
  


Merlin was just rocking back and forth. 

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“I can't take off work but for so long. I have cases to deal with and we are still catching up from our time away.” Morgana stated as they strolled into Arthur and Merlin's. Arthur's grabbing her coat and scarf, and taking off his, hanging it up as they continue speaking.

  
  


“Well you know that I will help as much as I can. If you need the time off -” Arthur was replying before being cut off abruptly by his lovely twin sister.

  
  


“You can't do anymore than you are doing Arthur. You also have a heavy workload and you have to be home too, not to mention the therapy sessions. You can't spread yourself anymore thin than you already are.”

  
  


Arthur was in the process of grabbing the mail off the table that Merlin – oh so graciously – sets aside for him, before turning around. With no Merlin in sight, and Morgana's funny feelings in the air, two pairs of eyes meet and silently decide that they need to look around the manor for the dark-haired man. 

  
  


Mordred tried again. “Merlin, please, let's get you into the living room. Where you can lay on the coach. I will call somebody to help but please, let's get you -”

  
  


“No!” Merlin yelled.

  
  


Arthur and Morgana were about to split up when they heard the yell from the kitchen. Arthur nearly knocked Morgana down as they ran into the kitchen to get to Merlin. What they saw shocked them. They ran in to the shock of seeing Merlin huddled in the corner on the kitchen floor rocking back and forth, eyes filled with tears to the shock and anger of seeing Mordred standing over him. It did not look good.

  
  


“What the hell are you doing here?” Arthur yelled.

  
  


“Arthur, calm down. I'm sure that there is a perfectly good -” Morgana attempted to say before she was cut off.

  
  


“Answer me!” Arthur yelled. Morgana glared at her brother and sighed before attempting to go towards Merlin. It was not point fighting with Arthur now. It would get nowhere, Morgana thought. 

  
  


Mordred was clearly frightened by the whole situation. By Merlin's freak out, to Arthur's anger. “I... I came by to see Merlin. I stopped by the university first and was told that Merlin was taking some time off. Merlin already agreed to see me again.” Mordred thought it would be best to put that last part out. “We were going to meet up and then I was going to introduce him to Tristan.” Seeing that Arthur did not cut him off and did not attempt to kill him yet Mordred continued. Completely aware of Arthur still seething. “He was fine when I got here. He invited... he invited me in. We talked for a few minutes before Merlin went into the kitchen to get some refreshments. I heard yelling and I rushed into the kitchen. He was afraid of me all of a sudden. He kept asking me not to hurt him. He almost hurt himself trying to get away.” Mordred shook his head and took a deep breath as he saw Arthur calming down. “I was only trying to get him off of the floor and into the living room before you arrived. I did nothing else.”

  
  


Arthur couldn't help but believe him. It didn't mean that he could stand the sight of him though. But for Merlin's sake Arthur attempted to make peace. By not saying anything else. Because – bottom line – Arthur _is_ pretty sure that Mordred's appearance is behind the condition Merlin is in now. It may not have been this attack in question, but Arthur is pretty sure that this is in regards to an attack that was done. A trigger, or maybe a flashback of it anyway.

  
  


No other sounds were made aside from Merlin's harsh breathing in the kitchen. Everyone was silent as they watched Morgana approach Merlin. (Arthur wanted to go to Merlin too but he knows that it is very important not to have too many people around while you are helping someone who is having a panic attack. And it is clear that Merlin has either had one, still is having one, or is in the process of having a panic attack. Too many people in Merlin's face at the moment will not help Merlin's situation). So Arthur did the thing that he is learning a lot about as of late, Arthur had to have hold tight to his patience. _Funny,_ he didn't even know he had any until Merlin came around.

  
  


Even though she approached and knelt down before Merlin, it did not seem as though her presence registered to him yet.

  
  


“Merlin,” Morgana called out gently. “It's alright Merlin-” Morgana was attempting to reach out to Merlin only to be startled as Merlin pushed back even further into the corner making himself even smaller than he appeared when she and Arthur first arrived on the scene. 

  
  


“Merlin, I am not going to hurt you. I just want to make sure that you are alright, okay?” Morgana tried again but didn't reach out. Merlin nodded shakily but was still breathing harshly, and his skin – clearly feverish. 

  
  


She noticed that Arthur saw the same thing as she watched Arthur going for a cool towel.

  
  


“Merlin, I need you to work with me on controlling your breathing okay. Can you look at me?” Morgana asked. It took Merlin a good thirty seconds to raise his eyes to meet Morgana's. 

  
  


Those thirty seconds felt like a life-time.

  
  


“Okay, I need you to breathe with me. Just watch me and breathe in and out and follow the same pattern alright?”

  
  


Merlin nodded slowly.

  
  


Arthur felt useless. He squeezed his hands so tightly that they turned white while he watched. He hated seeing his baby like this.

  
  


Morgana started the breathing exercises with Merlin. Something Arthur can see that she has clearly done with Merlin in the past by the way he is responding to her. “That's right breathe with me.” Morgana breathed in taking deep breaths and breathed out, slowly. She maintained eye contact with Merlin to help keep him calm and to keep him focused solely on the breathing. They continued on doing so until it Merlin visibly relaxed, and Arthur watched on as color returned to Merlin's cheeks -- and finally -- he watched, as Merlin began to breathe normally again. Even though the rock and forth movement seem to slow down. As the signs of exhaustion began to set in.

  
  


Morgana smiled at Merlin. “There you go, so much better.” She leaned in now that it was okay, full blown panic attack seeming to subside – and gave Merlin a kiss on the forehead. She then looked to Arthur. “I am going to contact Dr. Jonas to inform her of what happened and to see if there is anything that she can prescribe. A sedative perhaps?” 

  
  


Arthur nodded in agreement. And went back to the sink, quickly, to fill up a bowl he retrieved from the cabinet with cold water. The cloth alone did not seem like it would do, Arthur thought. 

  
  


Morgana looked at her brother and she could tell that he was going on auto-pilot. She knew that he would not fall apart now of course, that he would hold it together and be strong for Merlin – but...

It doesn't mean that it hurts him any less and that he is not falling apart inside too every time he sees Merlin fall apart.

  
  


Which reminded her. 

  
  


Morgana turned to Mordred, face impassive with her best Pendragon no nonsense tone, she spoke. “I think it may be time for you to leave.”

  
  


Mordred looked wearily at Morgana. “I just want to make sure that he is okay.”

  
  


Morgana glared at Mordred and marched on to him. The movement was so quick that she had Mordred pressed against the wall in seconds. Arthur was impressed. Merlin was too despondent to notice.

  
  


“I get that you want to make sure that Merlin is okay. That you may consider this your penance for what you did to Merlin when you weren't quite yourself, I get it. But the fact of the matter is that right now, at this moment, your presence is not helping Merlin. You may not have done anything intentionally but you did in fact do something when you arrived. Whether you sparked a memory, a flashback, or just simply gave him the creeps. Whatever the case, your presence here is not helpful at the moment.” Morgana paused, and calmed down taking a deep breath. She always did get very protective of Merlin when he was like this. And Morgana knew that it would be better for her to handle this instead of Arthur. Lord knows how he would have handled it, Morgana thought. 

  
  


“Look. I know that you and Merlin have been keeping in touch. That you sort of promised to do so after the hospital. All I ask is that you give him some time. As you can see, he may not be completely ready for...” Morgana waved a hand, “whatever it is that you were intending. Give Merlin some time and he will be in contact with you. As of now though, I am going to have to ask you to leave.” Morgana hand was already on Mordred's elbow, guiding him out of the kitchen, passed the living room, the foyer area, and to the front door by the time she finished her last sentence.

  
  


The movement was so swift it through Mordred for a loop. “You promise to have him call me? And would you please call me later just to let me know that he is okay?” Mordred asked, handing Morgana a card with Mordred's contact information on it.

  
  


“I cannot promise you that Merlin will call you back. That is completely up to Merlin. But I will call you as soon as I know for sure that Merlin is okay.” And Morgana does not know why she promised that. She must be getting soft, she thought. She did not feel as though Mordred deserved any special favors.

  
  


“Thank you.” Mordred gave a smile. It was a poor attempt of one at best, before leaving. 

  
  


Morgana slumped against the door before pulling out her mobile to call Dr. Jonas.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Arthur took his time approaching Merlin, not wanting to startle him. He wanted to give Merlin the feeling of control that he needed at the moment. Then, like Morgana did previously, he knelt down before Merlin.

 

It was quicker for Merlin to register Arthur's presence that it was for Morgana's.

 

“Arthur.” Merlin called out quietly upon seeing Arthur's face come into view.

 

“I'm here luv. I'm right here.” Arthur responded, softly pulling some loose strands of Merlin hair from his forehead. “I want to get you out of the kitchen. Do you think you can walk or do you need me to carry you?” Arthur knew that pride would not be the issue here for Merlin at the moment and if he couldn't walk he would tell him so. Yet still, he wanted to give Merlin the choice, to choose, what was easier for him.

 

“I don't... I don't think I will be able to.”

 

“Not a problem, and do you feel more comfortable going to the living room or to our room?” Arthur asked. Attempting again to give Merlin some form of control while attempting to transfer him into a peaceful environment to continue to calm his body and mind along with his breathing.

 

“Our room.” Merlin responded in a whisper.

 

Arthur nodded in response. And in one swift and gentle movement was up and in the next had Merlin, in his arms – _bridle style_ – taking his precious cargo into their bedroom. Once they got to the room Arthur began to take off Merlin's shoes, jeans, shirt, and briefs. There was nothing romantic about it. Just Arthur helping Merlin in a way that wouldn't alarm him. Arthur got Merlin changed into his night clothes and got him into bed. 

 

“I am going to get the bowl of water out of the kitchen to sponge you down and help you with your temperature. I will be right back.” Arthur informed Merlin while turning his head towards the direction of the kitchen.

 

“Kay.”

 

“Are you hungry?” Arthur asked, attempting some form of normalcy, while paying close attention to how skinny Merlin felt while he changed his clothes.

 

“No, my stomach is in knots.”

 

“It's alright. You don't have to eat right now if you don't want to. I'll go and get the water.”

 

Arthur walked out of the room, down the hallway, and into the living room to find Morgana pacing the floor. She jumped slightly once she realized that Arthur emerged from the room.

 

 

“How's Merlin?”

 

 

“He's not fine.” Arthur almost snapped but stopped himself. It wasn't Morgana's fault that any of this was happening. In fact, she was a great help through it all. “He is out of it still, but responding. His body just needs to catch up and begin responding to him normally again. I think Mordred triggered something but I want to wait until Merlin's calmed down enough to ask him. What did Dr. Jonas say?”

 

 

“She said pretty much the same thing. That it sounded like Merlin was having a panic attack that was triggered by Mordred's appearance.” Morgana sneered, “and that his appearance may have triggered flashbacks or a repressed memory. She said he could have also just been reacting to Mordred too. Though the last part seems unlikely since they have been getting along. I think Mordred's presence triggered something. In the meanwhile, Dr. Jonas did call in a prescription for a sedative. Hand me your keys and I will go pick it up for you.” Morgana finished with her hand out palm up in wait for the keys.

 

 

Arthur sighed, but reached into his pocket and passed her the keys. “After you bring the sedative back I want you to go home.” 

 

 

“But -”

 

 

“No Morgana, no buts, you need to get some rest. Father was right. You look just as exhausted as Merlin does. You need to get some rest and then you need to talk to Leon.”

  
  


“And who's going to watch out for you?”

  
  


“I'm an adult, Morgana.” Morgana raised an eyebrow, Arthur raised his chin, before adding, “I will be fine. Besides, who's going to be around to help me if you don't take care of yourself and fall apart instead.”

  
  


And just like that, Arthur knew he won, as he watched his sister's shoulders visibly relax. 

  
  


“Fine.” That was the best he was going to get at the moment at admitting that he was right, Morgana thought. “I will be right back.” She added before giving Arthur a kiss on the cheek and leaving.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Arthur took his time walking through the manor. Cutting off the television, folding the blanket that was laid out over the sofa that Merlin must have used during the day, and turning off additional lights. Leaving only one low watt solar light on in the living room for visibility. He went into the kitchen and dumped out the bowl of water to refill it again, making sure that it was cold. He wanted to throw something, to punch something, to hurt something, hurt Mordred – anything. But realized that it would only be a temporary relief. The real relief will be when he and Merlin could get their lives back on track again. Arthur went to the bar next after picking up the bowl of water and a cloth. He downed a shot of whiskey in one go. Liquid courage, Arthur thought. Before going back into the room with Merlin.

  
  


Merlin was still in the same position on their bed where Arthur left him. His skin was so pale. He had dark circles under his eyes. Proof positive of Merlin's lack of sleep that apparently -- he has been covering up from Arthur. He looked like he lost more weight that Arthur realized, though Arthur could have sworn that Merlin told him that his appetite was better. Arthur guessed that that was something else that was a lie. He couldn't think about that right now. He only had thoughts for getting Merlin past the panic attack at hand. Something that would not have happened if Mordred was not in their home, alone, with Merlin. 

  
  


Arthur sat on the edge of Merlin's side of the bed. The movement made Merlin tense. “It's only me luv. Your skin is still a little feverish. I brought a cold towel to wipe you down.” Merlin opened his mouth, looked like he was about to object but thought better of it. He nodded instead in approval.

  
  


Arthur dipped the cloth into the cold water to make sure that it was moist enough. He drained the excess water and began using it lightly on Merlin's forehead. “Morgana went to go pick up a sedative for you that was called in by Dr. Jonas. You should be able to get some rest soon.” Arthur said while moving the cloth from one of Merlin's cheeks to the next. He then dipped the cloth back in the bowl to keep it cool, drained it, and moved to Merlin's chin and neck.

  
  


“I don't need a sedative.” Merlin said stubbornly.

  
  


“You may not think you need it but your body has been through quite an ordeal. The doctor thought it would be best for you. She said once you were able to calm down and get some rest that you should feel a little bit better.” Arthur lifted Merlin's night shirt up then and began sponging Merlin's chest and underneath his arms before repeating the process with the bowl of water.

  
  


“But I am not sleepy.” And Merlin just knew that he sounded like a child.

  
  


“You are not sleepy because of your episode. Your body needs rest -”

  
  


“But -”

  
  


“This is not a request luv. I want you to get better.” It was rare for Arthur to actually put his foot down on an issue where Merlin was concerned. Merlin knew that Arthur would give him the world if he could. But when it comes to matters of Merlin's health and well-being, Arthur will not allow certain things to stand any longer. How he is going to handle? Arthur hasn't really considered it all yet. 

  
  


Merlin could see the wheels turning in Arthur's mind. Could see the determination in Arthur's eyes and the set of his jaw and chin. And though Merlin would never admit it to Arthur, he thought it was hot.

  
  


“Fine.”

  
  


Arthur had to restrain himself from doing a dance. Two arguments won in one day. One with Morgana and now one with Merlin. If Arthur _had_ a journal, this would definitely be recorded for record.

  
  


Arthur repeated the process with the cloth and bowl of water one more time before using the cloth again on Merlin's face. “There, that should help bring your temperature down. Would you like some water?”

  
  


“That would be good, my throat and mouth is rather dry.”

  
  


“That is common when having a panic attack.” Arthur replied, giving a small smile.

  
  


Merlin raised a brow, “and just how and when did you become so informative on what to do when someone has a panic attack?”

  
  


Arthur looked shy as he raised his eyes to meet Merlin, “I may have done some reading up on the subject.”

  
  


“Reading on ways to handle me?” Merlin asked with a grin.

  
  


“Reading on ways to be more understanding.” Arthur replied, expression softening.

  
  


Merlin looked at Arthur, really looked at him, in the way that Arthur always thought was Merlin's way to see right through him. Eyes shining, the deep blues of his eyes – the shade of the ocean, staring at Arthur, like he was the sun. Seeing all of the hidden parts that was not privy to anyone else in the world, only for Merlin. And above all, it showed Merlin's love for him. And Arthur's heart skipped a beat. Sounding almost hoarse, Merlin responded, “thank you.” 

  
  


Those two words, at that moment, meant the world to Arthur. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like this chapter? Reviews and kudos keep me motivated, I want to hear from you.
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> Arthur attends his first group therapy session.  
> Merlin duty has begun.
> 
> And much more.


	37. It's not always going to be easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana helps Arthur with Merlin.  
> Arthur attends group therapy.  
> Merlin duty begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who have taken the time to review. It really means a lot and encourages me in writing this story when life gets rough and time seems limited. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the chapter.

**Chapter 36**

 

 

“ _I get that you want to make sure that Merlin is okay. That you may consider this your penance for what you did to Merlin when you weren't quite yourself, I get it. But the fact of the matter is that right now, at this moment, your presence is not helping Merlin. You may not have done anything intentionally but you did in fact do something when you arrived. Whether you sparked a memory, a flashback, or just simply gave him the creeps. Whatever the case, your presence here is not helpful at the moment.” Morgana paused, and calmed down taking a deep breath. She always did get very protective of Merlin when he was like this. And Morgana knew that it would be better for her to handle this instead of Arthur. Lord knows how he would have handled it, Morgana thought._

  
  


“ _Look. I know that you and Merlin have been keeping in touch. That you sort of promised to do so after the hospital. All I ask is that you give him some time. As you can see, he may not be completely ready for...” Morgana waved a hand, “whatever it is that you were intending. Give Merlin some time and he will be in contact with you. As of now though, I am going to have to ask you to leave.” Morgana hand was already on Mordred's elbow, guiding him out of the kitchen, passed the living room, the foyer area, and to the front door by the time she finished her last sentence._

  
  


**Chapter 37**

 

 

Morgana came back by shortly after using her key to enter the manor and made her way to the Arthur and Merlin's bedroom. She tapped lightly on the door and waited. It didn't take but a moment for Arthur to answer it.

 

 

“How's Merlin?” Morgana asked, while passing Arthur Merlin's medication.

 

 

“He's doing better? _Calmer._ The sedative should help him sleep through the night?” Arthur asked for reassurance.

 

 

“Yes.”

 

 

“Good.” 

 

 

Morgana looked over Arthur's shoulder and then grabbed Arthur's arm to lead him out of the room to talk to him, privately.

 

 

“What?” Arthur asked.

 

 

“I spoke to Mordred and asked him not to contact Merlin. I asked him to wait for Merlin to contact him instead.”

 

 

“That's good...”

 

 

“It doesn't mean that he will listen forever but he agreed to do it for now.” Morgana stated, not sounding very confident in going on Mordred's word alone.

 

 

“I really don't feel comfortable leaving Merlin alone right now. Who's to say that Mordred won't come back and Morgana, Merlin looks like he has been losing weight. He told me that he was eating fine and it looks like he eats in front of me. I think... I think that he's been lying to me about his progress. And who knows what else.” Arthur said in a rush while running a hand through his hair leaving a mess in it's wake.

 

 

Morgana took the opportunity to run her hand through it to put the wayward strands back in place before responding.

 

 

“Some people are good at hiding things Arthur and Merlin, Merlin has always been a master at hiding things that he doesn't yet want revealed or doesn't feel comfortable with. Not that there aren't any cracks in his surface, mind, it just takes a lot of observing to catch what he doesn't want to be made known. Even though he wears his heart on his sleeve.” Morgana touched Arthur's shoulder and gave it a squeeze for comfort before adding, “Don't worry, we _will_ figure this out. We all love Merlin, Arthur. You are not on your own here.”

 

 

Arthur nodded and was going to go back to his room but not before he said his peace. “Thank you. And now I want you to take some of your own advice, go and speak to Leon.”

 

 

“But -”

 

 

“No buts, I am just as worried about you. I could do with a lot less pressure right now and I am sure that you can too. If you want me to feel better you will take care of yourself too.” He leaned in to kiss Morgana on the forehead. “I love you, good night.” Arthur knew not to press but also knew that he had said enough.

 

 

“I love you too.”

 

 

Morgana decided to take Arthur's advice as she was locked up and left the manor. But not before she handled a few other things first. She contacted Mordred to assure him that Merlin was fine. 

 

 

“He's going to be fine Mordred, I can assure you. Arthur is taking very good care of him.” Morgana stated.

 

 

“And you are sure that there is really nothing that I can do?” Mordred asked, worriedly.

 

 

“I am positive. Give him the time as we agreed to and he will be.” Morgana assured.

 

 

“And you will tell him that I am leaving it to him to contact me?” Mordred asked pointedly.

 

 

“I will, as soon as I am sure that he is better from what happened this evening.”

 

 

“Thank you.” Mordred stated genuinely.

 

 

“Goodbye Mordred.” Morgana did not wait for a reply.

 

 

And then she contacted Gwen and told her everything that happened.

 

 

“Are you sure that he is alright Morgana? Does Arthur need any of us to go over there to help? Even for support? I can bring some food.” Gwen asked worriedly.

 

 

“No, they are fine.” Morgana assured. “Arthur has Merlin in bed for the night and he has the sedative that was ordered for Merlin to administer to him. What Arthur is really worried about is leaving Merlin alone. He doesn't want another incident like today to occur if he can prevent it.”

 

 

While Morgana was talking to Gwen, Gwen was relaying the information to Lance and Gwaine and Percival, who happened to be there watching a footie game. Before long Gwaine was on the phone with Will, who happened to be having dinner with Hunith and Freya, and Percival was on the phone with Mithian, who happened to be to over at Vivian and Elyan's. Once Gwaine finished speaking with Will, he then contacted Elena, and by the time Morgana and Gwen was done with their conversation Merlin duty was officially put in place with Gwaine volunteering for the first shift.

 

 

With that accomplished, and with a lighter load on her shoulders, Morgana decided to keep her promise to Arthur by going to talk to Leon. And as she got closer to Leon's hotel she found herself 'chickening out' half way there. As she turned her car around, Morgana decided to follow through with her promise to speak with Leon, the following day. “It will give me more time to think about what I have to say,” Morgana said to herself. Though she was not too thick to realize a cop up when she saw it. Yes, Morgana thought, another night to think is exactly what I need. And then she said to herself, “Yeah, keep telling yourself that Morgana, and maybe you just might come to believe it. It was going to be a long night.

 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

After Merlin had his water and sedative he was out like a light. Despite his protest on not being sleepy. Arthur took the bowl of water and cloth back into the kitchen and then slid back into bed with Merlin. He pulled Merlin to him to lay at his side with Merlin's head on his chest. And as Arthur's kissed the top of Merlin's head, snuggling closer, sleep followed him too. It wasn't the best of sleeps for Arthur but it was sleep nonetheless.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Group Therapy_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

 

Arthur was _not_ excited about going to group therapy. Even though he read everything he could get his hands on, he did not think he would ever be fully prepared for group therapy. He walked into the room. The chairs were angled in a round shape. The room itself, big and white with no special furnishings. It looked more like a classroom, especially with the huge chalkboard up front. The room was filled with plants. There was a table set up with finger sandwiches and there was anoter set up for tea and coffee. On the other side of the room, another table was covered with pamphlets, brochures, and books. There was also a mini refrigerator in the corner of the room. Arthur guessed that was where they kept the sodas and cold drinks but didn't go around it to check. He did however make a beeline for the coffee. Arthur was fifteen minutes early. 

 

 

When he was just about to change his mind on getting a sandwich someone stepped in front of him.

 

 

“Your new here.” A young lady said. She had long long red hair. Straight but wavy. She wore the minimum of makeup but it wasn't necessary. She was beautiful, with her pale skin and freckles that aligned her cheekbones just so. She was wearing a navy pinstripe skirt suit. And she looked like a professional. Arthur could only assume that this was the woman that would be running their session. She had that air about her.

 

 

“I am.” Arthur held a hand out. “Arthur Pendragon.”

 

 

“I know who you are, Mr. Pendragon. I think anyone who is anyone that has a television or access to a magazine would know. Though you needn't worry about that here. My name is Finna, Finna Walsh.” Finna said while shaking Arthur's hand. She had a firm grip, Arthur noticed. “I will be conducting this session today. I am assuming this is your first time here and that you have heard of us before?”

 

 

“That is correct. I came before with my partner's mother and spoke with a lovely young woman. She answered a lot of my questions, gave me a tour, and gave me a lot of reading material and access to websites to learn more about PTSD and rape for secondary survivors.”

 

 

“Excellent! You have a head start on many I can assure you. Well, go ahead, get your snacks and fill up on coffee. It won't be long before the others arrive.” Finna said while giving a bright smile that lit up her entire face.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Finna was right, ten minutes later, and the room was filled with secondary survivors coming in and finding their seats in the circle. Arthur sat by Finna, having taken an immediate liking to her by their first encounter.

 

 

“Good morning, everyone. For some of you who don't know me my name is Finna Walsh. I have been working with the Crisis Center for the past five years. I also have my own practice where I treats PTSD patients in the city and I teach at Oxford part time working in the area of psychology and sociology. As you know, this session is meant for loved ones and family to come together to talk about the things that are bothering them, while learning how to cope with the loved one or friend, or family member that has gone through traumatic ordeals. We will go around the room to give brief introductions for the newcomers, giving our names, and why we are here. And then I will allow anyone on the floor to share of any struggles they may have experienced over the past week. Don't feel as though you have to share anything that you are not comfortable with sharing yet. And know that in the circle, what is shared in this circle, stays in this circle. Finna turned to 

Arthur then, as if to assure him that it would be safe for him to share his thoughts without it being leaked to every news wire around the globe. It helped, but only a little. There were no guarantees, and Arthur knew this. He was a Pendragon after all, and anything Pendragon was _definitely_ newsworthy. 

 

 

“Gilly, would you like to be the first to start?” Finna asked.

 

 

Gilly, Arthur assumed on Finna's left nodded before speaking.

 

 

“I'm Gilly Mason, my partner Diego and I moved here from the states a few months back. Diego was attacked on his way home from work one evening. He was beaten, raped, and left for dead. If it weren't for some kids walking down the ally some time later he may have never been found. At least... not alive. One of the nurses at the hospital recommended this place for me so that I would better be able to help Diego once I got him home again. It hasn't been easy. It's been months later and Diego still has nightmares, he still doesn't take the side streets in our area, and he still has flashbacks of what happened to him. But he is getting there, and these sessions have helped me to have patience with Diego in ways that I probably wouldn't have.” Gilly stopped there. It was obvious that it took a lot out of Gilly just to say that.

 

 

Finna smiled at Gilly. “Thank you Gilly.” Then she turned to Gilly's left, “Constance, would you like to go next?”

 

 

“Yes, Finna. Hello everyone, my name is Constance Marley. I am here because of my daughter. She went out one night on a date with a young man...” Constance paused, and took a deep breath before continuing, “he seemed like a nice young man. He came to the house a few times.” Another breath. “He took my daughter Sefa to a party, apparently there was drugs and alcohol present for it to get so... out of hand.” Another breath. “My daughter, was a virgin, and she was gang raped by six guys at that party. All of which were friends of this young man. I don't know why he did it. Why they did it. It could have been the drugs, but they gave her one of the drugs that lowers your inhibitions, and they raped her. They took no special care of her. She was in the hospital for weeks.” Tears started forming in Constance's eyes, “She still wakes up screaming from the nightmares. She still cries uncontrollably. Even though those men are behind bars now.”

 

 

Arthur couldn't help but ask, “How long ago has this been?”

 

 

Constance didn't seem angry by the question. “Four months ago. The drugs may have lowered her inhibitions but she still remembers everything. The way those men violated her and took away her free will. Her virginity was meant to be saved – cherished, those men took that choice away from her and stomped on it without pity or respite. They abused her in every way possible, said horrible things to her, and took no special care in handling her. Those bastards.” Gilly pulled Constance into a hug then and Constance hugged him back.

 

 

If there was one thing that Arthur learned from the group therapy session, it was that he was not the only one with problems. And that there were always someone with problems that were worse than his. He listened to testimonies from Lionel, Samantha, Lenex, Frederick, Cora, and a young woman named Ariel. Each story hit home in their own ways. Lionel's wife Abigail just came back from Iraq after her unit was bombed. She lost a leg during the explosion and watched many of her comrades die right before her eyes. 

 

Samantha's husband was an undercover narcotics officer whose cover was blown. He was tortured and beaten for days to an inch of his life and dumped at the hospital's door. It was a message that no one could go beneath their radar without their knowledge. No matter the cop, or the cover. 

 

Lenex's sister was in an abusive relationship with her spouse for years until one night her husband took it too far. Her sister Margaret killed her husband in self – defense, but not before he had beaten her severely and nearly strangled her to death.

 

Frederick's partner was clinically depressed due to a history of physical and emotional abuse since youth and attempted to take his own life, on multiple occasions. Frederick's partner is being treated at a psychiatric clinic. Frederick himself came to the group to learn how to cope and to better understand how to be more supportive of his partner on his return home.

 

Cora's son was in a gang and the gang decided to weed out the bottom feeders choosing him as one of them. Their method to do this – death. If there wasn't an undercover cop in the group her son would have been killed. As it stood, her son suffered from a cracked skull, three broken ribs, a broken leg, a broken wrist, and a ruptured spleen. Six months later and her 17 year old son is still clinically depressed, and still frightened to leave the house alone. 

 

Ariel's situation was a little different from the rest present. With everyone's permission for her attendance Ariel is writing a book on understanding how to cope better with family members and friends of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder patients. She promised no names and nothing that would pertain to an individual personally, but expressed that there was not enough information out there for the secondary survivors. Arthur thought that Ariel was speaking from personal experience, though that would be a conversation for another time. For now, it was good to know that there would be more information out there to help the loved ones of PTSD to better cope, to move on. Which... also gave Arthur some other ideas... 

 

It seemed like the group was more of a support group than a therapy group. More of a group where one could have someone to talk to. Where one could have someone to share with when things got too bad. And Finna was the one to hold the group together – the glue, speaking from a professional point of view when they needed to hear it. Arthur learned that getting better was not going to be a quick fix for Merlin. That the panic attacks, the flashbacks, the depression – all of it – is common at Merlin's stage of recovery. He learned that support will be key in how Merlin deals with it all and that eventually, things _would_ get better. But the process will _not_ be instantaneous. Despite what Arthur, or even Merlin wanted to believe.

 

 

“Arthur, are you ready?” Finna asked. And Arthur smiled at her.

 

 

“Yes, my name is Arthur. I am hear because of my partner.” And Arthur realized now that he was about to out himself for the first time in a public setting as being bi-sexual. It should make him feel funny, but it doesn't. “My boyfriend was befriended by a colleague at work at later abducted, tortured, and raped by him. We found him just in time. He also had a past relationship where he was physically and emotionally abused. The combination of these two events have brought about him being diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” Arthur looked around the room and saw no judgments, no condemnation, only compassion, sympathy, and support. “He also still has nightmares, still has triggers and flashbacks of the events. He still withdraws when he can't cope, still hides the fact that he is not eating properly, and still has panic attacks. He just had one last evening in fact.” Arthur swallowed. “It was a lot worse at first, but I have seen some improvements, while at the same time I can also see, especially after listening here today, that we have a long way to go.” Arthur swallowed hard, before turning back to Finna.

 

 

She squeezed his hand. “Thank you, Arthur.” And Arthur liked Finna even more for not pressuring him to say anything further.

 

 

The meeting continued. Everyone shared what happened during the past week, if it was good, or if their loved one showed improvement of regressed any. It was... comforting. Finna had a system in place, a phone tree of sorts, where the group could contact the one another when things got bad during the week. She felt the support for the secondary survivor was just as important as the support that was needed for the survivor. _“How can the survivor get through it all if the secondary survivor falls apart?” She said._ Due to Arthur's standing in the community Arthur's phone tree buddy would be Gilly, but Finna also gave him her phone number in case there were things that Arthur felt he could not discuss with someone who wasn't bound fully to confidentiality oaths. Arthur appreciated the sentiment. All and all, it was a good first session. And somehow Arthur knew that he made some new friends for life by the end of it.

 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_The Institution of Merlin Duty_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

 

Merlin gritted his teeth as once again the doorbell began to ring off of the hook. He barely got his towel wrapped along his slim waist before the doorbell ranged again. They always catch me when I am not prepared for company, Merlin thought. Not that he ever really felt like company these days.

 

 

“Who in the hell is it?” Merlin asked himself, out loud, as he went to the door. Merlin rushed to the door, nearly busting his ass on the floor by tripping over his own two feet and finally made it, yanking the door open. He really shouldn't have been surprised to see who it was.

 

 

“Gwaine, do you mind ringing the bell with a little bit more energy the next time?” Merlin snapped.

 

 

Gwaine just smiled at Merlin, completely ignoring his snappy attitude. “Hey mate.” And pulled Merlin in for a bear hug. Merlin's being wrapped in a towel obviously did not bother Gwaine one bit. He walked around Merlin and entered into the manor. “I thought I would stop by today and check on one of my favorite people. I also stopped by the coffee shop and picked up coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Go on and get dressed and I'll set it up for us in the kitchen.” Gwaine said, while walking to kitchen and leaving no room for an argument from Merlin. Merlin only stared at Gwaine's retreating back for five seconds before doing what he was told.

 

 

Ten minutes later Merlin emerged from his and Arthur's room in a pair of jeans and a dark blue button down shirt. He was clean shaven and there was at least an attempt to tackle Merlin's thick black hair. Somehow it seemed that Merlin lost the battle as Merlin's hair was still sticking in every direction. Gwaine smiled as he saw Merlin enter the kitchen.

 

 

“Come on, have a seat. I got your coffee, just the way you like it with extra cream and sugar. I got your favorite breakfast sandwich from the cafe, english muffin with eggs and extra cheese. Eat up.” And Merlin could tell by Gwaine's tone of voice that this was also something that was not up for argument or debate.

 

 

While taking a sip of coffee Merlin asked, “How's Elena?”

 

 

Gwaine smiled again before responding, “She's doing fine, preparing for the wedding you know. I never thought so many things were involved in the planning. If it were up to me we would be at the justice of the peace by now.”

 

 

“I can see how that would boil over. Do me a favor? Don't mention that to Elena.”

 

  
“What do you think, I'm insane. I want to have my balls, fully in place, on my honeymoon thank you very much.” Gwaine said responding with a laugh.

 

 

Merlin giggled.

 

 

“So how are you? How is physical therapy and your therapy sessions with Dr. Jonas?” Gwaine asked, eyes intense.

 

 

“It's going fine. I feel like I am back to normal physically. Where the therapy sessions are concerned, it's still too new to know for certain. The first session was more her getting an understanding of me and putting down some ground rules.”

 

 

Gwaine watched Merlin intently making sure that he was going for his sandwich before taking a bite of his own and drinking more coffee. 

 

 

“Anything new happened as of late?” Gwaine asked, while finishing off his breakfast sandwich. It was a bagel, egg, ham, and cheese breakfast sandwich. 

 

 

Merlin paused, taking in Gwaine's grim expression, and connecting the dots, “you heard about Mordred didn't you?”

 

 

“Was it meant to be kept a secret?” Gwaine countered.

 

 

“No! No, it's just that... people tend to not see straight where Mordred is concerned.”

 

 

“Could that be because he tried to tried to kill us and did more than that to you?”

 

 

“That wasn't him.”

 

 

Gwaine continued, as if Merlin did not respond. “Would you have preferred that no one worried at all? And how do you think we'd feel if something happened to you, hmm?”

 

 

Merlin was getting frustrated but he knew that Gwaine was right. “How much do you know?” He asked, instead of giving in to his frustrations.

 

 

“I know that Mordred came over here yesterday while the princess was at work and he came home to find you having a full-blown panic attack right in this very kitchen with Mordred lurking right over you.”

 

 

“He didn't do anything.” Merlin responded, speaking through his teeth.

 

 

“He may not have done anything _this time_ but it seemed that his presence did. Your forgetting something Merlin, we learned about what to expect when dealing with someone who has had traumatic experiences before.” Gwaine said, while leaning in further on the table to get a closer look at Merlin. “Mordred may not have done anything but your body and mind responded to his presence and it sounded like its reaction triggered something else. Whether it be a flashback, or a fear response that prompted to panic attack, it still triggered something. Mordred did. But it is not for me to guess what.” Gwaine paused and ran a hand through his hair before asking, “why don't you tell me what it is?”

 

 

And this is the side of Gwaine that Merlin is not to use to dealing with. When this happens Gwaine reminds him of Will because Gwaine's gears can switch so fast that Merlin does not have the time to catch up, or to change tactics to his own benefit. Merlin suspects it also comes with the territory after years of dealing with the Pendragons. Only a special sort of people can handle that lot and still have a fighting chance, Merlin thought to himself. Defenseless in the counterattack, Merlin ended up telling the truth. And without the time to think up a unedited version, Merlin spoke without being able to sugar-coat the story first.

 

 

“I don't know how it happened. I was happy to see Mordred when he arrived, though it took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting him. He found out from one of the professors at Cambridge that I have been granted leave for a while and decided to come and see me. He told me that he would when he visited me at the hospital, I just didn't expect him to come here when he did.” Merlin took a deep breath and swallowed. Gwaine nodded to him, as to say go on. Merlin forgot that when Gwaine was in this mode his patience was not as strong either. Though Merlin could count on his one hand the number of people Gwaine has to take this route with to obtain information. And if Merlin was a gambling man he would say that he is probably the only one that Gwaine does take this route with. Gwaine seems to have other methods for everyone else. Something tells Merlin the route taken has more to do with the tips for support than anything else too. One day Merlin may even tell them that a good bit of those tips actually do work. One day, will _not_ be today.

 

 

Merlin continued. “It was fine when he came inside. We spoke for a few minutes and then I offered him something to drink. The panic attack happened while I was in here. Mordred was still in the living room. He came in the kitchen when I yelled.”

 

 

“Did the panic attack come with anything else?” Gwaine pressed.

 

 

“I started feeling like I was losing control, then I started getting flashbacks -”

 

 

“Of what?”

 

 

“Of what happened between Mordred and I. Of that place.” Merlin replied bitterly.

 

 

“And once the flashbacks was over you went into a full blown panic attack?”

 

 

Merlin nodded.

 

 

“Were you scared of Mordred at all when he came to you in the kitchen after the flashbacks ended?”

 

 

“I wasn't all there but I think I scared Mordred by my response to him. He was only trying to help.”

 

 

Gwaine couldn't care a flying fuck about Mordred. But he could sense that Merlin was telling the truth. Gwaine only nodded again and told Merlin to finish up his sandwich, and Gwaine continued to watch Merlin while he ate every bite.

 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 

“So,” Gwaine picked up the remote and started flipping channels, “What you got planned for the day?”

  
  


“I didn't plan anything.”

  
  


“We can go out?”

  
  


“I am not going to a bar at 10 o'clock in the morning Gwaine.”

  
  


“But why, Merlin?” Gwaine whined. “There's nothing to do. And I will let you pick what we do next.”

  
  


“No one forced you to come over.” This is true, almost, Merlin knows full well that Arthur's probably made some arrangements to look out for him for the next two weeks – for his own good – before he goes back to work, and Merlin is pretty sure that Arthur has spoken to Gaius, Freya, and anyone else who will bother to listen to do the same thing when he returns. 

  
  


“No one has to force me. What else do I have to do?” And Gwaine was right there. Gwaine comes from a line of really, really, old money. His family owns oil wells that still produce and his history goes well over a hundred years or so back. Not to mention Gwaine comes from a line of nobility, though Gwaine tends to keep that last part a secret. So no, Gwaine really has nothing else to do. It's a wonder that Gwaine hasn't shown up before today since he has been home. Groaning aloud, Merlin responds.

  
  


“Fine, let's go. But I get to pick the bar this time.” Merlin responded, after he realized that he was fighting a losing battle. While grabbing his jacket and keys, Merlin wondered – yet again – if Gaius would let him come back to work early.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like the chapter? I would like to hear from you.
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> Merlin's therapy session with Dr. Jonas. Arthur will be present.  
> Morgana and Leon have that talk.   
> Merlin has another house guest.  
> And much more.
> 
> Remember, kudos and reviews are like chocolates. You can never have enough of it.


	38. Learning How To Cope – To Live - Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a very big chapter that had to be broken up into two. It was part of the delay in posting. I wanted to break the chapter at the right part of it. We're not to far from the finish line for this story everyone. We have a few major scenes left, some loose ends, some time jumps (not big - I hate time jumps), a few more major scenes, a few more, and a two to three part Epilogue. So thank you to those who have stuck it out with me through this story and thank you to the new comers. And don't be shy, please don't hesitate to review after the end of each chapter. It really makes a difference to me to hear your thoughts.

 

  
Chapter 38

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Learning How To Cope – To Live - Part One_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Merlin's _Therapy Session_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

  
  


“Do you have your homework assignments with you?” Dr. Jonas asked.

  
  


Merlin nodded, passing Dr. Jonas' the journals with his recordings while Arthur watched on.

  
  


“Now, here is the main question. As you know, these journals are meant to help you. It is meant to see how you are coping on the daily basis. How you are sleeping, eating, and managing with the experiences you have been having during the treatments. It is meant to see if there are any improvements or if there are any set backs. I cannot fully treat you properly unless this information is accurate. Medicine is not meant to be a stumbling block for you, and setbacks are not meant to be a weakness, but without knowledge – full knowledge – of what is happening with you, it may be difficult to set the proper course of action for your recovery. With that being said, I need to know if everything you recorded in these journals are true.” Dr. Jonas looked at Merlin expectantly for an answer, eyes knowing, but waiting.

  
  


Merlin swallowed, hard. He turned slightly to Arthur, before turning back to Dr. Jonas. Arthur didn't say anything, but he already had a feeling of what Merlin's answer would be. If he told the truth. 

  
  


But to Arthur's surprise....

  
  


Merlin closed his eyes tightly for about ten seconds before he opened them and responded, “no, they are not completely accurate.”

  
  


And to _both_ Merlin and Arthur's surprise, Dr. Jonas smiled before responding, “thank you, Merlin, for your honesty. It is the first good sign for your recovery. The first good sign that you are willing to do what it takes to get better. That you want to get better. The first sign that you still have some control over how quickly that process will be.”

  
  


“I don't understand.” Merlin stated, while pressing the bridge of his nose.

  
  


“You see, you did not answer your logs truthfully. If you continued to lie about it your treatment would not be the best treatment catered to you, to aid you in your recovery. Your admittance of it tells me that you want help, that you know that you need help, whether you fully admit to it or not.” Dr. Jonas took a sip of her tea before continuing. And for the first time, Arthur thought the doctor was good at what she did in her profession. Dr. Jonas spoke on, “In order to get past this, as you say, you have to be willing to be honest with me. Despite what people say about psychotherapist, we are _not_ mind-readers. We can only help our patients that are willing to help themselves. And up until this point, it seemed as though you were still rejecting that help. You made it no secret that you were against this from the start, according to your records. That you agreed to these treatments more to appease your loved ones. But you see, the problem with that is that you can take a horse to the water but you can't force the horse to drink. You have to be willing to help yourself, you have to be willing to accept the treatments, and you have to be willing to be honest. It makes the process easier. And it shows progress, otherwise, the treatments can be completely different or fail altogether.”

  
  


“I just want it all to stop.” Merlin said softly rubbing his temples, and Dr. Jonas smiled again. Arthur's heart clenched at how small Merlin looked at that moment.

  
  


“I understand from the phone call that I received that you had a rough night one evening last week. Can you tell me about it?”

  
  


Arthur wanted to know more too.

  
  


Merlin took a deep breath but nodded. “Mordred came to see me. It was a surprise, I wasn't expecting him.” Sensing some of Arthur's tension Merlin turned to him. “Not in a bad way. Mordred and I previously agreed to meet up again, he wanted to me to meet Tristan. I guess I was just surprised by his arrival because he didn't attempt to call first. It's not like my number has changed.” Arthur nodded.

  
  


“And what happened then?” Dr. Jonas pressed. It was very important for Merlin to feel comfortable sharing and expressing himself. This was the most open Merlin has been for any of his meetings past or present, according to Dr. Jonas' records.

  
  


“He looked for me at work and was told that I was taking some time off. That's why he came over. Everything was fine at first, we talked, and then I went into the kitchen for snacks and refreshments.” Merlin took a deep breath before continuing. “I started feeling sick shortly afterward. I felt hot, my heart felt like it was racing, my skin clammy, and the next thing I knew I was having a vivid memory.” Merlin stopped for a moment, and took a huge gulp of water from his water bottle before continuing. “I was at the cabin again. It was like everything was happening again. I could see it, feel it, hear it. I felt... I felt trapped. I kept trying to strain for control.”

  
  


“And that is when you went to a full blown panic attack.” The doctor added with a nod. It wasn't a question. 

  
  


“Yes.” Merlin answered anyway.

  
  


Arthur didn't say anything. He did however, take Merlin's hand that was closest to him, turned it over, slitted their fingers together, and squeezed it, palm to palm, in comfort. She watched as Merlin's shoulders started to slump from where it was tense and saw him begin to relax again. She then reviewed her notes, scanning it through before asking carefully, “I know that you have difficulty talking about what has happened. It's been documented in notes several times along with what has been transferred to me. Can you share with me why?”

  
  


She watched as Merlin's shoulders tensed again, but she also saw how Merlin gripped Arthur's hand a little tighter before responding. 

  
  


“I felt ashamed. Like somehow I was responsible for what happened. Like I could have done something different. And by talking about it, I felt weak. Like I couldn't cope on my own. Like I was just as weak as Valiant always claimed I was all those years ago. Like something must have been wrong with me if I couldn't.” Merlin responded in a low tone. If you weren't listening carefully you would have missed it. 

  
  


Both Dr. Jonas and Arthur heard.

  
  


“Do you really think there was something else you could have done or that you are weak for needing help?” Dr. Jonas asked.

  
  


Merlin swallowed hard, before answering, “I replayed things over and over in my head but I can't seem to see a different outcome.”

  
  


“And what about feeling weak?” Dr. Jonas asked.

  
  


“Sometimes I still do. I know I have to depend on others but I don't want to. I want to do it on my own. Or rather, I would like to be able to do it on my own that is. But at the same time I know that I can't. Not now, and who knows? I may not ever be able to.” Merlin answered back quietly. 

  
  


“If this happened to a loved one would you consider them weak for needing help? Would you not want them to rely on you or other sources for the help that they needed? Would you not want to be there to help if needed?” Dr. Jonas asked.

  
  


Merlin seemed appalled. “No! How can they be weak when it was something beyond their control...” Merlin stopped abruptly and Dr. Jonas smiled.

  
  


“Do you understand now Merlin?” The doctor asked.

  
  


“Yes.” Merlin answered, giving a small smile in response. 

  
  


“Do you have any questions for me?” Dr. Jonas asked expectantly.

  
  


“How can I stop all of the panic attacks and the onslaughts of memories? What is happening to me?”

  
  


“What I see is that you are fighting the memories and fighting your thoughts. Your body is responding to by your lack of appetite, lack of sleep, nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks. Fighting it is not helping your recovery. Not talking about what has happened is not helping your recovery. Your mind is trying to find a way to deal with it all and that is why you are having these repressed memories spring to life, the triggers are coming easier too for that reason. That is also why the nightmares and panic attacks are increasing. And while you are trying to fight your mind, your body is becoming weaker. Thus, your lack of sleep and appetite.” Dr. Jonas said, making notes in her notebook. Again, Arthur had to think Dr. Jonas was good.

  
  


“In order to heal you have to allow the memories to come. You can't fight it. That will reduce the panic attacks and even the triggers. By processing it, that will help reduce the nightmares. It will also help me determine whether we may have to give in to the medication, as it stands, it is still a last resort unless necessary, like the other evening with the sedative.” Dr. Jonas sat her notebook down for a moment before continuing. “Fighting all of the feelings and the memories are not helping because it is finding it's own way to manifest to cope, and the most unhealthy ways for you, your body, and your mind. Your body and mind is trying to find it's own way actually, trying to find a way heal itself. While another part of your mind is just trying to file everything into an internal draw so to speak, to never to deal with again. What you are dealing with are the results.” Dr. Jonas took another sip of her tea. She paused before continuing, almost in thought. “You have to accept the memories, whether it be good or bad. You have to process those memories. See them through, so to speak. As you do, it is also very important that you talk to someone else about it. Use your friends and family for this, Merlin, believe me, they want to help. Or if you feel uncomfortable about doing that, you have the logs, we can discuss it during our sessions. But the process will be easier for you if you attack it then, by getting the feelings off of your chest while it is there, instead of waiting to process the emotions later. As you process the thoughts, as you speak of it, it's hold on you will not be as strong as it is now. As you process it, without trying to smother it, your body will stop fighting you. The panic attacks will not be as frequent. As you previously stated, your full blown panic attack occured while you are fighting to maintain control correct?”

  
  


Merlin nodded.

  
  


“And you felt some of the results of that.” Dr. Jonas set her tea cup down before grabbing her notebook again to add something to it. Arthur and Merlin wondered separately just how much did Dr. Jonas have to record. She continued. “There is nothing wrong with having control Merlin. In fact, by not filing everything away, by not repressing it and tackling it head on, you are taking back control of your life. By processing it then, instead of trying to fight it later as the memories break through your defenses you control how you react to it.”

  
  


“Will it stop the attacks?”

  
  


“I can't guarantee that. I do think it will reduce it considerably though. But everyone is different, I cannot say that it will go away completely. But I can say that you will be better equipped to handle it.”

  
  


“And the eating and the sleeping?” Arthur couldn't help to ask.

  
  


“As Merlin begins to process things his mind will not be working overtime. It won't be on guard to block and protect 24/7, and as that happens his sleeping should be much better, less... restless. As he processes things, his mind and body won't feel at war with the other and Merlin won't feel like his nerves are going to snap internally.” (Merlin looked Dr. Jonas, his expression – surprise) “His appetite will start coming back then. In the mean-time, Merlin will have to make himself responsible for eating at least six small meals a day. Can you do that Merlin? Along with documenting accurate information throughout the week?”

  
  


There was a challenge in Dr. Jonas' tone. And something in Merlin kicked in to answer it. Merlin never backed down from a challenge. “I can.” Merlin found himself saying before his thought process finished catching up to him.

  
  


Dr. Jonas paused. “It is going to be a process gentlemen. It's going to take some work. There is no quick fix, and I think to some extent that is what you were looking for Merlin when you first came here Merlin. You wanted to put everything behind you but you didn't want to deal with any of it. And now you have found out that life does not work that way. While you have learned to function after your past relationship and your previous experience, it did not take away from the fact that those events itself did in fact _happen_. And while your mind and body did an excellent job in protecting you before, your mind and body does have it's limits. And that is what we are going to focus on here.” 

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_It's Gwen's turn_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

  
  


Merlin is disturbed again by the ringing of the doorbell. Fortunately, he _is_ dressed this time. “This is starting to get annoying,” Merlin muttered to himself. The only thing that is positive about having daily visitors is that it keeps his mind off of anything else that may have been bothering him at the time. Basically because, he doesn't have time to think about it. That doesn't mean that he would like to have a guest though. The doorbell ranged again. Merlin called out that he was coming. The distance from the bedroom to the door is no quick trip. Exasperated, Merlin swings the door open to find a startled Gwen. 

  
  


Which is all Merlin's fault for yanking the door open.

  
  


“Merlin!” Gwen says with a hand to her chest.

  
  


“Gwen, I'm-”

  
  


“Is there something wrong?” Gwen asked worriedly.”

  
  


“No! No, I'm sorry. It's just, sometimes I get annoyed by the sound of the doorbell.” ' _And your own thoughts'_ , Merlin added silently. Gwen raised a brow.

  
  


“No bother. I knew you were home and I was on my way to take the twins to the park and stop for lunch and since your home I thought... why not grab Merlin and take him along with us. I could certainly use another adult to talk to. It's been a while since I've seen you and your twin godchildren have missed you so much. We can go to that Greek restaurant that you liked so much the last time we went together and then we could -” 

  
  


Merlin could just tell that Gwen was nervous and knew that a nervous Gwen was a rambling on Gwen. Merlin's head was starting to hurt already. He sighed, and decided, for the sake of them both, that it was time to intervene.

  
  


“Gwen!”

  
  


Gwen startled for a moment. “Yes, Merlin.”

  
  


“It's fine, I'd love to go. Just let me grab my jacket and keys, yeah?” And really, even if it wasn't fine, Merlin would not have been able to say _no_ to Gwen. 

  
  


“Sounds great. Make sure you grab a warm jacket though, it's chilly outside today.” Gwen responded in a motherly tone.

  
  


Merlin reached out for one of his thick flannel jackets before meeting Gwen back at the door only to find that she made it to the foyer area.

  
  


“All set?” Gwen asked with a smile.

  
  


“All set.” Merlin replied with a big smile.

  
  


While loading up the truck.

  
  


“How about we drive to the restaurant and then to the park and walk around the park from there? I would normally suggest walking to the park from the restaurant but it is very chilly today and I don't want Morgause and Myridden to get sick.” Gwen states warmly.

  
  


“I probably shouldn't overdo the walking either. That sounds like a good idea.” Merlin says in agreement.

  
  


“How is your physical therapy going?” Gwen asked after they got into the truck and locked on their seat belts before turning the truck on, setting it to drive, and taking off. 

  
  


“It's going great actually. The physical therapist actually recommended an end to the therapy as long as I promised to follow the exercise regiment they set out for me daily. She told me that at the last session but we're still waiting for final approval to see if that will be okay.” Merlin said with a little excitement in his tone.

  
  


“I am so happy for you, Merlin. I know that physical therapy can definitely be a challenge but it sounds like you are getting back to where you need to be.” Gwen replied while reaching a hand out to squeeze Merlin's shoulder.

 

Merlin looks in the back seat and comments, “I see I won't be able to play with the twins right now.” Merlin finds it a little awkward with Gwen. He knows that she is only looking out for him but like the others, he knows that she is also waiting for an opportunity to get him to open up. The difference with Gwen? She reminds him of his mother. She as a mother herself has a natural motherly nature about her. And it more than just her being a mother, Gwen really is a natural, and pure of heart. It makes you just want to hug her and be hugged in return by her while telling her all of your woes. And telling all of his woes is strictly... not on the cards for Merlin right now.

  
  


“I know. They passed out on the way over here. It's the car rides you know, it puts them to sleep every time. Sometimes in the evening, when they can't fall asleep, Lance will load them up in the mini-van and take them on a drive through the neighborhood, it works every time.”

  
  


“I'll bet.”

  
  


“How are things with you Merlin?” 

  
  


“Busy actually.” Merlin pepped up. “It seems like my day and night cards have been really full. I wake up in the morning, shower and dress, have my physical therapy sessions when scheduled and have my psychotherapy sessions when scheduled, and when not I find myself with an array of visitors.” Merlin had a slight sound of annoyance as he said the last part of his sentence. An annoyance that was completely noticed _and_ ignored by Gwen. Merlin continued. “Haven't had much time to myself actually. It almost seems like a set up won't you say?” Merlin tilts his head to the side, raises a brow, and looks at Gwen. They were at a stop light now which meant that Gwen was unable to pretend to focus on her driving. Gwen had the good grace to look a tad bit guilty.

  
  


“We were all just worried about you Merlin.” Gwen says while running a hand through Merlin's hair and spiking it up even more before the light turned green and they were moving again.

  
  


“I know, and I'm sure that Arthur had something to do with it too.” Merlin said with an accusing tone and a frown.

  
  


“Arthur may have been worried but the decision to all come together was made by everyone Merlin, not just Arthur. We were all worried about you, maybe all for different reasons of course, but worried just the same. Not to mention, it helps give you and Arthur a break and gives us a chance to see you too.” Gwen intentionally did not add that they also wanted to help Arthur to make sure that Merlin was eating and getting worn out enough properly to ensure that he rested too. Nor did she mention that they also wanted to guard Merlin away from unwanted visitors. She somehow did not think that any of that information would be received very well. Instead, she continued, “Too much confined time together can really put a strain on a relationship. I know that from personal experience of course, when I took care of Lance after his car accident some years back after we first got married. I wanted to kill him myself with my bare hands when it was all over.” Gwen said with a giggle, like she was remembering fond memories. And Gwen was because as she remembered the hardships of the exercise regiments, the hardships of practically being Lance's servant waiting on him hand and foot, and the arguments, she also remembered the recovery, the improvements, and all of the make up sex she and Lance had that ended up _unintentionally_ adding to Lance's daily exercise regiments. Gwen didn't know that one couple could have that much sex or that it was even allowed in a relationship until then. Gwen was blushing red just thinking about it.

  
  


It all went unnoticed by Merlin.

  
  


“You don't mean that.”

  
  


“No, I don't mean that I would have killed him, _strangled him maybe_.” Gwen muttered that last part to herself, still smiling, before continuing. “But what I do mean is that I wished I had some sort of a break at the time. A support system so to speak, and I don't want what happened to Lance and I to happen to you and Arthur.”

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**At the Restaurant**

  
  


They drove to the Greek Farmer's restaurant in Notting Hill. Gwen chose the restaurant because she wanted to take the twins to a park that had a duck pond around it. Merlin knew that Gwen really just wanted to feed the ducks (she always wanted to feed the ducks!), and was hiding behind the wants of the twins. Merlin decided it was best not to mention that. The twins slept through the entire lunch at the Greek restaurant while Gwen and Merlin enjoyed their meals. The restaurant had daily meals planned out but Gwen was able to manage a special order for herself and for Merlin.

  
  


“Pendragon sends lots of business their way and we use them to cater many of our business meetings. Of course they would do a special favor for the woman that made that business happen for them Merlin.”

  
  


Gwen ordered the Kotopoulo Me Manitaria Kai Ryzi - Chicken Cooked w/ Mushrooms & Rice, while Merlin ordered the Pasticcio - Greek Pasta w/ Minced Beef Topped w/ Béchamel Sauce. They also ordered some apple cider for their drinks. 

  
  


“So... Gwen, how did you manage to get the afternoon off?” Merlin asked curiously while taking a bite of his meal.

  
  


“It's one of the benefits of having one of your best friends as your boss dear Merlin.” Gwen replied with a smile.

  
  


“Oh, I know that. I was just wondering how Arthur is managing without you?” Merlin replies cheekily.

  
  


“You'd be surprised, Merlin. Arthur is not as high maintenance as some people seem to think. Besides, his afternoon schedule was filled with meetings between his father and Morgana. There wasn't anything serious that needed tending to.” Gwen responded.

  
  


“Arthur's having meetings with Uther. Should I hide out for the evening?” Merlin asked jokingly, but with a hint of seriousness in his tone as well.

  
  


Gwen watched Merlin's progress of eating and waited for him to take another bite before responding, “Arthur will be fine. Uther has changed a lot over the last few months. Even Morgana has toned down a lot. Arthur is not nearly as stressed in the workplace as he had been before.” Gwen winced a little internally at that comment. She didn't mean to imply that Arthur's stress was instead coming from home. She changed discussion topics instead.

  
  


“So... you went to see Dr. Jonas this week right? Was your session productive?” Gwen asked while taking a long sip of her apple cider.

  
  


Merlin, surprised by the quick change in topic sat up straighter and nodded before answering, “Yeah, it was. This was the first session that I thought some progress was actually made. And you know that I was against therapy from the start.”

  
  


After swallowing a bite of her food Gwen replied, cautiously, “I think that the key to progress being made is admitting that progress is necessary.”

  
  


Merlin took a long sip of his apple cider before asking, “How so?”

  
  


“We'll it's easy to go to therapy or to say that you will accept therapy but the hardest part of it all is to actually admit that you need therapy.” Gwen responded while taking another bite of her meal. She took a sip of her apple cider before continuing. “I think... once you actually admit to needing something it makes it easier to accept the suggestions that are made. To be... to be more receptive to it that is.”

  
  


“I guess you're right.” Merlin responded.

  
  


For the rest of the meal Gwen talked about her doctor appointments for the new baby set to be on board and how ecstatic Lance is. She talked about them thinking about purchasing a bigger house and talked about Lance's new promotion to the head of Human Resources at Pendragon. Gwen talked about the house warming for Percival and Mithian that they all are invited to for the next weekend and talked about the coming annual pub night. “I think they're expecting a big turn out this year for the annual pub night.” She also talked about the charitable ball for Pendragon that was coming up in the next couple of weeks as well. Merlin hadn't heard anything about the ball yet.

  
  


Gwen attempted to reassure Merlin. “Arthur's been so busy and you both have had such a full deck as of late. He probably hasn't had a chance to bring it up yet.”

  
  


Merlin wasn't so sure. He couldn't help but feel just a bit insecure. Considering the fact that he hasn't been the best boyfriend lately. “Yeah, that must be it.” Merlin replied trying to convince himself instead. Gwen caught on to the tone. Not knowing how to respond she changed tactics again by saying,

  
  


“We'll eat up.” Gwen said cheerily. “The quicker we finish eating the quicker we can get to the park.”

  
  


And Merlin did. He didn't realize until later that he was finally starting to get some of his taste buds back. But he couldn't help the sad feeling in his gut that took residence. The feeling that said that he needed to not take things for granted because things taken for granted can easily be lost. 

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


And Merlin was right about his assumptions for the trip to the park. The park _was_ mainly about walking around and Gwen wanting to feed the ducks the bread crumbs she brought along -- _from home_. And the walk actually did do him some good. 

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Back at Home**

 

After Merlin returned home he had a few good hours left to himself before Arthur was due to return home for the evening. He took another shower and straightened up the manor. Not that it was messy to begin with. Arthur seemed to have an undiagnosed case of OCD. Then he grabbed a beer and sat down on the living room to watch a DVD of Doctor Who.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Arthur's return back Home**

  
  


Merlin was snoozing on the coach when Arthur returned home. Arthur was actually happy to see that Merlin was resting. He decided not to wake him up just yet. He watched him for a few minutes instead, looking for anything that may be different. Arthur was happy to see the purple marks gone from under Merlin's eyes that were previously there. Arthur was also happy to see that Merlin was starting to get more color on his cheeks back again. It made him feel good knowing that the plan to have rotated shifts was actually beginning to work. And knowing that Merlin was eating and resting, and not to mention safe, made all of the difference. Arthur took the throw blanket and settled it over Merlin. He then turned off the Doctor Who episode that was running before going to shower and change before starting dinner.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_The Plan_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Arthur was putting the avocado soup in the refrigerator to chill when Merlin finally woke and joined him in the kitchen. Merlin walked up to him from behind once Arthur closed the refrigerator and wrapped his arms around him before giving him a kiss on the back of the neck and asking, “Hey you, when did you get home?”

  
  


Arthur responded by holding on to those arms for a moment and then turning around to give Merlin a chaste kiss on the lips. “About a half hour a so ago. I didn't want to wake you.”

  
  


“I wished you did. I missed you.” Merlin responded before wrapping his arms around Arthur's neck. There was something about a freshly showered Arthur smelling all good and looking all good and refreshed that made Merlin's body react in a way that was very far from decent. 

  
  


Arthur body automatically responded to Merlin's too and Merlin found his back resting against the refrigerator door all of a sudden. But Arthur wasn't ready or sure of whether to push anything just yet. He really needed to talk about that in group therapy, Arthur thought to himself. He responded instead, “I missed you too.” Arthur kissed Merlin, lightly this time, sucking on Merlin's bottom lip before adding, “I better get the rest of the ingredients into the pot before anything sticks. I'm making one of your favorites tonight, lamb, potato, and pearl barley stew.”

  
  


“Sounds yummy. I haven't had that dish in a while.” Merlin replied before kissing Arthur one more time and letting go. He watched as Arthur started adding the some of the diced carrots and onions in the sauce pan with the lamb neck before casually stating,

  
  


“So..., I got a call from my mum today. She said that she's coming over to spend a week with us within the next few weeks before I go back to work. Did you know anything about that?” Merlin asked while turning directly in Arthur's line of sight. 

  
  


Arthur turned directly away to begin dicing the potatoes before responding, “No, I haven't heard. But it would be nice to have her back. I'll make sure that the kitchen is fully stocked before her arrival and that the guest room is set up.” Arthur says now turning back to Merlin, “I loved having her here.” And then he shoves a piece of carrot in Merlin's mouth before moving on to dice more potatoes.

  
  


“Hmmhmm,” Merlin responds around a mouth full of carrots, realizing that he was not going to get a truthful answer there Merlin changes the subject, _for now._ He finishes his carrot before asking, “And what's the plan for tonight again.”

  
  


Arthur turns back to Merlin now, resuming their eye contact, before responding. “Morgana and Leon are coming over for dinner and then they are going to help us clean out the attic upstairs. They don't know that the other will be here so that part will be a surprise -”

  
  


“And you think they will be alright with that?”

  
  


“No... not at first, but they will thank us later. They both just have too much pride to actually put their feelings aside for a moment to talk -”

  
  


“And you wouldn't know anything about that would you?” Arthur rolls his eyes before shoving another piece of carrot in Merlin's mouth. And Merlin couldn't help but notice that Arthur had been feeding him by hand a lot lately. And now he's finding it very handy in his attempt to shut him up...

  
  


“Just listen for a moment,” Arthur responded. “They need to talk. They _want_ to talk, but too much time is passing and they have too much pride to admit that the other is wrong. When in fact, no one is actually wrong, per se, they just have a difference of opinion on a very critical subject is all. They need to talk it out. This is just my contribution as brother and best friend.” Arthur pauses before taking a sip of his wine. “The plan is the dinner and while we are cleaning up in the attic we,” Arthur waves a hand between them, “will find an excuse to leave. Maybe to get some more wine or something, and then we are going to pretend that the lock is stuck -”

  
  


And Merlin, being Merlin, interrupts again. “And you really think that they are going to fall for this?”

  
  


Another carrot...

  
  


“It can happen.” Arthur responds a little defensively. Merlin raises a brow.

  
  


“Well it can.” Arthur says again. “We will lock them in and we will leave them there long enough to give them the time to talk and then we will let them go.”

  
  


“And then they will be mad at us.” Merlin pouts while chewing his piece of carrot.

  
  


Arthur wipes that pout off of Merlin's face with a kiss. Just that small kiss sent a shiver down Merlin's spine. “No, no one will ever be mad at you my luv. You are too adorable. Everyone just wants to hold and squeeze you like their favorite teddy bear and protect you from harm.” Merlin snorted. Arthur continued, “No, they will blame it on _me_ as always.” Arthur says with a smirk. “But once they're finishing blaming me they will thank me too. And it doesn't matter. What will matter is that they would have talked. That's what they need the most.”

  
  


  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Dinner with Morgana and Leon_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

  
  


Morgana, as always, was the first to arrive with a bakery box in hand. And as _always_ , Merlin answers the door.

  
  


“Merlin,” Morgana says while pulling Merlin into a big hug, being careful not to harm the box, “how are you doing?”

  
  


“Much better, thank you. And thank you for what you did for me that night too. I don't know how I would have gotten through if you and Arthur hadn't shown up when you had.” Merlin answered truthfully.

  
  


Morgana nodded, “We'll we did. No need to dwell on the what could have happens when we can be happy with the actualities, yeah?”

  
  


Merlin nodded back in agreement.

  
  


“Now, where is that dear little brother of mine?” Morgana asked looking around before answering her own question. “He's in the kitchen right?”

  
  


“You know him so well,” Merlin responds with a grin.

  
  


“I know that he loves to cook. Though he will probably never admit it. It relaxes him. Even when we were little. When father would be at work so late in the evening, it was Arthur that made sure that we didn't starve.”

  
  


“I know. And now he feeds me, and I love a man who knows his way around the kitchen.” Merlin says this with a big smile that lights up his whole face. Morgana beams at him in response.

  
  


“Well I'll just go and check on his progress now shall I.” She gives Merlin another hug and a kiss on the cheek before going to join Arthur in the kitchen.

  
  


“Hello, little brother.” Morgana says with a smile, “I stopped by the bakery like you asked to purchase the custard pie on order. What are you making for us tonight?”

  
  


Arthur gives Morgana a kiss on the cheek and passes her a glass of wine before responding, “Cold Avocado soup for appetizers and lamb, potato, and pearl barley stew for the main course. The lamb stew is Merlin's favorite.” Arthur adds with a smile.

  
  


“Sounds good. Merlin looks like he is a lot more healthier from the last time I saw him. Cheers to you dear brother.” Morgana says while raising a glass of her white wine.

  
  


“Cheers to us all. I don't think I could have done it all by myself.”

  
  


“It wasn't meant for you too.”

  
  


The doorbell ranged again.

  
  


Morgana raised a brow suspiciously at Arthur. “I didn't know that you were inviting anyone else. Who else did you invite?” Morgana's tone took a chilling effect that ran down Arthur's spine when she asked that question.

  
  


“Well... Leon's hasn't been looking very well. It looks like the hotel food hasn't been agreeing with him and who better to help us clean the attack than the one that was with us from the beginning yeah.” Arthur said while turning to check on the stew and grabbing a spoon. “Why don't you take a spoon of this to tell me if I need anything else.” Arthur says quickly while blowing hard on the spoon and while Morgana's mouth opened to speak Arthur quickly put the spoon towards it feeding Morgana into silence.

  
  


Morgana glared at Arthur. Arthur swallowed hard. Morgana chewed the rather big piece of potato that was part of what Arthur pushed into her mouth and chewed quickly before responding. “Arthur, how could you?!”

  
  


“I don't know what your talking about Morgana. I only invited my best mate, your husband by the way to dinner. I thought it was far too long since we got together and thought that it was a great opportunity, _your_ opportunity by the way, to speak with him, without pressure.” Arthur replied while stirring the pot.

  
  


“Arthur, you know -” And it was at that moment Morgana was interrupted by Merlin and Leon's entrance into the kitchen.

  
  


Merlin raised a brow at Arthur while Leon was looking everywhere in the kitchen that he could look at instead of Arthur and Morgana before saying, “sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to say hello and to pass the wine that I purchased on the way.” 

  
  


And Arthur felt horrible for making his best mate feel so uncomfortable. That was before he remembered the reason why he did. Arthur smiled then in return before saying, “No, you didn't interrupt us at all. Right, _Morgana_?”

  
  


Morgana gave Arthur a look that promised retaliation before turning to Leon and saying, “No, no bother at all. Let me take that wine off your hands.” She grabbed it to read that it was a Castle Margaux 1995. The wine itself was not cheap. Morgana and Arthur for that matter enjoyed the particular brand of wine quite well. The wine itself has a color that is almost black but tastes always as smooth as silk. The wine contains keen perfumes of blackberry and cassis and the vineyard it is made from dates back to one thousand years. Morgana understood now that though she may not have caught on to Arthur's plan, Leon certainly had. “Excellent wine choice, Leon.” Morgana said while passing the bottle to Arthur. _If only she could slap Arthur on the head with it, Morgana thought._

  
  


Arthur read the label as well and pulled out the wine bucket, dumping the bag of ice in it that was set aside for the occasion before responding, “Yes it is. Morgana, would you do me a favor and help Leon set up the dining room table please?” Arthur asked with his biggest smile.

  
  


Morgana's tone was sharp when she replied while glaring daggers at Arthur, “why certainly little brother.” 

  
  


Merlin thought it would best be safe to stand behind the kitchen island – as _far_ away from Morgana as possible. Because no matter what – Merlin thought – Arthur is still Morgana's little brother, Merlin however, might just get caught in the crossfire. Merlin could see himself as being considered collateral damage. And these were Pendragons and Leon, a life-time friend. They could easily make Merlin's death look like an accident. Merlin could only hope for a proper funeral. And for someone to take care of his mum. Yep, he stayed far away.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like the chapter? I would like to hear from you?
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> Morgana and Leon have that talk  
> Morgana and Arthur have a different talk  
> Merlin and Leon moments too.  
> Mithian and Percival's housewarming party  
> Arthur's group therapy  
> And much, much more..
> 
> Depending on the word count you may see some of the last parts in the chapter after next. The word count for next chapter is already high and I haven't gotten to the housewarming  
> and the group therapy yet.
> 
> Kudos, reviews, and bookmarks are welcomed.


	39. Learning How To Cope – To Live - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Pendragon and Dubois family history.  
> Merlin and Arthur team up to bring Leon and Morgana back together.  
> Leon and Morgana have that much needed talk.  
> And more talks will come about from those.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for any errors.

Chapter 38

  
  


“ _Well... Leon's hasn't been looking very well. It looks like the hotel food hasn't been agreeing with him and who better to help us clean the attack than the one that was with us from the beginning yeah.” Arthur said while turning to check on the stew and grabbing a spoon. “Why don't you take a spoon of this to tell me if I need anything else.” Arthur says quickly while blowing hard on the spoon and while Morgana's mouth opened to speak Arthur quickly put the spoon towards it feeding Morgana into silence._

  
  


_Morgana glared at Arthur. Arthur swallowed hard. Morgana chewed the rather big piece of potato that was part of what Arthur pushed into her mouth and chewed quickly before responding. “Arthur, how could you?!”_

  
  


“ _I don't know what your talking about Morgana. I only invited my best mate, your husband by the way to dinner. I thought it was far too long since we got together and thought that it was a great opportunity, your opportunity by the way, to speak with him, without pressure.” Arthur replied while stirring the pot._

  
  


  
  


***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

Chapter 39

  
  


***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

  
  


**The Dinner**

  
  


  
  


The avocado soup and the lamb stew was definitely a hit at dinner. There were no leftovers. The custard pie went just as fast as the two couples made an eight person pie turn into a four person pie instead. The wine went done so smoothly as well and before anyone knew it they were working on a second bottle of wine.

  
  


They talked about Merlin's job and if he was ready to go back to work. Merlin said how he has been trying to get Gaius to let him come back and how Gaius added another week to his punishment just for 'harassing' him. Merlin threatened to go to Gaius' boss and Gaius threatened to add an additional week to Merlin's sabbatical. Needless to say, Merlin did _not_ argue any further.

  
  


They talked about Gwaine and Elena's wedding planning. Morgana said that Elena absolutely adored the wedding dress that she and Merlin picked out together. She told Morgana that the seamstress is almost finished making the gown. “Expect your invitations in the mail within the next few weeks or so.” Morgana told them.

  
  


Leon asked about Arthur's group therapy sessions and Arthur discussed it briefly. 

  
  


Arthur said to those present. “It wasn't bad actually. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't that. I met a lot of nice people. The first week was more of a getting to know you kind of thing. We all introduced ourselves and told a little bit about why we were there. And then afterward, those who felt more inclined to discuss how they coped through the previous week did so. It felt more like a support group than anything else but I enjoyed it just the same.”

  
  


“Did anyone notice who?” Leon asked.

  
  


“I think they all did but it wasn't about me in that meeting. It was about a group of people coming together for a common purpose with hopes to find ways to make difficult life situations much easier to deal with.”

  
  


“Why Arthur that actually sounded quite mature of you, dear.” Morgana commented while stabbing into a piece of her lamb, clearly, still upset by the surprise dinner arrangement. 

  
  


Merlin decided to jump in there, while it was safe. “It sounds like you enjoyed yourself, well... as best as you could under the circumstances.” 

  
  


Arthur nodded at Merlin. Arthur then took a different tone before saying, “I did. I was thinking, well, after it is through, that maybe I might look into how to start a support group for secondary survivors or set up donations for the cause. And depending on how you felt..., possibly set up another group for survivors as well.”

  
  


Morgana almost dropped her glass of wine in surprise and Leon's brows went to his hairline. 

  
  


Merlin was stunned for a moment also before recovering quickly, he visibly shook himself out of it. “If that is possible I think that it would be a wonderful idea.” Merlin stated with a fond expression on his face shining through.

  
  


As dinner conversation continued Arthur asked Leon about one of his cases. As the discussion began to border into more in depth territories Merlin admonished Arthur for breaking their agreed upon rule at the dinner table. Morgana and Leon raised a brow, intrigued.

  
  


Arthur only replied, “yes dear,” to Merlin. Like this was something said on a number of occasion by either party.

  
  


Morgana and Leon's eyes met, they then turned to focus on Arthur and Merlin. Leon gave them ten seconds of silence before asking, “care to share?”

  
  


Arthur sighed inwardly before responding. “It's fairly simple. The rule is to not talk about work at the dinner table. We decided that the dinner table was part of our private time to talk and to share. We also decided that work could only be mentioned if it was a burden for us during the day but not as a general discussion piece. It was something that Merlin and I agreed to shortly after he moved in.”

 

“A rule that you made actually and I agreed to.” Merlin added.

  
  


“A rule that _we_ agreed to. It was meant to be a form of keeping communication going. Especially as _some_ of us have a gift for changing the subject as it suits them.” 

  
  


“And I wonder exactly who that someone is?” Leon said.

  
  


And that opened up a whole can of worms, which opened up to a broader topic, as everyone tried to say that this did not apply to them, while at the same time feeling the tension in the room because of the unwanted or unavoidable conversations that needed to happen.

  
  


Merlin could only think while taking a bite out of his custard pie that it was going to be a long night. That is... if he and Arthur live to see tomorrow with what they have planned for Morgana and Leon.

  
  


  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**The Attic**

  
  


After dinner, Leon, Morgana, Merlin, and Arthur found their way up the spiral staircase to the attic. 

  
  


“What's on the agenda here little brother?” Morgana asked.

  
  


“We'll, as you know, this is where mother stored a lot of memories for us when we were younger, and in carrying the tradition after mother's death, father did the same. That means-”

  
  


Leon looked around and was astonished to see something that he hadn't seen in years. “Oh my gods, Arthur, is that your first bicycle sitting in the corner?” Arthur followed Leon's line of sight and indeed it was his first bicycle sitting in the corner.

  
  


“And mine too.” Morgana said while walking over to the corner. 

  
  


Merlin's eyes light up. “Superman and Wonder Woman bikes? Really?”

  
  


Morgana smacks Merlin on the shoulder. “I'll have you know those bikes were the thing when Arthur and I first got them.”

  
  


Merlin turned to Leon. “And pray tell us Leon, what did you have.”

  
  


Leon coughed. “Batman.” And the four of them laughed.

  
  


Merlin started pulling shelves open. “There's some clothes in here too.” The room was surrounded with shelves and drawers, almost like what you would find in a store for purchase. There were tags placed on every item with either Morgana or Arthur's name labeled in front of it along with their age at the time and the date that the item was placed in the room.

  
  


Morgana followed Merlin over to one of the shelves in the center of the room to find lots of tiny items.

  
  


She turned to Arthur. “Arthur have you really not been in here before?” 

  
  


Arthur looked sheepish. “Well, no, not really. Not enough to really pay attention to anything that is. You know that the family kept two attics in this manor. One for the memories and one for the storage. I tend to use the one for storage most often so I don't have much cause to come in here. I always wanted to leave everything that mother and father placed in here, as is. As it stands, I only want it organized if anything is out of place, but not discarded or destroyed.” 

  
  


“Yes, but some of these things can be passed down...” Morgana said as she spoke lower with each passing word and stopped as she actually thought about what she was saying.

  
  


The others weren't fooled.

  
  


“Yes, and we can cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, I am only following the wishes of our parents.” Arthur said before continuing to look around the room.

  
  


“It looks like... like they kept the 'first' of everything that we owned.” Arthur continued.

  
  


“I'd say.” Merlin added. “It looks like a first for everything from birth.” As he looked at the closest shelf and saw baby items placed there. 

  
  


As they opened up drawers and closets and boxes in the attic they came across first shoes, first bottles, first pacifiers, first humidifiers, first clothing sets, first blankets, lost and labeled tooth's, first toys and first toy sets, hair locks, first shoes, first booties, first earrings for Morgana, first watches, baby pictures, pictures from their first dates (how Uther got those will remain a mystery as no one will be brave enough to ask), hair accessories, first skateboard, first helmets, first tuxedo and evening gowns, journals, first book bags, first report cards – for each year, including university... and etc. All in pristine condition.

  
  


“No wonder we never kept any of these things for long growing up.” Morgana commented as she looked around the room.

  
  


“For long, the way these things look you probably only wore it in the house before they were removed.” Leon added.

  
  


“I remember wearing my watch a lot longer than that.” Arthur said.

  
  


“And I do remember wearing my gown for the first time and Arthur wearing his tuxedo. It was our first formal wear outing with mother and father.” Morgana said.

  
  


“Yeah, they looked so happy that night.” Arthur said while nodding in agreement with a smile at the fond memory.

  
  


Morgana brows were raised and her eyes watered slightly as she continued to look at all of the memories collected throughout the years. The feeling was overwhelming. Morgana turned to Arthur. “Well, it's a good thing father never got to your first condom.” 

  
  


Arthur flushed and Merlin laughed outright which caused Arthur to flush even deeper. Arthur turned to Morgana. “Or your first rabbit vibrator. Could you imagine father's shock if he found one of those in your rooms? You probably would have given him a heart attack.”

  
  


It was Morgana's turn to blush. Leon turned beet red. Arthur smirked – feeling vindicated, and Merlin decided to take pity on all of them.

  
  


“It's like a Pendragon kids museum in here,” Merlin said.

  
  


“If only there was room for our first cars in here.” Morgana said while running a hand over her chin.

  
  


“You do remember father kept our first vehicles in storage when we got our next vehicles right?” Arthur questioned.

  
  


“And now we know why.” Morgana replied, before taking a breath and continuing, “it seems almost too personal to be in here, Arthur.” 

  
  


Arthur's throat was full at the moment thinking of their mother. He was too focused on the white rocking chair in the far corner of the room beside the bay windows and was remembering a moment of being rocked back and forth in that same rocking chair by his mother while she read him the story, 'Jack and the Beanstalk'. He cleared it before responding. “I know, but it was actually father's idea. He has been hinting for me to make sure that it was organized for quite some time now. And since father's no longer the custodian of the manor, after I moved in some years back fulfilling that part of our inheritance father stopped adding to it. Well... he still does add to it, but not officially you see. But as you _can_ see, there isn't a lick of dust in this place, which means my cleaning lady Anna, also hired by father, has access to these rooms and is instructed of how to clean them. I think he left the task of organizing for me to continue but I thought, what a better way to do this then to have those key people who were and are a part of my life to help me.”

  
  


“I would be touched...” Morgana said fondly before continuing, “if I didn't know you were just trying to get out of doing this all by yourself.”

  
  


**About five minutes later...**

  
  


“Merlin and I are going to go down to the cellar to grab a bottle of champagne. I think it would be befitting since we are looking through the first of things as I have never touched anything in the cellar before either.” Arthur stated.

  
  


“Seriously Arthur. You've lived here for years and still haven't gone in all of the rooms?” Morgana asked, almost shocked.

  
  


“It was mother's family home. It took a lot for me to move in here to begin with. If it weren't for father making me feel guilty after I graduated uni...” Arthur replied, almost defensively.

  
  


Morgana had just taken a seat on the coach before getting up again. “Well, I want to go see the wine cellar too. I know for a fact that father kept it stocked.”

  
  


Arthur groaned internally. “I know that too, and it wouldn't surprise me if he doesn't keep an eye on it, even now. Next go round, yeah? For now, get started sorting through these things. No need for all of us working on the same thing or we'll be working on this attic come next week. And I for one, don't fancy those options.” 

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**20 minutes later**

  
  


**Morgana and Leon**

  
  


“I wonder what's taking them so long to get the champagne?” Morgana asked suspiciously.

  
  


“It depends on where or rather, how far, in the cellar they've gone searching.” Leon answered in response.

  
  


“I'll give them five more minutes before I start searching too. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum could have gotten lost along the way for all we know.” Morgana said with a smirk. Clearly uncomfortable about being left alone with Leon. They haven't had 'the talk' yet and she wasn't entirely sure that she was ready for it yet either. She knew that she was being a coward but there was still some unresolved things that needed to be addressed between them. 

  
  


Leon and Morgana were sorting through the old pictures and placing them in the album. Most of the pictures not added were of the gang over the years. Which meant, either Uther placed them there or had Anna – the housekeeper, place them there instead. And considering the fact that it wasn't placed in the album, one could only assume the latter. There were pictures of Arthur and Leon during their time and Eton. Of Arthur and Gwaine. Of the sports team that included Leon, Gwaine, Elyan, Lancelot, and Percival. And pictures of when Morgana would come up to visit them. There was also pictures of their uni days. Pictures from wild parties, pictures from charitable functions that Uther demanded they'd all attend, and pictures from pub nights, and normal get togethers. They were looking at pictures between Leon and Morgana at the moment. Pictures of their earlier romance. Some before they actually got together. When their smiles were not dimmed, when their eyes were sparkling, and when it looked like the stars and sky was hung for the other. Before the question of children kept rearing it's ugly head. It made Morgana's heart clench and Leon's eyes water. 

  
  


Leon was the first to attempt to break the ice.

  
  


“Do you remember this picture?” Leon asked. Looking at a picture taken during one of Morgana's visits up to Eton. They were having a footie game and Morgana came dressed up like a cheerleader with her Pendragon red cheerleader outfit and her red and white pom poms. She even got Gwen and Elena to do the same. They cheered and cheered loudly.

  
  


Morgana accepted the olive branch for what it was.

  
  


“Of course I remember that picture. Arthur forbade me from attending any more games for the duration of his stay at Eton.” Morgana said with a smile. She remembered that picture for a different reason too. It was at this time that she started developing feelings for Leon. Up until that point she basically turned her nose up at him while he doted on her every word and movement. It was never good on her game when she was trying to date. Whenever Arthur and the guys were at home and she had a date she would manage to leave them alone for a second only to find when she returned to the room that either her date left or that they did not think it would work out after the evening ended. It _really_ put a damper on her love life. Especially when she finally caught Leon openly glaring at one of her dates like he was planning to run him through right where he stood with a sword. Which, _could_ have been possible. Leon, like Arthur and the rest of their mates, was on the fencing team.

  
  


“Like you would do anything Arthur forbade you to do.” Leon commented with a chuckle.

  
  


“It depends on if he's right or not. In that case he was clearly wrong. And as you remember I attended the next weekends' match as well and in the same get up too.” Morgana responded with a grin.

  
  


“I remember. It was the night I decided in my head that I was going to marry you.” Leon said, chuckle gone and now completely serious.

  
  


“I didn't know.” Morgana choked out.

  
  


“Oh! Yes you did. You loved the attention and you knew that I wanted you. Even Arthur knew and it was even harder for him since we're best mates. He thought he was going to lose that.”

  
  


“Like you would have allowed that to happen.” Morgana reminisced.

  
  


“Your right. He stuck by me through all of the hard times in my life. Even during the years where you treated me like crap.”

  
  


“I did not!” Morgana responded indignantly.

  
  


“You made me work for every little bit that I got, admit it.”

  
  


Morgana grinned evilly at that while still managing to look a tad bit guilty. “Well…. Maybe a little bit. I had to know that you would stick it out.”

  
  


“You knew that I was in it for the long haul. We all knew each other since our nappy days. You just needed to know if you would stick around too.” Leon responded in a knowing tone. And Morgana was struck remembering just how much Leon understood her.

  
  


“I'm a Pendragon, we have... commitment issues.”

  
  


“You are a Pendragon and you hide behind saying that as an excuse for being afraid to commit. You forget, I've known you and Arthur just about your whole lives. I actually majored and graduated from the school of Pendragon hard Knox. Tops of the class mind. Your father told me that.” Leon said with a smile.

  
  


“Harde har har.” Morgana replied with a smile.

  
  


“Is that even a word?” Leon asked with a smirk.

  
  


“Yes, look it up. It means Leon is a smart ass.”

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**10 minutes ago**

  
  


**Arthur and Merlin**

  
  


“Why can't we just let them talk and discover the door is locked on their own?” Merlin asked.

  
  


“Because... Morgana is much too smart for that. She'd assume that we locked the door on purpose.” Arthur replied.

  
  


“That you locked the door on purpose you mean.”

  
  


Arthur glared at Merlin and Merlin returned it back.

  
  


“What about Leon, you don't think he will figure it out?” Merlin asked.

  
  


Arthur lied. “Leon is my best friend. He would not suspect that I would do something like that.”

  
  


It didn't work.

  
  


Merlin raised a brow – high.

  
  


“Fine, he would, but he wouldn't be mad at me. He's the forgiving sort. Morgana might not be though. We have to make it all look like an accident. And that means we have to be the ones to notice that the door is jammed.”

  
  


“It sounds like they are getting along well for right now. If going down memory lane is getting on well.” Merlin commented. “But I haven't heard any arguing.” 

  
  


“Memory lane is all well and dandy but it will not get Leon out of the hotel room.”

  
  


“It helps.”

  
  


“It helps, yeah, but they need to talk out their problems too.”

  
  


“And you are such the expert in that category.”

  
  


“No, not an expert, but it doesn't mean that I am incapable of knowing when communication is necessary though. I have only found it more difficult when my counterpart doesn't agree.”

  
  


Neither man said anything for the next few moments after that comment.

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Morgana and Leon**

  
  


“This is ridiculous, something is up. I can smell it.” Morgana said in a frustrated tone.

  
  


Leon looked up from the pictures, curious. “What are you talking about?”

  
  


“Something fishy is going on around here. It's been twenty-five minutes and no one has returned with the champagne or bothered to come up to say anything.”

  
  


“I didn't even noticed that much time had passed.” Leon commented with a small frown.

  
  


“When your waiting for your champagne Leon, trust me, you notice.”

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Outside of the attic door**

  
  


**Arthur and Merlin**

  
  


“They're getting restless in there.” Merlin states while biting on a thumbnail.

  
  


“Just one... more... second.” Arthur replies as he finishes jamming the lock to ensure that neither side would be able to get in or out.

  
  


“You've ruined a perfectly good luck.” Merlin whispered.

  
  


“It will be well worth it if we can get those two back happy again. Besides, I already purchased a new lock to replace this one with so it will be like the lock was so damaged that the only resolution would be for us to change it. This will also be our excuse you see, for how long it will take for us to change it. You have to take in the time for us to fix the current lock, the time it will take to attempt for us to unjam the lock, and the time it will take to dismantle it. If we milk the time than we can pull this off as if it was just a thing that happened.”

  
  


“Yeah right..” Merlin muttered to himself.

  
  


“What was that?” Arthur whispered.

  
  


“They will still know that it wasn't accident. It's.... too convenient.” Merlin whispered back in response.

  
  


“Well, it will have to work won't it?”

  
  


“If you say so.” Merlin responded with a roll of his eyes, before continuing in a whisper. What are we going to do?”

  
  


“Follow my lead,” Arthur replied.

  
  


“Ahh, Merlin, can you do me a favor and grab the door? My hands are full with the champagne and the champagne glasses.” Arthur says, much louder than before and loud enough to be sure that their two captives on the other side of the door can hear as well.

  
  


Merlin glared at Arthur, completely caught off guard, before slumping his shoulders in resolution and attempting to sound natural. “Sure thing, let me step around you to get the door.”

  
  


Merlin attempts to open the door.

  
  


“Merlin? Is there something wrong?” Arthur asks, louder than even before, tone – perfect innocence.

  
  


“I don't know. I can't seem to get the door open.”

  
  


“Did you try turning the knob?” Arthur asked in a condescending tone, dragging the word 'turning' out. And Merlin started thinking of ways that he would make Arthur pay later.

  
  


“Yes, Arthur. I am not an idiot, you prat!” Merlin's voice rising at the end of each word. “I think I do know how to turn a door knob. Considering the fact that I've been doing it from the tender age of two!”

  
  


Arthur had the good graces to look a little sheepish at that.

  
  


“Well, try again.”

  
  


Merlin yanked on the door knob and attempted to turn it in every way before saying, “it's jammed somehow, I can't get it open.”

  
  


That stirred Morgana and Leon on the other end of the door as Merlin and Arthur heard coming foot steps.

  
  


“Arthur... Merlin, is something wrong with the door.” Morgana asked while attempting to open the door from her side to no avail.

  
  


Leon steps to her side. “Let me try.” He starts yanking on the door knob and attempting to turn it in his effort to open the door also finding the doorknob jammed. “Guys, the door is jammed.”

  
  


“Noooo...” Arthur said sarcastically while Merlin said, “really? I never would have guessed considering I have only been trying to open the door for the past five minutes!”

  
  


Arthur turned to Merlin and whispered in his ear to try and tone it down a notch. Merlin rolled his eyes at Arthur again and bit his lip in an attempt to keep his thoughts to himself.

  
  


“Well, open the door Arthur.” Morgana says, hands folded to her chest, using a demanding tone like she expects Arthur to have the door open right this instant. And in normal circumstances, _he would have_.

  
  


“I'm trying Morgana but the door _is_ jammed.”

  
  


“Arthur Matthew Nicholas Dubois-Pendragon! You get this door open right now!”

  
  


“I didn't know you had all of those names attached to your name.” Merlin said to Arthur as he turned to look at him.

  
  


“That's because I don't use all of those names right Morgana Michelle Elizabeth Dubois-Pendragon?”

  
  


Leon turned to Morgana then and Morgana could only look heavenward, taking a deep breath, before responding to the unasked question that she knew Leon would ask by only saying, “ _Don't_ ask.” Leon just shook his head in response. He thought Morgana's full name was Morgana Michelle Dubois-Pendragon.

  
  


Morgana then stomped her feet. “Arthur, this isn't funny. Whatever game you're playing at needs to end now. Open up the door.”

  
  


“I told you the door is jammed. Let me go find my tools and I'll see what I can do. Give me... ten minutes. You and Leon can hang in there for ten minutes yeah? I'm sure there is plenty to _talk_ about in the meantime. Come on Merlin.” Arthur said as he quickly excused himself and Merlin giving the two some privacy in hopes of them having 'the talk'. 

  
  


  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Morgana and Leon**

  
  


Leon turned to Morgana. “So... Morgana Michelle Elizabeth Dubois-Pendragon?”

  
  


Morgana cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “Well, it's not something that comes up in everyday conversation?” Morgana answers in the form of a question.

  
  


“And how long have we known each other and how long have we been married?”

  
  


“All of our lives it seems and for almost two years. But it's not like I use all of those names. I can't even use it all on my passport or drivers license for crying out loud!”

  
  


“I knew all of Arthur's names.” Leon countered.

  
  


“That's because he tells you everything.” Morgana responded back snappishly.

  
  


And Leon raised a brow and ran a hand through his hair. “Not everything. There are times when Arthur goes to you or Gwaine or even Uther for that matter. We don't share everything, not like we used to when we were kids. But what's your excuse.” 

  
  


And Morgana felt just a tad bit guilty in her gut.

  
  


“Do you think that is part of our problem?” Leon asked with a small grin.

  
  


And Morgana braced herself for the conversation that was NOW about to happen thanks to ARTHUR!

  
  


“Maybe, and maybe it's because we were afraid of saying what we were feeling on certain subjects.” Morgana responded in a smaller voice, looking anywhere but at Leon.

  
  


“We?” Leon asked, both brows in the air this time.

  
  


“Fine, me. But I told you that I wasn't ready.” Morgana said while running a hand through her hair and pulling some behind her ear.

  
  


“That was years ago, and you gave the impression that one day you would be. And when I asked about it or wanted to try you clammed up in response. You never actually told me why you've been so reluctant to have children in the first place.” Leon replied back.

  
  


“I'm surprised Arthur didn't tell you. I'm surprised he kept a secret.” Morgana responds back, childishly, knowing that Arthur could – in fact, keep a secret. Pendragon's will turn things into arguments if only to evade what they really do not wish to speak of. Too bad for Morgana that Leon is already up on the Pendragon's game of deflection and is _immune_ to it. 

  
  


“Arthur wouldn't tell me something that is meant for you to tell me. That's part of being a best mate too. To know when to get involved from when not to.” Leon replied quickly.

  
  


“What, like right now?” Morgana tries again to deflect the topic at hand.

  
  


“If this is a set up right now then it is a different type of involvement. And as you can see, still, only you and me.”

  
  


Morgana had to give it to Leon there. He was right.

  
  


Leon continued. “Why don't we take a seat on the coach again while we wait. Who knows how long we're going to be in here for. And you Pendragon's are a stubborn sort. If Arthur has an idea in his head he's not going to relent from it until he get's what he wants.”

  
  


Morgana nods and replies while walking back to the coach, “knowing my little brother, he will have it timed just right for when we're finished.”

  
  


Leon was inclined to agree and could only nod in response before they both sat down on the sofa.

  
  


“So... since we both understand that we are not going to get out of here until we settle our differences I vote for us to attempt to settle ah, I don't know.... settle our differences yeah?” Leon says while scratching his beard.

  
  


“Yeah...” Morgana reluctantly agrees.

  
  


“Can you tell me why we keep arguing over having children or why do you still want to wait? I've read up on some medical reasons as to why some women do not wish to have children or are afraid to, but I don't even know what your reasons are because you've never told me.” Leon took a deep breath before sighing aloud. “Do you even want to have children anymore? Did you ever? Is it me? Are you not sure about us?” Leon's voice broke on the last sentence and the words 'sure' and 'us' hung in the air.

  
  


“Woah Leon, those were a lot of questions.” Morgana chuckled nervously. Leon's face was the picture of one who was serious and who refused to be side-tracked.

  
  


Morgana swallowed -- hard, before attempting to answer. For Leon to be having doubts about himself in all this there had to – definitely, be something wrong. And it almost broke Morgana's heart to hear Leon like this and to know that it was her fault. “It's not your fault Leon. There is nothing that you have done or will do that has made me like this. I don't think there are any medical reasons why either. This is something more about me and my own shortcomings and fears.” 

  
  


“Then what is it?” Leon asked, concerned.

  
  


“I don't, I don't know how to be a mother, Leon.” Morgana responded, and seeing that Leon was waiting for more continued. “Arthur and I were practically raised by a father who treated us coldly. Like pieces on a chess board. Let me... let me just back track a little.” Morgana sighed. “We knew that father loved us, he loved us and he gave us everything that he had. But... he was so torn apart by our mother's death... he lost a chunk of his heart when he lost her and he's just now been able to get some of it back.” Morgana took a deep breath before continuing. “We only got a few good years with our mother. That was all of the training I got on how to be a mother. I'm not like Gwen, Leon. I'm not a natural on raising kids and I didn't want to bring a child into this world to be raised like I was after mother passed away.” Morgana ran a hand over her face before getting up and walking towards the window. “You deserve better than that, Leon.”

  
  


Leon got up immediately and followed Morgana over to the window. He grabbed her with both of his hands around her waist and spun her around, and then he used one hand to tilt her chin just so while using the other hand to support her waist. Using his leverage on Morgana's chin Leon pulled her forward and kissed her passionately and he didn't stop until the need for air was mandatory. When Leon lifted up he rested his forehead on Morgana's, both husband and wife breathing heavily, before saying, “thank you, for telling me.” Leon gave Morgana three more chaste kisses on the lips before kissing Morgana softly on the forehead and continuing. “Thank you, for telling me.” Leon kissed Morgana's lips once more. “Because now I'm going to tell you something and I am only going tell you this once, yeah?” Morgana nodded and Leon placed both hands on Morgana's waist and pulled her close to him and then he leaned in to speak softly in her ear. “You are not your father, and neither is Arthur. You may not have been raised all of your life by your mother but I can see her loving qualities in the both of you. You may try not to show emotions but I can see clearly that they _are_ there. You may be afraid to become like your father but you will only become what you allow yourself to become. If you are worried, strive to take his best qualities. You and Arthur are the best parts of him. And by your speech I can see that this is something that you both are dealing with so I am leaving it to you to make sure that he is well informed of this too by the time him and Merlin decide to adopt, yeah.” Morgana chuckled and nodded, Leon continued. “But back to us, Morgana, I have watched you with Morgause and Myridden, I have watched you help those in need. I saw you fight tooth and nail for Arthur when the chips were down and I saw when you were there for Merlin during the events of both Valiant and Mordred. You are not cold. You are loving and one of the most _compassionate_ woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and I am blessed to call you my wife. I have no doubts that you will be an extraordinary mother and you know what the best part of all of this is?” Leon asked while pushing back to see Morgana's eyes. 

  
  


“What?” Morgana asked, all choked up.

  
  


“The best part is that you won't be doing it alone. You will have me there, every step of the way.” 

  
  


The tears started rolling down Morgana's eyes then and Leon, the dutiful husband, immediately started wiping them away. 

  
  


“I love you, so much.” Morgana said while wrapping her arms around Leon's neck.

  
  


“I love you too.” Leon replied, giving Morgana a kiss on the neck.

  
  


“I'm so sorry.” Morgana said.

  
  


“Don't be sorry. Just say that we are going to make it through this. Tell me that you _want_ to do this, that you want to try. And promise me that we are going to communicate better when it comes down to speaking about our feelings.”

  
  


“I promise.” Morgana said, in response, holding on to Leon's neck a little tighter than before. “I promise.”  
  
  


  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Five minutes later...**

  
  


When Arthur finally opened the attic door the first person he saw was Morgana. Clothes rumpled, lips swollen. And if looks could kill. Well... Arthur would have been cremated, in an urn, and then poured from a hot air balloon into the ocean to ensure that his death itself was indeed -- permanent. Arthur gulped at that look and then properly squeaked – a manly squeak, mind, or maybe not so much a manly squeak but a squeak just the same because at that same moment Morgana yanked Arthur by the ear, and forcefully tugged him downstairs into one of the spare bedrooms, shoving him in and locking the door. Arthur feared for his life for the first time in years. The first time he feared feared for his life was, of course... the first time Arthur feared for his life was also due to none other than – Morgana. Right. When, at the tender age of 12, Arthur destroyed Morgana's favorite Malibu barbie by throwing it out of the limousine window and out into oncoming traffic. _“It was a one of a kind collectors edition, Arthur!”_ It didn't matter that Morgana destroyed Arthur's new toy train set first - by throwing the pieces in the fire place - because Arthur didn't want a girl to play with it. _Just like it doesn't matter now._

  
  


“Mor -” Arthur stopped abruptly at the look Morgana gave him that could only mean bodily harm if he continued speaking. Arthur swallowed, hard.

  
  


“Now I am going to say this, and I am only going to say this once. I know that you are responsible for that little captivity in the attic there.”

  
  


“The door was jammed --” Arthur stopped mid-sentence, again because of Morgana's expression.

  
  


“You are my little brother. And despite what you say when you whine about our mere fifteen minute difference in age, I take that responsibility fully to heart. Which means, there is no one who knows you better than _me_. Why, do you ask? Because while everyone else tends to put you into nice little neat categories based on our family, our family history, your arrogant and controlling demeanor, or our money, I see the person deep down inside of all of that. And I know that you do not fit into any _one_ particular category. I also know that it takes a whole hell of a lot to see that because you have a whole hell of a lot of walls to go through to get to it. Which is why people tend to put you into those 'said' categories and only get to know parts of who you really are. They fail to take the time to get to know what's in your gooey center. Which is also why I loved it when you and Merlin got together. I knew that he would take the time, that he would persevere, that he would bypass all of that bullshit to get to the heart of the matter and see the brother that I see everyday that tends to get overlooked. So what does this all mean you ask? It means that I know that you couldn't stand by seeing your best friend and big sister having problems for much longer and that you are just too controlling for your own dam good to not interfere if you felt we were taking too long to talk this one out. And then you even got _Merlin_ to go along with your little plan. How you managed that one is beyond me.” Morgana ending the last sentence shaking her head before continuing, “he's always been a little afraid of me. Had just the right amount of fear. I thought I maintained it.” Morgana said while pacing as she continuing speaking, “I guess I may have to step up my game if all of you are seeing things and getting involved in my business” Morgana muttered those last few sentences to herself. Arthur wondered what more of a game that she needed to step up. 

  
  


Arthur decided to go with an apology. “I'm sorry if -”

  
  


Morgana stopped pacing to look at Arthur. The half-baked attempt of an apology did not work. 

  
  


“Shut it, Arthur, I am not finished.”

  
  


Arthur gulped.

  
  


Arthur felt like he was getting reprimanded like he was when he was ten years old by the school headmaster for playing practical jokes in Mrs. Teasley's class for a straight week after she embarrassed him by taking the letter he was writing to Mary-Ann Marshall and reading it out to the entire class. It was Arthur's first crush and one of Arthur's life's most embarrassing moments. Arthur told Mary-Ann that he liked her in that letter and he was trying to ask her out before the letter was snatched out of his hands by Mrs. Teasley. Mary-Ann was so embarrassed that she didn't even speak to Arthur for weeks. It was _not_ a feeling that Arthur wanted to feel repeated. Arthur remembered those pranks quite well though. 

  
  


Arthur remembered the first prank that he pulled. It was a prank he pulled off of the internet. The food coloring trick. Arthur added brown food coloring to Mrs. Teasley's coffee. He put so much brown food coloring in her coffee that her teeth looked discolored for days. It looked like her teeth were rotting. Arthur felt like it was one of his best works. Arthur then decided to make Mrs. Teasley's classroom smell like fish. He had George make him a tuna sandwich claiming that he had a sudden taste for tuna and wanted to carry it for lunch. He then got Raudin, the driver to take him to school early, claiming he forgot some things in one of his teacher's classrooms. Arthur had also stolen some of Uther's tools to unscrew Mrs. Teasley's CPU. He removed the panel, placed the tuna sandwich inside, and screwed the panel back on again. It was a stroke of genius if Arthur could have said so himself. It took a solid week before Mrs. Teasley could figure out where the smell was coming from. The last thing that Arthur did was the crazy glue to the chair routine. Now, Arthur could have gotten away with it all, but noooo, Arthur wanted to be creative, and he had to get a little cocky. Arthur learned his lesson for the next time but just the same... Arthur, not only stuck crazy glue to the chair that Mrs. Teasley would be sitting on for the day. He also stuck crazy glue to the floor that the chair was positioned on as well. It was meant to keep Mrs. Teasley – well, _stuck_ , for lack of a better word. Arthur had so much fun with the crazy glue that he didn't realize that a piece of his jacket arm got stuck to the side of Mrs. Teasley's chair. He'd managed to separate himself from the chair, but not before he ripped some of the material from his red school uniform jacket arm. And before Arthur could focus on removing the evidence the bell was ringing and he had to make it back to his seat. By third period, Arthur was found out. By the end of the day, Uther had heard about it. And Uther yelled, but his heart wasn't in it. Arthur could see how his father mouth was curving upwards and it looked like he was barely holding in a laugh. There was even pride there. Arthur was however, barred from playing with his video games for a solid month. Not that that was so much of a bother. And Morgana eyed Arthur from that day forward with respect as well. She even started to include him on her more.... sinister plans. 

  
  


Morgana speaking again shook Arthur right out of his walk down memory lane. 

  
  


“I know that you had your reasons, and if it were not a successful mission I promise you I would have had reasons for my plans too. And my plans would be to use my spare key to come back here tonight once you were asleep to shave all of your pretty blond hair off your pretty blond head bald.”

  
  


Arthur ran a hand through his hair reflexively at that before processing all of what Morgana just said. He beamed at her then. “That means that everything is going to be alright?”

  
  


“Yes Arthur, your plan was successful.”

  
  


“I knew it!”

  
  


“It could have easily have gone south.” Morgana said firmly.

  
  


“No, no it wouldn't have. I know you and Leon and I knew that you both just needed a push.”

  
  


“I was going to talk with him. I already promised you.”

  
  


Arthur raised a brow.

  
  


Morgana was going to fight her case again but decided against it. You can always live to fight another day. “The point is it didn't have to go that way. But thankfully it did and I wanted you to know that I knew that you were behind it all.”

  
  


“Does that mean that you are not mad at me?”

  
  


“Oh no, I am still furious at you. It just means that I understand and forgive you, and that I will allow you to keep your pretty blond hair.”

  
  


“Why thank you, father and Merlin will be pleased.” Arthur responded back almost sarcastically before he decided to quit while he was ahead.

  
  


  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


  
  


**Leon and Merlin**

  
  


Merlin was chewing another thumb nail and looking at the room down the hall that Morgana pushed Arthur into. “Morgana looked really angry.”

  
  


Leon had made it to the kitchen already. He managed to get a cheese stick to snack on and a beer to drink while he was waiting for Morgana and Arthur to return. Leon, looking at the same door, turned to Merlin to respond. “Yeah, she did.”

  
  


**Ten seconds later...**

  
  


“Do you think we need to call for an ambulance? Or maybe the police?” Merlin asked.

  
  


Leon shook his head. “No, I don't hear any screaming. No screaming is definitely a good sign.” Leon responded like he's been through this a thousand times before. Merlin thought he probably had. 

  
  


The thought didn't make Merlin feel any better.

  
  


**Two minutes later...**

  
  


“What if she's strangling him?” Merlin turned to Leon, eyes wide. Apparently Merlin had an imagination and a lot of time to think about it.

  
  


Leon almost laughed and stopped as he remembered who Merlin was in fact, speaking of, and if he didn't know his own wife... Leon sighed instead. He paused for a moment to think about it and then he shook his head again. “No, despite how vengeful my wife can be at the best of times I wouldn't think she would go as far as murder.”

  
  


Merlin did _not_ feel so convinced. “What about bodily harm?” There were some body parts that Arthur still needed, Merlin thought. And Merlin, quite liked those body parts exactly where they were thank you very much.

  
  


Now, Leon couldn't really say anything about that one. Instead he took a different route. “How about we give them fifteen minutes -”

  
  


“Arthur could be dead by then!” And really, Merlin was being just a tad bit dramatic, Leon thought.

  
  


Leon took a large drink of his beer before responding, “fine, ten minutes! Despite them bickering at the best and worse of times they still love each other. Morgana wouldn't kill her own brother and her husband's best mate in cold blood.” _Premeditated_ maybe, Leon thought. Leon refrained from any additional thoughts, instead reassuring Merlin of the bodily harm part. He _could_ guarantee that. 

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


**Twelve minutes later**

  
  


When Morgana and Arthur came out of the back room Merlin automatically went to stand behind Leon. He then, from over Leon's shoulder, took a look at Arthur's pale face and decided that he had made the right decision. Morgana smiled at him.

  
  


“Merlin, my dear. You have nothing to worry about. I know that you would have had nothing to do with any of this.” Morgana said with a evil grin. Merlin felt a chill run up his spine. Leon, knowing his wife, could only chuckle. And Morgana felt vindicated by seeing that Merlin's fear of her still held true.

  
  


And Arthur looked over Morgana's shoulder at Merlin with an expression that clearly read, _“See what I mean? I told you so. They would never believe that you would do anything like this. You're too adorable to do anything wrong.”_

  
  


Merlin would have rolled his eyes if he wasn't concerned that Morgana may have thought it to be directed at her.

  
  


And of course Morgana smelled fear and loved every moment of it. It made her feel like she was in control, _again_. And considering the fact that she lacked so much control as of late, it was a dammed good feeling. She took a good whiff of the air in before walking over to Leon. “Why don't we stop at the hotel to pick up your things.”

  
  


Leon's brows raised in surprise but it came back down quickly before he responded, “Sure.”

  
  


He turned around to give Merlin a hug telling him to take care and then walked across the room to give Arthur a hug. If held any longer it could have choked Arthur. He pulled him in close and whispered in his ear saying, “Thank you.” It was a hug of appreciation. Arthur whispered back, “your welcome,” before Morgana and Leon left for the night.

  
  


Arthur walked Morgana and Leon out and locked the door behind them before turning around and resting his back to the wall, smiling like the cat that ate all of the cream. He folded his hands behind his head, looked at Merlin, and boastfully said, “the plan worked.”

  
  


Merlin couldn't help but smile at Arthur. “It could have easily backfired.”

  
  


“No, I knew it was going to work. They wanted to talk.” Arthur responded in a knowing tone.

  
  


“It didn't mean that there wasn't a chance for the plan to backfire. People want to talk all of the time but it is also a matter of choice and they have to choose to make it happen.”

  
  


Arthur looked at Merlin curiously then. Like he was looking to find something deep inside of Merlin. It made Merlin feel uncomfortable. Arthur decided to look harder the next time and instead, decided to change course of the topic. “No, they were ready, they just needed a little push.”

  
  


Arthur's phone ranged in his pocket. He pulled it out quickly to see a message from Morgana saying that she and Leon would return around noon time tomorrow to help finish up the attic. Arthur relayed the message to Merlin.

  
  


Merlin looked at Arthur thoughtfully before grinning and saying, “Bet you a night out to an event of your choice if Morgana and Leon don't make it home tonight choosing to stay at the hotel instead.”

  
  


“I don't think I'm inclined to disagree with you there. But if you would like to go out... I'll take you anywhere you'd like to go.” Arthur said with a tilt to his head.

  
  


“Anywhere?” Merlin replied.

  
  


“Anywhere.”

  
  


Seeing Arthur leaned against the door and unable to move away put other ideas in Merlin's head and Merlin decided that this would be the perfect time to kiss Arthur for all that he was worth. And Merlin did just that.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like this chapter? I would definitely like to know your thoughts.
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> A little more Dubois family history.  
> Merlin gets another visitor on Merlin duty.  
> Group therapy for Arthur.  
> Percival and Mithian's house-warming party.  
> If word count allows in this chapter... Annual pub night. And another visitor. Three guesses who?
> 
> Kudos, reviews, and bookmarks are welcomed.


	40. Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dubois family history.  
> Arthur and Morgana learn about hidden secrets of the past and understand how some of it applies to them now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay in posting this. My RA has been acting up again. I basically suffered a week of severe migraines that definitely took a toll on my concentration and focus. 
> 
> I have to say that the Dubois family history got away with me as you can see from the word count. But I found that it was necessary. You will see what I mean once you read it. Let me know what you think of it. As always, any mistakes are mine.

Chapter 39

  
  


_As they opened up drawers and closets and boxes in the attic they came across first shoes, first bottles, first pacifiers, first humidifiers, first clothing sets, first blankets, lost and labeled tooth's, first toys and first toy sets, hair locks, first shoes, first booties, first earrings for Morgana, first watches, baby pictures, pictures from their first dates (how Uther got those will remain a mystery as no one will be brave enough to ask), hair accessories, first skateboard, first helmets, first tuxedo and evening gowns, journals, first book bags, first report cards – for each year, including university... and etc. All in pristine condition._

  
  


“ _It's like a Pendragon kids museum in here,” Merlin said._

  
  


“ _If only there was room for our first cars in here.” Morgana said while running a hand over her chin._

  
  


“ _You do remember father kept our first vehicles in storage when we got our next vehicles right?” Arthur questioned._

  
  


“ _And now we know why.” Morgana replied, before taking a breath and continuing, “it seems almost too personal to be in here, Arthur.”_

  
  


_Arthur's throat was full at the moment thinking of their mother. He was too focused on the white rocking chair in the far corner of the room beside the bay windows and was remembering a moment of being rocked back and forth in that same rocking chair by his mother while she read him the story, 'Jack and the Beanstalk'. He cleared it before responding. “I know, but it was actually father's idea. He has been hinting for me to make sure that it was organized for quite some time now. And since father's no longer the custodian of the manor, after I moved in some years back fulfilling that part of our inheritance father stopped adding to it. Well... he still does add to it, but not officially you see. But as you can see, there isn't a lick of dust in this place, which means my cleaning lady Anna, also hired by father, has access to these rooms and is instructed of how to clean them. I think he left the task of organizing for me to continue but I thought, what a better way to do this then to have those key people who were and are a part of my life to help me.”_

  
  


“ _I would be touched...” Morgana said fondly before continuing, “if I didn't know you were just trying to get out of doing this all by yourself.”_

  
  


  
  


Chapter 40

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_**Dubois Family History** _

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Arthur sat at his desk attempting to go through reports. He had an hour and a half before his group therapy session but he couldn't focus for anything for the world. His mind kept going back to the previous weekend when he and Morgana finished up going through things in the family attic. (Leon and Merlin thought this last part should be for Arthur and Morgana and decided to go to lunch instead of helping). Oh... the things that they learned.

  
  


His thoughts immediately went to the three rooms that were separated from his and Morgana's things in the attic. Though, they were also able to find that there were two rooms with hidden panels on the left side of the attic that was labeled for he and Morgana. Just like the three rooms that were hidden on the right side were labeled for Tristan, Aggravaine, and their mother Ygraine. The rooms were not monstrous in size. They were the size of an average bedroom. And upon further research of the history of the manor, Arthur found that the rooms were originally used for servants to reside in. Arthur and Morgana were also more curious about their uncles. Uther never spoke of them. Sure they knew that they had uncles...It just wasn't something that was mentioned. In their mother's room they found journals that she kept. She didn't seem to write in those journals everyday, only on occasion, and only if something effected her significantly it seemed. She wrote about big fights that she had with her brothers, her first time (Arthur really didn't want to know the details of that), when she met Uther (he and Morgana were both curious about that), some of her brother's reckless moments, and the family fall out when Tristan died, and later her parents. He and Morgana both had to set down to read that one.

  
  


The rooms were all painted the average color white. And by looking at the rooms you knew that they were maintained. That definitely meant that Uther kept them maintained, even in Arthur's ownership. Arthur didn't have a real reason to be upset by that.

  
  


Tristan's room was placed on the left, Aggravaine in the middle, and Ygraine on the right. Ygraine was the youngest. Upon inspection it looked like Tristan and Aggravaine's rooms were both ransacked in some way. Nothing of importance was left in their rooms. Only little things like shoes or toys. Nothing expensive or significant. Unlike Ygraine's. Ygraine's room had shelves, cabinets, and a built in wardrobe in it. The shelves were filled with significant things like her first shoes, bottles, receiving blankets, clothes, toys, and etc. Her wardrobe had her wedding gown stored in permanent protective covering. Her wedding ring was also stored in the room in a jewelry box. That was not the only jewelry found. Apparently Ygraine was willed the family inheritance upon the death of her parents. According to Ygraine's journal, her parents changed their last will and testament prior to their death. And though Aggravaine in his best attempts tried to have it overturned, _it held._ According to the journal, the family inheritance was willed to Tristan originally. The oldest male. As tradition holds. _Morgana bit the inside of her cheek on that one. It was a sore subject. One that she has_ gotten over _. But it doesn't mean it still doesn't matter. It means she will live with it and that she loves her little brother far more that what is imaginable to attempt to take anything from him. Not to mention the fact that Morgana knows that Arthur has always treated her like an equal where business is concerned. Yes, sore, but she can live with it. Apparently, the Dubois boys could not live with their parent's decisions for them..._

  
  


_Arthur and Morgana always knew that Pendragon and Associates was formed when both Dubois Law Firm and Pendragon Law Firm merged together. It was a merger that occurred shortly after the death of their grandparents._ Arthur and Morgana were babies when they died. As the heir apparent, Tristan, their uncle, whose looks resembled that of their mother's, was under a lot of responsibility working at the law firm. Tristan was of a gentle heart, he loved, he was dedicated, and he was a free spirit. He prided himself in making his parents proud but the position itself was too much for him to handle. He never wanted to admit this though, and he fought to keep pushing himself anyway. Tristan became an alcoholic. Slowly... but surely. He started as a casual drinker, taken to drinking throughout the day – he even had a liquor cabinet installed in his office. He stated they were for the clients. Eventually, we learned better, their mother wrote. He kept pushing himself at the same time but no matter how hard he tried he didn't have the natural talent for the business. Which is understandable, Tristan was an artist at heart. Not a cut throat attorney. He was falling into the responsibility of the oldest male and his pride, loyalty to family, and his sense of duty stopped him from stepping out of the circle of the norm. _Morgana looked at Arthur when she read that part and Arthur turned to the wall briefly before turning back to continue reading. Arthur knew too well about his sense of duty._

  
  


_They read on...And they learned better._

  
  


Tristan started losing contracts. He became agitated quickly, depressed, and he became absent more than present at the office. Their parents tried to help him, tried to step in. They even offered to get him help. But Tristan didn't want the help, didn't want to admit that help was necessary. As a result of the spiraling Tristan's fiance Marah, ended their twelve-month engagement, and their long-time relationship. It devastated him and in his grief with that and his business failings he got drunk. He was so drunk that he lost control of his vehicle on the freeway and ended up in the direction of oncoming traffic and into an eighteen wheeler. The truck driver didn't see Tristan coming until it was too late. The impact of the collision killed Tristan instantly.

  
  


The family was devastated.

  
  


_Arthur and Morgana could feel the pain of it by their mother's written words alone. If they sensed anything in this they sensed that Tristan and Ygraine were close siblings. The pages had smudges on it. It was clear that either something spilled on the pages that mentioned Tristan or someone cried on them. Morgana and Arthur could only assume the latter considering the circumstance._

  
  


They read on... And learned of another family tragedy.

  
  


  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


_Aggravaine. Arthur and Morgana cringed just by the name. The way their mother wrote it. It dug through the paper. The name was traced over and over and then underlined. There was definitely some negative feelings there._ According to Ygraine's journal, Aggravaine was always a distant individual, a little shady about his activities, but he was always a loving brother. Where Tristan's pictures showed him looking like the sun, Aggravaine's showed him looking like midnight with his dark features. Ygraine always thought their family was close, until key things began to happen. For one, Tristan moving up into the position of preparation for CEO of Dubois. Everyone knew that Tristan's first love was being an artist, but it was Tristan's decision to decide what route he wanted to take. And out of loyalty and duty he chose the family business. Aggravaine was hoping Tristan decided the former. And that's where the wars began. If Aggravaine could make Tristan's life horrible he could push Tristan out or discredit him enough that no one would take him seriously. Ygraine was never even a factor when it came down to the family business. She worked as a personal assistant for goodness sake! At least, she wasn't a factor until she met Uther Pendragon of Pendragon Attorney at Law. Uther was sharp, intelligent, cut-throat, and strategic in his business. It was left to him by his father and his father's father from a long line. Uther was an only child and was groomed for his position from the time he could talk and walk. They met at a society ball for the up and coming lawyers. It was also an evening to recognize the achievements of those that went above and beyond in the field. Uther was one recognized that evening for funding a crisis shelter for the battered and abused. Apparently there was a case where one of his clients was brutally murdered by their spouse before the case went to trial. It touched Uther so much that he got heavily involved in the laws concerning domestic violence and in how to protect the abused. He set the crisis shelter up to have counselors on staff, a soup kitchen, housing, job placement, days out of the week for doctor visits, avenues to complete education, and a support system. It was the first one in the community. And Uther was recognized for having the foresight and the heart to do it. He fought to have the laws changed to protect those who were not being heard. It was love at first sight for Uther and Ygraine. Uther told Ygraine that he noticed her while he was having talks with business associates and prospective clients. Ygraine noticed Uther during his speech and fell in love with him by looking inside of his heart, in hearing the passion in his words, and seeing so much more. When the dancing started Uther found his opportunity to make the first move. They danced and danced. And then they sat and talked. They talked about everything from themselves, their family, and their dreams. It was like they knew each other all of their lives, was separated somehow, and found each other again being drawn by a string of fate. From that night started a whirlwind romance. They were married three months later. Yes, when Uther came into the picture, along with Tristan as apparent heir, to Aggravaine... _All bets were off._

  
  


Uther never encouraged Ygraine to leave her family business. In fact he encouraged her to continue if that was her choice. He was very different from most men who assumed their wife would not. That was just the way. Women were not in positions of power, they took care of the home. Uther's love for her saw beyond that. And shortly after they were married, Ygraine became pregnant, and then, it really didn't make a difference. When Ygraine became high risk in her pregnancy with the twins she had to step down from her role as Personal Assistant for their parents. It seemed... Aggravaine was discreetly discrediting Tristan in his position and their parents for their lack of decision-making skills in placing Tristan in that position for quite some time. Aggravaine used Ygraine's pregnancy as a time table for himself to step up his game while everyone was focused on everything else. Aggravaine would have appointments changed to make Tristan look like a fool in missing meetings. Aggravaine made a point at being at every board meeting to change up agendas and to discredit Tristan's knowledge of direction for the company. Aggravaine would hold secret meeting with key members of the company and key clients urging them to act now before the company fails due to insolence and pride. Aggravaine also started to take money from the treasury, no one had reason to doubt Aggravaine, he took money to buy company shares. He also took money to wine and dine these key individuals to encourage his plight. He was a busy man.

  
  


Tristan knew something was up. He could feel it. He also knew that he wasn't incompetent, not by any means. His first love may have been art, but he was a Dubois, he could still do the job for the company, and do it right. The happenings though left plenty of room for self-doubt and later self-respect. Tristan stumbled across Aggravaine's calendar one afternoon when Aggravaine's personal assistant left it out. Tristan noticed Aggravaine's schedule was filled with meetings from prominent members of the company and key clients. He didn't have much time to do more research at first because he was too busy fixing up the messes that Aggravaine would leave behind for him making him look like an incompetent fool. This went on for months. Tristan would visit Ygraine at least once a week while she was home. He would also make another visit over during the week for dinner. Ygraine was worried about her brother because she started seeing changes in his appearance and in his drinking. The entire family would have a drink now and again. That was never an issue. But Ygraine started noticing that Tristan didn't _stop_ drinking. It got to the point where he got himself a driver instead, which begs another question... Why was he driving drunk on that dreadful night? Ygraine noticed that Tristan started losing weight, his blond hair was not as healthy and shiny as before, and the spark burnt out of his blue eyes. He looked like he aged five years and he looked extremely depressed. Maybe some could miss the signs, Ygraine however, could not. It broke Ygraine's heart. But she didn't give up. She continued to keep contact with Tristan and continued to encourage him as best as she could.

  
  


Months later. Tristan did something really special for Ygraine and Uther. He painted a portrait of Ygraine's and the twins. The picture was of Ygraine sitting by the window, the view overlooking the water from the surrounding lake. Ygraine was sitting in the white rocking chair -also found in the attic - holding the twins. Arthur in her right hand and Morgana in her left. It was detailed, vivid, and so full of life. The picture looked life-like. It showed the contours of Ygraine, Arthur, and Morgana's faces. Even the hands were detailed. It showed the clear color of their eyes, and highlighted all of their expressive features. The colors blended well together. It was gorgeous. _Morgana looked across the room and sure enough, the picture of them hung on the far left wall. She decided she would take a closer look later. She also noticed that Arthur glanced over to the painting a few times too. Uther must have stored the painting up here in memory of their mother shortly after her death. It would have been nice if he kept it hung at the mansion as the grew up. She bit her lip. It was too late to be bitter about that._

  
  


_They continued reading._

  
  


It was on this day that Ygraine finally got Tristan to open up. He confided in her about Aggravaine's secret meetings, his mixing up Tristan's schedule, his discrediting of Tristan in meetings, and of how Aggravaine would steal his clients. Aggravaine would have meetings, give gifts, and basically courted key clients until they said that they wanted Aggravaine to handle their accounts. They would say that they did not think that Tristan was competent enough to handle it. That Aggravaine has proven that he would do an excellent job. That they felt more secure by having Aggravaine handle their interest and investments.

  
  


Tristan also told Ygraine that he suspected Aggravaine was embezzling from Dubois as well because the treasury was no longer adding up. She asked him why he didn't tell their parents but Tristan felt their parents wouldn't believe him considering how Aggravaine has discredited him unless he got real proof. Ygraine encouraged him to keep digging and said that she would do anything that she could to help. She also encouraged Tristan to get help with his drinking problems. He admitted to her that he knew that he had a problem with drinking and that he was definitely going to seek out help. However, Tristan did not get that chance. A week later he died in the fatal car accident that took him away from their family at the tender age of twenty-eight. Aggravaine, clearly, did not seem torn up by the loss. Ygraine wrote in her journal that she suspected foul play in the death of Tristan, and though she had no proof, she suspected Aggravaine as the culprit. Aggravaine may not have driven the vehicle but she suspected that he was the push that made it happen. 

  
  


The death of Tristan tore the family apart. Their parents blamed themselves for not seeing the signs of Tristan's alcoholism and depression soon enough and Ygraine blamed herself for not being able to help any more than she did. Uther was by her side every step of the way. He worried about her, cared for her, made sure that she ate, encouraged her to talk, and was her shoulder to cry on. It didn't take long for Uther to get Ygraine to open up in regards to what was really bothering her. When she told Uther about Aggravaine it was Uther who helped her to investigate and to uncover the things that Aggravaine attempted to keep hidden in his efforts to take over Dubois. And with him being the unofficial heir apparent he thought he had everything planned out very well.

  
  


Uther was a powerful man with friends in very high places. The name Pendragon carried a lot of weight. With his help they had enough proof to show Ygraine's parents that Tristan was not the person that was making mistakes in the company. That he was not the person that Aggravaine made a picture of him to be. Their parents revised their will. Unbeknownst to Aggravaine. They placed Ygraine as sole heir apparent. They knew that she did not have the credentials to head up Dubois but she did have the family name, she did know the clients, the connections, and she did have Uther, his reputation, his intelligence, and his name to back her up. They knew it was the wise decision. They then took a vacation to the Alps. Ygraine's parents planned to use that time to think of how to deal with Aggravaine. It was obvious that he could no longer work for Dubois. That his shares had to be dissolved. The parents always had protective clauses in place for times like this. The only thing they did know is that they did not want their son - no matter how wicked - to go to prison. They never got a chance to act on it though. On their return home from the Alps their private jet went down due to engine failure. They died on impact of the collision. Something else Aggravaine did not seem torn up about.

  
  


Aggravaine was all ready to assume his position as head of Dubois. He thought he had everything planned out. There was only one problem. He didn't know about the change to their parent's will. Ivan and Christian Dubois were smart enough not to make known of the changes to the will. They just didn't know that their deaths would have been so soon to not have handled Aggravaine first. Aggravaine was very surprised at the reading of the will when he found out that Ygraine was now sole heir of the Dubois family legacy and of the Dubois law firm. If looks could kill... Ygraine would have died with her parents in their private jet. Again, Ygraine had to suspect Aggravaine in the deaths of their family. That was one thing she could never prove. No matter how hard she tried.

  
  


Aggravaine's employment with Dubois was terminated immediately, all stock holdings dissolved. Ygraine had the pleasure of informing him of this with Uther at her side. And she was sure that Uther said something to Aggravaine because she never saw him again from that day forward. The only thing that she knew was that he cleaned out his office and later found out that he ransacked his special room where their family held their special legacy, in the Dubois manor's attic, that was now willed to her. He took anything of value and even went through Tristan's to do the same. Little did he know, their parents took the valuables that would have been designated for the heir apparent and moved them to Ygraine's changing the locks to a coded system once the decision was made that she was going to be made sole heir. The code was given to Ygraine after the reading of the will. She later gave it to Uther as well.

  
  


Aggravaine was a wealthy man, aside from Dubois family legacy and the law firm. They all were. The family set up a trust for all three of their children. Aggravaine would not go broke in this life-time if he spent his money wisely. Their parents knew that and had no regrets in their decision when they told Ygraine of their plans to change their will. Ygraine wrote on in her journal that she herself, shortly after receiving her inheritance, set up trusts for both Arthur and Morgana. It was set to begin to be disbursed at the age of twenty-one, in increments each year, until they received everything at the age of twenty-five. She also made certain that as the oldest male, that Arthur would be the inheritor of the family legacy and that the Dubois manor would be given to him at the age that twenty-one or when Arthur felt old enough or ready to have it. She then gave Morgana forty percent of the stocks in Dubois and Arthur sixty-percent and controlling interest of the company. Ensuring that both children were taking care of. And with this in mind along with the company, Ygraine then decided that the companies of Dubois and Pendragon should merge. She knew that she did not have the head to run a business of that magnitude and she trusted Uther explicitly. He had proven himself time and time again and she knew that her family legacy would remain intact. And that along with Uther, their children would bring the company to the next level. By giving Arthur and Morgana their stock interest before the merger it ensured that they would retain stock interest once Dubois was merged with Pendragon. Of course, the percentages would be rearranged then giving Uther controlling interest but they knew that everything would go back the same at the time of Uther's demise. They didn't like talking about passing but it was not something that could be avoided. It was the best that she could do in memory of her parents and Tristan after everything that Aggravaine had done. And Uther couldn't have been more supportive. She only prayed that Arthur and Morgana would not become like Aggravaine due to competitiveness or greed. Or feel like they had no one to turn to like Tristan. She wanted them to be close and she wanted them to know that they could always come to her, that they would always be loved. 

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


_Arthur and Morgana were both teary-eyed by the time they finished reading. Their mother continued to write during the hard times. When she fell ill and up until the time that she couldn't write anymore. Her only wish was that her family would be okay. She wrote over and over how much she loved her husband and her children. And she continued to stress how she wanted them to be happy once she was gone. That they would never want for anything. They must have gotten to the end of the writing because the remaining pages of that journal was empty. Morgana and Arthur vowed to read the other journals at a later date recognizing that her journal as an adult at this stage of her life was more important to read. Arthur was out of it when he tried to put the journal back, it fell out of his hand and hit the wooden floor hard._

  
  


“ _Arthur...” Morgana called out to him in alarm._

  
  


“ _I'm fine, Morgana.” Arthur responded with a sigh. He stooped down to pick up the journal but noticed something sticking out of the top of it. It seemed to be stuck in between the book cover sleeves. Arthur never went into this room before and he doubted Uther actually took the time to look through the book before either._

  
  


_He paused. Morgana noticed._

  
  


“ _Arthur, what's wrong.”_

  
  


“ _I don't... know.”_

  
  


_Arthur took the journal back to their seat and removed the book cover. Why he removed the book cover to go between the sleeves of the cover itself? Arthur would never know. He found three loose papers in between the sleeves of the cover. They looked like letters._

  
  


_Arthur sucked in a breath. He saw his name on one._

  
  


_Morgana attempted to snatch the papers out of Arthur's hand but his reflexes – surprisingly on this occasion - were too fast. She looked on with him instead. There were three letters. One with Arthur's name on it, one with Morgana's, and one with Uther's. No one would have ever suspected it._

  
  


_Morgana shrieked. “Do you... do you think?” Morgana took a breath. “Do you think -”_

  
  


“ _Do I think our mother left us a letter as one of her last deeds? I would think.” Arthur said while still trying to maintain some level of control._

  
  


“ _Do you want to read your letter now?” Morgana asked._

  
  


“ _You?” Arthur asked in turn._

  
  


“ _Let's read our together. You can give father his later.” Morgana said, saying the last part doggedly._

  
  


“ _Come again? No, we can give father his later.” Arthur responded, in a tone firm. And Morgana knew that this was one battle that she could not win and conceded._

  
  


_She said instead. “We read it at the same time?”_

  
  


“ _Deal.”_

  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


_Dearest Morgana,_

  
  


_My dearest, beautiful, precious girl who is all fire and loves with a fierceness. If you are reading this I can only assume that you are at the age to have found my special room. And that either your father or Arthur have allowed entrance in. I won't think of any other reason. I know that your father would have protected it and would have added things for both you and your brother over the years continuing the Dubois legacy. And now Dubois-Pendragon legacy. As you know, your father is an only child. He didn't have knowledge of these things as everything belonged to him. But he loves you and your brother dearly. I have no doubt that you both will be in good hands. I don't have much longer on this earth. I know that you will be the only girl in a house of strong-willed men if Arthur is anything like your father and the men in my family. Be good to them. I have no doubt that you will be a feisty one too from the way that you take care of Arthur as your little brother even if you are only fifteen minutes apart. I want you to continue to do so._

  
  


_Make sure that he doesn't succumb to the pressures that maintaining a legacy can bring. Never let him think that he is not good enough or unworthy of it. Never think that yourself either. He may be the inheritor but I know that no child of mine will be weak or without strength and character of their own. I can see the two of you working together hand and hand. Never lose sight of the other, stay close, trust each other, and most of all, be happy._

  
  


_I never want you to feel like you can't be happy. That you can't enjoy life, that you can't find love, or that you can't have a family. Can't is only a word to promote limits. You shouldn't have limits Morgana. If you have received this letter I know you must have read my journal as well. Do not let that discourage you from what you can have. Because you can have Morgana. You can have anything you put your mind to. Take it and run with it. There is no greater joy than to have a family of your own to share your love with. I regret nothing if it meant that I couldn't have you, your brother, and your father. I would do it all again. Life is but a vapor and can be gone in a moment's breath. Do not live life with regrets and do not waste moments. And most importantly, remember always that I love you and that I am so very proud of you._

  
  


_Love,_

  
  


_Your Mother_

  
  


_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

_On the other side of the room Arthur read his letter._

  
  


_Dearest Arthur,_

  
  


_My sweet, handsome, darling boy, who never leaves my side and hugs unto my skirts and is so protective over me. My precious boy. If you are finding this letter then it means that you have found my special room. That you are of age to have access to it or something has happened. For my current peace of mind, I will assume the former. Somehow I know that you are going to take my loss the hardest. But in a different way. My only prayer is that you don't close yourself off. That you don't block away the pain. Pain hurts but it does allow you to mend, to heal, and to become stronger. Take it in and allow yourself to feel. I know that emotions can be hard for your father at times. I don't want you and your sister to have that same problem._

  
  


_You have a big responsibility my son. You not only have the Pendragon legacy to maintain but the Dubois family legacy as well. I have no doubt in my mind that you can do it. I know with every breath of my being that you can. I may not be able to see you and your sister grow up but I know that the seeds are planted. I know that all that is left is for it to continue to be watered and for it to grow. You represent life to me Arthur. Things tend to blossom around you. There is something deep down inside of you. A joy that cannot be darkened, no matter what happens. And you love so unconditionally. You forgive so freely. And though you are known to have taken after me, you also remind me of my brother Tristan. We were very close. He was not only my brother but my best friend. And with that reminder I know that you will take things more seriously than most. That you will place pressures on yourself. I see it in you now. You feel responsible for everything. Even over things that are clearly not your responsibility. And for that I feel it necessary to say a few additional things._

  
  


_I have no doubts in your abilities my son. My wish for you is that you never doubt yours. That you never allow yourself to be discouraged and that you live your life to the fullest. You are like a ray of sunshine in a sometimes dark and cold world my child. You bring light where there is darkness and when I was in my deepest despair and I don't know how you knew, you would always come to give me a hug or tell me you loved me to pick me back up again. Anytime I felt sad about things of the past or my declining health. You could not have known, but you were there anyway. Like my own little empathic. Thank you for that. Never turn off your emotions. Always allow yourself to feel, take care of your father, and take care of your sister. And don't forget to live your life. The business will be demanding, for this I am sure. Do not allow it to take away from your own life as well. I want you to find that special someone. Someone who will love you especially, challenge you accordingly, and be your source of strength when ever you feel your own is failing. Someone who will encourage you. Someone that you will want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't settle my boy. You are too precious to settle. And make sure that your sister doesn't either._

  
  


_I want you to be happy. Without restraints. Yes, I want you to take care of the legacy but not at the expense of yourself. Do not allow society or even legacy to dictate your choices of how to live. Never lose yourself Arthur. Rely on the support that you have. Rely on your father and rely on your sister. Trust that they will not see you fall. Be good to each other. Remember, no matter how much money you have, it will never replace what it feels like to have someone you love to share it with. Love them well my dear. I want you to be happy, to have a family, to do everything to your hearts content without regrets. Do not have regrets my son. Learn from the lessons of the past but do not bow to them. They are lessons and not your burdens to carry. Keep yourself honest, keep yourself true._ Love _, stay in good health, take care of your family, the company, the legacy, and live my boy. And remember most of all that I love you and that I am so very proud of you._

  
  


_Love,_

  
  


_Your Mother_

 

_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

  
  


_Both Arthur and Morgana were to tears by the time they finished reading their letters. Morgana reached inside of her purse and brought out tissues for them to use. They quickly wiped their eyes, cheeks, and noses, before they exchanged letters and read again. It was never a question that they would, they just politely swapped each others letters. Once they read again they had to repeat the same process of cleaning their faces from the tears._

  
  


_Arthur was in his own world continuing to think about that afternoon. It was almost like losing their mother all over again. But at the same time it was like a closure. Because those were words from their mother that they probably would not have remembered or understood at the age of eight. They certainly could understand those words now. He thought more of what he and Morgana did. How they looked at the portrait of them and their mother that Tristan created. How his signature and date was on the lower right hand corner of the painting. It was like his stamp of approval for their family._

  
  


_Arthur remembers other things that they found in their mother's special room. They found family heirlooms, broaches, all kinds of jewelry, bonds, more pictures, and watches. In a small corner of the room they found some of Tristan's things. More family heirlooms, watches, chains, the Dubois family crest, the Dubois family signet ring, jewelry, and pictures of Tristan himself. The value of the items, some clearly dating so far back, could probably buy and house a small country._

  
  


“ _You were always so close to her.” Morgana murmured._

  
  


_Arthur turned to her, he was clearly in his own world looking at the far wall. “She was close to you too.”_

  
  


“ _She loved us both equally, Arthur, but you know what I mean.” Morgana pressed the bridge of her nose. “You two always had a special connection and I can also see her point. You are able to sense other people's distress and you connect well with everyone -- when you are open to it. You closed yourself off more and more after mother past as showing weakness to father later became an act of becoming a punching bag to words of duty and family loyalty.” “You have to be made of tougher stuff in you intend to head Pendragon when I'm gone.” Morgana mimicked Uther's words as she remembered what he would tell Arthur. Morgana thanked her lucky stars silently that it wasn't something Uther has said in a while to Arthur. She continued. “You closed yourself off to protect yourself but closing yourself off doesn't benefit you. That's not who you are. You are every bit that mother said. But I also see that you are getting back to that person again that you lost sight of over the years in your attempts to not succumb under the pressure. Though I do think that Merlin came into your life at just the right time.”_

  
  


“ _That he did. Did you notice...”_

  
  


_Morgana noticed Arthur's hesitance, which is unusual for him, “what?”_

  
  


“ _Did you notice that she kept saying someone in her letter and not... her... or... she? Do you think she knew?”_

  
  


_Morgana smiled. “It's possible. Some parents can tell early on, statistically, and you and mother were always close. You never left her side unless father sent you away or I pulled you to play. You may have even told her things that you don't remember now and she probably picked up on some of you behaviors. Maybe playing with my doll babies gave it away, or holding your best friend Paul's hand at age seven repeatedly when we were walking around the playground-”_

  
  


_Arthur groaned, then sighed, “Morgana!”_

  
  


“ _I'm just saying, Arthur. It could have been the signs. But you can tell that she left it open to interpretation and that it could have gone either way. It was more that she wanted you to be happy, with whomever you chose, and that she wanted you to love freely and enjoy life.”_

  
  


“ _Same as you.”_

  
  


“ _Yes, same as me.”_

  
  


_They went through the room and sorted things out the best that they could, careful, to not move anything out of place. They were pretty sure that their father did the same. At the end of their cleaning of the attic and the rooms Arthur and Morgana was sure of several things._

  
  


  1. _They would always stick together._

  2. _Morgana basically swore fealty to Arthur. That though she may tease about deserving to run the company and that being a male should not make the difference. She would not ever do anything to interfere. That he was worthy of running the company and quite capable of doing so. They would not allow any type of sibling rivalry - if there were any - to cause strife between them._

  3. _Though Morgana and Leon had the talk about having a family, the letter from Ygraine cemented that choice for her. Morgana was now ready._

  4. _Arthur knew that he had trouble expressing emotions just like their mother said when he was hurt. That he did tend to block himself off when he was. He vowed to make a conscious effort to not close himself off. Notice he didn't promise that he never would. Sometimes it was safer to do so._

  5. _Understanding now that alcoholism ran in their family – both Arthur and Morgana decided that they needed to think about when their drinking habits. That it was alright to drink, but not always necessary to indulge, especially as a means to deal with hurtful situations or pain. Or as Arthur thought, to drink it like water. They also understood the so called lecture that their father gave them for drinking in the middle of the day._

  6. _That was another thing. They realized that even though their father may have been cold to them over the years there was no doubt that he loved them. He never told them any of their mother's family history. Not the details like they read in the mother's journal, but it was clear that he attempted not to repeat the mistakes of the past. Uther never allowed anything other than healthy competitiveness between Arthur and Morgana. In fact, he encouraged their closeness. Even if they joined together in anger towards him. They also understood why he deemed it necessary for them to learn Pendragon inside and out. Uther did try to dictate their choices – though he could be controlling, but mostly he was trying to protect them from what he saw as mistakes. He just took some things to the extreme. They were starting to see their father in a whole new light now. Like Arthur was the sun to their mother, Ygraine was like the sun to Uther. He lost some of himself after she past. But through other events, like Merlin's, it brought them all closer again. And now they knew that they had to follow their mother's wishes too. To live, to be happy, and to protect their family._




  
  


Arthur came back to himself, sighed, looking at the papers on his desk and looking at the time. He wasted an hour of his time thinking of the past in his nostalgic moment. No... not wasted. Necessary. Just not productive in light of the things that he should be doing. And with that thought in mind Arthur gathered his things, strolled out of his office, gave a nod to Gwen, and headed off to his group therapy session.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...how did you like this chapter? I want to hear from you.
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> Group therapy for Arthur  
> More Merlin duty.  
> and Percival and Mithian's housewarming party.
> 
> There is a lot more but I don't want to spoil.
> 
> As always, kudos, reviews, subscriptions, and bookmarks are a joy to receive. You reviews inspire me to continue this monster.


	41. Coping and Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur goes to group therapy, Mithian and Merlin have a heart-to-heart, Mithian and Percy have their housewarming party, and Uther finally get's closure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I've been sitting on this chapter, adding bits here and there for weeks now. I know exactly what I want done in the next chapter, and half of it is already written, but this chapter closes off somethings and brings us to about 85 to 90% of the story's completion before the Epilogues. It could be considered a filler, but it also holds some importance on a few fronts of the story. I had the hardest time being satisfied with it. I went over it again yesterday and decided, it was time whether I felt it was or not, so he we go. Let me know what you think.

  


**Chapter 40**

  


_They went through the room and sorted things out the best that they could, careful, to not move anything out of place. They were pretty sure that their father did the same. At the end of their cleaning of the attic and the rooms Arthur and Morgana was sure of several things._

  


  1. _They would always stick together._

  2. _Morgana basically swore fealty to Arthur. That though she may tease about deserving to run the company and that being a male should not make the difference. She would not ever do anything to interfere. That he was worthy of running the company and quite capable of doing so. They would not allow any type of sibling rivalry - if there were any - to cause strife between them._

  3. _Though Morgana and Leon had the talk about having a family, the letter from Ygraine cemented that choice for her. Morgana was now ready._

  4. _Arthur knew that he had trouble expressing emotions just like their mother said when he was hurt. That he did tend to block himself off when he was. He vowed to make a conscious effort to not close himself off. Notice he didn't promise that he never would. Sometimes it was safer to do so._

  5. _Understanding now that alcoholism ran in their family – both Arthur and Morgana decided that they needed to think about when their drinking habits. That it was alright to drink, but not always necessary to indulge, especially as a means to deal with hurtful situations or pain. Or as Arthur thought, to drink it like water. They also understood the so called lecture that their father gave them for drinking in the middle of the day._

  6. _That was another thing. They realized that even though their father may have been cold to them over the years there was no doubt that he loved them. He never told them any of their mother's family history. Not the details like they read in the mother's journal, but it was clear that he attempted not to repeat the mistakes of the past. Uther never allowed anything other than healthy competitiveness between Arthur and Morgana. In fact, he encouraged their closeness. Even if they joined together in anger towards him. They also understood why he deemed it necessary for them to learn Pendragon inside and out. Uther did try to dictate their choices – though he could be controlling, but mostly he was trying to protect them from what he saw as mistakes. He just took some things to the extreme. They were starting to see their father in a whole new light now. Like Arthur was the sun to their mother, Ygraine was like the sun to Uther. He lost some of himself after she past. But through other events, like Merlin's, it brought them all closer again. And now they knew that they had to follow their mother's wishes too. To live, to be happy, and to protect their family._




  


Arthur sighed, looking at the papers on his desk and looking at the time. He wasted an hour of his time thinking of the past in his nostalgic moment. No... not wasted. Necessary. Just not productive. And with that thought in mind Arthur gathered his things, strolled out of his office, gave a nod to Gwen, and headed off to his group therapy session.

 

 

**Chapter 41**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_**Coping and Moving Forward** _

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_**Group Therapy** _

_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

  


Despite feeling like he wasted time Arthur arrived to the Crisis Center fifteen minutes early. He was drinking a cup of coffee while gazing out the window. He did for so long that the scenery of the city was beginning to meld together. Arthur was still in his own world of nostalgia, deep in thought when he was approached, but far too far gone to even notice that Finna was standing beside him.

  


“Arthur?” Finna called out.

  


Arthur almost jumped an inch off the ground before turning and responding. He would have a made a sound of shock if he wasn't a Pendragon and trained to compose himself in front of others, but it was close thing. It was obvious by her tone that it wasn't the first time she called his name, or the second. “Finna.” Arthur smiled. “I'm so sorry, I didn't notice you standing there.” Arthur paused, and cringed when replaying how that sounded. Finna saved him from his misery though and went on.

  


Finna smiled. “I would think not. I think you were like a thousand miles away. Did you see anything good out there?” Finna asked, looking ahead out the window as well to view the landscape.

  


Arthur smiled back. “No, I was just thinking.”

  


“About Merlin?”

  


Arthur shook his head. “No, not this time actually. I was just thinking about family.”

  


“Is everything alright? You seemed _really_ distracted there.”

  


Arthur's brows raised before responding, “Everything's fine, but thank you. I'm just... processing some things.”

  


Finna nodded in understanding. “Well, if you ever feel the need to talk -”

  


“I know that I have you.”

  


“Just so you know.” Finna responded in kind with a genuine smile, patting Arthur's shoulder.

  


The room was beginning to fill up just as Finna finished her last sentence. Arthur waved a hand in a sweeping gesture, “shall we?”

  


Finna chucked before responding, “we shall.”

  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  


Arthur looked around the room to see everyone together once more. He didn't see any new faces so he assumed that this week would be led differently since there was no need for introductions. He was right.

  


“Since we don't have any newcomers this week we are going to just open the floor for the moment to see how everyone has made it through the week, and if there is anything that we would like to share with the floor. Once we are finished we are going to talk about how we cope. How we deal with the changes around us, and how we cope with the changes that our loved ones are going through. But first, does anyone have anything to share with the floor?”

  


Gilly raised his hand first. “Well, as you know, I'm here because my partner Diego was raped, beaten, and left for dead some months back. He's still having flashbacks and he's still having nightmares. This week I dealt with Diego's insecurities more than ever. I don't know how severe other people's situations are, but to me, being with a rape victim is not easy.” There were some nods in the room in agreement. Gilly continued. “First the victim has to deal with losing the level of control that they lost during the encounter, then they have to deal with whatever other trauma that they dealt with, and then they feel insecure, like they are no longer good enough. Diego has been liked this. He's been like this off and on before, but last week made me think I was going to lose my mind.” Diego said while rubbing his palms in his eyes. “He kept questioning my whereabouts. When I got held up at work he accused me of having an affair, like I would ever do that to him, and he went into a rage and trashed our flat. The next door neighbor even came by because of the noise. I was so ashamed.” Gilly said while resting his head in his hands. “He apologized, but by then I really thought I was going to lose it.”

  


“Did you try talking to him about this Gilly?” Finna asked.

  


“I tried, but when he get's that way he tries to push me away. I think he tries in hopes that he gets to do it before I do, like he expects me to leave him.” Gilly responded.

  


Finna nodded. “Okay, Gilly hit some good points in his conclusions, and I want everyone to hold on to those thoughts because we're going to talk about how we - as survivors - cope while dealing with our loved ones. Would anyone else like to share?”

  


Arthur raised his hand. “Go ahead Arthur.” Finna encouraged with a smile.

  


“Hi, I'm Arthur, and I've come here because my boyfriend Merlin was raped and tortured. He's also a victim of past domestic abuse and is being treated for PTSD. Um... this week hasn't been as bad as it has been or could have been to say the least. My sister, friends, and I have worked together to try to keep Merlin as busy as possible during the day before I get home from work. You see, Merlin was having many trigger moments and flashbacks, he was also getting to be no more than skin and bones.” Arthur paused there, emotion thick in his voice. Talking about it brings it all back sometimes, but he realizes just the same that talking about it can be a healing balm too. “The schedule ensures that whoever sees Merlin will ensure that he eats and will be able to be there if something happens in between.”

  


Lenex, who's sister killed her abusive brother-in-law in self defense asks, “Does Merlin get upset that he is basically being babysat?”

  


Arthur had the good grace to look sheepish. “We never really broached the subject. I suspect that Merlin is well aware and he really isn't being babysat per se, we just don't want him to feel alone and we want to make sure that he is taking care of himself. The doctor said that a proper diet plays a big role in PTSD patients.” Arthur replied, as if that excused his behavior. _No one was fooled._

  


Frederick, who's partner was clinically depressed commented next. “Well I can't say it's entirely wrong if it works.”

  


“I agree,” Constance, who's daughter was gang raped added, “if it works than it's worth a try, and you are not doing anything that would hurt him. Sometimes we have to try other means to make things work. Goodness knows every situation is different and not completely by the text book.”

  


“Good point, Constance.” Finna agreed. “Does anyone else have anything to share about their week?”

  


Everyone talked about their spouses or family members but there wasn't anything else new to be shared. Finna brought the group back into focus then. “What are some of the ways that you cope? How do you deal with having a loved one go through their experiences on the weekly basis?”

  


Cora, who's seventeen year old son was beaten in a gang attack spoke first. “Sometimes I have a good cry and if that doesn't help a stiff drink normally does the trick by giving me a good nights sleep.”

  


Samantha, who's husband was a undercover narcotics officer, who's cover was blown leaving him tortured and beaten spoke next. “I've just been taking it day by day. It's not easy but I've been trying to be strong for him, and when I can't be, my family has been a big support in stepping in and helping as best as they can.”

  


Arthur agreed with that before adding that he has found himself drinking more and more. “I know this is not a good thing, and I've recently found out that alcoholism runs in my family so it's important for me to think of some other alternatives.”

  


“Good point, Arthur.” Finna agreed. “What are some more positive, healthier ways to cope in these situations?” Finna asked the floor.

  


“Finding a hobby.” Constance replied.

  


“Good point,” Finna agreed.

  


“Writing our thoughts down in a journal.” Arthur added, thinking of his mother's journals.

  


“Exercising.” Gilly added.

  


“Deep breathing to lower anxiety.” Frederick added.

  


“Building a support system.” Cora added.

  


“All very good points.” Finna agreed. “Our assignment this week is to find out what healthy coping mechanism will work for you. When we come back next week we will discuss what transpired during the week and what we did to cope with it.” Finna said with a smile. “Is there anything else that needs to be presented to the floor before we close for the day?”

  


Everyone shook their heads. “Very well, remember that Rome wasn't built in a day and just like Rome our loved ones are not going to be given back to us in once piece in one day either. You took the biggest step by coming here. But know, it's going to take time, it's going to take patience, and it's going to take a whole lot of support. And remember the phone tree. If at anytime you feel overwhelmed or unable to cope call you're phone tree partner. That's what we're here for. In the meantime work on your positive coping mechanisms.”

  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_**It's Mithian's Turn** _

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  


This time, Merlin was dressed when he went to answer the door having just finished PT for the day, but was surprised to see Mithian at the other side of it. “Mithian, what are you doing here?” Merlin asked, a little weary.

  


“Hey Merlin, as you know, Percy and I are having a housewarming party this evening, and I have been told that you would be the perfect person to help me get everything together.” Mithian said with a bright smile.

  


Merlin didn't return it.

  


“Really?” Was Merlin's only response.

  


“Yes, I wanted to take you out to lunch first, and then we can go shopping for the supplies needed. I've already ordered the food, but I wanted to get the party supplies, and I needed help picking out the perfect curtain set for the dining area.”

  


“I've already told Percy that I wasn't good at that.”

  


“Yes, he told me, but he also said that you did an excellent job picking out our dining room furniture. And then you had raving reviews from Morgana and Gwen and Elena...” Mithian trailed off when Merlin raised his hands in surrender.

  


It wouldn't do to be mean. Arthur would kill him, and then Morgana, and then Percy, and finally – everyone else.

  


“Let me grab my coat.” Was Merlin's response before he was swept away in Mithian's jeep.

  


Merlin had no real reason to dislike Mithian, he really didn't. But every time he thinks about her he thinks about Arthur dating her and keeping it from him. He thinks about how they looked in the society pages, on the internet, and what the magazines said about Mithian and Arthur making the perfect couple. He knows that Mithian is happy with Percy, but he can't help but think if Arthur gave the okay she would have been just as happy with him. It was not a good feeling to have. Because then he would have to admit that maybe, Arthur would have been happier with her instead.

  


Mithian and Merlin decided on the Mehek Indian restaurant. It was Mithian's favorite and Merlin didn't dislike the food items there. Mithian ordered the Lamb Tiikka, which came with tender pieces of cubed boneless lamb, marinated in light spices and yoghurt, and was skewered and grilled to perfection over charcoal in the tandoor. Served with garden side salad. Merlin decided on the Tandoori King Prawn, which basically came with King Prawns, marinated in light tandoori masala, and cooked at high temperatures in the tandoor. It was served sizzling with a salad accompaniment. They ordered it with some white wine and tucked in to eat.

  


Despite Merlin being cautious in his behavior, Mithian senses Merlin's insecurities and nips it in the butt during lunch.

  


“I know we never really talked about it. About my relationship with Arthur, that is. But I can tell from the tension that you still see me as some kind of threat.” Mithian commented while eating a piece of her chicken.

  


“No, _no_... I don't.” Merlin responded, horrified, and with a little bit of guilt.

  


“But your thinking about it.” It wasn't a question.

  


“How can I not.” That rolled out unfiltered but Merlin continued anyway. “You were the one Uther thought was perfect for Arthur, for his son, and his legacy.” Merlin didn't think those words _would_ have tumbled out of his mouth so easily. He hasn't even shared those feelings with Arthur.

  


“Yes, he did. Uther thought I was perfect for Arthur but as you can see, Arthur didn't agree.” Mithian countered while taking a sip of her white wine.

  


Merlin took a sip of his too before responding, “but you were everything that he needed.”

  


“Do you really believe that Merlin?” Mithian looked up from her food sharply at Merlin before continuing. “You know... Uther may have had Arthur and I dating, and I can't lie to you now and say that I didn't like Arthur in that way. That I didn't see the potential of it. I would have been a fool if I hadn't. But...” She trailed off.

  


“But...” Merlin urged.

  


“But... Arthur's heart was never in it. And I mean _never_. He gave his heart away to a stubborn, pale-skinned, dark-haired, sexy as hell, professor and somehow, Arthur was never able to get it back.” Mithian took a bite of her food. “Arthur told me about you you know? From day one of your relationship.”

  


Merlin blushed and cursed his pale complexion before responding. “He did?”

  


“Yes, he did. But I tried anyway.” Mithian stated honestly, without even a little bit of shame. She took another bite of her chicken.

  


Merlin almost glared. It was a near miss.

  


Mithian took another sip of her wine before continuing. “Think about Arthur for a minute, Merlin. Just... hear me out before casting judgment. Arthur's handsome, he's so handsome he could be a model. Hell, he's built enough for it. And he's confident as hell in that regard because he knows it. He's been number one on the world's most eligible bachelor list.” Mithian raised four fingers on her right hand before continuing. “For four years in a row. And they still have him on that list, even _after_ you moved in, and believe me, the press is well aware. They are _clearly_ in denial. Nothing short of a wedding will probably change it. All of the society columns love him. And he's richer than dirt. And that's just some of his outside qualities. Inside. Inside, he's sweet, charming, noble, adorable, has a sense of humor, can cook, is devoted, loyal, loving, sensitive, arrogant, cocky, and confident with a touch of being insecure. It only adds to his charm. And this is just some of it. But most importantly, Arthur knows all this and is still humble. How could I not want that for myself Merlin? Can you really blame a girl for trying?”

  


And well, if you put it that way, Merlin had to concede to the fact that Mithian had a point. But with all of those qualities Merlin has to wonder, ' _what does Arthur actually see in him?'_

  


“But know this Merlin, _Mithian continues unaware of Merlin's inner turmoil_ , no matter how hard I tried, there wasn't any reason to in the end because he chose you. And I don't regret what I have now. If it weren't for Arthur I would never have met Percy, and he makes me happy.”

  


Mithian's final words dissolved any lingering bits of insecurity where Mithian was concerned for Merlin. They ate the rest of their lunch in peace discussing the housewarming, Mithian's job at the hospital, and when Merlin would be returning back to work. And Merlin, Merlin found that he liked Mithian a lot and decided to give it a fair try at being friends with her.  
  


  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_**Mithian and Percy's Housewarming** _

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  


To call Mithian and Percy's house a house would be an understatement. It was indeed a house but it looked like a mansion. The house itself had seven bedrooms, seven bathrooms, and four receptions. They may as well have just called it a mansion, because that is exactly what it was. It was obvious that Mithian and Percy were planning to stay together, and they even thought it out well enough with the nearest school district being one mile away.

  


The living room area was gorgeous with dark brown wood flooring, a hanging chandelier, cream colored walls, a bar, and a beautiful fireplace in the wall at the center of the room. The furniture itself was cream and brown with black furnishings. It had a beautiful study that looked like a miniature living room with a sea shelled patterned ceiling. The kitchen was gorgeous with all white, black, and cream coloring with an island in the center, and big tall glass windows to see all of the scenery available which actually led to a waterfront. The bedrooms were also huge with the same color patterns, king sized beds, huge windows, and mini bars to boot in each room. When everyone agreed to have a big enough place to house the lot when necessary, Mithian and Percy took their responsibility seriously. The bathrooms were all white and black, they were huge, and with a walk in glass shower that could house at minimum five people. It was the ultimate dream home for Mithian and Percy, and Merlin couldn't have been more happier for them. The dining room was the main room that stood out and you could tell that Mithian took some pride in that room. The walls were half cranberry on two sides and half mustard colored on the other two sides. The ceiling and base boards were cream colored to match the remaining pattern of the house. And this is where Merlin's choice of furniture and curtain choosing came into play. The dining set Merlin chose was a Dresden Pedestal Dining Table with arm chairs, and leave designs on the thick table sides, and on the chair tops, arms, and legs. Percy also got the table custom made to fit the number of their large group, and there was even enough space in the room for a smaller table for when the kids came into question. The wood had a cherry finish, and the hutch that matched with it made the room even richer. Merlin choose a cream and gold colored curtain set to offset the cranberry and mustard colors which ultimately made the room stand out even more radiantly. The place was indeed gorgeous.

  


Merlin was helping Mithian and Percy in the kitchen as the guest arrived. They made, well Mithian made, and Percy and Merlin helped Mithian make a Roasted squash and spinach lasagna, Turkey meatballs in marinara sauce, a banana nut and walnut cake, an espresso scented coffee cake, a salad of mixed greens, soft goat cheese, and roasted walnuts, an oven baked mac and cheese with bread crumbs, and a lemon orange glazed loaf. The wine bottles were chilling in a huge wine bucket loaded in ice, the beer was in the refrigerator, and bottles of whiskey was set aside for Gwaine, Morgana, and Arthur. Everything was ready.

  


A set of warm arms, a hard chest, and broad shoulders settled around Merlin and Merlin couldn't help but lean in, and _feel_ everything that was Arthur. There was no question, one could not miss Arthur's presence once having your fill of it. “Hey,” Merlin said softly.

  


“Hey yourself,” Arthur said back while giving Merlin a kiss on his temple. “How was your day?”

  


“Better now that your here.”

  


_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

 

The housewarming party went off without a hitch. Everyone raved over Mithian and Percy's new home and they loved the dinner that was put together.

 

“You know, I think I've just found my new home away from home.” Gwen exclaimed.

 

“You and me both.” Morgana agreed.

 

“As long as Percy keeps the liquor cabinet stocked he has made himself a guest for life.” Gwaine said while raising his glass of whiskey.

 

“Really Mithian, you have outdone yourself in this place.” Elena said warmly.

 

“I helped too!” Percy said immediately.

 

“Yes,” Vivian agreed, “but it takes a woman's touch to do the work that was done in this place.

 

“Merlin helped too.” Percy countered.

 

“And don't even think about what you were about to say Vivian.” Arthur cut in sharply, tone protective.

 

Vivian laughed. “I wasn't going to say anything smart, not really. I heard about what Merlin did to the dining room. You did an excellent job with it Merlin. Elyan and I will have to have you help us when we purchase our new home right luv?” Vivian asked as she leaned into Elyan on the sofa.

 

“She's right Merlin, you have got great taste.” Elyan agreed.

 

“I helped a few people, and now I can't even catch a break.” Merlin replied, hanging his head low.

 

“That's the breaks kiddo.” Leon told Merlin while he ruffled his hair.

 

 

_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

 

The gang played games, and watched movies for the rest of the night while drinking their wine, beer, and whiskey. They started with a scavenger hunt where the clues led to finding gifts that were hidden around the house. They then played spades and paired off as couples, Morgana and Leon won. Morgana was sharp as a tact when it came to wanting to win. They played charades, Merlin and Arthur won that. And then they finished the evening watching the movie 'It Could Happen to You' with Nicholas Cage. The girls oohed and awed while the guys humored the girls. But despite the comments from the men, the women knew that they loved the movie. They were just playing too tough to show it. But Gwen saw the tear that dropped from Lance's eyes and Morgana saw when Leon's eyes began to water. She didn't even bother to look at Arthur, he was rather stoic when he wanted to be, and would not be caught dead crying in front of so many unless it was absolutely a dire circumstance. But nevertheless, fun was definitely had by all.

  


_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

 

A few days later...

_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

_**Uther get's Closure** _

_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

 

Uther sat behind his desk, face paled, and looking like he saw a ghost. His eyes, glued to the letter in his hands like it held the keys to all knowledge. He felt like he was holding the letter for hours, but really it had only been a good thirty-minutes.

 

“ _Mr. Pendragon?”_

 

“ _Yes, Sue?”_

 

“ _Arthur and Morgana are here to see you. Shall I send them in?”_

 

_Uther checked his watch, and after confirming his next appointment wasn't for another few hours responded, “you can send them in.”_

 

_Uther heard bickering in the hallway, and was a little puzzled by what they could possibly be bickering about until they came in like kids that looked like they were caught eating cookies from the cookie jar, without permission. Uther knew then that something was up._

 

_And to top it off, they started elbowing each other like they were waiting for the other person to do the talking. That was_ definitely _cause for alarm._

 

“ _Is something wrong?” Uther asked while rubbing his temples with his hands, and then removing his reading glasses._

 

_Arthur was first to answer. “No, nothing is wrong.”_

 

“ _Why would you think that something was wrong?” Morgana asked._

 

_Now Uther_ did _smile. “Because you're both acting weird, and you haven't spent five minutes in the same room with me for the past few days. What's going on?”_

 

_There was a long moment of silence, and Uther waited expectantly. He may have taught his children this game for business purposes, but they should know by now that - of the three of them - he could wait them out the longest. He was their father after all. It was Arthur who cracked first._

 

“ _Well, you know that Morgana and I were cleaning out the family attic over the other weekend, yeah?”_

 

_Uther nodded._

 

“ _When we went through mother's things -”_

 

_Morgana's phone beeped at that moment. She grabbed her phone, read a message, and said quickly, “would you look at the time. I forgot that I was supposed to meet Leon for lunch, and he squeezed me in between appointments -”_

 

“ _Morgana!” Arthur shrieked, yes he shrieked, it was a manly shriek._

 

“ _And I really have to go -” Morgana finished, as if uninterrupted._

 

“ _You promised.” Arthur protested, turning to Morgana in horror._

 

“ _And I'll make it up to you,” Morgana replied apologetically. She really wasn't sorry, she was a chicken! Arthur screamed internally._

 

“ _It's only going to take a few -”_

 

“ _Sorry Arthur, got's to go, see you soon father,” Morgana was saying as she backed her way out of the door._

 

“ _Harpy!” Arthur said while looking venomously at his sister._

 

“ _Love you too, little brother.” Morgana responded with a grin while closing the door behind herself._

 

_Arthur was so going to find a way to make her pay._

 

“ _Arthur,” Uther said while starting to lose his patience, “what's going on?”_

 

_Arthur sighed, straightened his shoulders, raised his chin, and responded. “When we went through mother's things, we found a journal.”_

 

“ _Yes, your mother always kept journals for as long as I've known her. She kept it from childhood actually, and never parted from them.”_

 

_Arthur nodded, he knew as much now. “Right, well, when we went through her things we... we read her last one.” Arthur finished, very softly._

 

“ _You did what?”_

 

“ _We read her last one.” Arthur said, tone louder to be understood._

 

_Uther didn't know what to say about that, but he couldn't find it in himself to be upset. “Okay, I'm assuming that this is not the reason for you and your sister's little argument between you so what is it?”_

 

“ _When we...,” Arthur paused. “When we were going to put it up it slipped from my hands, and the covering opened up dropping some items from the book itself.”_

 

_Uther waited._

 

“ _In the covers itself I found letters.”_

 

“ _What sort of letters?”_

 

“ _Letters addressed to you, Morgana, and myself.” Arthur finished, taking a deep breath.”_

 

Looking at the letter Uther knew exactly when Ygraine wrote it. She had to have written the night before she fell into a coma, the day before she died.

 

“ _Don't you think it's time to get some rest love. You've been in that journal for hours now, and it's getting late.” Uther said, concerned._

 

“ _I'm almost finished, just a little bit more to write. I want to get everything out there.” Ygraine responded with a smile, she was weak. The doctors had taken her off of most of her medications and were only making her comfortable now. Ygraine didn't want to be so heavily drugged that she couldn't have control of her mind, and nothing worked to stop the cancer from spreading. The doctor's instructed them to make preparations. Uther didn't want to accept that. He never did._

 

“ _But you can finish it tomorrow, love, there's still time.” Uther said instead._

 

_Ygraine leaned over, she tried to hold it in, but Uther heard a wince, and then she touched his cheek. “It won't take long, but it's something that I really have to do.” It was like she was giving up. Why was she giving up?! Uther thought angrily._

 

_Of course Uther didn't voice his thoughts, instead he said, “would you like me to stay up with you?”_

 

“ _No, get some rest. It's been a long day for you, and I know how hard it's been for you with the kids, and taking care of me. I won't be much longer.” Ygraine replied, and Uther couldn't help but catch her double-meaning in her choice of words._

 

_He ignored it. But before going to sleep he clung to her, she was skin and bones now. He kissed her gently on the top of her head, her temples, her cheek, and then her lips and said the words that he said every day since they married. “I love you.”_

 

“ _I love you too, my love. Get some sleep.”_

 

 

Uther remembered that night as though it happened yesterday. He remembered it because it was the last conversation that he and Ygraine had before she slipped into a coma, and before her death. It took Uther weeks to remove Ygraine's things from their room, and he never opened her journal. None of them. He stored her last journal – the others were already stored - along with Ygraine's picture with the twins, painted by her late brother Tristan in Ygraine's special room in the Dubois family attic. He never even thought to read it, never even fathomed any hidden messages. Didn't even think there would be any. Apparently he was wrong.

 

Uther took a deep breath and opened the letter finally to hear the words that would probably change his life.

 

 

_My Darling Husband,_

 

_Your letter is hardest to write for me because I know how hard my leaving will be for you. For the twins, they are young, they will remember me, but they will heal. For you, I know in my heart that there will be a struggle, even though I've been trying to prepare you for this day for months now. I don't want you to struggle, Uther. I want you to be happy. I want you to thrive, and to live life to the fullest. To take care of our children, and to make them feel loved just as you've made me feel from the moment we connected. I've lived my life, and I enjoyed every single moment of it because I've had you, Arthur, and Morgana to share it with. Don't let it be in vain by not moving on._ (Unbeknownst to him, Uther's eyes started to water).

 

_Take care of our children. I worry about them having to grow up without a mother. I know that you didn't have a strong family connection with your family so it concerns me that you may think it difficult to raise them on your own. Don't think that. You are more than capable to raise our children, and to love them the way they deserved to be loved. They are like a flower, they need tender loving care, they need watering, nurturing, but once they have it - rest assured - they will bloom. And once they bloom they will in turn take care of you. The cycle continues to flow. Never let them go a day without knowing your love for them._

 

_I don't want you to live your life alone. I know that you consider marriage a life-time commitment but when I'm gone, you're life will still continue. Don't live in the memory of me. Find someone, someone good, someone good for you and good for the children. And make sure that someone challenges you. I want you to always experience what joy means, you've been a gift for me, and that gift should be enjoyed and treasured. Don't live in the days of yesterday. Remember me, celebrate me, mourn for me, but please remember to let me go._ (Uther sucked in a breath) _If not for yourself than do it for me, and for the children._

 

_Oh how I'm going to miss not seeing our children grow up, but I can see it now. Arthur going to be a killer with the ladies, or maybe even the boys, who knows._ (That through Uther for a loop. _Ten seconds later,_ and Uther thought -Ygraine knew! And then, _why didn't she tell me?!_ They discussed everything from where the kids would go to school, to their activities, even down to when they would start their internships with Pendragon. They both agreed that Morgana should learn the ins and out of the family business alongside Arthur to prevent a repeat of what happened to Ygraine when she was unable to step in at full capacity as CEO of Dubois. It was Uther's idea actually. He didn't want the business to fall into the hands of outsiders. If something were to happen to Arthur, the plan would be for Morgana to step in. Morgana's training and working in the business alongside Arthur would allow for another set us eyes and ears. This would prevent repeats of the past and protection against the Aggravaine's of the world. It was a win win. The only differences between them would be that Arthur had to start his internship three years earlier than Morgana. As heir apparent, Arthur needed to begin having interactions with the employees and the clients early on. He also needed to learn anything and everything about the company, starting from the bottom level, and moving up to the top, working in each department. It was a huge responsibility, but they never doubted that Arthur would fail at it. And neither would Morgana, once she started at the middle level three years after Arthur. But never once did Ygraine mention the possibility that Arthur could be gay. But then again, _Uther thought to himself,_ he probably wouldn't have been able to accept it anyway. And Ygraine, being Ygraine, would have known this. Hell, it took him forever to accept it now, but he did, eventually. Uther dismissed his overflow of thoughts and went back to reading). _But I know he's going to be one. He's handsome now, and he's a diamond in the rough. He's special Uther, just like my brother Tristan. Watch over him, keep him grounded, and show him love. And Morgana, she's going to be a fierce one isn't she? And the midnight to Arthur's daylight. Both equally stunning. She too will have offers of love dropping at her feet. Don't be the overprotective dad, but the watchful one. Always allow the door to be open to allow them to talk to you. Their going to need it, believe me. I needed it with my parents. Trust in what you've taught them, and in the foundation we've made for them. I can see Morgana now given our son a run for his money in the business world. Even though he's the heir, she's going to be every bit as smart as our son, you'll see. She takes after her father in that way._ (Uther chuckled) _I'm going to miss watching them flourish but I know that they are going to be alright, because they are ours, and that's what gives me more than enough confidence to leave this world. Because I know that you will be alright._

 

_I'm tired my love. I know you wanted me to continue to fight, and I've fought as long as I could, but I know. I know that it's time. The doctors were right in telling us to make our preparations. Don't be angry, don't be bitter. No one knows these things, and we have to take life as it comes. However long or short it maybe. Now promise me. Promise me that you will not wallow away and live your life alone. I want you to find someone special, and I want you to live. Live for me my love. I'll love you forever._

 

_Always and forever,_

 

_Ygraine_

 

 

Uther startled, as he noticed that there was water spots that dripped on the letter before him, and he startled again when he realized that – unbidden – the water was coming from him. He hadn't shed a tear since his beloved breathed her last breath almost twenty years ago. In fear that the letter would be tainted in some way he moved the letter aside. The tears fell uncontrollably now as Uther sobbed. He didn't realize how long he cried for, but once he was done he felt a burden lift from his shoulders for the first time, since he realized that the love of his life was gone, and what was left behind. He looked at the letter again. Like it was the most precious little thing in the world, before folding it, getting up, and locking it in his office safe for safe keeping and for protection. He sat back at his desk, his mind reeling.

 

“Leave it to you to have the last word, even in death.” Uther said to himself with a laugh. And for the first time ever, Uther thought it possible that he could truly move forward. And yes, Uther always moved forward. He moved forward after his despair to take care of the twins the best way he knew how, and to shepherd the flock of their business to maintain their legacy, but Uther _himself_ , never moved forward. He could see that now, and realized that it was time. And he said what he could not say when he held his wife, clung to her, and told her repeatedly that he loved her. This time, he was able to say it. “Good-bye, my luv.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of the chapter. Of the therapy, Mithian and Merlin's discussion, the housewarming, and/or Uther's closure? How was it? Did anything else stand out to you?
> 
> Coming up next:
> 
> The Annual Pub Night  
> Do any of you remember Gavin? He makes a few special appearances either all in the next chapter or between the next two.  
> Merlin condition continues to improve.  
> Merlin's learns some things that Arthur will have to explain.


	42. All things come to Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to start off by apologizing profusely for the delay of this chapter. I've been writing, I've had some real life problems, and I wasn't feeling well in between but that was no excuse for delaying this chapter because I have not abandoned this story. This chapter in unbeta'd and has everything in it that was promised from the last chapter. We are almost finished guys so if anyone's still out there, please review, and tell me what you think, because I would like to hear from you. With that being said, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Merlin and Arthur

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Um,” Arthur said as he moaned into wakefulness, being drawn in by Merlin kissing gentle kisses on his forehead, cheeks, tip of nose, and then mouth, “Merlin.”

Who else would it be? Merlin thought. He said instead. “Yes?” Merlin whispered huskily from where he was straddled over Arthur's hips, leaning over him, and continuing his assault. He didn't stop. And as soon as Arthur gasped into the kiss Merlin's tongue took that as it's invitation to play. Their tongues continued to duel, and Arthur allowed Merlin to map out his mouth – each and every crevice – with his tongue.

“Mer...lin,” Arthur tried again, cautiously, as he breathed out even as his mouth was full with Merlin's tongue. He was begin to harden the moment he said, “um.” And he didn't want to get carried away.

“Yes, Arthur,” Merlin said, all too innocently, as if knowing Arthur was trying to stop himself from doing just that. He withdrew from Arthur's mouth with three nips at his bottom lip, before moving to his his jaw line, and the soft skin beneath it.

Arthur couldn't help but moan again, his hips automatically moving in the rhythmic motion that Merlin set as he started rubbing against Arthur's groin in his sleep pants. Arthur's arms, automatically wrapped around Merlin's waist. Arthur tried to focus on something else. Anything else! It was...difficult. He was still trying not to rush things for Merlin, and though Merlin has recuperated really well, he still felt that they needed to take it slow. When they were together in the shower, it took Arthur to pieces, shattering him and bringing him back together, but, he'd still hadn't forgotten about that night in the garden when both he and Merlin weren't ready. He only wished they addressed how to know when it was right to have sex again after rape in therapy because after that night, in the garden, Arthur did not quite believe it was when the survivor was ready. Arthur was surprised he had time to think, considering all of his blood was nowhere near his brain at the moment. But he had enough strength left to gasp out this. “When do we have to be at the pub?”

Merlin groaned, from where he moved to Arthur's collarbone strategically placing love bites on the skin there. “We have to be there in an hour.”

Arthur, with a strategic move of his own, flipped Merlin onto his back placing himself on top asked, “don't you think it's time we start getting ready?”

“We don't have to start getting ready for another thirty minutes Arthur.” Merlin tried, his eyes showed an expression that was resigned, because he knew that this was not going to go any further. Despite how much he wanted it to. Arthur's been dodging sleeping together with him ever since the rape. And though they've done.... things, they haven’t truly made love in months. And Merlin understands why, he knows Arthur is doing it for him—that Arthur wants him too, but Merlin doesn't know how to say that he's ready if Arthur can't see that yet for himself. And boy… was he ready. Merlin groaned.

Arthur eyes widened in alarm. “Is something the matter? I asked because I still have to take a shower before getting ready.”

Arthur didn't need to take a shower. He would need to take one afterward, if there was something for him to clean off, but as it stands, the only shower Arthur needed to take was a cold one because he's been trying to dodge having sex with Merlin.

Merlin knew how to take a hint. He let go of Arthur's shoulders and shook his head, before closing his eyes for a moment to make sure there were no signs of tears. None of this was Arthur's fault. He was not going to take it out on him. And he definitely does not want to push like he did that last time in the garden. That, was a disaster, in every sense of the word. Nevertheless, his voice was tight when he replied, “nothings the matter, no. I just thought we could have spent some time together before we left is all, but if you have to take a shower --” Merlin let it hang there.

Arthur sighed. He felt like a right arse because he knew Merlin understood exactly what he was doing—they knew each other too well, but neither of them have been brave enough to broach the subject. There were plenty of subjects that hasn't been broached between the two of them, if it hadn't been addressed in therapy. If it could be avoided, it was avoided, and they were happy even. Still so fully in love. No one missed talking about it at all, except, for the fact that they did miss talking about it. Because it was an elephant in the room, and in their hearts even though they'd let it pass, not wanting to trouble the waters. Them not having sex showed just how much they needed to talk but were oh so afraid to. And Arthur hadn't missed the way Merlin closed his eyes and groaned first before speaking to him. However he tried to keep it all of this out of his tone when he responded tenderly. “Yeah, I wanted to take a shower before getting ready. Leon and Morgana were planning on stopping by so we could all head to the pub together.” Arthur said before leaning in and giving Merlin a nip on his plump bottom lip and grazing it with his tongue.

Merlin caught Arthur's tongue in his with his lips and nibbled on it for a moment before releasing it. He'd forgotten about Leon and Morgana coming over. It didn't change his thoughts though, it was only a matter of time before it would come to the surface, making itself known. Merlin placed both hands on either side of Arthur's face before looking him in the eyes bringing all of his emotions to the surface, and speaking, voice hoarse, “I love you, you know that right?”

Arthur almost winced, because he could feel it in his bones that it was only a matter of time before Merlin called him on what was holding him back, and he didn't want Merlin to feel like less. He didn't deserve to feel like anything less. Arthur only wanted him to feel like himself again before, they picked up the healthy sex life that they'd had before.

And Merlin was starting to feel like himself again. If they'd only broach the topic to discuss it. Though Merlin knew fully that this was not the only topic that they would be discussing, that he had never spoken to Arthur about anything regarding the rape or Mordred since that horrible event. Hence the hesitance, and the elephant in the room, and in their hearts that neither of them were brave enough to address. And considering the fact that he pushed Arthur away the last time that he tried… Merlin knew that he was the cause for the wedge between them, that he needed to open up. Which continued to leave them at a stalemate because he was afraid to. Not wanting to leave Arthur with the impression that he hadn’t gotten past it. Because that would only delay them having sex even more he was certain. Merlin sighed inwardly. He needed Arthur so badly, he needed that comfort, he needed to know that he belonged to Arthur only, and nobody else--. The ache felt like a physical pain, and the only cure for that pain was having all of Arthur, not part, and he was afraid to address it.

Arthur moved his hands from Merlin's waist and placed them on either side of Merlin's face, he leaned down over Merlin allowing Merlin to push his arms back while still keeping contact to Arthur's face. Arthur did show all of his emotions this time, because he wanted Merlin to be absolutely clear on this point. His voice was tight, but the emotions were there as he responded. “I know that, with every fibre of my being. And that's how much I love you too.” Arthur leaned in further to capture Merlin's lips again, and this kiss showed Merlin just how much Arthur did love him as he plunged his tongue in Merlin's mouth with an attempt to remove all doubt.

**

One hour later.

Ring! Ring!

“Merlin, you've got the door?!” Arthur shouted from the bedroom to Merlin in the living room.

And when did Merlin not have the door?

“Got it!” Merlin shouted back, before heading to the door, dressed for the night in his dark blue jeans and close fitted black turtleneck sweater showing Merlin's newly defined shape from his weight gain and defined muscles from his physical therapy.

“Merlin,” Morgana called out first when Merlin opened the door before she pulled him in a tight embrace, giving him a kiss on the cheek, and using her left thumb to remove any signs of lipstick from his cheek, “how are you doing?”

Merlin smiled at her, “I'm doing much better actually. How about you two?”

Leon smiled and pulled Merlin into a one arm hug, “we're doing just fine. How's your therapy?”

Merlin nodded, “both are going well. I've managed to put all my weight back on. My muscles are up to par, and I'm doing well in my psychotherapy as well.”

Morgana beamed at Merlin. “That's what I wanted to hear. We have need to celebrate tonight in more ways than one. Now where's that darling little brother of mine?”

“Not talking to you!” Arthur yelled from his bedroom as he started making the journey to the living room, wearing his blood red cashmere v-neck pullover sweater that showed us his build, and dark blue jeans.

Morgana rolled her eyes.

Leon raised his brows at Merlin with a look that clearly stated, “see what I have to go through?”

Merlin shook his head and grinned. He knew exactly what Leon had to go through because he had to go through it too. Just -- not at the workplace. He could only feel for Leon in that regard, having it both at work and at home.

“Arthur, you can't possibly still be mad at me for abandoning you with father?” Morgana uttered disbelievingly.

Arthur folded his arms across his chest, mouth set in a frown. “Of course I'm still mad at you. We were supposed to talk to father together.”

Morgana had the good grace to at least look sheepish. It didn't mean she wouldn't attempt to exculpate herself with an excuse though. “But I knew you would be fine, and I had lunch plans with Leon, didn't I Leon?” She turned to Leon, looking for backup.

Leon raised his hands up in the air, “leave me out of this.” He told Morgana they could have went to lunch after the meeting, she pushed for him to be ready at a certain time anyway.

“I am your wife.” Morgana placing her hands on hips, shrieked incredulously.

Leon nodded, unperturbed by his wife's reasoning to act in her defense. “You are, and he's my best mate.”

Arthur raised his chin proudly, with a smile, gesturing his right hand towards Leon. “See, even Leon thinks you deserted me.”

“I never said.” Leon was raising his hands in defense. He was not taking sides!

Morgana shook her head, glaring at her husband. “You didn't have to, it's written all over your face.” Morgana tsked, before turning back to Arthur. “I knew you could handle it. I on the other hand, may not have made it out of there alive.” Morgana, ever with love for the overdramatic feigned by putting her hand over her heart in exasperation. She mocked an expression of fear to match the gesture.

Merlin choked back a laugh. He couldn't cover it time. Morgana scowled at him.

“Oh, don't take this out on Merlin,” Arthur said defensively, before going to stand by Merlin's side. Putting an arm around Merlin's waist, Merlin leaned into the touch greedily.

Morgana couldn't help but smile fondly at the picture, before shaking her head at all of them. “You are all ridiculous.”

“You didn't know what it was like to go in there to give that letter from mother. We agreed to do it together, and you left me hanging with some lame excuse of lunch. And father, he was already losing patience by the time you left me, alone.” Arthur pouted, and yes, he pouted. He did not like being unprepared for a meeting with his father. It was even worse to broach a subject with his father, that he rarely brought up, their mother—and her death. And Morgana was well aware of this!

Morgana sighed. “Fine, next time there's something important that needs to be told to father I'll place myself on the executioners block for your suffering. Deal?”

Arthur didn't think there would be anything - ever - again, that needed to be told to their father, that would even come close to what he himself had to present to him. But he narrowed his eyes in response to his sister -- not believing a word uttered -- in the interest of peace, before replying, “deal.” He responded, however begrudgingly.

Leon could only cover his mouth, hiding his own smile and inward giggles from the twins. Growing up with them, Leon knew full well that sometimes...they could be ridiculous. But he did see things from Arthur's point on this one. That didn't mean that he'd voice that to his wife though. Unless there was a reason to. And since they've solved their problem -- without need of interference -- Leon kept his thoughts to himself.

And since Merlin always feared Morgana -- just enough -- so did he.

“Alright,” Morgana looked at her watch. “It's time for us to go, if we head out now, we'll make it just in time for the free drinks they are giving out between 6:00 and 6:30.” Morgana nodded seriously, while looking at the other three. As if she'd been looking forward to taking advantage of this special all week. Like she couldn't afford to pay for her own drinks, the entire pubs, a small country, and then some, without so much of making a dent to her personal bank account.

Arthur raised a brow, “and you know this how?” Because -- really?

“How else do we know anything about the pub?” Leon asked, raising his brows -- as if saying -- anything about the pub and where the knowledge comes from should be self-explanatory.

Apparently it was.

The response was in unison. “Gwaine,” they replied dryly.

**  
  
**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Annual Pub Night

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Arthur, Merlin, Leon, and Morgana were greeted by Gwen, Lance, Gwaine, Elena, Freya, Will, Percy, Mithian, Elyan, and Vivian.

“There you guys are,” Gwaine called out immediately, going to give hugs. “I thought you were going to miss the half-hour Pub freebie!”

“Wouldn't miss it,” Morgana said, while giving a hug to Gwaine.

“Can you believe we've been coming here for the past nine years?” Lance said as he went his go in giving hugs.

“I still remember the first time we came.” Gwen became nostalgic in response.

“And I still remember our first anniversary when everyone was drunk under the table.” Gwaine looked like he had stars in his eyes from the memories.

“And when we decided that we should make it a yearly thing and the pub manager agreed since we kept him in business.” Elyan added.

Gwaine looked like he was going to weep from the memory, he shedded a mocked tear, and sniffed. “It was the best idea I could have ever come up with.”

“And what about proposing to me,” Elena piped in instantly.

Gwaine looked repentant. “A slip of the tongue.” Slyly giving Elena a chaste kiss on the lips. “It was the second best idea I could have ever come up with.”

Everyone cracked up laughing, while Elena gave Gwaine a tender kiss saying all was forgiven.

Percy couldn't let sleeping dogs lie. “That's because you managed to get the half-hour Pub freebie out of the deal, Gwaine.” Percy chided.

“Would you expect anything less from me?” Gwaine asked, incredulously.

“Somehow, somehow...I don't think I can.” Arthur replied honestly.

“You know me so well, Princess.” Gwaine proudly stated for the lot, hand touching his heart.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

As everyone took their seat. “Is there anyone else coming?” Leon asked the floor.

“I don't know,” Gwen replied. “We posted everywhere, the pub is full from the advertisement, and everyone we've known from uni, if they're able to attend, should. But I've only gotten a few actual responses.”

Percy rubbed his belly. “Well, I for one am starving.”

Mithian raised a brow, while using her right hand to rub over Percy's hand covering his belly. “Since when are you not starving?”

Percy blushed. “Okay, more hungry than usual.” As he leaned over to give Mithian a kiss on her cheek, and tugging a weyward strand of hair back in place for her. It was adorable.

Lance laughed at them. He would tease, but he couldn't talk. But that wouldn't stop him from placing bets with Gwaine for who's next in line to weddingville. There was way too much love in the air tonight amongst all of the lot and their partners. Lance smiled deeply to himself in the thought before speaking up. “Sounds fair Percival. I'm hungry too. What do you say you lot, fish and chips for all, for old times sakes?”

The lot was all in agreement and it wasn't long before the order was placed, the meal served, and beers were flowing all around.

~ * ~

“Hey you lot, look what the whiskey dragged in.” Gwaine boomed.

Arthur looked up, “Gavin?” And promptly choked on the beer that he was in the process of swallowing.

“Hey, you alright mate,” Lance called across the table, watching as Merlin immediately started to pat Arthur's back.

“Gavin, it's been a long time.” Gwen got up immediately to give him a hug.

“Long time indeed,” Gavin replied with a smile, as everyone in turn was getting up to give hugs, watching Arthur as he continued to choke.

“Are you alright,” Merlin asked Arthur, worry clear in his expression.

Arthur nodded, as he was still trying to cough, eyes watering. From his shame.

Morgana had a good idea why her darling little brother's eyes were watering, but she didn't add to his shame, deciding to take a big swig of her beer instead.

Arthur nodded again, coughing another moment, before responding. “I'm fine luv, beer just went down the wrong pipe is all.”

Merlin squeezed Arthur's knee under the table before asking, “how do you know Gavin?”

Unbeknownst to Arthur, with enough maneuvering among their friends Gavin was setting closer than comfortable and heard Merlin, only to jump in. Arthur wanted to hear his excuse for himself. The arse.

“Arthur and I had classes together in uni, and then there's always pub nights.” Gavin responded to Merlin with a smile.

“But I never met Arthur at a pub night because he was always working. In fact, I never met Arthur until Morgana and Leon's wedding. And you majored in Criminal Justice while Arthur majored in law and business, while constantly working.” Merlin commented. Alert all of the sudden by Gavin's response. He wouldn't have known Morgana had a brother if she and the lot never mentioned it, and Arthur, was always working.

Arthur swallowed in his seat, he squirmed, just a little.

Morgana raised a brow at him.

The table was quiet. Because, although they may not have known what was going on...Merlin, had a point.

Gavin was smooth though, green eyes sparkling, he followed up quickly. “We did manage to share some classes when I took some business courses, and I could have sworn I'd seen Arthur in the pub from time to time, but I could have been mistaken in that regard, right, Arthur?” Gavin finished with a smile, and pointedly looked at Arthur.

Arthur had already paled in his seat. But managed to rasp out, “right, Gavin.”

Merlin was only watching the two. But he couldn't say anything further. Whether he smelled a lie or not.

“Well, enough about how anyone knows who,” Gwaine started, “it's the Annual Pub Night, who's up for another round?” Gwaine asked cheerily.

“You do have transportation lined up for everyone again this year don't you, Gwaine?” Will asked, picking up on Merlin's tension from the other side of him, but going along for the night's sake anyway.

“It's a tradition mate,” Gwaine responded with a look that said, “how could you doubt me?” Before adding, “the limousines are set to arrive at my bidding. Everyone is free to drink themselves under the table. But the blame for the hangover in the morning-- not mine to take.” Gwaine responded to the table.

“I'll get the next round,” Arthur blurted out quickly, rising from his seat.

“Why don't I help you, Arthur?” Gavin followed up, jumping for the opportunity to corner Arthur alone.

Arthur nodded. The bastard had some explaining to do. What in the hell was he playing at!?

Merlin and Morgana were watching on, as the lot paid no mind, still drinking their beers and putting down more fish and chips. The tip for foregoing a hangover? Eat more food while drinking and if you can...alternate alcohol with water too.

~ * ~

Merlin was still watching the bar. Something didn't feel right, he didn't particularly like the way Gavin was looking at Arthur, and they seemed to be having an intense discussion even though it wasn't like he could hear it. He couldn't think more on it before his thoughts were being interrupted.

“Merlin dear, when do you go back to work?” Morgana asked suddenly. Morgana thought she had to do something because Merlin could be nosy when he wanted to be. It wouldn't do for him to find out anything about Gavin, or anything to do with what happened between Arthur and Gavin, and especially during their pub night.

Merlin bit on his lower lip for a moment, breaking his gaze from the bar, “I've got another two weeks and leave is over, and this time, Gaius is not pushing it back further.”

“Toast to you mate!” Elyan shouted out while everyone said “here here!”

“I bet you’re just dying to go back Merlin,” Freya said warmly, “I know how you love your students.”

Merlin nodded. “I missed them something terrible but it feels a little foreign right now just thinking about it. Like I've lost a lot.”

“If anyone can get it back Merlin, you certainly can.” Vivian said with a smile.

Merlin looked around at the lot, full suddenly. He probably wouldn't have made it without their support, without Arthur's. It was them standing by his side every step of the way. It was them coming by to see him daily, making sure that he ate, giving him someone to talk to that helped him get through. It was Arthur's love for him, and his taking the time out to go through group counseling -- for him -- and Merlin's own individual psychotherapy sessions that reminded Merlin just how much he was loved throughout all of this. His eyes watered a little, he refused to cry, before looking at the lot and then at Vivian. “Thank you.”

And everyone knew what Merlin’s words of...  “thank you,” stood for. Everything.

~ * ~

“Arthur, will you talk to me please?” Gavin asked while tilting his head, trying to get some eye contact from Arthur.

“You lied to me?!” Arthur replied angrily. The line at the bar was long while they were waiting for their drinks with everyone in attendance at the pub for the night.

Gavin sighed. “I did not lie to you, Arthur -”

“Yes you did! You led me to believe that you didn't know who I was. You let me open up to you. You. You kissed me!” Arthur shrieked quietly, while shaking his head. This was not a conversation that needed to float back to the table, and worse… to Merlin.

Gavin shook his head. “I did not lie to you, Arthur. I may not have told you who I was, that I knew who you were, but I didn't lie to you. Everything I said to you that night was true. The story of my wife, my little girl, the divorce. My words to you. The kiss, and the fact that I wanted more, but understood that you were hurt and with someone.” Gavin sucked in a breath. “All true.”

Arthur shook his head. The bartender had their trays ready with their orders as he grabbed one, gesturing for Gavin to grab the other. “I can't… I can't deal with this right now. I don't know what to say to you right now.” Arthur clenched his jaw before stomping back over to the table.

Gavin sighed, as he took the other tray. He came because he knew that Arthur would be there for the Annual Pub Night. He confirmed it discreetly already. He does still manage to keep up with Morgana, Gwaine, Leon, Percival, and Lance after all. He knew that Arthur would be upset but he was hoping that Arthur would hear him out. He knows that Arthur is with Merlin but the truth? The truth is that Gavin hasn't stopped thinking about Arthur since that night. He'd already known him, which made it easier, but spending time with him – however briefly, their talk -- and that kiss. He wanted to at least talk to Arthur. To tell him what he was feeling. It felt like they connected that night. And who knows? Maybe there could be a chance. Maybe Arthur wasn't completely happy with Merlin. He wasn't actually happy with Merlin that night. Maybe Morgana could be wrong. In telling him that there was no hope in that department. It was worth the try to find out. Even though, it seemed, that using the Annual Pub Night, as an excuse to meet up with Arthur again, wasn’t going to go quite as planned.

Arthur was livid. At Gavin and at himself. If he had known -- that night -- that Gavin knew who he was. Knew him by his full name, knew his history… he would not have allowed Gavin to sit with him at the bar. If he had known that Gavin knew all of his friends -- his sister, which sets a hell of a lot of about alarms off in Arthur's head as Morgana didn't even mention knowing Gavin at the time -- and Merlin, he wouldn't have given into the kiss. Alcohol or not. Vulnerable or not. Depressed or not for being pushed away by Merlin. And Gavin knew exactly who he was at the time. His last name, his profession, his sister, everything! He must have looked like such a fool!

It was a slower walk for Arthur back to the table than for Gavin. He needed to diffuse any anger before, anything else came to the surface. He and Merlin had been together long enough for Merlin to guess that something was wrong. And it wasn't as though Arthur could tell him truth about it could he? Not without saying the entire truth. And where would that leave him then?

~ * ~

“It's about time you made it back to the table, Arthur.” Morgana looked at Arthur with a raised brow.

Arthur looked at her like he could slice her open. She could have told him about  Gavin a long time ago. Or better yet, that night at the bar!

“Yeah, I thought we were either going to die of thirst or my beer was going to be too warm forcing us to send you back to buy another round.” Only Leon would have gotten away with saying that.

“I think you lot will be just fine. The queue was long at the bar.” Arthur said while passing his tray and sliding into his seat beside Merlin. Who apparently wasn't speaking, but watching.

“Excuses, excuses, Princess. Gavin made it back to the table before you and you left the bar first. I saw you.” Gwaine replied, though his expression showed curiosity.

And damn it all to hell, because Arthur didn't want anyone even having a clue as to what was going on, and Gwaine knows him too well to not be able to cipher things out for himself. Or to at least heavily suspect. Not to mention Gwaine's at a pub, and drinking heavily. Gwaine is always more alert when he's drinking heavily!

Arthur averted his eyes from Gwaine to avoid eye contact praying to all that was holy that Gwaine wouldn't say anything. That Gwaine would let all rest, for now. “I'm having a bit of a moment. I never was able to go to the Annual Pub shindigs before you know.”

And the gods seemed to have listened because Gwaine, though his expression was skeptical, let it pass. “Well, it wasn't like you wanted to miss it.”

“I always use to hear about Morgana's little brother all of the time, but I never got a chance to meet you until you met, Merlin.” Freya added, with a smile for Arthur. “I can't imagine how busy you must have been.”

“First of all, Morgana and I are twins --” Arthur said while Morgana was interjecting at the same time. “Fifteen minutes earlier than you, Arthur. Fifteen minutes! --”

“And...” Arthur started to elevate his voice over her's. “She loves to use the little brother title, but we really are the same age.”

Freya giggled.

“And secondly, it wasn't such a hardship. I had to learn the ins and outs of the company. People were depending on me to oversee their livelihoods one day. And I have to be prepared for that when the time comes. I didn't miss.. much” Arthur said.

And they all knew that was a lie. Because Arthur actually missed out on a lot while he was being groomed to run the Pendragon empire. Instead of enjoying his youth, and being with his friends. Instead of having a social life, and doing extracurricular like other uni students were able to. Arthur was missing it all going from class to Pendragon and Pendragon to class. There was no in between unless you went to the manor to see him. They all knew the truth. Because they were all worried for him. Arthur was just too good a person to admit it. But he didn't have to. That was what his friends were for. To do it for him. Because the fact of the matter is, and for this they were all in agreement; if it weren't for Merlin, Arthur would have probably been married to some woman, of Uther's choosing -- probably Mithian, tucked soundly away in the closet -- deep in the closet -- because he did prefer men over women -- or he would have been married to his work. Either way, he wouldn't have been happy. And now… they were just happy to see him happy, and having a life.

“I wished you weren't so busy when we were at uni, we could have had a chance to get to know each other better.” Gavin commented. He said it to the floor. But it was obvious to the more astute -- which was everyone -- that Gavin was talking to Arthur directly.

Arthur tensed in his seat. He couldn't control the movement. Fortunately they were all focused on Gavin. With the exception of Merlin who was focused solely on Arthur. And unfortunately for Arthur, Merlin was sitting close enough to Arthur to feel when Arthur’s muscles tensed. It was very... unfortunate indeed.

Merlin turned to Arthur. But he played it off cooly. Even though he couldn’t help but feel jealous.“Yeah, that would have been nice to have met you earlier. I wouldn't have had to wait until Morgana's wedding to meet her infamous darling little brother.” Merlin’s expression turned cocky, “I could have had you all to myself a lot earlier if we had.”

“Confident are you?” Arthur smirked at Merlin's presumptuousness. He didn’t know what he was saying, Merlin had him from day one.

“You would have been mine, Pendragon, as soon as I got one look at you.” Merlin said with a cheeky grin.

The others, with the exception of Gavin, couldn't help but smile, because it was nice seeing their old Merlin back after so long.

“You two met at Morgana's wedding? And to know I was there and that I missed out on everything.” Gavin actually sounded disappointed.

And that cued the lot in even more. Even though Gwaine, Gwen, Morgana, Leon, Mithian, Freya, Will, and of course Merlin already saw the signs. This in turn also cued in their significant others which then prompted Elyan and Vivian to pay more attention too.

“Eh...yes?” Merlin tilted his head to the side, raising a brow, while looking at Gavin. “He asked me to dance --”

“And the rest was history.” Arthur interjected smoothly. Well… maybe not... too smoothly. Maybe not smoothly at all if Merlin's expression of wanting to know why he was acting so weird had anything to show for it. It was a testament to their love that Arthur was able to read that in Merlin's expression. He only hoped he wasn't given away any answers himself. Arthur didn't even want to think about that as he took Merlin's hand in his kissing the knuckles. Gavin knew enough about him and Merlin as is from that night at the bar. He didn't need to know anything else.

Merlin smiled at Arthur -- pulling their joined hands to his lips and kissing Arthur's knuckles in return, before giving Arthur a chaste kiss on the lips -- but it didn't meet his eyes. His eyes had questions written all over it.

Gavin understood what he was doing. And even though it prompted interest he doubted it was enough to spark attention to question his intentions where Arthur was concerned. And this was Gavin's time to see Arthur in his element. To see him with Merlin. They weren't happy as a couple the night that he and Arthur met. Merlin was pushing Arthur away. Maybe he still was. Gavin wanted to know if there could be any chance at all. If Arthur could possibly be open to someone else. It seemed like a long shot, but he was going to make one last attempt. It just wasn't going to be in front of all of the people gathered. Arthur was more open on his own.

“The rest was definitely history,” Morgana said with finality, backing up her brother and Merlin, expression impassive, before turning to Elena with a smile. “And Elena, anything new on the wedding front for you? Do you need anymore help?”

And with Morgana's tone of finality, and the replacement change in topic, everyone entered into the new discussion. Though their minds were probably all thinking the same thing. And that would be. “What in the hell just happened here?!”

**  
  
  
**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Merlin and Arthur

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Merlin was quiet when they got back to the manor. Arthur wasn't sure whether or not he wanted to question why. But he didn't want things to become distant between them either. They'd overcome too much to backtrack now. He followed Merlin in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Merlin from behind as he waited for the kettle to boil for tea. Giving Merlin a tender kiss on the pulse point of his neck. “Everything alright, luv?”

Merlin nodded, before leaning into the embrace, relishing in it. “I'm fine. I was thinking about some… things is all.”

Arthur kissed Merlin's cheek. “Care to talk about it?” He asked earnestly.

Merlin shook his head. “Maybe another time. I'm just a little knackered and I want to put my thoughts together. But we will. I promise.” Merlin turned his body around while wrapped in Arthur's embrace. He raised his hands to place them on Arthur's face, looking him in the eyes. “You know that I love you right? There isn't any doubt right?”

Arthur looked puzzled. “Merlin, where is this coming from?”

“Just… just answer the question, Arthur.”

“Well if I have to answer it the answer is yes, Merlin. I know that you love me. Without a doubt. Without question. I know it. Just as I hope you know that I love you.” Because they just talked about this.

Merlin nodded, seeming satisfied.

Arthur raised a brow. “May I ask what brought this on?”

Merlin sighed. “I was just thinking about this evening. And I wanted to make sure that you truly understood what you meant to me. What you mean to me that is.”

Merlin thoughts seemed to be further away than the kitchen they were standing in, Arthur thought to himself but he pulled Merlin into an embrace, chest to chest, and whispered in his ear “I know what I mean to you, it’s the same with me too.”

Merlin sucked in a breath and held on tighter. He didn’t know why he was feeling this way, but he knew insecurity when he felt it and he was feeling it now. First with Mithian, as he was reminded of everything that Arthur could have had with her, and tonight with Gavin. Arthur had never given him a reason to feel insecure but with the rape, them not making love now -- the combination of it all -- he was very insecure and he just didn’t know how to express it. It made him cling more instead.

 

Arthur pulled back to watch Merlin curiously, “is there anything else?”

Merlin shook his head. “No, get ready to turn in and I’ll bring us some tea when it’s ready.

Arthur paused for a moment before leaning in one more time to give Merlin a chaste kiss and pulling away. Merlin felt cold by the loss. Arthur raised a hand to touch Merlin’s cheek. “Don’t take too long.”

“I won’t.” Was Merlin’s response as he watched Arthur walk away. He had to get it together, he thought to himself. He had nothing to worry about.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Merlin's Attempts to Surprise Arthur

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Arthur had a really busy work day ahead of him which prevented him from making it to Merlin's therapy session. Uther was out sick, and he felt horrible, but Merlin insisted that Arthur go to work and not worry about him. The session went so well that Merlin couldn't help but leave a little refreshed. He and Dr. Jonas talked about his and Valiant’s past relationship. The reason why he got involved with Valiant, and why he stayed with him. Along with some of the insecurities that came from that relationship based on Valiant’s treatment of him, the words that were said, the beatings that were had. And all Merlin wanted to do was see Arthur, to share some of his happiness. And so he did. He went to Pendragon, got to Arthur's floor, stopped in to see Morgana first -- even though she wasn’t in her office -- and was on his way to go see Arthur when he found himself stopping dead in his tracks, almost stumbling over his own two feet by the sight before him. The sight of Gavin and Arthur, leaving Arthur's office in the middle of day. Merlin couldn't move forward, didn't interrupt them, and almost hyperventilated on the spot. He stood there for the five minutes it took for Arthur to stop before Gwen (his personal assistant), to instruct her that he was taking his lunch outside of the building, and to clear his calendar for the next hour and a half, he watched as Gwen do exactly that. He then watched as Gavin and Arthur left from Gwen’s desk and walked towards the lift to go to the lobby to exit the building. He stood frozen for another two minutes before he came to himself, responding automatically on shaky legs putting one foot in front of the other before he too exited from the building taking the stairs as his exit. No one knowing the wiser of Merlin's presence at Pendragon that day with the exception of Morgana who had just turned the corner to see Merlin but she was on her way to a meeting and was unable to stop. She figured he was there to surprise Arthur anyway so she kept going.

Merlin had no idea what to think of seeing Gavin at Pendragon with Arthur. His Arthur. And they did not look like two people who didn’t know each other well. Merlin groaned inwardly, as he took the stairs. He couldn’t jump to conclusions. Arthur loves him, and no one else. The sentiment didn’t stop Merlin’s heart from breaking just a little. He and Arthur hadn’t had sex in months. Maybe that was why Arthur had so much restraint. Maybe he was getting some from somebody else. And Merlin knew good and well that he needed to stop. There had to be a perfect and logical explanation for all of this. He only wished he knew it now.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Morgana and Arthur

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Morgana looked at Arthur while going through the accounts for their three o'clock meeting. “Have you spoken to father since today?”

Arthur nodded. “I spoke with him when I came back from lunch, why?” He raised a brow.

She shrugged. “I was just checking to see if he was feeling better.”

“You could check and see for yourself by calling, or going by to see him, but he's doing fine. He just needs rest and medication.”

“Good,” Morgana replied, pleased, and ignoring Arthur's first sentence. She'll call when she's ready. She just hadn't gotten around to it yet. “Oh, how was your lunch today with Merlin? Were you surprised by his visit?”

Arthur raised a brow, a look of confusion crossed his face, not knowing what Morgana was going on about. “I didn't have a lunch date with Merlin. He had a psychotherapy session this morning, and he's probably home right now.” Arthur answered, checking his watch to almost confirm the time again to be sure of his answer and nodding to himself when he was certain of his response.

Morgana frowned. “But I thought you had a lunch break with Merlin. Gwen told me that you cleared your appointment calendar for an hour and a half during lunch today. I thought you cleared the calendar to give you and Merlin plenty of time to shag.”

Arthur covered his ears. “We are not having a discussion about my sex life.”

Morgana rolled her eyes. “Oh please,” before pausing, “but I could have sworn that I saw Merlin here this afternoon. I wanted to stop and talk but I had a meeting with one of our important clients.”

Arthur held a hand up to quiet Morgana before reaching for his desk phone and dialing an extension. “Gwen, have you seen Merlin here today?”

“No, Arthur, I haven't. Was he supposed to have stopped by?” Gwen asked cautiously. Arthur could hear her typing away on her computer.

Arthur shook his head at Morgana. “No, Morgana thought that she saw him is all. Thanks Gwen.”

“No problem, Arthur.” Gwen replied before hanging up.

“I know what I saw Arthur.” Morgana said irritably, while watching Arthur hang up the phone.

Arthur pressed the bridge of his nose. Something wasn't adding up. “I never said that you didn't, Morgana. I was only looking for confirmation. Merlin never said that he would be dropping by. Merlin doesn't just drop by.”

“He was always at work before.”

“He's been off from work for quite some time now.” Arthur shook his head.

“Maybe he had some free time. He's getting better you know. And you've had to put a good bit of extra hours in lately due to father feeling ill.”

It still didn't add up. “What time did you see him?” Arthur asked hesitantly.

“Well, I had only checked my watch a few minutes before because of the meeting. I would say it was at or around 1:30.” Morgana nodded at Arthur, almost as if confirming the time for herself.

And Arthur stilled. Even his heart seemed to stop for a moment. His blue eyes became crystal clear all of the sudden, and the blood left his face as he began to turn the shade of pale.

Morgana caught the changes immediately. “What did you do, Arthur?” Nostrils flaring in barely checked anger.

Arthur sucked in a breath, before averting his eyes from Morgana, “I didn't do anything.”

Arthur's mind was reeling in realization of the fact that Merlin showed up at the office unawares. He thought about Gavin showing up to apologize for not saying who he was immediately at the bar, and of Gavin apologizing for surprising him at the Annual Pub night. He thought about Gavin inviting him to lunch in apology for his actions. He thought about his lunch date with Gavin, where Gavin told him that he had feelings for him. That he couldn’t stop thinking about him. And he thought about him telling Gavin that they could only be friends. Friends and only friends, because he was in love with Merlin, and those feelings were never going to change. Arthur thought about how he spent the remainder of his extended lunch walking around the park by Pendragon -- alone. Arthur groaned inwardly. He wondered if Merlin was there at the same time he and Gavin left, and felt his chest tighten, knowing now that he had to of been given the time. A chill ran down his spine by the thought alone. Because he knew that he fucked up even though he didn’t do anything but, accept a lunch date. Unless you counted that kiss… He sighed knowing that Merlin would have.

“If you didn't see Merlin, Arthur, and you were gone for an hour and a half, then where the fuck were you?” Morgana voice hitched, temper making itself known.

“I was with Gavin!” Arthur snapped.

Morgana looked shocked. “Why were you with you Gavin? I didn't even know that you two were seeing each other with the exception of the bar near the hospital and the brief moment at the Annual Pub Night. What are you doing Arthur?”

“He came by because he was working on a case in town and wanted to grab lunch. He wanted to apologize for not telling me who he was at the bar that night, and for his actions during the Annual Pub Night, and that was all.” Arthur didn’t think that now was the time to share the other things Gavin wanted to do.

“He kissed you Arthur?” Morgana thought she needed to point out.

“I was there.” Arthur said dryly, rolling his eyes, while running a hand through his hair.

Morgana sighed. “He likes you Arthur.”

“It doesn't mean that the feelings are returned, Morgana. We can be friends.” And even Arthur did not believe the second half of his statement. Gavin wanted to be more than friends and even though Gavin accepted his words -- Gavin’s own words and expressions showed it that he still wanted more.

But leave it to Morgana to point out the obvious.

Morgana shook her head, “No, Arthur. He made it clear that if he had an opportunity he would go after you.”

Arthur shook his head at that too, folding his arms over his chest in a stubborn gesture, “I told him that I am in love with Merlin. That nothing could ever happen between us. And he said that he was okay with that.” Even though it was obvious that he didn’t mean it was left unsaid.

“And have you told Merlin, that you've been spending this time with Gavin?”

Arthur's eyes sparked angrily, “That is none of your business!”

“To hell it is, Arthur!” Morgana yelled, and Arthur flinched in automatic response.

“I didn't do anything!” Arthur shouted back in defense.

“Why Arthur, you're not five! You kissed him before Arthur! It is the one thing when you were hurt and distraught and were seeking a little comfort but now, it goes a little bit deeper if you are going to continue this charade. It gives Gavin the opening without you physically opening the door. It’s obvious that the door itself is unlocked. And what about Merlin? What do you think he will think about this? What would you have thought if the situation were in reverse?” Morgana asked, as she started pacing the floor. “How…,” she looked heavenward, “just how, how can the smartest man I know in everything else be so oblivious in the matter of his own relationships? How can he not see when someone is clearly putting the moves on him?” Morgana said, still looking up to the ceiling, shaking her head in disbelief.

“I am right here!” Arthur yelled, testily, while stomping his foot into the carpet  as if giving the proof of his presence.

“Yeah, that you are.” Morgana's eyes narrowed as she turned to Arthur, hands on her hips. Because despite the fact that her brother was being an arse, he had a point. “So you tell me Arthur, how did you miss that Gavin has been putting the moves on you? Was he not clear enough at the bar by the hospital? Was he not clear enough at the Annual Pub night? How did you miss it on the third go?” She asked snidely.

Arthur’s eyes narrowed. “You know, when you were having problems with Leon I was nothing, but supportive of you.” Arthur grumbled, while avoiding the question.

“And I have been nothing, but supportive of you dear little brother, but the problems with Leon and I were based on a matter of choice, communication. A very different issue altogether of you somehow getting stuck on stupid.” Morgana sneered.

“I didn't do anything!” It sounded old even to Arthur. He was in trouble.

“Keep telling yourself that Arthur and maybe you’ll start to believe it. You're not five anymore when you broke my favorite toy and claimed it was an accident, stuffing the evidence down the toilet and causing it to back up. You know right from wrong. The first time, you didn't do anything. Now -- you're just exploring. It may not be considered cheating, but it sure as hell leaves room for a lot of doubt. And Gavin has got nothing to do lose by playing this game, but you certainly as hell do. I just don't understand how or why you fail to see that!”

Arthur sighed heavily, because he did fail to see it until now. “I just wanted a friend, someone outside of our circle who doesn't know everything that is going on.”

“Then find one, and not someone who is trying to get into your pants or someone who is trying to break up your relationship with --” Morgana tapped her forefinger on her cheek, feigning ignorance. “-- Oh I don't know, the love of your life!” She shrieked.

Arthur pressed the bridge of his nose in frustration. “I would never leave Merlin. I love him. It's just -- it felt like Merlin was trying to push me away before.”

“He was raped Arthur! Raped and beaten by someone he thought he knew. He almost died. And on top of that, he was diagnosed with a post traumatic stress disorder to boot from not just what happened with the rape, but from his past abusive relationship as well. Forgive him. If he takes a few months to get himself together, and his life needs a moment to not revolve around yours.”

“I have been nothing but supportive to Merlin.” Arthur said in his defense. Because he has. “And I never asked him to do anything that he was uncomfortable with.” Because he hasn’t. Which is why he has been taking it so slow with Merlin.

“No, no you haven't,” Morgana had to admit, “but every time Merlin’s really had to make a decision, the deciding factor for him, was how it would affect your relationship. How it would affect you. He is afraid of losing you, Arthur.”

Arthur’s chest tightened, but he spoke with conviction. “I am in love Merlin. He is in no danger of losing me. Not now. Not ever. That’s how much I love him.” Although Morgana might have a point. If Merlin’s continual assurance of his feelings for him was anything to show for it. Arthur groaned inwardly.

“I know you do. And I know that you would never cheat on Merlin. But I also know that we all want to feel special now and again, wanted, and I think you feel like you are missing some things. Especially since Merlin did distance himself from you in the beginning, and took a lot of his aggression out on you, the closest thing to him at the time. You are feeling insecure in your relationship with Merlin and Gavin has come at the right time in your life to fix all of that. You stand at a precipice Arthur, and if you continue playing the middle Merlin will find out, and will eventually make some decisions of his own. And Merlin is not half as indecisive as you are when it comes to these things, not anymore. He knows what it's like to play second best, and to be treated as insignificant. He will not stand for that anymore. So fix this Arthur, because I have a feeling if Merlin was here today he knows exactly what you've been doing this afternoon. Those Emrys', and Will by extension, are a very nosy sort of people. They eavesdrop, they look through things, they stalk if necessary, until they learn what they need to know. Even Hunith with all of her smiles is no exception but you’ve got to love them all anyway. I tried to keep Merlin occupied at the Annual Pub night while you were at the bar with Gavin, and you saw for yourself how suspicious Merlin got by Gavin's excuse of how he knew you. And of how Gavin was looking at you. You had to have seen how Merlin clung to you more than usual, how he was in the defensive, as if claiming what was his. If there is any evidence to be found now that Merlin is starting to get a little more on track, trust me dear little brother, he is probably two steps ahead of you already.”

“Dear God!” Arthur said in realization. Remembering how Merlin found out about him and Mithian, and Merlin’s behavior once they got back home from the pub.

Morgana shook her head to herself and gave a wave of her hand. “You needn't call him yet. Save the best resort for last. Just... fix this, Arthur.”

**  
  
**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Merlin and Arthur

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Arthur took longer than usual to come home. He could admit it, he was a coward. He didn't know what he was going to say, and he wasn't fool enough to lie to himself and say that Merlin wouldn't be waiting for him when he walked through his front door. Which is exactly why he was still standing on the other side of his front door and not, in the manor where he should be. Taking his lumps like a man. He fucked up. He knew that he did. And even though he may not have cheated on Merlin he certainly left room for doubt. He took in a deep breath, while running a hand through his hair. He shouldn't have accepted that lunch date with Gavin. He should have stayed, in the office, and worked through lunch as he has done for the past week unless Morgana or Gwen brought him something to eat.

He should have seen through Gavin immediately and told him that he wouldn't be able to go with him. He could have accepted his apology without, accepting anything further. He was a fool. And if he lost the best thing in his life because of his own stupidity... he didn't know what he would do. Arthur felt his chest tighten automatically by the thought. Yes, he and Merlin were having problems. Yes, Merlin did distance himself from him, and failed to accept his opinions. Yes, Merlin did not open up to him about the rape, about Mordred, but it was no excuse for him to need comfort from someone else. None at all. Merlin was going through things, and though he continued to support Merlin… he shouldn't have been thinking about himself at the time. His entire focus should have been on Merlin and Merlin alone. Not himself. Isn't that why he went into group counseling in the first place for secondary survivors? It wasn't solely for his own benefit but for Merlin’s. To support Merlin as his partner and yet -- Gavin is how he repaid Merlin for that.

Arthur could only blame himself if he lost Merlin over this. Merlin was not at fault.

~ * ~

Merlin looked out the window when he heard a car pull up. He was so attuned to it now with all of the visitors over the past few months that he automatically checked to see who it was if he was in the living room at the time. It didn't surprise him one bit to see Arthur getting out of his car hesitantly, and walking like he was creeping to the door. It didn't surprise him that Arthur wasn't in a rush to come in either. Knowing Arthur, he already knew that he was at Pendragon earlier and he more than likely knew that he was aware of Gavin being there as well. Arthur knew him well enough to know that he would have caught on by now. Especially if Arthur thought enough to check his sign in in the lobby to know what time he arrived.

Merlin was so confused. He didn't think Arthur would cheat on him. He knew that Arthur loved him but he was feeling so insecure. And all that he needed was for Arthur to make him feel secure again. He needed it like he needed air to breathe. And yes, he knew good and well that what Gavin wanted from Arthur was the same thing. It was what everyone wanted from Arthur and how could they not? It was probably another reason why he felt so insecure in the first place. Because he was raped, and now, he was damaged goods. He was so damaged that Arthur didn't even want to have sex with him anymore. Merlin wiped the tears from his eyes in aggravation. Why would Arthur want him anymore when he could have so much better? So much better than him? Someone who wasn't damaged. Someone who didn't have a past abusive relationship. Or someone who wasn't so psychologically damaged that they were diagnosed with a post traumatic stress disorder. Merlin’s chest felt like it was burning. He shook his head. No, Arthur does love him. He loves him anyway. In spite of his flaws. Of this, he was certain. It didn't make him feel any more secure about Gavin though, as he waited, on the couch, for Arthur to come in.

~ * ~

Arthur waited another ten minutes before entering the manor. He crept in quietly -- shedding himself of his suit jacket and shoes and placing them in the closet -- but he didn't have to go far before he found Merlin, who was waiting for him on the couch. His expression, torn, it was obvious that he had been crying. It broke Arthur’s heart, to see Merlin cry, it broke it more to know that he was the cause. Arthur swallowed hard as he walked forward to sit on the couch beside Merlin.

Merlin sighed heavily when the seat lowered beside him on the couch. As he waited in silence to see if Arthur would break it, to hear, what Arthur would say to him.

Another sixty seconds of tense quiet passed before, Arthur broke the silence.

Arthur sighed heavily. “Morgana told me that she thought she saw you at Pendragon today.” Arthur started, trying for the safer topics first, knowing -- that there weren't any safer topics.

Merlin nodded slowly. “I was there. I came to surprise you.”

Some surprise, Arthur thought to himself. “You've rarely stopped by to the office. I almost didn't believe her when she said that you were there.”

Merlin had no doubt that Arthur would have been surprised that he showed up considering what he saw. Merlin almost had the thought of how many others Arthur had taken to lunch since they've been together. Almost. Before he admonished himself for not trusting Arthur. For not hearing him out. He winced inwardly. “I know. It was a surprise, even for me. I had such a good session with Dr. Jonas and I wanted to share that happiness with you. You've been so busy since Uther’s been ill and I -- I thought, taking you to lunch would have been a good idea at the time.”

“And now?” Arthur asked, still holding on to a shred of hope that Merlin may have missed him leaving the building with Gavin.

Merlin grimaced.

The hope, crashed and burned.

“Not so sure now,” Merlin responded with all honesty, “I came just in time to see you leaving the building with Gavin.”

There was so much pain in Merlin’s voice that Arthur wanted to beat himself in the head for it. He sucked in a breath. “Gavin did come to the office today. He was on a case in the area and stopped by to see if he could take me out to lunch.” Arthur knew good and well that he was stalling, but he was also afraid of having this conversation. The last time Merlin thought he was involved with someone else... Merlin stopped talking to him, and moved back to his old flat. Granted, Merlin did sell that said flat but still… It wasn't a comforting thought to be reminded of. Now.

“How do you know Robert, Arthur?”

Arthur swallowed. “We all went to uni together Merlin... --” Arthur trailed off when Merlin raised a hand to stop him.

Merlin turned fully around on the couch, back against the armrest, pulling his legs up -- knees to his chin, arms wrapped around them -- to face Arthur head on. He shook his head and Arthur gulped. “I know what Gavin said at the Annual Pub Night, when I asked you that question by the way, but I am asking you again now. How do you know Gavin?”

Arthur felt his chest seize in panic. This was not how he was expecting this conversation to go, even though Morgana had warned him to expect it. But he wasn't about to lie to Merlin either. And he highly doubted Merlin would believe anything, but the truth, and for all that he knew -- Merlin may already be aware of the answer by now. “I met him at a bar nearest to the hospital where you were first treated.” Arthur answered honestly, but he knew what it sounded like, and it broke his heart to think what it sounded like to Merlin.

Merlin nodded slowly. “Did you --” Merlin huffed as if annoyed with himself for not wanting to formulate the words. Merlin swallowed hard, “did you fuck him?” Merlin asked, deciding to go for broke, and asking the question that plagued his mind for the entire afternoon.

Arthur’s eyes widened, his mouth opened in horror, he started shaking his head vigorously. “I would never do that to you, Merlin --”

“Then why all the secrecy?” Merlin asked, while interrupting Arthur. “Why did Gavin lie? Why did he look at you that night like there was something else between you, and why would he all of a sudden stop by your work to take you out to lunch? Unless… unless there is something more between you.” Merlin asked, torn. He may be taking this overboard, he had his own friendship with Mordred before the rape, but he didn’t think he was going overboard. Gavin looked like he wanted to take Arthur home with him while locking the door and keeping it locked for safekeeping. And Merlin, picked up on it immediately. The only thing he couldn’t pick up on was how Gavin and Arthur were connected, and despite how smooth Gavin was, he really wasn't a very good liar. And if Arthur thought he was... neither was he.

“We met, that day at the hospital, when Mordred arrived, and you sent me away --”

“So this is my fault?” Merlin asked with raised eyebrows, while pointing at himself.

Arthur shook his head. “No. Of course not. But I was hurt, and I had to get away. I walked and walked until I made it to the bar, and I continued to drink until Robert introduced himself to me.”

“And did you know, who he was at the time?”

Arthur shook his head again. “He introduced himself to me, but he never said that he knew who I was or any of you. We talked. I needed someone to talk to and…-- he was there.”

And that stung, because basically Arthur in so many words stated that he needed someone to talk to and... he wasn’t there. Merlin winced. “So you told him about me? About us?”

Arthur nodded, before shaking his head. “I told him about us, as much as I could that is, without sharing the major details of what happened to you.”

And Merlin didn’t know what to think about that. “Is there anything else?”

And that was the question that Arthur was hoping Merlin wouldn’t ask because that question, blanketed all other questions. He grimaced. “We kissed.” Arthur responded. His chest tightened as he took in Merlin’s visible shudder, before, attempting to correct himself. “I mean -- he kissed me!” Arthur gasped out.

The correction did nothing, to make Merlin feel secure. “But you kissed him back?”  

Arthur swallowed. “Yes.” Because he screwed up, and he may as well be completely honest about it. This was worse than Mithian. At least with her Merlin knew that his father was behind it, but this time… this was all on him. There was no one to fall back on. “I kissed him back.” Arthur responded honestly. Because he did.

“And today?” Merlin asked, tone hoarse, while holding back his tears.

“Today, he wanted to apologize, for not telling me who he was and for surprising me at the pub. He wanted to take me out to lunch to explain why he showed up.”

“And why -- did he show up?” Merlin asked, through gritted teeth.

“He wanted to tell me that he developed feelings for me. He wanted to see if there was any chance of us becoming more than friends.”

Merlin grimaced, before asking the question which would give him the answer that would either make or break him. “And does he? Have any chance that is.”

Arthur’s eyes widened. How could Merlin think that!? “I told him that he would never have a chance. That I loved you and that there would never be a day that I would leave you.” Arthur said with all of the emotions that he could muster. He needed Merlin to believe that and he needed to believe it now, because he didn’t think that Merlin understood just how much he meant to him anymore. “I told him the same thing that day at the bar, but I guess he thought there was still a chance. I reaffirmed that there wasn’t. That my feelings for you were never going to change.”

Merlin nodded. His expression was pained, and his tone was hoarse as he responded, “thank you, for telling me the truth,” before getting up from the couch and starting for the bedroom.

Arthur got up immediately in alarm. “Merlin?” Arthur called out, his tone was broken, and he had an expression to match it. He could not, lose Merlin! “Please -- please talk to me.”

And Merlin rounded on Arthur so fast that Arthur stumbled back a few steps. “What else do you want me to say, Arthur? Do you want me to be happy to hear that while I was in the hospital you kissed someone else? Do you want me to be happy to hear that I am just hearing about this now? Do you know me to be happy to hear that you allowed Gavin to lie to me about how you two met, and to know that if I never saw you that I would have probably never known the truth!? How do you expect me to feel right now because I don’t know what you want from me!?” Merlin shouted.

“I don’t want you to shut me out. I can’t -- I can’t take you shutting me out again. It -- hurts too much.” Every time Merlin has been hurt or upset since the beginning of their relationship he had always shut him out. He couldn’t take being shut out again.

“You lied to me, Arthur, you kissed someone else --”

“And it meant nothing to me!” Arthur shrieked. “It meant nothing. I was hurt, I wanted to be there for you, and you wouldn’t let me!”

“So this is my fault--”

“No!” Arthur yelled, before bringing his voice down, “no, this is not your fault. I was hurt. I wanted to be there for you…. and… I couldn’t be. I wanted to get to that place on time. I wanted to save you and I failed. I wanted to be there for you at the hospital, and I couldn’t be. All I wanted to do was be there for you and I failed you every time.” Arthur cried out, and with that, his tears started to follow. Because he was talking about something now that he never wanted to talk about. He was talking about feelings that he kept guarded close to his own heart. His own blame. His own blame for not being there, when Merlin needed him the most.

Merlin’s brows furrowed, he sucked in a breath. “Arthur, what are you talking about? You got there in time, you saved my life! --”

“But not soon enough,” Arthur shrieked, “not soon enough. He... -- touched you already.” Arthur shook his head, his body visibly shivered. “He touched you, he -- hurt you, and we only made it for --” Arthur sobbed, while shaking his head. “We didn’t make it on time. And then he showed up -- to see you, and you wanted to see him. You sent me away. You didn’t want me. And I was hurt, broken, and then, I was stupid. Stupid to be at that bar, and stupid for kissing Gavin. And now, I may lose the only thing that’s ever mattered to me more than anything over it.

Merlin shook his head. “You are not going to lose me, Arthur. I only wished that you would have told me. None of what happened to me was your fault. You warned me away from Mordred, and I didn’t listen to you. You had no idea where I was and yet, you still found me. And no, you may not have made it on time before Mordred --” Merlin winced, before shaking his head. “-- but you did make it before anything else happened. Arthur, you saved my life --”

“I wasn’t -- fast enough,” Arthur repeated while shaking his head because there was nothing anyone would be able to say that would ever make him feel better about that. “You almost died, Merlin. You went through so much and I -- I couldn’t help you.” Arthur said as he walked over to the nearest wall by the hallway, barely able to hold himself up any longer. The burden of it all, too hard to bear.

“Arthur…,” Merlin paused, “why didn’t you tell me you were feeling like this?”

Arthur shook his head tiredly. “How could I tell you how I was feeling when you were going through hell on your own? I had to be strong, for you, for us both. I couldn’t allow you to see me like that.” I couldn’t allow anyone to see me like that went unsaid.

It didn’t have to be said for Merlin to figure it out. He sighed. “Arthur, don’t you ever think that I may want to know when you are feeling hurt? Do you think I like the idea that you had to seek out comfort from someone else while I’ve been here for you all along? --” And Merlin held up a hand to stop Arthur from speaking. “I know, that I haven’t been very good in the listening department for a little while. I know I’ve had my mood swings and that I’ve taken a lot out on you, but if you don’t tell me how you feel how do you expect me to help you? To be there for you. You’ve helped me throughout everything. You were there for me when I wasn’t there for myself, and all I’ve been trying to do since I’ve gotten better is get back what we lost and you never told me anything that’s been going on with you. How was I supposed to know anything if you weren’t letting me in either. You claim that I was pushing you away, but you not letting me in is also pushing me away too.”

And just like that, Arthur realized how wrong he was, because he didn't realize that while he was punishing himself, he was punishing Merlin too. It was the last thing that he wanted. “I’m sorry,” he said. Because he was. “I was only trying to be strong for you.”

“Maybe, if we both talked, we could have been strong together,” Merlin replied, while running a hand through his hair. He sighed. “I’m sorry, for pushing you away, and for making you feel like I didn’t need you because that couldn’t have been further from the truth.”

“And I am sorry about Gavin.” Arthur sucked in a deep breath. “ I’m an idiot. I didn't mean to hurt you. I would rather hurt myself than to see that look on your face when I told you the truth. To know that I betrayed you, to know that I was the cause of pain for you.”

“I know.” Merlin said quietly.

“But you have to know Merlin that I would never cheat on you --” Arthur trailed off as he caught Merlin averting eye contact. “You do know that I would never --”

“I know Arthur,” Merlin responded, too quickly.

Arthur took both of Merlin’s hands in his. “You do know --”--Arthur swallowed-- “  that I would never cheat on you -- right?”

And Merlin has no real reason to doubt, but he does have reason to feel insecure and insecurity does allow time for his mind to wander. He tries his best to dismiss the thought. This, is Arthur, and he would never have been half as paranoid if he wasn't so damaged. “I know,” Merlin tried to respond with all honesty, but his insecurities still came across in his tone.

Arthur felt like he was punched in the gut. If his mistakes caused Merlin to think that he didn’t want him. That he would cheat… He placed his hands on either side of Merlin’s face. “Merlin, I need for you to believe --”

“I believe, Arthur.” Merlin said quickly, because he does. “It’s me alright. It’s something that I’m -- dealing with, and nothing to do with you.”

“It has everything to do with me if you don’t feel secure in our relationship Merlin!” Arthur shrieked in alarm as he dropped his hands from Merlin’s face to roughly run both of his hands through his hair. “It has everything to do with me.” He repeated more softly. “What can I do?” Arthur asked, because he felt out of his depth, he thought he’d done everything to do right by Merlin. Everything. Throughout their relationship and throughout Merlin’s recovery he thought he’d done everything possible to show his love for Merlin, to be there for Merlin, to make him feel secure, and now, now he he finds out that -- he’s failed. Arthur doesn't know what to do with that, or what to think.

“Arthur, I can hear your thoughts, they’re screaming at me.”

Arthur shook his head. “I’m sorry --”

“Arthur,” Merlin shook his head too, because this was not Arthur’s fault. “It really is me, you've done nothing wrong, the only thing that you've ever done is love me --”

“But you don’t trust that I would never cheat on you, would never leave you.” Arthur grimaced, tone and expression, pained.

Merlin winced. “It’s not because of you --”

“Then what is it?” Because Arthur had no idea.

“I’m damaged Arthur!” Merlin shouted while backing up from Arthur to rest against the back of the couch. “I’m damaged.”  Merlin sobbed, while shaking his head.

Arthur approached Merlin like he was a rabid animal before he reached Merlin, and stood between his legs. He placed his hands on either side of Merlin’s face because what he said next, Merlin needed to hear. He needed, to understand. “You are the most beautiful man that I’ve ever known.” He pulled Merlin’s face back to his when Merlin tried to turn away. “You are sweet, gentle, loving, caring, and I love the way that you challenge me in every way. You are smart, I love the way your eyes light up when you hear something of interest from me or when I walk into a room. I love the way you hold me.” Arthur leaned in to kiss Merlin a tender kiss. “I love the feeling of waking up with you in the morning and the feeling of going to sleep at night right beside you. I love knowing with everything that’s in me that you are mine, and you are everything to me, Merlin. You are everything. And if I continued to tell you everything I loved about you we’d be having this conversation tomorrow, but there is one thing that you are not Merlin, and that is damaged.”

Merlin sucked in a breath as Arthur began to wipe the tears from his face. “I was raped Arthur.” Merlin replied, as though that would explain it all.

It didn't.

“I know that Merlin,” It was the last thing that Arthur wanted to know, “but what does that have to do with you believing that I won’t cheat you? What does that have to do with you not feeling secure?”

“You haven’t touched me in months, Arthur.” Merlin whispered, and if Arthur wasn't trying so hard to hear he may not have caught the words.

Arthur swallowed. “I have --”

“We haven’t made love in months,” Merlin corrected himself. Arthur looked confused, but Merlin knew that he couldn't possibly be.

“You've been recuperating.”

“I've recuperated.” Merlin countered.

“You've been going through so much with the panic attacks, the weight gain, the flashbacks, and then there was the physical therapy, and the psychotherapy --”

“Arthur, I have gotten better. Thanks to you. And yes, I have a ways to go, but I am still recovering. The only thing that I don’t have is you.”

And Arthur didn't know what to say to that because Merlin does have him. All of him. “You have me.”

Merlin shook his head. This was -- hard -- to discuss. “I haven’t had you fully in months Arthur. Every time I try to touch you intimately, you find some excuse to not touch me back, not if you know it’ll lead to something else --”

“You weren't ready,” Arthur responded quickly. What happened a few months back was certainly proof of that.

Merlin knew exactly what Arthur was talking about. “I wasn't ready then, you were right, but I am ready now --”

“You won’t even talk to me about what happened Merlin --”

“I didn't know how, Arthur,” Merlin shrieked, “but I needed you. I needed you to make me feel wanted. I needed you to make me forget --”

“You are wanted --”

“I didn't feel it! --”

“You needed time --”

“And who decides how much time I need Arthur?” Merlin asked with a raised brow. “Is it you? Do you decide, or don’t I get a say in it too?”

Arthur grimaced. He didn't know the answer to that question anymore. He just knew that he wanted his Merlin back, and he didn’t want to rush things or Merlin, in order to make that happen. All he knew was that Merlin had gone through more than enough and that he would gladly wait for however long it took to get Merlin better. “I don’t know,” Arthur responded honestly, “I only wanted us to wait until you were really ready.” And he didn't want a repeat of the last time was left unsaid.

Merlin caught it anyway. He took a deep breath, they were both a mess, full of tears and emotions, and all he wanted right now was to feel the comfort of Arthur’s arms. “I need you, Arthur. I need you to hold me, I need you to make love to me. I need to know that you love me, I want you to fuck me so hard that I don’t know where you end from where I begin. I need you to make me forget my name --”

“I want you too --”

“Then show me, Arthur,” Merlin said, as he grabbed Arthur by his tie, beginning to take it off, “show me,” he repeated huskily.

“Merlin,” Arthur whispered, all restraint all but lost, “let’s -- talk --” Arthur tried to say as Merlin started to unbutton Arthur’s shirt, as he started to run his tongue on Arthur’s jaw, Arthur shivered.

“Let’s not.” Because they've talked more than enough, Merlin thought as he pulled Arthur’s shirt off and started to kiss down Arthur’s chest, nibbling on Arthur’s right nipple.

“Merlin,” Arthur whispered again as he felt his cock begin to harden, as he felt Merlin’s hands run down his chest, and he felt Merlin’s hand run against his prick.

“I need you Arthur,” Merlin whispered into Arthur’s chest, “but I don’t want it to feel forced, I need to know that you -- need me too.”

And of course Arthur needed Merlin too, what was he to say to that? “I do, but --”

“Show me, Arthur,” Merlin whispered as he freed Arthur’s cock and knelt down to run his tongue over the tip and into the slit, “show me.”

And that was the last of Arthur’s restraint as he knelt down to pull Merlin up by the arms. That was the last of Arthur’s restraint, as he pulled Merlin’s shirt open so fast, so quick, that the buttons broke free. That was the last of Arthur’s restraint, as he pulled Merlin up and Merlin wrapped his legs around Arthur’s waist as they kissed each other hungrily like they were deprived of touch. And maybe they were. That was the last of Arthur’s restraint as he carried Merlin to their bedroom. That was the last of Arthur’s restraint, as he slammed Merlin down onto the bed, and the rest of their clothes were torn from their bodies without care for the damage. That was the last of Arthur’s restraint, when he prepared Merlin none to gently because Merlin was begging him not to be gentle, begging him to hurry, because he wanted it to burn. That was the last of Arthur’s restraint, as he thrusted into Merlin with one rough thrust. It wasn't gentle, as their hands revisited spots on their bodies that haven’t been touched in so long. It wasn't gentle, as they kissed and nibbled, bit and sucked on skin, as they attempted to claim each other once more as though it were their first time. And there was no doubt about it. It was better, than their first time.

“Harder Arthur.” Merlin gasped out, as he tightened his legs around Arthur’s waist and pulled grabbed Arthur’s arse cheeks to pull Arthur even deeper. They both moaned from the friction as Arthur thrusted in even deeper.

“Merlin,” Arthur whispered in reverence in Merlin’s ear. “I love you.”

Merlin shushed him. “Fuck me now, make me feel you, fuck! --” Merlin said as Arthur hit that spot, “-- declarations of love later.” He knew that Arthur loved him, he needed to feel it, every bit of it. Every little bit of -- this.

They rocked. They rocked together, as they cried, and said all of the things that needed to be said all along. They kissed and they moaned as they continued to rock into each other, each thrust like an electric shock that sent white hot friction down their spines, and into their bellies. It felt raw. It was so intense that Merlin was left without coherent thought, the only think he could feel, the only thing he could think about, was Arthur, inside of him. There was no beginning, there was no end, they were completely joined together, as one.

Merlin was beginning to feel the pressure, it built up in the pit of his stomach, he felt it down his spine, he felt it in his balls, and just when he was about to -- Arthur gripped the base of his cock to stop him from coming. “Arthur --”

Arthur didn't want Merlin to come, he didn't want them to stop, not until he took every bit of insecurity away from Merlin. “Not yet,” He whispered huskily, and Merlin whimpered. It was a manly whimper. Well… maybe not. “There is no one, no one born, or will ever be born, who I will want, as much as I want you.” Arthur whispered into Merlin’s ear as he continued to thrust.

“Arthur,” Merlin moaned, as he attempted to touch his cock, as Arthur slapped Merlin’s hand away from it.

“I want you the same yesterday, today, and forever. That will never change.” Arthur whispered, as he gripped Merlin’s hips, and changed course to hit that spot on every other thrust. “Tell me you believe me.” Arthur demanded.

“Arthur --” Merlin gasped out.

“Tell me!” Arthur shouted.

“Uh... fuck... Arthur... I believe you, I believe you!” Merlin shouted as his hips continued to rock into Arthur. “Now please… please… let me come.” Merlin begged, as Arthur began to thrust into Merlin harder. Merlin’s never been fucked like this in his life. Arthur, has never fucked him like this. The thought that Arthur has been holding out on him sent chills down his spine. “Please, Arthur.”

“I love you…--” --thrust--  “--so much Merlin…--” --thrust-- “--there will never…--” --thrust-- “--be anyone…--” --thrust-- “--that I love…--” --thrust-- “--as much…--” --thrust-- “--as I love you.” Arthur whispered, as he thrusted into Merlin again.

“Please, Arthur!” Merlin didn't even remember what he was begging for. It felt so… good.

“Say it Merlin! Say you believe me!” Arthur demanded.

The grip on his cock was a reminder of Arthur preventing him to come. Merlin would believe that they sky was yellow and rainbows were red if it meant that Arthur would finally let. him. come. And Merlin groaned loudly as Arthur pulled himself in a seated position on his knees, with his legs still wrapped around Arthur’s waist pushing himself that much… deeper… into Merlin. Merlin shouted Arthur’s name before crying out, “I believe you!”

Arthur kissed Merlin. It was a filthy kiss with all teeth and tongue. And Merlin clung to Arthur, like a second skin. They continued to kiss as Arthur rocked up into him. Hands were everywhere, mouths were moving, they gripped each other, they clung to each other, and Merlin told Arthur over and over again until Arthur believed him. Merlin thinks Arthur believed him after he declared it after fifteenth time. It was after the sixteenth declaration that Arthur finally allowed Merlin to come. And after a second later... Arthur followed Merlin with a shout of Merlin’s name. No one, ever, came, that hard before. Ever.

~ * ~

That was not the only time they made love that night.

It was after their fourth or fifth go. They lost count. Once they were both sore and sated -- thoroughly, Merlin told Arthur what happened that day, at the unknown location. And once they were all talked out, all talked out… Arthur pulled Merlin in his arms… and they wept some more. They wept, until they couldn't any more. And once they were done, Arthur showed Merlin one more time why he was the most important person in his life, and why that was never going to change. Ever.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A penny for your thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the review, kudos, and for subscribing in advance!


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